The universe is filled with billions of extraterrestrial beings, many of them new and undiscovered! But one man named Dandy plans on finding and registering them all! He travels the universe with his crew and amazing pompadour in search of adventure, excitement, and boobies! These are the adventures of the dandiest guy in space, Space Dandy!

Dandy and his crew sat in Johnny's room, all four of them bored out of their minds. Johnny stood at the door, chatting with someone on his communicator. After he finished his call, he turned to Dandy.

"So, I've got some good news."

"The registration center opened up so I can go back to hunting aliens?"

"No, Dandy…"

"We're getting space pizza?"

"I wanted a space burger…" Carrie muttered as she popped open a soda can.

"You guys ordered lunch?" Dandy asked, pissed that they left him out. "I wanted a friggin' stratospheric slime shake with candy bits! Y'know they always send one of their sexy delivery ladies when you order one!"

"I like their space fries and solar sundaes," Bea added.

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Johnny rubbed his forehead in frustration.

"No! I just got off the phone regarding the repairs to your ship!"

"Repairs? Didn't Carrie completely flatten that thing like a soda can?" Meow asked.

As if on cue, Carrie crushed the now-empty can of soda on her forehead and laughed.

"Yeah, they had to completely rebuild it from scratch."

"What do you mean? It sounds less like you had my ship repaired and more like you're replacing it."

Dandy got in Johnny's face.

"That ship was a custom classic, baby!"

"Custom classic?" Johnny asked.

"Hell yeah, I made all the modifications myself."

Johnny, Q.T., and Meow collectively raised an eyebrow at Dandy.

"Well… I paid a bunch of people to modify my ship and then took the money I was gonna pay them and spent it at Boobies… But that's not the point!"

Dandy pointed at Johnny.

"The point is, you can't just replace the Aloha Oe!"

"It looks exactly the same, except it works better and has been upgraded and improved."

"Oh, no! There's no way in hell I'm letting you replace my ship! No way, baby!"

Hours later, Johnny took Dandy down to the hangar where the Aloha Oe II awaited its new crew.

The ship looked almost exactly like the original, except it had a brighter paint job and had no dents, scratches, nor obvious patch jobs. There was one change made to the large, spherical engine at the back. It was now cone-shaped with dozens of fins spiraling from its base towards the tip with a deep, purple glowing energy that followed the contours of the threading.

The interior was basically unchanged aside from looking much cleaner and most surfaces being covered in a clear, protective plastic. Everything had been replaced.

Johnny then led Dandy and his crew to the cockpit, where he pushed a button. The Aloha Oe II suddenly contorted into the shape of a massive robot that kinda resembled a buff Elvis wearing a yellow suit. The Little Aloha then took off on its own and transformed into a head and merged with the cone-shaped structure to look like a giant pompadour. The Aloha cannon then formed a large gun for the new mech.

Dandy and his crew stared out of the mech's eyes, their mouths agape.

"We weren't able to renew the trademark for the Hawaii Yankee Special. So, you'll have to come up with a new name for it."

"The Aloha Oe Nui," Dandy said. "That's what we'll call it! This is badass! I can't wait to give it a test drive!"

Dandy reached for the mech's controls, but Johnny elbowed him in the head.

"What the hell? What d'ya do that for?"

"I can't register the ship in your name, because your license expired two years ago."

Dandy checked his license, and sure enough, the expiration date literally read "two years ago."

"I told you to get that renewed…" Q.T. remarked.

"So, I just get it renewed, you register my groovy new ship in my name, and we can go kick this Claire chick's ass."

"Yeah," Johnny said. "We're on course for the Space DMV right now."

Carrie suddenly scowled.

"I hate that place," she growled.

"Why?" Meow asked.

"You'll see…" Carrie answered ominously.

A short time later, the crew found themselves standing in a massive line inside the Space DMV.

You see, reader, much like the present time DMV, the Space DMV is in charge of issuing all licenses for vehicles, but it also issues operators licenses for spaceships, saucers, cruisers, and mechs. It's also notorious for having long wait times, with the current record-holder being Jeb.

In fact, still sitting in the corner after about thirteen-billion years and some change, was Jeb, the grey, t-headed, bug-eyed, wrinkly old alien. He came in 13 billion years ago to get a license for his saucer, but due to a clerical error, he has been asked to wait for a little while until his license can be properly processed.

Dandy and his crew waited and waited. Days went by, and all four of them had to sleep on the floor as they waited. Finally, they made it to the front desk, where they found Scarlett working the counter.

"Scarlett!?" Dandy exclaimed.

"Great, it's you three…" Scarlett muttered. "Hey, Carrie."

Carrie mumbled some nonsense jibberish, not in the mood to be friendly.

"What're you doing here?" Q.T. asked.

"I had to pick this job up after they closed down the registry center. So, what do you guys want?"

"I'm here to renew my license," Dandy answered.

"Great," Scarlett answered sarcastically. "Take a number and go sit down. We'll call you when we're done processing your paperwork."

A slip of paper popped out of a small box on the counter. Dandy took it and he and his crew sat down to wait. Carrie laid down on the floor at their feet.

A bell dinged and the number twenty-six flashed on a screen above Scarlett's head.

"Now serving number twenty-six on counter eighty-five," Scarlett said, speaking into a microphone.

Dandy looked down at the slip of paper, but the number on it was 1,289,994… Dandy grumbled as he sunk into his seat; this was going to take a while.

"There doesn't seem to be many people here," Q.T. noticed. "Maybe they'll move us up the queue."

The four of them waited for another day, then Dandy looked up at the screen above Scarlett. The bell chimes again and the number changed to twenty-seven.

Dandy let out a loud groan.

"I told you," Carrie grumbled.

"How do you know so much about this place?" Q. the Sepian.

"I came here to get my license, but they took too long and I got bored so I left."

"You tried to get a spaceship license?"

Carrie nodded and showed her long-expired permit.

"Carrie with a spaceship license…"

Meow imagined Carrie plowing through other starships, satellites, and space stations before finally crashing into a planet, destroying it in a massive explosion. He shuttered.

Dandy stood up and walked over to where Scarlett was sitting.

"Listen, Scarlett, I don't have time to wait here all millennia."

Jeb, who was sitting in the back, smiled and waved at Dandy.

"That's not my problem," Scarlett muttered. She was obviously just as bored as Dandy. "You'll have to wait just like everyone else."

Dandy groaned and sat back down. Jeb scooted his seat over next to Dandy's.

"Don't worry, you shouldn't be waiting too much longer," he said. He chuckled maniacally. "I've only been waiting a few billion years!"

Jeb broke out into a fit of crazed laughter.

"But it's okay, 'cuz I'm finally next!"

Jeb showed Dandy his slip of paper. It was long faded with bits of it torn off, but the number was still readable. Number twenty-eight.

Dandy stared at the huge number on his piece of paper, trying to do the math in his head. But the large amount of brain activity required gave him a headache, so he just told himself it would be a lot longer than thirteen billion years before they finally got to his number.

Dandy looked over at Jeb, whose right eye twitched as he rocked back and forth in his seat. Resting in his crusty, aged hand was his queue slip. Number twenty-eight.

Dandy waited and waited until Jeb finally fell asleep. He then sneakily swapped his queue slip with Jeb's.

Hours later, Scarlett finally called number twenty-eight. Jeb snorted and woke up.

"I do believe that's my number," he bragged.

"You might wanna check again, old-timer," Dandy told him. "I'm next."

Jeb looked down at his queue slip, number 1,289,994… He scratched the back of his head.

"Well I… can't be… guess I read it wrong… it's been a while since I looked at the damn thing…"

Jeb shuffled away, still muttering to himself.

Dandy and crew walked up to the counter. Dandy showed Scarlett his queue number and grinned.

"So, do I get my new license now?"

"No," Scarlett answered flatly. "You have to retake the exam…"

"Exam?"

"It's standard procedure, Dandy…"

"The exam is actually the fun part," Carrie told him. "It's also really easy."

Dandy groaned, annoyed.

"Now if you'd please, go wait in line."

Dandy looked behind Scarlett's counter and saw an impossibly long line. Dandy threw back his head and groaned even louder at the prospect that he'd have to wait even longer.

Dandy and his crew went to wait in line, but Scarlett stopped them.

"Only test-takers are permitted to enter beyond this point. One of you, however, may accompany Dandy for his docking and flight exams."

Q.T. and Meow shoved Carrie behind the counter.

"Here Carrie, you can stay with Dandy and wait in that huge line," Meow told her.

"Yeah, we're tired of waiting around this place so we're going to go wait somewhere less boring."

"Wait, take me with you!" Carrie cried as the Betelgeusian and robot ran out the door. "I don't wanna wait anymore!"

So, Dandy and Carrie got to wait around longer…

They stood in line for hours and hours. But as Dandy and Carrie's minds began to turn to mush from the sheer, unrelenting boredom, a sharp pencil impaled Dandy through his prized pompadour, but he was too bored out of his mind to notice. It wasn't until the second pencil thrown at them bounced off the scales on Carrie's face and poked him in the eye.

Dandy screamed and pulled the pencil out of his eye.

"What the hell, Carrie!? What did you do that for?"

Carrie just moaned, still too overcome by boredom to answer Dandy.

Another pencil flew by Dandy's face. He turned towards the direction in which it came from and immediately noticed Jeb towards the back of the line. He held a cup full of pencils in his hand and was sharpening more in an electric pencil sharpener sitting on the desk beside him.

"I know you swiped my number!" The crazy alien yelled. "Now I'm gonna get you good!"

Jeb threw more overly sharpened pencils at Dandy. One of them hit him in the face. Dandy reached for his ray gun, but suddenly realized he'd left it behind.

"Dammit! Carrie!"

Dandy slapped Carrie in the back of her head, Carrie just turned and looked at him with the expression of a very bored zombie.

"Quit standing around and sick 'em!"

Dandy pointed at Jeb, who stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry at them.

Carrie chuckled at him, until a pencil hit her right in the eye. She squealed in pain.

"Gotcha!" Jeb laughed.

"Quit goofing around and go beat the shit out of that annoying old alien!" Dandy ordered.

Carrie, however, just curled up on the floor with her hands over her eye.

"Carrie holds her own against one of the most dangerous bad-guys in this fanfic, but then gets her ass kicked by an old man…" Dandy muttered. "Yeah that makes sense…"

More pencils were flung in their direction. Dandy pulled Carrie up off the floor and they both ran down the hallway, ignoring the line.

Jeb ran after them, his crazed laughter echoed through the building.

Dandy and Carrie hid in a room, as Jeb ran past them waving sharpened pencils over his head.

"Yeah, run that way you crazy old man," Dandy whispered.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed them both by the shoulder. A huge red skinned alien covered in huge bumps spun the two of them around to face it.

The alien garbled something at them. Dandy turned on his translator.

"I said, are you two gonna stand around or are you gonna take your seats for the exam!?"

"Oh, uh, yeah…"

Dandy took his seat at the front of the class.

"But I'm not-"

"Stop stalling and take your seat!"

The alien shoved Carrie into the seat behind Dandy and handed them both an exam booklet and a pencil.

"I am Mr. Noc. Now that everyone's here, you may begin."

The alien sat at the desk at the front of the room and immediately fell asleep. All the others except for Dandy and Carrie started filling in answers.

Dandy read the first question, but then Carrie nudged him.

"Pssst, what do I put for 'name'?"

"Just put your name, Carrie…"

Carrie thought for a minute.

"I'll just come back to that later…"

Dandy then nudged Carrie.

"What's 'right-of-way'?"

Carrie shrugged.

They spent the next hour filling in answers until they finally finished. An alarm went off, waking the alien up.

"Okay, the exam is over, pencils down!"

The alien took everyone's exam. A big machine then lowered itself from the ceiling onto the floor. It sort of looked like a cross between a mailbox and a printer.

"Now to put all the exams in this machine to be graded."

The alien jammed the whole stack of papers into the machine. It hummed and beeped for a few seconds, then spat out a long string of paper. The alien tore it off and looked over its contents.

"Huh, looks like you all passed…"

Dandy and Carrie celebrated and cheered.

"…Except for Mr. Dandy who scored less than sixty percent and Ms. Carrie, who didn't put her name on her exam."

"However, as the exam doesn't really matter, you two can still take the dock and flight exams."

"So that exam was a waste of time…"

"Not at all, sir. If you got a perfect score, you could've skipped the dock and flight exams."

Just then Jeb strolled up to the red alien, who handed him his new license.

Jeb waved it at Carrie and Dandy.

"Dumbasses!"

The Sepian and alien hunter frowned as Jeb strutted out of the room, cackling. The rest of the exam takers took their new licenses and left Dandy and Carrie alone in the room with Mr. Noc.

"Okay, Mr. Dandy, if you'll meet me at the dock, we can start your docking exam."

"What about me?" Carrie asked.

"You couldn't even put your name on your exam! You're the last life form we'd even consider giving a license to!"

Carrie puffed out her cheeks and pouted.

"But we do have something you can do to make up the exam…"

Carrie smiled.

A short time later, Dandy found himself at the exam hangar, where a beat-up spaceship waited for him.

Dandy stared at it as Mr. Noc walked up to him.

"Now, all you have to do is perform all procedures necessary to take off, as well as avoid the obstacle."

Dandy looked around.

"But the place is empty. There's nothing to avoid."

Carrie then stepped out into the dock. She wore a bright, reflective orange vest as well as a traffic cone with a flashing orange light. Her tail was also wrapped with a bright orange saddle-like harness with bicycle reflectors sewn into it.

"Ah, there's your obstacle," Mr. Noc pointed out.

Carrie waved at them.

"Now, just step inside, and we'll begin your exam."

The little ship's interior was just as run down as the outside. The seats had been patched up and there were two sets of control consoles, one for each of the front seats. A "student pilot" sign written in alien decorated the rear window.

"Now, we just need you to perform standard take-off procedures, turn around, and then show me proper landing procedures. All without hitting the obstacle."

Dandy looked down at the ship's rear view monitor and saw Carrie waving at him.

"No problem, baby!" Dandy exclaimed as he gripped the little ship's controls.

Dandy's fingers hammered at the ship's controls as its engines revved to life. The ship slowly lifted off the floor. Dandy backed the ship into the hangar's take-off lane marked by lights. Carrie now stood in front of him. She gave him a thumbs-up and dandy took off.

"Just loop around and land," the red alien told Dandy.

Dandy grinned, and instead he pulled back on a lever, causing the ship to accelerate. Mr. Noc screamed as Dandy flew towards the other end of the hangar, which was walled off.

Just before the ship collided with the wall, Dandy pulled back on the ship's controls and it performed a ninety-degree turn upwards and flipped around, turning the ship back towards the take-off lane.

Dandy dodged the lights, repair cranes, and scaffolding that hung from the roof, then he landed in the hangar's landing lane.

"N-now b-b-back it into the d-d-docking z-zone," Mr. Noc stammered.

Dandy grinned triumphantly as he backed the ship into position, then suddenly the ship reeled as it backed hard into something.

"What the hell?" Dandy shouted.

"Stop, stop!" The red alien screamed.

Dandy opened the ship's hatch to see what he hit. It turns out, he had backed into Carrie. Carrie stood with her back wedged in the rear left corner of the ship. She didn't seem to notice, however.

"Did you pass?" She asked. Dandy growled in frustration.

Mr. Noc crawled out of the ship.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Dandy, but you hit the obstacle, so you automatically fail…"

"She's not supposed to be standing in the docking zone!"

Dandy peeled Carrie out of the huge, Sepian-shaped indent that now adorned the rear of the ship.

"You're not supposed to be standing in the docking zone, dumbass!"

Dandy slapped Carrie in the back of the head, but she barely reacted.

"What the hell were you doing there?"

"Sorry, I saw a bug…"

Carrie held up a beetle and shoved it in the alien hunter's face. She then ate it, causing him to wince in disgust.

"Please, follow me for your final flight test," Mr. Noc told Dandy.

A short walk later, Dandy found himself in another hangar, this one with the far end actually opened with a protective shielding to keep the vacuum of space from sucking everyone and everything out. A similar spacecraft to the previous one Dandy wrecked earlier sat in the docking zone.

Carrie stood in the middle of the take-off lane. She still wore her safety get-up, but now she also had traffic cones over her arms and the tip of her tail, as well as a gaudy orange vest with bright yellow lights so she'd be more visible.

"This time, Mr. Dandy, you'll perform the same procedures as last time, only we'll be taking you out in space. There, you'll pass through five rings, turn around, pass through the same rings in reverse order, then land safely, again without hitting the obstacle."

Dandy and Mr. Noc glared at Carrie, who was staring down at another beetle. She tried to pick it up, but the cones on her hands impeded her, and she wound up falling forwards.

Dandy and Mr. Noc jumped in the ship and they took off smoothly. Dandy once again had to show off by doing a barrel roll (calm yourselves, meme-lords) as he rocketed out of the hangar.

"Whoa, watch your speed!" The red alien exclaimed.

Dandy narrowly avoided a satellite as he effortlessly passed through the first and second rings. The ship weaved through a field of asteroids as it passed through the third ring.

Dandy set his sights for the fourth ring when the ship reeled from an impact.

"Dammit, I hit Carrie again!" Dandy yelled as he stopped the ship. "How the hell did she get way out here?"

"I don't think that was your friend…" the alien pointed out.

Dandy looked to the side to see a barrel-shaped ship with two huge arm-mounted laser cannons on the side. In the bubble-shaped dome at the top sat Jeb.

"I told ya I'd get 'cha ya asshole!" Jeb chuckled as he fired on Dandy's ship again.

Dandy looked over the ship's console.

"Where the hell are the weapons on this thing?"

"There are none! This is just a shuttle we use for exams! It isn't meant for-"

Mr. Noc screamed as the unarmed shuttle boosted forward and away from Jeb as he chased after them.

Dandy dodged laser shots and oncoming traffic as he headed for the final ring. The ship reeled from another blast, this one blowing a hole in the rear near the main thrusters.

Dandy narrowly made it through the ring, but he scraped the edge as he passed through it. He turned the ship around to face Jeb.

"What the hell are you doing? We need to get out of here now before he blows us to bits!" Mr Noc yelled.

"I'm getting my license, baby!"

Dandy flew the ship straight at Jeb. Jeb swerved to avoid the craft, but his maneuver caused him to crash into the fifth ring, breaking off one of the ship's guns. Dandy passed through the ring and headed back to the fourth, Jeb hot on his tail and still firing at him with his remaining gun.

The two narrowly avoided traffic as Dandy passed through the fourth ring and entered the asteroid field. Jeb followed close behind, gaining quickly.

Jeb hit the little craft again, sending it into an asteroid. It bounced off the space rock and through the third ring. The impact sent the asteroid at Jeb and knocked off his ship's remaining arm. A smaller cannon emerged from a hatch at the front of Jeb's ship as he followed Dandy.

Dandy tried to avoid the rain of laser bolts, but with the damage he had already sustained, he was unable to dodge them all. The ship's engine was hit and exploded, propelling the ship through the third and second rings.

The ship spun out of control until it bounced off the satellite from before and went through the first ring. Dandy engaged emergency thrusters to try to steer the ship towards the hangar. Jeb smashed into the first ring head-on in an attempt to ram Dandy, which caused his craft to burst into flames.

Dandy carefully aimed the ship at a small orange point at the hangar; this point was Carrie, who was just standing in the middle of the landing lane. He grumbled when he realized that the only way to stop the ship from skidding to the back of the hangar in a nasty crash was to hit Carrie and hope it was enough to stop them.

The ship crashed right at the edge of the landing lane and skidded right into Carrie. The front end of the ship wrapped around her from the hard impact as if it were a car that hit a telephone pole. Carrie, however, just stood there, completely unfazed or unmoved as if she were made of stone.

Narrowly avoiding Dandy's ship was the burning wreckage of Jeb's ship. The burning, barrel-shaped ship rolled and bounced across the hangar floor before it exploded against the side of the hangar wall.

Foam rained down on the wrecked ships, extinguishing the fires. Dandy and the red alien crawled out of their smashed ship.

"Did you pass?" Carrie asked.

"Probably not, because I had to hit your ass because that crazy old geezer attacked me!"

Carrie's face turned indignant.

"You hit me again?"

Carrie turned her head to see that once again she was embedded in the ship's hull.

"Wow, you really suck…"

Dandy grumbled.

Just then, Jeb crawled out of the wreckage of his own ship, badly burned, but still alive and apparently still crazy as ever, considering his crazed laughter.

"I got you good!" Jeb laughed. "I told ya I'd get 'cha!"

The red alien aggressively shoved a sheet of paper in Dandy's face.

"Uh… what's this?"

"I'm passing you…"

"But what about-"

"Just take the paper, go get your picture taken for your license, and leave! In fact, I'm issuing you a non-expiring license. I don't wanna see you or your friend here ever again!"

"Congratulations, ya asshole," Jeb spat in his hand and grabbed Dandy's.

"What about me?" Carrie protested. "I got ran over twice and poked in the eye!"

"Ma'am, I wouldn't issue you a license if you were the last life-form in the universe."

Carrie folded her arms under her boobs and pouted.

After a few moments of silence, Jeb busted out laughing. Mr. Noc followed, then Dandy, and finally Carrie.

Not long after, Dandy strutted up to Scarlett and slammed the paper down on her desk.

"I got the goods, now gimme my license, baby!"

"So you passed?"

"Pretty impressive, huh, baby? You see, it takes a special breed of man to be able to-"

"Dandy, as long as you didn't forget to put your name on your exam paper…"

Carrie's face scrunched into an angry grimace.

"…or you brought your examiner back in one piece during your flight test, you would've gotten your license regardless of how well you did."

"Just shut up and take my photo for my license."

Dandy ran a comb through his hair and posed for the camera as it flashed.

"Wanna take one more for… posterity, baby?" He flirted.

Scarlett smacked him. While his face was still swollen with a red handprint on his swollen cheek, the camera snapped another picture.

"I think we'll use this one," Scarlett informed him coyly.

Dandy groaned as Scarlett handed the alien hunter his new license.

To be continued…