Note: Christina and I do not own Jensen or Jared (although we both wish we did) or the Charmed ones. Also, no Dwarves, hippos, or witches were harmed in the making of this story.

Author's note: This story is totally fictional. None of this ever happened (although we wish some of it did). These are mostly all actual messages we had posted to each other over the course of a few days. I hope you enjoy. Also, I am sorry if we offend anybody, and we apologize ahead of time. Thank you!

Dwarves, hippos, and witches:

I was talking to Christina one day, when we decided we would kidnap Jensen and Jared.

We made up our ingenious, fool proof plan:

Alex (me): ok, so if we are going to do this, we should do it right.

Christina: I agree. We will need help though.

Alex: No. We should be able to do it on our own. But we may need spies for the first part, to make sure we can get them without being caught.

Christina: Yes, ok. goes off to find spies

Alex: Alright. I will get the supplies. goes into garage to find supplies

A few minutes later…

Christina: Ok. Back. I found some good spies. They will keep track of their every move.

Alex: Good. We will strike when the time is right. I'm off to buy smoke bombs and smoke screens.

Christina: Ok. ttyl then.

A few days later, when everything was set…

Alex: Ok. We strike tonight, while they are asleep. There are body guards and video cameras outside, so we will have to be extra careful not to get caught!

Christina: Yes. We will dress all in black, wearing black masks. I will use the smoke bombs when we are dragging the boys out of their rooms. They should be fine once I drug them. They shouldn't wake up for a few hours after that.

Alex: Ok. Good. I will go get Jared, you get Jensen.

Christina: Ok.

Outside Jensen's house (Christina is stuck in Jensen's window)…

Alex: Come on Christina! Hurry!

Christina: I'm trying, but he won't budge!

Alex: shimmies up to window helps pull Jensen out Come on! We have to get going! drags Jensen down with Christina's help

Christina: throws smoke bomb at oncoming guards Ok. Let's put him in the back of the car with Jared. hops in car

Alex: hops in driver's seat and drives off

Back at Alex's house…

Christina: hops out of car Help me bring them inside.

Alex: Ya. Sure. helps pick up Jensen and Jared and drags them inside

Christina: Thanks. ties up Jensen

Alex: No problem. ties up Jared

A few minutes later…

Alex: (has hidden Jared, untied Jensen, and has run off with him.) You will never catch me!

Christina: You bitch! I will get you!

Alex: Never! maniacal laughter takes off with Jensen behind another house

Christina: pulls out grenade and tosses it my direction

Alex: AAHHH! grenade just barley misses, but I'm knocked off my feet

Christina: HA! Jensen, come back!

Alex: You will never get him!

battle continues like this for several minutes

Alex: NO! How did you do that?

Christina: With my invisibility cloak! That's how! holds out cloak for me to see

Alex: runs up and grabs cloak Ha! grabs Jensen and runs off You will never find me!

Christina: Shit! NO! Jensen! Come back! cries

Alex: Feels sorry for Christina, so I give back Jensen, but I take Jared Here, I don't want him anyway.

Christina: is happy Jensen! I missed you!

A lot of happy x-rated moments later, in Alex's bedroom…

Alex: Has Jared tied up on her bed WOW! That was amazing! giggles, and rubs Jared

Meanwhile…

Christina: puts clothes back on I love you Jensen!

Alex: calling to Christina Come on! Jared is making pancakes!

Christina: Ok. unties Jensen Let's go eat lover boy!

In the kitchen…

Alex: Look, Jared made us pancakes! eats pancake Yum! (referring to Jared)

Christina: Jared tastes like pancakes!

Alex: No! pours syrup on Jared But now he might! giggles

Christina: pours chocolate syrup on Jensen MM-mm good!

Alex: Gets out honey and sugar, and pours it on Jared Sweet!

Christina: turns radio on "the weather today is rainy with a slight chance of Alex and Christina fighting over Jensen and Jared"

Alex: grabs chocolate syrup out of Christina's hands and proceeds to pour it over herself

Christina: tries to get chocolate back from you but slips and falls next to you two

Alex: Laughs at you mockingly AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Loser! licks syrup off Jared

Later that day, after the wonderful breakfast syrup fight…

Christina: plays music dances around

Alex: oh ya! puts on louder music and takes of Jared's clothes, and own lol
Christina:proceeds to do the same
runs off with Jensen out of the house and under a bridge

Alex: jumps into pool

Christina: throws rocks at your pool

Alex: I thought u were under a bridge?
Oh well, catches rocks, and throws them back at u

Christina: gets hit in head
is mad
teleports with Jensen into pool
fakes a "its ok, forget it" face

Alex: takes invisibility cloak with Jared under it
runs off to a secluded, woody area

Christina: uses power to read your mind from far away

Later that day…

Alex: hits u in the head, making u pass out
drags u and locks u in a closet
handcuffs Jared and Jensen to each hand and runs off

Christina: wakes up WTF?
looks in pockets
starts banging on the door
AHHHH Michael Myers!
Michael Myers appears and stabs me
"damn!"
is kicked out the closet
"hmm didn't know Michael was..like..that, oh well"

Christina: is trying to leave house but suddenly remembers she glued them shut
slaps self while the song "Don't be stupid" suddenly plays in her head
oh the irony!

Alex:

Christina: starts running around your house looking for stuff that might tell me where you are

The Battle…

Alex: thinksAhahahahaha! I have them both! She will never find me!

5 minutes later…

Christina: Aha! I found you! uses the force to take Jensen off the handcuffs

Alex: NO! You cannot use the force! throws dwarves Go get her! they beat you with sticks

Christina: falls on butt Hey! picks up rocks and throws them at dwarves

Meanwhile, Jensen and Jared are watching, no longer handcuffed to me, but they are watching in awe.

Alex: calls in the Charmed ones "She is trying to kill us! Help!" the Charmed ones use their powers to knock you down dwarves continue beating you with sticks

Christina: picks up a dwarf and tosses it your direction Jensen, I will save you! turns into demonic creature

Alex: RUN!

Christina: Jensen, come back! starts crying turns back into human

Alex: feels sorry for you Go Jensen, she needs you!

Christina: is happy, but mad at you starts throwing rocks at you

Alex: tosses hippo towards you, but it lands on Jensen

Christina: JENSEN!

Alex: JENSEN!

Christina: runs to him

Alex: NO! calls charmed ones, who use their powers to try to heal him

Christina: I hope it works!

Alex: me to!

Several long, agonizing moments later…

Christina: Jensen! You're alive!

Alex: Thank god! I am so sorry!

Christina: I can't believe it! Where's that hippo come from?

Alex: I know! Um…I don't know. thinks It fell from the sky…?

Christina: Whatever. At least I have my baby back! lol

Alex: Ya. That's good. Let's go home.

Christina: Ok

Alex: takes Jared, who was hiding in the bushes Come on. It's all over.

That night, after everything was settled…

Christina: pouts
well the power is out and we can't leave.
tries to find a flash light

starts laughing randomly

Alex: WTF?

Christina: ignores and keeps looking
finds a match, but nothing to light it with
Hmmmm thinks I wonder if Jensen's hot body could light the match

Alex: Snuggles up to Jared

Christina: starts rubbing Jensen with match
nope...it doesn't work
thinks at least the light wasn't on…Alex didn't see what I was doing!
keeps looking

Alex: tickles Jared's feet Jared giggles

Christina: is still looking but gets distracted by Jared's laughter
thinks he has a nice laugh...
gets back to looking
ah ha! I found a flashlight...but no batteries --.
crawls around till she finds the kitchen where there should be batteries

Random Spectator, Leah (who appeared out of nowhere): what did you guys do, drug them?

Christina: thinks of...course...not
hides drugs down the sink
yeah...no drugs...

Alex: …what are you talking about? Of course we used drugs on them! pokes first page

Christina: stops thinking in fear that Leah will know of her dirty thoughts as well
beware of the Leah!

Alex: beware of the Leah!
Yes! Beware! Lol hugs Jared

Christina: finally finds batteries
turns on light
I think were gonna be here for a long time
looks at glue on door
Maybe we could burn the glue off...
Jensen and Jared look at each other
Both: Did somebody say Burn?

Alex: ha! Burn!

picks up candles from counter and proceeds to light them

Christina: burns house down on accident --
I should of thought about it!
think but than Leah would of known you wanted to light the candle
argues back in head
well that's what I wanted to do!
Jensen gives me that "are you crazy" look

Alex: You Bitch! You burnt my house down!

Christina: It's still thundering outside...
goes along to find shelter

Alex: grabs umbrellas and invisibility cloak

takes off with Jared

Christina: watches Alex's footsteps in the mud
transforms into a wolf and follows her

Alex: magically grows wings and flies off with Jared, both still under the cloak

Christina: turns back into a girl
No Jensen, I am not a werewolf!
thinks that's what I get for dating a supernatural hunter. but oh well.

Alex: Ha! You'll never catch me now!

Christina: Looks at Alex
is that a...
moves with Jensen before an anvil drops on top of me
starts running like flash to catch up with you when you land

Alex: Who says I will land anywhere near you?

flies off to the mountain top with Jared

You'll never find me!

Christina: is still looking for Alex
pulls out scope

Alex: still hiding from Christina

Hey! It's stopped raining!

holds Jared tightly while landing on the mountain peak

Christina: senses body heat from Jared
and starts walking toward where you are...

Alex: WTF? How did you find us?

Christina: Body heat 

Alex: Glances at heat vision goggles

I realize that. But how did you get up here so fast?

Christina: my third leg Oo

Alex: um...oohkay? Whatever. Want to join us? We were just about to gaze up at the stars. Then we can sleep out here.

points to the tents that were set up

Christina: I would love to!

Alex: Great! snuggles closer to Jared and gazes up at stars How beautiful!

Yes, I know. Possibly the weirdest thing you have ever read. What is even stranger is that this was an actual conversation between us. Hard to believe, huh? Well, we will continue this, but I will only post more if you want to read more. Please let me know, so I wont disturb anyone else. Thanks!