He breathed his breath. They were so close now. He felt the heat in his cheeks. Desperately hot. Arnold gulped. The jazz was playing in the background from his record player. A feminine voice was over top the gentle instrumental. Arnold was frozen. Riley drew close and pressed his lips against his. Arnold returned it. It was a little awkward. The kiss seemed to last forever. They parted. Riley's black hair hung in front of his eyes. He had cute little studs in his ears. Arnold reached up and touched his ears. Putting the stud between his forefinger and thumb. Riley whispered."You like 'em?"

"I like 'em." Arnold put a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him down. They met lips. It was more forceful. Arnold put his hand in the black hair. He ruffled it. They parted. Arnold looked panicked. "Are you sure this is OK?"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. It just feels wrong."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"I do."

"Are we hurting anybody?"

"No."

"Then what's the issue, Arnold?"

"I've just never done this."

"That's OK. Maybe I'm pushing you too much."

Arnold bit his lip. "I just need to get used to it."

Riley kissed his forehead. Arnold sighed. Arnold felt Riley's chest. It was flat in some places and defined in others. He was in shape. Arnold kissed his chest. Riley pulled Arnold to his chest. Running his two hands through his hair. Time passed slowly when they were together. It was nice. Riley met lips with Arnold. There was tongue. Arnold returned it. It was strange he had never done this. Not with a boy. It felt right though. It scared him how much he wanted Riley. They cuddled. Sharing body warmth. Riley was bare chested, Arnold still had a tank top on. Riley held Arnold close. Arnold felt like sleeping right there. There was a beep. Riley took a phone out of his pocket. He opened the phone and looked at a message. "Fuck."

"Is it her?"

"Yeah. She wants to see me tonight."

"Can't you just turn her down?"

"I wish I could."

"Are you sure we aren't hurting anyone?"

Riley pulled on his shirt and his sweatshirt. "She thinks she loves me."

"Then wouldn't it be better then to just let her go."

"If I do that my father..." Riley opened his phone again and texted someone.

Arnold had not told his grandparents or parents about his sexuality but he expected they'd accept him or he hoped they'd at least understand, he couldn't imagine his grandpa being angry with him, but Riley didn't have this privilege. Arnold didn't know his father well but from what Riley said. Nothing good would come from him finding out. "Are you going to do this for the rest of your life, Riley."

"I don't know. He'd be disappointed. How else is he supposed to get grandchildren if his son's a fucking fag."

Arnold hated to hear that word. Arnold kissed him one last time. Caressing his cheeks with his thumbs. They parted. They didn't see each other until the weekend. Not as boyfriend and boyfriend. They saw each other in the hall and talked at lunch but it didn't feel the same as when they were alone.

They hung out on Friday with Gerald tagging along. They went to see a movie. Kill Bill vol. 1. Arnold had to beg Riley to see it. Riley liked film but had never seen a Quentin Tarantino film. Riley had heard they were bad from someone. Someone he respected. He wouldn't give up the person. Arnold was not much for action or even crime movies but after watching Reservoir Dogs he knew he'd see every Tarantino film from then on. Really it was not a question of whether or not Arnold saw the movie. Is more whether or not Riley joined him. Riley teased him. He was so desperate to watch the movie with him. He kept Arnold guessing until the day of. Where Riley told him he'd see it. Arnold almost kissed him right there.

Gerald knew. Arnold didn't want to keep them a secret from his best friend. He almost did but he was an honest soul. Even to his own detriment. Gerald knew that Riley was close to Arnold but he hadn't guessed they were... together. It caught Gerald by surprise. He was silent when Arnold told him. Arnold could've cried if it had gone bad. Gerald simply sat with the info. Gerald had never been really comfortable with the idea of homosexuality. He just couldn't understand it. Though as his friend poured his heart out to him. He considered it. It was so simple. Two boys liked each other. He sat there. He hugged Arnold. Arnold quivered. Gerald gave Riley a knowing eye next to they met. Riley didn't understand.

After the movie Gerald rode his bike home. Arnold and Riley walked back to Arnold's house. They talked about the movie. Arnold was glowing. He had never seen something like the film. It was pure style, spectacle. He was poet with words and a master action film maker. The ending was his favorite part. Riley smiled. Riley told him he really liked it. His style was immaculate, but by the end Riley got a bit tired by the action. So much black and white blood and sword fighting. He thought the house of blue leaves lasted a bit too long, but they stuck the landing with the O-Ren fight scene.

They went up to Arnold's room at the Sunset Arms. On the bed was a small pig. Not living but a beanie baby. Arnold forgot he had that out. "ARNOLD!" Riley almost yelled. "WHAT IS THAT?"

"That's uh..." Arnold's face was bright red. "That little toy is named Abner."

"Like your childhood pet?"

"Indeed." Arnold sat on the bed.

"It's so cute." Riley sat also on the bed. He opened the tag and read. "I love my life; It's so much fun. Playing in the Hawaiian sun. And then I'll hula dance all night. It really is this pig's delight. God."

"What?

"It kinda makes me sad." Riley was still smiling but weakly. "It's too fucking innocent. It's like a baby pig's soul was put into this tag. Things only are this innocent for a moment. Then they're gone."

"I just think it's cute."

Riley laid on the bed. Arnold laid on his stomach. They were crossed over each other. Riley asked. "What was your favorite scene?"

"Geez... how do I pick? There was that anime section. The house of the blue leaves. The fight with O'Ren. I guess..." there was a legitimate silence. "If I had to pick. I guess I'd say... The house of the blue leaves, just the whole thing was so great. How about you?"

"The scene with Sonny Chiba."

"Where he makes the sword?"

"No. Where he promises to make the sword. The lead up was so unsuspecting. Then it just feels mythical."

"Yeah, that's a good scene. Ya know something."

"What?"

"My dad..." Riley looked angry. "He's been asking why I've been spending so much time with you and not with my other friends."

"Tell him..." He thought for a moment. "That we're lovers."

"I won't be telling him that."

"Tell him... we're the best of friends. We're brothers from another mother. Tell him... it's none of his business. Tell him... tell him..." Arnold trailed off. He felt a little sad. They were backed into a corner. Reality was walking towards them with a blade.

"I wonder if he'd let me stay the night."

"Wouldn't that be suspicious?"

"It would but... I don't want to leave." Arnold looked at him. "I'm gonna call him." Riley opened his phone.

They spent the night alone. There was a moment where they looked into each other's eyes. Riley wanted desperately to say something. To get the words into the air. But the moment was too perfect. He couldn't spoil it. They slept in separate beds. They didn't want a chance of Grandpa walking in in the morning and seeing them.

They woke and walked downstairs. Arnold's grandmother was making some strange inedible concoction. Riley went to the corner store nearby to get them some food.

They walked to the shore later. It was raining lightly then. They picked up rocks from the shore and threw them as hard as they could into the water. They weren't skipping stones. They were violent with their hands. Then they sat, out of the view of shore. As far from people as they could be in a city full of them. "How's Nadine been?"

"She's good."

Arnold held the rock in his hand. Riley let his loose. "I let my parents and grandparents know this morning while you were at the store. I pulled them aside."

Riley picked up another stone but didn't toss it. He looked at Arnold. "About us?"

"No, but I think they suspect it. I just let them know what I am."

"A flamer."

"Flamer." Arnold smiled. "Part time. The other half of the time I'm a normal teenager."

"Would that be a good super hero name?"

"Flamer?"

More like... the flamer."

Arnold laughed. "I'm not being the flamer."

"Well, you could have me as a sidekick. The fairy."

"I'd set your wings on fire."

Riley sat down. Arnold threw his last rock and sat down as well. He looked at Riley. Riley was wearing a red t-shirt and a black beanie. The rain was disrupting the surface of the water. Arnold looked at it. Riley sighed. "Can we talk about something important?"

"Like what?"

"I want to dump her. I just can't pretend anymore. She wanted to have sex."

"She did?"

"I couldn't get hard." Arnold listened. "Being close to her felt wrong. I just want you."

"You were the one saying you can't dump her."

"I can. Just everything's going to go to shit. She'll say something."

"She'll gossip about it?"

"Yes."

"Well, it's our business." They were sitting next to each other now. Arnold brought him in under the crook of his neck. He had his hand on his head lifting the hair from his eyes. Arnold kissed his temple.

Riley looked at him. "I don't want things to go to shit."

"You can't just be honest with your father?"

"I can try but I don't think that'll go well."

"Why?"

"He hates gay people. He mocks people for being gay. He bragged to a friend about..." Arnold looked at him. "Beating up a guy when he was in college."

"You'll be living like this for the rest of your life."

"Maybe I should tell him. Get it over with."

"Are you sure?"

"Or we could just leave."

Arnold looked at him. He wasn't sure what to say. "Leave town?"

"Leave state."

Arnold thought about it. "I have family."

"We can be our own family."

"That's a big ask, Riley."

"Nothing says you can't be in contact with your parents. They just can't know where you are."

Arnold stood with a rock in his hands. He skipped it. It glided across three times and then fell into the dark water. There was a crab on shore. It was waddling around. "We're only seventeen."

"We're old enough."

"Alright..."

"You'll go?"

"I'll go."

Riley hugged Arnold. "I've been thinking about this for a month ya know. I just didn't have courage to ask you."

Arnold's heart was beating fast. "How're we going to do this?"

"Get a bus ticket with cash not a card. Pack up all our stuff in suitcases and then leave."

"What about when we arrive where ever we wanna go?"

"I've been saving up money. We get an apartment and we both work. Maybe under the table at the start. At least until we're 18."

"You've really been fantasizing about this."

He nodded. "I've been fantasizing about a life with you, Arnold."

Arnold felt tense. His heart was still beating fast. He sweat. Though it all seemed to melt away as their lips met. He held his hand as they kissed. He caressed the digits. The warm fingers. They parted. He looked up into his eyes. Riley really believed in this.

They planned for two months, it was the summer now, spring had breezed pass. They were going to Boston. They'd catch a greyhound out of town. Arnold thought about the fact he wouldn't be able to say goodbye to his parents or his grandparents. He hated that fact. He hated leaving them, but if they could never be accepted here maybe they could be there. He'd have to take his bike halfway to the bus top and ditch it, to walk the rest of the way. If they found the bike, which was unlikely but still possible it'd be far enough away that they wouldn't know where he went afterwards.

Riley talked about what kind of work they could do. He teased him about working at a gay bar. Riley wanted to work in a bar generally but of course he couldn't at least not as a bar tender, maybe he could sweep the floor once the night was over. He also knew that a warehouse job would probably pay under the table. Or a moving company. He threw out ideas. Arnold had something he set his mind on. Produce at a grocery store. He thought it'd be a chill job. Someone needed to care for the veggies and why not him?

The day grew closer and closer. Riley was happy. So much so. Arnold was nervous. Riley had 10,000 stored. Some of that was from an inheritance, half of it he had worked for. Arnold wished he could contribute to that fund but it was too late. Arnold didn't work. The tension between the two grew and one night they had an argument. Arnold wanted to leave a letter for his parents. Riley wanted him to wait to contact them about it. He didn't want to leave anything up to chance. No way they find the letter fast and then chase him down. Riley was going to walk out of the room. He clipped his record player. The thing fell face first onto the carpet. Arnold picked it up. He was scared. He cared for the old thing. It was a relic of a record player. He tried to play a record on it. Riley bit his thumb. One of the buttons had been depressed when it fell and it wouldn't come unstuck. Arnold sighed.

"I'm sorry, Arnold."

"It's OK. It was old. It was just waiting to die."

"I can get you a new one."

"Don't you think we'll need that money?"

"Yeah. Yeah you're right, but maybe... maybe we can get you one once we're stable."

After a week it was the day. Winter vacation had just started. Arnold got a text. OMW Arnold sent a message back. Arnold put on his backpack and winter clothes. He walked downstairs. Grandpa called out to him. "Arnold, I'm cooking breakfast."

"I gotta go somewhere, gramps. I'll be right back." Arnold took his bike from the hall and went outside. Snow hadn't fallen recently and the sidewalks were clear of ice. He pedaled. His heart was beating the whole time. He was sure he packed everything important. He took out his cellphone and tossed it down an alley as he rode by. He rode and he rode. He was halfway there, he knew the exact street to stop at. Time to ditch the bike. He stopped the bike. He got off. He walked into an alley and put the bike against a wall. He left the alley and started to walk. He walked for five minutes. He was sweating in the cold weather. He stopped suddenly. He stood there. His whole life would change in this moment. He... He... He looked behind himself. He couldn't do it. He couldn't leave. Couldn't leave his family. Was he a coward? He thought so at that moment. He walked back to his bike. He found it in the alley and started to ride around the city. He wasn't sure where he was going. He just rode around. He saw stores. Most were closed how early in the morning it was. He thought about riding to the bus station wishing Riley goodbye. He couldn't even do that. He was just a kid. He eventually stopped out front of a store. He looked up. Andrew's Grocer. A sign was in the window. Help wanted. Arnold walked in to get away from the cold. He ended up asking for an application which he later filled out. He would work for winter vacation. He had to do something. Something to keep his mind off what had happened. His life had almost changed. It had changed. He felt less. He laid in bed the night after he was told he got the job. He needed money for a new phone. He didn't want to cry. He laid in bed. He wasn't sure what he was crying about. Though he thought to himself for a moment, nothing went right. His optimism was shot. At least for the moment. His family noticed his change. He was not the sunny boy he had been. Grandpa especially noticed that Arnold's 'friend' wasn't coming over any more. Gerald tried his best to cheer him up. Evil Twin XI, Pulp Fiction. The works, but none of it changed the situation.

Arnold had to get through this and he was alone.

Arnold finished the story. It was 1 am when he was done. Helga had listened. She was considerate. She asked questions. She consoled him. They felt like friends. Arnold and her sat in silence. "That's it."

"Arnold."

"What?"

"What you did was entirely understandable. He was asking you to change your whole life. Sure he had nobody to hold onto, but you had everything."

"It wasn't fair to him."

"Leaving wasn't fair to you."

Arnold sighed. "Thank you for talking with me."

"Of course. Have you heard from him?"

"No."

"I'm sorry, Arnold."

"It's OK."

"It's getting very late Arnold."

"I know."

"I'll see you at work tomorrow?"

"Yeah. See you then." Arnold closed the phone and stared across room. The broken record play laid lonely on top of a chest. Still broken. Arnold laid down in the darkness and fell into a dreamless slumber.