"Hang in there, Raven, you hear me?" Cyborg murmurs, gently cupping the comatose girl's cheek. "Noir's gonna fetch you that book of Azar to fix you right up. So don't you worry, 'kay girl?"
"Sh-She looks so pale.. …," Terra cups a hand over her mouth.
"Dudette, she's always pale."
"THIS IS NOT A TIME FOR JOKES!"
"Listen, I wasn't the one who suddenly collapsed in front of everyone else and started freaking them out for no reason!"
"Like she really has a say in what's happening to her! Something's awful with her! She could be dying or being sucked away into one of her many dark dimensions or—"
"SHhhh! Guys!" Cyborg gasps, raising a Titanium hand. "She's coming to!"
Beast Boy and Terra simultaneously gasp.
"Whoah! No way!"
"R-Raven?" Terra murmurs, leaning in.
Raven's eyes open. Slowly. One violet orb after another. She blinks.. …and blinks again.
Beast Boy and Terra grin as one.
"Raven!"
"You're back!"
"You sure scared us!"
"What happened to you?"
"….. ……… ………. …….."
"… … …Raven?"
Cyborg bites his lip. "Erm.. … …Raven, please say something. You're scaring us—"
"Hehehehe---ALL RIGHT GIRLS!" FWOOOSH! Raven leaps up and strikes a sexah ballet pose before the wide-stretching windows. She grins a sultry crescent moon and stretches her dainty arms toward the ceiling. "DO WHAT YOU DO BEST!"
"G-Girls?"
"Do what?" Beast Boy scratches his head.
Cyborg stares at Raven's exuberant pose. "Uhhh---Rae--?"
"Strum it, Luke!" Raven twirls, coos happily, and slink-dances her way across the window span before galloping in place into a full-fledged can-can. "Ohhhhhhhhh--I jumped the train when I was sixteeeeeeeeen. I wanted to see the world beyond Abeliennnnne. My papa told me I was fit for starvinnnnnn'!"
Raven showgirl prances across the Main Room. A brain dead trio of Titans gaze at her with anchored feet of lead, joined by their dropping jaws.
"I said: 'Hey pa, you fooled me twice! Not every girl is sugar and spice! But boy was I fixin' for a'fallinnnnnnnn!" Raven orgasmically yelps and kicks up a frilly skirt that isn't there and proceeds to can-can her life away. "Sing with me!---I've got nothing in my britches but eighteen stitches and a folding knife 'stead of a fatback. Oh lordy help me cuz I'm a prairie dog galllllllllyyyyyyy"
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
In the metaphysical mindscape of Raven, the singing Terra frolicks her way across the saloon stage while a drunkenly enamored Bard (or 'Luke') perches on an adjacent stool and twangs away at his country guitar.
"Oh I'm a prairie dog galllllllllly!" 'Terra' yodels at the top of her lungs.
"YEEEEEEEE-HA!" The saloon echoes.
"I'm a prairie dog galllll-lllllyyyyy!"
"YEEEE-HA!"
Bard nearly laughs his head off but strums away. He's enjoying this impromptu fantasy.
I'm hiding my face and wishing for cyanide.
Terra spins and does a booty-shake that emphasizes a birth mark on her garter'd thigh, exposed frillily to the whiskey-gurgling masses. ""I'm looking for a maaa-aaaa-nnnnn to fit my pla---aaa---nnnn on the prairieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
"Wooohooo!"
"Yip! Yip! Yip!"
"Yeeeee-ha!"
Bard plays on in a psyhotic euphoria that I'm not even sure he's sane enough to acknowledge.
And---
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
--…Raven carries on the next verse, waving a potted plant above her happily frazzled head like a showgirl hat.
"Yoddddelay-heeeeeeeeee!" She squeals and kick-steps: "Hopped off the train and wouldn't you know? I fell right into a heap of snow! They dropped me in the Yukon 'stead of Dallasssssssssssss!"
Raven spins girlish circles a'giggling around the numb Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Terra. A southern accent melodically (if you can interpret it as such) echoes throughout the lopsided atmosphere of the place.
"I had to hitch a horse that was Mormon twice-divorced!" She tosses the potted plant into the kitchen sink. (CRASH!) "And golly was my rump sure calloussssss'd…." She pats her feminine tush suggestively, sticks a tongue out, and spins into another can-can. "EVERYBODY---"
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
"I'VE GOT NOTHING IN MY BRITCHES BUT EIGHTEEN STITCHES AND A FOLDING KNIFE 'STEAD OF A FATBACKKKKK!"
The entire saloon full of white vocal cords rumbles in alcoholic ecstasy.
Bard is stomping his foot in cadence with Terra's girl-steps as he strums the heartbeat of the chorus into high gear. He sings along with a goofy grin fit to assassinate Fidel Castro.
"OH LORDY HELP ME CUZ I'M A PRAIRIE DOG GALLLLLLLLLY!"
Bard looks my way and winks. "Come on, Noirry! Whistle to the tune!"
I splash the glass of water on my face and slam my red-skinned skull repeatedly into the bar counter. (Whap-Whap-Whap).
"I'M LOOKING FOR A MAAA-AAAAA-NNNN TO FIT MY PLA-AAA-NNN ON THE PRAIRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Yeee-ha!" Terra spontaneously pulls a revolver from inside her corset and fires at an overhead chandelier.
BLAM! BL-BLAM!
The rest of the saloon joins in with hats, bullets, whiskey bottles, and other random paraphernalia of spaghetti Italian-ness tossed towards the ceiling.
Bard drinks it all in with a merry laugh… …until one of the stray bullets suddenly breaks a string on his guitar.
TWINGGGGG!
Bard's eyes widen.
I gasp.
The entire saloon turns dead quiet… …and at the very same moment—
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
"LUUUUU-UUUU-UUUUKE!" Raven growls with a manly furrow to her brow. She pushes aside a pair of invisible 'saloon doors' and marches bow-legged out from behind the kitchen counter.
A shivering Terra and a trembling Beast Boy hide behind a dazed Cyborg as they all watch the possessed girl approach them and murmur in a southern-swaggery-masculine voice of over-emphasized gruffiness:
"I'm callin' you out, Luke!"
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
"I thought I done told you to never show your yellow hide in Dodge City again!" The voice growls from the front of the saloon, where there are three dark shadows and a rising fume of gunsmoke.
A gasping Starfire holds a lacey hand over her mouth and cowers half-naked behind a frustrated Terra.
Bard is somewhere between disgruntled and confused.
But ever so slowly pissed. I can smell it off his cowboy hat.
"Hey! I'm talkin' to you, Luke! We're gonna settle this right now!"
I turn slowly to look who the heck we're dealing with this time. And like a good 'Little Squirrel', I cringe…
