AN: It's been a long time coming! It was a rough time for me in 2020 and this chapter was so hard for me to write for some reason (maybe that's why it's so crazy long), but here's hoping you enjoy it. Thanks to everyone for your reviews. It's really wonderful :-)
CW: NSFW-ish at the end of the chapter.
Chapter 10: Kakegori
Mebuki and Kizashi were textbook romantics.
Corny, warm-hearted idealists.
When Sakura was young, she didn't quite get it, but knew deep down she wanted a love just like theirs. Someone who would play with her hair while watching TV and sneak slow, deep kisses when they thought the kids weren't looking.
They didn't act like other parents. There weren't shouting matches or squabbles over housework. Instead, they went dancing, did date nights, and devoted their time to spoiling her.
When she was older, after her father died, Sakura decided she didn't want to be the kind of girl who waited for someone to save her. She would study and push herself and become the kind of woman who could support herself and her mother completely. But the moment her head hit the pillow at night, sweet princes and knights in shining armour filled her dreams. There, men would see her and love her and know that she was something special. There, she would feel complete.
It was wishful thinking that she and Sasuke would ever fit together. He was sensibility and order and had all the sharp edges that bruised her. He tried – in the beginning, he tried – but Sakura spent her days in front of the television alone and forgot what it felt like to truly be kissed.
It didn't matter what she told herself, or how hard she tried to fight it. In the end, Sakura was a romantic too.
Things weren't the same after the night of the dance.
Final summer at university came in like a lion and the warmth that used to mean running through sprinklers and lazing around in the garden with her parents suddenly meant final exams and the oppressive reality of adulthood.
Sakura couldn't sleep. She developed nervous eating habits and gained more weight in one summer than throughout her entire puberty. At first, she thought it was stress – things changing, her misstep with Gaara, her relationship with Sasuke. It wasn't until the second month late that pregnancy even crossed her mind. She didn't want to believe it, but after three different tests with the same result, it felt like her life was over. Like the earth was swallowing her whole.
As usual, she barely had time to process her own thoughts before Sasuke had an answer. She came home from a shadowing shift at the hospital to find him sitting at the dining table, all three of the pregnancy tests lined up in front of him. If nothing, the man had a flair for the dramatic.
"When were you going to tell me?" Sasuke leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms against his chest.
He sounded so calm; it was eerie. Sakura didn't know whether to come up with a lie or just brace herself for the worst.
"You went through my trash?" She tried deflection but knew immediately that it wasn't the right plan of attack.
"Oh, don't turn this around on me. You've been acting like a lunatic lately. At first, I thought you must be seeing that redheaded loser again, but now…"
Sakura flinched at the reference to Gaara. Sasuke had all but banned her from the apartment, but part of her wondered if it was a blessing in disguise. She didn't know how she could face him again after her drunken scene. Not when there were so many mixed up thoughts swirling around in her head.
"Is it even mine?" Sasuke picked up one of the tests and made a gesture to throw it at Sakura's head but was satisfied enough to see her flinch.
"Of course, it's yours!" she bit back. "And if you didn't always make such a big fucking deal about condoms I—
"Oh, so this is my fault?" Before she knew what was happening, Sasuke was up from his chair and had backed Sakura up against the front door. It clicked shut behind her and her whole body flinched. He hadn't even raised a hand, but in her head, she went over the possible routes for exit. If he hit her then, her only escape would be to dart for the bedroom or bathroom and barricade herself in.
'Exhausting.'
"I'm not saying that. I'm not." She put her hands up and then pressed them to his chest. "I only found out last week. There's still plenty of time for me to take care of it—"
"Take care of it?" Sasuke pushed her hands away. "This is our kid you're talking about."
There was a moment of silence, and then Sakura let out a chuckle in pure disbelief. She was surprised to see the pinkness rising in the apples of Sasuke's cheeks.
"You can't be serious. It's our final year. I have to study – I- I'm going to be working for Tsunade…keeping it isn't an option."
"Everything's always about you, isn't it?" he scoffed, but then wiped a hand over his face. "You know how I feel about family. This is important to me."
Sakura sighed out. Suddenly, the summer heat felt particularly oppressive. She was boiling hot in her scrubs, sweating desperately from heat and panic and fuck - she couldn't think.
"We'll get married," he tried.
Three little words. Sakura wouldn't ever tell anyone, but it was all she ever wanted. A life with him that felt complete. When she looked up, the knit in his brow had dissolved, and his gaze was warm. This was the Sasuke she loved – the Sasuke who let his sharp edges be dulled.
"We don't have to do this now." Sakura tried to lace her fingers through his, but Sasuke let his hand fall limp. "We can plan. We can try again later in a few years when everything's settled."
"This could be the best thing that's ever happened to us." He cupped her face in both hands. "We'll go to Hokkaido together and I'll work for the home branch. We won't ever have to think about Tokyo again. I'll get my full inheritance and you'll have anything you want. You and the baby."
Sakura's stomach churned. Hokkaido? Marriage? Baby? She knew he'd always wanted to leave Tokyo, but it was all coming too fast. Tears formed at the corner of her eyes, and Sasuke used his thumbs to wipe them away.
"We'll be a family together." He tucked her hair behind her ears. "I thought you wanted that."
Sakura cuddled into his chest. It was hard not to feel sorry for Sasuke. He didn't have anyone but her. How could she deny him a chance at a real family?
"I know it's been shit – I've been shit, but everything will be better when we're alone together." he murmured. "I'll take care of you."
When she nodded, Sasuke hugged her tightly and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head.
It was such a strong promise, but for the first time in her life, Sakura didn't believe it. Still, he kissed her, and it was like nothing they'd had together in a long time. Gentle. Warm. They staggered into bed together and made love, but when she closed her eyes, all she could see was bright red hair and the harsh lines of a shitty 'Love' tattoo.
Hours later, lying awake in the dark, panic set in. The sound of Sasuke's gentle snoring usually soothed her, but her thoughts raced. How could she leave her friends behind? Her mother behind? Him behind?
The more that Sakura thought about Gaara, the more out of control she felt. Sure, the scowling shell that housed him was tough, but there was no hiding the softness underneath. He might call her a "baby" or a "princess," but he was the one who saved her leftover curry and always happened to have a perfectly timed pot of camomile tea ready when she was too scared to go back to Sasuke's at night.
She could tell he tried to hide it, the way she did when she was young, but there was no denying that Gaara was a romantic too.
Sakura snuck out of bed, threw on the closest bits of clothing she could find, and made a break for the front door. Barely thinking, barely breathing, she ran half a mile barefoot to the block of student apartments she'd spent more time than at her own. To the door with the key under the mat that he always left for her – every night but that night.
Sweating and panting, she rang the doorbell once, twice, three times before he answered.
When the door finally opened, Sakura sighed out in relief. She'd forgotten how good it was to see him. The tattoo, the dark red hair, the slight scowl on his lips that faded whenever he spotted her. She grinned wide and fought the urge to throw her arms around his neck.
"Sakura?" Gaara clutched the doorframe with one hand His gaze scanned every inch of her, no doubt looking for evidence of something horrible. "What's wrong? What's going on?"
"Sasuke's leaving!" she spat out, and then before Gaara could process the words, the rest came tumbling behind. "I mean…he has to go to Hokkaido. For the business. He wants me to come too. Soon."
Gaara seemed shell-shocked. "Hokkaido?"
"I…" Sakura clutched her sweatshirt over her stomach. There wasn't a child yet – not really – there was still time to undo everything.
"I don't know if I want to go. I mean after what happened with us…"
Sakura searched Gaara's eyes for understanding, but just the mention of an 'us' seemed to prickle him. He looked down, and the only working light in the hall cast chilling shadows on his face.
"Can I come in?" she asked.
When Gaara didn't say anything, she tried to take a step forward, but he stayed wedged in the skinny space of the open door.
"It's not a good idea."
Something pinched in Sakura's chest. She was so hopped up on adrenaline, she hadn't prepared herself for the possibility of rejection. Suddenly, pain came back to her. Her lungs burned with the effort from sprinting and her feet, peppered with pebbles and other sidewalk debris, felt like two giant blisters.
"I know I haven't been around in a while…" She tried to smile, tried to be casual, but her hands trembled. "But Sasuke was… I mean I-"
"It's not a big deal." Gaara cut her short. "We'd been spending too much time with each other, anyway."
Sakura felt unbearably hot. Sweat slid down the side of her cheek and had her sweatshirt clinging to the small of her back. She was dizzy. His words didn't make sense and her head was spinning.
"What?" she panted.
"It's been nice to have some space," he said. "I'm sure it's been better for you and him, too."
"No. No, it's been terrible." She stared down at her bare feet. "I've been feeling different about things lately. Since we…"
"Since we what?"
Sakura jumped at the harshness in his tone. There was none of the dry humour or mildly flirtatious banter she was familiar with.
Tell me you want me, she wanted to say. Tell me you need me here with you.
"I can't stop thinking about you," she blurted, and for a split second, Gaara's expression softened. The seafoam green of his eyes brightened and the tension in his jaw relaxed. Sakura lifted her hand to touch it, but just as the softness came, it went.
"You need to leave." He started to close the door on her, but Sakura stuck both hands in the gap.
"Please! Just…I don't know what to do. I'm…" Tears sprung in her eyes, and though she hated herself for it, the urge to bawl persisted. "Tell me you don't want me to go. Tell me to stay and I will."
Gaara gripped the doorframe hard and Sakura could see his fingertips slowly turning white with the pressure.
"Go home and fix things with your boyfriend. You'll be fine. You're always fine, aren't you?"
"Gaara please—
Sakura grabbed onto his shirt and he pushed her back, holding her just outside the door.
"What the fuck do you want from me?" He snapped.
Just like that, Sakura felt herself breaking. Little pieces of herself chipping away under his gaze.
"This isn't you," she rasped. "What happened? Did someone…did Sasuke—
"You don't know anything about me," Gaara scoffed. "Jesus Christ look at you. Running to him, running to me… begging like a dog. Aren't you embarrassed?"
Sakura's feet burned. Her head hurt. And when he looked at her like that – like he absolutely hated her – she did feel embarrassed. What was she doing there, really? What was he supposed to give her? What did she want?
"I…" I'm scared, she wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come. Instead, her nose ran, and her pleas were choked by sobs.
"Don't come here again," Gaara snapped and slammed the door in her face.
"I think Naruto's taking money from Sasuke," Sakura blurted. She was in the middle of watering a monstera, and across the shop, Ino paused in preparing a box of white roses for delivery. It was quick, but Sakura spotted a flash of distress on her face. Ino didn't look up from the work.
"Why would you think that?"
"Well, when I dropped Sarada off at summer club Kakashi said this thing about Sasuke making yearly donations to the school. I didn't know anything about it."
There was a stretched silence, and Sakura turned to face Ino head on. "Isn't that bizarre?"
"Well…yeah. I guess." Ino snipped off the end of a rose stem before arranging it in the box. "But probably one of the nicest things that asshole ever did, huh?"
Sakura frowned. Usually, Ino was the last person to give Sasuke any credit for anything. She tightened her grip on the watering can.
"But why would Sasuke do that and not tell me?"
"I don't know."
"And why would he still be giving him money?"
"I don't know."
"And how could Naruto talk to him about it and never reach out to me? Or hell, why not even ask Gaara if he needed cash?"
Ino finally turned around. "I don't know."
Sakura slammed the watering can on the table.
"You seem really fucking chill about this for some reason. He acted completely surprised when I showed up. I never hear a word from him or the rest of you for ten years, but he's been taking my husband's money like candy?"
"I'm just trying not to be judgemental." Ino closed the lid over the box of flowers and then tied a red ribbon around its middle. "I know you're used to having a lot after being with Sasuke, but not everyone has that. Naruto has two little kids now. Maybe he was desperate. Maybe his relationship with Gaara isn't—
"You're kidding." Sakura slammed the pot on the table. "You know I didn't come from money. You know—
"Yeah, but you've always used his to your advantage, haven't you? You've always acted like—" Ino shook her head. "Look, I don't know. Just…"
Sakura's shoulders slumped and she could feel Ino ready to pivot.
"The way you left…we all thought things, you know," Ino said. "No one's perfect, Sakura. Not me, not you, no one."
"Of course not. I know that." Sakura frowned.
Was she overreacting? She wondered. Was it really no big deal that Naruto was taking money from Sasuke? Did she even have a right to be upset?
Naruto was Sasuke's friend first. They grew up together, and even if he pretended otherwise, Sasuke trusted him. She was the girlfriend, but Sasuke was family.
Later, when they both arrived at the school to pick the kids up, the first thing Sakura wanted to do was confront Naruto. But when caught sight of him waving at the school gates looking so happy to see them, Ino's words came back to her.
"I know you're used to having a lot after being with Sasuke, but not everyone has that."
"Everything okay?" Naruto asked, draping Boruto's backpack over one shoulder. The strap was a little frayed, and that Naruto's orange shirt was stretched and washed out.
"Yeah. Yeah." She smiled. "Just tired."
"Work life is different, huh?" he teased. "Don't worry Sakura-chan. It'll get easier."
Sakura nodded, then turned when she felt a warm little body bump up against her calf. Sarada extended both arms towards her for a hug.
"You have fun?" Sakura crouched down to hold her.
"So much fun! Gai-sensei taught us to do cartwheels and tuck and rolls and we played this game with Kakashi-sensei where we had to try and snatch these bells…"
Sakura nodded eagerly through the story, but the sound of Sarada's voice drowned out when she saw a familiar silhouette heading up the path.
Naruto cupped both hands over his mouth to shout. "Hey! Well look who it is!"
"Hey." Gaara raised his hand in a half wave, but his gaze travelled over Naruto's shoulder to catch Sakura's. Despite what had gone on between them the night before, he seemed just as he always did since her return to Tokyo – calm, thoughtful. The sight of his slight smile gave her goosebumps, but before he could approach, a little boy with a spiky ponytail loped into view.
"Uncle Gaara!" He cheered at first, but as soon as the other children turned, Sakura noted with a smile the way he slowed his steps and pushed his hands into his pockets.
"It's been a long time, hasn't it?" Gaara bent to hug him, and though he pretended to resist, the boy beamed when he was lifted high off the ground.
"You're so big now." Gaara gave an exaggerated groan. "What has my sister been feeding you?"
"You know mom doesn't cook." The little boy smirked and Gaara settled him back down on his feet.
Sakura had never seen Gaara with children before. He seemed looser. Softer. Ino nudged her in the back with her elbow.
"Makes your ovaries kick into overdrive, right?" she chuckled.
"Shut up."
"That's Shikadai." Sarada jumped in. "All the other kids can be such babies, but he's really smart."
"Be nice, Sarada." Sakura chided, but had to stifle a laugh as she watched Boruto and Inojin scuffling together in the grass. Ino rushed over to pull them apart.
"Well, if it isn't Temari's redheaded little brother of serious-faced youth!" Guy clapped Gaara on the shoulder. They locked gazes again, and she covered her mouth to keep from laughing at the pinched look he gave her.
"We're going to go up the road to see the fireworks." Naruto jumped in. "You're coming too, right?"
"I…" Gaara checked his watch and then looked down at Shikadai.
He wasn't saying anything, but Sakura knew the look on the little boy's face well enough. Like Sarada, he didn't seem like the type of child to whine or beg, but from the looks of it, he sure knew how to use a well-timed pout to his advantage.
"It would be great if you joined," Hinata added. She kept her voice low, careful of a sleeping Himawari swaddled against her chest in a cloth carrier. "We don't see you much these days."
Gaara turned to Sakura. "What do you think?"
Suddenly, everyone was staring, and she straightened up like a lightning rod. What was he doing, putting her on the spot? Sakura shifted her gaze to Shikadai to keep from going full tomato.
"Well…it's total bad luck if you don't go." She tried her best not to sound nearly as shaky as she felt. "Fireworks are the best thing about summer."
Gaara reached down and gave Shikadai's shoulders a squeeze. "Then we should definitely stay."
"Come on, children! Fast paced walk! Keep the fires of youth burning!" Guy called from up ahead. The kids rushed to follow him, but Ino, Hinata, Naruto, Gaara, and Sakura slowed to a leisurely pace.
"Jesus, he never gives it a rest," Ino chuckled. "Hope I've still got energy like that when I'm old."
"Oh, you wish. This from the woman who couldn't do the mile run in gym class without crying!" Sakura teased, and then dodged a playful slap from Ino. When she spun back around, she smacked straight into Gaara's chest. He placed both hands on her shoulders to steady her.
"Careful." He held her still for a moment - a second, maybe - but for Sakura it felt like ages. Her legs turned to like jelly and she was sure her ears were red, but Gaara's expression revealed nothing.
She didn't know what to do with herself anymore. How could he possibly act so normal? As if he hadn't seen the most embarrassing, intimate side of her? But the more Sakura thought about it, the more she wasn't sure it was difficult at all for him. Hadn't he always been skilled at pretending?
Gaara shifted back into place by her side, appropriate distance reinstated.
"Well, we can't all be Wonder Woman." Ino stuck out her tongue as she sauntered past them.
Sakura spent the rest of their walk listening to Naruto tell a longwinded story about his favourite ramen bar and then some good-natured bickering over their top five summer festival foods. By the time they'd reached, her cheeks hurt from laughing. She couldn't remember the last time she'd smiled and chatted so much. Gaara, on the other hand, was noticeably quiet. He kept his hands in his pockets beside her, observing mostly, cracking a smile here and there, but not adding much.
Gaara had never been a chatty person, but Sakura found she couldn't read him the way she used to. Years ago, his shell had been easier to crack. Now, it was perfectly crafted – hard walls of stoicism and restraint. Sharp edges to cover the fluff.
"Are you having fun?" she asked as the group slowed towards a row of food stalls lining the lantern-lit streets.
"Are you?"
Sakura rolled her eyes and delivered a light punch to his shoulder. "Don't be difficult. Just answer me."
"I am," he said after a moment. "I like to watch you enjoy yourself."
Sakura stopped in the middle of the street. It was a simple statement, no smirking or winking involved, but the way he said it – the slight pause and lowered tone –she couldn't help but feel there was something dirty behind it.
"So?" Gaara touched her elbow, bringing her back down to earth. "Are you?"
"Am I what?" she mumbled.
"Are you enjoying yourself?"
"I guess I am." Sakura distracted herself by watching one of the traders shave coloured ice into paper cones. "It's kind of like being back in grade school."
"What was that like?" he asked, and Sakura's sudden silence spoke volumes.
It was one of the few moments in her life when she didn't know the right answer to a question. There were so many things she hadn't told Gaara about growing up in Tokyo and hadn't wanted to think about since returning. She drew her attention behind him to where a little child was scooping fish out of a wooden pond with a net. Things are so much simpler when you're a kid, she thought.
"Good," she finally said. "I mean… I met Naruto here, and Tenten and Lee… it was great."
A couple with children came up beside them to order, and Gaara shifted over. His side pressed into hers and Sakura was surprised by how solid he felt. Teenage Gaara resembled a beanpole, but adult Gaara clearly knew his way around a gym. Her body certainly wasn't the same either. A cycle of green smoothie diets kept her thin but gone were the days of a tightly toned stomach and gravity-defying breasts. In their place a trail of stretchmarks and slightly sagging skin.
An image of Shijima popped in her head and suddenly everything made perfect sense. They were the very definition of a power couple.
"Where did you go to school?" Sakura asked, desperate to clear her thoughts of what Gaara's colleague-slash-not-girlfriend might look like in a bikini.
"A few places." He looked away from her. "I lived with my uncle for a few years in Okoyama before coming back."
"Okoyama? No way!" She smiled and tried to conjure up images of a tiny Gaara running through rice fields and teasing cows. He was so refined now – it was hard to picture him as a country kid. "You never told me that. Or about your uncle."
She was always cautious about asking him too much about his life. Gaara never offered much, and even though she was curious, that line was clearly drawn.
"I'm not a very sentimental person." He shrugged and then pointed towards the kakegori. "Would you like one?"
"Please?" Sakura grinned and pressed her hands together in mock prayer. "I'll have—
"Cherry, right?" Gaara finished, and something in her relaxed.
"You know me."
A group of sticky-faced children rushed past at close quarters, and Gaara placed his hand on the small of Sakura's back to guide her out of the way. She looked at him for an explanation, but he focused on the stall owner drizzling red syrup over her ice. Sakura wasn't familiar with this casual, confident Gaara. The way he touched her…it was as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
Ten years was a long time – how many other women had he touched like that? How many others had touched him in the same way? Sakura never felt inferior to Gaara before. She was the one who had suggested a casual arrangement in the first place, and yet there she was, acting like an awkward teenager. She'd always been so good at everything, but somehow not this.
Sakura looked over her shoulder in search of the others, but there were only strangers. Right on time, her phone buzzed in her pocket.
Ino: Gone 2 get yakisoba w the kids. u guys have fun. ;-)
"Should we catch up?" Gaara handed her the cone full of bright red ice.
"It'll be fine." Sakura focused on the frozen treat to keep from having to face him head on. "Unless…you'd rather be with the group?"
Gaara looked off into the distance.
"You're good enough company for now, I guess," he said. It was so deadpan, Sakura almost snapped back, but his smirk brought her back to reality.
"You're such a dick." She pouted and he gave her hip a quick pinch. Mr. Touchy again, Sakura thought, but certainly couldn't say she hated it. She turned around and strutted backwards, leading them away from the crowds.
"I know a good spot where we could watch the fireworks." She gave the top of her ice a long lick and was pleased to see Gaara's gaze follow her tongue.
'Men.'
They walked for a while in silence, Sakura leading with both of her hands tightly wrapped around the sticky paper cone. She added a little sway to her hips, cautious that Gaara might be watching her ass, but couldn't quite find the courage to turn and check.
As they progressed, the path steepened, the sky darkened, and she was glad to see the peak of the hill she remembered from childhood. After a few more feet there was a clearing, and a perfect view of the city skyline.
Sakura plopped down in the grass. "My mom and dad would always sneak me up here when we went to see these fireworks. Our secret spot."
It was wild and overgrown, but there was something relaxing about sinking down against the cool ground. When Gaara sat down beside her, it was pure instinct to shift close. There was a time when it was normal for them to sit hip to hip and chat, but that night, the feel of his bare arm against hers was particularly electric.
"It's a great view," he said, and Sakura felt his gaze on her as she stretched out on her back. It was dark enough to see the stars, and she trained her eyes on a particularly bright looking one moving overhead. Silently, she made a wish that Gaara might touch her again – the casual way he did at the stall – but he remained perfectly still.
"Where's Temari, by the way?" she asked once the silence became just a little too awkward.
"Work." He picked at the dry grass near her hip. His knuckles grazed the side of her calf each time he pulled chunks from the earth, and if he were any other man, she might have thought it was intentional.
"I'm a bit surprised she's the one working late instead of you."
"Yes, well…" There was a loud crack and Gaara shifted his gaze to the sky. A shower of pink and purple rained down somewhere far away. "It's this art client she does PR for. I manage his portfolio and trust me, he's a total…"
He paused to yawn, and the burst of another firework bathed them in light. Sakura took a moment to study him. Under the glow, the teal of his eyes was faded, and the dark circles under his eyes more pronounced. The tense, sour face she spent years loving and then resenting was so worn.
'If you were smart, you would still resent him,' a voice in her head whispered.
"God, you're so old now," she blurted.
"Excuse me?" Gaara cocked his head and Sakura drew her attention back to the dripping cone in her hands. She licked her fingertips and his gaze yo-yo'ed from her mouth to her eyes.
"Sorry! I just remember when you had such an adorable little baby face—
"Hey, take it easy. Women aren't the only ones who get sensitive about their age, you know…" Gaara sulked, but Sakura could see a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Did you say you thought it was adorable?"
Sakura scrambled up onto her knees and flicked him in the centre of his forehead. It left a sticky pink mark. "Don't go getting a big ego. I have notoriously bad taste in men, remember?"
Gaara rubbed at the sore spot between his eyes. "Well, they say even a broken clock is right twice a day."
They glanced at each other and burst into chuckles. Even his laugh was different, Sakura noticed. Warmer and more confident. It was strange, but things only smoothed between them when they were picking on each other. It wasn't exactly very sexy but helped to tug free the coil of tension in her tummy.
"Tell me something." She bit her lip before continuing. "What did you think of me back in school? What was I like to you?"
"Annoying."
"Hey!"
"Honestly." Gaara shrugged. "You were beautiful had all these friends and were at the top of your classes…and you were just nice. It seemed impossible that someone could be so…"
"So?"
"Annoying," he finished with a smug smile.
Sakura ignored the slight. She was still hung up on the word 'beautiful.' It shouldn't have surprised her, not after the night before, but Gaara wasn't the type to put those sorts of thoughts into words. Despite what he'd said before, it all sounded very sentimental.
"But like…you didn't think I was spoiled or anything, did you? Or out of touch?" she pushed.
Gaara hesitated.
"Are you okay?" he asked. "Did something happen?"
Sakura thought of Naruto and her conversation with Ino and the way things didn't feel quite right. But this – him – it always felt right. The last thing she wanted was to ruin that.
"No. Everything's fine." Sakura snuck her hand through the tall grass to cover Gaara's and was relieved when he laced his fingers through hers.
"You were right about the fireworks," he said. "It would have been bad luck if we missed them."
There was another shock of light and when Sakura looked over, the tips of his ears were blush pink. It was slight, but she was glad to see a hint of the bashfulness she remembered from university.
"Why is it that you're still not with anyone? Like really?" she asked. "Aren't you lonely?"
Gaara turned his face to her completely and raised his brows. It made his eyes look brighter.
"You don't really believe you can't be lonely if you're in a relationship, do you?"
Sakura couldn't look him in the eye. Leave it to Gaara to be annoyingly rational. And right. After all, there was hardly a moment with Sasuke in Hokkaido that she hadn't felt alone.
"It's best when you know your own limitations," he continued. "Not everyone is built for a white picket lifestyle."
White picket lifestyle. Sakura fixated on the words as he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. She knew he didn't mean it as a dig but couldn't help but feel embarrassed. After all, it was what she'd wanted for as long as she could remember. The apex of romance she'd never been able to ascend to.
It felt unfair. Gaara was the one who'd never cared about school. He was the one who never had dreams. He was the one who left her behind. And now he was the one who had everything.
And he didn't even care.
"I guess you're right," she murmured. She loosened her fingers in his grip, but Gaara tightened up.
He looked a little regretful, like he wanted to apologise, but instead widened his legs and pulled her towards him so that she was forced to sit up on her knees between them.
"What I'm trying to say is…there's other pleasure in life. Like… last night?"
There was another flash of light, but Sakura wasn't watching the sky anymore. She was too busy studying the face of a man who used to be a boy who rolled his eyes at even the slightest allusion to any kind of intimacy.
"The white picket…it falls apart eventually. It gets old and weathered and you can kill yourself trying to hold it together but…" Gaara walked his fingertips up her back. "Why do all that when you can just…"
"Just?"
"Fuck."
He said it so casually, but Sakura could barely look him in the eyes. She'd heard Gaara swear a million times before, but this was… different.
Her gaze dropped to his mouth, curved into a rare, playful smile. His lips would feel good on her, she thought. On her neck, her shoulders, between her thighs… She couldn't remember the last time Sasuke went down on her, but something told her Gaara might actually enjoy it.
"When did you become such a pervert?" She tried to keep her voice light, but the flush of her cheeks betrayed everything.
Gaara bowed his head slightly and chuckled. It was another beautiful smile and another degree of heat rising in her tummy. She pressed her thighs together to try and push back a rapidly building warmth she thought didn't exist for her anymore.
"Me?" He tugged her a little closer. "I seem to remember you being quite adventurous on camera for me last night."
Sakura gasped and he snuck a glance at her parted lips.
"You can't tell anyone about that!" She smacked his shoulder. "Not Naruto or your brother or Kiba or…"
Gaara lifted his head and craned his neck until their noses touched, stopping only when she could feel the warmth of his breath on her lips.
"I'm serious." She pouted. "I've never done something like that before."
"We should do more things like that then," he said, tapping their noses together again. "More things you've never done before."
Sakura's brain went blank and she remembered how gentle but commanding he'd been with her on the phone. She could still hear his voice, smooth like silk over the line.
"The next time we see each other, you'll take it in your mouth. On your knees."
The heat between her thighs became a burn.
"Sakura, you're dripping."
"What?"
Sakura followed Gaara's gaze to her hand, and the remains of the kakegori she'd unconsciously crushed. Red syrup covered her fingers and dripped steadily onto the top of his thigh.
"Shit!" She dropped the cone in the grass and made a move to wipe her hand on her dress, but Gaara stopped her halfway.
He lifted her hand to his mouth and before Sakura could process what was happening, he was running his tongue over her knuckles. Her wrist, her palm, back up until he reached her ring finger. There was a little indentation there from the band that hadn't quite gone away yet, and she watched it disappear into his mouth as he sucked. If she wasn't dripping before, she certainly was now.
"There." He lifted her hand and inspected it. "It's fine now."
Sakura's mouth dropped open and Gaara took it as an invitation. A few centimetres and he closed the distance between them completely. Unsure of what to do with her hands, she clenched them together over her heart, praying desperately that she tasted more like cherry syrup than the tuna mayo she had for lunch.
If there was one thing that hadn't changed about Gaara, it was his kiss. The warmth of his mouth and tongue evoked images of crowded festivals buzzing with life, cool sprinklers on warm skin, and the taste of perfectly ripe watermelon.
Intense. Hot. Sweet.
Quintessential summer.
Sakura wound her arms around Gaara's neck, and his hands, no longer shy, slid up her back and into her hair. After so long, she'd expected more fire, but he was slow and sure. Almost achingly so. She, on the other hand, was a frantic mess. Her heart raced, her skin flushed, and she arched her body into his until he was forced to squeeze her closer.
It had been so long. So, fucking long since she'd been treated – let alone felt – like a sexual being. The way he touched her and talked to her, like he wanted to be inside her, it was so unfamiliar and exciting.
Sakura could hear herself sighing and moaning and would have been embarrassed if not for his own satisfied hum. When they finally parted, Gaara's mouth was shiny with her lip gloss and his hands still wandered her body. Up and up, under her blouse, stroking and groping at soft, imperfect flesh.
Gaara whispered her name and suddenly, Sakura felt the sensation of falling.
'Oh, you gigantic fucking dummy.'
Sakura couldn't lie to herself. She always was a fool when it came to men. A little attention, a little touch; it was like magic.
"You've been smoking again." She scolded him to try and break the spell. "It's so gross."
"Sorry." Gaara sounded a little sheepish, but mostly unconcerned as he pressed light kisses along her jaw.
"Why don't you just give it up already?" She shifted languidly in his lap.
Gaara didn't answer right away, and she felt smug seeing the way his eyelids drooped and his breath shallowed.
"It's harder than you think," he mumbled and brushed a bit of hair away from her neck to give himself space for more kisses. This time breathier, with more tongue.
"Yeah, tell me about it…" She moved her hips in a slow circle and sighed out when he pushed up in response.
Gaara looked good underneath her. Relaxed, dishevelled, red. And when the friction seemed to hit just right, his hips jerked and his lips parted, and he made the most adorable little huffs for air.
He let his hands fall to his sides in the grass and leaned back to watch her take advantage. "You're really good at…that."
Fuelled by the praise, Sakura dared a hand over the hard planes of his abdomen and then down to the front of his slacks. It took only two tugs to free the tails of his shirt and find just enough space to touch bare skin. One snap to open the top button of his fly and earn herself another inch of room. She wasn't exactly sure what she was doing until she felt it – the tickle of soft hairs and burning hot skin. Their eyes met and Sakura stroked down - slow and smooth.
Gaara dug the pads of his fingertips into her hips with bruising force.
"Fuck. Okay, no – that's…we can't do this here." He folded forward at the waist to stop her from gripping him again. "You're going to make me…"
He swallowed audibly and turned his face up to the sky. Sakura could practically hear him counting to ten in his head.
"What?" she chuckled. "Ruin your pants?"
Gaara grabbed her around the waist and tipped them together until she was on her back in the grass. Sakura expected another series of hungry kisses, but instead he watched her. Just watched. Staring, as if trying to imprint every detail of her face to memory.
His hair was a little wild, bits of fluff and grass stuck to his shirt, and when he leaned in, the red fringe hung down and tickled her nose. There were more fireworks cracking off in the distance – she could tell by the glow on the side of his neck – but Sakura could only hear the blood pounding in her ears. She was certain then, that if he wanted to have her right there – in the scratchy grass with God knew what lurking in the shadows – there was absolutely no way she could say no.
"You deserve a bed," he said. "At the very least."
Sakura reached up and cupped his face in her hands.
"How about I come to yours later? After I take Sarada home?" she asked, then added, "I'm really curious about what kind of fancy-pants thread count you have."
There was a pause, but instead of laughing, Gaara slid his gaze away from her.
"How about we get a room somewhere instead?" he suggested.
Sakura tried her best not to look disappointed. So what if he didn't want her at his place? She wasn't his girlfriend. She could imagine several reasons it might be off limits, but none of them were any of her business, anyway.
She pushed back up into a sitting position and Gaara was forced to sit back on his heels, giving her space.
"Somewhere expensive, of course," he added, as if sensing her discomfort. "Anything you want."
"Anything? I don't come cheap."
Gaara smiled and his nervous breath softened. "I'm good for it."
Sakura nodded and looked off behind them. "We should get back," she said. "It's late."
She stood and made a half-hearted effort to smooth the wrinkles from her blouse. Gaara was more careful, adjusting himself in his slacks and ensuring everything was re-tucked and free from any traces of loose grass.
When they found the group again, Sarada was holding a sweating bag of goldfish and her lips were bright blue.
"There you are!" She pouted. Behind her, Ino stood smiling apologetically. Inojin looked bleary-eyed and had his face pressed into her leg.
"Sorry. She doesn't like being too far away from her mama, it seems."
"I was just worried about you," Sarada corrected. "I know you don't like being by yourself."
Sakura's gaze softened and she enveloped her daughter in a bear hug. "Thanks for checking up. Gaara kept me company."
"Did you guys go play games too?" Sarada wriggled free and handed her the bag to hold.
"Ah…" Sakura looked up and spotted Ino waggling her brows in the distance. "We just took a little walk." She turned the bag of fish over in her hands. "Had some kakegori."
"Me too. Blueberry." Sarada wound her arms around her neck and Sakura looked over her shoulder to see Gaara crouching to ruffle Shikadai's hair.
"It's been great to have Sarada get to know the other kids," Hinata said. "We have to do something like this again soon."
"Yes, definitely," Sakura agreed, but was cautious. Hinata was a smart woman. Did she know about Naruto and the money from Sasuke? Was that why she was being so nice?
"Yeah! Gaara, you in too?" Naruto piped up.
Gaara looked up from his phone and at that moment, Sakura felt hers vibrate in her back pocket. She snuck a glance.
Gaara: I'll book somewhere and let you know. We can meet there.
"I'll try," he said, but there was an air of dismissiveness about it that Sakura found strange. Her phone went off again in her hands.
Gaara: Wear something surprising.
Her lips quirked up at the edges.
Sakura: If you're lucky.
When she looked up again, the circle of friends and children around her had tightened up, but Gaara had positioned himself on the outside. He was glaring at a phone that was different from the one he'd held only moments earlier.
"We should go," he said, scooping Shikadai up into his arms.
"Us too!" Sakura blurted, perhaps a bit too loud.
Gaara shot her a sly look over his shoulder and she blushed.
Sakura was glad for Sarada's drowsiness – it made her pliant enough to carry back easily in the bike basket, even as she pedalled at top speed. The faster she got home to put Sarada to bed, the faster she could shower, shave, and sneak back out. She felt like a teenager again.
If I could just have this one thing…
She was glad to see the familiar sight of the front porch coming up quickly, and barley registered the screen pulled wide open, or the muffled sound of a man's voice spilling out from inside.
"…help her…she's vulnerable and..."
"…obviously came to get away from you…. can't just show up…!"
Bits and pieces of her mother's raging rebuttal drifted out into the front yard. As she came closer, Sakura spotted the open door and the glow of yellow light on the porch. There was the shadow of her mother holding an iron pan, and then a larger, leaner form backing up. Male.
"Mom!" Sakura cried out, startling Sarada. She started to climb out of the basket, but Sakura held her still. "Stay here. Don't you dare move."
"But—
"Is that her?"
Before Sakura could cross the threshold, Sasuke stepped into view. Clean cut, sharply edged, Sasuke.
"Sa…" he started, but her name died on his lips. For a moment they stood in silence, taking each other in. Sakura could feel her heart racing, but not with the terror she'd expected.
"I told him to leave." Mebuki rushed frantically to stand between them. "I told him I'd—
"Papa?" Sarada rounded the corner, blinking sleepily. After a second, something seemed to click, and she came running towards him. Sasuke wasted no time in scooping her up. As useless as he could be with her, Sakura never doubted his love for Sarada.
"You're here! Was this the plan? Are we all moving to Tokyo?" Sarada peppered him with questions.
Sasuke lowered her to the ground, and then stepped in close. For the first time in a long time, Sakura didn't flinch. He smelled woodsy and fresh and for once not like some other woman's perfume.
Her chest tightened.
"Sasuke."
"Sakura." He reached forward and tucked a bit of hair behind her ear. "You look good."
AN: The bitch is back! ;-)
I don't know why I love writing depressing stories, but drama and complexity fuels me. lol. I think it's clear that everyone's a bit messed up in this one, and I'm keen to explore more of the different ways people deal with expectations, guilt, and trauma. Always fun to take these characters and reimagine their struggles in the 'real world.'
But after this is done I think I'd like to write something short, sweet and fluffy for this couple!
