Ego Inflation and Rising Action

We're getting close. Now here's the fun part:) I don't own… wait, if I told you what it is, I'd spoil it. Deal.


The whole school knew about Hekkie's surprise. Including Hekkie, obviously. However, she pretended to be comepletely oblivious. She often discussed with her fellow Hufflepuffs about how her friends have suddenly blown her off.

"I don't understand, Hannah. How could my friends do this to me? Tikka has been my best friend since we became models. We raided every Hot Topic in the universe together. She and I have every Green Day, Fall Out Boy, Linkin Park and Good Charlotte CD ever made. And K'nae… wow… I don't ever remember NOT hanging out with her. Leilana's kinda annoying, though. I can't believe Silverhawk had a crush on her a few years ago.

"Auriga is Sirius Black's long lost daughter. She's one of the most awesome people I have ever met, besides Tikka and K'nae and them. Saiya is adorable. I love her skirts and whatnot. And Leah and Lyra… well… they're just… there, really. It's not that we don't like them; it's just that we don't know why they hang out with us. We don't know anything about them." Hekkie explained to Hannah Abbott.

"Interesting, but… do you always have to talk about all your friends? Just curious." Hannah looked like Hekkie was going to Crucio her. Instead, Hekkie didn't really show any emotion. Her face was as blank as you could ever blank with your blank, or your mom's blank, etc.

"Elite Nine Code of Conduct. Kinda tedious, but that's how we talk." Hekkie said flatly.

"Well, it looks like your friends weren't blowing you off. Look." Hannah pointed to the dungeon door. There were balloons and magical confetti and…

"Screwdrivers?" Hekkie asked, confused.

Indeed, floating screwdrivers were gliding about the hallway, a few spontaneously combusting as the two Hufflepuffs entered. Actually, everything floating by the door was spontaneously combusting. One would think it was a Vegas casino gone awry.

Once inside, every student at Hogwarts seemed to have popped out of nowhere (thanks to a nifty spell McGonagall used to make it an authentic surprise party).

"HAPPY STYROFOAM BOX APPRECIATION DAY!" The whole room seemed to have echoed. It was LOUD.

"Huh?" was all Hekkie could say.

"Hey, Hekkie, think fast!" Tikka threw a small metal object at her. Turns out that that small metal object turned out to be small metal objects. They were car keys.

"What are these?" Hekkie held the keys up.

"They're keys to your brand new Hummer!" Silverhawk said happily ("OK, Silverhawk is happy. I think we rocked it, y'all!" K'nae said in the background.) as he ripped the blanket off a shiny silver Hummer, which looked damaged and rusty in some areas, none of which Hekkie had noticed earlier.

"Wow, thank you!" Hekkie faked her enthusiasm (for she really didn't care for automobiles, especially big cars that the Americans drove.). She walked over to the driver's seat and opened the door. She had pretended to use the key, but instead used her amazing telekinetic powers to unlock the door. Once inside the car, she noticed a foot sticking out from behind her seat. She leaned down and poked it once, hit it with her books, and yanked the foot towards her. Shockingly enough, the foot seemed to have yelped. Hekkie took a second glance behind her and noticed a young woman screaming.

"OWW! What did I ever do to you?" The woman yelled.

"You were born, that's what." Hekkie replied, scowling at who she believed to be a Muggle.

"Hey, that's not ni- What are you doing to my car?" The woman's tone changed from shrill to frustrated.

"Your car? Since when was it your car?" Hekkie glared.

"SINCE I BOUGHT IT, STUPID LLAMA-FACE! NOW GET OUT OF MY CAR BEFORE I CALL THE- hey, where am I?" the woman asked.

"Hogwarts. Anything else you'd like to ask?" Hekkie snapped.

"Uh, yeah… WHY WON'T YOU GET OUT OF MY CAR?" the woman snapped back.

"Because I don't feel like it. Hold on, would ya?" Hekkie rolled down the window and yelled at Leilana. "Would you take this…" She turned to the woman and asked, "What's your name?"

"Gertrude." The woman looked like she was ready to rip Hekkie to shreds.

"…Gertrude here to you-know-where?" Hekkie finished.

"The bathroom?" Leilana asked, confused.

"No! The other you-know-where!" Hekkie sweatdropped.

"I don't know wh- Oh. That you-know-where!" Leilana had a mischievous grin on her face. "Come on, you weirdo." She grabbed Gertrude by the wrists.

"You-know-where? What's that?" Gertrude asked.

"This is where." Leilana conjured up a small gray cage in midair and locked Gertrude inside. "Fun Box, oh Fun Box! Small and square and dark! Fun Box, oh Fun Box! Check out these cool fun locks! HEY!" Leilana sang and danced a la Vicky from Fairly OddParents and dumped a huge pile of padlocks onto the cage, causing it to crash onto the floor. Gertrude ended up with some more nasty bruises, but she insisted on staying put, as she had no clue where she was and she didn't want to run away into a wormhole into another reality. Which is probably what she should do anyway.

Meanwhile, Hekkie demanded everyone to shut up as she and the other Elite Nine members congregated in a small broom closet (the very same one where Rita Skeeter and Harry did that interview last year in the Daily Prophet).

"OK. Well, you know how I'm supposed to get rid of Voldykins and all?" Hekkie began. The rest of them just nodded, bored out of their minds.

"Well, I figured taking him out on my own would be a piece of cake, until I realized that I would be an unrealistic deux ex machina to Harry. That's where y'all come in. Potterkins is madly in love with me, so Leah and Lyra, you two are going to mess with his head a little bit. Pretend to be the same girl, but do different things with him. Like Leah could do his Charms homework for him every day, but when you two switch-"

"I suck at Charms!" Lyra interrupted.

"I know. What I was going to say was that you, Lyra, can totally screw up his Charms homework one day, and he'll be so confused! Do you get it?" Hekkie asked.

"Ohhhhhh. Yeah! Yeah!" The twins seemed to be pretty excited about the idea.

"What about the rest of us?" Auriga asked.

"OK… Silverhawk, you kill Snape and any other Death Eater that gets in your way. He's out of his mind. Sneak up on him one day and just take him out with everything you've got. And maybe a poison or two in his storage room." Hekkie ordered. Silverhawk nodded. "Shouldn't be too hard."

"Leilana, you, Saiya, K'nae, and Auriga will find the rest of the Horcruxes. Tikka, you and I will kill Voldemort together. Sound good?" Hekkie explained. The whole group cheered.

"All right! And then we can mindwipe everyone else and go find someone else's life to fix. And get that Gertrude girl back to where she came from. She can keep that car if she wants, I don't want it." Hekkie said.

"You don't?" Leilana looked really disappointed.

"Yeah, I'm allergic to gasoline. Gross stuff. Sorry." Hekkie said, faking her regret.

"Oh, no, we should be the sorry ones. We're not worthy! We're not worthy!" The others began to bow down to their lavender-haired leader.

"That's more like it. Now, guys, our plans will start tomorrow, so don't drink too much firewhiskey. 'Night, y'all." Hekkie winked. The others laughed as they left the broom closet.