Hiding
Chapter Five
Evilbunny
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is an anime I do not own.
Desperately Releena scrubbed at her face, she didn't know who was coming, but she didn't want to meet them with the evidence of weakness still on her face. She didn't want to meet them at all. Her first instinct brought her wings closed behind her, hopelessly trying to hide them and she looked for the shadows of the trees to sink back into. Only the harsh lines of the stone balcony and the open courtyard met her and all the fear and isolation she'd thought gone at Heero's return rushed back, dropping like a cloak around her, and she drew it close, trying to muffle the searing white of the wings. But the boy stood before her, protection written in the tense muscles of his back. She couldn't hide, couldn't go back to hating everything and only dreaming of rescue. Rescue had come, she needed to take the freedom and strength he offered.
With a defiant shake, she spread her wings, letting the last sun rays play along their curves and arcing them above her head, almost seeming to embrace the boy who stood guarding her. The woman who appeared came to a started stop at the sight before her. Her uniform, the same as those she'd seen in the halls, and Heero's cautious relaxation proved that she was part of his organization, but did little to allay Releena's fear. She wasn't to be trusted. Those in uniform seldom were.
The woman's eyes showed little, cool and professional, but Releena could see the hint of pity behind the dispassionate gaze; pity for the poor deformed child. Already Releena felt her confidence wither, the small reserve already used up. Pity and then what? What emotion would follow in this woman's eyes? Fear? Disgust? Or worst of all, curiousity. With a shudder Releena closed her wings, hoping to avoid that beyond all others.
"Please." She thought desperately. "Please don't wonder how. Please, just tell him to take care of me." Slowly she reached out towards him, her hand seeking his. He was her lifeline. Surely they wouldn't take him already.
But just before she could grasp it, the cool voice of the woman before her broke through:
"Heero Yui, your report?" and with those words Heero snapped off a salute that stole the hand she'd been reaching for.
His reply was calm and concise. "Mission Accomplished. Base destroyed and information obtained. No problems." Releena shivered. How was he going to report her. Why did he have to report her? With a swallow Releena wondered just how many people would he have to report her to? What would happen to her? What would happen to him?
With a jolt Releena realized that Heero's future might be as uncertain as her own. She took a quick step away from him, suddenly hoping to separate herself from him in the eyes of this commander where moments before she'd wanted to blur the line where he began and she ended. What if she'd tainted him already? If simply by rescuing her, he'd broken some rule, committed some unforgivable sin. Surely this organization frowned on their soldiers bringing home strays from their missions. Especially strays as difficult to deal with as her. With a chill she knew they couldn't just let her go, let her wander off home. she had no home to wander back to, she knew too much. They might disown him. But she couldn't regret going with him, couldn't even pretend she'd try. He'd gotten her out; she would have killed to get away from that prison. A small voiced wondered if she could have killed him, if that had been the only way out, after that one clear-eyed gaze, but she shied away from it. No, she would never regret following him up that wall, whatever these new hands that fate had flung her into decided. But she wouldn't drag him down any further, and she hesitantly too another step away from him, her eyes fixed on the stone beneath her feet, concentrating on the gritty and still sun-warmed feel beneath her dirty feet, trying to ignore the sinking feeling that seemed to grow the further from him she got, all as Heero's voice continued his report.
When she heard him state "she says her name is Releena Peacecraft" Releena's startled gaze finally rose again to his face, before she quickly lowered it again, folding her arms tightly around herself. She'd known he'd have to come to her at some point. But why "she says?" did he trust her so little? What had she done to lose him so quickly? Maybe she'd never had him. That this connection she felt was merely in her head, that she would have fallen for anyone who'd saved her. Maybe she really was just part of his job.
"Releena?" she again started, and looked up to find the woman smiling kindly at her, gaze somewhat questioning.
"Hai?" she replied, hesitant as to what would come next, determined not to look at Heero, only to see him uncaring. Maybe it didn't matter what they did to her.
"I'm Lieutenant Noin." The woman seemed momentarily at a loss, looking hopelessly at the frightened girl, the silent boy, and the wings that overshadowed them both, until looking back at Releena's face, and the dirt smudges that seemed to hide half of it she gave a sigh and said the only thing she could think of.
"Would you like a bath while we wait for what will happen next?"
Releena's hand flew to her dirty hair, consciousness of her appearance aside from her wings flooding through her as a blush stained her cheeks. Not only had Heero brought back a winged intruder, she looked like a ragamuffin: filthy, ratty dress, torn open at the back from which the grimy feathers fell. Still, here was the offer of a bath, something civilized, a chance to try and wash the fear from her if only for awhile.
Releena stepped forward, forcing a small smile, and heard herself speak a quiet assent, each movement bringing her further from Heero. She couldn't ask him to accompany her, couldn't beg not to be let out of his sight. The balcony that at his return had lost some of its malevolent watchfulness crept back, and as she stepped out of his protective shadow Releena curled her hands into fists, using the pain of fingernails into soft palms to keep her attention on moving forwards, away from where she wanted to be. Her entire body thrummed with the prayers that he'd offer to go with her, begging him to follow her, or stop her, or anything. She felt that if anyone touched her, they'd hear the voice too, crying out to him. Although she walked towards Noin, who had moved aside to let her back into the bedroom, her entire attention focused on Heero, searching for some sign, some gesture, that could send her running back to him.
But no such sign surfaced, and Releena found herself back in the oppressive, dusty bedroom without having heard his voice. She should turn, thank him, take leave, something. She shouldn't just walk away. But if she did, would that be the end? Would those be the last words she said to him? Was his job finished, her delivery complete? She couldn't do it, couldn't turn and coolly thank him for rescuing her, for changing her life in one day. If she tried, she'd end up… she didn't know where, but she knew she couldn't turn. Not and still leave. She wasn't strong enough for that. The only way she could leave, could let him go, was to keep walking.
She hadn't realized she'd stopped, looking blankly at the open door to the hall, until a hand on her shoulder sent her heart into double time and the rest of her froze like a rabbit. The Lieutenant gestured her once more towards the door. Releena risked a final glance over her shoulder, giving into temptation, but the balcony was already hidden by the clutter, and though she could picture exactly how he stood, she couldn't see him, and she turned back to the hallway.
Lieutenant Noin led the way silently through the halls, taking turns and staircases and Releena followed like a small waif, watching each step she took on the carpet, but hardly noticing the worn elegance they passed, her thoughts trying to find some comfort to cling to. She couldn't allow herself to think of her garden, no, her prison, not with fondness, not matter how she longed to hide in this depths. But now she couldn't allow herself fantasies of her rescuer, who she might never see again. Forbidden these two paths, her mind found an uncomfortable blank, and focused on the patterns flowing beneath her and the muffled tread of the boots of the Lieutenant before her, perhaps finding some secret comfort in the silence she herself walked, until even that was ruined by an unfortunate breeze which ruffled her feathers.
Releena had already stopped unconsciously stopped to avoid walking into the woman in front of her before she awoke to the fact that they were now standing before a small door, set deep into the wall, and she was being handed a small pile of snowy towels, which must have been acquired at an earlier point.
The door opened into a small room, dominated by a large marble tub dug into a raised portion of the floor at the center, and a wall of mirrors covered an entire side, reflecting back the feeble light that found its way thought the narrow windows which were set high in the wall opposite. The whole room had a feeling of disuse, but it was clean and tidy and the soft glow of two electric lights lessened the sense of desertion.
After a moment's struggle, her arms full of the towels and her mind still a determined blank, Releena finally maneuvered herself through the narrow doorway, wincing at the contortions this required in her back to squeeze the wings close. She stood for a moment, until recollecting her guide, she turned uncertainly, some words of belated thanks occurring to her, left over trappings of civility which she had almost forgotten, it'd been so long since she could use them. But Noin spoke first:
"I'm sorry this is the best we can do for you, but mainly we all use the showers, and I don't believe those would" here she paused for a moment, while she sought the proper word "accommodate you." She delivered this speech with a flicker of eyes to the all too evident wings, and Releena hid this flinch that even this small recognition gave her. But the concern was needed, the showers would have been completely useless. The doctors had only ever turned on a hose when it pleased them, or merely sponged off her back. Other than the occasional rain shower, taken from amidst the branches during the few warm months that had been the extent of her bathing. The idea of a bath was an almost daunting luxury. She thanked the Lieutenant absently, and stood looking at the bath as the door closed behind her, clutching the towels to her.
To her right she could see her reflection in the mirror, the wings engulfing her and already declaring dominance over the entire room, and as she walked towards the bath, her attention still caught by the mirror, they seemed to grow larger and whiter still. Finally Releena gave into temptation and turned to face herself full on. She'd avoided all reflections, knowing full well what she'd find, but here there wasn't a way out. That one glance affirmed all her fears, and sent her back to the bath, concentrating on finding a stream of hot water. Hair uncombed and dirty, skin pale under layers of dirt, no wonder Heero had been relieved to be released from her. And above it all, the wings. Resolutely she focused on the taps, avoiding even a glimpse of her damaged back.
She must have lost herself somewhere, for by the time her eyes refoced on the running water the tub had nearly filled, and stopping the flow, she gingerly stepped into it, leaving her crumpled dress on the floor like a shed skin. She watched the tiny ripples that spread out from her, and shivered as the uncommon heat lapped at her skin and she stood for a moment, the water swirling around her thighs, wings held high above her head, stretched to their outmost before she fell forward, almost diving into the water. The warmth was intoxicating, bringing memories of before the orphanage, before…everything. But it wasn't enough. She wanted Heero.
With a blush Releena caught the direction of her thoughts and dunked her head back under the water. Baka, she shouldn't be thinking of him, especially not in the bath! This chastisement did not prove as helpful as she'd hoped, and with another blush Releena reached for the soap, engrossing herself in the task of srubbing away years of neglect. Every time the soap seemed to wash away gray. After washing and rinsing, washing and rinsing, and even giving her hair as thorough a cleansing as she good, Releena drained and refilled the tub, and carefully placed her wings under the water, swishing them back and forth, her hair floating like seaweed amongst the feathers. The wasn't large enough for both wings at once, and she could't reach her back to clean the scars, but just the flow of clean water over her back felt wonderful, almost forbidden.
Finally she dragged herself from the water, leaving the tub to drain as she stood dripping beside it, toweling her hair and how long feathers, which showered droplets with even the smallest movement took to dry. Bad enough having them, but the added weight of water shot occasional stabs of pain through her shoulders, and she was grateful her bath had steamed up the mirrors, so she needn't see how bedraggled she must look. She needed some quiet, sunny place to dry herself, somewhere she could reorganize her scattered thoughts.
She wrapped the towel around herself as best she could, and poked at her dress with a toe, making a face at the gritty garment. She would have to ask for something, she simply wouldn't put that back on after months of wearing it. She brought her hand to her hair, combing her fingers through, trying to removed the worst of the tangles, aware that she would need to devote some serious time to removing the knots that had snarled in her locks and removing the occasional leaf that the bath hadn't found. She felt better, much more equal to deciding her own future and facing whatever she needed to. Perhaps even equal to finding Heero, even if just for a moment. Even thinking his name brought a soft smile to Releena's lips, but before she could revel in ay more thoughts in his direction a sharp rap at the door brought her back to reality. She clutched at her towel closely. She had no real idea of how long had passed since she'd followed Noin off the balcony. For a moment her heart fluttered at the idea of Heero having come to find her, but she resolutely squelched that idea, and hurried to the door before whoever could knock again. How long since someone had even used such a common courtesy as requestiong her permission to enter a room?
But she hadn't expected the unknown face that she found behind the door. Intelligent small eyes looked out at her from a face that had seen more than a few years, but what backed her into the room was the white labcoat and small clipboard in his gnarled hands. They'd sent her another doctor, another scientist. Releena could feel her heartbeat accelerating as he followed her rapid retreat, an assistant close behind him. She desperately tried to convince herself of the differences, tried to listen to what the man in front of her was saying, but all she saw were the looks he kept casting on her wings, lingering now at the tips, now where they joined the back, a look of a almost glee hiding in his face, and never looking directing at her. She continued to back into the room, angling around the tub, searching for another exit. She caught the words "examination, a few tests, for your safety, just want to help" and shook her head numbly. They couldn't possibly expect her to jump back into all that. They COULDN'T. She couldn't. Her back was almost against a wall now, she could fell the stone rasp against her feathers, and the doctor seemed to be growing more impatient with each shake of her head. Releena watched him finally gesture to the assistant, who reached into a pocked and withdrew a syringe and a small bottle.
At the sight of the needle Releena's mind went blank.
