I heard that song we used to dance to all night long. And it nearly killed me. All those memories we've had together, all those promises we made. Sometimes I just can't take it anymore, ready to pack my bags and head out that door. I'm sure he'd love that.
I've often wondered about those witness protection program where your life would change drastically with a new identity. But then, it can't erase away your memories of your previous life, can it? I am so tired, tired of everything and everyone around me looking at me as if I was the one who stole him away from her. I had him first, he was mine. He wasn't hers to keep. But, it frightens me that he'll change his decision and go to her. When he's in bed at night, I wonder what his thoughts and feelings are? Is he with her in his dreams? I just don't know how to be a wife to him again. Even if somehow we do get closer to each other, I'm afraid he'll call her name out loud instead of mine. Is love even in his vocabulary when it comes to me?
We really do need to have a heart-to-heart talk about our feelings for each other. I'd like to ask him why he chose me over her. Because, "you are my wife," is not the answer I'm looking for. I'd like him to say..."I chose you because I love you. I chose you because you still make my heart beat rapidly whenever I see you. I chose you because I love the way you would always crinkle your nose whenever you took a sip of your first cup of coffee in the morning. I chose you because I love the way you touch me."
And I weep.
