Sunday, September

Hermione watched him run off without explanation after reading the letter from himself and sighed, wondering what he'd just read. With a shrug she decided not to bother with trying to understand the taciturn wizard, and went to sort out the dishes before she went upstairs again.

"Miss Granger!" Phineas Nigellus Black called gruffly from his portrait which she'd propped up on the old drawer, carefully angled to face away from the bed. "You need to start planning, girl. Have you read the book?"

"Book? No, not yet," she admitted. In amidst the rest of the chaos she'd forgotten about the texts she'd taken from the Headmaster's office.

"Then do so," was all he said, clearly restraining himself from saying something scathing.

She picked up the old book she'd brought from Hogwarts, and once she opened the covers she understood why it had been given to her. Almost on autopilot she sank down on the lumpy bed and started to read.

Turning Time, by Heliotrope Wilkins

A guide to Time by one who lived it twice

If you have this book in hand, you likely face a similar choice as I did. Will you go back in time, to save Hogwarts and our world? I pray that it will never again be needed, and yet, I hope my writings may help someone one day to navigate the currents of Time and perhaps secure a better outlook than I did.

The Foundation of Time

Time, as we know it, is a waterfall. Never ending, never stopping, never returning back whence it came. However, at great magical and personal cost, someone may fly upstream and divert it, forever altering the course of History. The further one goes, the bigger the cost, but also the bigger the effect.

This is the tale of my own Turning of Time, and what I have surmised during my experiments, observations and Arithmantic calculations.

Much later she resurfaced when her bladder was protesting too insistently, and afterwards she discovered she was hungry. After scarfing down another few sandwiches she returned to the book. It was as if the author was speaking directly to her, and in a way that was probably quite literally true, Hermione thought. After all, Headmistress Wilkins had written the book for the next Turner.

The Cost of Turning

If you are reading this in preparation for potentially Turning, know that the cost is dire. You will, in essence, be a stranger to the world you find yourself in. All your friends and family won't ever know you, as you are. You have a task to perform, a difficult and dangerous task, and you will already know the cost of failure.

Much like moving to a new country and starting afresh, your life will be a clean slate. Work out an identity and establish yourself as a lawful citizen. Ensure that you can find employment since you will not have any source of Galleons to fall back on. Carefully consider if there is anything you need to change in your own history, so as to better suit your goal.

The Limits

It is impossible to send someone back further than to their time of birth. At the same time, my calculations seem to indicate that it is the most advantageous time point as the effects of suddenly having two versions of yourself in the same Time may be unpredictable and may even result in your death; in which case all the trouble the Castle went through to send you back, was for naught.

Items you bring with you will affect the world in different ways. General items, such as foodstuffs, clothes and books, and other such common things, are usually unaffected. Magical artefacts and unique items are a bit different. As far as I have been able to discern, if you bring back a magical item which was already in existence at the time you arrive in, the other such object which was already in the world loses its magic and becomes a regular item instead. Truly unique items are sometimes destroyed or cease to work in one of the locations, and I think it will happen to whichever item gets used last although that is yet to be proven. As such, make sure to bring out and test the things you brought back with you.

Having read that section, she immediately emptied her beaded bag onto the bed and started leafing through the various books she'd brought and checking that her other supplies were fine, not that she had much after a year on the run. Harry's cloak was there just as she'd packed it. She stroked the shimmery fabric reverently, recalling all the times they'd used it together at Hogwarts. When she picked it up, she caught a whiff of Harry's scent off it which almost brought her to tears. Luckily it seemed to work fine when she pulled it on and tested it in front of a mirror. She was surprised to see the Marauder's Map among the rest of the items, it had slipped her mind during the time on the run. A quick tap with her wand and a mumbled I solemnly swear I am up to no good confirmed it was still in working order. She smiled when seeing Professor Dumbledore in his tower, and she found Filch and Professor McGonagall, but all the student names she spotted were unknown to her.

~oo~oo~oo~oo~

Over the next few days she ventured out a bit further. She managed to locate a grocery store in town, she found a launderette and managed to wash all her clothes the Muggle way, and she also did another trip to Diagon Alley all by herself to go back to Madam Malkin's for some basic robes. If she wanted to be taken seriously in this new world she couldn't very well wear Muggle clothing, although she did step into London proper to buy underclothes and hygiene supplies, still not used to the Wizarding alternatives.

Galleons were a concern, still. She didn't know how much she would need for her NEWTs. Books, equipment and other such things would take some funding, plus she wouldn't be able to find a job while studying. Not if she wanted good grades.

Origins

The loss of magic happens to the individual you used to be, too, and this is why it is advantageous to go back right to the time of your birth rather than a time when you were already grown. Your other, infant self will never know Magic. Their magic is instead reabsorbed in you which can lead to a period of up to several years where your magic is a bit unpredictable, but after such time as when you would have reached magical maturity in the first place your magic will be stronger than before. Beware the risk of magical overcharging: much like burning the candle from two ends you may end up overtaxing yourself and use more magic than you can safely handle.

The other self, the one you were once, will grow up as a Squib. As such, it would behoove you to look after yourself, as it were, and to ensure that your original-other-self does not suffer too much from never knowing magic. This, too, is why it is generally more of a kindness to return to the time of birth rather than later, as it would be a much bigger crime to tear magic from your younger self once he has already begun to master it, than from a newborn child. The adjustment would also be much more violent if Magic is rooted firmly in your younger-self's body, potentially killing both of you.

That was hard to realise, that her arrival had robbed her younger self of her magic, but it was consistent with what Ollivander had said the other day. It probably explained why her magic had felt odd, too, fluctuating in strength and sometimes surging through her almost out of control. At least in her case it wasn't a huge loss to never know magic, being from a Muggle family. Her parents would never have to send their daughter off to fight a war for a cause they couldn't understand, and that daughter wouldn't have to Obliviate them for their own safety, robbing them all of their family bonds. It was hard to suppress the tears at the thought, but she made a note in her to-do-list and forced herself not to think about it.

~oo~oo~oo~oo~

The notebook she'd retrieved at the Headmaster's office was also interesting. It was full of information about the Death Eaters, raids, other events and notes about various items and other things that might be of interest. He must have written in it ever since he chose to leave the Death Eaters, which was consistent with the dates listed in some of the entries, with not a lot of details given for the current year. It was clearly something he'd kept for himself only and never intended for anyone else to use, but toward the back there were a few pages with some pointers on Occlumency. He mentioned the need to stay calm, and a few details regarding shielding or hiding memories in a landscape.

It felt good to get started on things, but at night when she was all alone in Snape's house she felt the tears and loneliness come. She didn't have anyone on her side, none at all. This younger Snape… Severus, she didn't want to burden him with everything she knew, not until he had clearly declared that he was on her side. He wasn't yet. It wouldn't be fair to either of them, forcing him to keep secrets he wasn't ready for. She did trust him not to betray her, but that didn't help much at night when the nightmares came.

~oo~oo~oo~oo~

End of September

"No slacking, Snape," Master Pyrites snapped. It was Thursday afternoon and Severus was brewing Polyjuice again.

"Yes, Master," he answered automatically while his mind was a thousand miles away. He pushed the leeches and lacewing flies into the cauldron and stirred twice with the glass rod before letting the brew simmer. Even distracted, he knew he was miles ahead of the other Apprentices, and that the brews he produced would be flawless. Well, most of them. At least these simple ones he could brew left-handed, in his sleep. He took a deep breath and tried to summon his shields again, having spent a few days working on them.

He had also started a special brew on a hunch after a stray comment from Hermione. The ingredients were expensive and he'd get severely beaten if his Master figured out he had stolen them, but he thought he could frame Warrington for it if necessary.

After meeting with Regulus that past Sunday he had gone back to his Master's place and spent some time brewing a few batches of Special Befuddlement Draught that Master Pyrites was selling to people who wanted a leg up in business dealings. He didn't want to give his Master any chance to complain about his work, but it was proving to be difficult when his mind was whirring with Occlumency attempts. At least the headache had mostly gone away with a dose of his own improved headache potion, the first brew he had created for his Mastery.

Later that night, after ensuring that the over-night brews were stable and in good shape, he had pulled out the Occlumency notes from his older self and subsequently lost several hours to them, reading and taking notes until his eyes were falling shut on their own accord.

Occlumency for Dunderheads

The first step on your way to becoming an Occlumens is to learn control over your emotions.

Note that control does not necessarily mean suppression at all times. Displaying anger, for example, can be highly useful in certain situations, but you need to know when that is. Joy and other such emotions are also useful, on occasion, but you need to keep your head.

In order to control your emotions there are several approaches that may work for you depending on the circumstances. Counting to ten is a well-known technique. Do it backwards in groups of three instead, starting from fifty, in Latin. Another approach is to focus instead on sensation rather than feelings. The faint trickle of air passing your face. The irregularity of the flagstones through your boots. The way your clothes touch your skin. How the air feels in your lungs. The warmth of that ray of sunlight from the window. The ticking of a clock, the way light plays across your eyelids, the sound of leaves rustling. All such things that are in and of themselves neutral may help ground you.

Later, when the situation has passed, never forget to actually analyse the feelings you have suppressed. What were the causes of them, what would expressing them have led to. Strive to be better next time, to learn from your mistakes and move past them, and learn when and to what degree you should let your feelings out.

The next morning he'd been too tired to think, let alone do any experimental research. He'd stuck to the simple brews that needed to be done that day while practising the techniques his older self had mentioned, absently recalling parts of the text as he worked. His method seemed intuitive and right, which probably wasn't that strange all things considered. The first few days he stuck with the basic step of controlling emotions, but there wasn't much to challenge him in the Apprenticeship quarters, luckily.

Shielding your mind comes next.

There aren't many Legilimens out there but several of the Pure-blood families teach the art, as it were. Keeping a low-power shield up at all times while in certain company is wise. In order to understand shielding — and proper Occluding — you must know how Legilimency works.

At its most basic, it is a straight-forward incantation and eye contact, which I presume you have worked out already. This gives the Legilimens access to the target's memories. The mind is not a book, to be opened at will and examined at leisure. It is a complex and exacting skill which takes a long time to master, but even a poor Legilimens can steal your most prominent thoughts — especially those powered by strong emotion — or give you a vicious headache. They can also, easily, tell if you are lying. Speaking of which, make sure you build up a tolerance to Veritaserum. Yes, it can be resisted, with a lot of rather humiliating effort, but doing so is better than the alternative. See my Potions notes.

Where were we now? Right, Legilimency. A skilled Legilimens — such as the Half-blood you follow — is able to navigate through the target's memories by following the strands linking them. Emotion is one such strand, where a happy memory is easily linked to another happy memory, not that this will be an issue in your case, obviously, but it works the same for other emotions too. Thus, controlling your emotions lessens the links between memories. However, there are other approaches. One may look for people, for example, or similarities in the situation at hand, such as the Transfiguration classroom linking memories from different years in class, or any other detail.

A strong Legilimens may simply rip your memories from your mind without care for the state of your mind. They will find what they are looking for, leaving you a mere shell after.

The mention of the Half-blood had jarred him. Was it really possible…? It wasn't as if he could ask someone, either, that would have been a clear suicide mission. He made note of the Veritaserum comment, too, and actually started brewing a batch for Master Pyrites the following day. It was a tricky brew and one which was technically speaking illegal outside of Ministry control, but that hadn't stopped his Master so far. A portion of it would most likely be donated to the Dark Lord and Severus hoped he'd get some credit for it. He'd already used it a few times on raids but interrogation was mostly handled by the more senior Death Eaters.

Another approach which in and of itself is both less and immensely more dangerous is that used by the esteemed Headmaster of Hogwarts. He enters silently, sneaks in when you least expect it and sits in the back of your head like a silent ghost, watching. In the presence of such a person, you may find yourself losing focus, daydreaming of things that happened previously as he rifles through your mind and leaves without ever being noticed, and then you are left to wonder how come he knows everything already long before you told him. Eye contact is still important here as he cannot enter your mind without eye contact, but once in, he can stay there for a while even if eye contact is broken. Proximity is still necessary, however, leaving you with the last resort of running in case of a mind breach. Make sure you're always more fit than your opponent, you'd better take up jogging to keep your stamina up. Yes, it looks ridiculous. No, I don't care.

With that said, let us cover shielding. When in the presence of the first kind of Legilimens, shields are useless. They will never be strong enough. No, in that case it is better to merely erect a weak shield just for show and let him smash his way through it without putting up much resistance. If you try to be stronger than he is, you will fail, one way or the other.

However for the second type, shields are a must. If you have a strong enough defence in place you will be relatively safe, as he won't want to breach your shields and thus warn you of his intrusion. This gives you a bit more of the upper hand. He will be frustrated by your shields, however, and constantly try to breach them, seeing it as a challenge to find your weaknesses without you noticing.

How do you construct a shield, then? There are several approaches possible here. Legilimency is still in a sense a visual skill, after all, so visualisations work quite well. One is to imagine a physical wall, shielding that which you want to keep hidden. This is the first idea that most people come up with when trying to Occlude, and I have yet to see it actually work. A wall is easily shattered when faced with someone who is determined enough.

Still, as a basic layer of defence, you need to have something in place. Now, although you are me, or vice versa, you may end up with a different approach than what I chose when I was in your situation. I learnt this blindly with some basic pointers from Regulus, but he was gone by the time I needed to refine the art. No, instead of choosing to visualise a wall, I ended up with a different medium: Water. It is highly adaptable to the situation and can be anything from a moat around a castle, to a wall of ice, to a calm lake, rain or hail or a blizzard, or scalding hot steam. Whatever you choose, make sure you know where what you are trying to protect is located, since you're not dealing with any physical objects at all. Make use of that. Make things illogical, use other types of space, other geometries than the three-dimensional Euclidean space everyone will expect. Yes I know you don't know it yet, go find a book on non-Euclidean geometry. Muggle science.

I digress. Play around with it, anyway. It doesn't matter much what you choose but try to find something that bends but does not break. Walls that shatter are one cause of insanity in failed Occlumency. However, as I mentioned, in some instances when it is known that you know Occlumency, it may well suit you to put up a flashy shield which is easily broken by the attacker, in a manner you control without them realising.

By the way that brings us to another topic; sorting memories. It is rather popular in the Pure-blood crowd to imagine their memories being sorted into a house, the family mansion perhaps, or some other familiar structure. I've seen a few people use Hogwarts or select parts of it rather, such as the dormitories or the library, or in one memorable instance the Quidditch pitch. However, this is predictable and although it makes for a structured mind where you will easily recall most of what you wish, it also makes attacks ridiculously easy.

No, if you are to become a Master Occlumens — and you don't have much of a future if you fail — there are other aspects that are much more important. You will get your mind invaded, time and time again, and you will let them find exactly what they want to find, while protecting that which is actually important. You need to gain an intuitive understanding of two things: memories and lies.

That had made sense and linked a bit with what he had done on instinct with Regulus. He hadn't envisaged what he did as a wall but there were distinct similarities. If anything, the blackness he had called up to protect his mind had been more Earth-like, a mound perhaps? He didn't want to think too much about what his older self had written about Reg, however, but his mind kept returning to that section. Did he mean to imply gone as in missing, moved away, or something more permanent?

He'd arranged to meet up with Reg later in the evening. Master Pyrites had grumbled but allowed it as long as all his potions orders were handled, and Severus had managed to keep six cauldrons going at the same time instead of four just to meet the deadlines. It had been a close call a few times but he'd managed to pull it off.

Their main problem had been where to meet up, but they settled for the Wicked Witch again. Reg still lived at home, although he slept at the office more days than not, and Severus refused to have visitors at Spinner's End apart from the witch he didn't seem to be able to shake off. At least she contributed a bit, with food and cleaning the place, something he'd most definitely neglected. It wasn't as if he had chosen to live there, but after his father's death — which Severus went to great lengths not to think about — and his mother's subsequent disappearance, he had the place to himself. He hated the house. It represented everything horrible with his childhood, memories assaulting him wherever he looked.

~oo~oo~oo~oo~

Severus nodded to the barman and went to join Regulus in the room he'd rented, and soon a serving witch arrived with some cottage pie and ale for both of them. As they ate, Severus shared his older self's ideas and they discussed shields and various options. Reg wanted to try the memory organisation technique while Severus wanted to make sure he could keep someone out of his mind.

Not long after they were both breaking out in sweat and Severus felt a vicious headache coming on. He took a deep breath. "Again, I almost had it."

He'd started with the same shield he clumsily erected the last time they'd tried it, but quickly realised it lacked finesse and adaptability. Once Reg managed to break through, it was hard to push him away from sensitive memories. Still, burying someone mentally in a mound of earth was rather satisfying. Water, on the other hand, seemed to have a lot of potential, just as his older self had written.

"Let's switch," Reg asked and drank some ale.

Severus finished his ale too and rubbed his temples, trying to alleviate the mounting headache. "Okay. Ready? Legilimens!"

He latched onto a memory of Hogwarts and was able to see Regulus in a Transfiguration class. He was sitting at the end of a row and seemed to be daydreaming about one of the other students, a Ravenclaw girl by the looks of it. Severus was able to somehow latch onto the feelings of nervous joy, and found another memory of a Quidditch game against Hufflepuff where Reg had played Chaser and managed to score several goals within a short time. He remembered that match, it had been in Severus' fifth year and Reg's goals together with their Seeker catching the Snitch had led to them winning with only twenty points' margin. It was confusing and exhilarating and strange, seeing the world through someone else's mind. Regulus managed to throw him out again after that and they ordered another round of ale, needing a break.

"I want to meet her," Reg suddenly said when their pints had arrived.

Severus was confused for a moment. "Her…? You mean, the witch?"

Reg rolled his eyes at him. "Of course the witch, who else? Can we meet up this weekend?"

Severus shrugged. "I guess. Here again on Saturday?"

Reg agreed and shortly thereafter they'd finished up their drinks and left, Severus for his Master's workshop and Regulus for work.