Dragon Ball Z: Dynasty

Written by: Feraligreater328 and StevenBodner

Edited by: StevenBodner and SparkerLightning

A/N: Hey all. Sorry this took so long. Lots of changes in my life, yo. Lots of changes. That's made the schedule for 2021 suffer and, I'm being honest, it's probably going to make 2022 suffer. That's life, ya know? I'm making things better for me and this upcoming year, I'm hoping, will have lots of explosive change. What does that mean for Dynasty? Uh...I'll be honest...we probably won't see the Pink Fella next year. Lots of stuff I wanna do with characters and stuff and I don't wanna sacrifice build-up and character work just to get to a goal quicker. I've never done that and I'm not gonna start now.

So, where do we go from here? Well, reasonably...I'm gonna promise this. We will be at the World Martial Arts Tournament by the end of 2022. That's my goal. Will we exceed that? Maybe. But that's my main goal.

Thanks for an awesome 2021, peeps. I look forward to your continued viewership. :)

Chapter 129: The Galactic Pro-Wrestling League

On the Planet Cruiser, Turles' Quarters...

Slug sneered as a Viking helmet and a flowery brassiere went flying past his head. He snarled. "Why are we bothering with this?! She sent us the coordinates to find M1! Her use is over! Leave her to deal with Cooler's brats and let's go to our plan!"

Zangya rolled her eyes with a disgusted sigh. Bardock crossed his arms over his chest. Turles' head popped up from behind the trunk he was digging in. "NO! We don't abandon people, Slug! Especially friends!"

Slug shook his head. "She's not a friend. She's a traitor. She betrayed Cooler's side because we paid her Turles. With money!"

Turles countered, still digging. "Sometimes friendships start with money and evolve from there! Also, on another subject, what size and style of fake mustache do you wear?"

Slug roared. "I'M NOT WEARING A GODDAMNED FAKE MUSTACHE!"

And then, Slug gripped his chest and slumped down. Immediately, Turles ran up to his older comrade. "H-Hey! Calm down. You haven't slept yet this evening, Slug..."

Slug groaned and gurgled. Turles shouted. "Kakuja! Gyoshu! Get your wrinkly asses in here and get Slug to his chambers!"

At once, the two green-faced goblins came running in. Turles gave Slug a pat on the back and smiled. "Go get some rest. I'll make you a nice costume, okay?"

Slug growled, but it was quite muted. Slowly, he skulked away to be cared for. Once Slug was gone, Zangya glanced over at Turles. "So, you're going to be saving this Bonyu chick? Okay then. How do you plan to do that? Do you know where the ship she was on is?"

Bardock shook his head. "Unlikely. Most tech used by the Planet Trade Organization features signal cloaking. Unless you're in a ship that's in that network, you can't find them unless they wanna be found..."

Turles snapped his organic fingers. "Precisely! Trying to hunt the ship down would be fruitless! But...I know one person on that ship, so I have a plan~"

Bardock and Zangya both cocked their heads. Turles smirked at them. Then, he called out again. "Lakasei! Raisen!"

Another pair of goblins came rushing into the room, these two being purple and with bulbous heads. They spoke in stereo. "Yes, Master?"

Turles continued to rummage. "Make a call to the Galactic Pro-Wrestling League. Tell them that they have an eager entrant into their New Blood Tournament. Bribe our way in if you gotta."

Lakasei and Raisen nodded. "Yes, Master."

As the two of them floated off, Zangya cringed. "Creepy little freaks. Why do they always talk in unison like that?!"

Turles quickly answered. "I revived them both from the same fossil. So, I think they might've been one guy in a past life."

Zangya shuddered. "R-Revived them from a fossil?!"

Bardock was unfazed. He began to walk around Turles' room, taking in everything within his brother's private space. "So, we're infiltrating the GPWL? Why?"

Turles chuckled. "Well, ya see, the green dude that nabbed Bonyu was familiar. Only managed to catch a glance of him, but I'm sure that was Dore of the Cooler Armored Squadron~ So that gives us two advantages in this little conflict~"

Bardock stopped at Turles' desk, looking everything over. "And those are?"

Turles held up his metal index finger. "One! The Armored Squadron lead their own ship. So, luck willing, we don't have to deal with Cooler or The General."

His metal middle finger popped up. "Two! Dore is stupid~ And stupid folk are easily provoked~"

Zangya crossed her arms. "Still not following."

Turles' other three metal fingers popped up. "Five time! Five time! Five time! Five time! Five time! That's how many times Dore held the GPWL Heavyweight Title! Five times before Cooler recruited him! He loves that gaudy trinket!"

Turles looked at the two with a glimmer in his eyes. "So, what do you think will happen if we were to take that belt for ourselves~?"

Zangya nodded. "Ah. I see. We're going to dangle a carrot and when the rabbit comes in-"

Turles cheered. "Whack it with a stick~!"

Zangya and Turles both hooted, slapping each other five and then doing a double fist-bump. For just a moment, the smile on Zangya's face was radiant. Then, she saw a very confused Bardock staring at the two of them and immediately pulled away, loudly clearing her throat. Turles smiled and laughed. "You okay?"

Zangya glared away. "Wh-Whatever. It's a decent plan...I guess..."

Turles turned toward Bardock and his desk. "What about you, bro? Think it's a good plan?"

Bardock still looked confused. But it quickly became clear that it wasn't due to Turles and Zangya's cavorting. Slowly, he raised up a rack of test-tubes, all labeled with his name. "I-Is... this... my blood?"

Turles giddily nodded. "Uh-huh~ I took an entire pint a few weeks ago. Been running tests~"

Bardock cringed. "For what?!"

Turles walked up, snatching the tubes away and setting them gently onto his desk. "I wanna figure out the cause of the weird, golden-haired thing you do. Duh~"

Bardock grimaced. "I-I told you! It's Super Saiyan!"

Turles was glib, blowing a raspberry. "Pfftb! No, it's not~"

Bardock was taken aback. "What...is that supposed to mean?!"

Turles shrugged. "Big brother, I spent the decades you were apparently dead researching every aspect of Saiyan culture from Yamoshi the God to Cumber the Devil and every Vegeta that ever became King. I know what Super Saiyan is."

The scientist cleared his throat, putting on a faux-mystical voice. "When the primal rage of the Oozaru is given man's form, his power shall run amuck and lo! That disastrous being shall truly be called a Super Saiyan!"

Turles rolled his eyes. "People were so overdramatic in the ancient past..."

Bardock sneered. "Yeah. They could have overhyped the description, Turles. My golden-haired form is Super Saiyan."

Turles shook his head. "Nah. No text or legend ever mentions golden hair. ALSO! How many people can do it that you know of? You, your youngest, Cassava's oldest, your friggin' pre-teen grandkid, that sexy guy that killed Abo and Kado..."

Bardock grimaced. "Please quit calling Vegeta's son sexy..."

Turles smirked. "All I'm saying is the badass swordsman look does it for the chicks, Bardock. Why, a couple decades ago, I-"

Zangya snapped. "THE POINT!"

Turles glanced at her and chuckled. "Heh~ Slug is rubbing off on you, cutie pie~"

Zangya's face boiled red, steam practically shooting from her skin. "That's it! I'm going to bed!"

And she turned to stomp away, Turles called after her. "Hold up! I need your measurements!"

Zangya continued to stomp away. "I think you got enough of my measurements earlier!"

Turles sighed. "Well...she ain't wrong. I think I can make her a costume based off what I remember..."

Bardock glanced down as his brother began to rummage through what was shown to be a chest full of fabric, costume pieces, and other such bric-a-brac. Bardock cocked his head. "Okay, you still haven't answered though...why are you making costumes?"

Turles smirked. "I already said it earlier. We have a wrestling show to infiltrate, Bardock. Gotta look the part~"

Hours later, on the deck of Planet Cruiser...

Lord Slug, Bardock, and Zangya all stood on the deck staring out towards their destination which had finally come into sight: The Palisade Magma Squared Planetoid!

Zangya scoffed. "What an ugly, mouthful of a name for such an ugly planet..."

As the rest of the crew gathered around to gawk, Zangya shuddered. "I passed by Turles' room on the walk out here and I heard a stitching machine going a break-neck speed. He's really in there making costumes, huh?"

Slug nodded, looking tired. "Unfortunately."

Bardock turned to Slug. "You say that with a tone of grim acceptance..."

Amond nodded. "Yeah. It's just the norm around here. Turles loves costumes and shit. Why do you think we're all wearing these goofy, pirate get-ups?"

Daiz laughed. "We were just a ragtag bunch when we joined forces with Slug's group. Then, after Planet Vegeta bit it, Turles sulked and then came out with the costume idea~"

Zeeun sneered. "We're supposed to be warriors, goddammit..."

Angila sighed. "And then we were ninjas for a while..."

Wings scratched his head. "And then Turles' fascination with ninjas ended and we became pirates..."

Medamatcha grimaced. "And then there was that weird time where Turles made us all dress in robes, and carry swords, and name the swords...it got so convoluted near the end..."

Lakasei and Raisen both spoke. "So, we became pirates again."

A long silence. Then Wings spoke. "Turles was looking at superhero and supervillain costume ideas a couple of months ago."

Slug snarled and punched Wings to the ground. "OH, GOD DAMN IT!"

Angila shook his head. "Fear not, my Lord. That idea has been rapidly losing steam lately..."

Turles came marching out of the interior of the ship, four garment bags in one arm and a crate slung over the other. "My plans never run out of steam, Angila! They just change direction!"

Zangya groaned. "Not as reassuring as you seem to think that sounds..."

Turles regarded the cube-shaped planetoid, lava spraying off of its sides and into cold space where it quickly hardened into various sizes of asteroid. "So, here's the plan. We four...that's me, Slug, Zangya, and Bardock...will be infiltrating the tournament to get the belt!"

Turles turned to the crew. "Daiz, you're in charge of the other group! Take Amond, Angila, Medamatcha, Lakasei, and Raisen and sneak into the arena. I need you to take over the broadcasting equipment down there quickly and quietly. We're going to need it to get Dore's attention~"

Daiz nodded with a smirk. "Of course, Turles. No sweat."

Turles pointed again. "Wings, Cacao, and Zeeun. You three will be staying here for two reasons. One, we need people here to keep the grunts below ready in case things get dicey. And two, you're all dumb and loud."

Wings groaned, rubbing the bump on his head. "I'm not dumb..."

Zeeun screamed. "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME LOUD?!"

Cacao roared. "СУЦК МЙ АССХОЛЕ, БИТЦХ!"

Turles smiled brightly. "Good! Now that everyone knows their roles, let's get moving~ Bardock, Slug, and Zangya! Follow me and I'll tell you all about the characters you're playing~"

Turles led the way and Bardock, Slug, and Zangya, each a battle-hardened warrior in their own right, followed behind with utterly fearful looks on their faces.

Down on the surface of the Palisade Magma Squared Planetoid...

The Palisade Magma Squared Planetoid! An artificial world made by the owners of the Galactic Professional Wrestling League! Despite lacking an atmosphere, the top of the planetoid has been made a livable place due to super trees which provide a rich haze of breathable air across the surface! The planetoid is heated by the magma core pressed into the center, which itself is sustained by the very asteroids it produces being fed back into it!

This place is home to the Galactic Professional Wrestling League in its entirety! A bloodsport tournament where the most dangerous creatures in the Western Galaxy gather to battle until death or forfeit! Today is a special day for this bloody business, a New Blood Tournament to fill in the many blanks that competitor deaths have left in the regular roster!

The prize for tonight's tournament? A shot at the GPWL Heavyweight Title!

Within the GPWL stadium, Announcer's box...

Sitting in the announcer's box, in the middle of a bloodthirsty crowd, a mushroom-headed alien sat with a smirk on his face. He bellowed into the microphone. "Welcome one-and-all! Today is the day you folks have been waiting for! Today is the New Blood Tournament! Here today: our new, spirited competitors will face off in a series of deadly matches to see if any of them are up to snuff to join the hallowed ranks of the GPWL roster!"

He stood. "But that's not all folks! Today's winner not only gets a guaranteed contract, but they also get a special exhibition match! That's right, ladies and gentlemen: the winner of this tournament will get to fight our current, reigning champion! KING SPHINX!"

Next to the toadstool announcer, a massive mound of muscle stood and roared. He had a body that appeared to be sculpted of no less than marble and a feline face framed by a regal headdress. A hulking creature with feathery wings and a whipping, feline tail. King Sphinx was a formidable creature. The announcer cried out. "But! Let's not forget who this tournament is truly meant to honor! The single, longest-reigning champion in this federations history and the person who single handedly put us into the sports conversation of the Western Galaxy: DORE OF PLANET BEPPA!"

The spotlights in the building all pointed directly towards a giant statue in front of a giant waterfall of flowing magma. Dore stood there, a stone statue hoisting a belt high. He wore nothing but a pair of purple trunks and he had a furious roar sculpted into his features. The announcer screamed. "THAT'S HIM, FOLKS! A CHAMPION SO TOUGH THAT THE ONLY WAY HE COULD LOSE THE BELT WAS TO VOLUNTARILY RELINQUISH IT! DORE! THE WINNER OF 4,000 BLOODY FIGHTS! THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME!"

A furious snarl erupted from the other seat and the mushroom-headed talking head turned to King Sphinx. The wrestler looked displeased, baring his fangs and glaring. The mushroom-headed alien nervously chuckled. "S-Sorry, King Sphinx...no disrespect~"

The announcer cleared his throat. "B-But, anyway...now we get down to the tournament! It'll be a three-round affair today folks! The quarter-final round, the semi-final round, and then the final! And then the winner of that match will get the honor of facing down the glorious King Sphinx!"

King Sphinx snarled. "They'll earn the right to die!"

The announcer cried out. "WELL SAID, KING SPHINX! NOW THEN, LET'S GET DOWN TO THE FIRST MATCH!"

Down at the ring...

The crowd cheered as the jumbo-tron at the top of the ramp began to flash and the entrance music began to play for the first competitor.

"I always feel like, somebody's watchin' me~"

"And I have no privacy, oh oh~"

The announcer called out the tale of the tape. "First up to the ring, weighing at least 30 pounds per eyeball, and hailing from Planet Macula in the Southern Galaxy: IT'S EYE-GUY!"

From behind the curtain at the top of the ramp, a slithering pile of multi-colored eyes made their way to the ring. With a horrifying jumble of squishing and squelching noises, they eventually formed into the shape of a person. The announcer spoke again. "Eye-Guy is infamous in the Western Galaxy! He's a horrifying monster that rips out and ingests the eyes of his foes!"

Eye-Guy's hideous formed opened what could only be described as its mouth and revealing a massive eye at the center, this one with a bright red iris. It let loose a haunting shriek and several of the eyes making its body swelled, rupturing and sending white-hot streams of ocular fluid shooting into the crowd, slicing defenseless spectators to pieces. The announcer yelped. "And that, folks, was Eye-Guy's signature technique: The Space Ripper Stingy Eyes!"

The bloodthirsty crowd, uncaring that a number of their own had just been killed, erupted into chants and cheers for the monster in the ring. From his seat above the action, King Sphinx scoffed. "I'm not impressed. I would crush that damned, ugly thing."

The announcer nodded. "King Sphinx is confident, folks! But let's see how he feels when our next competitor makes his way down!"

Once again, the jumbo-tron above the entrance ramp began to flash. This time, a certain piece of instrumental music began to play. King Sphinx sneered. "This one couldn't even afford a singer for their theme?"

The mushroom head responded. "Our new competitor's manager calls this piece 'Solid State Scouter'! He says it's the anthem of his client, a man who makes even modern-day scouters explode out of fear!"

The curtain parted and the four members of this new wrestling squad walked out to the cheering and jeering crowd. The alien announcer called out. "Now, I will introduce our new meat for the grinder!"

The spotlight turned to a confidently smirking man in a wheelchair. He was dressed in a loudly colored, three-piece suit with a pair of rhinestone glasses totally shielding his eyes from view. His leg was bound in a cast and he wore a wide-brimmed hat with a garish feather poking from the band. The announcer shouted out. "The manager of the group known simply as the C.A.S. Crushers: SWEET T!"

Turles beamed from his wheelchair, flashing piece signs to the crowd and eating up the attention. The announcer continued. "I have been told, by Sweet T himself that he is...uh..."

The announcer cleared his throat. "...a cool cat that don't cop out when there's danger all about... He's a complicated man, and no one understands him but...his woman?"

The announcer sighed. "We're gonna get sued... But! Anyway, Sweet T is hungry for his client's success! He wants to end this night with King Sphinx down for the count and that gold raised high!"

Turles pumped his fists into the air and cried out. "LET ME HEAR YOU PEOPLE HOLLER!"

The crowd eagerly responded. The three people around "Sweet T" simply groaned. They were much less enthusiastic about this. The valet of the group was next to be announced. She was a beauty with orange hair and teal skin. She was dressed in a refined, but rather tight silver dress with a massive, white feather boa hung around her neck. She had an expensive pair of hoop earrings and a tastefully done makeup job with a pair of gold-rimmed sunglasses tying the look together. She had a rather expensive cigar chomped between her teeth, but she didn't appear to be enjoying it in the slightest. The announcer called out. "And next is the valet for the C.A.S. Crushers: ZANGALENA!"

The crowd hooted and hollered at the woman, a barely disguised and rather annoyed Zangya. The announcer continued. "She's a woman of luxurious tastes! She bathes in champagne and diamonds! She eats gold and jewels three meals a day! She smokes the finest cigars so she doesn't have to breathe common air! She's the financial backing of this group and she's got some high expectations for tonight, ladies and gentlemen!"

Zangya hacked and coughed, tears welling in the corners of her eyes. She spat and glared at Turles, holding the cigar at arm's length. "I hate you..."

Turles whined. "Oh, come on! Don't you have a professional bone in your body?! You have to stay in character!"

Zangya sneered back, rather hoarse. "This character is stupid, this idea is stupid, and you are SO STUPID!"

Turles quietly snapped at her. "How is this stupid?!"

Zangya hissed. "King Sphinx is right there! Let's MURDER HIM! Then we can just take the belt!"

Next to be announced was the team coach. He was a tall, green-skinned man wearing a bright red tracksuit with a gaudy, leopard-print dress shirt and a gold chain screaming out from underneath. Atop his head was a massive, fake afro and on his upper lip appeared to be a long, fuzzy-black caterpillar. Strapped across his chest was a brown leather holster with a massive Taurus Judge Revolver held tightly in its embrace. The announcer called. "NEXT UP IS THE TEAM TRAINER, DOC SLUGGINS!"

The crowd howled and the announcer continued. "Doc Sluggins is a salty, old soul! He's a wrestler from back in the day, so no one really remembers him! He wants nothing more than to regain his former glory by teaming with the C.A.S. Crushers!"

Slug sneered. "I hate Zangya and I hate agreeing with her, but I do agree with her: I hate you."

Turles groaned. "You too?"

Slug rolled his eyes. "The belt is right there, Turles. Also, why did you give me a gun?! Do I look like I need a damned gun?!"

Turles sighed. "First off, stealing the belt isn't enough. We're here to taunt Dore into doing what we want, if we just steal it he might stay clear-headed enough to not play into our hands. We gotta piss him off, Slug. Also, the gun is part of your costume! It shows the vulnerability of your 'Doc Sluggins' character as he faces the rigors of age, and-"

Zangya spoke up. "Trade you this nasty cigar for it."

Slug pulled the strap over his shoulder and tossed it to Zangya. "Deal."

Zangya caught it with a relieved sigh and handed the stogie to Slug, who took a deep inhale and let a plume of smoke billow from his mouth. Turles sighed. "Rewrites. I'm gonna have to spend the time between rounds doing rewrites..."

Finally, the challenger himself took the spotlight. Unlike the other three, he was all business. He was dressed in modified battle armor with a back-muscle supporting tube snaking over his neck. On his forearms were a pair of black and garnet bracers and on his feet were a pair of black and garnet boots. Over his face he wore a mask, a white covering with a stylized black X-shape across it and a green jewel on his forehead. Nothing else about the fellow's face was able to be seen, except for a haunting pair of glowing, beady red eyes. His body language was all business. The announcer shouted. "AND FINALLY, THE MAIN DRAW OF THIS FEARSOME FOURSOME! KID GORGEOUS!"

Bardock shuddered as the announcer read off what he thought was a truly stupid name. "I don't understand why we couldn't just go with the Masked Saiyan..."

Turles sneered. "That name is dull. And basic. And boring. And it would tip Dore off that something is up. It would be a better name if you would have just worn the costume I made you."

Bardock shook his head. "Hell no. I have dignity, unlike Zangya and Slug."

The two of them sneered and each mumbled a truly wretched swear under their breaths. Turles flinched back, a bit hurt. "Are you saying you think my ideas are embarrassing?!"

Bardock was blunt. "Yes. You write like a two-year-old."

Turles was...honestly at a loss for words. His eyebrows were knit like he was about to actually cry. Bardock flinched. "Uh, hey...I didn't..."

Turles jerked his gaze away, clearly feeling hurt. "No. I understand. Don't worry. If 'Kid Gorgeous' doesn't work for you, then I'll make up a new name."

Bardock sighed. "F-Fine. Thanks..."

Turles mumbled. "We'll see about dignity, jackass..."

Bardock turned. "What?"

ROUND #1: Eye-Guy vs. Kid Gorgeous!

Bardock continued to stare back at the pouting Turles as the bell rang. Once he finally turned to face his opponent, the Saiyan couldn't help but flinch at the utterly revolting sight before him. He took a step back. "Jeez. I've seen some shit in my life, but you are HAUNTING. How does a revolting mess like you deal with debris and shit?!"

Eye-Guy gurgled and his entire body began to writhe and blink. "LIKe...tHiS..."

All of the pupils on Eye-Guy's body grew wide and then the each began to fire an energy beam at his opponent. Bardock quickly dived out of the way, evading the beams and trying his best to gain a handle on the situation. The older Saiyan leapt up onto the ropes and used them to shoot forward, smashing his fist into one of the gestating eyes and wretching behind the mask as his arm sank all the way in. "Ughghghghgh..."

Bardock quickly wrenched his arm out, finding it to be sticky and damp with ocular humor.

But this apprehension only lasted a moment. Quickly, Bardock rammed into his opponent and sent him flying into the ropes. Eye-Guy bounced off and came flying back at Bardock, who took him down with a heavy clothesline across the squirming, blinking chest. This time, however, Eye-Guy didn't go flying back. Bardock looked down at his arm, seeing that it had become stuck in the sticky, liquid coating oozing from between Eye-Guy's various parts. The monster cackled and raised his tree-trunk thick arms, also made of squirming eyes.

He brought them down onto Bardock's head and then sent the Saiyan flying high into the air with a blinking foot to the jaw.

Bardock quickly sustained himself and responded by raining down ki blasts. Eye-Guy responded to this by exploding into individual eyes and scattering away from danger. Bardock landed and shuddered again, finding himself locked into the stare of hundreds of eyes. Eye-Guy cackled. "I...sEE...ALL~"

Bardock nodded. "Yeah. That's a bit of a problem. You're a lumbering oaf, but you literally see in every direction. No sneak attacks. No being crafty. I'm gonna have to overpower you..."

Eye-Guy hissed. "yoU...Can...tRRy!"

All at once, the Eye-Balls shot towards Bardock, pelting him and smashing into him with the force of a cannonball. Bardock fell to the ground to avoid being struck, but then Eye-Guy quickly reformed above him. The beast held out his gestating hands, each of the eyes making of his fingers and palms staring right at Bardock. Every last one of them glowed and then fired a beam, engulfing Bardock and causing an explosion that sent Eye-Guy high into the air. Eye-Guy snarled. "Now..DIE!"

Bardock responded to that with a snarl of his own. "SOLAR FLARE!"

The smoke surrounding Bardock was quickly blown away by a beam of searing light. Up in the air and with no way to dodge, all the monster could do was take his own personal hell, shrieking in pain and horror as every eye that made him up was sizzled and made totally blind, without even an eyelid to shield them from the pain.

Eye-Guy hit the ring with a splat, screeching and snarling, sending out sharpened nerve endings from between his eyes to try and blindly stab at Bardock. Bardock sat atop a ring turnbuckle, shaking his head. "Sorry monster. You lose. Destructo-Darts."

Bardock extended a finger and fired blast after piercing blast, watching with revulsion as each of Eye-Guy's blinded components burst apart like slimy balloons. Soon, all that was left in the ring was a pile of shredded sclera and an ocean of blood and humor. Bardock shook his head. "Let's just file that away with the PTSD and the visions of the future as something that I wanna forget..."

As Bardock leapt down from the ring, quickly being followed by his three-man posse, the mushroom-headed announcer called out. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH, BY OPPONENT FATALITY, IS KID GORGEOUS!"

Backstage, in the broadcast control room...

Various members of the backstage crew groaned and struggled as they were all huddled into a corner, bound and gagged. The only two yet to be restrained were the boorish, overweight producer and his mousey, frightened secretary. Angila and Wings loomed over the two, Angila looking serious. "We have been ordered by our leader not to harm you or any of your crew so long as you obey our commands to the letter. Kindly submit."

The producer sneered. "Screw you, pretty boy! I don't give a shit what happens to anybody in this room! I won't have my reputation sullied by letting a bunch of thugs steal the studio's money!"

The secretary gasped. "But sir-"

The producer snapped. "Shut your damned mouth, Hisho! This is nothing you need to comment on!"

Properly cowed, the secretary shied back. The producer turned back around and sneered. "And you too-"

Wings punched him in the mouth, knocking him to the ground. Angila sighed and rubbed his hand over his face at the rotund bat demon and Medamatcha piled onto the producer and began to beat him mercilessly, demanding the codes to the safe containing all of the GPWL's production money.

Angila walked over to the safe. "Lakasei? Raisen?"

The two spoke in unison. "It is a quadruple encrypted locking mechanism with dozens of failsafes per layer. We have only managed to drill down twice before being locked out."

Angila sneered and tossed a punch at the safe, shaking his head and pulling his bloodied fist away as the door didn't budge. "Damned Katchin..."

Angila turned towards the monitors overseeing the camera angles of the actual show. Daiz was working hard, figuring out the system so that he could pull off the shots Turles wanted for the big finale. Amond, meanwhile, sat in the producer's chair and enjoyed the show. "That was a quick fight. But I guess that's just Bardock..."

Angila glared at Amond. "Have you ever heard the phrase about idol hands, Amond?"

Amond snapped back. "Yeah, they're good for whacking you upside the friggin' skull. Now be quiet, I'm trying to watch the matches here. Whoever wins this'll be the next guy Bardock has to fight~"

Down by the ring...

The first round went by in a flash, leaving only four wrestlers left for the semi-final round. The crowd was hot with bloodlust and anticipation. The mushroom-headed announcer yowled in the mic. "Here we are, folks! The much anticipated second round! Let's skip the preamble and get right down to the action as we welcome the vicious Pirantis to the ring!"

"Ocean Man~

Take me by the hand, lead me to the land~

That you understand~"

Waddling to the ring was what appeared to be a truly puny creature. A small, scaly little guy with dull eyes and two fins atop his head. This was Pirantis, a Piscian from Planet Acquafer in the Eastern Galaxy. Uneasy on his legs or on dry land, the shimmering fellow climbed awkwardly into the ring and put up his fists with an uneasy expression.

Next up, accompanied by Solid State Scouter, came C.A.S. Crush. Zangalena, Doc Sluggins, and Sweet T formed a perimeter around their wrestler, forcing some of the more forward members of the crowd back as they tried to grab at Bardock.

Bardock groaned. "This is ridiculous. Noisy, asshole fans. And they wouldn't even let us watch the other matches because of some stupid fair battle rule? Isn't this a goddamned death sport?!"

The mushroom-headed announcer called out. "And now, coming to the ring with his usual posse...and apparently with a new ring name to boot! Here comes KID PRESENTABLE!"

Bardock immediately glared at Turles. "Really?! I ask you to give me a better name and you decide to be petty?!"

Turles pouted. "Don't like my name? Fine. Enjoy this one..."

Bardock groaned. "First off, I'm not a kid. I'm over 50. Second off, downgrading me from gorgeous to presentable isn't just a petty insult to me, it's a petty insult onto yourself. We share a face, Turles."

Turles glared. "Fine. Still gonna complain? Let me try again."

As the two brothers bickered, Zangya cleared her throat. "Hey, I have a question."

Turles turned with a smile and a sweet-tone of voice. "Yes, my Love~?"

Zangya sneered. "Ugh. I was just wondering why you called yourself 'Sweet T'? Mine and Slug's are just altered versions of our names. And you've explained the petty-ass reasons behind Bardock's name. But why that for you?"

Turles adopted a confident smirk, lowering his sunglasses and winking at Zangya as he shot her a pair of finger guns. "I'm called Sweet T cuz when the ladies get hot, they find me refreshing~"

Annoyed, an angry vein bulged from Zangya's head and, without hesitation, she kicked over Turles' wheelchair, spilling him onto the ground. Zangya, Slug, and Bardock continued walking without so much as stopping to check on Turles.

Soon enough, he came rolling after them with a flustered shriek. "YOU DON'T JUST KNOCK OVER WHEELCHAIRS LIKE THAT! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!"

ROUND #2: Pirantis vs. Kid Presentable!

Bardock cocked his head as he looked at the small, unassuming Pirantis. "H-How in the hell did you survive the first round? You're so small..."

Zangya snapped. "Focus, idiot! That's a Piscian! You can't judge them based on looks!"

The bell rang and Bardock obeyed, lunging forward and shoulder tackling the little thing across the ring. Pirantis slammed into the turnbuckle, sliding to the mat and letting his head hang limp. Bardock cringed as he watched blood flow from between Pirantis' sharp fangs. "Ugh...really?"

The Bardock of the past wouldn't have cared, but the Bardock of the present felt a larger share of shame for beating on a foe with so little to him. He turned to Zangya. "Can't judge them based on looks, huh?!"

Zangya rolled her eyes. "Fine. Die. See if I care..."

Slug crossed his arms over his chest. Turles leaned over and whispered to Zangya. "Hey...what exactly is going on right now...?"

Zangya sighed. "Dampening. It's something the Piscians are famous for. Bardock is going to have more trouble than he seems to be bargaining for..."

Bardock jerked his head back to Pirantis. "What are you...talking...what the hell?"

Pirantis was back on his feet, grinning from ear-to-ear. Hissing from beneath his scales was some kind of fine mist. It rose and curled into the air, mixing with the heat from the lava and making a massive cloud. Bardock flinched. Pirantis cackled, his mouth flapping and gnashing, showing the shredded remains of his last opponent in his teeth.

And then the rain fell.

Bardock took a step back. "Whoa. Whoa...shit..."

The rain began to shower down, landing on Pirantis. The little cretin began to swell and bulge, growing larger and more visceral. His fangs burst from his lips and his fins became razor-sharp. Pirantis shrieked and bared his claws at Bardock. "You're chum, bitch!"

Like a bolt of lightning, Pirantis charged forward and crashed into Bardock, digging nail-like talons and razor-edged scales into the Saiyans exposed flesh. Bardock cried out in pain as blood exploded from him, shooting out and showering the crowd in red. Pirantis sneered and opened his mouth wide, ready to take a bite right out of Bardock's head. Bardock snarled. "GET THE HELL OFFA ME!"

Bardock hammered his fist into Pirantis' cheek three times and the monster howled, stumbling back. Bardock cringed and looked down at the shredded flesh on his fist. "Damn. This'll be tricky..."

Pirantis howled. "I'll kill you for that!"

He charged Bardock again, leaving a wave of water in his wake as he moved at top speed. He took a swipe that Bardock barely dodged, sending a shockwave out into the crowd and shredding a couple dozen people to death. Pirantis raised his hands into the air, but Bardock kicked him in the chin. The Saiyan got to his feet and fired a ki blast, forcing the monster all the way across the ring. Bardock took a deep breath. "Shit...good thing these boots are sturdy..."

As he said that, however, Bardock took a step forward and his sole fell to pieces. He growled under his breath and stared across the ring as the fishy monster. He tossed his injured hand to the side and summoned a massive Rebellion's Edge. "Gotta keep my distance..."

Pirantis howled and charged again, baring both of his massive, clawed hands and swiping them at Bardock. Bardock ducked down and then swung wide, using his Rebellion's Edge to slice a massive gash into the vicious fish's neck. Pirantis howled and raised his massive paw high, smashing it down and crushing Bardock down into the ring. Bardock coughed and wheezed, blood spurting from behind his mouth. "Damn..."

Pirantis smirked. "The rain does me well! My offense and defense doubles. You might have gotten a lucky shot on my neck, but I'll fix that by ripping out your throat with my teeth~"

Bardock sighed. "Ya know, there are a lot of fish like you back home. Me, my sons, and my grandson all took turns fishing them out of the lake. You think your size and your strength and your teeth make you the king of the pond..."

Pirantis cackled. "I'm not just king of a mere pond! I rule the ocean, fool!"

Bardock shook his head. "Nah. You're just another nameless fish. I've gutted a million like you."

Pirantis sneered. "Oh really?!"

He squeezed Bardock hard and Bardock grunted in pain as his ribs creaked and cracked. Pirantis roared. "And what exactly do you plan to do to win this?! I've got you pinned!"

Bardock sighed. "I hate to admit it, but I actually owe Frieza one. He's the one that gave me this idea..."

Pirantis flinched. "F-Frieza?!"

Bardock nodded. "Yup. From what I understand, he did this to my pal, Krillin. You see, when I sliced your neck with my Rebellion's Edge here, it was less like I slashed you with a blade...and more like I jabbed you with a needle. A needle that I used to inject you with a tiny speck of my energy. Energy that has now burned a tiny path directly into the center of your chest. You wanna know what that speck of energy did to my friend Krillin, fish?"

Pirantis snarled. "I DON'T CARE! DIE!"

The fish monster raised his hand high, ready to crush Bardock's head. Bardock responded. "Boom."

Pirantis' chest swelled like a balloon and burst apart, sending viscera and scales flying across the entire arena. Bardock sighed and kicked what was left of Pirantis over. "Shit. I copied Frieza..."

Bardock stood and looked down at his Rebellion's Edge, dispelling it in disgust. "...I've been away from Earth too long, goddammit."

Backstage in the broadcast control room...

The producer laid on the ground, beaten to a bloody pulp but still not dropping a single clue about how to break into the safe. Wings cracked his knuckles, slightly out of breath. "Gotta give it to this guy...he's tough..."

Medamatcha preened. "We don't have to give him a damned thing~ If a beating won't work, I have other ways to make him talk~"

The frog-like demon picked up the producer by the shirt and chuckled. The producer glared at him, his face bruised and bloodied. Medamatcha cackled. "You think you're tough, but let me introduce you to something~"

From beneath the top layer of Medamatcha's skin, several smaller versions of Medmatcha began to emerge. They were so tiny that one could only tell they were there when they moved. They looked like gnats. Medmatcha cooed. "I can produce my Minimatcha's in whatever size I want~ If you don't start doing what we say, I'll have them crawl into your ears and start feasting on brain tissue~"

The producer flinched, but still maintained his stonewall composure. "Choke on it. I'm not scared of you, freak!"

Wings snarled. "We could start killing the others!"

The producer scoffed. "Not one of them is worth what's in that safe. Kill them all and sell what's left if you want to profit!"

The Demon Crushers were genuinely taken aback. Bloodthirsty pirates that they were, this guy was still making them pretty uncomfortable. Before Wings or Medamatcha could make good on their threats, however, another voice spoke up. "I-I know the code for the safe..."

Everyone turned to the producer's secretary. She stood there in a sunny, yellow blazer with a faintly mint green skin tone. Her hair was dark brown and tied in a proper bun. "...I... uh...I know the code to open the door. Mr. Producer gave it to me to make a deposit once while he was chewing out a camera man..."

The producer sneered. "Hisho, you little bitch. How dare you betray us like-"

Medamatcha slammed the producer's head into the floor, quite hard. Before he and Wings could advance, however, Angila walked up to her. "Thank you for responding to this situation with common sense, ma'am. Kindly open the safe, and then you can join your friends safely in the corner."

Miss Hisho nodded. "O-Of course..."

The producer snarled. "HISHO!"

Amond shouted as well. "Shut the hell up! Your whining is distracting from the matches!"

Down by the ring...

This time, Bardock and crew were the first to walk down to the ring. Bardock was still all business as he strode forth, marching towards the ring with purpose. This was the last match of the night before they got to their real objective. He only had to play along with this for a little while longer.

Behind him, Bardock could hear Turles and Zangya both shouting at the crowd. While Turles acting that way was no big surprise, Bardock was slightly taken aback to hear Zangya start playing along. He glanced over at Slug, catching a small smirk on the grim old Namekian's face. "And Zangya likes to act like she's above all of this..."

Slug shrugged, scratching his scalp beneath the afro wig. "That's Turles. He brings out the idiot in people. But...that's not always a bad thing..."

The announcer shouted into the mic. "Let's hear it for our competitor...who has once again changed his name, apparently...KID GRUESOME!"

And like that, Bardock's smile hidden behind the mask turned into an irritated scowl. "REALLY?! YOU'RE STILL BEING CHILDISH LIKE THAT?! THIS IS YOUR GODDAMNED FACE TOO, TURLES!"

Turles looked smug. "Nah. I wear it better~"

Bardock snarled. "You little..."

Turles shot a catty smile. "What's the matter, Kid Gruesome, you upset~?"

Zangya mocked. "Don't be upset, Kid Gruesome~"

Slug snorted. "You can do it, Kid Gruesome~"

Bardock shot them all a cold, angry look. "I hate all of you."

As he hopped into the ring, Bardock heard Turles, Zangya, and even Slug break out into a fit of laughter. He looked back at the three of them with a piercing glare...and then he stifled back a laugh of his own. Bardock took a deep breath and walked to the center of the ring. He took in the cheering and the crowd around him, and then he glared up to the announcer's desk at King Sphinx. He hated to admit it to himself...but he was having fun.

And then a record scratch went off that sent a reverb throughout the entire arena. Bardock cringed and turned to the entrance ramp. "Oh, what now?!"

The curtains flew to the side and four women, all dressed skimpy and decorated with flowers of orange and purple and black, came dancing down the ramp.

"Ooooooh~ Oooh~ Oooh~ Oooh~"

"He's got the power~"

"Ooooooh~ Oooh~ Oooh~ Oooh~"

"He's got the power~"

Bardock's shoulders slumped. "...what?"

"Ooooooh~ Oooh~ Oooh~ Oooh~"

"He's got the power~"

"Ooooooh~ Oooh~ Oooh~ Oooh~"

"He's got the power~"

And then another voice began to rap to the song the four women were belting out.

"Yo! Yo yo yo! Yeah! Yo!~"

"Yo! Yo yo yo yo! Yeah! Yeah! Yo!~"

"Seen yo' whack-ass moves and they made me sour!~"

But get ready to face the ultimate power!~"

"Straight from the garden to your TV set!~"

"Get ready for the best show yet!~"

Zangya looked mortified. Slug was annoyed. Turles, meanwhile, was bobbing his head along to the beat as the newest opponent came dancing onto the top of the ramp. It was a tall, orange creature with a massive, upside-down jack-o-lantern for a head. He cackled and laughed and danced for the appreciative crowd, absorbing their cheers and their praise before turning his attention to his opponent in the ring.

"KID GRUESOME!

"You a little bitch!

"Such an amateur, your name always switch!~"

"You beat a dumbass fish and a pile of eyes!~"

"But you'll never-never-ever match up to this guy!~"

"Cuz I'm a mean orange mother from outer space and I'm bad!~"

"I'm a mean orange mother from a distant place and you about to be had!~"

"I'm a mean orange mother from outer space!~"

"Gonna whoop yo' ass!~"

"Gonna break yo' face!~"

"I'm a mean orange mother and mothafucka!~"

"You down bad!~"

The announcer called into the mic. "Here he is, folks! He's bad! He's flamboyant! He's the odds-on-favorite to challenge King Sphinx! You all know him, you all love him! It's-"

A pumpkin seed shot through the air and blasted through the mushroom-headed announcer's head, blasting out his brains and killing him instantly. The orange entertainer at the bottom of the ramp did a spin and backflipped into the ring, moonwalking towards Bardock. "Yo, yo, yo! Can't ruin the flow!"

He held up his own mic and cackled into it. "YO, YO, YO! LET'S HEAR YO' HANDS CLAP AND SLAP! THREES CHEERS FO' THE EVER-DAPPER PUMPKIN RAPPER~!"

ROUND #3: Pumpkin Rapper vs. Kid Gruesome!

Pumpkin Rapper shouted into the mic. "DING DING DING! LET THAT BELL RING!"

Bardock launched forward with purpose. Just like the last two, he expected quite an easy victory. He threw his punch hard at the preening pumpkin's head, but was thoroughly shocked as Pumpkin Rapper caught his punch.

Bardock froze in place and Pumpkin Rapper turned his carved, twisted snarl in the Saiyan's direction.

"Yo, yo, yo! That shit is lame!~"

"Yo' never gonna win with more of the same!~"

"These people here came to watch a show!~"

"Now down I drop and up you go!~"

Pumpkin Rapper fell to his knees and then shot up like a missile, blasting Bardock high into the air. The Saiyan tumbled in the upwards, trying to right himself before he hit the ceiling. But then, suddenly, a vine came shooting up and wrapped tightly around Bardock's neck. Bardock only had a second to react, gathering his energy into his neck to withstand as Pumpkin Rapper snatched him down.

The sheer strength behind the sudden jerk would have been enough to snap and unprepared man's neck, but even prepared Bardock was still in pain. He hit the ring with a heavy thud. Bardock pushed himself up, only to eat a charging knee right to his mask.

He went tumbling back and crashed into the ropes. "Ugh..."

Outside the ring...

Turles flinched back in his wheelchair. "Wh-What?!"

Zangya's eyes were wide. She sneered. "We were tricked. We all got distracted by the way that idiot was acting. None of us even thought to actually feel out his power level..."

Lord Slug growled under his breath. "That guy's a Gourdian. They're a powerhouse race with a ton of potential from everything I've ever seen of them. Basically, just massive plants full of raw power..."

Zangya turned to Turles. "What do we do?! Do we step in?!"

Turles was quiet at first, staring up at the ring and watching as his older brother got to his feet. He smirked. "Nah. No need yet. Bardock isn't down. After all, he's still got his golden mode~"

Back in the ring...

Pumpkin Rapper danced and jived in the center of the ring. "Yo, yo, yo! Ah ha ha! Yo, yo, yo! Ah ha ha!"

Bardock got to his feet and charged at Pumpkin Rapper. "Don't you mock me, you little shit!"

Pumpkin Rapper stopped dancing, casting his microphone aside. He took a deep breath, making his head swell two-to-three sizes larger with nothing more than air. And then Pumpkin Rapper let loose a powerful, supersonic screech that forcibly pushed Bardock back.

The Saiyan was pressed against the ropes, his howls of pain drowned out by Pumpkin Rapper's shout. Bardock pressed his hands to his ears, but the noise was still too much. With a sharp crack, the eardrum in Bardock's left ear burst like a balloon and a gush of blood spurted out from between his fingers.

Bardock fell to his knees, feeling dizzy and disoriented. He almost wanted to throw up. He shakily looked up at Pumpkin Rapper and saw that the goofy monster was prancing around and chanting something. He sneered. "I don't have time for this, you stupid vegetable!"

Bardock thrust his hand forward and fired a blast. "Ravager Cannon!"

The blast fired from Bardock's hand, but Pumpkin Rapper happily pranced out of the way. He slid to one side and then charged at Bardock. The garish Gourdian slammed his fist into Bardock's cheek, forcing the Saiyan to his knees, then followed that up with a knee strike to the chin.

Bardock snarled and returned with a vicious pummeling of his own. He slammed his fist into Pumpkin Rapper's gut and then didn't let up. The Gourdian cried out as he ate five punches to the face and a kick to the ribs. He did a backflip and smirked at Bardock, inhaling again and fire several compressed air bullets. Each of the bullets crashed into Bardock and sent him skidding back. Bardock growled. Those hits certainly didn't tickle.

The Saiyan looked up just in time for two vines to wrap around his neck. The vines, which had shot from Pumpkin Rapper's palms, quickly reeled in and dragged Bardock face-to-face with the Gourdian. Pumpkin Rapper cackled and Bardock could vaguely hear his voice rapping once more.

"And now yo' stuck!~"

"Straight trap-card, yo!~"

"Now here's a little trick!~"

"Let's FUEGO-GO!~"

Pumpkin Rapper opened his mouth and shot a jet of burning, orange flames right into Bardock's face. Bardock screamed in pain, barely managing to form an energy shield around his head but still feeling the hellish heat.

Bardock needed to hurry and counter. He wasn't going to last forever dealing with this. He regretted having his hand forced, but he had no choice with his hands tied. Bardock unfurled his tail from out of his pants and wrapped it around Pumpkin Rapper's waist, lifting him into the air and slamming him hard to the mat. Now with enough space, Bardock could get in a good kick. He reared his leg back and booted Pumpkin Rapper in the stomach, sending him flying back.

With a bit of space between them, Bardock took a moment to pat out the raging flames that were burning on his clothes. Pumpkin Rapper, meanwhile, stood and giggled. He started laughing.

"Is this what I'm facin'?~"

"Oh help me please!~"

"Shouldn't yo' kind be swingin' all up in the trees?~"

"A lousy Saiyan in this day and age?~"

"Go back to the zoo!~"

"Back into yo' cage!~"

Bardock sneered, giving his neck a swift crack. "Are all Gourdians as loud and annoying as you?!"

Pumpkin Rapper cackled. "Yo, yo, yo! Ah ha ha! Yo, yo, yo! Ah ha ha!"

Bardock sneered. "I'll take that as a yes!"

And then he charged. Pumpkin Rapper was quick to respond, opening his jagged mouth and belching more flames at the approaching Saiyan. Bardock leapt up and then kicked the air, shooting himself forward and headbutting his foe. Pumpkin Rapper stumbled back and Bardock kept up the assault. He roundhouse kicked the Gourdian in the face and then stomped at one of his knees for good measure.

Pumpkin Rapper went down, but then sprang back up for a headbutt of his own. Bardock feinted to the left and lunged forward again, clotheslining Pumpkin Rapper and forcing him to the ground.

Bardock stood back up, only to barely avoid the crack of a viny whip. Pumpkin Wrapper cackled once again and leapt back to his feet, thrusing his other arm towards Bardock and firing a spikey vine towards the Saiyan. Bardock hit the ground and did a low shoulder tackle, catching Pumpkin Rapper on the waist and picking him up into a fireman's carry. Bardock pulled down hard, subjecting Pumpkin Rapper to a brutal torture rack before dropping him to the ground hard. Bardock turned. "Now do you-"

A razor-sharp leaf shot right at the center of Bardock's mask. Bardock barely managed to form a Rebellion's Edge and match the strike. Bardock stared down the edge of the sharpened leaf, following it down to Pumpkin Rapper's wrist. Pumpkin Rapper cackled. "Yo, yo, yo! Ah ha ha! Yo, yo, yo! Ah ha ha! Let me tell you right now..."

Pumpkin Rapper's voice lost the goofy tone. "You ain't dealing with an amateur, fool."

Bardock flinched as Pumpkin Rapper deflected back his Rebellion's Edge, barely managed to back away as Pumpkin Rapper thrust the leaf blade directly at his throat. Bardock grunted. "You're no Frieza or Cold, but I'm willing to bet you'd give the Ginyu Force hell..."

He met Pumpkin Rapper's next slash with a blade parry and sighed. "Fine. I guess I'll take you seriously, Pumpkin Rapper."

And then, in a flash of gold, Bardock went Super Saiyan. Pumpkin Rapper's upside-down eye went wide at Bardock charged at him, avoiding a slash from the leaf blade and cracking Pumpkin Rapper in the face with his elbow. The spongey pumpkin flesh of the Rapper's face caved inward and Bardock didn't let up. He kicked Pumpkin Rapper's feet out from under him and then thrust his fist right under his orange chin.

Bardock sent Pumpkin Rapper flying out of the ring in into his flowery floozies on the outside of the ring. They all shrieked and flocked over him.

Bardock groaned and stood at the edge of the ring, his Super Saiyan power blazing. "I'll give you this much...you are strong. So... good fight, Pumpkin Rapper. Good fight..."

Backstage in the broadcast control room...

Everyone in the broadcast control room had stopped watching the monitors, all of them instead hovering over Miss Hisho as she opened the various locks separating the Demon Crushers from the money on the other side. Amond nodded, stroking his chin. "Damn, you must have some kinda memory to know how to open all those locks from memory..."

Hisho nodded. "Y-Yeah...I had to have a good memory to get through all of those correspondence courses..."

She let loose a nervous laugh which was met with uproarious, genuine laughter from the rogues and demons surrounding her. She seemed nervous, but let loose a sigh of relief as the last lock came unlocked and the door to the safe creaked open. Miss Hisho nodded. "Okay. The money is all yours. Now...please don't hurt us. Please?"

Medamatcha chuckled. "Yeah yeah. Turles would get pissy if we hurt you after making a promise. Hands behind your back."

Hisho obeyed, bowing her head as she felt ropes being wound around her wrists. Soon enough, she was escorted across the room and sat next to her boss while the Demon Crushers began to loot the studio's credits. Hisho glanced over at the producer and her glared back. Standing in front of them, Amond cursed to himself as he struggled to pull the end of a roll of duct tape loose. Hisho mumbled. "W-We might have lost the money...but at least nobody died, right?"

The producer snarled. "You think that's it?! You think you aren't fired for this?! That you're just going to open that safe for a bunch of brigands and that'll be it?! I'm going to have you sued for everything you own over this! I'll ruin you over this! I'll make sure that you're not only blackballed from this industry, but from every industry in the goddamned galaxy for-"

Amond slapped a strip of tape over the producer's mouth. "Shut the hell up!"

The producer flopped on the ground like a fish, growling and snarling behind the tape. Amond sighed and pointed a thumb at the angry, little man. "He's a charmer, eh?"

Hisho looked miserable, not responding at all. Amond sighed, frowning just a bit. "Uh...sorry...about...that..."

He ripped off another strip of tape and leaned down to gag the sulking secretary, but then Daiz stepped in. "Hold on a minute."

Amond and Hisho both looked up. Daiz scratched the back of his head, the start to a charming smile cracking across his face. "So, uh...I heard you got fired just now, right?"

Hisho sniffled, responding bluntly. "Yes. Thanks."

Daiz nodded. "Yeah, you sound upset. But...how about an impromptu job interview?"

Hisho flinched. "What?"

Daiz sat down in front of her. "Well...Turles was saying we could use a number runner on the ship. And you said you did some correspondence courses, right?"

Down by the ring...

Solid State Scouter blared thorugh the arena and The C.A.S. Crushers came marching towards the ring with authority. After a short break to rest, recoup, and have his injuries tended to, Bardock was ready and very willing to face down King Sphinx. The older Saiyan slammed his fists together in beat with the music. He was pumped!

Behind the battle-ready Saiyan, Sweet T, Zangalena, and Doc Sluggins all also looked to be at the ready. Turles had made sure that everyone was briefed on every detail. Well, almost every detail.

The new announcer, a robotic sounding voice standing in for a real person, announced that the wrestler approaching the ring had changed names once more. "EVERYONE IN THE ARENA PREPARE TO WATCH 'KID BARDOCK'."

Bardock cocked his head. "Kid...Bardock? Well, I guess that's not so bad. I would have preferred to keep my real name private, honestly. But..."

Bardock stopped mid-sentence.

Gorgeous...to Presentable...to Gruesome...to...Bardock?

Bardock turned and grabbed Turles by his shirt collar, nearly pulling him from the chair. "LISTEN YOU!"

Turles and Zangya both burst out laughing. Even Lord Slug couldn't help but snort. Bardock's face was boiling hot. But then, he just stared at the happy, mirthful shine on his younger brother's face. And he laughed as well. Bardock sighed, dropping his brother. "You grew up to be a dumbass...but damn did I miss you."

Turles flashed a toothy grin. Behind his mask, Bardock smiled as well. And then, finally embracing his wrestling character, Bardock turned and took a deep breath. He roared at the top of his lungs. "KING SPHINX! YOU'VE SAT AT THE TOP FOR TOO LONG! GET YOUR FELINE ASS DOWN HERE AND BRING MY BELT WITH YOU!"

Up in the announcer's box, King Sphinx snorted and sneered. He finished the last bite of the mushroom-headed announcer and then stood, roaring and spreading his wings out wide. And then he leapt down to the ring. No entrance music. No build up. Just a furious roar and a noble, but extremely arrogant stance. He growled at Bardock. "Come. Let the sphinx guide you to your tomb."

Bardock nodded. He fist-bumped Zangya, he fist-bumped Slug, and then he fist-bumped Turles. And then, Bardock leapt up into the ring and immediately went Super Saiyan.

FINAL ROUND: King Sphinx vs. Kid Bardock!

King Sphinx scoffed at his smaller foe. "Do you really think you can beat me, you masked runt?! After you struggled against that Gourdian fool?!"

Bardock chuckled. "You think I was giving it my all? Pumpkin Rapper was a decent opponent, but I'd have mashed him at full strength. As you're about to see!"

Bardock roared and the arena filled with golden light. King Sphinx flinched, a bead of sweat forming on his head even as the crowd closest to the ring were blown far out of their seats. King Sphinx grinned sadistically. "F-Finally! An opponent worth my time! I-"

Bardock rushed into King Sphinx and punched him in the gut. Sphinx wheezed. Bardock cracked his neck, reveling in his full strength. "No more pretense. No more pretending. Shut up and fight, kitty cat."

King Sphinx sneered. "Why you..."

The bell rang and King Sphinx lunged at Bardock. The two of them clasped hands and pushed against one another, causing a massive shockwave to blast through the entire building. Soon, the two pushed each other back. King Sphinx was already out of breath, but Bardock was spry. King Sphinx screamed and rushed at Bardock, trying to hit him with a flurry of punches. Bardock was confident, dodging each and every punch with little to no effort and a cheeky smile hidden beneath his mask. Finally, King Sphinx managed a hit and plowed Bardock to the ground.

The feline foe cackled, but then both of Bardock's feet shot up and smashed into King Sphinx's face, sending him flying into the sky. The Saiyan gave chase, only for King Sphinx to quickly circle behind him and punch him square in the back of the head. The champ tried to follow that up with a knee strike, but Bardock quickly feinted out of the way. He rushed at King Sphinx and kicked him right across the face, following that up with a punch to the nose.

King Sphinx snarled and grabbed Bardock by the arm, spinning like a top as they both crashed back down to the mat and slamming him down hard. King Sphinx ripped Bardock off the ground with a roar, throwing him with all of his strength into the ropes. Bardock rebounded into the ropes and recoiled right back into his savage opponent, eating a punch to the gut and getting slammed hard.

King Sphinx chuckled and raised his claws to slash, but a mighty punch from Bardock quickly shot up and slammed into his gut. King Sphinx staggered back and Bardock stood, no worse for wear. "So, I did some studying up on you...or my manager did, I should say. Your name is Pricklypear, right?"

The champ flinched back. "Wh-What?! How did-"

Bardock continued. "Like I said, we did a deep dive into your life. You're a former Cold Force lackey, right? Saved up whatever pittance King Cold paid you and then went behind his back to pay the Tuffle Academy of Science to build you a new body. Then you came here, a place Cold couldn't be bothered with, to act like a big shot. Right?"

King Sphinx sneered. "Sh-Shut up!"

He rushed forward and tightly wrapped his hand around Bardock's throat. Bardock rolled his eyes. "Pathetic."

King Sphinx snarled. "SHUT YOUR DAMNED MOUTH!"

He picked up Bardock and savagely choke-slammed him to the ground. Bardock shook his head. "You came here thinking you'd be a big dog. Killed and terrorized to make a name for yourself, and then came to this dump to dress up and pretend you were someone important."

King Sphinx clenched his teeth. Bardock spoke coldly. "But here's the thing...Cold was an actual king, and I killed him."

King Sphinx flinched and gasped in horror. "Y-You're...?!"

Bardock continued. "You're a court jester pretending to be a king."

And then Bardock, taking a page from Pumpkin Rapper's playbook, sprung up and smashed his head into King Sphinx's gut. The champ gagged, blood erupting from his mouth. Bardock cracked his neck. "Man... Pumpkin Rapper would've whooped your ass. At least he had actual skill."

King Sphinx snapped. "COBRA BEAM!"

The cobra on King Sphinx's headdress opened its eyes and fired two beams at Bardock. Bardock rolled his eyes and slapped them both away. "It really is just your bad luck though, Pricklypear."

He snarled and charged at Bardock; his arms stretched forward to claw. "MY NAME IS KING SPHINX!"

Bardock closed his eyes. "If this were just a fight, I'd blast you into dust for all the shit that I've read you done. But you're a tool in this. So... you're about to be embarrassed."

Suddenly, two rings of water formed out of nowhere around King Sphinx's arms. The rings quickly stretched all the way down his appendages, coating them like a pair of gloves. King Sphinx looked over and saw Zangya standing on the ring apron, a smirk on her face. "Freeze~"

The water did as commanded, rapidly crystalizing into ice and totally encasing King Sphinx's arms. The King yowled in pain and Bardock sighed, turning his back to his opponent in an ultimate sign of disrespect. And then, before King Sphinx could say a word, Lord Slug dropped in front of him and smashed both of his frozen arms to pieces.

King Sphinx fell to his knees, roaring in agony as blood began to pour and rapidly freeze from his wounds. Slug sneered. "Shut up, you yowling alley cat."

One more punch knocked King Sphinx out cold, sending him crashing to the ground in a heap. The crowd went silent, no one making so much as a sound.

What had just happened?

This silence was met by the squeaking of wheelchair wheels. "Sweet T", as he called himself, sat before the stunned wrestling fans with a smirk. Quickly, he ripped the blanket from over his legs, showing that neither was actually in a cast, and then he stood up and bowed. "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for taking part in this little charade! Now then...let's start the real show~"

Turles held up his hand and Zangya entered the ring, handing him the GPWL Heavyweight Championship. Turles glanced down at the belt, and then spoke. "C.A.S. Crushers. What does that acronym mean? Well, let me start that explanation by telling you our names~"

He snapped his fingers and Slug nodded, using Magic Materialization to put the four of them back into their normal outfits. Turles grinned from ear-to-ear, stepping onto the unconscious King Sphinx. "Some of you might recognize us! We're a tad infamous here in the West~ I am Turles, the Captain of the Demon Crushers! The green guy is my associate, Lord Slug! The woman is one of our newest associates, the lovely Zangya! And your new champion here is our other new associate, the Masked Saiyan!"

Turles turned on his heel, pettily kicking King Sphinx's headdress off of his head. "Now then, what does C.A.S. Crushers mean? Well, that, friends and neighbors, is what shall explain our purpose here today. You see...in this wrestling federation, we are the Cooler's Armored Squadron Crushers! We are here for one purpose, to embarrass and undermine a certain former GPWL Champion who sold his soul to the last living member of the People of Hades!"

Turles pointed his finger at the hard cam and suddenly shouted. "THAT'S RIGHT! I'M TALKING TO YOU, DORE! YOU PICKLE-GREEN SELLOUT!"

This one got a reaction out of the crowd. Dore was a cherished and beloved celebrity in this hallowed hall. Badmouthing him was never going to get a positive response. But Turles didn't care. He reveled in it. He even paused to absorb the jeers and chants for him to die. And then he went back to cutting his promo. "I'm going to keep things simple for you, Dore! Cuz, I know you're too stupid to process too long a sentence! YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO US! AND NOW..."

Turles held up the big, gold belt. "I HAVE SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO YOU~!"

The wily Saiyan tossed the GPWL Title to the floor and cackled. "And if you want it back, you had better come with what is ours to the Zenku Outpost on the Core Rim of the Western Galaxy to negotiate a trade. Otherwise...well...I can't imagine anything but a shitty future for this trinket that you dearly held for so long~"

Turles turned his back to the camera. "And if you think shitty is just a crude metaphor..."

And then, to the shock and horror of Slug, Zangya, and Bardock, Turles dropped his pants, then his underwear, and then he crouched over the GPWL Heavyweight Championship and he...

On the Planet Cruiser...

Zeeun leaned against the railing of the Planet Cruiser, looking bored. "So, uh...Cacao? What's your deal anyway? You're a robot...made of assorted flesh...?"

Cacao screamed at him. "Я БУДУ ТРАХАТЬ ТВОЮ ДУШУ, ПОКА ОНА НЕ РАЗОБЬЕТСЯ КАК СТЕКЛО!"

Zeeun sighed and shook his head. "Would it kill you to talk normal? Just once?"

Suddenly, Turles chimed in. "Probably! Bet it would make his CPU catch fire, or some shit~!"

Zeeun flinched, sliding back a couple of feet as Turles leapt from the deck of the Planet Cruiser Scouting Ship onto the main ship. He hooted and held the GPWL Heavyweight Championship up high. "Lookit what we stole! WORLD CHAMPIONS!"

Zeeun nodded. "H-Hell yeah! Nice!"

Turles smiled. "Wanna hold it, bud~?"

Zeeun smirked. "Sure!"

Turles tossed the belt and marched with his head held high towards the mess hall. Zeeun admired his reflection in the gold plating of the belt as everyone else departed the scouting ship, but then he cringed. "Ugh...why does it smell like that?"

Angila spoke bluntly. "Turles shit on it."

Zeeun cringed. "Wh-What?!"

Amond nodded. "Yup. A few trillion people across the Universe got an unedited view of not just the outside of Turles' asshole, but the inside as well."

He clicked his tongue. "Lots of traumatized people out there tonight..."

Zeeun gagged and tossed the belt away. "Disgusting!"

Turles caught it with a chuckle, swinging it around in the air. "Oh, don't be such a baby! This isn't a time to be grossed out! It's a time to party! We should be partying like the world's about to end! Right, Bardock?!"

Bardock pulled the mask off of his face, cringing in disgust. "If you touch me with that belt, I'll slug you."

Slug nodded. "And if you touch me with that belt, I'll bardock you."

Everything went silent for a moment, everyone staring at Slug. Slug sneered, seemingly realizing that he had just made that stupid joke and his face burning red. "I... don't any of you EVER-"

And then everyone let loose a hearty laugh. Slug was taken aback at first, but then he joined in as well. And eventually, so did Bardock. Zangya shook her head. "I guess you aren't such a hard-ass, huh?"

Slug shrugged. "Whatever..."

Bardock groaned. "Fine!"

And then, without a second thought, he snatched the shit-belt and slapped it around his waist. Bardock leapt up to the deck above everyone else and roared. "I AM THE GODDAMNED WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! BOW TO ME!"

Everyone on the lower deck cheered and chanted Bardock's name. Turles' Crushers cheered. Slug's Demons cheered. Zangya cheered. Slug cheered. Turles cheered. And even Miss Hisho cheered.

Turles jerked his head to the mousey woman standing next to him. "Hold the phone! Who the hell are you?!"

Miss Hisho flinched. "Oh, uh...Mr. Daiz hired me down on the planet. I was told that I'm the ship's new financial advisor..."

She shot Turles a nervous, almost terrified smile. Turles glanced over at Daiz. Daiz nodded. "She's on the up-and-up."

Turles looked back to Hisho. She looked like she was going to melt into the floor. But then, Turles sighed. "Cool~ I'll get to work making you a kickass pirate outfit right away! But, in the meantime..."

Turles dug into his pocket and produced an eyepatch. "Here. Just wear that under your glasses for the time being. Cool?"

Hisho blushed, taking the eyepatch. "S-Sure...I could wear an eyepatch..."

She quickly put it on and looked up at Turles. "Does everything look okay, C-Captain?"

Turles stared down at her, a small blush spreading across his cheeks. "W-Wow...girls with glasses are cute...wow..."

Hisho flinched. "O-Oh...okay...I'll, uh...I'll take a compliment from my new boss, I suppose..."

She nervously chuckled. Turles also nervously chuckled. Meanwhile, Zangya stood off to the side with a look of utter scorn on her face.

Turles sighed, breaking his attention from the new crewmate. "Okay everybody! We're going to go and save Bonyu! Set sail for the Zenku Outpost! AND PARTY LIKE MONSTERS THE ENTIRE WAY!"

And so, the Planet Cruiser went sailing towards the Zenku Outpost, one step closer towards Turles' lofty ambitions.

On the ship lead by Cooler's Armored Squadron...

Salza, Dore, and Neiz all stared at the screen, their jaws dropped in disbelief at what was happening. Neiz spoke in a hushed tone. "It... just keeps happening..."

Salza looked utterly disgusted. "Wh-What did he eat...?"

Dore, meanwhile, was trembling with fury. His fists were clenched so tight that the palms of his gloves were discoloring with blood. Helplessly watching as Turles' leavings piled higher and higher onto the belt that he had spent so long giving prestige, Dore finally snapped. He reached up and grabbed his Scouter helmet, tossing it to the floor hard enough to make the floor dent. "I'll kill him! I'll kill him! I'll skin that little Saiyan bastard alive!"

Salza immediately turned on his heel. "Dore! Stop! Wait just a moment! We need to zink about zis!"

Dore roared. "Screw thinking! Turles has to die!"

He glared at his shorter commander. "I'm sorry, Salza! Tell Lord Cooler I've gone AWOL! Tell him I deserted and took a prisoner with neither orders nor permission! I'll accept whatever punishment comes! Execute me! Death Beam me! Make me fight the General! But, no matter what, Turles will die before I do any of that!"

Neiz stepped in. "Please don't, Dore! We don't wanna have to hunt you down!"

Dore sneered. "Then I'll turn myself in! AFTER I RIP TURLES' PUNY LITTLE HEAD OFF AND USE IT TO BEAT BONYU TO DEATH!"

As Dore went to stomp out of the room once more, a voice suddenly spoke up behind all three members of the Armored Squadron. "Hold on, Dore. Let's not be too hasty here. I haven't given my order yet."

All three members of the Armored Squadron gasped. They turned around to face the screen that was showing the GPWL mere moments ago; only now the screen was taken up by the royal visage of one person: Cooler.

All three of them took a knee, bowing to their Lord. Dore calmed his voice, not screaming but still speaking intensely. "Lord Cooler, sir. I apologize if my outburst took place in your presence."

Cooler spoke casually, his head rested against his fist. "Be at ease, Dore."

Dore clenched his fist. "I can't, Lord Cooler. Not after what I've witnessed. I can't just rest and let this go, sir! I do not wish to cause any sort of trouble with your plans, Lord Cooler, but I will be going to handle this! My pride is on the line, sir!"

Cooler closed his eyes. "You do not wish to cause me trouble, and yet you openly call for the execution of one of my best soldiers? You confuse me, Dore."

Dore lifted his head. "Sir?"

Cooler opened his eyes, reaching for a glass of wine and taking a sip. "Hear me out. I have witnessed what occurred at the recent GPWL show, Dore. I watched it live on pay-per-view."

Neiz flinched. "L-Lord Cooler...you watch professional wrestling?"

Cooler sighed. "What else am I supposed to do with my time on this banal, one-man trip to the Northern Galaxy?"

Cooler turned his attention back to Dore. "You speak of your pride being insulted, Dore? Well, what is your pride if not the pride of the Cooler Force? And what is the pride of the Cooler Force if not my own pride?"

Dore flinched. "L-Lord Cooler..."

Cooler frowned. "Everyone, from the lowest grunts, to you three, to the General himself are extensions of my will. You act with the authority of Cooler. A slight against you is a direct slight against me. That belt is an extension of you, Dore. Therefore, an extension of me. Therefore, that Saiyan defecated on me by proxy. And we cannot allow such an act to go unaddressed."

The dark purple emperor spoke with authority. "Heed me, Salza. For I am now changing the parameters of your mission. In addition to finding Planet M1 and acquiring the Big Gete Star project from Dr. Gete, you will now also partake in hunting down the so-called 'Demon Crushers' and dealing with them however you see fit. Such is the decree of Cooler, Himself. Are we clear?"

All three of the Armored Squadron bowed their heads. Dore spoke loudly and proudly. "Thank you for your infinite wisdom, Lord Cooler!"

Cooler smiled a proud smile at his three most trusted subordinates. "Go get them, boys."

And then the screen went dark. Dore lifted his head with a smirk. Neiz lifted his head with a smirk. And Salza lifted his head with a smirk. "Zenku Outpost was it, Dore?"

Dore nodded. "That's what Turles said, Salza."

Neiz cackled, electricity sparking from his skin. "When are we headed out~?"

Salza stood and immediately began to march his way towards the navigation bridge. "You heard Lord Cooler. We depart at once~"