I have a simple philosophy when it comes to talking to someone on the phone. You answer it/call someone, say what you have to say and then you hang up. Period. Short and sweet.

Lisa didn't subscribe to that philosophy.

My ear started to sweat as I risked my skin to interrupt.

"Um...so what was it you needed again."

"Nu-uh. You're not getting off that easy. I still haven't finished telling why I hate this place and, to a lesser degree, you."

I groaned.

"Couldn't you like...send me an email?"

"Do you have an email?"

"Uh..."

"That's what I thought. So, anyway...where was I? The girls here, except Terra, are all anorexic snobs that think their crap don't stink like everyone else's. You're a turtle when playing Smackdown Superheroes. Madame Pufton is so full of hot air she could make it around the world in eighty days. Cowboy hats went out of style in the nineties-"

"Hey, hey, hey!" I cut in. "Say what you want about me, but the leave the hat out of it."

I could hear Lisa roll her eye.

"Bard!" Beast Boy tugged on my poncho. "I wanna talk to Terrrraaaa!"

"Trust me, I"m making this as quick as possible."

Satisfied for the next minute or so, the changeling plopped down on the couch. I turned back to the reciever.

"Could you please just get to the point? Please?"

Lisa huffed.

"Fine. It'll be more fun to tell you in person, anyway."

I winced at that.

"I need you to come to the mall with me and help me pick out the outfits I'll have to wear for the stupid pageant."

"Can't your girlfriends help you?"

"I need a man's opinion. Most of the judges are guys."

I sucked it up.

"What all outfits do you need?"

"An evening gown, a outfit for the talent portion and a swimsuit."

I swallowed.

"Uh...a swimsuit?"

I remembered to breath again.

"Yes, a swimsuit-" She stopped. "On second thought, maybe I'll get the girls to help me with that. You'd probably just pick the skimpiest string bikini."

I coughed.

"Yeah...well...so would Janice."

Lisa laughed at that and, for once, she didn't sound bitter.

I rather enjoyed it.

TTTTTTTTTT

"Good afternoon and welcome back to TBEP News, you choice for reliable, always updated news. I'm Vincent Caprelli-"

"And I'm Marilyn Chen."

"One day until the fabled annual Jump City Beauty Pageant and already there are concerns. A few days ago the Britain villain, Mad Mod, publicly threatened the pageant. However, his plans are unclear.

"That's right, Vincent. Commissioner Ashley was quoted saying the pageant will go on as planned, but we've received reports that the police presence there will be quite extensive.

"Have we heard any reports on any involvement from the Teen Titans?"

"None yet, Vincent. But I, and I'm confident enough to speak for all the citizens of Jump City, believe they're doing all they can to assure our safety."

"Of course. Now, for the weekend weather report, we go to Ryan Johnson. We going to get any rain at the pageant this year, Ryan?"

"Well-"

The banter continued on between the three, playing on the dozen televisions in the storefront window of an electronics place. Most people walking by gave it no mind. Others merely glanced.

I was part of the first group.

VROOOoommmm!

I rocketed down the road on the Harley I'd borrowed from Neo Hive. Well...more like the second one I'd borrowed. The first one was a pile of shrapnel somewhere. I stopped at a red light, tossed a cigarette to the ground and continued on.

My Harley idled to a stop in front of the Etiquette School where the pageant contestants were staying. The place looked like it was built before the fireworks at Fort Sumter. I dismounted and swaggered up the cobblestone walk, only to be met at the front door by a portly woman with her hair tied conservatively in a bun.

"Barbaric!" She outraged with a red face. "To ride such a thing. It's loud and uncouth."

I rubbed my sore ear.

"I reckon that's about like the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?" The dozen girls behind her giggle into their hands. Except for Lisa, who just looked at me strangely.

The woman turned and glared. The giggling stopped. She looked back at me. If she was outraged before, she was livid now.

"Have you no manners? I am Madame Pufton! Show some respect!"

"I beg your pardon, ma'am." I tipped my hat with two fingers. "I'm just an uncivilized southern boy from beneath the Mason Dixon. Around those parts, we show respect and manners with a bit of hospitality. Yelling at folks before they even walk in your door ain't too gentle-like, is it?"

Madame Pufton boiled. The girls behind her could barely contain their snickers.

"I also don't take too kindly to being called 'boy'. Folks have names for a reason, after all, ma'am."

I might have pushed it too far that time. Madame Pufton looked like her eyes were gonna pop out of her head. But before they could, Lisa slithered by her.

"He's the one taking me shopping, Madame. We'll be back soon!" She literally dragged me to the bike. I got on, turned and helped her to sit beside me.

Madame Pufton stomped towards us like a bull on the loose. She opened her mouth for the the longest, most scathing tirade of her life-

VROOOOOOM!

I smirked, looked at her and pointed to my ear.

Madame Pufton shouted all the louder, but to no avail.

Lisa leaned forward next to my ear to talk over the revving motor.

"I don't think I hate you quite as much now."

"Huh...well ain't I just the luckiest guy in the world?"

"Shut up."

We drove off, leaving Madam Pufton in a pile of dust.

VROOM!