Chapter Four
Jack and Ennis arrived back at the farm just as Kelly was going to her car to leave. She waited and graced them with a big smile.
"Well, that's a good sign that she's not repulsed by us," Jack said.
"Prob'ly jus' means she's not repulsed by me. I'm sure she's prob'ly completely repulsed by you," Ennis observed dryly, with the hint of a smile, and got out of the truck before Jack could even reply.
"Hi, guys. I left supper in the oven for you again."
"You're spoiling us," Jack grinned at her.
"I'm glad you're still here," Ennis said. "Are Jim and Tyler around?"
"No, they've both left already."
"Oh, well, tha's too bad. I wanted t'talk t'y'all an' let ya know what's goin' t'happen. Guess I'll tell you and you can pass it along, if'n ya don't mind?"
"No, of course not."
"I've decided t'keep the farm. Uncle James lef' it t'me. I guess you prob'ly knew that. The thing is, though, I had Gordon put it my name and Jack's. We'll run it as partners, an', well, umm . . ." Ennis couldn't get his mouth to work right. He took a deep breath. He had to say it. He had to be honest. He had to be who he was. Didn't make it any easier, though.
Jack came to his rescue, understanding how difficult this was for Ennis, "Thing is, Kelly, me 'n Ennis, we've been together a long time, even though we've never lived together, and now we're gonna be livin' together and runnin' the farm together. Partners. D'ya know what I'm sayin'?" He looked at her expectantly.
Kelly smiled at him, blushing the tiniest bit and looking down at the ground before looking back at him, "I kinda figured it out already."
"We were hopin' you'd wanna stay on here an' keep workin' fer us. It might be more work than workin' fer Uncle James, bein's there's two o' us and we're prob'ly a lot messier than him," Ennis finally spoke.
"Of course I will. I was hoping you'd want me to stay."
"In spite of, well, o' what ya know?" Jack asked.
She met his eyes, "Yes."
"The same goes fer Jim and Tyler. We're hopin' they'll stay on. Least ways, 'til we get back. We both gotta leave fer a while. I gotta go back t'Wyoming and Jack's headin' back t'Texas fer a while, t'get our stuff and take care o' things with our families. We're leavin' in the mornin', prob'ly afore ya get here."
"Do you know how long you'll be gone?"
Ennis spoke first, "I think I'll prob'ly be gone fer about a week."
"I'm not sure," Jack said, "not more'n a coupla weeks, I hope."
"Well, I hope you both have a safe trip. See you when you get back," Kelly said as she got into her car.
It was late. Ennis should be asleep. He'd had a good meal, had cleaned up, repacked his bag, checked out the truck (which was a newer model than he'd ever even dreamed of owning), and he and Jack had energetically frolicked between the sheets. Jack had gone easily to sleep afterwards, but Ennis couldn't get his mind to shut down. What'm I gonna say t'the girls? And t'Alma? What if she don' wanna let me see 'em no more? She cain't do that, can she?
He was laying on his back, with Jack curled up beside him, or, in actuality, half on him. Ennis ran his hand gently up and down Jack's forearm, which rested on his chest, and nuzzled into his silky hair, finding some comfort in the familiar smell that was uniquely Jack. He felt Jack begin to stir, so he tightened his arm around his back and Jack snuggled closer, then settled down again.
Ennis felt a rush of love fill his heart. He lost himself in it for a moment and then his mind started working again. What if somethin' happens t'Jack? What if Lureen gives 'im a hard time–fights him on ever'thin'? What if he changes his mind and don' wanna come back? Even as that last thought started its way through, he dismissed it. How could he think Jack would change his mind? This man, who was curled around him and draped over him, even in his sleep? This man, who'd been asking him for them to be together for years? This man, who had always been braver than he ever was? No, he wasn't worried about Jack changing his mind and was ashamed for even having thought it. The thought of Jack coming back to him, for good, finally comforted him enough for him to relax and go to sleep.
Ennis was dreaming. He and Jack were laying on a soft blanket in a field of sweet, summer grass and wildflowers and they were kissing. Sweet kisses that lasted for hours or days. He stirred. He wasn't completely dreaming. Jack was kissing him. Jack was still half on him, but propped on his elbow, kissing him softly on his lips, his cheek, under his jaw, back by his ear, where his tongue flicked out to trace around the shell of his ear and nibble lightly on his lobe before moving back down to his neck. Ennis dipped his head to meet Jack's lips. Jack kissed him, then pulled back and ran his tongue around the edge of Ennis's top lip and then did the same to his bottom lip and into his mouth, probing gently, before meeting Ennis's tongue.
Jack pulled away again and moved lower. His lips and his tongue traced a path down Ennis's neck, to his collarbone, down to a nipple and over to the other one. His hand traced a light path down Ennis's side as he looked up and met his mouth again. Jack's hand moved down to caress Ennis's silky hardness, moving his hand up and down its length and running his thumb over the tip. He continued until Ennis groaned and pulled Jack fully on him, spreading his legs to let Jack know what he wanted. Jack lifted his head, a question in his eyes. Ennis pulled him close again, his tongue now exploring the inside of Jack's mouth. They moved together sinuously until Jack pulled back and reached for the tube they'd hidden in a drawer in the nightstand. He smoothed some over himself and then he was inside Ennis and they were moving together, rough and tender at the same time. Jack held himself up, slowed down, and looked at Ennis's face. Their eyes met and held. He loved Ennis like this. He knew that at this particular moment, when their connection transcended sex, Ennis was his.
Jack and Ennis were standing in the garage in the predawn light of the day, their arms wrapped around each other, exchanging kisses, and finding it nearly impossible to say good-bye.
"Will you call here, in a week or so–let me know how things're goin'?" Ennis asked.
"Yeah, I will. I'll leave a message with Kelly if'n ya ain't here yet."
"Alright." Ennis kissed him again, "I don' know why it's so hard t'say goodbye this time. We're gonna see each other in a few weeks, at the most. Ain't like afore when it was months in between."
Jack kissed him. "It's 'cause we cain't wait t'start our new life t'gether. I wish we didn't even halfta leave, bud."
"I know, darlin', me too." More kissing. "We better get goin', though, or ever'one'll get here and find us makin' out in the garage 'stead o' bein' on the road, like we're supposed ta be." He smiled the lopsided smile that Jack loved so much.
Jack sighed, reached out for one last, long, lingering kiss. "You be careful, baby. I don' know if'n I could take it if somethin' happened t'ya."
Ennis, seeing the tire irons behind his eyes, told him, "I will. You be careful, too. I need ya here with me. I'm nothin' without you, Jack."
Jack snorted, "That ain't true. You're so much more'n ya think ya are, Ennis. But I know what you're sayin', an' I feel the same way. Ya make me stronger and braver than I am."
Ennis sniffed, held his tears in check by sheer force of will, touched his forehead to Jack's, and stepped back. "I halfta leave now or I ain't gonna."
Jack, still holding Ennis's hand, pulled him back for one more kiss, then, "Okay. See ya soon, bud."
Ennis just nodded and got in the truck. He backed out and Jack closed the garage door, got in his own truck, and headed down the driveway.
Two days later, Ennis pulled up in front of his house outside Riverton, looking at it with new eyes. Damn, that place is really a dump, he thought even as he went in and crawled into the bed, not even bothering taking his jeans or shirt off. He was exhausted from driving and thinking.
In the morning, he packed his belongings, little as they were. It didn't take long. Ennis decided to take care of the easiest task first, so when he'd packed everything and put his things from the house by the door, to be taken out later and the same with the things from the stable, he drove out to his boss's ranch. He knocked on the door and entered when John yelled, "Come in." He found John in the kitchen, just finishing lunch, lingering over a cup of coffee.
"Hey, John."
"Ennis. Hi, sit down. Want some coffee? How was yer trip?" He got up and got Ennis a cup and poured him some coffee.
"It was real good. Thanks. That's why I'm here."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah. I . . . umm, well, I'm leavin' Wyoming, John. My uncle, my dad's brother, he lef' me a farm in Minnesota. Raising horses. Does real good, I guess. I'm gonna take it over."
"That's real good, Ennis," John smiled at him.
"I was wonderin', you wanna buy my old truck and the horses? I can't take 'em with me and I gotta get back soon. Or ya know someone else who might wanna buy 'em?"
John took a sip of coffee, looked thoughtful for a few seconds. "How much ya want fer 'em?"
"Not much. I really just wanna find a place fer 'em. Well, a good place fer the horses. An' I know you'll take real good care of 'em, John."
Ennis was relieved when John agreed. They set a price and John said he'd be out later that day to pick the truck up.
Ennis went into Riverton next. He parked in front of Alma's apartment. Their old apartment over the laundry. He lit a cigarette and smoked it. He had no idea what he was going to say to her, but he couldn't put it off forever, especially since he wanted to be done talking to her before the girls got home from school.
He stubbed out the cigarette by the side of the truck, went up the stairs, and knocked. She came to the door and let him in.
"Hi, Alma. How're you doin'?"
"Fine. You?" There was no warmth in her tone.
"I'm pretty good." He hesitated, still standing by the door. "Ya think I could come in an' talk fer a minute?"
"Sure. Come on." She went to the table and sat in one of the chairs and Ennis followed.
"Alma. I got some news." She just looked at him. He could see the hurt, still settled in her hazel eyes. "I don' know if we ever talked 'bout it, but my daddy had an older brother, James. He moved t' Minnesota when I was a kid an' he set himself up a horse farm. Did pretty good at it–raisin' an' sellin' horses." He finally saw some interest spark in her eyes. "He was in a car accident a few weeks back. He died an' he, well, he lef' it t'me. I drove out there las' week t'see it an' I decided t'take it over."
"Wha'd'ya mean, Ennis?"
"I'm movin' t'Minnesota. In a coupla days."
Her eyes grew wider. "What about the girls?"
"I still wanna see 'em, Alma. Ya know I love 'em." He was pleased to see her slight nod, as if acknowledging his love for them. "I don' guess I'll be able t'see 'em every other month, like I'm suppose' ta."
"You didn't always see 'em that often, anyway," Alma said. Ennis could detect the hint of bitterness laced through her words.
"I know, an' I'm ashamed o' that, Alma. But it don' mean I don' love 'em, ya know?" She nodded grudgingly. "I was thinkin' that every Christmas they could come out fer a few days, during their school break, and once or twice during the summer. I'll come an' get 'em, or maybe they c'n take a bus or fly out."
"I don' know, Ennis."
"Alma, they're my daughters and I have a right t'see 'em. They have a right t'see me, too."
Alma looked out the window and thought of the girls. He was right. They loved him. He was their father, no matter what his faults (and there were many). She loved her girls, too. She knew it wouldn't be right to keep them from Ennis. She knew he'd take care of them–he'd always been a good dad, even if he wasn't always around.
Ennis watched the play of emotions on her face, but wasn't sure what was going through her mind. Even after twelve years of marriage, he still didn't quite know how to read her.
Finally, she sighed a deep sigh. "Alright, Ennis. We'll work it out so ya c'n see 'em."
He smiled, relieved for the moment. She started to get up. "Wait, I got more t'tell ya," he said, holding his hand up. She sat back down.
This time it was Ennis who sighed a deep sigh. "D'ya remember my friend, Jack Twist?"
The blood drained from Alma's face. She nodded.
Ennis looked at his hands, resting on the table, fingers interlaced, then looked back up to Alma. "Jack's gonna run the farm with me. We're gonna be partners."
"Partners?" she spat the word out, as if it were a curse. Ennis looked at her sharply. "Is that what ya call it?"
Suddenly Ennis understood. She knew. She knew and she'd known for a while now. How long? How long had she known? How could she know? "Alma." He sighed, straightened his shoulders and met her eyes again. "Yes, partners. I c'n see ya know what that means."
"D'ya love him?" she whispered, afraid of the answer.
He didn't answer right away, even though he knew the answer. He didn't want to hurt her anymore. She still held a special piece of his heart, even if she'd never believe that. "Yeah, I do."
"How long have ya been in love with 'im?"
"Since '63. Since Brokeback. That's where I met 'im. We herded the sheep together."
She gasped and a tiny sob escaped her lips. "That's . . . that's afore we was married, Ennis!"
"I know, darlin'." He reached for her hands, wanted to give her some comfort.
"Don' call me that! An' don' touch me." She drew her arms around herself, as if she was cold. She drew a shuddering breath, leaned back against the chair, and finally met his eyes. "Didja ever love me, Ennis?"
"Alma . . . yeah . . . yes. I did."
"But ya loved him more."
He shook his head. "It ain't that simple, Alma. With Jack, I feel like I'm a real person. It took me a long time ta realize who I am."
"Queer, ya mean?" she shot at him.
"I guess, if'n ya wanna call it that." He put his head down. He'd denied it for so long, it was a hard thing to admit.
"Jack Twist," she spat out. "I knew it. I knew it from that first time I met him. I saw you two, out by the steps. Kissin' him like ya never kissed me," she finished softly, regretfully.
He knew now how long she'd known. "Alma, I'm sorry, darlin'. I never meant t'hurt ya."
"Goddammit, Ennis! Why'd ya marry me, then?" Years of frustration, built up, boiling over; tears spilled down her cheeks.
"I didn't think I'd see 'im again. Then he sent the card. I couldn't stop seein' 'im after that."
They were silent for some time. Alma wiped her face, sniffed quietly a few times. Finally she said, "Well, I guess it's good that you're not stayin' 'round here then. It'll be easier on us–won't halfta do no explainin'. Easier on the girls." She looked at him and added softly. "It'll be easier on you, too, I think."
"You still gonna let me see the girls?"
She sighed again. "Ennis, you're still the same person you were half an hour ago. An' truth be told, I already knew 'bout you an' Jack. You admittin' to it don't change nothin'. I'm gonna warn ya though. If'n anythin' goes wrong or the girls don' wanna go see ya no more, I ain't gonna make 'em."
Ennis nodded. "I'd like ta see 'em today, after school, talk to 'em, say goodbye. I'm plannin' on leavin' in the mornin'."
"Ya gonna tell 'em about you an' Jack?"
He hesitated. "I don't think so. Not yet. They're still so young an' I won't be here after t'day t'help 'em deal with it. I'll tell 'em when they come out fer a visit this summer."
"Okay."
"I'd like t'pick them up from school, take 'em out fer dinner. Is that okay?"
"Sure, Ennis."
They both stood, the silence suddenly awkward between them. Ennis started for the door and Alma followed. He turned around at the door and drew her into a hug. She was startled, started to back away, and then he was surprised to feel her arms go around his back. He held her tighter, then released her and walked out without another word.
Ennis went to the school, parked in front, and got out to wait in front of the truck. He smoked a cigarette while he waited for the release bell. It rang and children poured from the doors. Francine spotted him first. "Daddy!" she cried, running right into his arms. He picked her up and swung her around once.
"Hey, little darlin'."
She hugged him tight, "I missed you!"
"I missed you too. Where's your sister? Oh, here she comes." Junior gave him a smile and a hug. Ennis realized she was growing into a young lady.
"What're you doin' here, Daddy?" She smiled at him, happy for this unexpected visit.
"I came t'see you girls, take ya out ta supper." He walked to the passenger side of the truck and opened it. Junior and Francine's eyes got big.
"Is this your truck, Daddy?" Junior asked.
"Yep."
"How'd ya get it?"
"Well, that's somethin' we gotta talk about." They went to a local diner and he listened to the girls chatter about school and their friends. They each ordered a piece of pie for desert and when they finished, Ennis told them about the farm.
"So, you're movin' away?" Junior asked.
"Yeah, darlin', I am."
"Are we gonna see ya again, Daddy?" Francine asked, tears in her eyes.
He pulled her close, "Of course ya are, swee'heart. Your mom an' I already talked and you're gonna come visit during Christmas vacation and during the summertime. An' I'll call ya and you c'n call me whenever ya want. I'll write the number down fer ya both. An' ya c'n write t'me, too, if'n ya want."
Junior wiped her eyes. "I'm gonna miss ya, Daddy."
"Me too." Francine piped in.
"Girls, I'm gonna miss ya both more'n anythin'."
He drove them home and held them each in his arms for a long time before letting go.
Ennis went back to his shack, packed the truck, and tried to sleep. After a couple of hours of restless tossing and turning, he decided to get up and leave. The earlier he left, the earlier he'd get back to the farm. Funny how he was already starting to think of it as 'home'.
