I stood in front of the etiquette school and watched as the pageant contestants filed into a pair of long, white limousines. I held a yellow Titan communicator up to my face with a small screen showing Robin's face on it.
"Heh heh heh. Ahem. I'm a-mosey'n..." I trailed off as I watched another contestant climb into the limo.
Lisa slugged me hard in the arm.
WHACK!
"Ow!" I rubbed my shoulder. "What was that-"
"Stop checking out the girls' butts when they get in the car." Lisa huffed.
I took on a look of righteous indignation.
"I'm not! I'm making sure they get in safely! That's my job, ya know."
"Bullshit!"
"Skknnt. Um, Bard..." Robin tried to say, but I was already fussing at Lisa again.
"Shush, woman! I'm on official Titan business and-"
"BARD!"
I started. I turned back to the communicator.
"Ahem...yeah, boss?"
"When's your ETA?"
"...Eastwood tearing ass?"
Robin half-groaned and half-sighed.
"When are you getting here?"
"Oh...I dunno. The girls are getting in the cars now, so I reckon it shouldn't be too much longer."
"Good. Keep your eyes open. Mod might try something."
"Righto."
The picture of the Boy Wonder nodded.
"Robin, out."
I put away the communicator.
"Hey!" Lisa elbowed me in the side. "Madam Pufton's getting in the limo. Make sure you watch her just like all the others to make sure she gets in safely."
I glared at her.
"...I hate you."
"Good." She smirked. "That means I'm doing my job."
I blinked.
"I'm fairly sure I'll never understand that."
"Yup."
I looked around.
"All right." I said. "That's everybody except you."
"Guess you get to watch me get in now, huh?" Lisa threw over her shoulder as she headed for the car door.
"Pssh...you wish, darlin'."
I leaned my weight to start walking towards my Harley, but that's as far as I got. On my own accord, my head turned...
"..."
Damn it.
I hate it when she's right.
After I 'made sure she got in safely', I stepped ahead and throttled my motorcycle. On an impulse, I turned back to the school. I couldn't see the gargoyle statue. I shrugged it off to a bad angle or something. I hit the gas and led out the strange procession.
Unseen beneath an immaculately trimmed bush, a toy British soldier watched with electronic eyes.
TTTTTTTTTT
In a cabin deep within the bowels of the HMS Victory II, Mad Mod sat in a control room of sorts. The British villain sat in a swivel chair with video monitors all around him, broadcasting the footage captured by his troops of tiny toy soldiers. The videos were of all of Jump City, but one place overall: City Hall, the site of the beauty pageant. He watched one scene more intently that the rest: That of the two white limousines pulling onto the main road.
"Heheheheheh!" He rubbed his hands together and stood up, his comically tall captain hat almost hitting the chandelier above him. He stepped out of the room, down a hallway and up the stairs to the deck.
"Hey, listen up, you limey blokes!" Mod stood tall and proud. "It's time. Hoist the anchor! Reset the starboard rigging! Get ready to set sail!"
The deckhands turned towards him as one man and saluted.
"AYE, AYE!"
TTTTTTTTTT
Terra and Lisa sat side by side in the read limousine. Across from them were-
"I'm Renee." The girl introduced herself with a bright smile.
The girl beside her leaned back casually and picked her teeth.
"Name's Holly."
"Lisa and Tara." Lisa gestured.
"Oh, right." Holly snapped her fingers and pointed at Lisa. "You're the one with the cowboy boyfriend, right?"
Lisa's eye went flat.
"He's not my-!"
"He's pretty cute." Holly went on. "Go you."
"Pssh." Lisa folded her arms over her chest. "You're just saying that because he's the only guy you've seen in like...two weeks."
Holly shrugged.
"I like Beast Boy." Terra said suddenly.
The three other girls looked at her.
Terra laughed nervously.
"Ya know...the Teen Titans guy?"
"Um..." Renee cut her eyes to the side. "Isn't he...ya know...green?"
"It's unique!" Terra said it a little more defensively than necessary.
"The dude's got wyrd frickin' ears." Holly pointed out bluntly.
"Hey! Chicks dig the pointy ears!"
"Ahem!" Lisa cleared her throat to change the subject. "Anyone nervous?"
"I am." Renee wrung her hands together. "This is my first pageant. All those people looking at me..."
"I'm not nervous at all." Holly said with bravado. "Sometimes ya gotta say the hell with it, know what I'm saying? Like...what's the worst that could happen? Fall on your face on stage while thousands of people laugh at you? Screw it!"
Renee turned a pale shade of green. She turned and quickly rolled the window down.
"Look." Terra said as she peered out of it. "I think we're here."
"Good." Holly rubbed her hands together. "Let's go strut our stuff, pitch a few pants tents and win some awards!"
TTTTTTTTTT
I could hear the cheering crowd of several thousand even over the rumble of my bike as I lead the two limousines into the square in front of City Hall. The crowd pushed forward to get a better look, but our route was barricaded off by police officers and wooden beams. More than a few video recorders were trained on us. Flashbulbs from cameras damn near blinded me but, thankfully, most of them weren't pointed at me. Folks were a lot more interested in the pageant contestants, not the guard in the cowboy hat.
Across the way in a circle of police cars stood the two detectives, Decker and Walker. The cigarette between Walker's lips reminded me it had been a little while since my last one. A woman in a tan dress suit stood beside them. Woman or not, she looked like somebody you didn't want to cross.
Outlined by a big billboard, I saw Starfire and Noir on a nearby roof. I took one hand off the handlebars and waved. I couldn't see if they waved back, though, because something large suddenly blocked my sight.
A ship.
A ship?
A British voice squealed over the loudspeaker.
"Hold your horses before you even think of tossing them medals, ya thick nogginned, arse-over-elbow Yank Secessionists! It's about bloody time a real Mod had a go at groomin' these phinnies right and proper, aye?"
