Who the hell are they kidding? Lover's spat? My dear hubby and his supposedly ex-girlfriend, Dr. Meredith Grey are at it again. I could actually feel the tension between them, at the vet's and in the elevator. I stood between them and bloody asked if they had a fight? "No," they both tell me. "Are we all still friends?" I asked. Their answer was yes. I wasn't born yesterday! If they haven't screwed each other as of yet, they will in time. "Friends"? I don't want to be friends with her. I've never been her friend. And I never will.

God! I can feel their sexual tension. That yearning for each other. It's still there.

What's going on between him and Meredith? I asked him as he prepped for surgery. He tells me nothing's going on with them. I know he's making love to her in his dreams. That night he came home wanting to make love to me. He couldn't wait to jump on me. And that steamy shower scene we had. We hadn't made love like that in years. But then, again, was it me he was thinking of? He can't have her and I'm just someone who can fill his empty heart. He's never stopped loving her. And he never will.

Derek loves Meredith. Meredith loves Derek. I can't compete with that. I want so much for him to love me, but, it won't happen, it will never happen. And I know the reason why. It's only because...

I'm not Meredith Grey.