Thanks so much for all the reviews. I am truly humbled and honored by the things you all have said. Here's the second chapter, hope you all enjoy!
Spoilers: 'Bad Faith' 'Indifference' (Law and Order), 'To the Bone' 'Diamond Dogs' (CI) and any other episodes of Law and Order/CI that mention Logan's childhood. A factor throughout season three that involved Alex Eames and her sister (or was that season four?).
Saint Mark's Hospital
Monday, July 10th, 9:01 AM
Carolyn looked over at Mike. The two of them had been sitting in Rebecca's hospital room in silence for the last half-hour, both deep in thoughts about Rebecca. Carolyn was personally worried, both about Mike, and about Rebecca, but she knew Mike's mind was clouded with much deeper things. Rebecca. His own childhood.
Rebecca was finally asleep thanks to the painkillers that had been given to her. Carolyn hated this powerlessness; hated that all she could do was pray that Rebecca was sleeping peacefully without further torment; without reliving whatever hell she'd been through, even in her dreams, unable to escape it.
"Mike?" Carolyn said softly, worried about where her partners mind was at, "Talk to me..."
"Why do you think that no one from SVU has shown up yet?" Mike said softly, "I called them an hour ago."
"They're not here because I called Deakins and asked him to contact Cragen and have it reassigned," Carolyn responded, "Bobby and Alex are at the apartment right now. When Rebecca wakes up, we're supposed to question her."
Mike sighed, not knowing if he was ready to reveal all he felt.
"I can't take this case, Care." Mike said, his voice cracking, "For one…it's too personal. She lived right across the hall from me. I did nothing. For another…"
"What?"
"Let me put it this way…the second her social worker walks in here, I'll be asking about applications and the paperwork I need to do to become Rebecca's foster parent. And I would never be allowed to investigate her case with that scenario."
Carolyn nodded slowly. A part of her was shocked, yet a part of her had expected this. There were some things about her partner that she didn't know of; but from the moment she had met Mike Logan, she had seen someone deeper than what most saw. So many people saw a cocky chauvinist when they were around him. She saw otherwise.
She'd known almost instantly after meeting him that his cockiness was just a cover-up; a way to let people know that he was not a man they should or could mess with. As for being a chauvinist, she would never be able to see him that way. She had seen the quick, seething glances he had slipped in at suspects who looked at her in an unprofessional way; seen the commitment he had to protecting women from men who would hurt them.
She had seen a man who was angry; indeed, she knew, Mike did have a lot of anger within him. But it was controlled. And most of it was directed towards Mrs. Andrews, women like her, and all people who would do anything to degrade or destroy their fellow men.
She also saw a man of great compassion, who was deeply passionate about getting justice for the victims of crime. A man who would likely give his life in an instant to save a child from harm; who often hid the deep pain he felt for them by a tough as nails exterior.
Carolyn knew what went on inside him when he looked at Rebecca; looked at any of the kids they worked with. Both of them felt disgust towards the parents, and empathy for the children. But Mike was the one who truly could understand what they were going through. After all, he had suffered because of his mother. He'd lived in fear; he'd been hurt; he'd ducked the blows.
She knew it was that which brought him to this; the fierce, fatherly need he was feeling to protect Rebecca; to cherish her; to nourish her. It was an odd thought, however,Mike Logan as a father, foster or otherwise.
"You don't approve, do you?" Mike said softly, a hint of disapproval in his voice.
Carolyn smiled at her partner; surprised at the words that came from her, yet knowing every single one was true.
"Quite the contrary, Mike," She said, reaching across the bed to squeeze his hand for one quick, gentle moment, partner to partner, "I will be the first to recommend you to that social worker."
Residence of Leona Andrews
9:44 AM
"I hate cases when the kid's the victim." Bobby said, his voice low- almost dangerous as he looked through the Andrews' living room with Alex.
"You're not alone in that regard." Alex replied, disgust in her voice as she sadly eyed the beer bottles, cigarettes that were strewn throughout the room.
"Did you call children's services?" Bobby asked.
"I did," Alex said, heading towards the single bedroom in the apartment, "They're sending a social worker over to the hospital."
Bobby nodded, looking Alex in the eye for a brief moment. She used to hate it when he did that; hated the way Bobby Goren could look right through her; could stare into her very soul. A silent moment of understanding was passed between the two detectives; Alex had a nephew; she'd given birth to him; at times regretted giving him up. Alex had always had a soft spot for the younger victims.
"I'm okay," She said to Bobby, "I'm worried about Mike, though. According to Carolyn, Rebecca's pretty banged up. And he took it personally."
Bobby nodded, sadness in his eyes. Sometimes he hated the fact that he'd let Alex in so much; had let her know about his life. There were times he thought it would be easier for both of them if they left their relationship as professional, and only that. And yet, he knew it went deeper than that. He knew that, at very least, he considered her to be one of his dearest friends, and knew it was vice versa. And at times, in moments like these, he wondered if that was a bad thing. If they ever let it get in the way of their jobs.
Then, Alex walked into the bedroom, and Bobby, taking a deep breath, walked towards the closet.
Saint Mark's Hospital
10:30 AM
Mariette Henderson knocked softly on the open door of the hospital room, finding a man and a woman on either side of Rebecca Andrew's bed. The man had his eyes closed, his hands folded in his lap. The woman looked over at her.
"Mike," She said softly.
The man- Mike, she presumed- instantly looked over to her.
"Hi," Mariette said, "I'm Mariette Henderson. I'm the social worker who's been assigned to Rebecca's case."
"Carolyn Barek." The woman said, shaking Mariette's hand.
"Mike Logan." Mike said, standing and shaking her hands.
"You were the one who found her, weren't you, detective?" Mariette said, "I'd like to ask you a couple questions if you don't mind. Could we step outside for a minute?"
"Certainly," Mike responded, "I have a couple questions myself."
"I'll stay with Rebecca." Carolyn said, smiling at Mike.
Mike followed Mariette out to the hall, and sat beside her in a waiting room chair.
"What did you want to ask, detective?"
Mike sighed, and for a moment, just a brief moment, he wondered if he was doing the right thing. Wondered if it was really in Rebecca's best interest to have him for a parent. But in the end, he knew what he had to do. His fate had been sealed.
"I want to foster her."
Mariette raised her eyebrows.
"You're a foster parent?"
"No," Mike said, "Could I file for temporary licensing? I'll work towards full certification as soon as possible."
"Well, there are several things we need to do before I can give you a yes or no. First, with your job, and the hours you have to work, are you sure this is in Rebecca's best interest?"
"The job is demanding," Mike admitted, "But let me guarantee you…that I do have her best interests at heart, and if I thought it would interfere…I wouldn't be doing this. In a way, it's a plus. I've had training in helping abused children."
"Are you married, Detective?"
"No, I'm single."
"Then how do you plan to give her all the support and love she needs? Are you sure you can do it on your own?" Mariette said, not unkindly.
Mike sighed. He knew that was a negative towards him. Rebecca deserved to have some kind of maternal figure in her life, who would love her, and nurture her like a mother would. He would give her all he had; of that he was sure. But…sometimes, all he had wouldn't be enough. Sometimes, she would need another female. Then, he heard a voice from behind him.
"Although I'm positive Mike would be more than competent," Carolyn responded, "I would be more than happy to help him in that regard."
Mike turned to look at Carolyn.
"She's awake, Mike. She asked for you."
Mike turned back to Mariette, a questioning look in his eyes.
"Go." Mariette said softly, "We can continue this conversation when you're done. I'd…appreciate it if you wouldn't mention the possibility of your fostering her until we're more certain."
"Of course," Mike said, hurrying to Rebecca's room.
It hurt him to look at her like this. She looked so tiny; so crumpled underneath the bedding, the lighting in the room only making the bruises on her face worse.
"Hey, kiddo." Mike said warmly to the young girl.
"Hey…" Rebecca said, unsure of how to respond.
She didn't understand why he cared so much. Why he'd held her hand through it all- wondered why it was he hadn't left her side through the rape kit, the stitches they'd put in her back...men would never care about her; no one would ever care about her. That was one lesson she'd learned for years now. She was just a whore.
"How are you feeling?" Mike asked tenderly, reaching out to stroke back a few stray strands of hair that had fallen onto her forehead.
He was shocked when she flinched. That was new.
"Sorry…" Rebecca whispered, "It's just…well, he…"
"It's okay," Mike said, sitting beside her bed, "I understand, sweetie."
Mike tried to think of what to say. What did you say to someone who had been so horrifically abused? To a rape victim? He'd done it before…as a cop. But never like this. He wasn't here as a cop. And for the first time, he realized that this would be harder than he thought.
"Listen, Detectives Eames and Goren are going to be investigating your case. They're friends of mine, and they're very nice, okay?" Mike said, "They're going to charge your mother with neglect and child abuse."
Rebecca nodded slowly.
"I'm scared that she might hurt me again." Rebecca whispered, "What if they can't arrest her? What if she gets out on bail?"
"Shhh." Mike said gently, wanting with every fiber of his soul to reach out and comfort her, but knowing it was a bad idea, "I won't let anyone hurt you."
Mike felt a soft hand on his shoulder, and he realized Carolyn had walked into the room, followed by Alex and Bobby, Mariette standing in the doorway.
"Rebecca," Carolyn said softly, gesturing to Alex "This is Detective-"
"Alex." Alex said, a gentle, motherly smile on her face as she looked down at Rebecca, "I'm Alex, and that's Bobby. We're detectives. I know you're not feeling too well, but do you think you're up to answering a few questions for us?"
Rebecca nodded, fear in her eyes; well-hidden fear that flickered off and on in an instantwhen her glance drifted to Bobby. The type of fear that only Bobby Goren would pick up on.
"Don't be scared, Rebecca," He said softly, compassion shining in his blue eyes, "We're here to help you, okay?"
She nodded.
"I'll be right outside if you need me, alright?" Mike said, concern thick in both his eyes and voice.
"Same here." Carolyn said quietly.
Carolyn, Mike, and Mariette all filed into the hall, closing the door behind them, leaving Rebecca alone with Alex and Bobby.
Alex took the chair Mike had been occupying, while Bobby chose to try and maintain a non-threatening position, sittingin a chair atthe end of the bed.
"Do you prefer Rebecca, Becky, or Becca?" Alexandra asked, smiling.
"Rebecca." She replied softly.
"Okay. Rebecca. I know this is hard, but just take your time, and if you need to take a break, just tell us." Alex said, loathing the people who had put such ayoung girl through all of this. "We talked to your doctor, and he said there was evidence that your hands had been tied for an extended period of time. How long were you in the closet for?"
"Four days."
Bobby felt sick, which surprised him. He handled some of New York's worst criminals on a daily basis; he hadn't expected this kind of reaction from himself.
"Was it locked?"
"Yes…it locks from outside."
"Was this the first time your mother locked you in there?" Bobby said gently, speaking up for the first time.
"…No…" Rebecca said, her voice shaking.
"What else did your mother do to you, honey?" Alex asked.
"She…umm…she…"
Rebecca's breathing became labored, her voice cracking, her eyes downcast. Bobby tilted his head slightly, trying to catch her eye.
"Rebecca…" He said softly, trying to come up with some sort of comforting or soothing thought, "Whatever it was? It can't hurt you anymore."
Alex looked over at him, slightly surprised by her partner's compassion for the teenager. Although she'd initially found Bobby to be peculiar and on the borderline of anti-social, she'd also known him to be a man full of compassion, both for some of the offenders, and the victims. But, she'd never seen him affected like this by a case.
Then again, neither of them were especially used to living victims.
"She…oh, God…she made me…work as a…"
Alex felt her temperature begin to rise with anger, knowing what Rebecca was going to say before she said it.
"I didn't want to…but she said I was old enough now…and…that I didn't have a choice."
Rebecca said, closing her eyes, "It paid for the drugs she used."
Alex closed her eyes, wanting so badly to help her, hold her, let all of this be done and behind her, hating that she couldn't stop it, was completely powerless…
"So your mom used drugs?" Bobby said, continuing when Rebecca nodded, "Do you know what she was using?"
"Coke," Rebecca whispered, her voice breaking, her eyes still closed, "Cocaine and heroin."
Outside Rebecca's hospital room, Mike was deep in conversation with Mariette about the process of temporary licensing.
"Well, Mike," Mariette said, after Mike having insisted that she call him that over 'detective', "Your partner has made it very clear to me that she believes you should be the one to foster Rebecca."
Mike made a quick mental note to thank Carolyn.
"After having seen you with Rebecca for the brief moment I did, I see no reason to disagree." Mariette said to Mike, opening her briefcase, "I need you to fill out this application. I'll start putting the paperwork through as soon as possible. Temporary license is only good for three months, so before then, you will have to undergo training, an interview, and a home inspection before you can have general licensing."
Mariette stood, along with Mike, who shook her hand before watching her leave.
Mike smiled at Carolyn, who was sitting across from them, her rosary in her hands, head bowed. He wondered if he'd ever told her how beautiful she looked when she was talking about her faith. It reminded him of a part of him that had lost.
He didn't know when exactly it was he'd stopped believing in God. He knew when he was younger, he had believed. There was a time when he'd prayed. When he'd believed in it all.
He wished, in a way, that he still could. He was positive that some parts of his life would be better if he had a form of faith to turn to; faith in something better and more powerful than himself. And as he sat there, looking at her, he felt for the first time in a long time, a sense of faith in something greater than himself.
He didn't know how long he sat there like that, but a question was lingering in his mind.
"Caro?" Mike said once she finally looked up from her vigil, "Did you really mean what you said…about helping me?"
"Every word," Carolyn said, a soft smile spreading across her features, "Every word."
AN: Thanks so much for all the reviews, you guys! I really appreciate them, still love getting them, so please keep reviewing! I love getting input from all of you! And if anyone has some suggestions as to how I could better write Goren (who, I have concluded, is a really tough character to write...:P), please share!
