Chapter Thirty

September 1, 1976

Jack found Kelly and Alice in the waiting room, a basket at their feet. As soon as she saw him, Alice stood and hugged him. "How're you doing?"

"Not too good, right now," he said.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I've been praying for Ennis ever since Kelly told me what happened."

"Thanks, Alice, I, I mean, we, appreciate that."

"Here Jack, we brought you some supper."

"I don't know if I can eat anything."

"Come on, just a little. You have to keep your strength up."

"All right," Jack agreed.

Alice took out a plate and put a cold chicken sandwich on it, then added some strawberries, raw carrots, and potato chips, while Kelly went looking for a soda machine. She brought him back a coke. Jack ate, barely tasting any of it.

"Will they let us see him?" Alice asked.

"I don't know. You can ask."

"Do you want one of us to stay with you?"

"No, I'm gonna finish eating, you guys go ahead."

Alice and Kelly went down the hall and talked to the nurse. She reluctantly agreed to let them in for a few minutes.

Jack finished his meal, then stood at the window, looking out, but not seeing anything. He was still standing there when the women re-entered the room. Alice quietly cleaned up the remains of Jack's meal, while Kelly stood next to him, took his hand, and put her head on his shoulder.

Jack cleared his throat and looked down at her. "Did you and Beau talk to Tyler?"

"No, Russell said he hasn't been home for a couple days. He said Tyler probably went into the woods. He does that sometimes–goes out to be alone, to think. But Beau said he'd try to handle the buyer in the morning, if Tyler doesn't show up."

"Oh, all right. Thanks, Kelly. And thank you both, for bringing me supper. I'm gonna go back t'the room now."

"Try to get some sleep tonight, Jack," Kelly said, giving him a hug.

Alice hugged him next. "You let us know if you need anything." She put her hand on his cheek and looked into his sad eyes. "We'll stop again tomorrow."


Tyler was surrounded by the tall red pine trees and the paper birches that seemed to glow in the light of the fire. The stars above sparkled like silver glitter against the black velvet of the clear night sky. He'd done a lot of thinking, a lot of soul searching today. His heart felt bruised and raw, naked and exposed. He knew, however, that it was time to make amends. It was time to say good-bye.

He stood up and stepped away from the fire, a large eagle feather in one hand, a small clay bowl in the other. The bowl contained the sacred herbs: sage, sweetgrass, tobacco, and cedar, and a fragrant smoke drifted up from the herbs in a lazy, sibilant path. He faced the east and moved the feather over the smoke, towards himself. He turned in a slow circle, continuing to cleanse himself in the smoke. He cleared his mind and felt the bad feelings and negative energy slowly seep out of him. He thought of Ennis willed his mind to release himself from his feelings of sexual love. He could never completely erase the love he felt for Ennis, but he could control it and make it the same as the affection he held for his close friends. It would be hard, but this was a step he knew he needed to take. He completed the circle and felt the smoke enter his body, his mind, and his spirit. When he was done, he lay next to the fire and continued to nurture the spiritual cleansing until he the fire died down and he fell asleep.

Tyler woke early and cleaned up his camp, making sure the fire was out and the rest of the area cleaned of all signs of man. He rolled up his sleeping bag and hiked out of the forest, a new sense of purpose clear in his mind. He was going to talk to Rusty Anderson, the owner of the feed store. He'd offered Tyler a job a few weeks ago and he was going to find out if it was still available. He also decided he was going to the community college to sign up for classes. He felt a sense of almost relief and excitement–like he was starting a new journey. The thought of Ennis crossed his mind, but he pushed it away, determined to stick to his resolve.

After a long shower, he called Rusty and agreed to start at the feed store the next Monday. Tyler then realized he should go out to the farm and tell Jack and Ennis what he'd decided. He knew he should have called them before, to let them know he wasn't coming to work the last couple days, but at the time, his heart was so wounded, all he could focus on was getting away, close to nature, where he could clear his head and heart. With that accomplished, he was ashamed at how foolish he'd been, but was determined to make amends.

He pulled into the driveway of the farm and noticed Beau's motorcycle and a big fancy truck and trailer. Looks like a buyer. He parked by Beau's bike and went to the door and knocked. There was no answer, which was unusual. Where's Kelly? he wondered. Must be running an errand. He walked back to the barn and was surprised to find Beau alone with the man in a fancy cowboy shirt and dark jeans.

"Tyler, I'm so glad you're here!" Beau said, a tight smile on his face and relief clear in his pale blue eyes. "This is Mr. Aames. Can you help him? He's here to pick up his horse."

"Um, sure, Beau. Where are Ennis and Jack?"

"We can talk about it after. This won't take long, right?"

"No, no, of course not." Tyler took over, while Beau followed along, listening and contributing when he could.

When Mr. Aames left, Beau lead Tyler to one of the benches where they both sat down. "Ennis had an accident yesterday."

"What? Is he okay?"

"He fell off the barn roof and hit his head. He's in the hospital. He's still unconscious."

Tyler just looked at him for a minute before asking, "Is he going to be all right? What does the doctor say?"

"She just isn't sure."

"I see." He swallowed hard and took a deep breath against the panic rising in the back of his throat.

"Jack wanted me to ask if you can work for a few days."

"Yeah, sure. I was here to tell them that I found another job, but I can help out, of course, of course." They were silent for a long time.

"How are you doing? Last time I saw you things seemed a little rough."

Tyler hesitated before replying, "I'm okay, with all of that. I guess you probably figured out that I had, well, some pretty deep feelings for Ennis. I know he felt something, too," he said softly, but didn't explain further. "Jack talked to me and made it clear that he and Ennis had worked things out–that their love is stronger than ever. It's inspiring, really." A wry, sad smile crossed his face. "I did a lot of thinking and realized I had to get control of my feelings. Anyway, he left it up to me to keep working here or not. I needed some time to think, so I went out into the woods. I can think better there . . ." he trailed off, his eyes soft.

"Where'd you go?"

"A few miles from my dad's house. Near Deer Lake."

"Is that close to here?"

"No, it's probably around ten miles from here. Why?"

"No reason–just wondering. So, what happened?"

"I did a lot of thinking, a lot of soul-searching, a lot of cleansing, and I realized the best thing to do was to find somewhere else to work and I decided to start at the community college next quarter. I got a job at the feed store."

"Good for you, man." Beau got a thoughtful look on his face. "So, if you're staying around here, maybe we can get together sometimes?"

"Yeah, I'd like that. But . . ." he hesitated.

"What?"

"I just . . . I like you a lot, Beau, but I don't know if I'm ready to, you know, get involved with anyone right now."

"Sure, I understand. I was just thinking we could hang out, grab a beer once in a while."

"Oh, yeah. That'd be great," Tyler said, his eyes far away.

"Well, we'd better get to work. What needs to be done first?" Beau asked.

"Um, I guess the horses stalls need to be cleaned." He stood up and started towards the end of the stalls, then turned back. "I'll be right back, okay?" He went out the door, around the corner, and bent over, breathing hard. He stayed like that for a few minutes, praying that Ennis would be all right.


Jack drove into the driveway in the early afternoon and put his head down on the steering wheel. He'd stopped at McIntyres and talked to Bobby about Ennis. Bobby seemed calm, but Jack could tell he was close to tears. Ellen was going to bring him by later to pick up some clothes for a few days and Jack promised Bobby he'd stop or call every day, and for sure he'd call when Ennis woke up.

He raised his head and looked around, not wanting to make the call to Wyoming. Junior and Franny adored their daddy. He didn't want to be the one to have to call them, but who else could it be? There was no one. He got out of the car and walked tiredly up the steps and didn't stop until he was in his office. Jack found the number, written in Ennis's messy handwriting. Seeing that almost brought tears to his eyes, but he took a deep breath, willed them away, and dialed the number. The phone rang four times before it was finally picked up.

"Hello?" It was Alma.

"Alma, this is Jack Twist."

"Jack," the cool way she said his name chilled Jack over the phone line.

"Alma, sorry to call you, but Ennis was in an accident."

"Is he okay?" she asked, some of the coolness replaced by genuine concern.

"Well, yesterday he fell off the barn roof and hit his head on a rock. Hit it pretty hard. He hasn't woke up since."

"Oh, no," Alma breathed, tears in her voice. Jack got the sudden feeling that Alma really loved Ennis, or did at one time.

"Sorry I didn't call yesterday. I was hopin' he'd wake up afore I had t'call you and the girls, but he hasn't an' I didn't wanna wait any longer. Thought you'd wanna know."

"Yeah, I . . . I'm glad you called."

"D'you want me to talk to Junior and Franny?"

"No, o' course not. I'll tell them." Some of the coolness returned.

"Sure, course you will."

"You'll call, though, as soon as he wakes up, or . . ." she didn't finish.

"Yes, ma'am, I will."

"Thank you."

There was a silence over the line until Jack said, "Well, I'll keep you updated."

"Thanks, Jack. Bye."

"G'bye." Jack hung up the phone and looked out the window. The barn and the stable, so neat and orderly, the paddock and outer pastures, so tidy and calm looking. It was theirs, the dream they had, the dream he'd nurtured for years, come true. This can't be the end of it, he thought. Ennis will be all right and he'll come home and I'll get fuckin' L.D. out of our lives and things will finally be just the way they should be. Right? I'm sure of it, he thought, but deep in his heart, there was doubt, no matter how hard he tried to hide from it. Jack shook his head and turned. He was going to take a shower, change clothes, and go back to the hospital. He didn't want to be gone when Ennis woke up.

Nancy was in Ennis's room when he returned. "How is he?" Jack asked.

She sighed, "He's still not awake. I think we have to face the fact that he's in a coma, Jack. There's a new scale for testing patients who may be in a coma, the Glasgow Coma Scale. It measures eye, verbal, and motor response."

"Motor response?"

Nancy smiled, "Motor, in this case, means physical reactions, like to pain. I've just finished assessing Ennis and, at this point, he appears to be in the moderate to severe range."

The color drained from Jack's face. "Moderate to severe? What does that mean? Is he going to die?"

"No. It's very likely that he'll wake up. His injury doesn't appear to be that critical, but with head injuries, well, sometimes it's hard to tell. He could wake up today or two weeks from today. Or, Jack," her voice softened, "he might never wake up."

"Oh God," he sobbed, his hands moving to cover his face, his knees no longer able to support him. Nancy put her arm around him and led him to the chair.

"Jack, that's unlikely. I expect him to wake up soon. Honestly. I'm sure he's going to be okay."

He wiped his eyes and looked up at her. "Yer not just sayin' that t'make me feel better? 'Cause I want the truth."

"No, I'm not just saying that, Jack. I fully expect him to wake up. I just wanted you to be aware of all the possibilities. Do you want me to stay with you for a while? Or send in a nurse?"

"No, I'd like to be alone with him."

"All right. The nurse will be in after a while to take his vitals, but in the meantime, it might help if you talk to him, Jack. Let him know you're here. I think that helps. I really think coma patients can hear us talk to them." Jack didn't say anything, just nodded to let her know he'd heard. "I'll be back in a little while, too." She started to turn, then stopped and leaned down to hug him. He clung to her for a moment, then let go and his eyes went to Ennis.

Jack stood and took Ennis's hand in his and looked down at the still face. He didn't say anything at first, just watched for movement, prayed to see the eyes open, but it didn't happen. "Ennis, darlin', if you can hear me, please wake up. Please . . . I can't stand the thought of living . . . without you." He stopped, his heart in his throat. He leaned down to put his mouth close to the delicate ear and whispered, "I love you, Ennis, with all my heart." After a while, he sat back down and fell asleep in the chair, Ennis's hand still enclosed tightly in his.


And so the week went. Each day became a quiet nightmare mirror of the day before. Jack spent the night in the hospital, sleeping in the chair next to Ennis's bed, then home in the morning to shower and change, check in with Kelly and the friends that had called, check on the farm, talk to Beau, and sometimes Tyler, then over to McIntyres to visit Bobby, and back to the hospital. Ellen brought Bobby in to have his cast removed and Jack took them out to lunch, then he returned to Ennis's room. The nurses, for the most part, were understanding and sympathetic and those that weren't didn't come back. Jack was pretty sure Nancy, or Dr. Nelson, as the nurses all knew her as, had a big hand in that. On the seventh day, there was a change in the routine. Anna Grant requested that Jack come in to her office to work on their case.

"Jack, do you want me to request a continuance, until Ennis wakes up?"

Jack sighed. "No, I don't really want to do that. I just want to get this over with."

"Are you sure you're going to be up to it? A trial can be extremely stressful and, well, I don't know if you can handle it. I don't know if anyone could handle it in your situation."

"Anna, I just want it over with." He was silent for a while, then asked, "How long before I have to decide?"

"Of course, the sooner the better, but we can wait–see what happens." She handed him a stack of papers. "Here, why don't you take these with you and go over them at the hospital. Those are the affidavits L.D.'s lawyer sent. Make notes on them. Look for information that isn't correct. We have to reply in a few days, so can you come back in, say, day after tomorrow, to get it typed up?"

"Sure. What time?"

"I'll be in all afternoon, Jack, just come in when you feel like it."

"Okay. Thanks, Anna."

"And Jack? Maybe you should take a night off, sleep in your own bed."

"I can't."

"If there's any change, the hospital will call you–"

"No, you don't understand. I can't sleep in my bed, our bed, without him. Not now, not like this." He stopped and looked away, unable to continue.

Anna's eyes filled with tears, seared by his pain.

Jack sat in the hospital room, his blue eyes dark with pain, his shoulders slumped, his dark hair disheveled. He stood and stretched and decided to go track down a cup of coffee. He glanced down as he started to turn and found a familiar pair of chocolate brown eyes staring back up at him. He blinked and looked back and found Ennis's eyes closed. He leaned close and said, "Ennis?" He touched the pale cheek, but the eyes didn't open and Ennis didn't move. Did I imagine it? Am I seeing things? Am I losing my fuckin' mind? He sat back down, unwilling to leave. He tried to stay awake, but his exhaustion was too great and before long, his head was bobbing and finally, he fell into a restless sleep.