Dark.

It's dark.

He cannot feel his body, none of his five senses were working. He wondered how his consciousness was still working. In this space time passed, but for how long? He didn't know, there was no sign of it ever ending. He was aware of nothing and so, he waited, and waited. But for what? It's as if he was waiting for something to happen or perhaps he just wanted for this to end, nonetheless he waited.


Alvaro's eyes shot wide open. He was greeted by a flash of colors. Being blinding him at the sudden sight he closed them as quickly as they opened. Slowly adjusting, he opened them to once again to see his fellow spirits floating.

W-what? D-didn't I die?

The feeling of how I died. My emotions. My thoughts. Everything felt so…real, it couldn't possibly be fake.

He struggled to comprehend his situation. It wasn't like the idea of returning by death was unbelievable. Of course, it shouldn't be possible, but this was a fantasy world. Many things that don't follow the logic of what he was accustomed to. But you see, that wasn't the cause of his denial. It was a much more simple reason.

Why me?

Out of all the people in the world, why had he been chosen to have this ability? An ability that would be able to have the world at his hands, why did it have to be him? In his eyes, he wasn't a person deserving of this, he couldn't use the ability to its fullest. He was a normal human in another world. He wasn't given anything to make the journey easier. He was a lone man against the world.

If someone else had this ability, they would definitely use it better than him. Not to mention that considering that everyone is more powerful than him and would be able to use that ability as another ability of countless they already possessed. Sure, the pain of dying would hurt, but people can just kill themselves without suffering. Plus they could do whatever they wanted.

Yet someone like me got the ability. What am I even supposed to do with it? I have nothing to strive for, so how should I use it? Do I even have the privilege to even use it? Such a broken ability is wasted on me.

And so, he lamented all of the deaths that would occur due to his incompetent self having the ability. Alvaro shook his head, this wasn't the time to think of such things. He needed to think of a way of getting out of this predicament.

However, he wasted all the time by sulking as if his life had not been in danger. Alvaro wasn't as lucky as to have the leisure to do that. As such, the only thing he could do is prepare for the attack.

"Get ready to attack," whispered Alvaro, motioning his left hand towards the entrance while his right hand took out the weapon.

The spirits nodded or an action that seemed like it as they all moved away from the entrance.

This isn't good, I'm panicking too much. If only I had a bit more time to calm myself!

The decision of attack is pretty stupid. Alvaro also knew that, yet he still chose that approach. Taking a deep breath, his eyesight was fixated at the entrance. He knew this was a futile attempt, but he couldn't give up now. He shoved away all of his thoughts, so that he could at least concentrate. He had many questions, but he knew now wasn't the right time to inquire about it.

The moment he caught a glimpse of them, the spirits fired their own spells one by one. The cave was shaped like a vase, with the narrow part being where the entrance was located.

As his hand hovered over his weapon, he proceeded to take it out, while the weapon was customized to his liking it didn't mean it somewhat resembled the rest of the cultist weapons. Alvaro stood there, not moving a single step. The last time he tried such a thing it didn't go as he expected, quite the opposite in fact.

And to prove him right, the air was dispelled by the same person. Well, more like the same spell. All of them look at Alvaro either with gazes filled with hate or disgust.

"Why are you all looking at me like that? Weren't you all going to kill me at sight? I'm just protecting myself, what is wrong with that?" Alvaro opened his arms wide open, glaring at them.

When Alvaro paid more attention to them, that's when his eyesight came across the body of a knight. The initial attack was successful as there was absolutely no chance he was alive. Another of them was holding his burned arm as a light began healing it. Alvaro slowly walked towards them, ready to fight them back with all his might.

"I'll ask, do you have any intention to leave me alone?" A very futile attempt, but he still grabbed onto the chance.

"…"

"Like I thought…" Alvaro clenched his weapon, sighing softly.

I don't want to die.

Why did these thoughts fill his mind? For someone who had apparently lost everything dear to him, the lingering thought of wanting to live increased so much that it even surprised him. Was it just the human instinct to survive? Perhaps it is something else? Did he truly desire something so much that he would push himself for? So much that he feared the thought of dying a permanent death?

I—

"—!"

A piece of sharp metal, a sword pierced his chest, right through his heart. Immediately after there was another. No, that was himself, when one of them stabbed him, he immediately went to stab them. He pushed, twisted, the sword and then pulled it out, making blood flow out of the knight's back. The knight lost his grip on the sword, his body fell down.

As if I'll die like this, if I am then I'll bring you all down with me.

Alvaro stared at the lifeless body of the knight, his vision fading. The sword stuck on his chest caused his agony. His breath rasped inside his throat which was caused by his desperate attempt to live. As to mock him, the already immense pain multiplied at each try to breathe. Alvaro fought to keep his eyelids from shutting. Ultimately he failed as another knight swiftly took out the sword, his legs that could barely support, gave out on him.

Now that he thought about it, there was no evidence that he would come back from death. This could be the final death, and he wasted it.

Hahahaha…

I'm fucking useless.

Insults.

He could only insult his uselessness. Even his low expectations he set for himself were broken by how horrible they were. Why could he never do things right? Why did he have to make choices that left him with the worst outcome? He cursed himself, knowing he deserves the worst for all of his actions. That's why he was dying like this.

Yet he clinged to life, not letting go, no matter the circumstances. He really was the definition of scum. Pathetically clinging to life although he knew he deserved this fate. Such a contradiction was fitted for such a person like him. His body lost its heat at an alarming rate. Death was near.

It finally caught up. He had died once again.


He gasped as the air filled his mouth. Although he was happy at living, hopelessness filled him.

I am back. I haven't died…but I'll do so if I don't survive.

Unfortunately, Alvaro couldn't catch a break since more suffering came his way. This time he sensed his back being slashed, Alvaro staggered at the nearing wall. Clawing the wall with all his energy. Another round of stabbing occurred with Alvaro now biting his lip. The pain stopped, an unknown liquid flowed down.

Huh?

But before he could confirm what the source was he was forced to see some things that appeared to be the memory's of his failed loop.

"Damn it!"

That's definitely my voice.

"Try all you want, you can't trick us with your act." he mocked.

"Shit, it seemed like I was right. I did indeed attempt the same thing in the first loop…"

With that the memory faded out.

Wait! This changed things, does that mean I looped without me remembering?

Never mind that! I don't have time, how should I get through this?

Alvaro quickly grabbed his gospel and opened it. Blood from his nails splattered onto the ground. Either he was too preoccupied to notice or he didn't care, but Alvaro didn't pay attention to it. The blank pages greeted him, not a single thing was updated. He glared at the thing, this was part of why he was having such a hard time. This book hadn't helped him since he came into this world. It even made him meet the witch cult which led him to this.

He didn't want to meet them?

He flipped one page back, to where the first time it got updated. He had to see it for himself before making a conclusion.

"Avoid Witch Cult, do not meet them," said Alvaro in between ragged breaths, blood drops tainting the clear pages.

He let the book drop, nicely closing by itself. Alvaro didn't know what to think about this. On one hand it was what he really thought, but on the other hand how could it possibly know what he wanted? When he thought about it properly he never checked it until a week after he was with them.

Nonetheless, he had no use of the gospel. As convenient as it could be, it seemed like it would bring more harm than good. That's why he needed to get rid of it.

Alvaro's life was basically running on a timer, due to this his decision had little to no thought on it. He will be bound to make a rash decision. All for his survival. At that instance he began his gamble. A straight bet between himself and life.

He quickly unzipped his tracksuit, rolled the top of his shirt. Both hands shook uncontrollably, his fingers could barely keep still. Despite this he continued, not slowing down.

"Sol," he called out inside his mind.

"What is it? You've been acting strange all of a sudden. Not to mention you're bleeding from your nails."

Ah, I made her worry for me…

Dismissing his thoughts, he quickly continued, "That doesn't matter. Listen, I want you to use Goa to burn this gospel."

"But—"

"There's no time! I'll explain later, so please hurry up!" Alvaro pleaded to his spirit, hoping it would listen.

"Fine…"

This worked as the spirit followed his order, using Goa, aiming straight at the gospel. The spell hit, setting the book on fire. The sudden flare of the book lit his face as he watched the flames gradually incinerate the gospel.

Finally finishing the gag, Alvaro placed his mouth on it, biting on it with all the strength he could muster. Although he did roll his shirt, he made sure for it to at least cover his lower abdominal area.

He unsheathed his sword with a firm grip, ignoring the red liquid slowly dripping down, covering the shiny metallic weapon with tiny drops of red. Hovering over his abdomen, hesitation plagued him.

What are you hesitating for?! Weren't you the one who decided to do this! Now is not the time to cower away!

Steady air was taken in and out.

He cleared his m—

"!!!" The unknown scream was muffled by the cloth placed into his mouth.

Pain.

The sword was plunged into his stomach. The most painful part had yet to happen.

Even though Alvaro's legs gave up, he used his left hand and knees to keep himself from completely falling. Going on an upright position, supported by his knees, Alvaro endured the anguish.

He wanted for the pain to stop. Death was far less painful. Yes, that's better for everyone. He would be given mercy, and no one would be sad by his death. The torment almost made him forget his original goal, but the will to survive preserved his sanity.

I will persevere through this. Not because I want to live, but because this is the greatest and worst thing that could happen to me!

However, his sanity is far long gone. Quite a long time ago. Otherwise, none of this would even happen.

A different choice, a different mindset, a different path. All of this contributes to what could have been a way more forgiving route. Yet, he will experience none of that, by what his own actions led him to this.

Not even the gospel can save him.

That's why he's the perfect candidate.

Grabbing onto the sword for dear life, against his survival instincts telling him otherwise, Alvaro forcefully pulled the sword out. Midway he lost grip of the sword, sending it flying. Luckily, due to him being near a wall the sword didn't go far.

A burst of blood spilled out like a dam bursting open. The liquid streamed towards the location of the gospel. He hunched over, pouring every single amount of his own blood into the fire, with each drop the smell became worse. Even with the horrible, pungent, nauseous smell he carried on.

He groaned, drowsiness enveloping him as if telling him his time was over. With his current weakness, he had no choice but to wait for the inevitable outcome.

Losing his strength, he naturally let himself hit the ground with a thud. His eyes closed, whether that meant he had lost his life or he simply went unconscious.

Only time will tell.


I want to clear any misconceptions, at the beginning of the chapter the mc is not in the shadow garden, the only similarity is that it's his conscious. He just there waiting for him to return. It'll be explain further.

This mc gets no get any bitches unlike Subaru. ;-;

While you've been reading the chapter, I'm sure you have noticed that many things may have went by a bit too fast.

Don't worry not all loops will be like this. It was just this specific one.

With this chapter I wanted to develop his character while not letting have more time to gather his thoughts. That's why even if the story is in third person, some sentences end abruptly. Another reason why I chose this story to be in third person.

Although I said his ability is similar to return by death, that isn't entirely true. It's more like a worse version of it.

By the way, the mc won't be insulting himself all the type, the only reason he is doing it is because of the current circumstances.

Thanks for reading!