Accidents Will Happen
By Rurouni Star
I'm afraid the whole "one a day" thing isn't going to work much longer. School. And another fic. And a need for Christmas money.
Sorry. I'll do my best.
Summary: Ed has a problem; Hawkeye has a laughing fit. Off screen, of course.
Chapter 6:
E. Elric's Home Phone; Day 5 of surveillance.
dialing
ringing
phone continues to ring
E: Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up!
phone continues to ring
E: Pick up, if there is a God, you will pick up-
phone picks up
Woman: This is Winry Rockbell- I mean, Winry Elric-
E: Thank God, Winry, I need to talk to you-
Woman: I'm afraid I'm not at home right now – I'm going to be on vacation for a while, actually – so please leave a message and I'll get back to you by New Year's at the least, I swear-
line goes dead
-----
Hawkeye was not in a good mood.
The colonel had just taken another vacation day (there were suspicious erasure marks on the chart that regulated things like that), the long put-off inventory needed to be done, and Ed had simply not shown up. And Black Hayate had done the unforgivable, right on the new credenza.
An eyebrow twitched as she surveyed the supply room.
But, of course, something else was going to come up, just to make her day worse. It always happened just at the point of true despair. Yes, indeed. 3. 2. 1-
"HAWKEYE!"
The eyebrow twitch stopped. Calmly, Hawkeye unhooked her holster, pulled her gun from it, and turned around to point at Ed.
The teen's face turned horrified – he hit the floor just as her bullet hit an inch from where his head had been.
"I can explain!" he cried desperately. "But I need your help – there's no one else, and I think I may be dying-"
Hawkeye restrained her unsympathetic tendencies for the moment and knelt down beside Ed. There was something incredibly wrong, after all. Her bullet had been exactly two centimeters higher than the near miss she'd meant it to be. The thought occurred to her that she may have missed; but of course, she never missed. Therefore, obviously, Ed was somehow shorter.
With watery eyes, Ed whispered something to her. And suddenly, it all made perfect sense.
The edges of Hawkeye's mouth twitched.
-----
"But isn't there something you can do about the-"
"No, Ed. I'm sorry."
"But that's – that's -"
"Unfair?"
"…I was about to say disgusting, but yeah, that too."
Hughes blinked, his glasses askew from the hurried rush to the door. With Alicia under Roy's loving care, the only person left to spy was, of course, himself.
Not that it was making much of a difference. For once, he had no earthly idea what this particular secret might be.
"…I'm going to kill her for this. Really. A slow, painful, hate-inspired, deathy death."
"That's not an adjective, Ed."
Here, Ed released an expletive that raised even Hughes' eyebrow. Immediately afterward, there was a gunshot and a hurried apology.
"Look, I'm just – really pissed! You don't know how horrible this is for me!"
"…no comment, Ed."
"Oh. Oh, yeah, I sort of forgot-"
A shriek was his only warning as another bullet bit through the door to race just past the part of his hair. Hughes swallowed.
"Listening at doors is rude," Hawkeye informed him coolly, opening the door.
Ed, behind her, looked ready to faint.
Hughes gave a nervous laugh and hurried away from the door.
