I suppose it won't come with any shock to anyone that I don't understand women. Not a single man does. The men who say they do are the most ignorant of the bunch. It's also no surprise that women understand men a lot more than we understand them. That's because men are simple. Women ain't.

Lisa was a woman to her very fingertips.

I sat in the waiting room...if that's what's you call four or five chairs sitting haphazardly outside the dressing rooms...in a fancy pants, overpriced clothes store where the women who work there look down their noses at you.

I hate that.

Lisa stepped out of the dressing room, wearing a dark green dressed made of...brocade or something. I wasn't up on my fashion sense. The only fabrics I'm really aware of are denim and leather.

"How do I look?" Lisa asked for the twelfth time.

"You look good." I answered for the twelfth time.

Once again, Lisa made that sound only a woman could make. It was somewhere between thinking and disappointment. Then she disappeared back into the dressing room.

I groaned.

I stood up and leaned against the wall just beside the curtain of the dressing room with one boot on the wall to steady myself. One of the saleswomen looked at me disapprovingly, but I didn't care. If they were about to take my hard-earned money, I could stand any way and wherever I damn well pleased.

I looked towards the curtain.

"You thought any on what you're gonna do for the talent part of the pageant?"

"Yeah, but-Urgh!" She grunted. "Damn garter!"

The curtain shook.

I coughed.

The curtain stopped moving.

"Ahem, yeah, I've thought about it." Lisa continued. "But I haven't thought of anything yet."

"Well...what are you talents?"

"Nothing besides kicking your butt in Smackdown Superheroes and looking like a pirate."

I would have stuck out my tongue if she could have seen me. An idea hit me.

"...You sing any?"

"You just want an excuse to whip out and play your little guitar."

"...Little?"

She ignored me and stepped out again, this time in a white dress with ruffles on the shoulders. It looked a little like a...wedding dress.

"How does this look?"

"Well...it's a little...um..."

"You don't like it?"

"It's fine."

"You hate it."

"I didn't say that-"

"I was gonna get this one, too." She pouted. "Now I have to try on more dresses."

I buried my face in my hands.

TTTTTTTTTT

Detective Walker and Decker stood on the steps of City Hall. Walker snagged a cigarette between his lips, cupped his hands around a lighter and lit it with the efficiency that can only come from doing it a million times. That done, the two looked around.

The street in front of City Hall was a madhouse of activity. A huge stage with sweeping wings and metal grating pillars was being constructed. Street walkers slowed to curiously look on, forming a small crowd that would be insignificant compared to the one gathered tomorrow. A composer stood at his pulpit in front of the stage, leading his orchestra in practice. A score of news vans were already gathered reporting the event. On top of regular security, policemen and undercover policemen lined the area strategically.

"Okay." Walker said with an exhale of smoke. "If I was that pansy Mod, how would I attack this place?"

"He can't attack from behind because of City Hall. It would be hard to attack from any other direction because of the huge damn crowd that's gonna be here tomorrow. He'd have to get rid of them first."

"Full frontal assault, huh? Charlie would be proud."

"Stop trying to sound badass because you were in the war." Decker looked around. "I think the best way to do it..."

Both men looked up.

"From the air." They said together.

"Get your ass in gear." Decker waved. "Let's go talk to Commissioner about putting some snipers on the roof."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming." Walker took one last drag of his cigarette and stubbed it out under his toe.

Both men turned and went back into the building.

Across the street, a small toy soldier stood unnoticed. It's eyes narrowed with an electronic whurring before turning around. It marched unevenly into an alley and checked for life signals. Seeing none, a pair of propellers emerged from it's bear fur hat and lifted it into the sky.

TTTTTTTTTT

My arms strained under the weight of the shopping bags in my arms. It was made up for by the light weight of my wallet now, though.

"I thought you were just buying a few outfits for the pageant." I accused.

"I did."

"Yeah, well, why does it feel like I'm carrying half a dozen bowling balls?"

"Maybe you need to work out more."

I grunted sourly, but it was hard to stay in a bad mood. We walked along a path in the park with nature all around us. Artificial nature, to be sure, but nature all the same. The sun was just setting below the horizon, making everything glow darkly.

"I wish I had a camera when I walked out in that bikini." Lisa reminisced. "The look on your face was priceless."

"You did it on purpose. Swimsuits usually have more than two square inches of fabric."

"How was I supposed to know you'd never seen a scantily-clad girl before?"

I shifted the bags in my hands.

"I've seen plenty of scantily-clad girls before, thank you very much. I just wasn't expecting it, is all."

"Sureeeee."

I frowned, but suddenly felt a chill as if a shadow passed over me. I looked up, but there was nothing there.

"Be sure to keep your hands to yourself tonight."

I did a double take.

"I wouldn't ever try to take advantage of you. I'm not like that."

"I meant when you get back to the tower."

"Ha-ha. Real hilarious. You wanna carry these bags yourself?"

"Stop acting like you don't enjoy it."

I decided to ignore that.

"You figure out what you're gonna do for the talent show?"

"I'm gonna paint."

"Huh...I didn't know you were a painter."

Lisa smirked.

"You never asked."

I fought to ignore that, too.

"Whatcha gonna paint?"

"I haven't decided yet."

I stopped and looked out at the western horizon.

"You could always paint a sunset, ya know."

Lisa stopped and watched it with me.

"...Maybe I will."

TTTTTTTTTT

I cut off the engine to my Harley well before we got to the front of the etiquette school and coasted the rest of the way. I stopped and flicked down the kickstand with my boot. I dismounted and turned to help Lisa off the back, but she'd already done it herself. I shrugged and grabbed the shopping bags instead. We walked up the cobblestone path and stopped before the front door.

Lisa looked at me.

"I guess I should say thanks..."

I waited.

She didn't say it.

"What? You expecting a peck on the cheek?"

"...I wasn't aware this was a date."

"Well-"

I looked up.

"I didn't notice that before." I interrupted her.

She looked up as well. A huge, stone gargoyle clutched the edge of the roof with long talons. It's gravel eyes were hard with hate and it's tooth-filled muzzle gaped open.

"Huh...I don't remember seeing that either."

"Well...G'night." I tried to tip my hat, only to remember I had an armload of shopping bags.

"Good night."

There was a awkward moment of silence when neither of us made a move.

"Oh!" I said louder than I meant to. I turned and opened the door for her I took one step in and put the shopping bags on the floor. "There."

"Ya know, I'm still mad at you for making me do this stupid pageant. But...I made a friend out of it, so I guess I can't be too angry."

I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Well, thanks."

Lisa looked at me funny.

"I meant Terra."

I prat falled.

"But...I guess you're okay, too." She stepped into the house and softly closed the door in my face.

"..."

Damn women.

I turned and walked back to my bike.

Above, unseen, a toy soldier walked mechanically from behind the gargoyle statue. It scanned the area and then a pair of propellers emerged from it's bear fut hat-

A granite, gnarled hand closed in around it.

CRUNCH!