Chapter 1
March, 1976
Ennis woke up slowly, with a sense that something wasn't right. No, not that it wasn't right–just different. He started to move and realized immediately what was different. Jack. Jack was behind him, holding him close, skin on skin from Jack's cheek on the back of his neck all the way down to their feet tangled together. He gripped Jack's hand where it rested on his stomach, linked their fingers together, and pulled it up to his chest. Jack stirred behind him and kissed the nape of his neck, his lips soft. Ennis didn't think he'd ever felt something so sweet in his entire life. He pulled Jack even closer.
"Hey," Jack said softly, smiling, his lips still on Ennis's neck.
"Hey, yourself." They were silent for a while until Ennis said, "We should probably get up."
"It's still dark out."
"I know, but we gotta bring the horses to my boss's ranch. He's gonna board 'em while I'm gone."
"You already talked to 'im?"
"Yeah."
"So, you had this trip planned before I got here?"
"Well, yeah, Jack. I didn' know you was comin'."
"Hmm . . . "
Ennis turned to face him. He rested his hand on Jack's cheek and leaned close for a kiss. Jack put his arms around him and caressed his back. "I'm glad you're here," Ennis said softly, "glad you're goin' with me. I ain't never been out of Wyoming before. I'm a little nervous, tell the truth. It's a long way to Minnesota from here."
Jack was quiet for a moment, taking this in. He was surprised by Ennis's admission and touched that he trusted him enough to let down his defenses and share his fears with him.
"Ennis," he said finally, "I'm glad I'm here too. And I'm mighty happy you want me t'come with ya." He kissed Ennis again, taking his lower lip into his mouth and running his tongue across it. He was also conscious of the fact that at any minute Ennis could spook and change his mind and Jack wanted to be careful–take things slow and easy–so that wouldn't happen. He broke away, "Ya think we oughta get up an' get goin'?"
Ennis hooked his leg over Jack's hip and pulled him close. "I think we can wait a little while." He kissed Jack, "It's gonna be a long coupla days in the truck and it's been a long time since we seen each other. Maybe we oughta stay in bed a little longer."
"Are we gonna sleep while we're in bed?" Jack smirked.
"Nope."
"Mmm . . . " was all Jack got out, his lips being occupied with something other than talking.
The clock on the night stand showed it was 5:30. Ennis was curled around Jack this time when he awoke. He rubbed his face and raised up on his elbow, then leaned down and put his mouth next to Jack's ear. "Jack, darlin'. We gotta get goin', bud."
"Y'okay." Jack turned to look up at Ennis, a sleepy smile on his face.
Ennis felt a hitch in his heart. He's so beautiful, he thought. This thought was warring in his mind with the ever-present guilt he felt for even being here, in bed, in love, in deep, with another man. There was a new, deeper level to his guilt and the fear he felt for himself, though. He was even more fearful for Jack. He'd feared the tire irons coming for him ever since he saw Earl's broken body in the ditch, knowing, even then, that fate could be his one day. Now, though, he didn't fear for himself as much as he did for Jack. Sweet, beautiful Jack. Ennis looked into those eyes and saw Jack's love for him in them, reflected so clearly, and he felt his vision begin to swim. He looked away quickly, surprised by his tears.
"Ennis?" Jack was concerned. He'd watched the play of emotions across Ennis's face and saw the tears when they came. "Sshh . . . it's okay . . . " he stroked Ennis's hair with one hand, while pulling him close with the other.
Ennis nuzzled into Jack's neck, sniffed and blinked quickly a couple times. He didn't try to explain, just took what comfort he could from Jack before declaring that they were getting up right now. Jack laughed and gave him a push.
Ennis got up and took a quick shower, then made coffee for them while Jack showered. He filled the thermos, made some sandwiches, and packed a small bag of clothes and toiletries for the trip. Then Jack helped Ennis load the horses into the back of the truck.
"You wanna ride with me over to the ranch?" Ennis asked. "Then we can come back here and get your truck, since you insist on us takin' it," he said, grinning.
Jack blinked, surprised, yet again, by this turn of events–that Ennis was willing to be seen with him out in public. He smiled and looked down, almost shyly, "Sure, bud."
The ranch was about ten miles from Ennis' house. In his own mind, Ennis had to admit that he hoped no one would be around when they got there. Being with Jack around other people was so new that he wasn't sure how to deal with it. Usually, it was just the two of them, the horses, and the wilderness and there was comfort in that. When they pulled up in front of the stable, however, there was a stocky, older man just leaving it. He approached the truck. "Hey, Ennis," he said, as Ennis got out of the truck.
"'Lo, John." The man glanced at Jack as he got out of the truck and went around to the back, where Ennis had already started to unload the horses. "John, this here's my friend Jack Twist. Jack, this is John Rogers, my boss."
Jack recognized the look on Ennis's face, the stoicism that was a brick wall of protection. He put out his hand and smiled at John, "Pleased to meet you, Sir."
John smiled back and shook his hand, "Same here." He turned to Ennis. "So, how long're you gonna be gone, Ennis?"
Ennis didn't look at him; just kept unloading the horses. Finally he looked up and met John's eyes. "'Bout a week, I guess. I sure 'preciate you keepin' the horses for me," and ducked his head down again.
"No problem."
Ennis and Jack each led one of the horses into the stable and settled them in stalls. Before leaving, Ennis touched each of them tenderly on the nose and spoke soft words that only they could hear.
John was standing by the truck smoking a cigarette when they walked out. "Well, have a safe trip, Ennis."
"Thanks, John. See ya."
A couple of miles down the road Ennis glanced at Jack, who was looking at him with an almost-smirk on his face. "What?" Ennis asked.
"Wasn't as hard as you thought it'd be, was it?"
"Whaddya mean?"
"You know what I mean, Ennis. Don't try 'n fool me. I've known you for damn near thirteen years and I've made it a habit of studyin' that face o' yours."
"Hmph." Ennis was silent for some time before he finally glanced at Jack with a half-smile. That was all the answer Jack got to his question.
Ennis parked his truck in front of his house, made sure the door to the house was locked, and they got in Jack's truck and started the drive
A few hours later, they pulled into a truck stop for gas and a bathroom break. Ennis went into the diner to get the thermos refilled and bought a couple of sandwiches to go. When he walked back into the gas station, he noticed Jack at the register paying for gas and a couple of sodas. He also noticed that the girl behind the register, a buxom blonde wearing a lot of makeup, was flirting, not so subtly, with Jack. He frowned. This was another something new. Other than Aguirre, and John this morning, they'd never spent time with other people and before, it was always the fear that Ennis thought of. He hadn't considered that there was another aspect to dealing with other people. He certainly couldn't blame the girl, but it didn't stop him from being a little irritated, too, until he looked at Jack. Jack was being polite, but Ennis could tell he was uncomfortable. This thought eased his irritation. Jack must get this kind of attention all the time, he thought, he's a good-lookin' man. He should be used t'it. Ennis smiled and moved forward.
"Jack, you 'bout ready?"
Jack turned, a look of relief washing across his blushing face. "Yeah, I am," he grabbed the sodas and followed Ennis.
"Bye, Jack. You stop here again on your way through," the girl said, smiling suggestively. Jack didn't even look back, just pushed through the door and muttered under his breath.
Ennis smiled crookedly. "Have a way with the ladies, don'cha, Twist?" Jack didn't reply outright, still muttering under his breath, but Ennis clearly heard the words "unbelievable" and "hussy". Ennis chuckled quietly, which earned an honest smile from Jack.
"Yeah, I guess I do. Too bad fer them, though. I'm already spoken for," he said pertly. He got in the truck and looked at Ennis pointedly, "And I ain't talkin' 'bout my wife."
They were traveling across South Dakota, on I-90. Jack commented frequently on how flat it was. "How can they stand to live here? There's nothin' fer miles and miles. It's so damn flat."
"Well, Jack, I ain't seein' too many towns or houses, so 'pparently there's a lotta folks agree with ya."
They stopped at a diner in Sioux Falls for supper. They walked in and sat at a booth. Jack could feel the tension in Ennis and knew this would be some kind of a test. Their waitress brought them each a glass of water. She was short, a little heavyset, and what Jack thought of as "grandmotherly". The tag on her shirt said 'Lillian'. She smiled warmly at them, "You boys want some coffee?"
"Yes, ma'am," they said in unison.
"Well, here's the menu. Hot roast beef is the special and we got some fresh lemon meringue pie for desert. I'll be back in a minute with your coffee."
Jack watched Ennis's face as he watched Lillian walk away. Finally, Ennis looked away, met Jack's eyes guiltily. Jack leaned in, said softly, "They ain't gonna tar and feather us fer eatin' together, Ennis. Look around. Tell me what ya see."
Ennis looked around. There was a table with a man, woman, and little girl, a booth with three elderly men, and two more booths with just two men in them. He looked back at Jack, dipped his head, conceded the point. Jack just gave him a quick smile as Lillian came back with their coffee. "So, what're you having tonight?"
"I'll have the special, ma'am, the hot roast beef," Ennis replied.
She winked at him, "Good choice, son." She looked at Jack.
"I'll take a hamburger and fries. Oh, I want the burger well-done," Jack said.
"Okay. It'll be a few minutes." Lillian smiled warmly at them again before walking towards the kitchen.
The food, when it came, was surprisingly good and Lillian talked them both into a piece of the lemon meringue pie, so when they left they were pleasantly full and drowsy. Ennis offered to drive; Jack yawned, stretched, and agreed.
Shortly after they started up I-29 Ennis glanced at Jack and was not surprised to find him sleeping. He was slumped down in the seat, legs spread, arms crossed across his chest, his head on the back of the seat, with his mouth slightly open. Ennis smiled, tempted to reach out and put his hand on Jack's leg, just for the comfort of it; however, the smile was quickly replaced by a frown. What am I thinkin'? What the hell'm I doin'? All the doubts came rushing in back in a wave that surprised him with its ferocity and threatened to overwhelm him. How could something that felt so right, at the core, feel so wrong on the outside?
He pulled out a cigarette, sucked hard on it, felt it ease the panic a bit. Jack stirred in his sleep, turning more towards Ennis, his hand falling onto the seat between them. Ennis looked at Jack's hand; wanted to take it in his own. He looked away, took another long drag on the cigarette, watched the road. It was getting dark out now. The sky was a palette of blue, pink, and yellow, while the trees were silhouetted an inky black against it; stars were just starting to appear in the eastern part of the sky. Ennis took another drag on the cigarette and looked at Jack's face. His cheeks were flushed with sleep, his long eyelashes were dark feathers against the pale skin, and a lock of his hair had fallen across his forehead. He looked more the boy of nineteen than a man of thirty-two. Fuck. Ennis took one last drag on the cigarette and tossed it out the window, reached down and took Jack's hand, gently, so he wouldn't wake him. Jack's fingers fit between his, like they were made to go together. He drove on as it got darker outside. The panic eased a bit more.
A couple hours later, Jack stirred, started to stretch, and became aware of Ennis holding his hand. He stopped moving, surprised into wakefulness, but unwilling to open his eyes or move for fear that Ennis would let his hand go. Unfortunately, there was a part of his body that he wasn't able to control and it was definitely awake. He opened his eyes and looked down and could see in the faint light from the dashboard that his jeans were noticeably tighter, looked up at Ennis, who was watching the road. Jack looked around outside. They were in the middle of nowhere, as far as he could tell. He scooted closer to Ennis, put his lips on the side of his neck, and kissed softly.
"Jesus, Jack, what're ya doin'?" Ennis tried to pull his hand away, but Jack held on tight, kissed him again. Kept kissing him, moving his head under Ennis's, kissed him under his adam's apple and smiled when he felt Ennis gulp. "Shit," Ennis whispered. Jack took the captive hand and moved it to his crotch where Ennis couldn't help but feel the hardness.
"I thought we were gonna stop for the night," Jack whispered, still kissing Ennis's neck and moving up towards his face, along his jawline, to his ear. He ran his tongue along the shell of his ear.
"Jaaack," Ennis said, his voice rough, his jeans tight. Jack felt the truck jerk. "You better stop afore we hit the ditch," Ennis scolded, struggling for control as Jack continued kissing, breathing shallowly.
"Cain't, cowboy." Jack's other hand was on his chest now, roving up to his neck, then down to his flat stomach, and then even lower. Ennis gasped when Jack's hand stroked him, once, through the denim and Jack felt the truck swerve again as he stroked Ennis again.
"Fuck, Jack. You're gonna git us killed."
"Then we better pull over for the night, 'cause I cain't help m'self. I wan' ya, cowboy. Need ya."
Ennis groaned, a sound of frustration and his own need. "Okay, alright . . .but ya gotta stop, Jack. Gotta git ourselves under control." He looked at Jack sternly. "Sit up and look for a motel."
Jack planted one final, long-lingering kiss on his neck before obeying. He didn't, however, release Ennis's hand and Ennis didn't try to take it back. A few miles down the road, just outside of Fargo, North Dakota, they saw a little motel by the side of the road, just two other cars parked in front of it. Ennis pulled in, off to the side of the entryway. "You stay here, I'll go get us a room." He got out and straightened his clothes and went in. When he came out, he got back in the truck. "Rooms in the back–we c'n park back there."
The room was small, but surprisingly clean, smelling of pine cleanser. They dropped their bags by the door and, just like their first and only time in a motel together, headed straight for the bed, shedding clothes along the way. What began in the truck was finished quickly, leaving them both gasping for breath as Ennis collapsed on Jack's chest. They lay like that for a few minutes before Ennis rolled onto his side. Jack grasped the corner of the sheet and wiped his stomach off, then snuggled into Ennis's arms, their long legs still tangled together. Sleep took them quickly.
Jack was vaguely aware that sometime during the night Ennis got up to use the bathroom. Towards morning, he did the same, then eased back into bed and curled around Ennis's back. He lay there, drifting between sleep and wake. Ennis turned over onto his back and put his arm around Jack as Jack put his head on Ennis's chest, his arm across his stomach. Ennis drifted to sleep again. Jack continued to drift in that dozy place.
Finally, Jack could see in the crack where the drapes didn't quite meet, that it was beginning to get light out, though it was still very early. I should go take a shower, get us moving, he thought. Instead, he ran his hand over Ennis's stomach, hard and flat after years of hard work, yet silky soft at the same time. He continued to move his hand back and forth, lightly, until he felt a hitch in Ennis's breathing and a long in-drawn breath. Jack moved his hand lower on his abdomen, still moving back and forth, lightly; heard Ennis suck in his breath again, felt his hips buck the merest bit, knew Ennis wasn't even really awake yet.
His hand kept moving. He lifted it slightly and felt, against the back of his hand, the tip of Ennis's cock. At that touch, Ennis's hips bucked again as a low groan escaped from deep within him. Jack's own cock was pressing into Ennis's hip. Jack was suffused with desire and a feeling of power that he'd never felt before. He knew he could turn Ennis on and that Ennis desired him, but they'd always been in such a hurry in the past that they never really had this gentleness, this sweetness before, and he'd never been the one in complete control before. He wasn't in a hurry to do anything more than enjoy this feeling.
Ennis didn't even open his eyes, just reached for Jack and pulled him on top of him. They moved together, silent, except for their heavy breathing and soft, low moans. Legs and arms entwined, skin on skin, connected in a way they never had before. Ennis's tongue probed his mouth, licked his lips, and they kissed like they couldn't get deep enough or close enough. And suddenly Jack was over the edge, filled with a pleasure so deep he thought he'd be happy if'n he died right now and went straight up to Heaven–or maybe he had and this was Heaven. Ennis's name was upon his lips as he slipped over and he could hear Ennis repeating his name, like a soft mantra and he knew that Ennis was over the edge too.
