"Well that's just because you're a heartless bitch."

Everyone at the table laughs at the matter-of-fact way that Warren says it. Victoria smirks and lifts her glass in salute before finishing the remnants. "And don't you forget it."

You imagine that you can hear the ice clink in your glass as your swirl the dark mixture within. Warren replies with something you're sure is witty and excuses himself to 'take care of business.' Kate sips her wine and casts a worried glance your way. Again. Thankfully Victoria doesn't seem to notice and starts talking. Her voice is slow and thick with good-humored scorn.

"Max, Max, Max. What on earth possessed you to marry that man?"

You watch until Warren is lost in the bar crowd, unable to stop that little smile that seems to always appear when you can watch him without him knowing. "He's cute and sweet and thoughtful. And... and he's just-"

"Pretty good in the sack?" Victoria interrupts with a smirk and a bob of her eyebrows.

"Victoriaaaa..." Kate whines and blushes bright crimson, hiding her face in her wine.

Victoria sips from her glass like nothing in the world is wrong and shrugs, "What? It's a valid question."

You sigh and look between the two, setting on Victoria and deciding to change the subject. Taking a drink, you fix her with your best Interrogator Max look. "So, what really brings you down here? I don't believe for a minute that you simply decided to pop in on a whim. What's your angle?"

"Well, if you must know, I'm on a scouting trip for my parents' gallery. They want to do some big show to open a new section and I'm supposed to find some up and coming artists for them. So when Kate texted and said that she was coming to see an exhibit of your photos from her book, I figured, why not try and get the hometown hero herself?" Trying to look nonchalant, she sips her drink again and frowns at there not being much left in the glass, glancing at the bar as if trying to decide if she wants to go get another.

"Please tell me that's not still a thing."

"It's a small town, Max. They're still caught between 'hide the shame' and 'revel in the attention.' Plus, you know, it's been five years, and there's rumors that someone's snooping around for a true crime show and-"

"Just stop, please. I can't- not tonight." You look at Kate. She clearly agrees with you. You hold up your nearly empty glass for Victoria to see. "Can you get me another of these?"

She looks at her own empty glass and nods, "Sure. What're you having?"

You look down into the ice and mutter something that gets lost in the noise of the bar. Victoria rolls her eyes. "So humans can hear it, Max, please?"

"A, uh, Dark and Stormy..."

"Seriously? And you wanted me to stop? Whatever, you deal with your shit however you want to." With a glance over at Kate, Victoria leaves for the bar, taking her empty glass with her.

"How's the wine?" You ask Kate.

She shrugs, comes out from hiding behind the glass, gives it a swirl and a sip. "It's okay, I guess. I'm not really a bar person and this is not how I expected today to go."

"You and me both."

"Is it really that bad?"

For a moment you consider trying to lie and pretend everything is okay. But this is Kate, and you can't lie to her. Not after... well, everything. You nod and look away. "It's bad. Nightmares again. Warren's starting to get worried. I'm starting to get worried too. Hasn't been this bad in years."

Kate nods, gives you a kind smile. "We all deal with pain and trauma in different ways, Max. I can't imagine what it was like to be-" She cuts herself off abruptly, looking mortified. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay, really." In your mind you hear the gunshot and the sound of a body hitting the floor. You breathe deep, focusing on the beat of the music in the air, the feel of the table beneath your hands, the lingering taste of ginger in your mouth, trying to ground yourself and not chase that memory. You force a smile and look at Kate. You see the crowd around the dorm, feel the cold rain, watch her plummet again and again as you force your way forward, exhausting yourself to try and keep her alive. It must show on your face because Kate's concerned expression becomes fearful. You hold up a hand, close your eyes, force the memories away, grounding in the noisy, smelly reality of the bar. "Alright, so I'm not that okay. But my therapist says I'm doing better."

Kate opens and closes her mouth a few times, looking into her wine, eventually taking a sip and giving you an odd look. "In the gallery, you said you had something you needed to tell me about that week. I've been trying to think what it could possibly be and there's only a few things I can think of, and they all make me sick to my stomach to think you were going through that. It's... not happening again, is it?" Her voice is nervous, like she's worried that addressing the topic might push you over some ledge.

For a moment you look confused, then it clicks, and your eyes get big and you shake your head, "Oh, no, nothing like that. I would never... I mean, I wouldn't..." You pause for a long moment and notice Victoria coming back from the bar, carrying two drinks and looking, as always, annoyed. "How long are you planning to stay in town? We can talk tomorrow, if you're still around."

Kate nods, relaxing a bit, though still clearly very uncomfortable. She's not satisfied with your non-answer, that much you can see, but she's not going to push it. "I'll be around a few more days and then be back next week. Lunch tomorrow?"

You nod but don't have the opportunity to say more as Victoria deposits your drink in front of you and starts to work on hers. You can see Warren at the far end of the bar. Apparently, he's found himself an interesting conversation over by the old arcade machine. Could be a while until he gets back. You wish he was here now but you don't want to get up and go to him. Picking up your drink, you take a sip.

Victoria downs a shot of something toxic-looking in a single go, grimaces, shakes her head, and sips at her other drink. "You're going to be in town next week, right?" She's not looking at either you or Kate when she asks it, and really, it's more of a statement than a question.

"I, uh-"

"Yes, we are." Kate gives you a reassuring smile and looks back to Victoria. "I'm in Seattle for a while and it'll be good to take a few days and visit."

"Great! We'll have to set a time for you to come by the gallery, see if we can't get some pieces from you to display." With an inebriated enthusiasm, Victoria pulls her phone out and starts discussing scheduling with Kate. You're happy for it, gives you an out to go find Warren, and puts off having to think about uncomfortable conversations for another day.

"Hey you!" Warren grins and breaks away from his conversation to slip an arm around your waist as you make it through the crowd. "About ready to go?"

You nod and lean against him, putting an arm around him as well. "Yeah. They're talking business now and it's getting late."

Warren checks his phone for the time, puts it back away and grins to the other people he was talking to. "I still say Pac-Man, hands down, but we gotta get going." A few more exchanged words and he pulls away, arm still around your waist and you start working your way out of the bar, moving by the table where Kate and Victoria are both looking at Victoria's phone and laughing. You wave, Kate looks up, smiles, and then looks back down to the phone.

The walk to the car, the drive home, it all blurs together in your mind. Warren talks most of the way back, trying to fill you in on what he was talking about. You nod along, not really listening. You're thinking about tomorrow, what you're going to say to Kate. How are you supposed to have that conversation? But you can't back out now. You can only imagine what ideas she might get if you try and get out of that conversation now.

Home, at last. Getting out of the car. Everything's still a blur: thoughts, memories, all of it blending together in a hurri- No, in a... in a... in a something that doesn't have wind and water and destruction mixed up in it.

Through the front door. Warren's arm around your waist, trying to dance you to some inaudible music only he can hear. It brings out a smile, cuts through the fog, grounds you in the here and now, in the happiness that you do have. So, you dance with him, to his attempt to hum that music in his mind. Then he leans in, warm and just so... so there. Whispering suggestions that get you to blush and giggle and nod.

Upstairs, lying in bed in the sweaty aftermath, Warren's arms around you, your arms around him. Lying there together in the glow where nothing bad can reach you. Even that picture on the dresser doesn't bother you. Or, it wouldn't if you could see it. The frame lies face-down. You shake your head, clear the trail of thoughts that threatens to take you back to that dark place.

There's time for that later. For after. For when Warren finally drifts off and you can lie there in bed in the dark and stare at the invisible ceiling and smile. Yes, smile, even though the memories and the monsters are still there. Because you know, here in this moment, that they can't truly reach you. They're just phantoms and ghosts, echoes in the soul. Tomorrow they can be real again. Tonight even, in the theatre of dreams. But here, now, in these precious few minutes, you rest in the warm, all-embracing love of your husband, knowing that even if it won't be okay tomorrow, at least it is right now.

Out there, in the distance, somewhere between the dreaming and the waking, between the real and the might-have-been, the ghost of a doe and a brilliant blue butterfly flit silently between the trees, up the long side of the hill, and for just a moment rest in the moonlight on the side of a cliff that looks out over the small, sleepy town in the bay.