Chapter 2
"This is a bad habit we're gettin' into, Jack," Ennis said, his face buried in Jack's hair.
"Wha'd'ya mean?" Jack craned his neck to look up at him.
Ennis tightened his arm around Jack's back, gave a little nudge. "Layin' in bed half the damn day."
"Ennis, it's a little after seven. I wouldn' exactly call that 'half the damn day'," he paused, "'Sides, I din' hear you complainin' a little while ago."
"Hmm . . .yer right about that," Ennis drawled. He curled towards Jack and settled in for a few moments. Jack was just considering whether or not to drift off to sleep again, when Ennis sighed. "I do wanna get goin', bud. Wanna get there t'see that lawyer today, so we don't have t'wait 'til tomorrow."
"Did ya tell him when you was gonna be there?"
"I said I hoped t'be there by t'day–early afternoon."
"All right then, let's get goin'," Jack echoed Ennis's sigh. Being in bed, a real bed, with Ennis was quickly becoming his favorite place in the whole world. Sure, they'd had plenty of nights they'd slept together, but it was always in a tent, usually in the cold, and always there was a sense of urgency. Them in a bed, warm and wrapped up together in comfort, was new territory and Jack found that he liked it an awful lot.
"We should save time and jus' take a shower together," Jack suggested, trying to look innocent, but not really succeeding.
Ennis gave him a look that said he thought Jack'd just lost his mind, "Jack, if'n we took a shower together d'you really think it'd save time?"
Jack grinned mischievously at him, "No, I guess not. But when we have more time, we're definitely takin' a shower together." He kissed Ennis hard.
"'Zat a promise?" Ennis smirked, kissing back.
"Yessir, it is." Jack's eyes twinkled at him.
They showered quickly, separately, and walked out of the motel room a little after eight. When Jack stepped out the door, he stopped so fast Ennis almost ran into him. "Goddamn! It's cold out here. Was it this cold last night?"
"Yeah, it was Jack," Ennis nudged him. "You were so hot on the inside you must not o' noticed," he said, then seemed to realize what he'd said and looked around, afraid someone may have heard him. He relaxed a little when he saw they were alone.
Jack took notice, but didn't comment. He just put their bags in the back of the truck and announced he would drive.
They stopped a little later at another truck stop to fill the thermos and have some breakfast. Ennis seemed a little more relaxed about them being out together, but Jack did catch him looking around to see who else was in the diner. This was a truck stop on a busy route, mostly filled with truckers, which they could've passed for. Jack wanted to point this out, but held his tongue. When he let himself dwell on it, he was still struggling to figure out where this was all going. He didn't know what Ennis had planned or where he fit into that plan. He didn't think Ennis knew himself, so he didn't bring it up. Time for that later.
It took a couple of hours to reach Grand Forks, where they turned onto US highway 2 into Minnesota. "Land of 10,000 Lakes," Jack read from the sign as they passed it. He was quiet for a moment before turning to Ennis, "You think that's true? Think they got 10,000 lakes here? Seems like a lot."
Ennis raised his eyebrows, looked amused, "Well, I don' know, bud. Whyn't you ask someone next time we stop?"
Jack pushed his shoulder with one hand, "Fuck you," he said, but Ennis could see a smile lurking around his mouth.
They drove in silence for some time–Ennis deep in thought and Jack looking around, taking things in.
"Ya know, I see a lotta swamps. Ya think they count swamps as lakes?"
"Huh?" was Ennis's only reply.
"Ennis, where ya at, cowboy?"
"Jus' thinkin'" He sighed from somewhere deep inside. "I don't know what t'do, Jack. I mean, this lawyer, Gordon, he didn' say much, but it sounded like I could take over the farm. Or sell it. He didn' seem too keen on that idea, though. Sounds like he wants me t'keep it." Jack glanced at him, saw Ennis's brow furrow. "Thing is, Jack, I don' wanna be that far from my girls." He stared out the window again, "But I know Wyoming prob'ly ain't safe fer me no more. Hell, I don't know that anyplace is safe fer me anymore," he said softly. "'Specially not when I got things to work out between us." He looked at Jack finally, his eyes cloudy and unreadable. "Maybe I oughta keep it. At least fer awhile–see how it goes . . . I don't know . . ." he trailed off uncertainly.
Jack was quiet, sensing that Ennis needed to talk, to get this out, even if nothing could be resolved just now.
"Jack, truth is . . . I . . . I'm scared." His voice was rough. "I don' want ta go through another thirteen years like we done. I been miserable my whole fuckin' life . . . 'cept when I'm with you, darlin'," he finished softly. He took out a cigarette, lit it, took a long drag, said stronger, "I ain't feelin' sorry fer m'self and I ain't blamin' no one. My lot in life–ain't no ones fault, it's jus' the way it is." He sighed and took another long drag on the cigarette, passed it to Jack for a drag. "I tol' ya once that if ya can't fix it, ya gotta stand it. I was wrong, Jack. I was wrong, an' I'm sorry. I know now that it shoulda been the other way 'round. If ya can't stand somethin' ya gotta fix it. I reckon I'm gettin' some kinda chance ta fix things. I don' wanna fuck it up, Jack." He rubbed his eyes with his palms and finally looked over to meet Jack's eyes again.
Jack tossed the cigarette out the window and pulled over on a deserted side road. Ennis just looked at him with a question in his eyes. When the truck stopped, Jack turned to Ennis and reached out for him. Ennis went instinctively into Jack's arms, his face in Jack's neck. "I'm scared, too, Ennis." He pulled back a little, put his hands on the sides of Ennis's face and drew him close for a soft kiss. "I'm scared, but I got somethin' in my heart I ain't had fer a long time. Too long. I got hope . . . hope fer us, Ennis, and I ain't lettin' that go jus' yet." He kissed him again, longer this time. "I love you, Ennis. I know we ain't never said that afore and you don't gotta say it back if you can't, but I want ya ta know how I feel."
Ennis dropped his eyes, felt tears forming in them, felt like his tongue was tied in a damn knot, unable to speak. He cleared his throat, looked up and met Jack's lips with his own in a desperate kiss that went on and on. Ennis felt himself fall apart, breaking into a million tiny pieces, only to be put back together almost immediately. In this rebuilding, he felt a change in himself, an acceptance of the part of himself that he had always pushed down and beaten away in a desperate attempt not to face it. When he broke the kiss, he pulled back only far enough to rest his head against Jack's. "Darlin'. . ."
Jack
drew further back, met Ennis's eyes, moved forward to kiss him
again. A soft kiss. He drew back, eyes met again, then another kiss.
Jack drew back one more time, his eyes only making it open half-way,
darkened with desire, longing, and hope. He dove back in, kissing
Ennis like he meant it, as if to say, You're mine and I'm
yours and there's nothing you or me or anyone else can do to change
that, so we better get used to it. A kiss that involved tongues
and the sweet, familiar taste of each other. A kiss that had them
breathing hard, but without the urgent need for sex. It was a
connection, a lifeline for each of them, and somewhere deep within,
not fully expressed or understood, they knew this and they took it.
From this moment on, there would be no turning back, not without
consequences that neither man felt he could bear. The kiss ended with
more of the soft, short kisses, and then Ennis pressed his cheek to
Jack's, his mouth close to his ear, and said so softly Jack wasn't
sure if he really heard it at all, "I love you, too."
Silence stretched between them for several miles.
"How c'n ya tell there's a lotta swamps out there?" Ennis asked suddenly.
"What?"
Ennis nodded his head out the window. "Swamps. Out there. How c'n ya tell? You said ya see a lotta swamps, but everythin's covered with snow."
Jack laughed and shook his head. "I thought ya didn't hear me. I don't know if they're swamps, but it looks like it t'me 'cause there's open spots in the trees and they're full a scrub brush and old cat tails."
"Yeah," Ennis nodded in agreement. "I've seen some lakes, too, though," he added, almost defensively.
Jack heard this and laughed again, "Yeah, me too, Ennis."
They drove through Bemidji around noon. Ennis knew they were close, only an hour or two more, and was anxious to keep going, so instead of their usual truck stop, they went through a drive through for a couple of burgers and some fries.
They were going through a small town that looked poor and run-down. The houses were shabby, the paint peeling, some windows broken or boarded up. There were old cars and garbage in the yards of most of them.
"Lookit that," Jack said, pointing to a group of dogs that were apparently roaming free around the town.
"This is a sad place, Jack." Ennis observed.
"Yeah," Jack nodded and then they were out of town and traveling between the pine trees.
It was two o'clock when they pulled into Goosedown. Ennis gave Jack the directions and they stopped in front of a small office building. A sign above the door read, 'Gordon Albrecht, Attorney-at-Law'. Ennis lit a cigarette and made no move to open the door and so Jack waited too. They smoked in silence. Finally, Ennis said, "I want ya ta come in with me. Whatever he's gotta say t' me, I want you t' hear it." He opened the door, got out, ground out his cigarette, and started for the door. Jack followed him. The office was not very big. A woman, who was seated at a desk just inside the door, looked up as they entered. She had dark, curly hair and looked to be in her late forties.
"Can I help you?"
"Yes, ma'am. I'm Ennis Del Mar. I'm here to see Mr. Albrecht," Ennis said, pronouncing the last name all-brekt.
She smiled at him. "It's all-bright. The 'ch' is silent."
"Oh, sorry," Ennis replied, dipping his head down, before realizing he hadn't removed his hat, which he promptly did.
"That's okay. Happens all the time," she said, waving her hand at him. "I'll let him know you're here. You boys can take a seat, if you want." She rose and went to the closed door, opened it and stepped inside. Ennis and Jack just stood there, choosing to stand instead of sit. The woman returned from the room almost immediately. "You can go right in, Mr. Del Mar."
Ennis started towards the door, followed by Jack. As he entered the room, Mr. Albrecht stood and came around the desk, his hand out for Ennis to shake it. Gordon Albrecht was short and round, with a kind face and his eyes sparkled when he smiled. The top of his head was bald, but there was a fringe of salt and pepper hair around the back. If he had a pointy red hat he'd look just like one o' those gnomes in Jenny's picture book, Ennis thought.
"Mr. Del Mar. It's so nice to finally meet you," Mr. Albrecht said, shaking his hand.
"It's Ennis."
"Of course. And call me Gordon," he said, then looked at Jack.
"This 'ere's my friend Jack. Jack Twist."
Gordon held his hand out to shake Jack's. Jack took it and gave Gordon one of his smiles, "Pleased t' meet ya, sir."
"Perhaps Mr. Twist could wait in the lobby while we talk?"
"It's Jack , and no, whatever ya gotta say, I want Jack t'hear it too," Ennis replied, shaking his head.
Gordon's smile slipped minutely and then he nodded, "Certainly, certainly. Well, have a seat gentlemen." He went back around the desk, took his own seat, and shuffled some folders around before opening one. He looked up at Ennis. "Maybe I should start by asking how well you knew your uncle, Ennis?"
"Mmm . . . well, not real well, I guess. He lef' when I was only about seven or eight and I never saw him again. I remember he was real kind t'me. Took me fer ice cream a few times, jus' me, not my brother 'n sister. He seemed sad. I don' know what happened t'him after he left. Never heard from 'im again."
Gordon had been nodding during this time. "Well, Ennis, he moved here in about 1952. He had a couple of horses and bought an old farm for next to nothing. He started out working in the iron mines, but at the same time, he was building up his farm. Eventually, he was able to quit the mine and focus on the farm. Your uncle built quite a reputation for breeding Quarter Horses and miniature horses. These past few years he's made a good living, got a good reputation. He was well-known around here and pretty much everyone liked him." Gordon looked down at the folder, lifted a piece of paper. "This is his will. He left the farm and everything on it to you. He wasn't married, never found the right woman, I guess."
"Was he a friend to you?" Ennis asked.
"Yes, he was."
"Well, how did . . . you never said how he died. What happened?"
"I didn't?" Gordon looked surprised.
"No, sir."
"I"m sorry, Ennis. He was in an accident. He was pulled over on the side of the road to fix a flat tire and a logging truck came around the corner, the driver wasn't paying attention, and hit the truck and James. It was a terrible thing." Gordon shook his head sadly. "There's paperwork, of course, but I'm sure you're tired after your drive. Would you like me to take you out to the farm, show you around? We can take care of the paperwork later."
Ennis nodded. "Sure."
"James had a couple of farm hands working for him. I just kept them on to take care of things while I contacted you. He had a housekeeper, too, and I did the same–let her stay on to take care of things, so you shouldn't need anything. I'm sure she did all the shopping and will be there to help with the cooking and stuff."
"Do they all live at the farm?" Ennis asked, a little afraid of the answer. He really didn't expect his uncle to have been doing so well. His own parents lived in poverty their whole lives and left the same legacy for their children.
Gordon smiled, "No, they don't live there. Why don't you follow me in your vehicle?"
"Sure 'nough." Ennis replied.
They trailed behind Gordon. He stopped in the outer office. "Hey, Janet, I'm going to take Ennis and Jack out to the farm. I'll be back later this afternoon. If I'm not back by the time you leave, just lock up."
"Okay. Nice to meet you Ennis and . . ." she looked at Jack and Ennis could tell that she was falling under his spell, even though he hadn't even spoken a word to her.
"Jack Twist, ma'am," he said, giving her a bright smile.
"Jack," she repeated.
They went out to the truck, Ennis shaking his head.
"What's your problem?" Jack asked.
"Nothin'." In the truck, he couldn't help it, he had to ask, "Do ya always have that fuckin' affect on women?"
"What the hell're you talkin' about?"
Ennis looked at him, incredulously. "You're kidding?"
"What the fuck are you talkin' about, Ennis?" Jack was starting to get irritated.
Ennis just laughed. "Never mind, bud."
Jack let it go, for now, so he could concentrate on following Gordon's black Buick. They traveled out of town about ten miles before turning onto a dirt road. They went another couple of miles and started to slow down. Ennis noticed a sign next to the driveway Gordon was turning into. "Look at that, Jack," he said, his tone low and filled with awe. The sign wasn't fancy, but it had 'Del Mar Farm' in big block letters carved into it, painted black against white. There was an outline of a horse in each bottom corner. "My name on somethin'. Somethin' real."
They followed Gordon's car down the long driveway and parked beside him in front of the garage, which had three stalls, Jack noticed.
The house, next to the garage, was made of logs, in a cabin style, but bigger than any cabin Ennis had ever seen. Gordon got out of his car and was standing between the house and garage. They joined him and followed him back. There was a large barn to the right, with a small paddock behind it and a large hay barn beyond it. There was another smaller barn and some storage buildings to the right. In the distance, Ennis could see a fenced pasture. He felt a little lightheaded, taking this all in. Everything was neat and tidy and he could tell it was well-taken care of. They went into the large barn and Ennis was hit with the familiar scent of a farm–stronger in here than outside. The building was lined with stalls for the horses and most were occupied.
One of the horses was out and someone was standing next to her, brushing her coat, back to them. The hair was black and shiny and braided in a single neat braid down the back. The person turned when Gordon called out, "Tyler, how are you?" Tyler turned around and Jack and Ennis saw that his smooth skin was dark and coppery, his eyes dark, and he looked young, in his early twenties, maybe.
Tyler smiled a small smile, "Gordon, hello." His smile disappeared when he looked at Ennis; it looked like he'd seen a ghost.
Gordon didn't notice. He indicated Ennis, "Tyler, this is Ennis Del Mar. James' nephew that I told you about. And this is his friend, Jack Twist."
Tyler held his hand out to shake Ennis's, "Hello." He shook Jack's hand next, nodding hello.
"Tyler is one of the farm hands here. He's been here, what, four or five years, Tyler?"
"Six years," Tyler said softly.
"Is Jim around?"
"No, sir, he went into town for some more feed."
Gordon looked back to Ennis and Jack, "Jim is the other farm hand. I guess you can meet him later. Should we go in the house or would you like to look around some more?"
Ennis thought he'd like to look around by himself (with Jack), later, so he said, "Sure, why don't you show me the house?"
"Okay. See you later, Tyler."
"Yes, sir." Tyler nodded at them and turned back to the horse.
Ennis and Jack followed Gordon back to the house. There was a set of wide wooden steps that lead up to the door. Inside was a large entryway with hooks for coats, benches, and storage cabinets. Wide windowed doors led into the kitchen and dining area. It was open and spacious, with a small table in the kitchen area and a large table in the dining area. Gordon indicated a door and told them it lead to the basement where the laundry area and sauna were. Beyond the kitchen was the living room area. There was a large window that faced into a field and a forest. On the inside wall was a stone fireplace. There were steps leading to the second floor, which was a loft style. It was open above the living room, but the rooms upstairs were closed off.
Gordon pointed to two doors on the far wall of the living room and one next to the fireplace, "Those are bedrooms and there's a bathroom." He lead them upstairs. At the top of the stairs, to the left, was the master bedroom, which took up the whole south side of the loft. It had a private bathroom. Next to it, facing the barns, was an office. It had a window that looked out on the barns and pastures. A bathroom was on the other side of the office and two smaller bedrooms were at the north end of the loft.
They heard the door open and close downstairs. "Oh, that might be Kelly." Gordon said, leading them back downstairs. In the kitchen was a young woman. She was slender, with long dark, straight hair and pale skin. "Hi, Kelly. I was just showing Ennis and Jack around. Boys, this is Kelly Bolduc. She was James' housekeeper. Kelly, this is Ennis Del Mar, James' nephew, and Ennis's friend Jack Twist."
Kelly smiled, which made her even more beautiful than she already was, Jack noticed, "Hi. Wow. Ennis, you look just like your uncle. You could be his son."
Ennis dipped his head, unsure of what to reply, so he just said, "Pleased to meet you, ma'am."
"Nice to meet you, too, Jack." She looked at Jack.
He smiled at her, "You too."
"Well, I'm sure you boys are tired. Maybe I'll just leave and let you get some rest, have something to eat," he smiled at Kelly, "I think I smell supper cooking." She nodded. "If you could come into my office day after tomorrow, say 2:00, Ennis, and we can talk about what you want to do? Would that give you enough time to look around, do some thinking?"
Ennis nodded.
"Well, here's my number, just in case you want to come in sooner or you need more time. Just let me know." He started towards the door, then turned back to Ennis, his hand on the knob. "It was nice to meet you, finally. You're a lot like your uncle. Nice to meet you too, Jack."
After he left, Kelly told them she had a shepherds pie in the oven and asked if they would like to sit at the big table or the small one in the kitchen.
"The small table is fine, ma'am," Ennis said.
Kelly laughed softly, "You don't need to call me 'ma'am', Mr. Del Mar. It makes me feel old."
He twinkled his eyes at her, liking her already. "Okay, I won't call you ma'am no more if'n you call me Ennis."
She nodded, "Okay, it's a deal. Now, what would you and Mr. Twist like to drink?"
"Oh, no," Jack said. "No 'Mr. Twist'. It's Jack. And I'd love a beer, if ya got one."
"Me, too." Ennis said.
She went to the fridge and got them each a beer. "If you want to look around for a few minutes, I'll just set the table and get supper out for you."
There was a door leading out of the dining area onto a large back porch that held outdoor furniture and a grill. Jack and Ennis each sat in a chair, lit a cigarette, and sipped their beer. "I don' know what ta say, Jack." Ennis finally said. "This seems like a dream. Like any minute I'll wake up and find that I've been asleep an' none o' this is real."
"It does seem too good t'be true, doesn't it?" Jack said. "But it's here and it's yours. If'n ya decide ta keep it," he added.
"If I decide t'keep it, it's ours," Ennis said softly.
Jack didn't look at him, just kept gazing out towards the barn and pastures. Finally, Ennis heard a sniff, and when he looked at Jack he could see the tears running down his face. Ennis left his chair and knelt beside Jack's. He took his free hand in his. "Jack. You been askin' me fer years fer that sweet life. I was so afraid. Too afraid t' do it." He sniffed, felt the tears in his own eyes. "And then, here it is. Dropped in my lap. I'd hafta be some kind of an asshole or the world's biggest fuckin' idiot not t'know that this is my chance. But it don't mean nothin' without you, darlin'. Nothin', ya hear me?" He sniffed again. Jack still hadn't said anything or even looked at him. "But it's up t'you, Jack, if ya wanna be a part of it with me. I'll understand if ya changed yer mind." He looked down at their clasped hands, afraid that this might be true.
Jack finally looked at him, turning his head slowly. Ennis looked up to meet his eyes. "I ain't changed m'mind, Ennis. I never would. I'm yours, you know that. Have been since the minute I saw you standin' in front of Aguirre's trailer." He stood up, pulling Ennis with him, and pulled him into a tight hug, which Ennis returned without even flinching. They stood like that until Jack whispered into his ear, "I wonder when everyone around here goes home, 'cause I can't wait t'get ya into one o' these beds."
Ennis laughed, a low, sexy laugh, "It's gotta be soon. I hope."
