Chapter Thirty-Two

September 13, 1976

"I sure wish I could be there with you, Jack."

Jack ran his thumb over Ennis's knuckles. "Yer tan's fadin', cowboy."

"Jack? You okay?"

"Mm hm."

"You hear me?"

Jack shifted a bit; he was seated on the edge of Ennis's hospital bed. "I wish you could come with, too, Ennis, but you heard Nancy. She wants you t'stay here fer a few more days, make sure yer really okay. Even I can see you ain't ready t'go home yet."

"I know, but I hate t'think o'you havin' t'face that bastard L.D. alone."

Jack ran his hand over Ennis's hair, still marveling at the strange sensation, the prickliness tickling his fingers. Ennis closed his eyes and tightened his fingers in Jack's. "I'll be fine."

"Don't let him push you around."

Jack smiled down at Ennis, his eyes soft with tenderness. "I won't. Don't you lay here worryin', either. I'd feel terrible if I came back and found you was back in a coma."

A weak smile crossed Ennis's lips. "Don't even joke about that, Jack."

Jack leaned down and kissed him, said sorry with their lips still pressed together. He sat back up just as the door opened and Molly, the usual morning nurse, entered the room. Jack felt Ennis tense up. He was still uncomfortable and unsure of how things should be between them in front of others. It seemed a little surreal to him that Jack had been sleeping here, holding his hand, maybe even kissing him, when there were other people, some of them strangers, in the room. It made him uncomfortable and, at the same time, filled him with a sense of wonder and hope.

"Hey, guys. How're you this morning?" Molly asked, a cheerful smile on her pretty lips.

She was greeted with two weak grins. "Fine."

Her brow crinkled. "You don't look fine. What's going on today? Why're you so dressed up, Jack? You sure do look handsome." Ennis recognized the look of adoration that came into Molly's blue eyes.

"I have to go to court today. My father-in-law is tryin' to get custody of my son. My wife died a few months ago."

A look of confusion and interest passed through Molly's features and Ennis imagined she was trying to figure things out in her mind, but she had the good manners not to press for more information and changed the subject. "Well, when you get back, Ennis will be in a different room. He's moving out of the ICU today to a regular room."

"What does that mean?"

"It means he's doing well," she said, her eyes sparkling.

Jack smiled down at Ennis and squeezed his fingers.

Molly took his blood pressure and pulse, recorded it in the chart, and left the room.

"I better get going," Jack said.

"Wait," Ennis said, and pulled him close. He looked into Jack's eyes, so big and clear. "Jack, I wanted to say . . ." his voice faltered, so he swallowed and tried again. "I want ya t'know . . . I'm glad you were here with me all this time. Sometimes, even though it was like I was asleep, I knew you were here with me. I could feel yer hand in mine, could hear ya talkin' t'me." He raised his hand to Jack's cheek and rested it there. "Made me want t'wake up and see this beautiful face."

Jack's throat closed up. "Ennis." He looked into the dark brown eyes, saw clear through to the soul within the man and was overwhelmed with emotion. He felt like was going to fly apart, into a million pieces.

"Jack. I love you."

Jack blinked. The strength of those words brought a calmness over him, like a warm blanket on a cold night. He smiled wide, his thousand-watt, just-for-Ennis grin that crinkled his eyes in the most adorable way. "I love you, too." He kissed Ennis, making it deep and soft and sweet, then stood up. "I gotta go." He squeezed Ennis's fingers one last time and walked out the door.

Outside the door, he suddenly felt weak. He leaned against the wall and scrubbed his hand down his face.

"Jack? Are you okay?"

"Oh, hey, Nancy, I didn't see you."

"That's okay, but really, are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Just gets to be a little too much, ya know?"

"I know, dear." She put her hand on his arm and rubbed it gently, soothingly. "Anna told me what's going on today. I hope it goes well, Jack."

"Yeah, me too."

"Did Molly tell you that we'll be moving Ennis? Probably before you get back."

"Yeah, she did."

"I'm putting him in a private room, Jack."

"Thanks, Nancy." Jack looked up at her finally. "Can I ask you something? Something sorta personal?"

"Sure."

"You and Anna been together fer a long time. And you got kids. Did anyone ever try t'take 'em from you?"

"No." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Do you have a couple minutes, Jack?" He nodded. "Let's go to my office." He followed her down the hall, out to the main part of the hospital, and into a small, neat office. He took a seat across from her. "Jack, I've always known I was attracted to women. The reason I have my sons is because, in college, I was raped." Jack's eyes widened, but she was calm and went on. "I decided against an abortion, to keep the baby, which turned out to be twins. I had already met Anna and she was a part of that decision. We raised Dwayne and Dayle as ours, from the very beginning and no one ever came after them for custody. That doesn't mean we didn't wage other battles, however. There were people in the community who thought we shouldn't have them. Thought we'd corrupt them with our evil ways. I think they turned out pretty good, though." A gentle smile crossed her face, her eyes far away.

"Nancy, I'm so sorry."

"Thanks, Jack. It was a terrible thing, I'm not saying it wasn't, but I wouldn't have two amazing sons if it hadn't happened. I've come to realize that the most precious things in life, the things that make life worth living, are sometimes the hardest won. For example, you know by now that Minnesota has a lot of swamps and marshes. If you go down to the bottom you'll find muck and mud and scum, but what comes out of that? Lily pads and water lilies. I think water lilies are the most beautiful flowers on earth, in spite of where they come from. To me, my sons are like those water lilies. So beautiful and so perfect, no matter where they came from."

Jack just sat there for a moment, considering what she'd said, then stood up. "I better get going. I don't wanna be late."

Nancy came around the desk and put her arms around him, wrapping him in a hug. "Good luck today, Jack."

"Thanks, Nancy."


Jack stood at the top of the stairs, looking out the window at the town. A railroad track ran right through town, cutting it in half. A grocery store and a couple of gas stations were in front of the window, on each side of the tracks. Further out, he could see a river, the Mississippi, which also ran right through town, powered the paper mill where a lot of the men worked. The paper mill gave the air a strange smell on hot summer nights, which he and Ennis had discovered on the rare occasion they'd been in town late. He was stirred from his revery when he heard footsteps on the stairs. Anna's dark head appeared, her straight, glossy hair tucked behind her delicate ears, as usual. She was dressed in a dark skirt and jacket, with a white blouse beneath. She looked like she meant business today, which made Jack feel a little calmer.

"Good morning, Jack."

"Morning, Anna."

"You ready for today?"

"No."

"Well, I am, so come on." She lead him down the hall to the small conference room they'd used before. "Today should go smoothly. We'll try to settle one last time before the trial, exchange witness lists and the last of the discovery documents. There shouldn't be any problems."

"I'm sure L.D. will try to make problems."

"Let him try." There was a knock at the door and Jack could see Rick Lawson, L.D.'s lawyer, through the small glass window.

"Hello, Ms. Grant, Mr. Twist. I have some documents for you." He handed her a stack of papers and a large manilla envelope. "Can we talk for a moment?"

"Sure. I'll be right back, Jack." She took a stack of papers from the table and handed it to Rick, then followed him out the door.

Jack sat and waited, but it didn't take long for Anna to return. "They wanted to know if we'd settle for Newsome's being granted custody, if you were granted liberal visitation. I told him no. I asked for the same thing, but of course they turned it down."

"Is L.D. here? I don't hear him out there."

"Yes, he's here. Rick's keeping him under control, for the moment. Faye isn't here, though. She had a health problem, he didn't say what, and couldn't come. He informed the judge yesterday and the judge apparently said it was okay. She'll have to be here for the trial, though, or ask for it to be continued."

"God, I hope that doesn't happen. I can't hardly stand this much longer, Anna."

"I know, dear." Jack was reminded that Nancy had called him the same thing earlier. He thought of her strength and knew Anna must have the same iron in her and it shamed him that he sounded so weak. "But if it does happen, I ain't givin' in. I'll wait, no matter how long it takes."

Anna smiled at him. "Let's not jump ahead. It might not be anything too serious. Come on, let's go to the courtroom."

Jack followed her, carrying the stack of papers Rick had given them. Rick and L.D. were already seated at one of the tables in the courtroom, so they took the other one. L.D. gave Jack a look of pure venom, his beady eyes gleaming dark with malice.

"Are we ready?" the bailiff asked. At Anna's nod, he disappeared through a door in the back of the courtroom, only to reappear a few moments later, followed by the court reporter. "All rise." The judge came through the door next and took his seat at the bench. "Here ye, here ye, the ninth judicial district court is now in session, the honorable Judge Ralph A. Lundeen presiding. Please be seated."

"We're here for a pretrial hearing on a custody motion on case FA-76-196. State your appearances," Judge Lundeen said.

"Anna Grant, for the respondent, Mr. Jack Twist, who is seated to my left."

"Richard Lawson, for the petitioners, L.D. and Faye Newsome. Mr. Newsome is seated to my right, but Mrs. Newsome is not available today, Your Honor. Mrs. Newsome has a medical issue and was not able to fly to Minnesota. I did let the Court know yesterday, Your Honor."

"Yes, I recall, Mr. Lawson. That's fine. Will she be available for the trial or will you be asking for a continuance?"

"Your Honor, it's my understanding that she will be available. However, if complications arise, I will let the court know as soon as possible."

"Thank you, Mr. Lawson. Now, have the parties reached an agreement on anything?"

"Your Honor, if I may?" Anna started. She continued at his nod, "We have not. Custody of the minor child, Robert Twist, is still at issue."

"Is this also your understanding, Mr. Lawson?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Ain't ya gonna ask fer him to give us custody right now?" Jack heard L.D. ask.

"Shh. No, it isn't the time for that."

"Mr. Lawson, does your client have a problem?"

"No, sir." Rick put his hand firmly on L.D.'s and stopped him from saying anything further.

"All right, then, I guess I'll see you all back here, including Mrs. Newsome, on September 20 at 9:00 am, ready to proceed. Anything else today?"

"No, Your Honor."

"This hearing is dismissed then. Thank you." He rose and left the courtroom.

Rick Lawson nodded at Anna and Jack, gathered his files and stood. L.D. also stood up and turned to Jack. "Why don't you give up right now, you little pissant? Ain't no way, no way in hell, any court is gonna give custody of a little boy to a cocksucking faggot queerboy like you. Just give up."

Rick turned to L.D. and put his hand on his chest. "L.D., this ain't gonna work. I already told you that."

"Oh, so now my own fuckin' lawyer is fightin' fer the little queerboy. Goddamn lawyers, all a bunch of slimy cocksuckers."

Jack stood up. "L.D., do you think I want my son to be around someone like you–someone with a filthy mouth and a small mind? You're crazy if you think I'd ever willingly give my son over to you."

"You think I want my girl's boy t'be raised by someone like you? Fuckin' faggot. Where's yer cocksucking boyfriend? Why didn't he come today? Think I want my grandson around someone like that?"

"I think Lureen would want Bobby with his daddy."

"It's yer fault my girl's dead! Yer fault, you hear me! I told her not to marry you. I knew there was something wrong with you. Fuckin' queer. Goddamn faggot."

"I'm sorry Lureen's dead, but it wasn't my fault. She made her own choice that night. I felt guilty for it fer a long time, but no more. No more, do you hear me? She made her own choice. I know she was upset, but she coulda done something different. I'm sorry Bobby won't get to grow up with his momma, but I won't let him ferget her." He paused and shook his head. "Thank god she wasn't like you. She was beautiful and smart and sassy and had a good heart. I don't know where she got it from, musta been her momma gave it to her. But she's gone. I'm Bobby's daddy and I ain't givin' him up without a fight. You hear me?"

"You mouthy little cocksucker. I oughta go get that boy right now, afore he learns any more queerboy shit from you."

Rick finally stepped in and hissed to L.D., "That'd be kidnapping, Mr. Newsome and I won't be a part of that. Now, get yourself under control and walk out of this courtroom before the bailiff decides to take you out." The bailiff stepped forward, as if to emphasize the point.

"Fine, fine." He turned and started to leave, then turned back to Jack. "You just wait, though, you fuckin' cocksucker. I'll get that boy. You just wait."

Rick flashed an apologetic glance back at Anna and Jack and followed L.D. out of the courtroom.

Jack sat down, suddenly feeling tired and old beyond his years. Anna gathered all the paperwork and shoved it into her briefcase. "Do you have time to go back to my office and go over these new documents, Jack?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll follow you."

Once there, they started with the envelope. A frown crossed Anna's features as she looked at the stack. "They're photographs." The frown deepened as she began to sift through them. She looked up at Jack, the furrow between her brows so deep Jack's heart skipped a beat. She handed him the stack and he looked at the top one. It was a picture of him and Ennis, arms around each other, lips together, and it was a fairly close shot. The next one was of the same scene, only they were pressed together and Jack's hands were in the back pockets of Ennis's levi's. The next picture was closer yet and he could clearly see Ennis's tongue in his mouth.

Jack put his hand over his mouth and raised his frightened eyes to Anna. "What the hell is this?"

"L.D. obviously had someone taking pictures of you guys. Let's take a look at the witness list." She pulled it off the top of the stack of papers and handed it to Jack. "Do you recognize all those names?"

Jack read through the list, recognizing the names of co-workers, friends of Lureen's, friends of L.D. and Faye. He stopped at one name, surprised to find it there. Maria Calgaro, their friend and neighbor who used to watch Bobby. His eyes traveled down the rest of the list and there was one that stuck out, because he didn't recognize it. John Crater, with an address in Duluth. "I don't know this guy. What's he doing on the list?"

"I think we've just found out who L.D. had spying on you. It looks like John Crater is a private investigator. I'm assuming he's the one who took the pictures."

Jack handed her the list and kept going through the pictures. There were more of him and Ennis kissing, their hands all over each other, in different places: the deck, the porch, the garage, the barn, near the lake, in the trees. His stomach clenched and he had to look away. The thought of someone violating their privacy, intruding in this way, was near unbearable. He handed the stack to Anna and she went through them. After a few minutes, her lips raised in a smile. "Jack, something's missing from these pictures. I mean, they say a lot, but there's a lot they don't say. Or do say, in what's missing." She shook her head at his confused look. "Sorry, what I meant is, not one of these pictures has Bobby in it. And there are no pictures of you guys, you know, having sex. He's probably going to try to prove that you've broken the sodomy law, but he doesn't have any proof of it, unless there's something in the rest of the paperwork he gave me. These pictures, though, don't prove that. It's just you guys kissing, and not in front of Bobby."

"What if he saved them fer later?"

"He can't. If he's got them and he's going to use them he has to give them to us now. Of course, one of his witnesses can testify to seeing you have sex or something like that, but at least there aren't any pictures of it."

Jack groaned and leaned back in his chair. Anna looked at him for a moment, then said, "You know, Jack, I think we should do this another time. I think you should do something to try to relax and forget about it for a while. Come back tomorrow and we'll start fresh, okay?"

"You sure?"

"Yes. Go on. I'll see you tomorrow. One o'clock okay?"

"Sure, Anna. See you then."

"Okay."


Jack went back to the hospital and found out where Ennis's new room was. He opened the door slowly and saw that Ennis was tucked into bed, his eyes closed, his breathing even. Dr. Nelson had said he'd sleep a lot the first few days and he had. He'd actually put up less of a fuss than Jack had expected, which was worrisome in its own way, but Jack didn't think of that right now. His eyes softened as he stood just in the doorway, watching Ennis sleep, his sandy eyelashes like soft feathers against the freckled, flushed cheeks. Ennis shifted in his sleep, his breath hitched, and then his eyes opened slowly.

"Jack?"

Jack stepped forward and leaned down to kiss Ennis.

"How'd it go, bud?"

"Went okay. L.D. was his usual charming self." He smirked. "Faye wasn't there–had some sort of health problem and couldn't fly here from Texas."

"Oh. Any chance L.D. changed his mind?"

"And willingly allow his grandson to be raised by a cocksucking faggot queerboy like me? Not fuckin' likely."

"He didn't call you that at court, did he?"

"Sure did. Not when the judge was there, o'course."

"Oh, Jack, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"I know, Ennis. Look, I'm gonna go pick Bobby up and spend some time with him. I'll be back t'see you later. Hey, I bet I can bring him here with me, now that yer outta the ICU. That is, if ya wanna see him."

"Of course I wanna see him! Jesus christ, Jack," his voice softened, "don't you know by now that I love Bobby, just like he was my own son?"

Jack's eyes filled with tears, tears he'd held in check all morning, finally undone by these sweet words. "I know, bud. I'll bring him by after lunch. You get some rest until then, okay? I don't wanna halfta worry 'bout you anymore."

"I will, darlin'."

Jack leaned down and kissed him, then left the room. A few steps down the hall he realized he hadn't told Ennis about the pictures. He stopped and thought about going back, but didn't move. He knew Ennis would be upset about the pictures and he knew Ennis would upset if he didn't tell him about them right away. Finally, he turned and walked away, deciding to give Ennis a few more hours of peace before dropping that bomb on him.


There was a commotion in the hallway. Ennis leaned forward, even though he was already almost sitting up in bed, supported by the head of the bed being tilted up and a few pillows piled behind him. He heard running feet and then, clear as a bell, heard a loud voice ask, "Where's Ennis? Where's my other daddy's room?" Before Ennis could consider the implications of what he'd heard, the door was flung open and a three and a half foot bundle of energy, full of joy and indignation, jumped onto his bed and wrapped its arms around his neck, almost choking him. "Ennis, I missed you so much! I wanted to come see you so much! And no one would let me!"

Ennis ran his hand up and down Bobby's back. "I missed you too, son. Didn't anyone tell you I was in a special part of the hospital, where kids aren't allowed to visit?" Ennis saw Jack slip into the room and into the chair next to the bed, a wry smile on his face.

"Yeah, daddy and Mrs. McIntyre and Kelly did, but I didn't really believe them. I thought maybe you didn't want t'see me," he replied, his voice small.

"Bobby, that ain't true. Did yer daddy tell you I was asleep fer two whole weeks? I didn't wake up once that whole time. Not once. When I did, I wanted t'see you real bad. You and my girls, but I can't change the rules of the hospital. Anyway, yer here now, son."

Bobby's voice was even softer as he said, "I was so worried, Ennis, I thought you were gonna die, just like my momma."

"I'm all right, now. I ain't in no danger o' dyin'."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure." Ennis leaned back and Bobby went with him, settling himself firmly into Ennis's arms. "What've you been up to while I've been here?"

"Well, I stayed at Danny's house mostly. We built a real neat racetrack fer our cars and we caught some real cool bugs and found a turtle and we named him Ernie, but Mrs. McIntyre made us let it go. We were gonna find another one and name him Bert, you know, like on Sesame Street? But we couldn't find a Bert and Mrs. McIntyre made us let Ernie go. She said it wasn't nice t'keep him cooped up in the bucket we had him in. Hey! I got my cast off, didja know that? Look at my arm, it's smaller than the other one. Dr. Nelson said it'll get t'be the same size as the other one, but I think it's real cool that it's smaller, don't you?" His train of words was stopped by a huge yawn that nearly cracked his face in two. "I ain't been sleepin' too good. I wanna go back t'my own bed at our house. When are you gonna come home, daddy?" He looked up at Ennis as he said this.

Ennis looked into those blue eyes, so familiar, so trusting, and was at a complete loss for words. "Real soon," he finally whispered. Bobby yawned again and tucked his head down onto Ennis's chest.

Ennis looked up and into Jack's eyes, unable to speak. He put his head down on the small, dark head and reached out for Jack's hand. Both he and Bobby fell asleep within minutes and Jack sat there, for a long time, watching them, each breath they took, as dear as his own.