Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I wake up with the most disturbing of thoughts. I take all of these things that are new and naked in my life: the crime-fighting, the Titans, the Tower, Bard, the fight on the frigate, even now this situation with Mad Mod… …

I take it all in my head and I rattle it in some proverbial jar, as if to see if the conflicting realities of my life will turn angry and fight each other.

And in the end, no matter what, I feel so horrifically, disastrously alone. Even with as wonderfully protective Bad has been for me, I cannot help but feel like an alien to this… … …. …to this world I have stumbled into.

And sometimes it makes me think that this is all a wyrd dream. The superheroic lifestyle. The Jump City adventures. The high speed chases and the bullet dodging. But what do I have to wake up to? People can never go backwards in life. Only forwards. I see nothing but the blackness of night in such a waking world of progression.

Perhaps that is why I have chosen to focus so hard on the loveliest of my 'dreams'. If I can learn to accept the finer aspects of this wonky world I've wobbled onto, then the less likely I'll be desiring to 'wake up'… … …as if it was possible to wake up from this confusing present to begin with.

I am here.

And I am here to give thanks to the blessing of a second chance… …

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

… …. …with a carnation in my hand.

I take a deep breath and smile flutteringly as I lay the blossom in question across the threshold of the rooftop greenhouse. I take a few gentle step backs. I look around the place.

It's your typical greenhouse.. …. I… …I-I guess.. ….

I've never been much of a botanist, but this place certainly is beautiful. In a homely way, it appeals to the wandering eye… …or black eye. A 'promenade' of hanging vines and flower shrubs anoints a cobblestone path between ferns and a few well-treated, miniature pear trees. The synthetic Garden of Eden ends in a bulbous 'sitting area' with an ornamental, statue fountain and a triad of benches. Even in the fading evening, I can see that the glassed-in 'park' receives an extra fair amount of sunlight to make reading, socializing, and whatever preparatory-school-girls do a pleasant thing.

I can't imagine a greater paradise for a greater princess. After all, she comes here all the time. Often by herself and—

Footsteps…. …

I spin around with a gasp.

What?.?.?

Holy Snikeys, they're early!.!.!

I had no idea--… .. …I didn't mean--… …Ohhhhh!

I twirl about, hold my breath, and blur forwards through the shrubbery. In a practiced plan of escape, I leap through the branches, morph into smoke form, and teleport my blurred way through a tiny crack in the corner of the slightly aged greenhouse's exterior.

FWOOSH!

As I materialize at the backside of the greenhouse, I start to hear chattering voices. The usual quasi-giggling affair of youthful estrogen. But her voice.. …I do not hear. She has a voice I can only 'read'.

I take another breath as I rush towards the edge, suicidally leap off with a pulse of murk---and land superheroically on a balcony of an apartment tower across the street. Th-Thwump! I blur again and streak up the building face till I reach a lofty balcony. I grab a platform above, hoist my body, and flip myself onto a ledge between stone gargoyles. A few pigeons flap and flutter away in a delayed reaction as I solidify into a crouching position. And from there, I narrow my black eyes, crane my neck, and gaze down… …down… .. …down at the sorority rooftop.

They are appearing in relatively 'sweaty' fashion. Jerseys and cleats… …a soccer ball bouncing between them. Only once have I seen them in actual 'practice', but it was just because I incidentally was tackling a robot thief alongside the Titans just outside the recreation field west of here. Gosh, did those metal knuckles sting.. ….

I hold my breath. I crane my neck further—and there she is. The sight deflates my lungs and inflates my heart.

She wanders through the crowd of thick, friendly "Hey Fei', 'Good game, Fei', 'Hey Lindsey! Tell Fei I want to borrow her shin guards sometime!' She registers them, and she doesn't. She's in her own world. She always is. And it's a beautiful, graceful world. Never betrayed by the P.E. clothes she may or may not be donning. Her silken, ebony hair is in a ponytail and she draws it over her right shoulder before gently hand-signing to a friend and smiling about one conversational thing or another.

I know it is only a matter of time. And with each ensuing week, it happens faster than before. She will drift her way through the crowd and make her nightly visit to the greenhouse for some reason or another. And I can even see her on her way now, and I anticipate the gracing of the carnation. The cooings and the giggling jokes her friends will make. And that ever-rosy blush on her cheeks as she embraces a soft-petal'd beauty trying vainly to mimic her own.

Things like these are what I live for. And I realize that this is the apex of my 'dreaming'. It comes more often as a joy. But—tonight of all nights—there is sometimes that tiniest yet deadly touch of pain… …regret… … …remorse… …

I take a deep breath and sit back on the ledge. I then exhale out through my nostrils and shut my black eyes.

What am I doing here?

I really don't mean anything to this strange beauty of a girl at some lofty school in the middle of the City…. ….

This is the second night in a row that I've gone through my floral tradition.

It's bordering on obsession, and I know it. It's downright sick, and I haven't denied that.

It's just that.. ….that… …

I shudder. I slowly sit back amidst the shadows and stone. I hug my knees to my chest and gaze tiredly towards the rooftop and greenhouse one space away.. ….

What can you do to a person who not only embodies such wonderful beauty.. … … …but deserves it?

What is the proper way to worship someone when you are so completely unworthy?

I have had a life changing experience. And it happened after I came to this world. And even after meeting Bard… …

I breathe.

I shut my black eyes and hide my face against my knees.

Fei-yan.. ….

Beautiful Fei-yan…. ….

How did you do it?

I owe everything to you.. …

Absolutely everything, I owe to you… .. ….

And I drift.

Back.. … …Back…. ….

…. …. …..

… …..

…..

-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-

CRUNCCCH!

With a flurry of hot ash, Bard kicked the door down. Poncho flailing he stormed into the burning, twelfth-story hallway like the mountain of a man he was. He covered his mouth with his sleeve and squinted against the ash and smoke smoke smoke.. …. …

Then he saw it. A window stretched out before a metal escape platform leading downward in rusted stairs.

"Lord Almighty, how I hate these damned infernos with a passion.. …," he murmured to himself. He coughed, ducked low, and turned about to shout down the hallway space behind him: "NOIR! Get a move on, buddy! I've found a way out for them folks!"

I was running towards him, but not at the fastest pace. It was because I was escorting at least half a dozen family members in their bed clothes across the burning interior of the wealthy apartment complex. I kept them in a crouch so as not to inhale the billowing fumes collecting around the ceiling. In spare rooms on either side of us the hottest tongues of flame had spread, and a flickering wall of Hell was parading its way closer and closer towards us on all sides till it was hard to tell exactly where the arson fire must have started.

Bard motioned and shoved the helpless citizens along. He was dressed in black under his poncho… … …in much a similar way that I was dressed in black from head to toe as well. Before joining that City's Titans, we had resorted to the darkest most BLACK 'combat gear' imaginable. It somehow helped us blend into the night. That evening, it was making it hard for each vigilante partner to see each other amidst the dark haze of hellfire forming a gauntlet around us.

"Stand back!" Bard hummed a tune and magically summoned a club of thick ice. He swiftly swung it into the window's glass. SHATTER!.!.! A path to the fire escape had been opened. "Okay, folks! Get a move on!" He blew the broken glass out of their barefoot way with the wind song. "Heh… …reckon there ain't no use saving a window pane that's gonna go up like timber anyways, huh?"

My buddy Bard was making a joke. And I knew it wasn't funny. Not because the panicky apartment people we were saving that evening failed to laugh. But because something else was on the cowboy's mind. Every breath he took was labored and he sweated from more than the heat. I felt like something was gnawing at him worse than the building's gradually melting framework.

"There, they're out!" Bard shouted above the crackling, thundering sensation as he escorted the last of the family members out to safety. "That leaves us with just one last floor!"

I nodded. I was panting. Sweating. I didn't need to tell Bard—I just showed it with every wince and shudder that the flickering flames were doing horrific numbers on my sensitive black eyes.

"If we make it out of this crud, I'm buyin' you some god-forsaken goggles or somethin', kid!" Bard grumbled as he led the way towards the stairwell, covering himself and I from the ash-laden debris crackling overhead. "You may be able to outrun a bullet, but a burn is a burn, Noirry! Don't make me have to tan a hide that's already skin-red!"

Bard was yelling at me. But he was mad at the fire. He was mad at the building for crumbling down. He was mad at the faceless arsonists and then some. I weathered it, for deep down inside we were both still very young and very scared. Worrying about him kept me from worrying too much about the people we were trying to save.

Or worrying about the people we saw.. …. ….and couldn't save.. ….

"Everyone's plum lucky we were just a street away when the napalm or whatever went kablooie," Bard panted as we clamored our way up the red-hot stairs. The metal hand-rails seared at the touch. We winced our way to the top of the inferno. "We gotta keep doin' our job, Noirry. Even if any second, the Titans may rightfully get here." A pause, and he added with a breathless nod: "Somethin' tells me you and I ain't gonna be incognito fellas for long."

I nodded in mute acceptance of that. That could be dealt with later.

Bard arrived at the top of the stairwell. There was a thick door lit with small patches of fire. Above the thunder, I heard Bard shout:

"It looks shut mighty tight! Stand back as I give 'er a whack for old time's sake!"

I was in a daze suddenly and for some reason. Thus, it wasn't until the last second (WHUD! WHUD!) that I looked closely at the door Bard was kicking in (WHUD! WHUD!) and realized that there was an extra-heavy layer of smoke pouring out of it right as—

"YAAAAH!" Bard slammed his foot up extra hard.

And just as the door—CRUNCH!

I gasped. I dove straight into him and plowed him down to the stairwell platform floor—

PHWOOO-OOOOMMMMB!

A backblast roared overhead as a plume of fire fountained out of the hallway and into the fresh oxygen of the stairwell.

I flattened the two of us to the ground. And just as the unbearable heat came to consume us, I clung closely to my best friend, concentrated hard, and layered us with a blurring cocoon of smoke. Our bodies shifted through the hot smoke coming from the blast just long enough for Bard to summon an icy wind that blew the flames back and gave us a space to recover.

When we stumbled back up to our feet, there was very little breath to share. Bard had no comment on just how 'close that was'. He merely wheezed and waved us forward into a dizzying charge down the flame-broiled hallway.

We kicked and punched and sliced every apartment door down. It was a wealthy place, with plenty of furnishings and posh decorations to burn up into dust. And, surprisingly enough, with every successive apartment, there were no signs of residents.

Or no signs of survivors…

THUD! Bard crouched and stuck his head in. "ANYONE THERE?"

THUD!

"ANYONE THERE?"

THUD!

"HELLO! WE'VE COME TO SAVE YOU! ANSWER US!"

I was starting to get extra-super-nervous at that time. My hands were shaking. I looked all around, and the fumes were suffocating. Even I—a smoking adept at Balance—was having a hard time maintaining sanity—

"Over there!" Bard pointed with a shout.

I spun around. I saw a double-door entrance to an apartment. It was a grand residence.. ….MORE than a residence. A plaque with inscriptions rested on the wall before the entrance. Through the flame and smoke, I could only make out 'Akhtar' and 'School'.

I soon discovered that which made Bard utter such an exclamation. There were voices calling out from the other side of the smoke-stained doors. And they were calling out for us.

"Jesus, they must all be holed up in there… …," Bard marched towards the window and rammed, rammed, rammed his shoulder against the double doors. To no avail. "Con sarn it.. ….NOIR!"

I nodded. CHIIIING! I pulled out Myrkblade and stepped forward.

"STAY CLEAR OF THE DOOR!" Bard cupped his hands over his lips in between wheezes and shouted: "WE'RE GOING TO GET YOU OUT!"

I held the wooden blade up, 'collected' a bulbous plume of smoke from the environment around me, and used it to sharpen the weapon I was presently wielding in a lightning-fast downstrike.

SLIIIIIIIIIICE!

I cut a slash straight through the doors, followed by—

SLASSSSH! SLASH-SLASH-SLASH-SLASH!

--a merciless dicing of the inner frame.

"Nnnngh!" Bard the reared up the sole of his boot and—

POW! He kicked the door to shreds. Immediately, at least twenty or so high-school aged girls leapt back with a shrieking gasp.

Bard and I stood in the doorframe, blinking for a half moment of absorption. But no sooner—

"Okay, we're gettin' y'all out of here! One by one! Let's get the Hell out of burning dodge, ladies!"

"Wh-Who are you two?"

I was already gently but assertively moving each of the girls out of the smoky foyer and into the hallway as Bard stepped in and replied:

"We're a bunch of nobodies. But a benevolent bunch of nobodies, mind you."

"A-Are you the T-Titans?" one girl in smoked pajamas trembled.

Bard looked at me.

I looked at Bard.

Bard looked back at the girls. "You reckon we look like Tar Heels to you?"

CRKKK-RKKKK! The entire apartment shook and buckled around us.

The girls gasped.

Bard and I looked up.

A huge crack formed in the ceiling. Smoke and flame spewed.

"Oh gawd Oh gawd Oh gawd!'

"What's happening?"

"Everything's shaking!"

Bard sweated. "Shucks….," he murmured. "This whole place is about to go down like a house of cards…."

Too many girls heard him slip that out for their own good. The billowing room turned twice as loud with conglomerated moans and shrieks.

"Don't panic—DON'T PANIC!" Bard shouted. "Noir! Round the rest of 'em up and let's get moving—"

"Ohmigod!" one girl gasped. "Fei! FEI! Have you seen Fei?"

"Oh god, Fei!'

"Where is she?"

"Alice too!"

"Oh god, they must still be in their bedrooms!"

"But-But—"

"Oh gods, we gotta do something!"

"Just hold it right there," Bard placed a hand on the nearest girl's shoulder. He then craned his neck and stepped deeper into the smoke-filled apartment. "FEI! FEI, WHERE ARE YOU—"

"No! You don't get it!"

"Fei's deaf!"

"You have to save her!"

Bard wildly flailed his arms and cackled: "You reckon even Heidi Keller would sleep through this crap?.?.?"

"Hellen"

"Snkkkt—Shut yer lady-hole, prep princess. I know, I know—Now give us a second to go and fetch her—"

I whistled shrilly. I had advanced a few steps and I was pointing towards a door across the fire that was half ajar. A body was trying to shove it open, but a fallen grandfather clock amidst the flames had caught itself in the frame.

"It's them! It's them!"

"P-Please! Save them too!"

"I got it, Noir," Bard hummed and aimed his wrist at the flames between us. "If you got them…"

I nodded. I got into a running position—

SPLOOOOO-OOOOOOOOSSSSH! Bard shot a tentacle of water from a half-spilled fountain behind him and doused a path in the flames ahead of me.

FWOOOSH! I all-but-teleported straight ahead. SL-SLASSSH! I ripped the grandfather clock to shreds with Myrkblade—CLANK!—and sliced the door handle clean off. I pried the door open with Myrkblade and-

FWOMP! A coughing, smoke-scarred blonde girl fell into my arms. She wheezed and hacked against me.

I winced, cursed my small frame, and shifted and struggled to swing the girl around me and out into the hallway—

"Here, man!" Bard ran up and cradled the girl, taking her from me in his strong arms. "I got her!" He nodded with his head. "You fetch the other one and let's get out of here! Pronto!"

CRKKK!

I nodded. I spun around. I had to squint my eyes to look into the room. The level of smoke was amazing. But I saw her. A helpless, petite figure in a nightgown.. ….her leg caught in the nook of a partially collapsed wall frame encircled with fire. I saw a tangled curtain of jet black hair draped over her brow as she fought to pry herself loose. She coughed in a low, hoarse voice and seemed to moan, wail for help.

I bit my lip and blurred in—WOOSH! By the time I had solidified besides her, I was already feeling ash and bits of ceiling 'charcoal' falling on my shoulder. I looked up and was shockingly blinded by a solid wave of fire clinging to the structures still left hanging above us. Everything else was smoke and Hell.

"Noir!" Bard's voice shouted from beyond. He had paused in his hurried exit with the girl in his arms and was desperately looking my way. "Get her free and get out of there! Now, buddy! NOW!"

CHIIIING! I pulled Myrkblade out and stood before the girl. I whistled.

She didn't respond.

I snapped a finger.

She was still struggling with her predicament.

"… … …" I firmly touched her shoulder.

She looked up at me then. Frightened, teary almond eyes.

And I looked back. A little too long for my own good.

That's when the girl gasped. She pointed a finger up and blurted a half decent pronunciation of "LOOK OUT".

"?.?.?" I glanced up—

CRKKKKKKK! The ceiling was splitting open and a wave of fire seeped down.

I gasped.

She screamed.

The girls screamed.

Bard shouted: "NOIR!"

SLIIIIIIIIIICE! I cut a deep ravine in the floor, yanked out the girl's ankle, and dove the two of us towards the far side—

SLAMMMMM! WHUDDDDD!

A wave of hot dust flew at us as we tumbled.

But then—

CLAMP!

I mentally yelped in mute pain. THAP! I fell down flat, my entire lower section pinned to the carpet in collapsed debris. I winced, but found my lungs empty of breath. Myrkblade had fallen from my grasp and lay a few inches from my aching fingers.

CRKKK-KKKK! The building started to collapse around me even more.

I started to panic. I couldn't concentrate on teleporting out of there. I was sapped of all energy, and the meditation of the Balance was sailing far, far away like a burning ship.

All I could do was wince and stare across the space before me with me hazed black eyes. And I saw a frightened pair of eyes looking back at me. The girl was scrunched in the corner, hugging herself. Looking at me. Her lips agape and her expression… …

Fearful?

Regretful?

Hopeful?

"NOIR! NOIR, SPEAK TO ME!"

Her face faded away with the dancing fumes. I could feel in my very bones that the rest of the building was soon to crumble into to the Earth. There was nothing I could do. There was nothing I could do.

"NOIR! OH GOD, NOIR! NO!"

The girl.. …

The City… …

My second chance….

"NOIR… ….PLEASE… …."

Smoke and smoke and….

There was nothing I could do…

I blacked out… …. ….. ….. …. …. …. ….

… …

… …

… …

… …

… …

… …

… …

… …

… …

… …

… …

… …

… …

… …

… …

The first thing I remembered seeing were the stars.

And it felt so indescribably 'cool'.

The fires were gone.

The smoke had cleared.

I was lying on my back…. ..charred and bruised… …but very much in one piece.

And before I could bask in the glory of my existence, I became suddenly and annoyingly aware of a persistent beating motion being applied to my chest.

With girl hands.

I coughed. Wheezed. Hacked. And sat up, panting.

She let out a frantic shriek and leapt back from me.

Wait… …who?"

I looked up, weakly. Black eyes thin.. …

The girl from the collapsed room was kneeling besides me, her hands cupped over her lips.

At the sight of me… …of me sitting up, she cried.

Her eyes welled up in tears and she lowered her hands.

And then she spoke to me. At the time, I was too dazed from the inhaled smoke to realize until later that she was talking to me through her hands.

'I am so glad that you are alive. Thank God that you are alive.'

I blinked. I winced all over. I wanted to collapse and die… …

Or sleep.

Where's Bard?

I shook.

Where am I?

I sensed a brightness to the left of my black optics.

I glanced over.

A building as burning. THE building was burning.

And it was an astonishing two blocks away.

What the beautiful Hell?

I heard a whimpering.

I looked back over at her. Confused and diffused. I might as well have been dreaming.

'You saved my friends,' she signed. 'Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much… …'

And with a lasting sob, the silent maiden collapsed forward and clung to me. Sniffling and wetting my shoulder with her tears.

And I was numb.

And every shake of her tearfully happy frame against mine shook a few stitches free from my invisible insides.

And it was without a surprise that—no soon after that—I fell back into the stars once more.

And fainted….

-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-

Bard tells me to this day that it's the one thing that almost makes him believe in miracles. And I don't blame him. I'm not even sure how the two of us ended up outside of that collapsed room—much less completely away of the burning building whatsoever.

But what I do know is that I'm alive right now, for better or for worse. And the second chance still persists.

I am alive for a reason. And that reason held me tenderly as I gave in to the chaos and settled into darkness, only to rise again the next morning.

Fei-yan, I don't know how… …and I may not even know why.

But I somehow owe my existence now to you.

And yet… …

Yet you thanked me… …

I'm sure I don't know much about you. And you don't know much about me.

But one thing I can say is certainly knowable about ourselves… …

You were the hero that night.

Not me.

I owe you more than all the flowers in the world for that… …

I take a deep breath.

I stand up from that gargoyle'd ledge across the new sorority rooftop. I stare for a few lasting seconds at the Carnation-grasping maiden within the confines of the distant greenhouse.

And I breathe easier.

If only I could give you more…. …

Even if giving you more means giving you less.

Or nothing whatsoever---of me.

I turn.

I meditate.

I blur southward and towards the Tower in a streak of smoke.

Like the bitter-sweet fume of a memory.