Chapter Twenty-Nine

August 30, 1976

The pale blue pre-dawn light through the window illuminated the room with a cold glow. Jack was at the edge of sleep, in that dozy serenity of the night, before the day steals it away. He heard the soft sound of Ennis breathing behind him and felt the warmth of his body curled around him. He shifted a little more completely in Ennis's embrace, settled the arm more tightly around him, and pulled it to his chest. As sleep began to take him again, he thought he heard a soft knock at the door. He lifted his head, listening, and it came again.

"Come in," he said, barely above a whisper. Bobby opened the door and padded into the room, his hair and cowboy pajamas rumpled, and went to Jack's side of the bed. "What's the matter, little man?"

"I had a bad dream."

"Come 'ere," Jack said, holding his arms out. Bobby crawled up on the bed and settled into his daddy's arms. "Wanna talk about it?"

Bobby hesitated, then said, "I dreamed we were back in Texas, in our old house, and momma was there," he snuggled closer before going on. "There was a big monster in the garage. It waited an' waited an' waited," his voice dropped to a soft whisper, "an' then it ate momma up."

Jack tightened his arms around Bobby and stroked his hair. "Oh, son, that's a terrible dream."

"I know that ain't what really happened, but it scared me."

"I'm so sorry, son. You wanna just lay here with me fer a while? Or do you want me to tuck you back in your own bed?"

Bobby settled in closer to Jack and said, "Stay here." He fell asleep a few minutes later.

Jack was now too wide awake to sleep, but there was no way he was going to move. His thoughts went back to the trip, the revelations, and the aftermath. Being here, sandwiched between the two people he loved most in the world, made it almost hard to believe. He felt a sharp twist in his heart when he thought of Ennis with Tyler, but forced himself to abandon that line of thought. Wonder if I made the right decision with Tyler? What if he decides to stay? Don't know if any of us can handle that. 'Course, we're all adults and it ain't like they had sex. It was just a kiss. A tiny part of his brain whispered, It was more than just a kiss, but Jack pushed that far, far away. I saw how he handled Tyler when we got back here. Let him know, through his eyes and his actions, that it's over an' done with. But I wonder if I did the right thing, leavin' it up to Tyler? If he stays, we gotta respect that. Gotta make it work out. I ain't worried 'bout Ennis no more. Not really, the tiny voice added. He realized that it would probably take some time before that niggling of doubt left him completely.

Jack thought about Ennis's admission that he realized he really was gay. His heart filled with love and joy, just at the thought that Ennis could admit to himself who he really was. It came near to bursting, knowing Ennis loved him. He wondered how this would affect their daily lives, if at all. Obviously, they still had to be careful in public. Just because Ennis found self-awareness, didn't mean the rest of the world did. To most of the country, their love for each other was still something to be horrified and disgusted about. Why can't they just let us live our lives the way we want. Ain't nobody's business but ours.

This line of thought lead to worry about the upcoming court hearings. Truth was, their way of living and loving would probably have an affect on his chances for gaining custody of his own son. My own son. Goddamn bastard L.D. If it weren't fer him, there'd be no battle at all.

"What's wrong?" Ennis whispered in his ear.

"What?"

"You tensed up all of a sudden."

"Sorry, I didn't know you were awake."

"Yeah. Heard Bobby come in."

"I was just thinkin' about, you know, court an' stuff."

Ennis tightened his arm around Jack's chest and put a kiss on the back of his neck."

"Try not t'worry, Jack."

"I'm tryin'. Ain't really workin', though."

They fell silent. After a while, Jack, who'd been wide awake, started to drift off again. He heard even breathing behind him and knew Ennis had gone back to sleep, too. His last conscious thought was, I'm so happy here.

Jack opened his eyes and found himself looking into a set of large, blue eyes that were a perfect reflection of his own.

"I'm hungry."

"How long've you been awake?"

"Coupla minutes."

"If you're hungry, go downstairs. Maybe Kelly's here already an' she can help ya. I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Okay." Bobby hopped off the bed and went to the door. Before he went through, though, he looked back and said, "I love you, daddy."

"I love you, too, son."

Jack turned over and found himself looking into another pair of eyes–this time they were the color of dark honey. "I thought you woulda been up hours ago. We been gone fer over a week."

"I know. I wanted to stay here with you, though. I guess I better get up and get going, though. Now that you mention it, I do want to check on everything. I'm sure the boys did a fine job while we were gone, but . . ." he trailed off. "Well, guess I better get moving." He started to rise, then turned back and kissed Jack.

Jack laid back and watched Ennis walk to the bathroom before getting up himself.


Beau walked into the kitchen as Ennis and Jack were eating breakfast. "Morning. Isn't Tyler coming today?" he asked.

"He's not here?" Jack asked.

"Nope, haven't seen him."

"I guess he ain't comin'," Jack said, taking a drink of coffee and glancing at Ennis, who hadn't looked up from his plate of eggs, toast, and bacon.

"There's some shingles loose on the barn. We were planning on fixing them today," Beau said.

"I guess you an' I'll halfta work on it," Ennis said. He drained his cup and stood up. "Come on, we best get to it."

There was a quick knock at the door and it opened almost immediately. "Hello?" Dwayne poked his blonde head in.

"What are you doing here?" Jack asked, smiling at Dwayne and the matching blonde head that followed him in.

"We're just packing to leave and since we didn't get to see you at all last week, we thought we'd stop in to say good-bye."

"When are you boys leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Are you gonna come back and visit?" Bobby asked.

"Of course we are!" Dayle said.

Dwayne drifted over to Kelly and said softly, "Are we still on for tonight?"

She smiled, "Yes."

"I'll pick you up at six, okay?"

"Okay."

There was another knock on the door. Jack looked around as he went to answer it and said, "What's going on around here today?" He opened the door. "Oh, hey Dr. Frederick. What are you doing here today?" He opened the door to let their veterinarian in.

"Just the monthly check up."

"Oh, I guess we fergot." Jack glanced back at Ennis, who was already moving toward the door, followed by Beau. "I'll be out in a little bit," Jack said.


That night Jack fell into bed, tired from a hard days work. He lay in the dark, listening to the sound of Ennis breathing beside him.

"Never did get to that barn roof," Ennis said. "Have to do it tomorrow."

"At least it don't look like rain."

"That's true."

Ennis's breathing slowed and became even, but, tired as he was, Jack couldn't sleep. He wondered about Tyler and if he'd indeed decided not to come back to the farm. Ennis hadn't mentioned him all day, but Jack had the feeling that he'd thought about it. Jack had told him he'd left the decision up to Tyler, but he still wondered if that'd been the right decision. Can't worry about it now, though, it's already done.


The kiss went on and on, until Kelly drew back. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'm gonna miss you, too." Dwayne sighed, "How come it took us so long to find each other? We've known each other since kindergarten."

A mischievous smile crossed Kelly's face. "Because it took you that long to grow up, silly."

Dwayne smiled back at her. "I guess you're right." He was silent for a while, then said, "But Duluth isn't that far. I'll come home all the time and if you could come to Duluth sometimes, if you want, I mean."

"Of course I will."

"Still, I am going to miss you."

"I know."

The heavy sounds of kissing and breathing filled the car again.


"Kelly, have you seen Tyler the past couple of days?"

"No. I was thinking about stopping to talk to his dad tonight and see where he's been."

"Maybe you could let us know, if you find out anything, that is," Jack said.

"Sure Jack. Are you going outside? I made some lemonade for Ennis and Beau. Would you take it out to them?"

"Sure."

Jack took the jar of lemonade and some plastic glasses and headed out the door. On the way to the barn, he watched Ennis stand up, looking into the woods, almost as if he was looking at something, before he lost his balance and fell. Jack watched in horror as Ennis slid down the steep roof, fell off the edge and lay still. Jack dropped the jar and glasses and ran to Ennis, his heart in his throat, his mind screaming against what he'd witnessed. Beau, who'd been at the top of the ladder, was already kneeling at his side when he skidded to his knees next to Ennis.

Beau's eyes met Jack's. "He's breathing, but . . ."

Jack looked down. There was a large rock embedded in the ground and it appeared that Ennis had hit it in the worst possible place. There was blood seeping from a wound on the back of his head and he was unconscious. "Call the ambulance. And hurry up." Beau jumped up and ran to the house as Jack tore off his shirt and put it under Ennis's head, to stop the flow of blood. Jack looked back down at Ennis, the beloved face had lost all color and his breathing was shallow. "Oh, darlin', baby, please, please be okay." Jack closed his eyes and put his forehead to Ennis's, as if this familiar gesture would bring the life back to him. A moment later, he heard running footsteps approaching and raised his head.

Beau was on his way back, followed by Kelly. "They'll be here in a few minutes."

"What was he doing, Beau?" Jack asked.

"He said something about seeing someone in the trees. I guess that's why he stood up, to get a better look."

Kelly knelt by Ennis and took his hand in hers, tears flowing down her cheeks as she fought to control the sobs that threatened to escape. Beau put his arm around her. "He's gonna be okay."

Even though he knew it was only moments later, to Jack it felt like an hour had gone by before they heard the wail of the ambulance. Beau went to direct them back to the barn. Jack and Kelly stepped back as the EMT's put a neck brace on Ennis and strapped him to the backboard and then lifted him onto the cart and up in to the back of the ambulance. Jack followed them. The EMT in front of him turned to stop him, took one look at his face, and let him up with them.

"We'll follow you," Beau said, his arm around Kelly again. Jack just nodded.

The EMT who'd been in front of Jack introduced himself as George Nichols and the other EMT in the back was Jane Mattson. "Does he have a regular doctor?"

"He hasn't been to the doctor since we been here. Nancy Nelson, I guess."

George nodded, continuing to take Ennis's vitals down on his clipboard. The driver radioed the hospital to let them know they were approaching and the backed in. Jack hopped out and watched George and Jane lift Ennis out of the back of the ambulance and wheel him into the hospital. Nancy met them at the door.

"Jack! What happened?"

"He fell off the barn roof and hit his head on a rock." Seeing a familiar face nearly made Jack break down, but he took a deep, shaky breath.

Nancy was already examining Ennis. "We're gonna take him in and stitch this up, take an x-ray. You wait in this waiting room and I'll find you as soon as I know anything.

Jack just nodded and stepped into the waiting room. It was a small, quiet room. He looked around in a daze, feeling himself on the verge of losing control again. All the 'what if's' started making their way through his mind, but were cut off by sounds behind him. He turned as Kelly and Beau came into the room. Kelly went right to him and put her arms around him. That was all it took and he was crying. He tried to stop, but the thought of losing Ennis was so overpowering that he couldn't control himself for many long moments. Finally, he took a long, shaky breath and wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry, honey."

"Don't apologize, Jack. Do you know anything yet?"

"No, Nancy was here and she said she'd come tell me when she knows something."

"Here, Jack." Beau handed him a styrofoam cup of steaming coffee. Holding the warm cup in his shaking hands brought a strange sense of calm to him. They sat in the padded chairs, not speaking.

Finally, Nancy came back in the room and sat next to Jack. "Well, we stitched up the cut on his head and did an x-ray. He's fractured his skull and there's some swelling that we're monitoring. Nothing else appears to be broken, but he's still unconscious. We're settling him into a room in the ICU. You can visit in a few minutes. I think he's going to be okay, Jack, but we won't know more until he wakes up."

"When will that be?"

"I don't know. My best guess is that he should wake up sometime tonight or even as late as tomorrow. But, I have to be honest with you, it could be longer. He hit his head pretty hard, and, like I said, there's been some swelling."

"But . . . but he's not gonna die?" Jack asked.

"Nothing is certain, Jack, but I don't think so. We're gonna do our best for him. Come on," she stood up, "I'll take you to his room."

Jack followed her down the hall and through a set of large, wooden doors, that had 'Intensive Care Unit' written above them in large letters. He followed her into a room to the right of the main door, but stopped at the doorway. Ennis was in the bed, his head bandaged by a large, white bandage, his face pale and drawn. His t-shirt and button-down shirt, jeans, and boots had all been removed and Jack could see he was in a dull hospital gown. It didn't look like Ennis. Ennis, who was so full of life, especially around him. He remembered the wry, half-smiles that said so much more than words, the sparkling brown eyes that ranged from dark chocolate to sweet honey, depending on his mood, and tried to reconcile that person with this still, pale person in the narrow hospital bed.

Nancy put her arm around him and drew him into the room. "He'll be okay, Jack. I'm sure of it."

"I know, I know, it's just . . . so hard."

"I know. I'll leave you here for a few moments. I'll let them know at the desk that you're to be treated as family and can come in whenever you want."

"I am his family," Jack said.

"I know, dear, I know that, but not everyone does. I'll leave you alone now."

Jack went to the side of the bed and took Ennis's hand in his. "Ennis, please, you have to wake up and get better. I don't know what I'll do without ya, bud. I need you. Remember, you're my north star." He leaned down and touched Ennis's lips with his, in a soft kiss, then ran his fingers along the side of his face. "Please, baby." He stood there for a long time, but Ennis didn't open his eyes. He stood there for a long time.

A while later, Jack walked back to the waiting room and found Kelly and Beau still there.

"How is he, Jack?" Kelly asked.

"The same. Still unconscious."

"I called Ellen McIntyre and asked her to keep Bobby. I told her it'll probably be for the whole night. I told her what happened, but asked her not to tell Bobby, because I wasn't sure if you'd want to tell him yourself."

"Thanks, honey." Jack ran his hands over his face, "Oh, shit. I'm gonna halfta call his girls and Alma." He sat down, suddenly completely drained of energy. "And the farm. I have a buyer coming tomorrow morning. I don't want to leave here, though." He sighed. "Beau, could you take care of the animals tonight and," he hesitated, "could you find Tyler and see if he can meet with the buyer, maybe help out fer a few days. He knows what to do. I don't know what he's decided about working there anymore, but I assumed he decided not to come back. If he don't want to, I understand, but, well, we sure could use his help."

"Sure, Jack. We'll stop at his house on the way home."

"I'll come by later and bring you some supper, Jack. I'm sure my mom will want to come, too. She sure has taken a liking to you and Ennis," Kelly said.

"I don't know if I'll be able to eat anything," Jack said.

"That's okay, I'll come anyway. You have to eat something."

"All right. I'm going back to his room." He stood and left. There was a nurse in the room when he entered, taking Ennis's blood pressure. "Any change?" he asked.

"No, I'm afraid not." She finished and wrote in his chart. "I'll be back in a little bit to check on him again. You can pull that chair next to his bed, if you want to sit closer."

Jack smiled at her, his charming grin faded by his worry, and said, "Thanks, I think I will." He pulled the chair next to Ennis's bed and sat down. He looked at Ennis's hand, laying on top of the rough, white blanket, the blue plastic bracelet with his name typed on it looking foreign on the tan skin. His long fingers, calloused by hard work and the fine hairs that feathered along the side of his hand, so familiar to Jack. Tears came to his eyes as he thought of those hands, chopping wood, controlling a horse, running gently down Jack's arm or cheek. Jack took that hand in his and held it tight, running his thumb over the knuckles, gently, willing all of his own strength into Ennis. He stayed that way for a long time.