Saturday, Early August

Spinner's End

Hermione had woken up early and was reading the Prophet in the kitchen, nursing her second cup of tea, when there was a knock on the door. She froze, teacup halfway to her mouth. She wasn't expecting anyone, not with Severus gone, and he wouldn't knock anyway. Pulling out her wand she slowly made it to the door, considering her options. Who knew where she lived? Or where Severus lived, for that matter. What if they were looking for him?

Before she had made up her mind someone pounded on the door again. "Granger? Are you there?"

That voice sounded familiar. She tapped her wand at the door to release the wards, opening the door to a rather unexpected wizard. Of course it would be him, clad in silver grey robes with a periwinkle cravat and a matching travel cloak, not a hair out of place.

"Finally," Lucius Malfoy snapped.

She gestured at him to enter, not wanting to have a Pure-blood aristocrat out in the open on Severus Snape's doorstep. He went inside, carefully watching his step.

"So this is Severus' home." He looked around, taking in the small, cramped room with shabby furniture and too many books, clearly not impressed, his upper lip curling upwards on its own accord.

Hermione shut the door behind them. She wasn't about to offer Lucius bloody Malfoy tea. "How did you know where he lives?"

He turned around, slowly facing her. "Oh, I knew from before. Now, Granger. You have some things to answer for. Severus is at the Manor and he basically hasn't said a word in a week. He doesn't sleep, doesn't eat and is a complete mess. Well, more than usual. I've sent word to Pyrites that he's sick but that won't hold for long. He needs to get back."

"I'm sorry," Hermione whispered. She lowered her wand slightly but didn't put it away.

"Right you are."

The words stung, just as he intended. Lucius Malfoy did have a way with words, but he probably wasn't out to harm her. Not directly, at least. It still didn't make sense for him to be here. He had crossed his arms, his wand not visible. It didn't make him any less dangerous though.

She sank down on the sofa. "Why are you here, then?"

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "I have come to take you with me to the Manor." He enunciated every word clearly, as if talking to someone who was a bit slow on the uptake.

Her eyebrows rose on their own accord. That was unexpected, but perhaps this was a way out, to find answers to the questions she could barely figure out herself. "I need… I need to know, Lucius. I saw his memories, I know I shouldn't have, but I can't unsee them. Well I could if someone Obliviated me but I doubt it would help between Severus and me anyway so that's not an option." Obliviations still made her uneasy, despite or perhaps due to the way she'd been forced to use them back in her original timeline.

"Granger, get to the point, will you?" He started to inspect his nails instead of looking at her.

She leaned forward a bit on the sofa. "His initiation. You were there? Please, what can you tell me about it?"

Lucius frowned. "Why should I tell you? What is Severus to you, anyway? I don't want to see him hurt again just to sate your curiosity."

"I love him." The words came without warning, leaving her almost dizzy. It was true though. She could feel it, deep inside.

Lucius looked at her for a long moment before he walked over to the shabby armchair, hitting it with a non-verbal Scourgify before sitting down. He looked completely out of place, too polished, too suave for Severus' shabby Muggle home.

"Well then. I'm quite sure Severus fancies you, or he did before you put your nose where it doesn't belong."

Hermione couldn't help a big grin from forming, despite everything else. "Do you want some tea?"

Both of his eyebrows went up. "Here? No. You will not speak of this anywhere else, you hear me? I will consider answering your questions."

Hermione nodded and tried to collect her thoughts. "His initiation, is it always like that? Torturing someone, the duel, and…?" She waved her hands at him, hoping she wouldn't have to spell it out.

Lucius tilted his head. "Initiations usually follow the same pattern, but the actual tasks may differ. You must understand, the Dark Lord wants to make sure all his followers realise they have no way out. Their brothers will kill them if they try to flee, or hand them over to the Aurors with an accounting of the crimes they have done, starting with whatever they are asked to do during the initiation. But Severus had the worst task I've seen, that's for sure. It was so personal."

Hermione guessed that made sense. It had been bad, all of it, designed to hurt on a very personal level. "I know he had a really bad childhood. His father drank and used to hit him and his mother. But even so, having to… to do that?"

Lucius hummed in agreement. "Then, the Dark Lord murders his father in front of his eyes and after that it's the traditional duel but this time with not just one opponent. I can tell you quite a few of the others were hoping to see Severus fail. They don't like the fact that he's poor, and young, and usually right. They think he's too full of himself."

She could see that, but he was usually right, which probably didn't help matters much. It did make sense, anyway. He'd attract bullies like a moth to flame, just by being who he was. It wasn't fair, none of it.

"And then…" Hermione held her breath, not quite knowing how to phrase the question. It was so hard to make sense of it all, layers upon layers of meanings.

"Yes, the girl. Sometimes they're there willingly but not for Severus, of course. Tony let the Imperius slip on purpose and Severus didn't realise until it was too late. I cleaned him up after when he was sick in the gardens." He trailed off, lost in thought.

She sat up straighter. The girl was the worst part. "He should have realised she was under Imperius! It was so obvious in the memory. I mean, she was terrified." It had been so clear, the look in her eyes and the way she froze, her whole face locked in a grimace. Of course, it was clear in the Pensieve when she moved around to see the girl's face, but still.

Lucius shrugged. "He was still high on adrenaline after that duel and the Marking, plus she was Imperiused, after all. I don't think he realised until mid-way and he had no choice in the matter, not if he wanted to live. He didn't have enough social standing to refuse and still be accepted. Some recruits get away with not winning the duels or not completing their tasks, but usually that means they're more or less doomed."

Hermione nodded. It fit with what she knew of mafia traditions in general, and a certain Dark Lord in particular. In that case Severus was basically a victim as well, forced to commit an act he didn't want to perform, although it didn't diminish his actions towards the girl.

"But why didn't he understand…?"

He leaned forward in the chair, raising an eyebrow at her. "Is that what concerns you, to see him with a girl who wasn't you? He tortured his own father, why is the girl worse than that?"

"No!" She glared at him but the effect was spoilt by the blush she could feel heating her cheeks. How could he be right about that when she had barely admitted it to herself? Besides, she would never, not in a thousand years, want to be seen naked in public or for that matter be caught in a Death Eater initiation rite. It wasn't about that, but the fact that he'd been with someone who wasn't her.

He smirked at her. "Are you sure?" He rose from the chair, dusting himself off and flicking his hair so it fell in a perfect line again. "Now, let's go. He's moping and you need to kiss and make up."

Glaring at him didn't help one bit, of course, so Hermione snatched her cloak and followed Lucius out of the house, resetting the wards on the way out.

~oo~oo~oo~oo~

Once at the Manor Lucius escorted her to Narcissa's wing again, bypassing the main levels of the house. Narcissa met them in the small drawing room. The babies were nowhere to be seen, probably with an elf or two. She was dressed impeccably as always in multi-layered sheer robes in pale blue that probably were impossible to put on without a house-elf.

"He's asleep. I dosed him with a Dreamless Sleep, I doubt he'll wake until lunchtime. Meanwhile, we need to talk. Thank you Lucius, we'll call for you later."

Lucius kissed his wife on the cheek and left, raising an eyebrow at Hermione.

Hermione followed Narcissa into the sitting room where once again the elves brought tea and sandwiches for them once they were seated, Hermione in the light green camelback sofa and Narcissa in the matching upholstered armchair.

"What do you want to discuss?" She was feeling itchy all the way, wanting it all to be over. She was only dressed in faded jeans and an old t-shirt, not at all matching the understated opulence of the Manor and her hosts.

Narcissa leaned back and looked her over. "You're blunt as a Muggleborn or a Gryffindor."

"Right in two." Hermione was beginning to feel annoyed by the Pure-blood supercilious attitude.

Narcissa raised an eyebrow. "You were a Gryffindor? Well, that's no surprise. You're going about trying to win this war just as any Gryffindor would: thinking it's all about charging into battle and being luckier than your opponent. Meanwhile, the other side is waging a war on a completely different level, one which you barely even recognise, and when the battle is over, no matter which side was victorious, they will win the real war."

Hermione glared at the older witch, feeling less than charitable. "Sorry for being a stupid Gryffindor, then, but I don't follow. What are you trying to say?"

The blonde witch leaned forward slightly, a strand of her long hair coming perilously close to the teacup. "Where's the media, Hermione? What does the general public think? If you win the battle, and no one is there to report it, have you actually won the war? Even if you do win, what do you think the Ministry will do once you're done?"

She wanted to protest, to deny the accusations and insinuations, but there was no use. Narcissa was right. Images rose unbidden from her past timeline, of Rita Skeeter and the Daily Prophet, and the way the general public and the Ministry had treated Harry and the news about Voldemort's revival. Skeeter and Fudge had thwarted Professor Dumbledore and Harry at every turn they could. The Prophet had Wizarding society in a tight grip, and people like Molly Weasley and others believed whatever the sleazy journalists wrote.

Instead, she nodded and took a deep breath. "You're right. I have been focused on the immediate threats, not thinking about the long-term effects. Is Rita Skeeter with the Prophet?"

Narcissa raised an elegant eyebrow. "Skeeter? She writes the gossip column. Why?"

"I think we can use her for this. I'll need to work out a plan though." She pulled out her notebook from her beaded bag to write it down, adding more points to her ever-growing to-do list.

Narcissa frowned but nodded after a while. "Very well. Let's come back to that later. Now, on to Severus. What were you thinking?"

Hermione put the notebook down and rubbed the bridge of her nose with two fingers. "I don't know what to say. I messed up, I know. His memories though… the whole initiation, it was bad. I'm not sure we can come back from it."

"Did you know he was a complete wreck for almost a week afterwards?"

Hermione nodded slowly. "No wonder, considering what he had to do. It was just so absurd to see him with a girl considering we'd spent the whole evening…" She broke off, feeling a blush heat up her face.

"Ah."

They fell silent, drinking their tea. Narcissa seemed lost in thought, looking out the window.

Suddenly a thought struck her and there was a pit in her stomach. Lucius… Had Narcissa known what her husband had done to become a Death Eater? He had said initiations usually followed the same pattern, so that meant he would have done it as well, and also Regulus. "Narcissa? Did Lucius join when you were a couple?"

Narcissa sighed. "No, he took the Mark during the Christmas break after he turned seventeen and we started courting the following summer. I know what the Death Eaters do, Hermione. Luckily our marriage vows prevent him from… performing that way, by design."

Hermione couldn't quite look at the other witch, and her view of Lucius was changing in uncomfortable ways.

"Oh. Of course. I'm sorry."

Narcissa waved a hand vaguely at her. "Never you mind. Now, with Severus. Do you trust him or not? I understand you've learned something about him you rather hadn't but does this mean whatever is between you is broken? And conversely, would he have reason to trust you again? What drew you to him in the first place, anyway?"

Trust was the main issue, it seemed, and she had no idea how to handle it. Had she broken everything between them?

She took a deep breath. "I do want his trust back. I don't exactly know how it happened, it's just… he's one of the most intelligent people I know. He's prickly and sarcastic but he's also insanely loyal. And his magic, it's simply beautiful. He's strong and graceful and I can't stop thinking about his hands."

Narcissa's smile appeared a bit more genuine than before. "Yes, he does have rather nice hands. You'll do well together, Hermione. He needs someone who can understand him but who won't let him get away with being a grumpy git all the time. He's not very experienced with relationships, you know? He's never had a girlfriend, at least none that I know of."

Hermione nodded. She'd gathered as much, it wasn't exactly difficult to figure out. "Neither am I, to be honest. But what if he can't forgive me?"

Narcissa shrugged. "If it's meant to be, you'll get through it. Always remember to communicate, that's my main piece of advice."

Lucius poked his head in through the door, raising an eyebrow at them. Narcissa nodded in return, and went over to her husband. Taking a deep breath Hermione rose to follow the Malfoys.

~oo~oo~oo~oo~

Lost Track

Malfoy Manor

There was birdsong outside the window, and not only the infernal screeching of Lucius' peacocks. He barely noticed, his mind full of misery and pain, You don't deserve her on repeat in his head. Once again he'd managed to ruin something, the best thing to happen to him, this time through carelessness. She shouldn't have looked, but at the same time it wasn't surprising that she had. Of course she couldn't, wouldn't trust him. Of course she'd be disgusted and appalled by his actions. Of course he couldn't keep things out in the open. Of course he'd be alone again, forever. It hurt worse than Cruciatus.

Lucius had put him up in a guest room off his own chambers, careful to hide his presence from Lord Malfoy. Severus wasn't sure what day it was. He simply couldn't care any longer. Days of the week, his Apprenticeship, eating, talking, it was all way too much effort.

The door opened and his host poked his head in through the door, wrinkling his nose as he located Severus on the bed.

"There's someone here to meet you."

"No." He turned away from the door, fumbled for the other pillow and put it over his head.

"Severus, it's time for you to stop moping. You have ten minutes. If you're not up by yourself, I'll make sure you get up."

"Piss off."

He was certain not even two minutes had passed when an elf came into the room, pulled all the curtains aside and snapped its fingers at the bed which promptly remade itself and dumped him over the edge. The elf then proceeded to deposit him in the en-suite bathroom with another snap of its fingers, his neatly cleaned clothes stacked on a shelf. Taking the hint before the elves could interfere again, he got in the shower and proceeded to clean himself using way too much of the Malfoy shampoos and soaps.

Still grumbling but noticeably cleaner he made his way out to the sitting room. Lucius was there, together with someone. She turned around when he entered, looking rather irresistible in Muggle jeans and an old t-shirt that might have been his. She didn't fit the Malfoy style but that didn't matter, not one bit.

"Severus…" She bit her lip, looking at him.

He froze. Pain blossomed in his chest and he seemed to have forgotten how to breathe. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, Severus. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have looked. Please." She reached out a hand as if to touch him, but stopped with it hanging haphazardly in the air between them.

It didn't make sense, her being at the Manor, her being sorry for anything. "Why are you here?"

"Lucius dragged me here, but I've been wanting to talk to you even before that."

"You shouldn't have come." He took a few steps back, needing the distance. Something was bubbling inside him, threatening to spill over. He needed to get out, far away. Far from her. Far from himself, if possible.

Lucius stepped in, almost literally, standing between them with his hand raised. "Do I have to do this? Looks like it. Severus, sit in that chair over there. Granger, that one."

He complied, as usual, but he couldn't bear to look at her. It hurt, the way she looked between him and Lucius, wide-eyed, apparently still wary. She bit her lip and appeared to hold on tight to the armrest, knuckles whitening.

"Now, Granger. You first. Tell Severus why you're here."

He could hear her draw breath, even when he looked everywhere but at her. The floor, the tapestries, the gilded brocade on the chair's armrest.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I didn't mean to pry, I never should have viewed those memories. I can't explain why I did it, even. I'm sorry for breaking your trust."

He heard the words but they didn't make sense. She might as well have spoken Italian.

Lucius held up a hand to stop her. "Now you, Severus. Do you care about Granger?"

Severus wasn't sure what to say. "What does it matter?"

"Just answer the question, Severus."

Pain, pain everywhere and no way out. It was worse than the Cruciatus. "Of course I do! You've seen what I'm capable of, Hermione. You shouldn't be anywhere near me."

Lucius rolled his eyes and turned to Hermione again. "Now you, tell him what you think of that. Do you wish to leave and never see him again?"

"No! Of course not. I just…"

Lucius didn't let her finish. "And why were you upset, Granger?"

She took a deep breath, rolling her eyes at Lucius. "I'm sorry about your father even if you weren't close. It was the girl, it was so hard to see that part."

Severus closed his eyes again as the memories started playing again. "I didn't know, I thought she was there of her own free will. I didn't want to do it, not like that with an audience. I would never, not if I knew."

Hermione leaned forward slightly. Tendrils of her hair had escaped their confinement in a ponytail and framed her face almost like a halo. "Would you stop? If a girl said no?"

"Yes!"

She bit her lip. "Could you have said no?"

He shrugged. He hadn't thought so at the time. The questions hurt, the fact that she could think he would do such things. He didn't ever want that, not after seeing his parents' failed marriage. Being rejected was hard enough as it was but forcing himself on others and seeing their revulsion up close, no thanks.

"Have you done… something like that… again, after that?"

"No! Never." He didn't want to tell the truth, that none of the girls that came to those events ever looked at him voluntarily, except for that one time in the gardens after he'd duelled Bellatrix. He was still an outcast, even among the Death Eaters.

"Are you sure?"

"After how Da treated my Ma, yes I'm bloody well sure I don't want to do that." He hadn't meant to say that much, it had slipped out without warning.

They sat in silence for a while. Severus didn't know what to think, what to say. She was there, though, and not currently screaming at him. That must count for something. He'd said too much, as usual, and still not enough, also as usual.

"Can you forgive me?" Severus said quietly. He wasn't sure what he meant, but he had to try.

She looked at him again, apparently thinking about it.

"I think you have to forgive yourself. Can you forgive me for snooping?"

He shrugged but didn't say anything. The question felt too large, too abstract to answer, and he had no idea what she meant by forgiving himself. It wasn't possible, after all.

She bit her lip again, fidgeting in the chair, picking at the upholstery, and then sought his eyes with her own. "Would you give me a chance, please?"

He nodded, jerkily. She was the best thing to have happened to him since, well, forever basically. He wouldn't make the same mistakes twice.

"Good, now kiss and make up," said Lucius, sounding bored.

Severus glared at his friend. He'd almost forgotten about the older wizard. Lucius smirked and stood up, turning away from them.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I do trust you, you know that? I hope you can trust me again at some point."

She rose and as if on autopilot he did as well, taking two steps towards her. Hesitantly he put his arms around her, hoping he wasn't about to make another mistake. She sagged into his chest and cinched her arms hard around his waist. Something warm bubbled up in his chest, almost painfully intense, loosening some of the tension. She smelled just right, of jasmine and books and ink and something just her.

~oo~oo~oo~oo~

They went back to Spinner's End after Lucius threw them out, and spent the day mostly in silence. It was strange to be back and he half expected her to start shouting at him, but after a while he was able to relax a bit. Hermione was busy plotting something, not telling him any details. Menace let Severus know he was happy to be back, by sitting on Severus' shoulder and cawing too loud in his ear before hopping off with a cackle to join Crookshanks who was keeping an eye on them all from a corner of the sofa.

He didn't know exactly how they had ended up in a forest clearing in the Forest of Dean the following day. She'd asked him to bring the neutralisation potion and a cauldron, and then grabbed his arm and Apparated him Side-Along as soon as he returned from the workshop. Shortly thereafter more people started to trickle in. Regulus wasn't there, but Sprout and Vector from Hogwarts, the older Professor they'd Stunned in the Forbidden Forest when cleansing the tiara, Frank Longbottom for some reason, and a younger wizard in Auror robes. They all smiled at Hermione but seemed to eye him with some scepticism. Not that he blamed them, he knew at least some of them from Hogwarts and apparently his reputation had preceded him to the others. A year ago that would have made him proud, but now it was just a source of sadness and irritation.

Hermione cleared her throat just when it appeared someone was about to say something stupid. "Thank you for coming, everyone. I want to show you what we're up against by letting you witness what we're about to do now. Yesterday we acquired another of… You-Know-Who's Horcruxes, and now we're going to try to neutralise it."

She gestured at Severus to pull out the cauldron. He put it in the grass and poured the potion in it, still not saying anything.

"What's he doing here?" the Auror asked, pointing at Severus.

Hermione put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "For your information, Kingsley, he is on our side. If you trust me, you have to trust him."

"But he's a Death Eater, isn't he?" Longbottom asked.

To Severus' surprise it was Sprout who answered."Don't be so harsh, Frank. If young Snape can help us against You-Know-Who we should respect him for it."

Longbottom ducked his head. "Sorry, Pomona. Right, Snape."

Not bothering to answer, Severus nodded at Hermione who pulled out the locket from the bag it had been kept in. He hadn't had the chance to look at it properly before and was surprised to see how beautiful it was. The serpentine S with its green stones was glittering in the sunlight, it seemed to call to him. He needed to take it, to secure it, to wear it and never take it off. It was only right, after all who else but him could make it justice?

She was talking but her worlds barely registered, sounding as if she was talking underwater. "… Salazar Slytherin, his last descendant… Dangerous, but not really… influence thoughts… piece of his soul…"

A piercing shriek rent the air when the locket was dunked in the potion. It began whispering at him, telling him to save it, that Severus would be great and famous and powerful if he just took the locket for himself, that the others were weak and should be cast aside. Severus shook his head to clear his mind, frantically pulling up his Occlumency shields to ward off the influence of the Dark Lord's soul.

"No!" Longbottom shouted. He surged forward and tried to reach for the cauldron, but Dearborn hit him in the back with a Stunner before he could grasp it.

Severus smirked at the other wizard. It felt like vindication, that someone else fell for the allure of the thing. Much like with the tiara they'd cleansed earlier a foul vapour rose from the cauldron, as if trying to break free, casting questing tendrils at them.

"Cast your Patronus, if you can," Hermione called out.

She cast her otter which started battling the fumes. Severus closed his eyes, searching for that ray of hope he'd found earlier, that she would want him even after knowing his worst memories. His first try fizzled out when doubts crept in, but at his second try the phantom Menace flew up with a soundless caw to join the otter in battling the Horcrux. The sight of it healed something else inside him. If he was still able to cast a Patronus perhaps all wasn't lost.

Sprout had a badger Patronus, which Severus couldn't help but to think was overly stereotypical for the Head of Hufflepuff, while Vector had an owl. Dearborn's antelope joined them, and after a while another one in the shape of a lynx. Longbottom was still on the ground, recovering from the Stunner so the lynx must have come from the Auror.

"Patronus Liquefacio!" Hermione cast, causing the shapes of the bright animals to melt into a brilliant plasma.

The light became blindingly bright and a scream could be heard from the cauldron. Severus shielded his eyes with his hands, hoping nothing would go wrong this time.

Finally everything was still again and the normal forest sounds started to return.

"Thanks for the charm, Professor Dearborn," Hermione said.

The older wizard looked up. "It's Caradoc, I'm not your Professor any longer. Nor anyone else's, come to think of it."

"It's sad that you've left Hogwarts," Sprout said. "You were a good addition in the staff room."

Caradoc smiled. "I need to finish this war first, then we can see how things go."

Kingsley poked at the cauldron with his boot, causing Severus to quickly snatch it up. It was a decent cauldron, after all, one of Master Pyrites' third best set, and he'd better return it in one piece if possible. Otherwise he'd planned to blame the other Apprentices, Warrington preferably. Levitating the locket out with his wand he sent it flying to Hermione who caught it with the bag again. It felt harmless, this time.

"So that was a Horcrux?"

Hermione started explaining, with Dearborn and Vector interjecting at times. They started discussing other Horcruxes along with Hogwarts politics, causing him to zone out. Everything felt itchy and wrong, the whole situation. He didn't want to be there, to need to be civil to all these people he didn't know.

"We have one more," Hermione called, nodding at Dearborn.

He pulled her aside. "I have to leave." He handed her the remaining vials of neutralisation potion. "Better that you keep these."

She looked almost hurt, biting her lower lip, her large eyes searching his face for clues. "Please, Severus…"

He shook his head. He couldn't. Everything was still so raw, so strange between them.

With a last look at her he stepped aside and Apparated away.