A/N: To the person who keeps flagging my stuff on here and on my other online accounts, stop. You're not going to get me to take anything down that I've posted. If you have a problem with anything I've posted, please message me in person instead of going behind my back and trying to get my stuff taken down. Thank you for reading and have a pleasant day!

The universe is filled with billions of extraterrestrial beings, many of them new and undiscovered! But one man named Dandy plans on finding and registering them all! He travels the universe with his crew and amazing pompadour in search of adventure, excitement, and boobies! These are the adventures of the dandiest guy in space, Space Dandy!

Dandy, Meow, and Carrie lounged on the couch, the TV in front of them playing some sort of soft elevator music. All three of them were filthy; their faces and clothes covered in black smudges. Meow had an old pizza slice stuck to his stomach and Carrie had bits of trash clinging to her hair.

The lounge wasn't in much better condition. The palm trees had dirty laundry hanging from their branches, the trash can by the phone was overflowing with garbage, piles of discarded take-out boxes and filth were stuffed in the corners of the room, and the walls were caked in dirt and grime.

The three of them stared up at the TV, watching a well-dressed man talk about how they should buy some sort of self-heating coffee mug. Carrie peeled the old pizza slice off Meow's belly, taking a bit of hair with it. Meow didn't notice, as he was seemingly entranced by the TV. Carrie then took a bite out of the hairy pizza slice, her eyes never straying away from the TV screen.

QT rolled into the lounge, vacuuming up as much garbage as his storage container could hold. He tried to empty it into the garbage, but it was too full to fit even a speck of dust in its overflowing garbage bag. An angry face emoji flashed on QT's screen and he turned to the couch.

"You guys!" QT shouted. "This whole ship looks like a dump!"

Dandy and Meow just groaned in response, while Carrie took another bite of her hairy pizza slice.

"Don't you know that all ships have to be kept clean inside and out? What if they kick us off the space station, or worse, quarantine our ship and force us to pay for a decontamination crew! We don't have the money for that!"

Dandy and Meow groaned again. Carrie peeled a moldy sandwich off the coffee table and took a bite out of it. The sandwich had so much fungus growing on it, that it looked like a miniature forest.

"Look at this!" QT shouted again. "You three are disgusting!" QT rolled in front of the couch and waved a hand in front of Dandy's face. "You guys? Are you even listening to me!?"

QT watched as Carrie lifted Meow's armpits and pulled off a few cheese puffs stuck in his pit hair. She shoveled them into her mouth and ate them.

"At least Carrie's doing something about the mess…"

Dandy finally noticed QT and turned his full attention on the little yellow cleaning droid.

"Oh hey QT. What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? What's wrong!? Look at this mess, Dandy!"

Dandy blinked for a minute, then he elbowed Meow. Dandy motioned towards QT and at the massive mess. Meow just nodded, and they both looked at QT, who was scowling at them with an angry emoji on his screen.

"Carrie did it," Dandy and Meow both said in unison.

Carrie opened her mouth and raised up to protest, but then she went limp and fell back into the couch.

"Yeah that sounds about right," Carrie replied, taking another bite of her gross sandwich.

"All three of you did it!" QT shouted. "And this is the result!"

QT threw a small, white bar-shaped device on the pile of garbage on the coffee table. A holographic note beamed out of it, reading, "Notice of Temporary Eviction. Your ship has been temporarily seized by the Space Colony 280-B government for immediate decontamination. Your vessel will be returned to you once the contaminates aboard have been fully removed and the ship has been restored to proper sanitary standards. Thank you for your cooperation." Dandy skimmed over the note. Meanwhile, Carrie grabbed a can of soda that had long turned into syrup.

"They can't do that! The ship isn't even that dirty!" Dandy protested.

QT raised a pixelated eyebrow and snatched Carrie's soda can. He then poured it out on an old Dandy Man Magazine, covering it in syrup that smelled like flat soda. QT crumpled up the can and threw it over his shoulder.

"I see your point…" Dandy admitted. "Well, we'll just have to get off our asses and clean!"

Dandy jumped to his feet and tried to tip the couch to get Carrie and Meow off of it, but both they and the filth-covered couch were too heavy for him.

"Oh, who needs you guys? QT and I will have this place cleaned in no time, baby!"

A short time later, Dandy, QT, Meow, and Carrie found themselves standing outside of the ship inside the hangar, the main hatch sealed off with tape reading, "Quarantined." Two armed guards wearing hazmat suits stood outside of the ship while Dandy could see more men in hazmat suits moving around in the Aloha Oe. The whole hangar was teeming with these hazmat guys, who were spraying everything down with disinfectant spray, and the entrances and exits were sealed off with decontamination stations.

"The four of you need to go through decontamination procedures before you can leave the hangar," one of the guards said. "How you people managed to live through that mess is beyond me."

Dandy and his crew were escorted to the decontamination gates, where they were stripped of their clothes; sprayed with disinfectant; given hospital gowns, clean undergarments, and shoes; sprayed again with disinfectant; and shoved out of the hangar.

"Well, what do we do now?" Meow asked.

"First thing we need to do is get some clothes, I guess," Dandy answered as he looked through a window and saw the hazmat crew burning their clothes with flamethrowers.

"Aww, that was my favorite shirt," Carrie whimpered.

"I'm afraid that isn't an option," QT said. "They took the last of our funds out of our bank account to pay for this cleaning procedure, and now we're flat broke."

Dandy thought for a moment, until he thought of an idea.

"Hey Carrie, how would you like to go clothes shopping?"

"No, how about we get something to eat instead."

"Damn…" Dandy paused to think for a moment. "Hey Carrie, I heard that the cashier at the E-Z-Mart has a crush on you. How about we go pay him a visit?"

"Nah," Carrie replied.

"Did I say him? I meant her." Carrie folded her arms under her breasts and blew a raspberry at Dandy.

"What are you getting at, Dandy?" QT asked the alien hunter.

"Just play along for a second," Dandy answered. He sat down on a bench and thought even harder. "That's it! Hey Carrie, you wanna go do something fun?"

"What could be more fun than eating?"

Dandy pulled Carrie's hair away from her left ear and whispered something into it. A smile slowly spread across the Sepian girl's face.

"What? What did you tell her?" QT asked.

"You'll see…" Dandy replied.

Sometime later, outside of the E-Z-Mart, it was a seemingly quiet day. Completely shattering that image, both literally and figuratively, was the front display window of the store. The culprit, a vending machine sent flying by four familiar figures. Dandy, Meow, QT, and Carrie leaped out of the broken window, all four of them wearing paper bags over their heads with eyeholes cut in them. Dandy and Meow both had an armload of clothes, Carrie was toting a whole shelf full of snack cakes, and QT had an armload of shoeboxes and socks. A man wearing a cashier's apron and an older man wearing a blue, collared shirt ran after them, but stopped in front of the store.

"Why didn't you stop them?" The older man asked the younger one.

"Didn't you see that chick throw that vending machine? What was I supposed to do against that!?"

The older man stroked his chin. "Hmm, good point…"

Yet another short time later, in an alleyway strewn with the crew's hospital gowns and shoes, the four of them were enjoying their stolen goods. They were dressed in their usual attire now, and were enjoying the food from the shelf Carrie stole.

"Remember kids," QT said, looking at the reader. "You shouldn't rob convenience stores. Or throw vending machines through their windows."

"Right," Dandy agreed as he took a bite into a white snack cake covered in coconut bits. "So do as we say, not as we do."

"Vending machines are people, too!" Carrei yelled.

"Speaking of which, what should we do now?" Meow asked as he took a bite out of a candy bar.

"Well, we can't keep letting Carrie smash up every store we come across," Dandy answered.

"Grrraawwrrr! Carrie smash!" Carrie roared, her mouth full of snack cakes.

"Hold it right there!"

Dandy and his friends turned around to find the entrance to the alleyway clogged by policemen and SWAT teams pointing guns at them. One of the policemen, a tall man wearing a silver and blue full-body suit and a helmet, approached Dandy.

"Damn, I thought those store clerks weren't going to call the cops," Dandy muttered.

"You four think you can just go around breaking whatever law you feel like breaking!? I don't think so! You're all under arrest for robbery, destruction of public property, and jaywalking!"

"Wait a minute, jaywalking?" Meow replied.

"You heard me! Me and my boys saw you four run across the street. You're all a bunch of yahoos, busting through walls, stealing, and running across roads without looking both ways. Makes me sick! Now hands up!"

Dandy and his crew were suddenly surrounded by rifle barrels pointed in their faces. He, QT, and Meow immediately put their hands up.

"Take them in for processing!"

Dandy, Meow, QT, and Carrie were all piled onto an armored vehicle and taken off Colony 280-B to the nearest Galactic Police Station.

The chief of this station stood in a huge room with a large window at the back. Two heavily armed guards stood at the only entrance and exit.

"Alright, let's see the newbies," the chief bellowed.

"Alright, sir," a voice over the intercom blared.

QT was shoved into the room on the other side of the large window. Behind him was a wall filled with lines and measurements in centimeters.

"Hey, you can't do this! I'm a robot!" QT protested. "Robots can't be arrested!"

"First up is a small, QT-34 maintenance droid, AKA 'QT.' So far, it has a pretty clean record, save for being involved in a few minor disturbance reports filed by the local Boobies restaurant. Our scans show the droid has been modified considerably with some newer parts, but is otherwise harmless."

"See? I'm just a harmless cleaning robot! I don't even know those other three!"

QT was shoved out of the room, by a large mechanical arm. As soon as he was out of the room, Meow was shoved in.

"Hey watch it!" Meow thrashed around, trying to hit the mechanical arm that dragged him in the room. "Police brutality! What the hell happened to the motto, 'to protect and serve,' huh?"

"Next up, we have a Betelgeusian named Meow. He's been booked a few times for public intoxication, petty theft, and a few sexual harassment charges, but nothing to warrant him more than a few cycles in prison. Our reports say he's a lazy little bastard who does nothing more than watch TV, eat snacks, and mess around on social media, so he's also relatively harmless."

The robot arm shoved Meow through the door at the other end of the room. Whenever he was gone, Dandy was dragged in.

"Hey, easy on the hair!" Dandy used his switchblade comb to fix his signature pompadour.

"This is the ringleader, a human alien hunter with several minor charges. Multiple accounts of public intoxication, hundreds of sexual harassment charges, illegal time travel, and most recently, theft of over two-hundred thousand woolongs worth of merchandise. He's a genuine grade-A asshole. He was armed with a D-88 laser pistol, but sources say he's no marksman."

"Hey, screw you pal! I've just got a lazy eye, that's all!"

Dandy was shoved through the same door as QT and Meow, flipping the chief off as he was pushed out with the mechanical hands.

Lastly, Carrie walked into the room on her own accord, gripping a severed mechanical hand tightly in her jaws. She happily chewed it up and swallowed it.

"Last up is an interesting case, the last Sepian in the known universe, Caroline "Carrie" Antilles. Don't let her sweet, innocent appearance fool you. Look at her file."

Several holographic documents popped up around Carrie's head, each one containing a different criminal offense.

"Multiple assault and battery charges, destruction of an entire city, impersonation of a deity, attempted cannibalism… And that's just the tip of the iceberg. She's a textbook maniac."

"Hot damn…"

The chief glanced over the data on Dandy, Carrie, Meow, and QT. He let out a sigh as he tapped a button on the holographic screen, causing the data to vanish.

"Captain, I want you to brand these four as 'Too dangerous to Trial' and send them to Beelzebub's Brig for a two hundred and fifty five cycle sentence. The Galaxy don't need delinquents like these running around. Also post their bail at three hundred thousand woolongs."

Dandy, QT, Meow, and Carrie were whisked away to a massive asteroid with a giant prison complex carved out of it. A thin, blue artificial atmosphere circled the massive interstellar structure and its walls were lined with heavy, two-hundred millimeter turbo-laser turrets.

Dandy and his crew were sprayed down (again) with a scalding hot disinfectant spray, given orange prison jumpsuits, and taken to the warden's office.

As they stood in front of his humongous desk, the warden looked down at his tiny new prisoners. He was an enormous man with red skin and a well-toned body. He stroked his ketchup-colored beard as he looked over the records of Dandy and his crew. He stood to his feet, crammed the records inside of his military-esque suit, and walked around his desk to examine the newcomers. As he did, Carrie turned away and covered her head.

"Don't squish me!" Carrie cried.

"Calm down, micronian. I'm not going to squish you, as long as you follow my rules," the warden said in a booming voice that seemed to echo on its own. "I am Warden Graxx, and this is my prison facility. I am the law here. I am your judge, jury, and if necessary, executioner. I fought in the Intergalactic Ethrite Wars and destroyed an entire army of mecha with my bare hands, and I will not hesitate to do the same to you. First rule, you stay within the barred off area. You can roam anywhere inside of it during daytime hours. Second rule, your curfew is 20:00. At that time, you will report to your designated prison cell without any complaints, and you will keep quiet until 05:00, at which point, you will wake up and report to the mess hall for breakfast and assignment. Third rule, you are required to work a required job assignment daily from 06:00 to 12:00. Most of this work is under contract of the Black Lotus Asteroid Mining Company, but may include cleaning my facility, maintenancing our space cruisers, or unloading supplies. Fourth rule, any thought of or attempt at escape will be met with harsh punishment. Fifth rule, I don't care what else you do or what the others do to you, as long as you obey the rules or don't cause any damage to my facility. Failure to comply with any of these rules will result in severe disciplinary action along with extended time in solitary confinement."

"That's just great," Dandy said sarcastically. "So how long do we have to stay in here?"

"You can leave when I say you can leave, micronian!" Graxx roared, pounding his humongous fist on his desk. Carrie ran to the other side of the room and ducked under a giant, discarded paper wad. "Guards!" Two heavily armored guards walked into the room, both of them wielding plasma rifles. "Put them in with the rest of the prisoners. They're on probation for a whole micro-cycle, starting from the moment they enter the inmates' quarters. Then, show them to their cell."

"Wait, cell?" Meow yelled. "We don't even get our own individual cells?"

"We're too far over capacity," Graxx replied, his voice causing the room to shake. "However, if you're still alive by then, we should have new cells by the next millennia." Graxx sneered. "Take them away."

The guards dragged the four of them out of Graxx's office and through a door made of metal bars as thick as telephone poles. The prisoner's area was just a huge pillar of floors upon floors of prison cells and a cafeteria at the very bottom floor. At the center of the room was a massive tower with glass windows and large heavy cannons pointed at the prisoners below. The air felt muggy and smelled like engine oil and body odor and all sorts of unsavory characters from every corner of the galaxy wandered around, all of them wearing the same orange jumpsuits Dandy and company were forced to don. The guards finally brought them to their cells, taking them past several free-roaming criminals who stared at the newcomers with murderous intent.

"The hallway on the bottom floor to your left has the men's showers, men's restrooms, the laundry room, and the weight lifting room. The hallway directly across from it on the other side leads to the women's showers, women's restrooms, equipment room, and the trams, which will take you to the mines every morning. The cafeteria's in the center on the bottom floor. Enjoy your stay!" The guards sneered and walked away.

Dandy and his crew examined their cell. There were two bunk beds, a sink, and one measly chair. The charging port on the back wall was molded over, and all three walls were covered in graffiti and tally marks either carved into the wall or marked in ink.

"So, we bustin' out of here?" Meow asked.

"Do you even need to ask?" Dandy answered.

"And how do you plan to break out of here?" QT inquired. "There's an army of military policemen guarding this place, our ship is 22 parsecs away in an impound lot, and the warden's a Zengonian, an alien race known for their immense size and nasty temper. They also confiscated our tools and weapons."

"We have the ultimate weapon and tool right here!" Dandy patted Carrie on the head.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about Carrie," QT replied. "I'm surprised they didn't put any gravity binders on her wrists to suppress her strength."

"I'm sick of this place already, so let's make like trees and get the hell outta here, baby!"

Just a few short minutes later, the complex was in a massive uproar. Armed guards ran down the main hallway of the building. Two stopped to turn around and shoot at an unknown attacker, but a vending machine was flung at them, flattening them at the other end of the hall. The attackers, Carrie, followed by Dandy, QT, and Meow ran down the hall after the other guards.

"Good job, vending machine!" Carrie said, picking the damaged machine up over her head and patting it. She turned to Dandy and asked, "Was that good?"

"That was great!" Dandy replied. "I can't believe how easy this is!"

The four of them rounded the corner, where the guards were reluctantly waiting to ambush them. But, as soon as they saw Carrie coming at them with her vending machine projectile, they scattered and ran for it, leaving one guard behind, who was too terrified to move. He collapsed to the ground as he saw Carrie trotting merrily towards him, the big, heavy vending machine hoisted high above her head. The guard fumbled with his communicator, but managed to hit a button.

"W-warden…" He stammered. "The new prisoners have escaped. We need backup immediately." Suddenly he screamed as Carrie dropped the vending machine on top of him, knocking him unconscious.

"Got him!" Carrie exclaimed.

Suddenly, a humongous red head crashed through the floor; it was Warden Graxx, and he looked quite upset.

"Not even thirty minutes, and you're already trying to break out," Graxx bellowed. "Give up and I'll go easy on you four."

Carrie shrunk back, afraid of the giant. But Dandy stuck out his chest and grabbed the rifle of the fallen guard.

"We're not afraid of you. You made a big mistake by not putting any gravity binders on our friend here." Dandy pointed at Graxx. "Sick 'em, Carrie!"

Carrie's fear quickly shrunk away. She picked up the vending machine again and ran at Graxx.

"GRAWR!" Carrie roared, trying to be intimidating. She threw the machine at Graxx, but it bounced uselessly off his face. He didn't even twitch from the impact.

"Punch him in his big nose!" Meow cheered.

Carrie did just that, but again, Graxx was unaffected. Graxx grinned at the Sepian girl.

"Uh-oh…" Carrie muttered.

Graxx blew a huge puff of hot air out of his nose at Carrie, blowing her back into the wall and embedding her in it.

"I'll admit," Graxx roared, "that's the first time anyone's hit me and I've actually felt something. Your lady friend must be pretty strong, but she's no match for me!"

The warden laughed as Dandy aimed the rifle right at his face. He shot the warden several times, but none of the bullets glanced off his red skin. When the rifle ran out of ammo, Dandy dropped the gun to the ground.

"Guards!" Warden Graxx bellowed. A troop of armed guards surrounded Dandy and his crew. "Take these four back to the prisoner's quarters. I think they've learned their lesson." The guards peeled Carrie off the back wall and led the four of them back to their cell. One of the guards approached the warden.

"Sir, we got a message from the Galactic Police Force. Someone has paid the bail on Mr. Space Dandy and his entire crew." The warden stood silent. "Do you want me to reply back?"

"Negative. Delete the message. Then forward some of that bail money to your personal account and keep quiet."

"But sir…"

"Look at it as keeping potentially dangerous criminals locked away. If the Force says anything about it, which I doubt they will, then I will take responsibility. For now, I want you to call in some repair robots and get this mess cleaned up."

"Yes, sir!" And with that, the guard ran off to do his job.

The guard went to do his job where he met one of his buddies. The two of them walked together for a bit, talking about the attempted prison break.

"Wow, the warden had to stop them?" The guard's buddy asked.

"Yeah. And then someone actually tried to post bail for them, but the warden told me to keep quiet about it and let me have part of it!"

"Hey, now you can buy me that beer you owe me!" The two of them stopped in front of a heavy metal door labeled "Solitary Confinement." "Say, who were those four anyways?"

"Some guy named Dandy, a Betelgeusian, a cleaning droid, and some short chick with big boobs."

As they talked and laughed, a pair of glowing eyes peered out at them from a slit in the metal door.

"Now about that beer…"

"All right, all right." They walked away. "After my shift ends, we'll get it."

"Carrie…" A raspy voice whispered from inside the door.

Back in the inmate's quarters, Dandy, Carrie, Meow, and QT were hanging out in their cell. Their only punishment was to be locked in the cell for the rest of the day without dinner. Dandy was still trying to think up an escape plan while Carrie and Meow were fighting over their only chair.

"I sat down in it first!" Meow shouted, trying to shove Carrie off of the seat.

"Nuh-uh! I licked it so it's mine!"

"It's a chair, not a cupcake…" Meow said, clinging to the back of the chair.

Carrie pulled him out of the seat and threw him into the wall. She tackled the chair and shouted, "I win!" Meow peeled himself off the wall.

"Oh no you don't!"

He jumped on Carrie's face and grabbed on, knocking the chair over backwards and dumping the both of them onto the floor. They wrestled a bit, until Dandy threw a pillow at both of them.

"Would the two of you knock it off!? I'm trying to think of a way out of here!"

"But Dandy," QT said. "You saw that warden guy. We'll never get past him!"

"Maybe we can. He's gotta sleep sometime. I say we wait until tonight, and make a break for it."

"And how do you propose we do that?" Meow asked. He and Carrie were pulling at each other's faces.

Dandy thought for a moment, then snapped his fingers. "I got it. We'll have Carrie quietly bend the cell bars enough so we can just walk right out. Then, we'll grab some weapons, slip through an air duct to the maintenance docks, steal a maintenance ship, and we're home free!"

"Hmm, that sounds easier said than done," QT said.

Just then, the four of them heard someone tapping on their cell door, causing them all to jump. They turned in the direction of their cell door and saw a guard standing there, holding a plate of food.

"How's it going?" He said mockingly. "Having fun yet?"

"Do you think he heard our plan?" QT whispered to Dandy.

"It doesn't look like it…" Dandy whispered back. "What do you want?"

"I was just about to join you four for dinner," the guard replied. All at once, Carrie's stomach grumbled loudly. "Ooh, sounds like someone's hungry. Would the lady like something to eat?"

He waved a chicken leg in front of the cell, causing Carrie to let go of Meow, which in turn caused him to fall to the ground, and ran towards the cell bars. She was about to grab the chicken leg, when the guard pulled it just out of her reach.

"Oh, I almost forgot. The warden said you don't get no food tonight!" The guard bit into the chicken leg as Carrie watched him hungrily, her face shoved through the bars. "Tough break. It was free-choice day in the cafeteria today. That means you could've had whatever you wanted for dinner. We only have that once every fifteen cycles, too!"

The guard waved the chicken leg in front of Carrie's face. She shoved the rest of her head further through the bars and snapped her jaws at it, but the guard pulled it away and took another bite. By now, a flood of saliva poured from Carrie's mouth.

"Carrie, get over here. Don't let him mess with you," Dandy told her.

"Yeah, you better go over to your friends and let me eat my food in peace!" The guard exclaimed. He scarfed all his food, tossed the plate over his shoulder, and walked away, laughing.

"He's gone, now quit making a scene and get over here," Dandy told Carrie again.

Carrie tried to pull her head through the bars, but it wouldn't budge.

"Uh-oh…" She said.

"What now?"

"I think I'm stuck…"

Dandy, QT, and Meow walked over to Carrie, who was slightly hunched over, her head sticking all the way through the bars.

"This could pose a problem to my plan," Dandy said.

"What if we had Carrie just bend the bars now and slide her head out?" Meow suggested.

"There are guards everywhere right now!" Dandy answered, motioning to a pair of guards just down the hallway. "If they saw her bending the bars, they'll put gravity binders on her wrists, and then we'll never get out of here! As long as they don't think we'll try to use her strength to escape again, they won't do that."

"Wait, I got an idea!" Carrie exclaimed. "Hey you! Mister police guy!" She waved at one of the guards down the hall. "Yoo-hoo! I need help!"

"Carrie, shut up!" Dandy covered Carrie's mouth, but it was too late. The two guards approached the front of the cell.

"Hi!" Carrie greeted them. "I'm stuck. Can you help me out?" The guards laughed at her.

"Sure! We'll just grab the electric saw, slice your head off, and you're free." Dandy, QT, and Meow gasped.

"And then you'll give it back so I can stick it back on, right?" Carrie asked.

"Of course!" The other guard lied. "We'll even get you some tape so you can tape it back on!" He slapped the other guard on the shoulder and they busted out laughing again. "You need anything else?"

"Oh, while you at it, can you bring me a steak?"

"Yeah, sure," the guard lied again. "Now don't go anywhere! We'll be right back…" The two of them walked off, both still chuckling.

"How ya like that? Not only do we get a good laugh, but we get to use the saw again," the group heard as the two guards walked out of sight.

"It's okay, they said they'd help," Carrie told Dandy. Just then, she felt someone grab her waist and pull on her.

"Hold still and stop wagging your tail in my face," Dandy ordered Carrie, swatting her tail out of his face. Meow and QT grabbed Dandy. "We got to get you out of there."

"Okay but be careful, I'm ticklish." Carrie said.

Dandy, QT, and Meow started to pull, but Carrie started laughing and squirmed out of Dandy's grip.

"Dammit, hold still!" Dandy, QT, and Meow grabbed Carrie's waist again, but Carrie started laughing again and knocked them to the ground with her tail.

"Sorry!" Carrie apologized.

"Now what do we do?" QT asked.

"Let me handle this…"

Dandy pulled out a stone block from the wall and hit Carrie in the head with it, knocking her unconscious. Meow rubbed a bar of soap on her face and the three of them were able to try and get her unstuck without her squirming. They slid her head out, but one of the bars broke loose and clattered to the ground. The three of them stared at the bar in horror.

"There goes our escape plan," Meow cried, dancing around in panic.

"When those guards come back, they're gonna tell the warden and then he's going to tear us to pieces!" QT added. Meanwhile, Carrie had started to wake up.

"This is all your fault!" Dandy shouted at her, pointing his finger in her face. "You're always thinking with your stomach!"

Carrie looked down at the broken bar. "Oh no! I broke it! Now the big scary guy's gonna get me!"

"Maybe we can put it back. Here, you broke it, you fix it!" Meow gave Carrie the bar and she tried to fit it back in its spot, but it wouldn't stay.

"We're doomed!" QT shouted. "We'll be stuck in here forever!"

"Here you hold it!" Carrie yelled, trying to give Meow the bar.

"Hell no! You're the one that broke it!" Carrie tried to shove the bar in Meow's paws, but he ran away, Carrie chasing him. "Quit! Stay away from me!"

Dandy started crying while QT started having a panic attack. Carrie tried to flush the bar down the toilet, but it wouldn't go down. Meow pulled the pillow out of its case and stuffed himself inside. Suddenly, they heard a metallic clanging and the sound of those guards still chattering about cutting Carrie's head off.

"They're coming back," Meow whispered.

"What do we do now?" QT asked, still panicked.

Dandy put the bar back in place and Meow acted like he was leaning on it, holding it in place. The guards walked up to the cell bars, one of them holding an electric saw.

"Sorry boys, we already got her unstuck," Dandy told them. The two guards frowned.

"Well, we didn't go all the way to the equipment room and back for nothing!" One of the guards exclaimed.

"Yeah, someone's gonna lose their heads!" The guard holding the saw shouted, revving up the saw.

Meow pulled the bar out and pointed at Dandy. "Take his head! He's the most useless!"

"Me!? Carrie's the one that broke the cell bar! Cut her head off!"

"But I'm still using it!" Carrie whined, gripping the sides of her head.

"How about we just cut all your heads off so you'll all shut up!" The guard shouted, opening the cell door.

"Wait, you can't do that!" QT exclaimed. "You'll get in trouble with the warden!"

"The warden don't care what happens to criminals like you!"

As Dandy, QT, Meow, and Carrie cowered in the corner, the two guards standing over them, the ground began to shake beneath them. The two guards stopped and looked around to see what was going on.

"What's that?" Meow asked.

Carrie smelled the air, smelling both the usual, musty smell of the prison and a familiar, but faint, perfumey smell. Carrie's look of fear gave way to her trademark smile.

"Mama!" Carrie chirped, wagging her tail.

"Mama?" Dandy, QT, and Meow asked, looking at each other.

Suddenly, a short, chubby woman with a greying, beehive-shaped hairdo and wearing an orange inmate jumpsuit charged into the cell. The guards tried to fight her off, but she overpowered them easily. She took the broken cell bar, and bent it around both of the guards, tying them together.

"Nobody hurts my baby!" The woman exclaimed with a British accent.

"Mama!" Carrie exclaimed, giving the woman a hug.

"Carrie-poo! Oh, you've gotten so big!"

"Who are you?" Dandy asked her.

"I'm Agnes Antilles, this lovely lady's step mother!" Agnes gave Carrie another hug.

"What are you doing in here?" QT asked her.

"I was protesting the terraforming of a planet where this fascinating group of natives lived. The Feds then set me up, and I've been stuck here ever since."

"How did you know where to find us?" QT asked.

"I overheard the guards talking about your escape attempt and how someone posted bail for you, and I knew at once they wouldn't let you go, so I broke out to do something about it."

"But you're smaller than Carrie," Dandy said. "How did you-?"

"Biomechanical implants," Agnes answered. "My real joints went a long time ago. Now all of you come with me if you want to get out of here in one piece!"

Agnes led the four of them through the prison uncontested. The guards had all been alerted to the escape, so they had all gathered at all escape routes out of the prison, however, Agnes had led the group to the one place none of them wanted to go…

"The warden's office!?" All four of them shrieked as they looked up at the massive wooden door.

"Oh, show some backbone," Agnes told them all. "Carrie, could you please open the door for mama?"

"But I don't wanna…" Carrie said, hiding behind Dandy.

"Don't back-talk your mama! I'm not afraid of that big, red blowhard and you shouldn't be either!"

Carrie reluctantly pushed on the door, breaking the latch and opening the latch. Agnes marched into the door and slammed it shut, leaving Dandy and the others standing outside. They heard some sort of unintelligible ruckus inside, and then Agnes walked out holding the file Graxx had stuffed in his uniform. He handed it to Dandy.

"There, show these papers to the guards at the main gate and they can't keep you from leaving. If they follow procedure, they'll arrange a transport to take you back to your space colony."

"What about you?" Carrie asked.

"I have to stay here, but I'll be out soon."

"Can't you just bust out? You seem to have handled that warden guy pretty well in there," Meow suggested.

"I may have these biomechanical implants, but I'm still too old to take on a brute like that. Besides, I like the food here and they keep me in a cell all to myself so the other inmates won't bother me."

"Well, I guess we can leave," Dandy said, looking at the file in his hand. The group turned to make their way to the facility's main exit.

"Carrie, tell your father I said hi and I'll look forward to his visit next Thursday!"

"Okay mama!"

Dandy and his crew were allowed to leave and transported to the impound lot, where they found that their ship had been paid for and released. They then flew back to Space Colony 280-B, where they docked in their usual hangar, which had been cleared by the colony's decontamination crew.

"I wonder who it was that posted bail for us?" QT asked.

"Who cares, we actually got off Scott-free this time, so I'm not complaining," Dandy replied. He looked at the paperwork himself. "It says it was signed by some guy named Dr. Gel. Does that name mean anything to you guys?"

QT, Meow, and Carrie shared confused glances.

"No," Meow replied, shaking his head.

"Oh well," Dandy said, tossing the file in the floor. "Hell, he might've been some random rich guy I had a drink with."

"Um, I hate to burst your bubble, Dandy, but check out this letter…" QT handed Dandy an envelope. Dandy opened it and saw a massive bill for twenty-thousand woolongs, which promptly caused the alien hunter to pass out.

Meanwhile, light-years away, Commodore Perry's ship was in orbit around the Nebula of Sarseese, a massive armada of ships surrounding the Lady Liberty-shaped ship. Inside, Perry sat at his massive chair, Dr. Gel and Bea standing before him.

"Sir, the bond on Mr. Dandy has been paid. He should be back at his place of residence at any time," Dr. Gel said.

"Excellent," Commodore Perry replied. "I want you to go to Space Colony 280-B and execute phase II of our plan. We'll soon be able to take what's rightfully ours…"