CHAPTER 17: INNOCENCE LOST


Grelod, you old crone. You'll get what you deserve. The Dark Brotherhood will see to that… Die, Grelod, die!'

Natsu's chest tightened as he listened to he muffled, repeated stabbing. Someone was upstairs, but was that the Aretino boy, or someone else? Could it truly be just a kid? Natsu didn't want to figure it out. Instead, he wanted to grab Lucy and leave.

Whenever the Dark Brotherhood was mentioned, it meant nothing good.

"Lucy", he whispered sharply to catch her attention. "I say we get the fuck outta here. Now."

"But -"

'Please… How long must I do this? I keep praying, Night Mother, why won't you answer me?'

The voice didn't belong to a grown-up man, but to an adolescent boy. The distant chanting turned into sobbing. Lucy's eyes filled with worry as she glanced at Natsu. Whoever it was, he walked on a dark path. His actions would only lead to ruin.

"He's desperate", she whispered, and Natsu's stomach twisted. He heard it too. The utter despair.

'I'm so tired… so very tired…'

Lucy bit her lower lip, brows pinching together as she tried to figure out what to do. "We have to check if he's okay", she decided

Natsu shook his head. It needed no checking to know the boy was far from okay. But was this really something they had to stick their heads into? Especially now when Lucy needed to stay away from unnecessary dangers. If the townspeople were talking about this, why didn't they intervene?

"This isn't any of our business, so let's just – "

"You can wait down here if you're scared, but I'm going", Lucy scoffed as she stepped into the stairs, the wood creaking under her feet. Natsu rolled his eyes and followed her. 'Nords are stubborn. So. Fucking. Stubborn', he thought, not daring to utter it out loud. 'And they said I have a thick skull.'

Natsu climbed up the stairs after Lucy, the voices becoming louder as they reached the upper floor. Nervous unsettlement boiled in Natsu's chest. He had promised to not lead her into trouble, but his power could only stretch so far. Lucy was determined to help the children of Windhelm, even if it meant risking her safety.

But wasn't that what heroes did? Selflessly helped those who needed it the most?

Lucy walked into the vacant living hall. A thick layer of dust covered the furniture, but the empty pots and clothes cluttering the floor showed someone had lived there recently. Faint candlelight came from the alcove, painting a shadowy figure on the wall. Slowly, Lucy sneaked closer and peeked behind the corner. Natsu stayed behind and held his breath as she spoke.

"Uhm… Hey, are you alright?"

A deadly silence fell to the house.

The sobbing and the stabbing stopped, and Natsu's mind filled with panicky regret. 'What if the kid gets hostile?' he thought, realising his mistake. 'Damn, why am I behind her? I should've checked this, not her.'

The shadow moved on the wall. Natsu stepped closer to Lucy and put his hand on the hilt of his dagger, ready to draw it out if needed. His heart jumped to his throat when a black-haired boy emerged from the alcove, wearing a wide smile.

"It worked! I knew you'd come, I just knew it!" the boy exclaimed and wiped the dust from his torn, red shirt. "I did the Black Sacrament, over and over, with the body and the… things. And then you came! Assassins from the Dark Brotherhood!"

Natsu and Lucy exchanged confused looks as the boy stared at them, his dark eyes lit in joy. His clothes hung loosely on his thin body as if he hadn't eaten anything in weeks. Judging from that, he couldn't be anyone else than Aventus Aretino. Kids who escaped from orphanages rarely knew how to cook for themselves. He looked around twelve, maybe thirteen years old.

As the kid showed no signs of hostility, Natsu let his eyes wander past the boy. In the alcove behind him were candles formed in a circle. They surrounded an effigy made from bones and flesh, arranged in the shape of a human. A dagger was struck in the centre of the horrific thing, with petals of nightshade strewn on the floor.

Natsu opened his mouth, struggling to get any words out. "We're not who you think we –"

"Yes, of course", Lucy interrupted his nervous mumbling. "The Black Sacrament..."

Blankly, the mage stared at Lucy, unable to believe what she had just said. Was she really going to pretend to be an assassin to make the boy stop that madness? The rumours of the Aretino boy trying to summon the Dark Brotherhood had been true, and they were spreading all over the city. Someone must've heard his frantic efforts, and the sooner he'd stop it, the better. It would make an end to the rumours, hopefully.

"It took so long, so very long… But now you're finally here, you can accept my contract!" Aventus declared, his tone confident and strong.

"Contract?" Lucy blinked and asked, causing Natsu to cringe. If she tried to pretend she was from the Brotherhood, she should try a little bit harder. Show some professionalism. 'By Sheogorath's beard, what are you doing?' he thought, but retreated to the back of the room. He wasn't sure if he could keep his mouth shut otherwise.

"My mother, she… she died, and I was sent to that horrible orphanage in Riften", Aventus responded gloomily, crossing his arms on his chest. "Honorhall. The headmistress is an evil, cruel woman. They call her Grelod the Kind. But she's not kind. She's terrible. To all of us. So I ran away and came home. Then I did the Sacrament, and now you're here! And you can kill Grelod the Kind!"

Natsu turned his back at them as he realised what was going on. He slammed his palm on his forehead, dragging his fingers down his face.

'No, no, no, Lucy, just –'

"Are you sure about this?" she questioned. "Murdering this woman?"

' – do not accept that.'

"I've never been more sure about anything in my entire life", Aventus assured. "Someone like Grelod doesn't deserve to live one more day. She's a monster!"

Lucy gave him a long look, then she nodded. "Okay, we'll… The Dark Brotherhood will see to it."

Natsu wanted to burst into laughter and tears at the same time. He couldn't believe Lucy had accepted the boy's plea, even if it had been a lie. She couldn't really mean to kill the headmistress, Natsu knew. If she had been thrown over by killing a bandit in self-defence, she couldn't bring herself to kill a leader of an orphanage. It just… had to be a sham. There was no other way.

"You just… Wait, and clean up… that mess. Grelod the Kind will meet her fate, eventually", Lucy affirmed, and the boy replied with an obedient nod. Then Natsu realised what Lucy intended. Aventus had called Grelod 'the old crone', which meant the elderly woman could meet her end by natural means, sooner or later.

In some sense, it was clever of her.

As the tension in the air released, Natsu dared to take a better look at the place. There were two small beds in the room, which he found strange. The boy probably had lived only with his mother, his father seemingly absent. That would explain why he'd been sent to the orphanage. Losing his only parent must've driven the poor boy insane. Insane enough to try to summon the Dark Brotherhood to help him out.

And it terrified Natsu how strongly he related to that.

"What happened to your mom, boy?" the mage asked, surprising himself by speaking. The question just came out of his mouth. The boy's eyes flitted to him, slightly widening before sorrow narrowed them again.

"She… she got sick last year when the snows came. She just… never got better", Aventus answered quietly. "One night she fell asleep and… never woke up."

Natsu felt a strike in his heart, in a wound he thought he'd hardened a long time ago. Unable to say anything, he simply nodded as a flood of suppressed emotions washed over him. First, the homeless girl brought back the time he wandered around Skyrim on his way to the College, and then this boy reminded him why he'd left in the first place.

Mom's death. The pain and sorrow mixed in relief of knowing she could finally rest. And just like it had been for Arentino, the aftermath had been almost worse than the actual loss.

When the mage zoned out to relive the night he had dug mom's grave with dad, Lucy tugged his sleeve and brought him back to the present moment. Natsu glanced at her quickly, meeting her brown eyes full of compassion so unfamiliar to him. As if she had read his thoughts, heard the story in his silence. Growing uncomfortable, he had to look away before he'd reveal too much.

"Please hurry. To be honest, I'm kind of lonely here", Aventus said, noticing they were about to take their leave. "As much as I hated getting sent to Honorhall, I really miss my friends there..."

"It's alright now", Lucy consoled and turned towards the stairway, prompting Natsu to follow her. "Everything will be taken care of."

Aventus waved at them as they disappeared to the stairs. Lucy waved back at him, but Natsu couldn't. The haunting echo of loss lingered in his chest, crawling up to his throat to strangle him. Part of him wanted to stay behind and talk with that boy like he'd talk to the younger version of himself.

He had also been thirteen and motherless.

Maybe he wouldn't say anything wise, for there was no wisdom in a loss that great. Only pain. But he wanted to warn that boy to turn away from that path before it would be too late. It wasn't good to be alone now. If Igneel hadn't caught him then, he would've fallen into someplace dark as well.

Lucy creaked the door open and checked the street was empty before stepping out. Natsu followed and closed the door behind him. The daylight burned his eyes again, and the fresh air failed to make him feel any better. And the way Lucy seemed unbothered about all of that, it just... it bugged him the wrong way. If Sofie's fate had made her emotional, why was she so calm now?

"What the fuck was that all about?" Natsu asked her while they walked down the street, anger in his tone covering his underlying sadness. "Pretending to be an assassin from the Dark Brotherhood? Really?"

Natsu tried to switch his focus from his past to the present, but it wasn't easy. Damn, it was so fucking far from easy. Even Lucy with her fair hair braided reminded him of mom. Her hair had always been braided, even when it became brittle and thin towards the end.

"Yes? The boy was tormented", Lucy responded and peered around again. With no-one there to hear them, she halted. "He had to be helped. Somehow. Couldn't you see how his eyes sparkled when we finally came?"

Natsu stopped next to her. His eyes narrowed as he lowered his voice. "Do you just… Do you know anything about the Brotherhood? What they could do to you if you mess with them?"

Lucy cocked her head, shrugging her right shoulder. "They're assassins? They'd... assassinate me, I guess?"

Natsu threw his back at the stone wall, slowly trickling down to the ground. He buried his face into his hands and let out a long, painful sigh. His headache crept back and the wound in his arm reminded him of its existence. The potions the court wizard had given him were wearing off, just as if he didn't feel miserable enough already.

"For fuck's sake", he mumbled into his palms.

"What?"

Natsu took a deep breath as he placed his hands on his knees and looked Lucy into the eyes. "You should be more cautious", he sighed, meaning it fully.

His brother had told him stories about the Dark Brotherhood. Natsu had been six when Zeref had left for the College, but he remembered him vividly, especially the things they did together. Once Zeref found a book called 'A Kiss, Sweet Mother'. It had contained the exact instructions of the Black Sacrament.

The Daedra weren't the only controversial thing Zeref was interested in.

'If you ever need to see someone dead, do this, and the Night Mother will answer your prayers', Zeref had said with a twisted grin while they had read the book. Natsu had been too young to understand it, but the description of the ritual was so grotesquely detailed he could still recall it years later. Aventus must have gotten his hands on the same book. There was no other way a kid would know how to do it.

There had been one moment in Natsu's life when he had actually considered doing it too, and he hadn't been much older than Aventus.

"Just calm down. We'll never have to hear about this again", Lucy assured full of naive faith. "All that matters is that at least he believes someone is going to… solve his problem. He had been doing that a long time, and no-one from the Brotherhood had talked to him. What if they don't even exist anymore?"

"They do. They do exist. And I wouldn't mess with them if I were you", Natsu warned, remembering rather well what the Companion had told him. "Damn, Erza has been away for an hour and look where we're at."

A playful grin appeared on Lucy's face. "You miss her?"

Ignoring the question, Natsu shook his head and continued. "She of all people wouldn't have let you go there."

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it anymore", Lucy retorted, her tone getting annoyed. "What's done is done. Let the poor boy rest and clear his thoughts."

Natsu didn't know how to answer that. He let the silence fall as he leaned against the wall, the snow beneath him chilling his legs. He wanted to bury his throbbing arm into the snow too, but couldn't risk infecting it again. Chewing his lower lip, he tried to keep away the resurfacing memories. But they just came, swarming around him like gnats in a summer night.

"You're making this bigger than it really is", Lucy said, making Natsu scoff. He covered his face with his hands again to shield his eyes from the sun, and to cover the tears he couldn't fight back anymore.

If there was a magic spell to make him forget everything that ever happened to him, he'd use it without a moment's doubt.

"It's… It's… just..." he stuttered into his palms, failing to make up an excuse. What could he say? His past wasn't kind of a subject he wanted to open to anyone. Even Igneel had known only a fracture of it, nothing more. Talking about it made him feel weak and small.

"You took it personally", she said silently, stepped next to him and leaned against the wall. Her gaze wandered above the snow-covered roofs. "You lost your mother at his age, and now it's all coming back to you, am I right?"

A cold wind brushed against them as silence fell again. As if Lucy had a sixth sense, she had read his mind and found the reason behind his sudden sulking. Natsu couldn't understand how she did that, but it made him embarrassed. Maybe he had told her too much, but then again, what would it matter?

Perhaps she did that to forget her own pain. While some curled into themselves, some turned into others. Lucy seemed to belong to the latter group, and she could be trusted. Lucy wasn't mocking him or anything. She sincerely wanted to listen and help.

He had thought the events of Helgen would've turned a new page in the story of his life, but it wasn't like that. Even a dragon couldn't burn away his past. It would always be there. And the longer he'd keep it all inside, the larger hole it would gnaw into his heart.

He didn't want to end up like his dad. Old, bitter and angry.

"You know, my dad said I'll end up in an orphanage", Natsu started quietly, placing his hands below his chin. He stared into the mountain tops shimmering in the distance, behind the city walls. "When I… ran from home. He said the guards would catch me and send me to Honorhall."

"But why? If your dad was still alive, why would've they taken you to Riften?" Lucy asked, but fell quiet for a moment. "You said you didn't leave in very good terms, so..."

Natsu had already told her how he left home, but never the details. It was the morning after they had buried mom. Natsu had stayed up all night thinking and planning, and packed up his things at dawn. And while eating breakfast Natsu had told his father he was going to leave to the College. He hadn't asked for permission. It had been a declaration. He was going, and that was final.

Father had stood up so fast that he threw the table down, the plates and mugs breaking as they fell to the floor.

"Yeah", Natsu chuckled dryly. "He pretty much denied I'm his son."

On that day, he knew his childhood had come to an end, the innocence of a child now lost.

Natsu felt Lucy's gaze on him as she whispered, "So he was that furious."

"To put it lightly, yes", Natsu admitted. "But I can understand it now. He was sick with rockjoint and would've needed help at home. He must have thought I'd take care of him until he'd die, and got mad when I selfishly left him alone."

Years back, it had bothered him a lot. Sometimes he wanted to go back and make up with his father, but after thinking about it for a while he realised they just wouldn't be able to reconcile. Father was hard-headed like a goat, and kept an iron grudge. He wouldn't forgive. And because he hadn't died yet, it meant he had survived just fine without anyone's help. A letter of inheritance would be the first and the last thing he would contact his outcast son with.

"But you did it to pursue your own path in life", Lucy reassured with a sympathetic smile. "I used to dream about running away, too."

Natsu answered the smile but hid it into his hands. "But you never did."

"I didn't dare. How old were you then? Thirteen? And nobody caught you?"

"Nobody gave a shit", he shrugged. "Like nobody gave a shit about that Sofie. Nobody cares about lonely kids running around until they're performing the Black fucking Sacrament. And not even then it seems."

In an ideal world, children wouldn't be orphaned or homeless, but not in reality. With the wars raging around, diseases spreading around the country, and the cold winters taking their toll, too many had to bid farewell to their families. People had grown used to it.

"How did you make it?" Lucy asked, turning to look at him. "To the College. It's a long way from Dragonbridge to Winterhold."

"It's a long story."

"Tell me about it? I'd like to know."

Natsu glanced at her, too confused to say anything. Did she really care, or did she just love good stories? His story would be far from good. Even he didn't like to revisit it too often. It always left him feeling like this. Like shit.

"Shouldn't we be like, getting to the stables already?" he asked.

"Oh shit, I almost forgot!" she cried, making Natsu smile shortly. He still found it strange when she spoke like that. She looked like a girl who didn't swear, but it seemed she was full of surprises. "Come on, get up and let's go. You can tell me on the way? It will get boring on the road."

Lucy lent a hand for him, helping him get up. Natsu took it and pulled himself on his feet, then let go and wiped the snow from his robes. He didn't know how much time had passed, but he was sure it was time to go. His mind filled with a different kind of dread, but he welcomed it with open arms. Anything was better than dwelling in his past sorrows.

"If I can speak from vomiting, then I might", Natsu said as they hurried through the city. Gladly they weren't far away from the main gates. Guards opened the heavy doors for them, allowing them to leave the city.

"Is there any potions for that?" Lucy asked as they stepped on the bridge leading to the other side of the river. It looked strange in daylight. They could see as far as into the Sea of Ghosts.

"I don't know", Natsu shrugged. "I haven't ever even heard anyone else getting sick on riding a carriage. Igneel laughed when I told about it for the first time. He didn't believe it until he saw me puking off the cart."

"Well, I haven't met anyone with pink hair either. Could it be connected?" Lucy wondered. "To the nightshade poisoning. Just because you came up alive doesn't mean it wouldn't have any other consequences than your hair."

"Never thought about it that way, but maybe..."

He could smell the stables when they reached the end of the bridge. Though horses weren't the reason behind Natsu's sickness, he always associated their smell to carriage rides, and it alone was enough to twist his stomach.

"Have you ever rode a horse? Does that make you sick?" Lucy asked.

Natsu lifted his shoulders. "Not too many times, but I can't remember feeling sick then", he answered. "But carriages, they're just... fucking worst. I'm sitting still but moving around and it makes no fucking sense."

It had started when Natsu had been little. As a poor farmer family, they could never travel far from home. Especially with a carriage. Natsu's first time in a cart had been when Zeref got ill. He had been feverish for a week and started having seizures, so his parents took him to Solitude to see a proper healer. Natsu had been too young to be left alone, so he came with them.

When the wagon had left the stables, Natsu felt his insides twisting into one miserable knot. He had shivered and vomited until they reached Solitude, making his mother a nervous wreck. She had thought Natsu had gotten ill too, and they didn't have enough money to get treatment for their both sons. But when the wagons stopped, his sickness disappeared to the thin air. Fortunately.

It would've been an easy choice for his parents to decide which one they would cure.

The healers in Solitude found out Zeref didn't have a deadly disease. Instead, he had ingested poisonous herbs during his alchemy research. He survived with the right antidotes, but the treatment cost a fortune. It took all of their little savings and more, but Zeref lived, and it was all that mattered to his parents. To let the prodigy live.

Even then Natsu had known that if it had been him, they would've let him die.

Lucy led him to the stables, where they met one of the Jarl's men. As inconspicuously as he could, he led the mages to a carriage. He gave them a bag containing warmer clothes, for sitting still without proper protection from the cold would be fatal in the worst case.

Reluctantly, Natsu climbed into the cart after Lucy. "I'm going to fucking die."

"You can't", Lucy playfully knocked her elbow to his side as she took a seat. "Because you can't show me the College if you do. I can hold your hair while you puke, but just don't die."

"Just knock me unconscious."

Lucy smiled at him when the cart started moving, and maybe he was just imagining it, but suddenly it didn't feel as bad as he remembered.

He would manage, for he knew would soon be back in a place he could call home.


A/N: Hi guys! Hope you liked this chapter. Even though this was quite a "filler chapter", it started something in this story which will be completed much later. Every "side quest" in this story will be woven into the main storyline. What do you think, will Lucy really kill Grelod the Kind? Or was she just playing around?

One of my favourite things about writing this AU is giving them different family backgrounds compared to the anime. Especially Natsu's dysfunctional family is hugely different from the original content, but it gives him more depth as a character. It's going to affect him a lot, especially later on in the story.

Even though I'm really hyped about this story and can't wait to write everything I've planned, I can't seem to update faster than once or twice a month. It's hard to find time for writing, and when I do get time, I'm too stressed out to focus on writing. My 5-month-old baby is struggling with pretty bad allergies, and all of this has been really draining on me. I hope we'll figure out a suitable diet for me and my baby soon so his allergic symptoms alleviate. But I'm proud of myself for being able to write this much, despite this situation.

I also got the outline for "book one" ready! It's going to have 50-70 chapters to finish, and probably 300k words or more. There's going to be a "second book" after this one is completed, so it's going to be a long ride.

Next up, they'll finally reach the College of Winterhold! I've a lot of new characters to introduce. Can't wait to bring the stripper - I mean Gray around!

And by the way, I also publish this story in AO3. There I've featured screenshots from Skyrim in the end of each chapter to give a vivid image of what's happening in the story. So if you want to see some locations they've visited so far, check it out there! I don't know how to add photos to the chapters here in :D
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