Authors Note: Ok guys here it is! Part 2! I'm sorrry I didn't post it yesterday but I had too...revamp it a little. I had actually written this part before I realized I was gonna write the other...Anyway tho, beautifulxDreamer, MHxxPAPER DOLL, SweetPrincess4eva, RichiO3, and Arodbritt42806, thank you guys so much for the wonderful reviews! Beautiful and MHxxPAPERDOLL? I cannot believe that I actually made you guys cry! That makes me so happy! (Does that sound wrong?)
But, Solaris and BabyPrincess56? You guys are the best! You 2 have really inspired me to keep writing! Thank you so much! Ya'll are my girls! If either of you ever decide to write, make sure I'm the first to know...!
All right, sorry everyone who's not the aforementioned peeps, but I had to mention them!
Alright, on with the story you guys...
Disclaimer: No I don't own Degrassi and I'm pretty sure I don't own this song "Everything I do". I mean, it was Bryan Adams, but, who knows what happened last night...?
The Vow Part 2;
The Journey
The road is too damn dark to be driving on
But I still am
I don't know how I am
I'm tired as Hell,
Spent all morning lifting weights
-It takes the edge off-
And just hanging out with...
Well, I guess you'd call 'em "friends"
But, not really
It's kinda hard to get close to people
When ya left your heart somewhere else
Anyway, I hate that kinda talk
But still...
She's been on my mind all day...
I kept tryna avoid the thought that I needed to be heading back
That makes it a lot easier
At least, I thought it would
But it didn't
And when I got home,
Or back to my parents home, anyway
This afternoon?
All I could do was remember that day
That vow that I made
And her eyes...
Her face...
That last mental image that I-
I haven't been able to let go of
And so
I packed up whatever crap I had
AndI hopped in my car
I didn't call to tell anybody in Toronto
Just told my parents bye
And started driving
I sure hope I read her last expression the right way
Or at least I hope she'll be able to read mine
When she sees me again
Look into my eyes - you will see what you mean to me
I don't know how I stayed gone an entire year...
And a few months actually
But, still,
All I could do was think about everything that had happened
And try to wash it all away
Like it was all someone else's really messed up life
That I'd had nothing to do with,
But even though I can't shake the thought of...
Rick
And what happened to him
What I might've done to him
I've learned to just-
To just let it go...ya know?
It was really tough
But, I've realized that, some things?
You can't change 'em
They were just meant to happen
And that's why
I'm hoping so bad
That she feels that way about me and her
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Driving down this road is like
I don't know
It's too quiet
Brings up too many memories
Memories that I'm used to
But right about now?
Heading back there?
The last thing I need is those memories
Especially the ones about her
The way she'd look at me
The way she'd smile
And laugh
Before it all went to pot of course
Thanks to my treating her like crap...
And then of course there's Ellie
I try pretty hard to forget how badly I musta hurt her
I really did care about her
I think about that a lot
I wonder if she knows that
I'm pretty sure she did at one point
But once I...
Well, after everything "happened"
As my therapists liked to say,
I'm pretty sure she realized
That I still cared about...
Her
Loved her
That it's really messed up
When I think about it
But then again
I'm pretty sure Ellie wouldn't blame me for saving the girl I loved
I mean it was really pointless for us to stay together anyway
Knowing that I...
Well, I love her
And no matter how much it hurt Ellie
Or even now
How much it might hurt her
I can't just let this go
She means too much
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
This drive is pretty depressing
I can only see as far as the car lights
And I'm probably driving too fast
Not that I particularly care
I'd better slow down though
The last thing I need right about now is a ticket
Or better yet to get myself killed on my way to Toronto
That'd be just great,
I think
Then I pause,
Remembering the day that I did almost get myself killed
It's still so...scary to think about
Not because I woulda died
But because I know
To save her?
I'd do it all over again
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
Going back to Toronto?
I always knew I would
Every day of my life
For that entire year
I knew I'd go back
Not to Degrassi
Not to Jay
Hell, not even to make things "right" between me and Ellie
-Even though i guess I will try to-
I'm going back for one reason
And one reason only...
Emma Nelson
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
To take my mind off of other more depressing thoughts
I wonder how much everyone has changed
I'm not to sure about Ellie
I don't think she'd do too much differently
She'd already toned down the makeup and the freakish hairstyles
But has she been...?
I don't know about her cutting...
I try my best not to think about that
I hope she was so mad she decided I wasn't worth cutting for
Anyway, Ellie isn't too good a memory to think about
Not that I love her
But I do still care about her
And I can't stand thinking that I hurt her
Jay
Last time I spoke to him?
Man, that was a long while ago
He said something about him and Alex going through it
Didn't say why
Just said she was doing "the whole chick thing"
But knowing Jay and Alex
I'm sure it wasn't nothin' they couldn't handle
He's probably still doing the same old shit tho'
Besides that he promised he'd look out for her
I hope he has been
Jay isn't the best guy, I know,
But he was still the closest thing I had to a friend
Or even a family,
Before I left
And Emma...
Emma.
I have no idea what's happening with her
I wanted to call her
See how she was doing...
But I couldn't
And even though
That last look she gave me
I could tell she still cared about me
A lot of shit can change in a year
And a half
She mighta found another guy...
But that doesn't really matter
'Cuz I'm not scared anymore
I'm not afraid to tell her how I feel
Whoever the hell she's with
Even if I wanted to, I couldn't hide it
And knowing Emma, I think she'll pretty much figure it out
Look into my heart - you will find there's nothin' there to hide
Stopping for gas
I catch my reflection in the one of the cars side-mirrors
I hadn't thought about it
But I guess I've changed...
I'm not that much taller
But my face looks...thinner I guess you'd call it
Distinguished, Emma'd probably say
It looks a little tired actually
Right about now
And my hair?
I haven't gotten it cut since I moved to Wasaga
Never cared too much about it being cut anyway
But I guess now,
I really didn't care
And, unlike Tracker,
Neither did my mom and dad
So it just grew out
Luckily, it didn't get past my shoulders
I walk back out after paying the cashier guy
And get in the car
This time when I look in the mirror
A thought hits me
I don't just look different
I am different
I'm not scared
Or faking
Or trying to be bad-ass when I'm really just...
I don't know...
I just do what I gotta do
But I wonder,
What will Emma think of me, now?
Not that she'd been my biggest fan when I left
But,
I hope she likes me a lot better than she did then
She will
I think trying to convince myself that she won't just like me...
She'll love me
Take me as I am
If she doesn't
Well...
I'll just have to prove to her that saving her life wasn't a coincedence
It meant something
About...me
It changed me
I never thought I'd do something like that
Not that I'd put too much thought into having to risk my life beforehand,
But now I know
You'd do a lot for love
Take my life I would give it all - I would sacrifice
Everything about her
It's just so...
Amazing
I can't beleieve I ever let her go
Let Us go
But this time?
If she takes me back?
I won't let us go down
Again
Not without one hell of a fight
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
The ride is only 2 hrs
I'm not sure what time it is
Or how long I've been driving
The road is starting to look familiar though
Not that I've been paying it too much attention
I just can't seem to stop thinking about her
About everything we went through
Everything she helped me through
How the Hell did I screw that up?
I don't know what I was thinking before
But I know now
No girl could ever...
They couldn't even come close to Emma
Ever
There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
Sometimes I can't...
It's so hard for me to figure out how the hell I lasted a whole year
Without Emma
Everything was so...expected
My parents were the same
My grades
The same
-not bad not good-
The girls?
They were...
They're not even worth talking about
Or maybe that's just cause I couldn't be with any of 'em without comparing them to... Emma
Everything was much more with her
I felt like...
I don't know
She made me feel like I had a reason to be alive
Not just to be
But to be loved by her
Glancing over at a burst of light in the corner of my eye
I see the sign
"Welcome to Toronto"
And smile
It might as well say "Welcome back to Emma's life"
Cause that's the only thing I see when I look at it
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way
Some shitty hotel room
That's were I'll stay for tonight I guess
I pay the girl-she looks about my age- and she nods taking the money
Then she does a double take, staring at me with wide eyes
"Is something wrong?" I ask her,
She looks at me like I'm some...ghost or something.
"You're-you're Sean Cameron. I'm Shelly Mills. I went to Degrassi, I mean, I was there. That day? When you saved...that girl, um, what's her name?"
"Oh, um, Emma. Her name was Emma Nelson."
I say after a painful pause,
"Yeah, I'm so glad that you're here.
I mean, I have always wanted to tell you that I think that was soooo brave of you."
The girl says, touching her chest and squinting all crazily
Like she's so amazed,
"I don't think I know anyone who'd risk their life to save someone elses."
I still feel that pain in my chest when people act like I'm a hero
But, I can deal with it a lot better now and I just say "Thanks,"
And take the key off the table turning to head toward room...
4A
"Um, I'm sorry, but can I just say one more thing..." the girl says and I turn around looking at her,
"It's just, well, when it happened, I read one of your interviews. You said the girl-Emma- that she was your friend...?"
I'm not really sure where she's going with this but I just nod,
"Yeah...?"
"Wasn't she your ex-girlfriend?"
I just stare at her a little angry now,
"What's that have to do with anything...?
"Well, just that, she couldn't been too good a girlfriend; I heard you broke up with her.
"But, I guess..."
She smiles at me with a knowing look,
"She musta been some friend."
I don't really answer
It's kinda odd that she-a total stranger-is the first one to realize this, out loud anyway
So, I just look at her,
Thinking a second
Before, realizing it doesn't matter, if I tell her
And I finally say with a nod
"She is."
Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Laying in this bed is really...
Pointless, I guess
I don't think I'll be getting much sleep
Her face comes up everytime I close my eyes
And I wonder how she's doing
Then I wonder what she's doing
Then I wonder If she knows I'm thinking about her
And I hope she knows...
I love her
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you
She probably doesn't
Has no idea that I'm laying in this hotel bed
Unable to shake thoughts of her
The thoughts of what I said
As I watched her leaving
And the fact that
I'm actually about to do it
I have to get some sleep
Because tomorrow?
I'm gonna keep my promise
The promise that she has no idea I even made
The vow
I'm coming...
I think, as I close my eyes
I'm coming back for you.
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
