Footsteps

Chapter 11 (mandybean, this one is for you)

Flightlessness

By EvilBunny

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing isn't mine. Surprise.

            It took Releena a full two minutes to untangle herself from the seatbelt, and maneuver herself out of the van. The jolting ride she'd just undergone had left her dazed, hardly able to think beyond the white mass of her wings. Only the empty lot greeted her final, ungraceful entrance.

            Slowly she turned in a full circle, still not understanding the situation. She couldn't seem to grasp anything. She didn't know where they were, where Heero went, how long she'd be kept here. She just didn't know anything, except that he'd practically run to get away.

            To her right sat the cottage, wooden porch and all, which at one point must have been inviting, but tonight sat dark and empty. She knew Heero must have entered it, as she'd heard the slap of a screen door, but no lights glowed in the windows.

            She could too easily imagine living here alone, left and forgotten for an unspecified time that no one seemed able to determine. Compared to her fears on entering the van, this complete isolation was a haven. She could still feel the relief flooding through her when, after taking her courage with both hands, she'd asked the all important question. Her heart had sung, and laughed scornfully at her distrust when Heero given her his response of "Somewhere safe."

            Safe; a word she hadn't believed could still be used, but when he said it she believed him. There was no question of doubt. Although she still knew he was perfectly capable of kill her, of putting a bullet into her as he'd almost done back in the garden, he would never lie to her about it. No, he would tell her would destroy her just as calmly as he had back then.

            Her garden. The dark trees around the van seemed so foreign compared to her old, familiar trunks, but she would know them. She could know them all. What did she really need people for?

            Releena wrapped this thought around her; she had a new world to explore, what did it matter that Heero could hardly wait to be rid of her? Why did this boy, who she barely  knew, why did his presence make the difference between contentment and depression? How could he colour her life so quickly?

            For that was the root of her unhappiness, that although she was safe, she'd be alone. But even if se were surrounded by others, people devoted purely to her comfort and company, she knew she'd be along if he wasn't with her. If she couldn't see a glance of him out of her window, the prospect of having that window lost much of its charm.

            Make no mistake, as she walked up the bath, bare feet barely noticing the sharp gravel and over grown grass, the sound and breath of the mountain around her, she didn't lack for gratitude. Even Heero would never be enough to wish for her prison, his coming to her rescue was an unalloyed joy that even the longing for more than a protector couldn't diminish. Here she walked under her own power, outside of walls, and he was still near.

            Why couldn't that be enough? The prospect of the days to come somehow managed to tarnish even her freedom. He'd leave as soon as possible, she'd almost expected him to open her door, haul her out, and leave her in the driveway as he drove off as fast as he'd driven here.

            She couldn't blame him, not really. OH she could try, she could rail against fate and the pettiness of humans, but she couldn't hate him for wanting back to his life. And she knew part of the reason why she couldn't wish for more, why he wanted to be gone. Even now the light breeze blew a feather against her cheek.

            The car ride had been fine. He'd been quiet, and although the silence had not been a comfortable one, she'd understood that silence was in his nature. How could he know that she was dying inside for some hint to her fate. She'd needed to know, and then, silence broken, she saw him flinch when her wings brushed against him.

            It wasn't a flinch like those you would normally witness and notice, he was far too controlled for that, but she'd seen his muscles tighten, had known that he couldn't stand the touch of them, the touch of the feathers that she felt everyday, every moment.

            That was the last thing she saw for a while, as she fought to keep her wings away from him and the ride became rougher and rougher.

            And the speed! She'd thought they'd certainly slide into a tree, as he seemed to race to be rid of her. She'd even hoped for that very tree as feathers flew everywhere, if only to prolong the ride and his company just that bit longer.

            By now she stood on the old wooden porch, in the darker shadows. Though aged and worn, there were no splinters beneath her feet, each blank a dirty yet smooth surface she seemed to glide over. The door was right in front of her, and he was waiting on the other side.  

            Releena just wanted to stop there, stay on the old porch, outside and free, as long as that meant he'd still be waiting for her on the other side. She didn't want to take a step forward and find out how soon he'd be leaving, find out if he'd even let her say goodbye or brush bye her before she found her voice. But that was selfish and he didn't deserve her hesitation. She couldn't keep this moment any more than she could keep the others with him in them, just like she couldn't shed the ones from before. She had to let him leave.

            But as she depressed the latch, another thought paused her. Worse than seeing him for the last time would be finding the house empty, Heero already gone.

            Releena knew he could manage it, disappear as suddenly as he'd come, sneak off without her noticing a thing. Each time he left her sight it was as if he'd already vanished and it was only an insane belief that he'd come back, or had ever been there at all.

Would he have left the van if he planned on just leaving? Surely not, but then again, it wasn't as if it'd be any use to her without keys or a place to go. She wasn't exactly inconspicuous, it wasn't like she could disappear in a crowd. Would he have just left?

The suspense was too much to bear for longer than a breath, and she quickly continued to push open the door, her heart hammering in its cage. The door crashed into the wall with a sound that echoed like gunshot in the sound starved room, but it was as dark and as empty as she'd feared.

            But that meant nothing. He could easily be deeper in the house, no reason for him to wait for her in this outer room while she made what must have seemed a crawling progress out of the car. Every doubt she'd had he'd disproved, she just had to keep faith a little longer. Still, she couldn't talk away the tension that seemed to dance along her muscles.

            Dark adjusted eyes, more than used to seeing at night, could now just make out a darker doorway across the room. Surely it led to a hall and Heero. She was keeping him waiting.

            The room smelt of dust and disuse, that slight musty smell mixing with the air from outside. Slowly she walked into to room, dust dancing about her ankles in a tickling cloud. There was barely enough light to see by, only a vague sense of furniture. She slid each foot slowly in front of her, hands outstretched, eyes straining, trying to avoid an accident that her wings only made more likely. She was just waiting for the crash that was sure to come.

            Somehow she made it across, but now the hallway gaped blankly before her, no friendly spill of light from under a door guiding her way. Still, he had to be here. She'd heard no car starting, no helicopter roar. Deep down she knew if he'd left already, she'd had no chance of noticing, but even her mind couldn't find a reason for him to have left on foot.

            She stretched her fingers out along the walls, and cautiously continued her progress, now more blind than ever since the light from the open door didn't reach this far. The wood continued smooth though dusty under her toes, the walls equally so beneath her fingers. She could even tell how low the ceiling was from the occasional faint rasp of her wings against it, but no hint of Heero's presence.

            She strained every sense for a clue to his whereabouts, but she couldn't see anything. All she could feel was the wood at her sides and feet and the air that blew against her back. So taunt was she stretched that when her fingers encountered the sudden difference in texture of a door she nearly jumped, pulling her hands back in as if burned. Her heart, already thumping, leaped twice before she could laugh at her own foolishness.

            Without hesitation she opened the door. Anything was better than the dark, empty hall. The faint light from an uncurtained window seemed to flood out into the hall, but she was already searching the inside. The room was a small bedroom, sparsely furnished. The little she could see of it seemed comfortable, though unused, but it was empty.

            Heero wasn't there. Releena swallowed her disappointment, and resisted searching through the closet and under the bed; this wasn't some sick game of hide and seek, she just needed to go deeper. She turned to continue down that hall, and as she turned she reached behind her, searching for the wall. Instead of the expected wood, her fingers came up against cloth.

            With a small cry she could not quite suppress she spun to see the source; Heero stood barely a foot farther along the hall, now visible in the lighter darkness coming from the open doorway.

             He was so close. How long ad he stood there, not speaking while she searched silently in the dark? How could he have been there without her noticing, without her hearing some sign? Years spent listening for guards she couldn't see had made her an expert at catching the sound of footfalls, a careless breath, but of him she hadn't had a clue. Had he been watching without her knowledge as she blindly sought him?

            Still, despite the suddenness of his appearance and her still scattered nerves, her senses thrilled to his presence. She now bitterly regretted that she'd snatched back her hand when she'd first touched him as he now backed up a step, out of reach. She found however, as he stood looking at her, that now that she'd found him, she didn't know what to say.

            "I…I couldn't find you." She stammered, the thought foremost in her mind coming out her mouth at his retreat. She hadn't meant for it to sound so lost, but her mind was still on the thought of twining her fingers around the fabric of his shirt, of resting her cheek against him as he carried her, contact that seemed foreign now. Still, she managed to keep any tones of betrayal from her statement. When he left her, she didn't want him taking guilt. He'd done too much for her to allow that repayment.

            He'd already started to reply, although the words seemed to ignore her statement..

"The Generator is on now." Crisp. Neutral, and a sensible answer. Of course, the generator. They were much too far from a major city to have power lines, that was where he'd been, probably out back somewhere.

            "The lights should work now." He continued, and with that he reached past her to click on an overlooked switch by the door. She'd just enough time to feel the brush of his arm against her in the dark when the harsh light of the bulb sent her hiding behind her arms; after the gentle dark a hundred watts seemed much too bright.

            Eyes dazzled by the onslaught, she could still hear Heero in military exactness explaining something.

            "The kitchen is farther down the hall, same with the bathroom. You'll stay in that room to your left, I'll be the next one on the right. There should be any trouble."

            Now she felt him move away, and tried to lift her eyes enough to see; she still couldn't hear any footsteps. Peeking under her arm, she just glimpsed him turn into the next door on the right, and close it solidly behind him without looking back.

            She was alone in the too bright hall, and so she turned back to the bedroom he'd directed she use. He'd be down the hall? He was staying?

            Her senses were reeling. After the wild drive, his coldness, he was staying? He was just down the hall, he was staying with her; maybe not forever, but he was here tonight, and that was good enough.

            The light from the hall now lit the room, casting a golden glow on the wood. The entire building seemed made of wood, so different from the stone she'd been surrounded with, but still the room seemed empty. The windows were blankly open, no curtains or blinds, and a dust cover hid the chair and what seemed to be a desk. Even the bed had no sheets, only a mattress in an old frame.

            Still, the bedclothes were surely in one of the two dressers along the wall. The house had obviously been unused for awhile, why would the room be waiting as if ready for guests? What had she expected, the bed made and sheets turned down with chocolate? That Heero had as well as finding the generator gotten her room ready?

            Giddy with the relief of his continued company, Releena laughed softly to herself as she dug out the sheets and pillowcases. The idea  of Heero playing maid was just too ridiculous to let go. The sheets were where she'd thought they'd be, as well as an old quilt and pillows, and Releena swiftly relearn the skill of making a bed.

            When the sheets were tucked and the pillow plumped, Releena stilled her chuckles and looked at the bed. There was no way she could sleep there, indoors, on something so soft, in this empty room. He was staying with her, she was free, this room represented nothing of that. She had to get outside.

            And she could. There were no bars here, no walls or locks stopping her. She wouldn't have to hid between the trees, there were no guards to avoid at all costs. Her only guard now she'd be happy to be found by.

            Grabbing the old quilt she draped it over an arm as she stepped back into the hall. But should she tell Heero where she was going? Would he worry? She walked softly to his door and stood hesitantly before it.

            The door looked just like any other, but she'd seen him go in. Carefully she pressed an ear against it, both palms leaning into it, up on her toes.

            Nothing. He could be in there or not, and she had no way to tell. She couldn't even tell when he was in the same hall as her. Still, she held her breath and listened for any sign that he was there and awake. She didn't want to wake him if he'd already fallen asleep and he couldn't have gotten much rest since her arrival.

            Nothing, and she wasn't brave enough to knock. Still she waited a bit longer until afraid he'd open the door to find her listening up against it, she stepped back. He'd be still be there tomorrow and she wouldn't go far. He had no need to worry, and she wasn't even sure he would. If he wanted to find her, she knew he'd have no difficulty.

            Releena smiled, shifted the weight of the quilt and turned back to the entrance to find her way out.