Chapter Eleven
July 15, 1976, was a day Ennis would remember. It started like an ordinary day. An ordinary day in his new life, that is. He woke in the early morning hours with Jack's arm and leg draped over him. He slipped out of bed, dressed, and met Tyler downstairs for a quick cup of coffee before they went out to feed the horses. Later, he met Jack in the garage for a good-bye kiss just before Jack left for his last day of the accounting class.
After lunch, he was standing next to the paddock watching Dwayne and Dayle exercise a couple of the horses that they were going to be showing to a buyer the next day when Gordon pulled up in the driveway. He met him at the house.
"Hey, Gordon, what brings you out here today?" Gordon stopped by periodically to check in with them, but it was usually after work. A weekday visit in the middle of the day was unusual. He was carrying a folder, which was also unusual for a visit.
"Hi, Ennis. How are you?"
"Doin' good."
"Girls gone back to their momma's?"
"Yep, a coupla weeks ago. You want somethin' t'drink? A beer, coffee, lemonade?"
"I'll take a cup of coffee, if it's not any trouble."
"Nope, come on."
Gordon followed him into the house and asked, "Is Kelly around?"
"No, she's runnin' errands."
"Good, good."
Ennis turned to look at him sharply, but Gordon didn't say anything more. Ennis poured them each a cup of coffee.
"Would you mind if we talked in the office? I have something important to talk to you about and I don't want to be interrupted."
Ennis felt his chest tighten. This is where it all ends. He's gonna tell me he made a mistake an' I'm gonna halfta give it all up, he thought, fear gripping his heart and squeezing. "Oh, okay, Gordon," Ennis said and led him up the stairs. Once inside, Ennis sat behind the desk, but felt a little out of place. This was Jack's territory and he felt a little like an intruder. Gordon sat across from him, his folder on his lap.
"Ennis, I didn't share this with you when you first moved here because I felt you might need some time to get settled and find your place here."
"I am settling in, Gordon. This is a good life. Never dreamed I'd ever be able t'live this life an' here I am." The hand on his heart clenched again.
"What was your family like? Your mom and dad, I mean?"
Ennis didn't answer right away, surprised by Gordon's question. "Umm, well, my mom was, you know, a mom. She was nice. Kinda quiet. Sweet. Good t'me. My dad was strict. Kept us in line, but good." Ennis's jaw clenched, "Him an' me, we didn't always get along so good." He stopped and looked at Gordon, his eyes narrowed, "Why're you askin'?"
"Have you ever seen your birth certificate?"
"No, I guess not."
"Did your parents ever talk about your birth?"
"Not that I c'n remember."
Gordon opened the folder and handed Ennis the top sheet. Ennis picked it up and saw at the top 'Certificate of Birth'. Further down he saw his mom's name, but next to the line that said 'Father', instead of his dad's name, it said 'James Del Mar'. "What the hell is this, Gordon?"
"James wasn't your uncle, Ennis. He was your father."
"What? No." There was a dull roar in his ears and he was having trouble breathing.
"You had no idea?"
"Do I look like I had a fuckin' idea?" he ground out between clenched teeth.
"No," Gordon shook his head, then continued, "According to James, your parents separated for a short period and during that time, she and James had, well, relations. It didn't last long. He said your mom felt guilty, broke it off, and soon afterward, she reunited with your father. Or the man you thought of as your father. There was no doubt that James was your real father."
Ennis leaned forward and put his head in his hands.
"You okay?"
"Yeah," he replied dully.
"James told me he moved here 'cause he couldn't take the pain anymore. He still loved your mom and he wanted to be a dad to you, but your parents wouldn't let him."
Ennis was silent, breathing shallowly, finally asked, "So, why didn't he find me after my parents died?"
"He didn't know it when it happened. I'm not sure why he didn't get in touch with you when he did find out–he didn't share that with me. I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, Ennis. I can see it's hard on you."
"Is there anything else, Gordon? Any other secrets I should know about?" he growled.
"No, that's it."
"Well, if that's it, I hope you'll excuse me, then. I don' feel much like talkin' no more."
"Of course, Ennis, I understand."
Ennis felt like he couldn't breathe, like the walls were closing in around him. He needed to be outside, in the fresh air, by himself.
Downstairs, Ennis opened the door to go outside and came face to face with a deputy sheriff. What the fuck? What now? he thought, scowling deeply.
The deputy smiled at him, "Are you Mr. Jack Twist?"
"No. He ain't here right now. Can I help ya?"
"I have some papers to serve him, can you sign for him?"
"Yeah."
The deputy handed him a thick manilla envelope, then held out a clipboard and pointed to a line for him to sign on. "Thanks, sir. You have a nice day."
Ennis smiled tightly and restrained himself by sheer force of will. Gordon patted him on the shoulder and gave him a sympathetic look. "You call me when you want to talk, Ennis," he said as he and the deputy left. Ennis put the envelope on the table, then stalked out to the stable and saddled Jojo, mounted him, and rode out.
Ennis was gone for hours and when he finally returned to the house, he was surprised to see Jack sitting on the deck, a beer in his hand. It didn't look like it was his first. His eyes were dark, which matched the look on his face.
"Where ya been?"
"Needed t'get away fer a awhile," he replied, hands on hips, looking down at his feet.
"Ya needed t'get away fer awhile?" Ennis heard it finally, the anger in Jack's voice, and looked up sharply. It wasn't like him to get so riled up about him being gone for a while.
"Jack, what's wrong?"
"What's wrong with you?" he asked, taking another long pull on the beer and looking away.
"Jack . . ."
"What, Ennis? Where the fuck have you been?"
"I was ridin'. Needed t'think," he looked down again, feeling the wave of hurt wash over him again. The sound of the bottle hitting the deck brought his head up sharply and the sound of a sob escaping Jack brought him onto the deck. He knelt in front of Jack and took him in his arms as Jack cried. "Jack, come on, tell me what happened." Something finally clicked in his mind. "Does this have anythin' t'do with that envelope that was delivered today?"
Jack's sobs stopped as quickly as they started, but he kept his face buried in Ennis's neck. "Fuckin' L.D.," he ground out harshly, "He filed papers t'get custody of Bobby. Hired a big shot lawyer. I gotta go t'court next week t'prove I c'n take care of 'im. He's my son, goddammit!"
"Oh, Jack, I'm sorry."
"I think I better talk to a lawyer."
Ennis drew him close again and felt Jack's breath on his neck. He held him for a few minutes, neither speaking, until Kelly opened the door to the deck and put her head out. Ennis pulled back from Jack.
"I'm sorry," Kelly put her head down, then looked up again. "I just wanted to tell you that supper is ready and Bobby's at the table waiting for you."
"Okay, thanks."
She disappeared back inside and they followed her after Jack wiped his face and took some deep breaths.
The room lit up eerily, as bright as day, for a second, and was quickly followed by a deafening crack of thunder. It wasn't raining yet, but the wind was wild. It lifted the curtains into twirling ghosts. Ennis couldn't believe Jack was sleeping through it, but after their fierce, energetic coupling that left them both slick with sweat, he wasn't completely surprised. Jack had worn himself out. Ennis was awake only because his mind wouldn't let him sleep. He hadn't yet told Jack of his news. He could barely comprehend it himself and hadn't found the words to share it. Eventually, he gave up trying to sleep and decided to go down and get something cold to drink. He pulled on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, slipped out of bed, and padded silently down the stairs. He went to the refrigerator without turning on any lights, took out a beer and carried it to the couch, grabbing a pack of cigarettes on the way.
He was halfway through his first cigarette when he heard the front door open. He was so lost in his reverie that, at first, the noise didn't register, so he was still sitting on the couch when a dark figure came through the door from the entryway. He looked up just as another flash of lightning lit up the room to illuminate Tyler, wearing just a pair of white pajama bottoms slung low on his narrow hips, his chest bare, his hair loose and tangled. In that instant, those feelings Ennis had thought safely locked away and forgotten surged out with a vengeance. He's beautiful, wormed its way into the forefront of his mind before he could stop it. Tyler stopped at the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen.
"Hey," he said softly, nodding at Ennis. "I didn't know anyone else was awake."
"Couldn't sleep."
"Me neither."
Ennis took a deep drag on his cigarette, felt his hand shaking as he tried to control his emotions, which were a match for the storm brewing outside. "What were ya doin' out there?" he finally asked.
"I couldn't sleep–it was too hot. I thought I'd go out and cool off." He looked out the window, where the rain had finally started to fall, in big, heavy, angry drops. "I love nights like this. Makes me feel free . . .when the wind is wild . . ." he trailed off softly.
Silence stretched between them like another presence in the room. Ennis finally broke it, the question escaping his lips before he thought about it, "Did you know?"
Tyler didn't answer right away. He walked forward and sat on the other end of the couch, not facing Ennis. "Gordon told you?"
"Shit. Does ever'one but me know?" he stared straight ahead, took another drag on his cigarette.
Tyler turned his head towards him, "I don't think so, Ennis. Maybe Etta, his housekeeper before Kelly, but she doesn't live around here anymore."
A sound escaped Ennis, which sounded like a laugh, but wasn't. "I don' know why it matters so much. It was a long time ago an' they're all gone. Nothin' t'be done about it. Cain't do nothin' about it." He was silent for a long time before adding, "Wish I coulda known 'im, though. Feels like I lost somethin' I never had."
Tyler moved closer, drawn to the hurt in that gravelly voice, wanting to do something, anything, to make things better. He put his hand up to Ennis's cheek and drew it down gently. "I'm sorry, Ennis."
Ennis didn't move. He couldn't even breathe. His cheek felt like it was on fire where Tyler touched it. He was repelled and enthralled by the feeling. Except for Jack, no other man had ever touched him like this. Tyler drew his hand back, leaving his cheek cold. Ennis turned his head to look at Tyler, taking in the disheveled hair, the sharply carved cheekbones, the dark, mysteriously sad eyes, the thin, delicately carved lips. He wondered briefly, irrationally, what those lips would taste like. He blinked slowly, swallowed hard, and stood up abruptly, stubbing out his cigarette at the same time.
"I'm goin' t'bed," he said sharply and went up the stairs quickly. He went straight to the bathroom, turned on the light, splashed some water on his face, and looked up at himself in the mirror, his hands on the edge of the sink holding him up. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes dilated. What in the holy hell is wrong with you? Goddammit, Ennis, get yerself under control! Ya got everything ya ever wanted. And more. More'n ya ever coulda dreamed of. Now ya wanna fuck it all up? A harsh breath escaped between his clenched lips. He splashed more cold water on his face before slipping back into the bedroom and in bed with Jack, who was sleeping on his stomach. His face was turned towards Ennis, peaceful in sleep, the eye of the storm that was raging outside and in Ennis's heart. Ennis touched his head, felt the silky dark hair beneath his fingers. He leaned down gently and kissed Jack's head, breathed in the familiar scent that he loved. Jack stirred, turned on his back, put out his arms, and pulled Ennis into them.
Ennis put his head on Jack's chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. It took a long time for his trembling to subside and for him to fall into an uneasy sleep.
Ennis opened his eyes slowly. It was light out and he was alone in bed, both of which were unusual. He was always up before the sun and always before Jack got out of bed. The storm had passed in the night and the sun shone brightly in the room. He became aware of Jack's voice, muffled, probably in the office. He sat up and pulled on a pair of jeans, used the bathroom, and brushed his teeth. He still heard Jack's voice, so he went down the hall to the office. Jack was just hanging up the phone when he looked in the doorway.
"That was Gordon. I asked him if he could help me, but he said he doesn't do family court. He recommended Anna Grant, Dwayne and Dayle's . . . well . . . step-mom? Whatever she is, Gordon said she does some family court. Usually for women. I'm gonna call her."
"Okay."
"Hey, are you all right? It ain't like ya t'sleep so late."
Ennis grunted. "Jus' couldn't sleep las' night. I need some coffee, you want some?"
"I got some, bud, but thanks."
Ennis turned to go, but turned back and went around the desk, leaned down and kissed Jack gently. "Good mornin', darlin'."
Jack touched his cheek and smiled. "Mornin'."
Ennis was sitting at the table, a cup of coffee in front of him, when Jack came down the stairs. He refilled his cup and joined Ennis.
"Where's Bobby?"
"Outside with Kelly. They're weeding the garden. I asked Janie t' stop by t'day. I thought it couldn't hurt t'talk t'her. She's seen us with Bobby and so far hasn't had anything bad t'say."
"That's a good idea, Jack," Ennis replied absently.
"Ennis? What's goin' on? Why'd ya disappear yesterday?"
Ennis didn't answer right away. He still didn't have the words for this, but knew it'd hurt Jack's feelings if he didn't find the words and tell him. He cleared his throat and took a gulp of coffee. "Gordon stopped by yesterday."
"What for? Did he know about the custody papers?" Jack looked confused.
"No, that ain't why he stopped." He didn't go on.
Jack waited, sensing Ennis was looking for the words, or maybe the courage, to go on.
Ennis finally spoke again, "He came t'tell me that James wasn't my uncle." He looked over to meet Jack's eyes. "He was my dad. Didn't want t'tell me when I first got here." He looked away again, out the window.
It took moment for Jack to comprehend this before replying. "What? Why didn't James tell you himself, while he was alive?"
"I dunno, Jack." He sighed and added softly, "I don't know anything anymore."
Jack's mind flashed back to his reaction when Ennis found him on the porch last night and felt a pang of shame. "Ennis, I'm sorry fer the way I behaved yesterday. I didn't know ya had yer own shock t'deal with."
Ennis turned his head quickly and reached for his hand, "Don't you apologize fer that, Jack. Ya had ever' right t'be upset. My stuff, it's all old stuff. I c'n deal with it later. But this stuff with L.D. and Bobby, that's gotta be dealt with right now. I'll do whatever ya need me to, darlin', you just let me know what ya need."
Jack felt his eyes welling and thought, I'm turnin' inta the world's biggest damn baby, but he couldn't stop the tears. He leaned forward and met Ennis's lips softly. "Thank you. I love you, Ennis."
Ennis kissed him back, silently.
Anna Grant tucked a lock of her dark hair behind her ear, only to have it immediately fall forward again. She looked up at Jack, tucked the hair behind her ear again. Her straight, dark hair framed her heart-shaped face. Her hazel eyes were large and thoughtful. "Jack, I'll definitely take your case for you. I can't make any promises, you know? I think you have a good chance, though. Bobby is your son, after all."
Jack smiled and let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Thanks, Anna."
"Now, the first thing we need to do is reply to his affidavit. Take it home, read it carefully, and write down your replies. Come back tomorrow and we'll get it typed up. We'll get more affidavits from your friends around here. I'm sure Ellen and Colin would be willing to write something on your behalf. Anyone else you can think of?"
"Well, yeah. Kelly, Tyler, Janie Peterson. She's the social worker that came to the house. She's been back three or four times since then."
"Okay. And Ennis, of course."
They both looked at Ennis, seated next to Jack. "Of course," he agreed, though in his heart he wondered if that would help Jack, or hurt him.
Anna smiled at them. "All right, you guys go home and try to relax, now." She stood and walked them to the door.
When they were outside, Jack turned to Ennis with a wry smile. "Relax. Easy fer her t'say."
Ennis didn't say anything, but when they got in the truck and headed out of town, he surprised Jack by reaching over and taking his hand in his. He held it all the way home.
