Chapter Twenty-Four
Thursday, August 19, 1976
Ennis took his hat off and wiped his sweaty forehead with his arm. He looked up, noticing a couple of ravens circling low, their ebony wings dark shadows against the brilliant blue of the sky. He looked back at the fence and was overcome with a sense of de jà vu. He'd been avoiding Tyler for days, and now here he was, at almost the same area of the fence that had started him down this path. Dwayne and Dayle had taken the day off, Jack was meeting with Anna, and Beau had gone into town when Tyler had ridden in to say that a tree had fallen on the fence and he needed some help with the repair. That left only Ennis to help. Cursing under his breath, Ennis saddled up Jojo and rode out with him. He glanced at Tyler under the brim of his hat; he seemed just as uncomfortable to be here as Ennis did, which made Ennis feel somehow worse.
Tyler flipped his braid over his shoulder as he hefted a large branch and dragged it away from the fence. Ennis followed with another one, making sure to avoid the chain saw where he'd left it on the ground. They each went back for another branch, but when they dropped them in the trees, Tyler hissed softly. Ennis turned around and saw his hair had caught and tangled in the branches as he'd dropped it on the ground. He went back to help as Tyler's fingers scrabbled at the limbs.
"Stop it, yer makin' it worse," Ennis said, pushing his hands away and working his own fingers in to free the silky strands. The braid had come out and the long strands were tangling in the branches. He worked for a minute, realizing he might be making it worse himself, when it came free.
"I should just cut it all off," Tyler said, rubbing his head where it had pulled, more meaning behind the statement than he revealed.
"No, don't do that," Ennis said, then looked down, shaking his head once. "I mean, of course, do what ya want." He looked up into Tyler's eyes, which had darkened to deep wells of shadow. "I just mean, yer hair, it's a part of you, it's . . ." he trailed off, then reached up to pull a twig out of Tyler's hair. Tyler watched him, his heart pounding, barely daring to breath, as Ennis reached up and pulled another one out, his fingers lingering a little longer than necessary.
"I used to think it gave me strength, but now, I don't know what it means." Tyler raked his fingers through his hair, trying to straighten some of the tangles. He looked up and up, his eyes drawn to the ravens that continued to circle above them. Ennis watched his face from under the brim of his hat.
I should get back to work, he thought, not moving. I've been here before, I've been through this before. I can't do anything with these feelings, not when I've got Jack. Beautiful Jack. Yet, he stood there, his hands on his hips, unable to move, watching the face in front of him. Tyler finally lowered his gaze to Ennis, his dark eyes shuttered.
Ennis took out his cigarettes and lit one. He sucked hard on it, trying to focus his thoughts, which were pitching all over the place, like a drunk on a bender. He took a couple more drags on it, then dropped it and ground it under his heel. "I s'pose we better get this fence fixed," Ennis said, turning around. Tyler followed and they cleared the rest of the tree away from it. That done, Tyler put the boards in place while Ennis pounded the nails in.
They finished up and put the tools away in the saddle bags, but instead of mounting up, Ennis walked away and stood in the shadows of the trees towering above him, facing the forest, away from Tyler. His hands were shaking and he felt all twisted up inside, like a stranger in his own skin.
"Ennis?" Tyler said softly, taking a step forward. "Are you all right?"
Ennis shook his head, took his hat off, and ran his fingers through his hair. His hat slipped from his fingers to land among the buttercups that carpeted the ground. He shook his head again, a lump in his throat. A cloud moved in front of the sun, cooling the air and stealing the brightness from the day.
"Ennis, what's wrong?" Tyler asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. At his touch, Ennis lost control of the feelings he'd kept in check for so long. He turned and crushed his lips to Tyler's, pulling him close, his hands buried in the blackness of Tyler's hair. Tyler's knees buckled and they fell to the earth, crushing the buttercups beneath their knees. His hands clutched Ennis to him, their strong chests straining together, their thighs rubbing together, on fire, igniting the hardness between them.
Ennis sucked in Tyler's lower lip, tasting the saltiness of his sweat and the dark sweetness of his mouth. The kiss went on and on, propelled by an urgency that confused and excited Ennis. Tyler ran his hand down Ennis's lower back and along the edge of his the sweat-soaked waistband of his jeans and then underneath his shirt. Tyler's hand touched his bare back and Ennis broke the kiss, freezing in place.
It took Tyler a moment to realize Ennis had stopped responding. He pulled his face away, breathing hard, and looked into the lighter brown eyes, which had filled with tears. A sob broke from Ennis's throat as he fell into the crook of Tyler's neck, his arms still around him, hanging on tight.
"I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what I'm doing."
"Shh . . ." Tyler felt his own eyes fill with tears.
"Tyler, I'm so sorry . . ."
"It's all right," Tyler whispered, he mouth close to Ennis's ear as he held him for a bit longer. They broke apart slowly, each wiping their eyes, to sit back on their legs, their knees still touching.
Ennis took Tyler's hand in both of his, but didn't look up into his eyes. "Tyler . . . this is hard for me. I ain't used to sayin' how I feel." He stopped and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I let this happen again. I swore it wouldn't. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me lately." He took another deep breath and finally looked up into the dark eyes. "I can't do this with you, Tyler. I can't. Another time, another place, if there wasn't Jack, if Jack had never been part o' my life . . . I like you an awful lot, ya gotta know that, and I hope we can stay friends. I don't want to lose that. But there's Jack, an' ya know I love him. And the farm and the kids. I can't lose any of it," he trailed off into silence. Tyler rubbed his thumb over one of Ennis's, afraid to speak for fear he'd break down. "I know ya said ya just wanted t'ferget this happened and jus' go on like it didn't. I'm sorry I let it happen again, but I won't ferget it, Tyler, an' I won't lie t'ya and say it don't mean nothin', 'cause in spite of Jack an' the farm an' the kids an' all of it, it did mean somethin' t'me. You've helped me in a way ya prob'ly won't ever understand an' I'm grateful fer that." He disengaged his hands from Tyler's. "But I can't do no more."
Tyler met his eyes bravely. "I can't either, Ennis. I can't go on like I have been. It isn't fair to either one of us. I know that now." He looked down at his own hands. "You've helped me, too. You're right though, I can't just forget everything that's happened between us. I tried, but I can't do it." He looked back into Ennis's eyes. "I want to move on, though. I know that you'll never be mine. Even if you and Jack broke up and we got together, I know you'd resent me. It'd never work. You'll never be mine. I know that."
Ennis swallowed past the lump in his throat, started to speak, but had to stop to clear his throat. "Tyler, yer an amazing man. I hope ya find someone t'love ya like ya deserve. I want ya t'find happiness an' someone t'make ya happy."
Tyler dropped his eyes, brushing a hand across his cheeks to wipe the tears that started falling again.
"Don't cry, darlin'. Please . . ." Ennis whispered softly.
Tyler scrubbed at his cheeks. "I'm okay, Ennis. Really." He looked up and gave Ennis a meager smile.
"Ya sure?"
"I will be."
"Okay, come on."
Ennis stood and held out a hand to help Tyler up. They stepped out of the shadows of the trees, just as the sun broke through the clouds again. Ennis felt the sunlight wash through him, illuminating all the dark corners of his thoughts, and he felt a clarity he hadn't felt in weeks. In spite of what had happened with Tyler, he felt relieved and anxious to see Jack.
Tyler and Ennis went back to the stable and groomed the horses in silence, until they were done. Tyler started towards his car, but Ennis stopped him. "We'll be leaving in the morning and we'll be gone fer a week or so. Can you take care of ever'thing while we're gone? Is that too much t'ask of ya?" he asked gently.
"No, you and Jack know I'll be here to take care of the farm, Ennis. In spite of everything, I love this place, the horses, the land. I'll be here."
"The other guys'll be here t'help, but you know, and so do they, that yer the one in charge."
"I know." Tyler looked into Ennis's eyes, "Good-bye, Ennis." The finality of it did not escape Ennis. "You have a safe trip."
"Thanks, Tyler, we will."
Tyler turned and walked away.
Ennis went into the house and into the maelstrom of packing going on. Kelly was helping the girls gather their stuff that had become scattered throughout the house, while simultaneously helping Bobby pack a small bag for his trip to meet his paternal grandparents for the first time. Jack was in the bedroom packing for their camping trip, one suitcase open for both of them. Ennis bypassed them all and went straight to the shower, where he took his time.
They ate supper together, then Ennis and Jack packed their camping gear and all the suitcases into the car, then tucked the kids into bed. The went to bed soon after and Jack curled around Ennis. Ennis lay awake for a long time, feeling guilty for being in Jack's arms, yet feeling strangely detached about what had happened with Tyler. He knew the feeling would end, that he would crash back to reality, that he needed to share everything with Jack. He knew that there was a possibility that Jack wouldn't forgive him–that he'd leave him. But none of that penetrated the wall he'd built around himself, the wall that was keeping him together until he felt safe enough to let it down. He finally fell into an uneasy sleep, only to wake a few hours later to the blaring of the alarm.
Ennis dressed and went downstairs where he found Kelly stirring her coffee. She got a cup for Ennis and poured him a cup. Jack followed him down a minute later and put his arm around her as she poured him a cup. "You sure do take good care o' us, sweetheart."
Kelly blushed and looked down. "It isn't hard, Jack. You guys are wonderful." She turned away, "Now, I'm going to make a good breakfast for you all, to send you on your way properly." She went to the kitchen and busied herself with cooking bacon, eggs, and pancakes.
Ennis went to the door of Junior's bedroom and knocked. "Come in," she said. He opened the door and saw she was already dressed and sitting on her bed. "Morning, Daddy."
"Good morning, darlin'. Yer all ready, it looks like."
She sighed. "Yeah, I guess so."
He sat next to her on the bed and put his arm around her. "What's the matter, honey?"
She looked away, out the window. "Honestly? I don't wanna leave, Daddy. I love it here. I didn't think I would. In fact," she looked at him guiltily, "I wanted t'hate it. But I don't and I'm gonna miss everything so much. You, mostly, and Emma and Kelly and Bobby. And the horses. And Jack," she added more softly.
"We're all gonna miss you, too, darlin'," he replied, pulling her close. "I love you an' Franny so much. I wish we could see each other more often. The past two weeks have been wonderful, bein' able t'spend so much time with you girls. And I know Jack feels the same way– he loves you girls." Junior snuggled into his arms. "Kelly's makin' a big breakfast fer us. I better go wake yer sister up." He kissed her temple and stood up.
Franny was just coming out of her door when left Junior's room. She ran to Ennis and put her arms around him. "Do we halfta leave, Daddy? I wanna live here ferever an' ever."
"Now, Franny, what would yer momma say? She needs you girls at home with her."
"I know, but I love it here."
"Come on, let's eat breakfast."
"Oh, all right," she sighed and followed him to the table.
The mood at the table was subdued. The girls were sad to be leaving and everyone was sad to see them go. Afterwards, Junior and Franny hugged Kelly tight and promised to write her letters. Bobby hugged her good-bye and promised to be good and stay out of trouble. Jack hugged her again as he went out the door. She stopped Ennis and gave him a hug, whispering as she did, "I hope you and Jack can work out what you need to while you're gone, Ennis." He stiffened and pulled away, but she held onto his arm. "Things have been tense between you guys. I don't know exactly what caused it, but I hope you can work it out. I really do," she said kindly.
He relaxed and hugged her tight. "We will. I promise."
They finally got on the road and started on the journey. They stopped for dinner in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Jack grinned as their waitress approached. She was short and plump, with hair just going to gray. She smiled back at him warmly. "I remember you boys. Stopped here a few months ago, didn't you?"
"We sure did, Lillian. You talked us into the lemon meringue pie."
"I remember. Now, who do you have with you?"
"This here's my son Bobby, and these are Ennis's daughters, Junior and Franny."
"Hello, children. We got more of that lemon meringue pie. Got fresh strawberry, too, if you like that better." She twinkled a bright smile at them, "Now, what can I get you all?" She took their order, remembering that Jack liked his burger well-done. When they'd finished dinner and desert, Jack asked if there was a good motel nearby so they could stop for the night.
"There's a Holiday Inn down the road a bit. Just get back on the freeway heading west and you'll see it in a few minutes. Have a safe trip and stop here again sometime."
"Thank you, we will," Jack smiled at her.
They found the motel and checked in, but hesitated when they walked in the room. There were two double beds and Jack and Ennis hadn't thought about who would sleep where. Franny immediately pulled back the blankets on one bed and crawled in, tired and ready to sleep. Junior looked at Jack and Ennis, a question in her eyes, before following Franny and sitting on edge of the same bed. Bobby turned on the tv and sat on the end of the other bed. Jack pulled Ennis in the bathroom.
"Where're we gonna put ever'body?" Ennis asked.
"The girls can share a bed, we can share one, and we'll make up a bed fer Bobby on the floor."
Ennis chewed the edge of his thumbnail. "I dunno, Jack. I don't feel real comfortable sleepin' with you with the kids in the same room."
"It ain't like we're gonna be havin' sex, Ennis. They all know we share a bed." There was an edge to his voice.
"I know, but . . ."
"You got a better idea?"
Ennis thought for a minute. "No, I guess not."
"All right, then."
They made up a bed for Bobby and took turns using the bathroom to change into pajamas and brush teeth, then crawled wearily into their beds. Ennis faced away from Jack, but it wasn't long before he felt Jack turn over and put his arms around him. Ennis let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. It felt good to be in Jack's arms.
The next day they had breakfast at the same diner, but Lillian wasn't there, of course. It was late afternoon when they pulled into Riverton. Ennis stopped in front of the apartment by the laundromat, glancing at Jack as he did. Jack looked nervous. He hadn't seen Alma since that first meeting in 1967. Alma came down the stairs as they got out of the car. The girls ran to her, giggling and talking, trying to tell her all about their trip as quickly as possible.
"Sounds like you girls had a good time," she smiled at them.
"Oh, momma, we did," Franny gushed.
"I'm glad. Get yer suitcases out of the car." She pushed them gently towards the back of the car where Jack was unloading their things.
"Hi, Ennis. How'd it go?"
"Good. We had a good time. I was sorry t'have t'bring 'em home."
"I'm glad they had a good time." She looked at Jack, who was walking around the car carrying Franny's suitcase.
"Alma, you remember Jack Twist?"
She hesitated, her smile slipping a bit as a haunted look came into her eyes. "Of course I do. How are you, Jack?"
He flashed her a charming smile, "I'm good. How're you?"
"Fine."
"Where's Monroe?" Ennis asked.
"He had t'work."
"Well, we'll get going. Good-bye girls."
"Bye, Daddy," Franny said, wrapping her arms around Ennis and squeezing tight.
"I'll call ya when we get home. I love you, little darlin'."
"I love you, too, Daddy." She stepped away and wrapped her arms around Jack's waist. "Good-bye, Jack. I'm gonna miss you too." He hugged her back, noticing the surprised look that passed over Alma's face. Franny hugged Bobby next.
Junior put her arms around her dad, giving him a long hug. "Bye, Daddy. I love you. Call as soon as you get back or I'm gonna worry."
He smiled gently, "Yes, ma'am, I will. I wouldn't want ya t'worry 'bout me. I love you too."
Junior hugged Bobby, then stood in front of Jack shyly. "Good-bye, Jack."
"Bye, sweetheart. Would it be okay if I gave ya a hug?" She nodded, so he reached out and pulled her into his arms. "Take care of my daddy," she whispered in his ear.
"I will, don't you worry, sweetheart."
Jack, Ennis, and Bobby got back in the car and started toward Casper, where they were planning to spend the night before going up to Lightning Flat in the morning.
