TAG: Welcome back, everyone! Thank you so much everyone for the great reviews and letters to Ed! Note that some of these letters are from reviewers, and some, like that one omelet thing, are by me. Alrighty, here's the disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, Code Lyoko, Yu-gi-oh, Chobits, or anything else mentioned that you seriously would doubt belongs to me.


Dear Ed Part 2

Back by popular demand, Ed is here to take your letters. Send 'em in and he'll give you a well-rounded, thought out answer to your questions. Or, he'll do what he did last time.

Dear Ed

I love your brother! Can I marry him?

-rockbell

Dear Rockbell,

You love Al? And you don't love me? Naw, just joking… sort of… well, um, I'd guess you'd have to ask Al. O.K., I'm asking him right now… He's saying 'what, I can't hear you…' There's this girl on the computer, I say… he says 'Are you one of those R rated dating chats again' NO, NO, hahaha, nothing of the sort, Al… Blah blah, he's going on about how bad those are, NO AL, I'm not on one of those, come see for yourself, he shakes his head and… walks away! Well, I'll just have to get back to you on that… Heh, and I'm NEVER on dating chats. What a joke. Haha. Ha.

Dear Ed,

My brother saw a picture of you on my computer (don't ask). Anyway, when my brother saw said picture he asked "Is that cheese?" I responded "Just because he has blond hair and yellow eyes, doesn't mean he's cheese!". To the point, what should I say next?

Signed, Confused sister.

P.S. If you ask me he still thinks you're cheese.

Dear Confused Sister,

CHEESE? At least he didn't call me SHORT. At this point I would advise the following: "No, silly (or other more profane word) brother, this is not cheese but a very tall, attractive man with extraordinary abilities, and you cannot eat him, and he is not a product of cow's milk and whatever else cheese is made of. And cheese does not wear a coat." Actually, this one time, I looked in the fridge and there was this piece of cheese, right? And it had molded so much, that it looked like it was wearing a shirt.

Dear Ed,

Cheese is short. Haven't you ever seen it before? It's tiny. Like you.

- Anonymous

DEAR $#! ANONYMOUS-TOO-CHICKEN-TO-WRITE-THEIR-OWN-NAME-BECAUSE-THEY-KNEW-ED-WOULD-TRACK-THEM-DOWN-AND-BEAT-THEM-UP,

CHEESE is NOT necessarily short!!!!! Don't they make like, cheese sculptures that are like, 300 FEET TALL?!?!?! SO THERE! I AM A 300 FOOT TALL CHEESE MAN AND I'M GOING TO SMOOSH YOU BECAUSE I'M NOT SHORT!!!!

Dear Edward,

My friends, Yumi, Od, Orik, and I would like to know how to bring our friend Aileta to life. Right now she is living in a computer world with an evil computer virus named Zana.

-Jeremy, Yumi, Od, & Orik

Dear Jeremy, Yumi, Od, and Orik,

You lost me after the 'Dear Edward' part.

Dear Ed,

Listen, I know you complain about being short and all, and I just have to say one thing: HA HA!! You're short! You're what, 4'3"? I'm, like 5'7". HA HA HA HA HA! Midget.

-Fictionluverkdm (Short freak)

DEAR MEAN PERSON,

WILL YOU PEOPLE GET OFF MY CASE?????? AND FOR YOUR &($#! INFORMATION I'M 4"4!!!!! SO THERE!!! HAHAHAHA!!! AND I'M MADE OF SUPER TALL CHEESE! Wait… Where did that come from…?

Dear Ed,

Someone wrote a very funny fanfic about you, I think you should read it. You are so calm and cool with talking with other people and giving them an advice. And for me it is ok you are as small as a bean - I have the same height and I am at your age (besides I'm a girl). I didn't have any problems, just few questions:

1. When I will see you again?

2. When will this writer write another fanfic with you?

-DeEP-Kris&Gluttony

Dear Nice Person,

This is what I like to hear! Everyone should follow your example when they write me these letters. We-ell, I suppose I can be very calm and patient, can't I? I'll look over that small as a bean comment because of your honest praise. And you're my age and height and you're a girl…? Hold on, let me tell Al something… HEY, AL! I found someone my height and age that's a girl! You owe me $20! Heeheehee… He says, No I don't owe you that, because you owe me for finding a girl that was… in… a suit of armor all the time… before you… found… Aaanyway, I'll answer your questions, like I'm supposed to… When will you see me again?Soon is a great possibility because you are my height and my age and a girl. Second, my editor, who is eating raisins and reading Chobits right now, would love to write more about me, I'm sure. First she has to go through all my responses and spell check them, and turn all the bad words into little symbols. Haha. Ouch…she just threw a raisin at me…

Dear Edward-kun:

I have this weird golden upside down pyramid thing with a so called spirit in it that kept on telling me to turn people mental with some playing cards! What should I do?

-Tri-coloured Porcupine

Dear Porcupine,

This is new. I suppose you could always tell the spirit that he could have a lot more fun with a hobby, like, making model planes and blowing them up and stuff. You could also give it to a really bad magician, who pretty much already turns people mental with playing cards, so it wouldn't be hurting anyone. And if you put the pyramid in the ground, you could see if it grows sprouts on the top like a carrot, and then maybe you could eat it.

Dear Ed,

I have a crush on best friend Parker, the sweetest guy ever. But I know he doesn't like me. Then you come along, with all your cuteness and I don't know who I like. Who do I choose? Do I choose you or Parker? Both of you are really nice guys that are cute, funny, smart, ect... but I need to stick with one guy. Please help me.

-Gothic Rose093

Dear Rose,

This is simple. If Parker has another love interest, then choose me. If Parker does not have a love interest, choose me anyway, because I can do alchemy, which is really cool. Chicks dig alchemy, right? And you and Parker can still be friends, even though he's probably lamer than me, and I am so nice.

Dear Love bunny Eddie,

I'M GONNA KILL THEM! Those stupid mean girls that want you! Don't they know we're engaged??? I think it's cute that you're playing along with them, but I love you and I'm going to kidnap you if you don't come see me soon. I tattooed your name on my… wait, I won't tell you where, you have to come see for yourself, Eddie! Oh, you have an imposter! He tried to trick me into thinking he was you, and don't worry, the guys and suits that came with the restraining order from him tried to get me but they couldn't. I'm mad because after I escaped, they went into my house and took all the pictures of you in my bedroom and burnt the shrine where I keep my life size model of you that I made myself! My mom and dad were taken to the police to be questioned, so I burnt my house while they were gone to hide the evidence. I did the same thing you and your brother did to your house! I'm writing to you from my friend's house. Her name is Suzie and she's backed up in a corner because I threatened her with a gun. I made her give me her best stationary to write to you, Ed. I love you!

-Brianna, who still loves you!

Dear Brianna,

WHAT??????!???? WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU STALKING ME? WE ARE NOT ENGAGED!!!!!!! I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOU BEFORE! THERE IS NOT A SNOWBALL'S CHANCE IN HELL I'M TRACKING YOU DOWN TO SEE YOUR TATOO!!!!!!! DON'T KNOW YOU AND I DON'T LOVE YOU! I'm blocking your letters! I'LL BURN THE NEXT ONE I GET!!!!

Dear Ed Elric,

I think cheese is made from cheese crackers. It has nothing to do with a cow. You just take the cheese out of the cheese cracker and then you have your cheese, and your crackers. Eggs are made from omelets, too. If you put a chicken in an omelet it wouldn't taste very good, but if you put an egg in a chicken, it would be an omelet. If you have three eggs that hatch from an omelet, you can make scrambled chicken, and when you scramble and omelet you can make a chicken with eggs. And if you want a cow you put the cracker and the cheese and the chicken together. And scramble them.

-Inowsevrythin76

Dear Inowsevrything76,

Dear Edward Elric,

Your reply to last week's 'Angry at Parents' was bad. In fact, all of your replies are bad. I run a mailbox like this for a living, and let me tell you, NO one serious would ask for your advice. I suppose we are like rivals, because our columns are published so close. It's a fight between us for the most letters from people wanting our generous words of wisdom, or in your case, gibberish and random insults. You are too lenient in publishing these stupid questions, or rather statements, calling you short, or people who want to marry you. No one cares about things like that! And your editor is awful. I would hope she would choke on her raisins and that you would find something better to do with your time. Your advice, attitude, and mental stability need a serious adjustment. You would do everyone a favor to close this advice column for good.

-Harriet Orkelheim, Harriet's Helpful Hints

Dear Harriet,

All I heard was "Blah blah blah blah blah." And for your information, I do a good job running this, and so does my editor, even if she is a little crazy. No one will want to write to a column called Harriet's Helpful Hints, it's too cheesy!!! And besides, that wasn't even a question you just submitted, Snorkleheimer.

Dear Ed,

Moo

-Moo Cow

Dear Moo Cow,

No more cheese. Just for today, nothing more about cheese.


Will Ed get over being called 'cheese?' Will he receive another letter from his psychotic stalker, Brianna? Will people stop calling him short? Will he get that raisin out of his ear that I put there when he called his editor crazy? Will someone vouch for him against his evil rival, Harriet Orkelheim? Send in your letters to Ed in a review, or to dearedwardelric (at symbol here) yahoo. com! (I'm serious, that's a real e-mail address! Just take out the spaces in between and send away!) You can also e-mail me, the editor, at thatanimegirl (at symbol) yahoo .com (make sure to get rid ofthose spaces... this document won't let me write links, so I have to add the space to let it show up. The link is also on my lookup page). If you want to send a letter to Harriet Orkelheim, send them to my e-mail and… I'll forward them to her (wink wink). Thanks for reading!!!