People have told me all my life that you learn something new everyday. For the most part, I'd say that's true. Today, for example, I learned two things: Number one, don't enter the room of a dark sorceress uninvited and number two...exactly what boxer shorts taste like.

I only knew of one thing that could possibly get such a vile taste out of my mouth.

Nicotine. Nicotine. Nicotine.

So up to the roof I went to get intimate with a cancer stick. But the roof wasn't deserted like it usually was. Oblivious to me, Robin and Starfire sat on the edge of the roof in the sunlight.

"What did you want to talk to about, Star?"

I hid behind a tool shed, contemplating whether I wanted to risk lighting a cigarette or not.

"I suppose it is not terribly important but..."

I held the cigarette in my hand, looking at it longingly.

...Damn it.

I put it away and retreated back to the tower.

I was in the process of quiting, anyway.

TTTTTTTTTT

When Terra and Beast Boy entered the main room, Noir was already there waiting on them. He waved from the couch.

"Cheater!" Terra laughed.

"Yeah!" Beast Boy chirped in. "No one wearing that much denim should be that quick!"

"Beast Boy! Stop teasing him about the denim. I think it's cute!"

Noir rolled his black eyes.

I walked in then, my hands shaking just a bit at my sides. Terra noticed right off.

"What's wrong?"

I paused. I wanted to vent about the terrible lack of nicotine in my veins. Terra and Noir knew, but Beast Boy was still in the dark. I held my tongue.

"He's probably still creeped out about the boxer shorts thing." Beast Boy giggled. "Sheriff Woody didn't taste good?"

I glared. That sounded so wrong...

"At least he wasn't wearing a thong!" Terra said. "It would have gotten stuck in his teeth!"

Noir giggled silently.

"Terra!" Beast Boy gasped.

"What?" Terra blinked. "C'mon! Women's minds wander sometimes, too, ya know!"

Beast Boy swayed drunkenly.

"Ahem..." I cleared my throat nervously. "So what are ya'll up to?"

"We're about to watch the beaty pageant." Terra said. "Want to join us?"

I shrugged.

"Why not? Just put it on mute."

"Dude, what for?"

"Because if I hear the phrase 'world peace' more than twenty times I might throw the television out the window. Won't ever happen, anyway."

"Hey!" Terra protested. "It might!"

"Impossible." I said.

"Hmph. You're just a cynic."

"Uh-uh." I winked. "I'm a realist."

Terra pouted. She turned to Noir.

"What about you, Noir? Do you think we could have world peace?"

Noir considered.

He shrugged.

"Noir's on the fence, dudes."

"Noir lives on the fence. Check this out." I looked at him. "Are you a Democrat or a Republican?"

Noir lifted his hands to sign, but then he stopped. He looked at me and then at Terra. He weakly shrugged.

"See?" I grinned.

"What about you?" Terra was suddenly curious.

"I'm a Conservative Independent."

Beast Boy's eyes widened.

"You mean you voted for Ralph Nader?"

"HELL NO!"

"Heheheheheh!"

Beast Boy clicked on the television and the camera panned across the thirty or so contestants in shimmering evening gowns.

"Why are all of them so frickin' skinny?" I asked. Sue me, it'd been a while since I'd had a cigarette. "They're all sickly-looking. Are protruding rib cages supposed to be sexy? I suddenly want to feed'em a coo...kie...?"

I caught Terra's glare.

"A-ahem." I sweat dropped through a weak smile.

Beast Boy leaned back on the couch next to Terra.

"I wonder what the combined IQ of all of them are."

"Just over yours." Terra giggled.

I chuckled when Noir signed at me.

'Burned.'

"Ya know," I said. "I've been thinking-" I caught Noir's shocked look. "Shush, you. Anyway, I've been thinking: You have beauty pageants, and then other beauty pageants for blacks and hispanics, right?"

Beast Boy looked at me.

"...So?"

"So! Don't you see black and hispanics girls in this pageant? It's unfair. Minorities get two chances at it and white people, not to mention asians, too, only get one. It's unfair."

"Dude...I think you're thinking too much."

"Yup." Terra smirked. "Definietly a Conservative Independent!"

Noir chuckled breathily as I stuck my tongue out at her.

"I'm just saying...it's like...reverse racism or something!"

Terra rolled her eyes.

"Stop thinking, cowboy. Just watch the pretty girls and wait patiently for the bikini contest."

"...Yes'm."

I fidgeted. I looked left and right. I tapped my boot. I tapped my other boot. A drummed a tune on my thigh. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up. I needed a cigarette now.

"Dude, where are you going?"

"Um...to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

Beast Boy snickered.

"I figured you'd at least wait until the bikini contest for that!"

It took me a minute to get that-

"BEAST BOY!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

I stomped away.

I really needed that cigarette.