"Ughhh..." I groaned.

I was sprawled out under a heaping pile of western shirts, jeans, leather coats and broken glass. A toe of a cowboy boot poked uncomfortably into my lower back. I stood up, picked up and replace my hat on my head and looked around. I saw a man holding on to his fearful wife or girlfriend.

I tipped my hat to her.

"Are you all right, ma'am-" I stopped. I blinked. I did a double take. "Ahem. Sir?"

Before the effeminate man could answer, the pile of western clothes and accessories I stood on shifted and rumbled under my feet and threw me back out into the mall hallway. I landed hard on the tiles and rolled to my feet to see the tall, robot soldier stomping after me and bringing his rifle up to his shoulder.

My eyes widened.

BOOM!

The buckshot from the weapon exploded a crater in the floor where I was a moment before. I tried to reach beneath my poncho for my laser pistol, but the robot was already aiming again.

BOOM!

I came out of my do-or-die dive in front of the bubbling wishing fountain.

"Hey, tin man!" I smirked and held out both of my hands palms out. "Make a wish, partner!"

I hummed. The water came out of the fountain in thick jets that twirled around my arms like ropes before they shot out at the robot like a pair of Cyborg's sonic cannons. The two streams hit the robot in the chest and slid him back first across the floor and crashing into a game store.

I sprinted after him. I jumped into the store, landed on the robot's chest and proceeded to woodshed him.

WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!

The robot's face sparked and dented under my metal fists. I stopped suddenly when I saw a sales clerk out of the corner of my eyes.

"Say," I asked him. "When does Dirge of Cerberus come out?"

The young man blinked.

"Um...um...n-next month-"

BAM!

The robot clipped me in the chin with the butt of his rifle, sending me in the opposite wall. I picked up the nearest thing to me...a video game case for Halo...and chucked it at him.

TING!

Luigi's Mansion.

TING!

Starcraft.

TING!

Final Fantasy IX

TING!

I threw that one extra hard.

Madden 06.

TING!

Enter the Matrix.

TING!

Final Fantasy VII.

"..."

I stopped. I fogged up the case with my breath, gingerly polished it on my poncho and respectively put it back on the shelf.

"Ooof!"

The British robot soldier tackled me and we rolled out of the store. He grabbed me by both shoulders, turned and tossed me through a wooden bench.

CRASH!

Back in the game store, the manager walked in from the back room. He looked around at the place in shambles. He turned to the clerk.

"Why didn't you tell him about the pre-orders?"

Back in the hall, the robot lumbered over and picked me up by the front of my poncho, but his face was within my reach. I held my fist together and arced them through the air.

WHAM!

He stumbled back. I landed in a crouch, hummed the wind song and flew after him. We smashed into the bottom of the escalator with me on top. And as we made the slow climb...I occupied it by wailing on him.

WHAM! WHAM! CLANK! CLANK! CLANGGGGG!

When we reached the top, he kicked me off and went on the offensive. He hit me with left and right hooks with his big metal hands.

THUMP! THUMP! WHAM!

I ragdolled backwards into the open doors of an elevator. The robot rushed me, but just as he reached them, the elevator doors closed. The Robot jumped the railing back to the ground floor and stood in front of the elevator, waiting patiently.

"..."

DING!

The elevator doors opened. The robot stared at the empty elevator. A question mark popped over his head.

I arced down from the ceiling, grabbed onto the frame and jammed both of my cowboy boots into his face.

CLANK!

The robot fell and skidded across the floor again. I ran after him, holding up my hands and humming. The wind song kept him going and I crashed him into anything I could find.

CRASH!

He smashed through a photo booth.

CRASH!

A large, potted palm tree.

CRASH!

Through the arcade, though I did take trouble to avoid Superhero Smackdown as I ran after him.

CR-CR-CR-CR-CR-CRASH!

The robot was sparking and smoking now and the pageant stage was just ahead. The British robot slid up the ramp and flew through the air. I flew up on the wind song, vault off the ceiling and launched myself at him like missile.

CRRRRASSSSSSHHHHHH!

Together, we smashed into the stage. A large plum of smoke erupted from the robot and his digital eyes went dark. I landed on my back, bruised and exhausted. Finally, everything was quiet. I closed my eyes as I lay there, enjoying it.

"Oooh! Are you all right?"

"That was...like...so brave!"

"Like...yeah!"

"You're our hero!"

I opened my eyes and, clamoring all around me were the beauty pageant contestants.

"What do you know?" I smirked inwardly. "...It's an entourage."