CHAPTER 4: FROM PAST TO PRESENT


When the scarlet-haired woman in shining steel armour wiped her blade clean into the dead wolf's fur, Natsu broke into cold sweat. His trembling fingers curled into fists as his terrified heart raced in an erratic rhythm. He took a muddling step back, and then another, as if his legs were moving on their own.

He knew that woman, and not on any good terms.

"What is it?" Lucy asked. She stared at him with a furrowed brow while she began to secure the hunting bow into her back with leather straps. "Where are you going?"

Natsu kept his eyes strictly on the warrior, fearing for his life that she'd notice him if he'd move too swiftly. "To Riverwood."

"But they'll arrest you."

"I'd rather be arrested by them than that beast," Natsu hissed and turned around. Before he managed to take a first running step, Lucy grabbed the neckline of his robes, pulling him back. Her grip was surprisingly strong.

"You can't just run away –"

"Natsu of Dragonbridge, is that really you?" a fierce voice said from the distance, making shivers run down Natsu's spine. The warrior's stare stung like ice on his skin. "You're still alive? Honestly, I didn't expect to see you again."

"… fuck."

His face lost all colour when Lucy spun him over. The warrior walked down the hill with the sword in her hand, and Natsu's legs went weak. With the ruins of Helgen smoking behind her, one could almost believe she had destroyed the town. She was a beast for a woman, more muscular than most men. He could still feel his bones breaking when met by her iron fist.

"What brings you here today, fire mage?" the woman asked. Natsu kept his head low to avoid her gaze. Lucy poked his side, urging him to answer.

"I… I was at Helgen…" he stuttered quietly, like a child being scolded by his mother. Words stuck in his throat as if he had swallowed thistles. He knew Erza wouldn't care about that – she'd squeeze anything out of him, either information or guts, whatever she'd want.

"What were you doing at Helgen?"

Natsu bit his tongue, finally daring to look her in the eyes. Those brown eyes pierced through him as her sword had done to the wolves. There was no lying to her, or he'd be the next to fall on that sharpened steel. "Being executed," he let out as a whisper.

The warrior's lips bent into a mocking grin. "Why am I not surprised?" she scoffed, placing her fist on her hip. "What did you even do? Well, actually, I don't care. Should I arrest you and take you to the Jarl?"

Natsu sunk his nails deeper into his palms. He tried to hold back the urge to hit her, knowing it would end badly, but damn, he wouldn't let anyone take him into jail. Not after being freed from Imperial captivity just yesterday. However, fighting her with magic wasn't an option. He couldn't burn her to death like any other bandit and escape with it. The Companions had her back – if they'd find out what happened to her, they'd come at Natsu with the whole army.

There was still one thing he could use against her.

"If you do," he started quietly, then raising his voice, "I swear on my dead mother that I'll let them know about your little connections with the Dark Brotherhood!"

Her dark eyes widened, then she looked around to make sure they were alone. Had she forgotten she'd slipped that secret back then? Natsu grinned, knowing he had succeeded in putting her into submission.

"Okay, okay. I won't arrest you if you shut up about that," she whispered, a hint of panic chiming in her voice.

Suddenly, Lucy stepped in between them and waved her hands to break up their quarrel. "Shor's bones, what's going on?" she asked, then turned to look at the warrior. "Who are you?"

The scarlet-haired woman sheathed her blade before she introduced herself. "My name is Erza, and I fight for the Companions," she said, placed her hand on her chest, and bowed to them.

After threatening to arrest him, Natsu found the gesture mocking instead of honouring. At least Lucy seemed impressed, the girl clasping her hands together in excitement. It surprised Natsu to see her so excited. She had been so wrecked earlier. Perhaps she still was, and that happiness was just a fake cover over her grief.

"Oh, the Companions!" Lucy gasped, eyes sparkling. "I've heard so many tales about your glorious battles!"

"And most of them are only tales. Mostly, we just drink mead in Jorrvaskar and brawl," Erza said. "Who are you, young lady?"

Seeing the women engaging in a conversation, Natsu stepped aside as sneakily as he could. Being near the warrior made him restless, even when she had declined of arresting him. Companions were known as heroes of Skyrim, fighting for the weak and protecting the innocent, but Natsu had seen the different side of them. Lucy clearly hadn't.

Natsu had learned a long time ago that reality wasn't anything like the stories told. Stories don't make you bleed, he thought. When you've lived protected behind strong stone walls, all stories do is make you want to be a part of them.

"My name is Lucy," she started, then abruptly silenced. "I am… no, I was a merchant. In Helgen. Before… Before the dragon attacked, and… destroyed everything. Have you heard of it yet?"

"Unfortunately I have. You were there when it happened?" Erza asked. Lucy nodded as an answer. "You're the first survivors I've heard about. I'm on my way to investigate the ruins. Sooner or later, the Thalmor are bound to check the scene, and I'd rather be done with that before they arrive. Would you mind telling me more about the dragon? The reports of eyewitnesses would be crucial for my work."

Lucy's shoulders tensed for a moment. She glanced at the mage, but decided to answer before he'd say his opinion. "Of… of course, if it would help, I'd –"

"We are a bit busy right now," Natsu interrupted, glaring back at Lucy. What was the Companion even doing with some dragon investigation? That seemed suspicious to Natsu. "We're heading to Winterhold, so we should get going already. Right, Lucy?"

"Winterhold?" Erza wondered, gesturing towards Riverwood. "It's the other way around."

"We're taking the mountain route."

"But why? The way is dangerous," the warrior said and looked at Lucy. "Frost trolls, ice wraths, bandits… Why would you take her on such a journey? You can barely take care of yourself."

"None of your business," Natsu scoffed. "I'm a lot stronger than what I was two years ago. I was just a boy then."

"And you still are. As stubborn as ever. Anyway, I'm ready to put our old quarrel aside. If you need help on your trip, I'll let you know that I'm on my way to Kynesgrove. I'll be going through the mountains as well. We could –"

Natsu crossed his arms on his chest, scoffing, "We won't travel together."

"For your friend's sake. If I were you, I'd swallow my pride and come with me. There have been many bear attacks lately in the area."

Natsu knew she didn't want to help them. She just wanted information, and now that he thought about it, letting her know what he remembered might have been a mistake. What if Erza wanted to silence him for what he knew? Travelling with her would be a suicide.

"Natsu, I think we should accept her help," Lucy said. She tried to get eye contact with him, but he kept his stare locked on the scarlet-haired warrior. Noticing he wouldn't budge, she turned to Erza again. "I can tell you everything I remember from the dragon attack if you'd help us."

Natsu let out a frustrated sigh, shielding his eyes with his palm.

Erza nodded. "Every bit of knowledge will be valuable for me. In return, I can escort you through the mountains and teach you to defend yourself. No offence, but you don't look too skilled with that bow."

"That would be amazing!" Lucy almost exclaimed. "I've never shot with a bow before, but I'd love to learn from a Companion."

As Lucy's lips twitched into a smile, Natsu knew there was no way to change her mind now. He sighed and dragged his fingers down his face. As if the morning hadn't been rough enough already. First, he had woken up to find Riverwood crowded, and then this shit had to happen. There were too many changes to his plan for his mind to follow. Too many inconveniences.

"Then it's settled," Erza announced, sounding satisfied. "Are you coming or not, fire wizard? I'll check Helgen's ruins first, but then we can get going. Let's just hope that the dragon won't return."

He didn't want to, but what choice did he have? He had promised to take Lucy to Winterhold, and if he intended to keep that promise, he had to stay with her.

"Fine," Natsu sighed, fighting back a pout. Perhaps it would be safer that way, but Natsu wouldn't trust the warrior right ahead. Not unless he'd be sure Erza wouldn't slaughter him in his sleep.

Broken bones had an excellent memory.


The town was still smouldering when they walked through the open gates, and the air smelled of smoke and burned flesh.

Natsu didn't exactly want to be there. The road to the mountains went through the city, but why stay there any longer than necessary? Worry gnawed his stomach as he thought about Lucy. It must be so hard for her to return to her old hometown, but she hid it so spectacularly well it was almost concerning. Perhaps it was the company of the Companion that caused her to mask her sorrow, perhaps she had gone numb to it already. Natsu wished he could, too.

Keeping a proper distance to them, Natsu circled the edges of the city, not knowing what to do. He kept glancing at the mountains ahead of them as he restlessly waited for the women to be done with that gods-forsaken investigation of the ashes. To him, there was nothing worth investigating. A dragon had been there. That was all.

All that mattered to him was that this was the place where his best friend had died.

Natsu slid his hands into the pockets of his robes and kicked a stone. It rolled into gleaming cinders, casting a spark. It wasn't easy for him to be there either, where a long road had ended and another had begun. The plaza was right behind the corner with the damned block which had claimed Igneel's life, and ended a part of his.

Natsu sat down on a fallen roof, resting his chin to his hands. His eyes wandered to the plaza again and again, no matter how he tried to focus on something else. He glanced at Lucy, who examined the size of a dragon's footprint, then at Erza. Suddenly, he just shuddered. As always, a feminine beauty failed to distract him, leaving there was no other choice than to answer the block's call. As if Igneel wanted him to say goodbye.

Natsu jumped down from the charred logs and slowly walked through the ruins, leaving his footprints on the ashes.

The cold autumn wind played with the mage's pink hair and swayed his robes as he stood alone in the middle of the empty square. An executioner's axe lay on the ground next to the block, glimmering in the midday sun. His chest tightened as he arrived at the block and saw his reflection on the weapon's surface. It had been so close to his neck that he could almost feel the pain of it severing his head.

Natsu raised his eyes from the axe and saw a headless body dragged into the shade of a watchtower. The sight tore his heart apart. The College robes were barely recognizable, but the corpse itself hadn't burned so well. Soon the crows would feast on the remains – Igneel deserved better than to be stripped from all dignity and left to rot. The Dunmer cremated their dead, so leaving his corpse like this would equal spitting in the face of Azura.

Natsu gazed around, trying to find the missing part of his friend. In the furthest corner of the plaza, there was a ball, the size of a head.

Only the elven ears confirmed that the head had belonged to Igneel. The familiar face and auburn hair were gone. With tears welling up in his eyes, his guts wrenching, Natsu picked the head up and carried it to the body – he didn't want to do this, his mind was spinning from the absurd brutality, but it was his responsibility. Gently, he placed it back on Igneel's shoulders, a sob shredding its way out of his throat, grief so sharp his whole body stung.

"Azura's wisdom to you, my friend," he whispered and touched the dead man's forehead. Natsu summoned a spark that set the corpse on fire. He intensified the flames until the pyre roared skywards, cremating the remains of Igneel. Though they weren't related by blood, Natsu had always looked up to him as an older brother, as a replacement for the one he had lost.

As the smoke went up, Natsu turned around and picked up the bloody axe. The steel felt heavy in his hands, unfamiliar as he was to weapons forged from metal instead of magic. Ignoring that, he struck it to the wooden block with all of his force. Grunting, he pulled it back and swung it again, and again, and again, until nothing but smithereens remained of the wood.

He needed something to pour his anger into, and the block happened to be the closest target. Yesterday he had been just playing with the thought of killing the Imperials, and now it began to grow in him. Killing them all wouldn't bring Igneel back, but he was damn sure he would enjoy it.

He stopped as he felt eyes on him. Natsu lifted his head and met the blonde girl's wondering gaze. He tossed the axe to the ground, waiting for Lucy to ask 'what in the Oblivion are you doing', but she didn't.

Maybe she understood.


When they passed through the burning ruins, Lucy's mind clouded in fog.

If her memories of yesterday were already scarce, now everything seemed to fade to black. The streets and buildings she had known by heart were now nothing more than mere ghosts. She couldn't recall who had lived where, or where the inn or the alchemy shop had been. It was all just the same, smouldering ruin, something she couldn't recognise.

She had tried to answer Erza's questions, but her words had died on her tongue. She hadn't been even able to recall how large the dragon had been. Had it been the size of a mammoth or bigger? Lucy wasn't sure. The footprints it had left on the ashes let Erza estimate the size, but made Lucy feel bad for not being able to remember. Damn it, she'd been lucky enough to encounter a Companion who'd teach her how to shoot with a bow, who'd accompany them through this dangerous trip, and she couldn't even help her in return. The joy she had felt earlier began to wither.

Erza had noticed her growing discomfort and told her she could tell more later once her mind had settled down a bit. Lucy had agreed, and so she roamed the ruins on her own while Erza took samples of the ashes into small glass bottles.

When Lucy reached her home, she halted.

The roof had fallen in and the walls had collapsed, letting her see indoors where everything had burned. The counter, the shelves, the stairs leading to their living quarters – everything was gone. Breathing became difficult, but if it was for the smoke or the grief, Lucy couldn't tell.

She had been standing on the porch with her parents when the dragon attacked, and now nothing was left of that porch. The wall had crumbled on her, sheltering her from the dragon's fire, but trapping her at the same. How did the mage even manage to save her from there? Or even notice she was in there?

Seeing how close to death she had been made her blood run cold. If she had been standing closer to her mother, she would've shared her fate. Lucy hadn't believed in fate until now, but a surviving that sheer couldn't be just a coincidence.

She let out a long sigh. Tears tried to well up in her eyes again, but she didn't let them fall. Her parents had become ashes, and that, strangely, brought her comfort. There was no evidence of their deaths, no bodies to weep on, only ash. She could almost hope that her parents had just disappeared somewhere across the stars. It was all different for the mage. For him, there had been evidence, and very little hope.

"So, you worked in this store?"

Lucy flinched as the mage spoke behind her. She hadn't heard him coming. Lucy turned at him, glad to see he had recovered from his tantrum. Feeling a lump forming in her throat, she nodded.

"My family had owned it for generations. It would've passed down to me because I didn't have any siblings," she explained, causing the mage to cast her a long, studying gaze.

"Let me guess, you've wanted to leave this city for years and join the College, but your parents didn't let you?"

Lucy looked down and sighed. "Exactly. And I feel horrible that my prayers came true this way."

Natsu was silent for a while. He walked next to her, appearing to be deep in thought as he stared into the ruins. But what he was thinking, Lucy couldn't tell.

"My dad was so furious when I wanted to go to the College," Natsu said then to break the silence. He hesitated for a while as if considering if he should tell more or keep quiet, but then he spoke again. "My older brother left for the College when I was a kid. He sent us letters every month for five years, but they suddenly stopped. There wasn't a word from him in a year, and the worry killed my mom. For her sake, I wanted to go find out what happened to my brother. Dad wouldn't let me, but I left anyway. I was about thirteen back then."

Lucy kept her eyes on the ruins. It surprised her to hear him opening up, but perhaps he found it fitting to tell his own story, perhaps he sought to distract her from all of this.

"He probably didn't want to lose you too," Lucy answered and finally dared to look at him. He'd been so young when he had left, all alone in the ruthless world. Suddenly, his formerly cold reactions to the deaths in Embershard didn't seem so strange. "Did you find your brother?"

The mage shook his head, something in his features growing gloomier. "He had been missing for a year when I went to the College. And he's still missing."

"Maybe you'll find him someday."

"I don't want to," he said sharply. "I have other things to do. Like avenging the death of a man who was more a brother to me than my own flesh and blood ever was."

"By destroying the execution block?"

"Gotta start somewhere."

Seeking vengeance was a part of grieving, but Lucy didn't have that. She couldn't even hope to avenge the death of her parents – killing a dragon was a completely ruled-out option. Focusing on building a new life was the only thing she could do now. Vengeance wouldn't bring back the dead, but Lucy didn't want to say that to the mage. He'd learn it by himself over time. It wasn't up to her to teach him.

"Where are you from, Natsu?" Lucy asked, trying to change the subject. "Is your father still alive?"

"From a small farmhouse near Dragonbridge, where my dad still lives with his dogs unless he has finally died of rockjoint," he answered. "But the College is my home now, and the mages are my family. As it will be yours."

Lucy smiled shyly and looked up to the sky. It was noon, but the smoke and dying flames hid away the sun, making it appear like a copper disk behind the dark-grey veil. For a moment it felt like she'd never feel sunshine on her face again. Erza's voice snapped her out of the impending despair.

"It's time to go now," Erza said from a distance. "We should check the city keep before we leave. You need fur cloaks if you want to survive through the mountains."

Natsu gazed at the warrior with fierce repulsion and fear in his eyes.

"Are you going to tell me what happened between you two?" Lucy whispered to him as Erza left for the fortress. "I'd like to hear that story."

"You don't."

"Why? She's so friendly and warm."

"Ask that from my poor broken rib bones," Natsu scoffed. "They still hurt when I see her."

Lucy chuckled. It was getting even more interesting. "She broke your heart?"

His eyes widened and disgust twisted his face. "No, no. Goodness, no! Only my bones."

Lucy's gaze went from his head to toes, studying his slim build. As a Breton, he was rather slender for a man. Comparing his size to Erza's, who was a sturdy Nord warrior, Lucy somewhat figured out what had happened between them. Maybe they had clashed in the past. And judging from the mage's whining, he had lost.

"But what was that talk about the Dark Brotherhood?" Lucy asked with a quiet voice. She didn't know much about the guild of assassins, except that they weren't up to any good.

"Well, you didn't hear this from me," Natsu started and shrugged. "She's in bed with a man from the Brotherhood."

"Really? She told you that?"

Lucy couldn't believe what she had heard, and Natsu didn't have time to answer.

"Are you coming or not?" the warrior hollered at the keep's door. Without continuing the conversation any further, they followed her.


Some parts of the keep had miraculously survived the attack. From the city guard's quarters, they found everything they needed to equip them for the journey. Lucy gathered every arrow she could carry. She found a fitting fur cloak and a bedroll for herself – Erza had promised there was enough room for three people in her tent. However, Lucy presumed Natsu would rather sleep in the cold outside than near that beast, as the mage called her.

The day was still bright and young when they headed to the east. Sunlight filtered through mighty pines and ancient spruces framing the road of cobbled stone, which led up to the mountain.

A taunting feeling of unsafety flooded to Lucy's chest when Helgen was left behind. When she had been a child playing in the forest with her friends, she had never lost sight of the city walls. Father told her that a group of hagravens lived at Orphan Rock and hunted the children who wandered too far from home. She had believed that, but now she knew there were worse things in the world than hagravens.

"So, you have ever used a bow before?" Erza asked her suddenly, pulling her out of the childhood memory.

"Never."

"My shield-sister Aela is an excellent huntress," she said. "She always says that composure is the key to a successful archer. If you can remain calm, even in the midst of chaos, your arrow will most likely find its target. That's where you should start."

Lucy knew she had much to learn. Back in the mine, she had panicked and survived by pure luck. With a bow, there was no room for panic. Arrows wouldn't fly from trembling hands. It could take long before she'd learn to cast any spells, but at least the bow was real, already there for her to wield.

"Should I try now?" Lucy asked.

"Why not. The road is empty and calm. It will be harder to train up in the mountains. The cold will make you shaky. Take the bow, and I'll show you the basics."

Lucy released the bow from the straps on her back and pulled an arrow from the quiver. The iron arrow felt so fragile in her hands, and she wondered how that would ever kill anything.

"Are we really stopping now?" Natsu sighed loudly, having walked far ahead of them. He clearly wasn't up to chatting with them along the way. "I'm going to be bored to death."

"At least your death sentence would take care of itself, saving the headman from the trouble," Erza replied. "It might even be less painful that way."

"But too damn slow."

"We'll take a few shots and then we'll carry on," Lucy said. "You do whatever you want while I train a bit."

Natsu rolled his eyes, then suddenly summoned a flame atronach. A flaming, floating creature with a feminine figure evoked so much envy in Lucy. 'If I could do that too…' she thought. Then Natsu threw a firebolt at it, engaging the daedra into a playful fight.

"What are you doing that for?" Lucy cried out, all awe disappearing from her.

"I'm training too," the mage said as he dodged the atronach's fireball.

Erza sighed. "He hasn't changed at all," she whispered to Lucy before shouting back at the mage. "Hey, don't set the entire forest on fire, alright?"

Natsu didn't seem to hear as he continued the fight with the atronach. Trying to ignore that, Lucy placed the arrow's nock on the string and upon Erza's approval, she began to pull.

The Imperial archers made it look so easy. She had to use all her strength to draw the string until it touched her cheek. She couldn't keep the string fully pulled back for more than a second, and then her fingers slipped and the arrow fell weakly to the ground. The string slapped her arm, and it hurt, even though the leather bracers.

"First, you have to get your stance right," Erza helped, demonstrating the correct posture with her feet. "Remember to keep it consistent. Use the same stance every time. It's the foundation of your shot."

Lucy picked up the fallen arrow, fixed her posture, and placed her feet as the Companion guided.

"Just how can you do this in the middle of a battle?" Lucy sighed.

"We've trained for years. You've trained for five minutes. Remember that. Now, nock another arrow and try again. Keep your anchor point the same every time as well. Your chin, cheek, corner of your mouth, whatever feels the best, but always keep it the same."

Lucy nodded, placed the arrow on the string and pulled it towards her jaw. The weight of the string didn't take her by the surprise this time, but it tired her arm all the same. The moment the nock touched her skin, she released her hold.

And as Natsu dodged the arrow and gave her an annoyed look, Lucy realized she had forgotten to aim.

"Damn it," she cursed silently.

"It's okay. Keep your eyes on the target next time. A few more shots and then we'll carry on before that idiot sets something on fire."

Lucy nodded. However, a question was burning her mind, curiosity itching like a bug bite.

"How did you two meet? He won't tell me."

Erza looked at the mage for a moment. "It was two years ago. He had been causing some trouble for someone, and my job was to rough him up to remind him how to behave. That's what the Companions do these days, beat people up when people don't bother to do it themselves."

"And he lost that fight?" Lucy asked. She barely heard anything from the explosions of Natsu's firebolts.

"Look at him. He's slight of build, not exactly made for a physical brawl. I found him in an inn at Windhelm, piss-drunk, and told him I'd come to teach him a lesson. He was too drunk to fight properly, so he challenged me to another brawl when he'd sobered up, for a hundred gold. I admitted, for a true Nord never misses a chance to test her worth. I spent the night in the inn drinking with him, and we brawled the next day. He was left with broken bones and a hundred gold lighter pockets."

The mage rolled on the ground as the atronach's fireball hit him and the fire caught his robes. Lucy couldn't help but laugh a bit. It felt good, like honey on the wound of grief.

"That's how an old Nord wisdom goes," Lucy chuckled. "You don't know a woman 'til you've had a strong drink and a fistfight with her."

"That's true. He was a chatty one that night. He told me all about his adventures and the crazy things he had done. It didn't surprise me that someone hired muscle to beat him up."

Judging from what Natsu had told her, Erza had probably told him a thing or two about herself as well. Lucy notched another arrow and drew back, keeping her eye precisely on the tree. When she was about to release, she heard a low, loud growl. She flinched, loosening her hold as a full-grown black bear stood upright behind the bushes.

"Sorry!" the fire wizard shouted. "I pissed off a bear!"