Author's note: Trigger warning for sexual assault in the first bit of this chapter.
Chapter 7: BBQ
Sakura was the kind of girl who always liked to be prepared. She earned a reputation from grade school as a know-it-all and a goody-two-shoes, but that was only because she didn't like surprises. Her father's death took her by surprise, and ever since then she decided something like that would never happen again. As long as she was regimented – as long as she could control absolutely everything, she would be okay.
So, at 18, after six months of dating Sasuke Uchiha, she was determined to make sure their first time together was perfect. Candlelight, rose petals, the works. She'd bought new lingerie and even endured a Hollywood wax –which wasn't nearly as a glamorous as she'd expected— (although at one point she definitely thought she saw stars) in an attempt to be on 'top form'.
She snuck two bottles of red wine from her mother's secret stash, a bouquet of roses from Ino's family store, and saved up all the cash from her part time job to book a night at a love hotel from them. Sure, it was a little much, a little cheesy maybe, but she'd held back for so long, she deserved some flash. There'd been months of making out and a little heavy petting, but nothing all the way.
The plan was to check in together at 9, but as usual Sasuke was running late. Sakura had one glass of the wine to calm her nerves – then another and another as the hours ticked by. Before she knew it, both bottles were drained.
Sasuke showed up four hours late, but if she was honest, she was glad he'd shown at all.
"You smell like a brewery," he chuckled against her neck.
"Sorry." Sakura was wobbly on her feet. You smell like perfume, she wanted to say, but instead leaned into his touch. It was rare that he touched her gently anymore.
"You're always sorry, aren't you?" He kissed her, and she found he tasted vaguely of beer. Sakura wasn't sure if he was trying to insult her but smiled hopefully.
"I just mean, like, I'd do anything for you." She looped her arms around his neck.
It was true. Sakura could understand what it meant to be a loner – she didn't grow up having a lot of friends, and her mom was so strung out on pills lately, some days it was as good as living alone. Ino should have been her ride or die, but ever since Sai, things were different. Sakura's life had been boring before Sasuke, and with a bit of care and a lot of love she was sure she could mend the broken parts of him.
"Show me," he said.
"Yeah?" Sakura spun out of his arms with a giggle and headed for the bed.
She'd planned to strip effortlessly out of her lingerie and spread out onto the comforter, but unsteady, she tripped, flopping face down onto the bed. Sasuke chuckled – a strangely bitter sound – and slapped her ass.
"Is that how you want it your first time?" he hummed against her ear. "Up the ass?"
Sakura turned back over and gave an exaggerated gasp. "Don't be filthy."
"You are filthy…" he ran his hands up the sides of her body before stopping to rest on her breasts. "Aren't you?"
Sakura made a soft moaning noise. Sasuke's face was blurry above her, and all she wanted was him to stop moving. To stroke her hair and baby her for a little while.
"Kiss me again," Sakura pouted. "Please."
Sasuke put his face close, but suddenly a wave of nausea hit her full force. She retched.
"Fuck." Sasuke pulled away as soon as she began to dry heave. "Christ, don't do this to me Sakura."
She felt him lightly slapping her cheek, but it was too late. She heaved again, vomiting over the side of the bed.
"Fuck's sake."
Sakura blinked slowly, dumbly, and gasped for a fresh breath of air. Beside her, Sasuke was muttering under his breath.
"What am I going to do with you?"
"Sasuke-kun…" She whined sickly. The room was spinning, and she grasped for him to hold on to.
Suddenly she felt him shifting her – dragging her body so that her head hung slightly off the bed. She tried to lift it, tried to kiss him, but Sasuke pushed her face to the side.
Then, her panties.
"Your breath, Sakura…" he muttered against her throat. Sluggishly, she nodded.
"Sorry."
"You'd better not puke."
He spit on his fingers first, but then when that wasn't enough – directly on her. Vaguely she could hear him laughing, and though she didn't understand, she struggled to force a smile. When he pushed forward it was like the wind was knocked out of her. The room was spinning again, and the burning between her thighs made her nauseous.
Sakura could hear him grunting, feel the bed moving, feel her body bouncing limply against him, but no pleasure. Was this how it was supposed to be, she wondered. She fixed her gaze on the ceiling in an attempt to quell the nausea, but the relief was short lived when Sasuke flipped her onto her stomach. She could feel him fumbling with something, and then the burning of him trying to force himself inside again.
"Stop. Not there," she tried to push up, but his weight felt impossible to shift.
"You said you'd do anything, didn't you?" He nipped her ear with his teeth and Sakura cried out into the comforter.
In the morning, she'd expected to find it all a weird fever dream. Instead, she found herself lying alone on stained sheets, her body heavy and sore. Her breasts were covered with marks that looked more like wounds than love bites, and her hair reeked of vomit. The wastebasket near the bed was stuffed with soiled towels, and thankfully, the remains of a condom.
There was a little blood too, but she wasn't sure from where. On her phone, a message from Sasuke left at 6am.
Wild night, right? Be careful on the way home.
She lay there for an hour more, until reception buzzed her to let her know the money had run out. Then, Sakura cleared the flowers and the wine bottles, rinsed the sick from the towels, and put herself back together the best way she knew how.
/
"So, she wouldn't let you come back? Really?" Mebuki looked at Sakura sadly as they sat together on the front porch.
A few yards away, Sarada lay out on the grass in a swimsuit, soaking up the sun. The sprinklers ticked nearby, splashing her intermittently.
"It's okay, actually," Sakura perked up. "Ino said she'd let me work at the Yamanaka store."
"The flower shop?" Mebuki raised her brows. Though she smiled, Sakura could see the disappointment in it. Suddenly she felt like a little girl again, meek under a gaze of disapproval.
"I know it's not medicine, but…" Sakura searched her mother's gaze, hopefully. "I mean eventually I'll of course try and see if I can clock hours somewhere else—
"Sakura it's fine. You'll get back into it eventually." Mebuki reached out to pat her back, but Sakura shifted away. She remembered Ino's speech to her in the kitchen, and how easy it was to fall into the routine of trying to please her mother at her own expense.
"What if I don't want to?" she blurted.
"What?"
"I mean, what if I'm not passionate about it anymore? What if it's not what I want to do with my life?"
Her mother stared out at the yard, expression unreadable. After a moment, she sighed. "What kind of time do you think you have, Sakura? All that study and schooling…in your position you should try and put it to use."
"In my position?" Sakura scoffed. "You mean my age, right? Because I'm too old to find a husband who'd put up with me and my child."
They both watched Sarada flop over onto her stomach, closer to the sprinkler. She grinned as the water splashed into her face, oblivious to the emotions raging on the porch.
"Sakura what the hell do you want me to say?" Mebuki fought to keep her voice down. "Of course I want you to take care of yourself. The reality is, you have a child and she depends on you. You should be trying to excel, not taking the easy way out."
"Easy way out?" Sakura balled her hands into fists. "Really rich coming from you."
"What?" Mebuki stared at her. Sakura's heart thudded hard in her chest. Once again, words that sounded good in her head were harsh in reality, and she couldn't take the look of pain in her mother's eyes.
"I didn't mean-
"Hey mom, isn't that your friend?" Sarada's voice cut into the argument. Sakura looked up to see her daughter smiling brightly, gesturing towards a figure coming up the drive.
Sakura turned her head she was relieved to see a familiar shock of blonde hair.
"Naruto!" She dusted off her hands and threw herself off the porch, into his arms.
"Nice hair, Sakura-chan!" He hugged her strongly before waving towards her mother.
"Hey Miss Haruno!" he grinned.
Sakura watched as Mebuki seemingly still in shock, dusted off her apron and forced a smile.
"Hi Naruto." She bowed. "I'll just leave you two kids to catch up."
She gave neither of them any time to respond before taking off back into the house.
"Everything ok?" Naruto looked from Sakura to the empty porch with a frown.
"Oh yeah, totally." Sakura lied. Sarada, who had been lazily stretched on the grass moments before, was now pressed up against her side. She stared at Naruto in awe.
"I remember you," she said. "You were from fancy Gaara's house party."
"That's me! Uncle Naruto!" Naruto crouched to Sarada's height and gave her hair a ruffle. "I'm the fancy one, you know. Not Gaara."
"Did you know my mom in school too?" she asked. The question came out of nowhere, and Sakura's whole body tensed. Naruto buried both hands in his pockets as he thought up a neutral response.
"Yep, that's right, I did!" he grinned. "High school and college days!"
Sarada's smile turned quickly into a suspicious frown. "Mom doesn't talk about anyone from Tokyo. Dad either."
"Ah…" Naruto rubbed at the back of his neck. "Life was chaotic then."
"What does that mean?"
"Sarada stop being nosy and go wash your hands." Sakura steered her pouting daughter towards the house. "Grandma's making lunch for you."
As soon as she sulked off inside, Naruto sighed in relief.
"That face," he chuckled. "Fucking terrifying – just like Sasuke-kun."
"Oh stop." Sakura elbowed him and took a seat on a dry patch of grass. Naruto plopped down on his back beside her, away from the sprinkler.
When she was sure Sarada was completely out of sight, she turned back to her friend. "So, why'd you come by?"
"Nothing, really." Naruto folded his arms underneath the back of his head. "We didn't really get to talk last night. Just came to check up on you."
"Everyone checking up on me all of a sudden…" Sakura chuckled. "It's like I'm on suicide watch."
"Aw Sakura-chan, don't say shit like that!" Naruto balked, shooting up into a sitting position.
"Sorry." Sakura shrugged. "I'm just not used to all the attention."
"It's only because we like you so much." Naruto grabbed hold of her ankle and gave it a playful tug before stretching out again. "And speaking of people who like you so much…"
Sakura braced herself for the inevitable.
"You and Gaara…"
"Oh Jesus, I knew it." Sakura smacked him in the shoulder. "Despite what Ino might have spread in any group chats… we didn't go home together. So don't ask!"
Naruto burst into a fit of laughter, and Sakura couldn't help but find it infectious. Even after all the time they'd spent apart, he was still the same goofball she remembered from school. Ino mentioned he was a school principal, but looking at him then, writhing in the grass, she couldn't imagine kids taking him seriously.
"Come on, you can't blame us for being curious!" Naruto flipped over onto his stomach so that he faced her. "You two have always had a weird thing, haven't you?"
Sakura started to pick at the grass. "What do you mean?"
"Like I mean…if I hadn't known better, I would have thought you were sleeping with him on the side."
"That's not true!" she threw a fistful of grass in Naruto's face.
"I mean, I know it's not. At least not while I was at home," he snorted. "But you wanted to, right?"
Sakura shrugged. She'd finally reached a limit with all the mystery. What was the use in denying it, ten years later? For all she knew, Gaara had told Naruto the whole embarrassing story.
"He was nice and I was looking for someone to save me." Sakura pulled her knees to her chest as she remembered the sloppy way she'd come on to him the night before. "It was nice to imagine something else sometimes."
"And now?" Naruto pressed.
"Let's just say…only one of us has grown up," Sakura smiled bitterly. Naruto sat up beside her and leaned his weight into her shoulder.
"He's hard on himself, too, you know. Just like you."
"Well it paid off for him. He has everything."
"I don't know about that." Naruto murmured. "He's really hard to pin down most days."
"Hard to pin down?" Sakura frowned. "What does that mean?"
"I just think you have a lot in common," Naruto gestured with his head towards the house. "Duty, you know."
Sakura could feel shame creeping hot up the back of her neck.
"I know what that's like," he said after a while. "I thought I had a duty to Sasuke, but it should have been to you. To keep you safe."
"You were his best friend."
"When it was convenient," he corrected. "And let's be real – that guy had no idea how to make or keep friends."
"It's not his fault." Sakura sighed as she pushed the hair out of her face with both hands. "The way he grew up…" She felt angry just thinking about it. "People don't understand."
"Look, I get it." Naruto waved her off. "I wanted to fix him too. That's why I…"
He hesitated and though Sakura knew what he wanted to say, was still afraid to hear him say it.
"I used you," he admitted. "I thought being with you would change him, and I let a lot of shit go with the way he treated you because of it."
"I was a big girl," she tried to put on a carefree smile, but when Naruto didn't return it, she squeezed his hand. "We're both idiots, aren't we?"
"Maybe," Naruto chuckled. "Probably." He stood suddenly and dusted off the seat of his pants.
"It's something about love, I think. Makes you do dumb shit."
"Like?" Sakura squinted up at him through a gap in her fingers.
"Like think you're better off alone. Like push people away."
Sakura regarded him sceptically, but when Naruto extended his hand towards her, she grasped it as firmly as she could.
/
Gaara struggled to concentrate on his meeting with Rasa. Shijima sat on his right at the long table, looking focused usual, but under the table ran the smooth patent leather of her heel up and down his leg.
Gaara assumed she was reliving their night together, but all he could think about was the pink haired woman who he still, after ten years, hadn't figured out how to properly talk to. She'd sent a simple text message and somehow it had him malfunctioning.
"…assess the business portfolio and explore new partnerships. I imagine it'll be good for us. Your thoughts, Gaara?"
"Hm?" Gaara snapped back into focus at the sound of Rasa's voice. Shijima's foot stopped moving.
"I'm sorry, are we boring you?" Rasa raised a brow. Save for his greying hair, the older man was almost a carbon copy of Gaara, even down to the tired circles under his eyes. For Gaara, it was like looking into a terrifying mirror.
"I actually hadn't had time to brief Gaara on the new business opportunity with Uchiha-san," Shijima jumped in. "It's my fault, sir. But we're planning to—"
"Uchiha?" Gaara came crashing back to reality. "Sasuke Uchiha?"
"You didn't read the memo?" Rasa frowned, unimpressed. "He's looking for our advice in exploring new markets. Taking the family bank global, starting with Shanghai. This is the perfect opportunity to showcase our strength in international markets."
"Really?" Gaara scoffed. "We're not seriously entertaining doing business with The Uchiha Banking Company, are we?"
While Shijima looked visibly disturbed, Rasa ignored the uncharacteristic defiance. "You'll be corresponding through one of the senior partners there until he can make it down from Hokkaido next week. What's your problem?"
"He's just…" Gaara tented his hands on the table, trying to think of an excuse. "Perhaps our firm should be more thoughtful when taking into account ethical impact of our business dealings."
"We're a consultancy firm." Rasa narrowed his eyes at him. "Did you say the same when you and Shijima were over in Dubai partnering with Bain?"
Gaara glared at the table. He could feel a shameful blush creeping into his cheeks, and immediately wanted to escape. What was he doing?
"I don't have time for idealistic ramblings," Rasa continued. "Especially from someone who just managed to eke his way into partnership."
"Dad—
"Excuse me?"
A silence fell in the room, and Gaara could feel Shijima's gaze on him, gawking. It had been a while since he'd felt the terror, but some days there was something about the sound of his father's voice that turned him into a ten-year-old boy.
"Rasa," he corrected himself, but then found that he had lost the rest of his words.
Shijima stood suddenly and gathered her things. "Sir…we have another meeting in 15. Perhaps we could go over the deck?"
Gaara knew it was her attempt to displace the tension, but Rasa kept his gaze on his son.
"No. I'll catch up with you later," he said without looking back. Shijima mouthed a 'sorry' to Gaara before slipping out the door.
"For God's sake." Rasa rose from his seat. "You don't do that at work. You embarrass yourself and you embarrass me."
"Yes sir," Gaara replied. With just the two of them in the small room, he felt tense. In an attempt to put them on the same level, he stood.
"I looked into his background. You two went to the same university, didn't you? Same finance degree?"
"We did," Gaara muttered. "But…"
"There's no buts." Rasa stalked over to him, frowning. "If you had a poor relationship with him then, I don't want to know. This is your job, not a social network."
He raised his hand and the sudden movement made Gaara flinch. Startled, he backed up into a coffee cart, knocking a set of napkins and sugar packets over the floor.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Rasa snapped, passing his fingers through his hair.
One movement and Gaara felt like a child all over again. Even at work, even after years of distance and disentanglement, the subtle threat of violence left him frozen. On cue, the boardroom door swung open. Yukata stood in the doorway with an armful of folders. For a moment, she observed the tense scene, then jumped into action.
"Ah, Gaara-sama! What a mess - must not have stacked those correctly." She rushed forward. Gaara was grateful when she shifted easily between him and Rasa, crouching to collect the spilled items.
Rasa backed out of the way.
"I gave you part ownership of the company because I saw potential in you." He ignored Yukata as she pushed the cart aside. "You haven't disappointed me yet, so don't start now."
Gaara nodded and watched tensely as Rasa stormed out.
"Everything okay?" Yukata asked when the door slammed shut.
"Yes." Gaara didn't look at her. "Thanks for getting that."
"You might consider taking some vacation days," Yukata said once she'd put everything back in place. "You don't seem quite like yourself."
Something in Gaara burned at the comment. Innocent enough, but still touching on something he was growing increasingly frustrated with. Naruto, his sister, his brother, his father – what did they truly know about him anyway?
"Right. Well I think we're done here," he snapped. Pale-faced, Yukata bowed and hurried out of the room.
Gaara knew he should have felt ashamed of his terse reaction, but instead all he wanted was to escape. Angrily, he pulled out his phone and scrolled through the sea of business messages until finding the one number he really wanted to see.
To Sakura: I need to talk to you. Can we meet today?
He expected a bit of time to calm himself, but Sakura's response came back right away.
Sakura: Of course. Late lunch?
Gaara tensed in a mild sort of panic. He could think of a few upscale brasseries that might take quick bookings, but it had been so long he had no idea what she enjoyed anymore.
Another message.
Sakura: Do you still eat meat?
He stared at it dumbly before sending a thumbs up emoji.
Sakura: Have 2 run errand first. Meet here 1:30?
She shared the location of a Korean BBQ restaurant in Shibuya and Gaara sent another childish thumbs up.
He could only thank God she was still a stickler for organisation.
/
Gaara arrived at the restaurant first, as usual, and almost didn't recognise Sakura when she entered. The bubblegum pink hair should have been a dead giveaway, but the short cut was new. Wavy, just above her shoulders, with just a little pushed behind her ears. He'd been a fan of the ponytail the night before, but this was even better.
"Hey." She smiled, but it was cautious. "I'm glad you wanted to meet up."
Gaara stared hard. Up close she looked so much younger and lighter; it was like looking at her 10 years ago.
Chuckling, Sakura gave the ends of her hair a playful flick. "Yeah, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing. What do you think?"
When Gaara didn't say anything, she twisted a wavy lock around her finger. "What? Is it weird?"
"It suits you." He tried to keep the comment as neutral as possible but was pleased when Sakura beamed back at him.
For a moment, it was as if everything was normal between them. He pulled out her chair, she sat, and soon a waiter came to lay out a colourful array of meats and vegetables on the grill.
"Hope you don't mind the choice. Had a craving." Sakura smiled and he zeroed in on her lips, shiny with pink gloss.
Suddenly he could hear her voice in his ear, teasing.
Do anything you want to me.
"Should we have drinks?" Gaara asked, suddenly hungry for anything alcoholic. He usually wasn't one for day drinking but meeting up with Sakura again was doing strange things to his head.
"I should probably stick to water," she said, blushing. "After last night I…Well, I clearly still don't know how to hold my liquor. I hope your girlfriend wasn't too upset."
Gaara noted the Sakura's sheepish smile and the way her eyes darted to the side, then the grill, then her chopsticks – anything to keep from looking at him head on. Strangely enough, it relaxed him to see that she, too, was anxious.
"My…" He paused to think about the end of her statement. "Shijima isn't— Shijima is my colleague."
It wasn't a lie, exactly, but for a reason he couldn't explain, the last thing he wanted was for Sakura to somehow sniff out that he'd slept with her.
"Ah huh." Sakura nodded slowly. "Well, your colleague is a total knockout."
"She's really very talented." Gaara tried, but when Sakura focused her attention back on the sizzling grill, cleared his throat.
"Rasa hired her," he added quickly.
Sakura raised her brows high. "You work for your father?"
"It's not bad, really," Gaara rolled his eyes as he lied. "He makes sure I'm taken care of."
She chuckled and again, Gaara felt a bit of the stiff armour of the day being chinked away. Ironically, of all the friends he had, Sakura was probably the most aware of the harsh relationship between he and Rasa. After years of duty, it was nice not to worry about keeping up appearances.
"Oh really?" she huffed. "Well he'd ought to, based on how hard you seem to work."
"Yes, well, what else is there to do in life?" Gaara smiled and used the tongs to turn over a few pieces of mushrooms on the grill.
"Oh I dunno, anything?!" Sakura laughed. It was a shrill sound in the near-empty restaurant, but infectious enough to nudge a another smile out of Gaara.
"Hang out with Naruto and the guys…fuck your colleague-slash-girlfriend?" she teased.
As Sakura chattered on, Gaara carefully monitored the grill and began to share out the larger strips of steak onto her plate.
He remembered now. She'd told him once about her love for Korean BBQ, and how when her father was alive, they'd go together every Friday. Sasuke, however, would never take her. He said all the meat and rice would just make her put on weight. Gaara suspected it wasn't about the weight, really, but rather the power of being able to deny her something that made her feel good.
"I'm often busy," Gaara said, easily. "And I told you she's not my girlfriend."
Sakura furrowed her brows as she filled a bowl to the brim with rice. "So you're really still single?"
"What do you mean by really?" Gaara feigned offense. "It's by choice."
He picked up a piece of mushroom to slide onto his plate, but Sakura snatched it out at the last minute and popped it into her mouth.
"Probably for the best," she said as she chewed. "You've always been annoying."
"I'm not the one getting divorced," he joked without thinking, and there was a silence before Sakura snorted with laughter.
Gaara felt relieved, glad to have their banter back. Sakura seemed in a much better mood than the previous times he'd seen her, and it made all the difference.
"You're a massive dick," she smiled, wryly. "Any of your women ever tell you that?"
"Well… something along those lines," Gaara smirked and watched with pleasure as Sakura's cheeks flooded with colour.
"Oh shut up. There's no way any woman would put up with you."
"You'd be surprised what women will put up with for -" he stopped himself short. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"
Gaara put his tongs down. He was sure he'd crossed a line. There was banter and dark humour, but then there was…that.
"No, it's fine." Sakura forced a smile. "You know better than anyone, I guess."
"I'm happy that chapter of your life is over, Sakura," Gaara said. "You should be proud of yourself for making a fresh start."
"I guess." She shrugged, but then pulled her shoulders back. "I mean… I know, but at the same time part of me is sad he hasn't come looking. As scary as that might be, I feel like it would mean something, you know?"
Gaara thought of his meeting with Rasa and stiffened up again. How could he have a conversation like this with her, knowing that Sasuke was, indeed, planning to come to Tokyo? His gut feeling told him the business talk was nothing but a farce. All Sasuke ever concerned himself with was ruining Sakura's plans.
"But it's for the best," she continued when Gaara was quiet. "Maybe it means if I sign the papers, he won't contest anything. That we can just decide about Sarada and move on from each other."
"I hope so," Gaara said, and when she smiled, cautious again, his chest felt tight. What would he gain by telling her? Wouldn't she just panic? Wouldn't it make her want to run away again?
He felt scared again, the way he had in his office with Rasa. The way he hadn't felt in years.
Sakura had only just come back into their lives. If he was smart, he could do things properly this time around and protect her from Sasuke. If he ended the business partnership on his own, she wouldn't have to worry. She wouldn't have to leave.
"Sorry, I don't mean to be so miserable every time we see each other." Sakura put her chopsticks down and waved over a waiter.
"We'll have two pints of Asahi and two shots of vodka." She ordered cheerfully and then filled her mouth with rice.
"Vodka?" he raised a brow.
"Ino says I should let loose," she mumbled through a mouthful. If it were anyone else, he might have found the behaviour distressing, but there was something childish and sweet about watching Sakura indulge.
"She's probably right," Gaara said, gaze fixed on a grain of rice glued to her bottom lip. "You're only young once."
"Don't talk like such a grandpa!" Sakura laughed. "I'm the one at peak Christmas cake status. Men are the ones who get to become mature and distinguished."
"You don't really believe in that, do you?" He watched her lick the rice away.
Sakura gave a half-hearted shrug. "It's just weird thinking about starting over. Raising Sarada alone won't be anything new, but like dating and all that? Sasuke's the only guy I've ever…" She stopped.
Gaara looked up from his food to see blush creeping into her cheeks again. This time, when their eyes met, she dropped her gaze to the grill. He felt her foot begin to bob nervously under the table, rubbing inadvertently against the inside of his thigh.
The waiter came with their drinks and as soon as he put the glasses down, Sakura took her shot.
"You have plenty of time for that sort of thing," Gaara said as he watched her chase it with a sip of beer. "You deserve someone who will be gentle with you."
"Gentle?" Sakura's voice softened and Gaara could see she was mulling over something in her head. He watched her bite her lower lip, just barely, just enough to seem suggestive.
"If that's how you want it," he added, and Sakura's nervous foot twitching intensified.
Though Gaara prided himself on being blunt with everyone, this was different. This was dangerous territory, and he could feel himself wading deeper by the second.
"I do want it," she said, but then seemed to check herself. "That, I mean. Eventually."
They ate in silence for a little while longer, Sakura's foot bouncing incessantly. Gaara tried to shift himself for sanity's sake, but the table was too small to allow his long legs any sort of breathing space.
"Why did you invite me for lunch?" Sakura finally asked. "You said you needed to talk to me about something."
Gaara bought himself time with a sip of beer. He was being overindulgent with her again. It was just like at the welcome home party, and during breakfast at his apartment, and in the privacy of his room ten years ago.
He was supposed to be warning her about Sasuke, but instead he was flirting with someone he knew he shouldn't have.
"Gaara?"
"I wanted to apologise." He cleared his throat to hide the waver in his voice. "I think I said some things to you last night that were…unfair."
"Oh right. Like that you were terrified of me?" Sakura smirked.
"I'm not the best with words. You know that. I just…"
"Gaara it's fine," she chuckled. "I did always used to pick on you. I get it if-"
"That's not what I meant." He cut her short. "I…think you know that's not what I meant."
Sakura's foot slowed against his thigh, and for a moment, Gaara wondered whether she knew exactly what she was doing.
"Then what did you mean?" She seemed tentative, but the knowing flush was back on her cheeks. Combined with the heat from the grill, the hair framing her face was slightly damp, and her skin dewy.
Gaara picked up his full shot glass and then tipped the vodka down the back of his throat.
"I find you…very attractive, Sakura," he said.
He didn't know what possessed him, whether it was the vodka or the heat or the start of the coded sex talk, but it was out, and he couldn't take it back.
"But?" Sakura pressed. Gaara was surprised by the almost casual reaction, but when she started to bob her foot again, Gaara reached down and caught her ankle in his hand.
"But I'm not looking for anything serious," he finished. "I don't want to lead you to think I'm capable of that."
It wasn't the full story, but for Gaara it was close enough. Sakura nodded to herself, and he struggled to read her reaction.
"Is it that you think I couldn't handle you?" Sakura's lips twitched up into a slight smirk.
"What?"
"You were the virgin when we met, remember?"
This time, Gaara flushed red. "Sakura I—
"You shouldn't assume things about me," she said, using her tongs to push around a bit of mushroom on the grill. "With Sarada and going through the divorce and everything… if anything, casual would be best."
"Right." He nodded dumbly. "Casual."
"And if I did…that sort of thing… I'd want it to be with someone I trust." She looked him dead in the eye and Gaara felt his mouth go dry.
"That sort of thing," he repeated, still holding on to her ankle. He splayed his hand out against her calf and allowed himself to feel the warmth of her skin against his. "What sort of thing?"
"The kind of thing that should probably be saved for dessert, not lunch." She pulled her foot away with a smirk. When the gentle pressure was gone, Gaara looked down at his lap and pulled a napkin from the table to cover the rise in his trousers.
"Everything okay?" Sakura gave a teasing smile.
"Yes." Gaara cleared his throat and then checked his watch. He needed to head back to the office before Rasa literally killed him.
"Work calling?"
"Sorry." He shifted in the booth and made what he hoped was a subtle adjustment underneath the table.
"No, it's okay. I'm full." Sakura put her own napkin down.
Against Sakura's insistence that they split the bill, Gaara paid for the lunch. He didn't quite know what to say, but once outside, Sakura smiled up at him again, this time looking bashful.
"Look, I know what you think of me," she said. "That I'm really sad and annoying and I'll just bring drama like last time—
"I don't think that." Gaara shook his head. "I never thought that."
"I don't want anything from you. I promise." She smoothed her hands over the lapels of his jacket. "Not anything but… dessert."
This time when Sakura pressed close, Gaara let himself feel the entirety of her. Her tummy, her waist, her breasts against his chest. She looped her arms around his neck, and he was taken by her scent – fresh linen and sweat and something sweet. What would it be like to taste her? He wondered. To be inside her? What would it be like for him to do something he wanted, for once?
'Fuck it,' he thought. 'No strings attached – what could it hurt?'
"I'm not good with sweets." Gaara murmured the words just below her ear. "But I could make an exception for you."
Sakura's breath hitched, and Gaara could feel her pulse racing under his touch.
His phone buzzed in his pocket and though he didn't want to let her go, the draw of duty was too strong. Gaara unwound her arms from his neck and pulled back to skim through his messages. There were several from Shijima and Rasa, along with a missed call from Temari.
"Place falling apart without you?" Sakura teased.
"Something like that." He leaned in and pushed a bit of hair behind her ear with his fingertips. "I'll call you. Soon."
Sakura nodded. Her own hands trembled slightly with adrenaline, and she pressed up slightly on her tiptoes to close the gap and kiss him. For a moment it seemed as though he might indulge, but at the last second, Gaara turned his face to the side.
"I'll call you," he repeated and squeezed her hand.
"Yeah, sure." she murmured, and let Gaara back off. Without any of the delay she expected, he turned and walked off towards the station.
Seconds later, Sakura's phone buzzed in her pocket. She expected maybe a text from Ino or her mother, but as soon as she saw the message, however, her stomach dropped.
Sasuke: Fine u win. Let's do the therapy thing. Let's be a family again.
AN: WHAT COULD GO WRONGGGg?
