The roof of Titans Tower had unexpectedly become my place of refuge. It was the spot I went to smoke in secret, since none of the other Titans save Noir and Terra knew of my bad habit. But it was more than that. It was a peaceful, solitary place with a great view that entertained my eyes but left my mind free to wander.

A wandering mind can be a dangerous thing. Just like a wild horse, unbridled thoughts can run off and take you to a place you don't want to go. Tonight it happened to me.

I sat on the edge of the roof, staring out at the moon kissed waves. I soaked in the beauty as I relaxed my tired muscles. My brain was a muscle just like any other, though probably not my strongest one, and I relaxed it, too. The mental strain of superheroing can be tough on the noggin. My mind was blank when I popped a cigarette in my mouth and fished out a lighter. As I lit the tip of my cigarette, my eyes were drawn to the flame.

The orange flame with the blue base gave off little heat and was insignificant compared to the night that surrounded it. And yet, I knew it had the potential to be so much more. I knew, under the right circumstances, it had the potential to grow into a large, bloodthirsty beast. And if that beast was fed enough, it had the potential to bring hell on earth. To destroy anything it touched. To kill anyone in the most horrific and cruel way possible.

My chest suddenly constricted around my heart and my limbs felt cold. My thumb slipped numbly off the button of the lighter and the flickering flame disappeared. The lighter was cold and innocent in my hand. I took in a deep, shuddering breath and let it out in a torrent. I deflated, my shoulders drooping and my head dropping my chin to my chest. I closed my eyes and welcomed the cool darkness it brought.

As you might have figured, I am afraid of fire. But yet...I'm not. I'm not afraid of getting burned. I don't have nightmares where I'm trapped in an unquenchable, towering inferno. But I've seen the terrible destruction fire can wreak and the way it can steal life like a thief of souls. I can hardly bear to think of it.

Some time ago while Noir and I were still doing the solo thing together but not long before we joined the Titans, we came across a burning apartment building. I damn near killed myself trying to get everyone out and Noir was right with me the whole way. Just as we were finishing up, a section of roof collapsed, separating the two of us. I screamed and yelled and did everything in my power to get to him, but it was no use. I don't know if I'd ever been so scared in my life.

Later, Noir turned up relatively unscathed a block of so away. Neither he nor I knew how he got there. I like to think it was a miracle. I like to think that God knew just as well as I did that, if Noir had died in that blaze...I'd go plum insane. Or maybe die right there on the spot. Noir is my best friend and probably forever will be. But even more than that...it wouldn't be the first time.

My hand clutched the silver cross pendant around my neck.

WHAM!

FWOOSH!

Flames lunged as I kicked open the front door of the warehouse. I pulled my poncho up over my face to block the smoke and fire, but the garment did a lousy job. I took in a large gulp that was part air, part smoke and part stifling heat before plunging into the burning building. Once inside, I was blinded by the smoke. My sight was a blur of orange and black. It was hell on earth if I ever saw it.

I stumbled to the left and felt around the wall until I reached the stairs. Coughing and hacking, I sprinted up them as fast as I could. Halfway up, a section of stairs crumbled under my boots. I just barely caught the edge and dangled with the fire all around. I swallowed and closed my eyes. Sweating and straining, I pulled myself up and away I went.

I was yelling when I reached the floor I was looking for, trying to hold back my coughs.

"Where are you? I'm here to help!"

No answer.

"WHERE ARE YOU?"

Nothing but roaring flames and groaning timbers. With no other choice, I began my frantic search. I kicked open a door, looked around and went to the next one. The third door I kicked open had such a violent back draft that it sent me slamming into the opposite wall. I saw stars and slumped to the floor. I was sore and dizzy and choking and all I wanted to do was sleep.

Sleep...

I would have died right there had I not somehow heard a gentle voice that will forever be with me.

"The Lord is my Shepard I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in the path of righteousness for His name's sake..."

I blinked. Some of the haze in my brain disappeared. Though it was probably the hardest thing I'd ever done, I forced myself to my feet. I tripped and stumbled towards that voice.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for you are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me..."

I fell to my knees, but I kept crawling across the burning floor. Towards that voice.

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever..."

I finally reached the right door. I gathered what strength I could, stood up and half-battered/half-fell through the door. The fire was hottest here, without a doubt. Flames flickered and gnashed at me like teeth. Smoke attacked my lungs. Most of the ceiling had collapsed. And beyond it was the voice.

"I'm here to save you!" I coughed out.

I caught sight of the trapped girl through a small hole in the debris. She was on her knees with her hands clasped over her heart. Praying. She didn't even look at me or seem to care about the salvation I was offering.

I didn't care. I tried to pull at the mass of burning timbers, but only succeeded in scalding myself. I kicked at it with my boots, but it wouldn't budge. The remainder of the ceiling creaked and shifted, threatening to crush us at any second. I ignored it and continued my useless struggle. I cried as I worked, because I already knew.

The girl decided then to acknowledge my presence. She stood and looked at me calmly with the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. She was not afraid. Without a word, she reached through the narrow hole of the debris with a clenched fist. Dumbfounded, I reached out my own hand. A silver chain and cross fell into my palm.

CRASSSHHHHHHH!

Her side of the ceiling fell and the hand went limp.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I shuddered, trying to shake the memories away even though I knew it was impossible. I undid the chain around my neck and held the silver cross pendant in my hand. My finger caressed the tiny engraving on its back.

Amber Marills