Accidents Will Happen
By Rurouni Star
Summary: Hawkeye is contacted. Threats get made.
Chapter 10:
Office Phone #4; Thursday, 3:15 PM
…noise in the background does not permit for interpretation – the first audible parts of the conversation are below
Woman: He… he did what?
F: He broke Ed!
Woman: What on earth do you mean, Fury? Talk more clearly, I can't hear you over this stupid-
F: Ed has a concussion! I kept telling him it would happen one day, but he didn't believe me, he just kept teasing him-
Woman: For god's sake, is Ed all right? He's not in a coma or anything, is he?
F: No! No, Ed's… actually, I don't think he's all right. He's acting… strange. But physically, he's… actually, he can't really walk on his own, he gets all nauseous and dizzy. But-
Woman: Fury!
F: Well, we don't know what to do!
pause
Woman: So you called me
pause
F: Yes. I'm sorry, but please, do you have any advice, Hawkeye?
Woman: This is not a good time to be asking. I'm incredibly busy over here, Fury.
F: I'm begging you, Hawkeye, please. The colonel looks like his brain just shorted.
Woman: The colonel? What about Ed
F: You know the colonel's no good at dealing with these kinds of situations! Have you ever seen him do something useful in his life
Woman: …once or twice. All right, fine. I've got to go – but you're going to have to keep an eye on Ed for at least two days. Make Mustang do it.
F: You've got to be kidding! I'm not telling the colonel that!
Woman: He's got to own up to his mistake - I don't have the time to bail him out of this one right now. If he needs any greater incentive, remind him that Al is going to be back within the month.
F: But Hawkeye-!
line goes dead
F: I'm doomed. Come to my funeral, Hughes. Leave roses.
-----
"Hell no!"
Ed was sounding much more like his normal self at the moment.
"I assure you, I am even less enthusiastic about the idea," Roy muttered. Good lord, where was a cigarette when he needed one?
Oh yes. Hawkeye had made him quit.
Well. She wasn't here now, was she?
"Havoc!" Roy called. "Get me a cigarette!"
"Hell no, sir!" Havoc called back, in much the same tone of voice Ed had. "Hawkeye would flay me alive!"
Roy's eyebrow twitched.
"I can take perfect care of myself," Ed growled out. Then, in a lower tone of voice that he might have thought Roy couldn't hear: "Damn Hawkeye, selling me out like that…"
"If you died in your bed, I would have to do at least two weeks of paperwork," Roy said coolly, but his eyebrow was still twitching, he knew.
"Not to mention Al would-"
"I think you should be quiet," Roy advised. "Sit back and shut up and we might yet get through this day."
Fullmetal was only amusing in small doses. Two days with him would have Roy at the 'strangle self with military tie' stage. Especially after being explicitly told to 'be nice'.
Ed settled back into the sofa with a grumble, the ice pack on his head shifting somewhat. He crossed his arms, and pouted.
Roy's first goal – the determination of the reason for Ed's strange behavior – would be followed quickly by goal number two: the determination of Ed's sexual orientation. Truly, he was beginning to wonder.
The pout turned into a scowl as Roy stared at him. "Don't you have paperwork to do or something?" Ed demanded.
Roy shook his head and walked back to his desk to throw himself back into the chair.
Hah. As though he was going to be able to concentrate. Fullmetal would quickly dash any hopes of that.
Still, fully expecting an interruption, Roy began looking through Hughes' reports of the calming situation in Ishbal. Damn but it was nice to have an expert spy in his employ.
Ten minutes later, after realizing he had safely made it through an entire three pages, Roy glanced over at the couch in suspicion.
Ed was staring at him, a somewhat dazed expression on his face.
"If you don't stop making that face, you're going to have to go to the hospital proper," Roy said irritatedly – though actually, it was a bit worrying that Ed couldn't seem to keep his mind focused.
Ed blinked.
"What?" he asked crossly. "I'm supposed to shut up, right?"
Roy decided to go back to the reports, instead of responding.
