The very excited eldritch horror fairy lets the dice in her hand slowly roll off her hand, and clatter to the gray room's floor. It bounces for a brief moment, before finally settling on...
"5! Okay, that's a great start! Some action! Action! And more action! In a...kind of modern setting? Ah well, it'll be fine!"
The fairy giggles, literally vibrating at the inevitable violence...
~Generic Modern Adventure Jump (80s Action Movies)~
When I next came too, I realized 2 things.
First? I'm 4 again, I'm in a very old-time 1900s boy's room, and my name is Bruce here. Second, I have a very bare-bones game interface within my vision.
...Let's start with the game interface since one of the tabs has a red flashing exclamation mark and it's really annoying.
I try and reach out to click it, but when my tiny finger goes under it, I realize it really is practically plastered over my eyes.
Fucking hell, alright, let's try thinking...uh...Alert?
Nothing.
Notification?
Nada.
Message?
That did it. Suddenly, the tab expands and I am treated with a bare-bones text message-like screen, complete with bright pink message bubbles and a dulling of my entire vision besides the message screen. The message reads as thus,
"Hello! You're friendly omniversal entity Jumpchain here! You're probably very confused right now!"
Understatement of the next 10 decades plus.
"Well, don't worry! I'll give you a quick explanation! This game-like interface is a part of your body mod! Basically, you'll be using it to receive messages from me! Not only that but there's also a quests tab!"
Quests?
Suddenly, my screen shifts...and I'm greeted with a quest-like log full of question marks and grayed-out boxes.
Uh. Do I not have any quests right now? Hmm...should finish reading first. Back to the Message screen!
"Well, for right now, don't worry about that! Quests will only become active when the jump truly starts, so in this case, when you turn 16!"
Neat.
"These quests are important for your body mod, as they'll what let you buy stuff like higher strength, speed, the ability to read and speak any language, and more! Each jump you'll be able to earn 100 more EP...the currency for the body mod...to spend on such perks, in addition, you can turn CP into EP at the start of every jump! Which is what that drawback was for!"
Ah...so I'm not fucked then. Double neat.
"I'll tell you more after your final generic jump! For now, just do quests! You can earn 10 EP per jump for completing quests, maxing out at 100 overall! See you in about...100 years! Bye Bye~!"
Huh. 100 years? I start out at 4, going to 16 per jump, then staying a year after...that's about 13 years per jump...
Holy shit, I'm gonna be here for a while...
...And ultimately, none of it will really matter, huh.
I can take nothing from these jumps. Time here won't stop after I leave, in fact, I'm fairly certain these places will just stop existing after I leave since they're just tutorials for me...
I'll just use this time to get used to the whole growing-up thing again then. I can't get attached, just...coast along. And I'll be fine. I hope.
"Ohhhhh Brucey Woocey~! Where's my little boy~!"
Oh god. What was that!? Was that my...mother!?
That gets answered real fast when my door suddenly flies open and there stands a decently plump woman in a 1900s summer dress, she sees me, gets this widest grin, and rushes for me.
"My baaabbbyyyy~!"
Alright. I admit, this time, I screamed.
~000~
It didn't take me too long after that to figure out where exactly I was. Since I grew up from a rather adorable child to a giant of a man with rippling seemingly constantly greased muscles.
At 16. Mind you.
I decided from then on that when I get my body mod sheet, I'll be making myself slim but athletic, like a swimmer...seriously. I feel..big. In the wrong places. But somehow I'm not that slow, either. It's weird.
School in the 1900s...1974-1986 to be exact...was also weird. Stereotypical American bullies and thugs all around. And math. Without calculators, without technology. Or cheats, of any kind.
Well. I can confidently say I know my multiplication chart now...kinda.
Ah, and about those thugs and such? For some reason, I was the one that ended up beating them down.
What really tuned me into my life being an action movie though was everyone looking like they were Hollywood actors. Also, all the guys besides the nerdy ones looked like me. That and there's also that time I was basically forced to beat an entire gang over them kidnapping some girl. Cheerleader, I think.
I'd tell you all about it, but...they had Tommy Guns, and they somehow all missed all their shots. It was hilarious, and none of them could take a hit either. Even though I was just a big guy with no strength perks, they went down way too easily.
Your average action movie hero folks!
What I will tell you about is the Quests tab finally opening up to reveal...well...rather generic quests. Stuff like,
Beat 'x' amount of gang members.
Stop 'x' amount of drug trades.
Stop 'x' amount of robberies.
The bigger stuff was more at the bottom, which included stuff like,
Beat 'x' Gang Leader.
Destroy 'x' warehouse filled with 'x'.
Put 'x' in jail for 'x' amount of time.
And my personal favorite was the stuff at the bottom? Stuff like!
Destroy 'x' gang completely and entirely.
Like...damn. Now that's a quest. But there's only a couple like that. Truly, I don't have a problem with the quests...what I do have a problem with is the rewards...
Why the hell am I only getting like, .2 EP for beating up 50 gang members!? What kind of reward is that!?
Like, I get that I only get 10 per jump, and I only have a year, but! Still, this...I only get 3 EP for destroying a whole gang! Ridiculous!
Jumpchan probably scaled all the rewards down to match the time I'd be spending on each jump. Though that scaling doesn't really inspire motivation...
Well. It's not like I'll be doing anything different. Just...catching bad guys.
Ya know, I'm starting to think my age is screwing with the plot of this jump. I can't recall an action film set this far back that stars a high schooler fighting squads of gangsters wielding guns on the daily.
Also can't really tell what the plot of this jump is supposed to be...
Probably gang wars and criminal organizations plotting something stupid, it is an action film after all.
I'll uh...see you in the next jump. This is all pretty bog-standard stuff. Hopefully, the next one will be more...out there, maybe? And maybe with technology!?
~000~
The little eldritch fairy was pouting as she watched 'Bruce' take down another squad of classic American gangsters on a classic box television set. Truthfully, she expected...more?
Like, it's just your basic 80s action film! He's even started saying awful cheesy lines and looking at where he thinks the camera would be to give a smile! He's not taking this seriously at all!
Also, without cool powers, one shooting everyone with plain rippling muscle power is rather boring...
He also missed the camera multiple times! She wanted to see some pecks!
"Alright!" She suddenly flies up, summoning the dice to her hand, "Let's roll for the next one!"
Same as before, she lets the dice roll to the floor...
"2...?" She muttered, "Ah...okay, okay...interesting, huh? I can make this one interesting! Nyehehehe!" As she cackles, she slowly pulls out the next generic jump document from her chest...
~Generic Survival Jump (Post-Apocalypse)~
The last jump ended...well, good. I did manage to destroy an entire gang and get all 10 EP finally, just before it ended.
I may not need to go to the bathroom, but I do need nutrition and sleep...as it turns, even for an 80s action hero, it takes a really long time to beat up 50 guys, stop 25 drug trades, etc...
So then...here, my name is...Joseph? Okay. As I look around my room...
Ok. Wow. That is a lot of religious iconographies. Like. Damn. Specifically Christian, all in that church feel...am I in a church?
My room this time is pretty small, got Jesus staring at me from a painting on the ceiling, Mary watching my right...everything is pretty slick, clean, and simple. I don't really have much...
Ah! A window, let's see go see where I am...
As I step off my bed, I hear an audible soft metallic ringing sound as I put my foot down.
Okay. Interesting start...let's just focus on the window for now...
When I finally make it to the window – and use my nightstand to give me enough height to pull the blinds – I see...the Earth.
Like. The whole thing.
I'm in space. Looking across at the planet from a good distance away.
Woah.
But...why does the planet's surface look like Mars? Just...darker. And on fire?
Huh. Is this...the Sci-Fi jump?
Suddenly, I hear much louder metallic ringing noises getting closer before my door slides open.
"JOSEPH!"
Suddenly, I am – rather forcefully – pull off my nightstand away from the window, I am turned around, and made to look a woman...whom I believe is my mother, but...
She looks so pale, possibly sick? A little thin, too. But one thing's for sure, she looks absolutely livid.
"What did I tell you about looking at the accursed place! Now, come! It's time for confessions!"
As I am dragged away without another word, I can only really think one thing...
Huh.
~000~
So I finally got to use my rogue skill this jump! The last jump was more of a...punch everything jump. This time though, I needed to sneak around. I needed to find answers.
And, oh boy, I did. This is a post-apocalypse jump, no way around it. Let's start with the big stuff, alright?
The Bible was right. The Revelations came to pass. All the believers left as the 4 horsemen took to the Earth. Heaven and Hell's armies made the Earth a battleground overnight. Those that could flee to space, but most simply couldn't.
If you look out basically any window facing the planet, you can see a speck of light fighting a red worm-like...thing.
That's the Archangel Michael and Satan fighting to the death. They've been at it for over 75 years.
So, yeah. Very post-apocalypse. What's left of humanity is now clinging desperately to religion, literally praying to be saved from their fate, eternal damnation.
Apparently, Michael is supposed to win...but he sure is taking his sweet time. Wonder if he's like Highschool DxD's Michael?
In any case, other than that admittedly interesting backstory, there's nothing for me to do here.
I lack the crafting or mechanical ability to really change anything, and 3.5e cantrips really don't do anything here...
In fact, my possession of magic here will likely get me burned as a demon's spawn. So, I'm gonna keep that one under wraps. Didn't get to really use it last time either.
Once again, rippling muscles.
The Quests here are gonna be very...bog-standard survival, aren't they. The big ones are gonna include changing things here, improving everyone's lives...
And the big stuff is gonna be killing Satan myself. Or at least surviving against him, isn't it?
Yeah, I think I'm gonna coast along with this one too...
I will admit though! This one is definitely interesting! When I have more stuff, maybe I should come back to this jump later and do right by it? We'll see...
~000~
Jumpchan was, once again, disappointed.
She prepared a really interesting jump and everything! And now he's tolling it away, pretending to pray for hours on end and fixing nothing!
Well. It won't really matter since he'll leave a year into it officially...
Maybe she should have just sent him to Fallout instead.
Sighing, she decides she might as well prepare for the next one now, snapping her fingers, the dice appears and clatters to the floor.
"A 9...? That's the fantasy one, right? Somehow...I have a feeling I know exactly what he'll do...but, alright, I guess!" pouting to no one in particular, she prepares for the next jump...
~8 Jumps Later~
When I wake up this time, I feel...normal. Then I realize I'm laying on a cold hard floor, am just a vaguely human shape, and very quickly get up.
And that is when Jumpchan appears before me.
"Ah! There you are! So, have fun? Because I didn't! You meanie! You played it safe and-" She pauses to actually look at me, "Oh. You don't have a mouth." she slowly scans me down. "Or...anything."
I make a motion at her, trying to say 'No Shit!' but, being a tan slender man doesn't really help with that.
"Here! You can fill this out now!" she pulls a document from her cleavage and hands it to me.
Ah, my body mod! Finally!
Essential Body Modification Supplement
Alright, let's see here – it's an Essence Body Mod.
I give Jumpchan a look, something like, 'The Fuck'. Well, try too anyhow.
"Just...fill it out at the start, okay? I'll explain more when you have a face! And...everything else!"
Huh. How am I seeing without eyes right now...?
Best not to question it. Let's get this over with.
I quickly go through the [Basic Refinements] which is kinda like what the Generic First Jump gave me...well, besides the first two which let me customize my appearance.
When I was done, I was a guy at about 6 feet, with light olive skin, black hair with a rather fluffy boyish look, and royal blue eyes. I choose an athletic but sleek build. No rippling muscles, but I still got meat on these bones!
Once locked in, I once again can breathe...
Huh. Deja Vu, anyone?
"Ah! There you are! Feel good! Any kinks, bone protrusions, or...well...anything you didn't do?"
"I feel fine, actually...better than fine...wow..."
The fairy giggles before getting really close to my face, almost touching my nose, "Yep! That's because you went from average healthy human to peak healthy human!"
I grin, If it feels this amazing going from average to peak...what about 5 times peak? 10? More?
"Alright you, jeez! Excited aren't we...let's go over your Body Mod stuff really quick. Then warehouse! And then, I'll be sending you on your way too...where ever you wanna go next!" She floats away, waving a hand, she makes fairy dust cascade off her arm and form into a hard light screen.
Huh. PowerPoint Presentation time!
"So! This is an Essence Body Mod, which means you get to pick an Essence!"
The screen forms words, displaying the names of each essence.
There's; Warlord, Scholar, Mad Doctor, Crafter, Assassin, Archmage, Brute, Superior, Lich, Vampire, Shapeshifter, King, Beast, Dragon, Explorer, Healer, Elemental, and Druid.
Not a bad selection. All are broken...they are essences, after all. So really, I'm happy with getting instant access to any-
"Thing is, you need to buy all the relevant base level perks with EP first before you can pick an essence!"
Ah, and there goes my hopes and dreams. She must have noticed my glass-shattered expression since she quickly adds.
"Hey! Cheer up! You got 200 EP! That's enough for 4 perks since each costs 50! Besides, I figured you'd want to choose your stuff rather than me pick for you! If I did, you would have been locked in with my choice!"
Okay, that's better...
"Also! Once you do pick an essence! You get refunds on all your purchases as if they had been discounted with that essence! So, you'd get all your spent EP back if all you did was buy 50 EP perks before getting your essence!"
Nice, keep going...
"Besides! This way I could set you into Multi-Essence Mode! You'll have to take Body Mod drawbacks, but if you want to have more than one essence, you can eventually do it! Just gotta buy all the perks!"
Ah...okay, much better!
"Hmm, alright...not bad Jumpchan, not bad." I simply pat her head.
"Heeheehee! That's right! Praise me! I'm awesome like that!"
"Nah. You kinda sorta screwed me over. Just spent the past century being referred to by 10 different names, with 10 different body types..."
She, of course, pouts at that, "Hmph! Think about it like this! It let you test out different names and bodies since you can't remember your own!"
Hmm...she has a point.
Not gonna let her know that though, "Still annoying."
Now that made her pout so hard it turned to downright sadness.
Eh? What kind of Jumpchan do I have!?
Anyway, I'll let her pout this one out, on to figuring out my Body Mod!
First things first, all the perks and such I bought from GFJ are now a part of my Body Mod, which means a couple of things.
For one, I already have [Mental Resistance III], likely from my GFJ perks that made me immune to fear and trauma. It's discounted for all essences, but! At least it's something!
I also possess [Corruption Resistance], which most definitely came from [Screw The Devil]'s immunity to possession and influence. Nice.
The former was discounted for all, so I would have had to buy it eventually, but the latter was 100 EP, which doesn't really help in getting any essences faster.
Speaking of essences, what am I gonna pick?
Right now? I'm thinking either Warlord or King. Hmm...quite a few of their perks match, I could go for both...but I'd rather dip my toes in the magical essences as well.
Would also really like to try and not pile up those Body Mod drawbacks just to get a bunch of essences, so I'm going to limit myself to three...
I think for right now, I'll just pick the perks I want since they line up with a few of the essences I'm looking at.
For 100 EP, I grab [Mental Prowess II]. Lightning-fast mental calculations, infinite storage, perfect recall, and memory compartmentalization. Perfect, since I got a centuries' worth of memories in here, and it's tiring.
For a second, it got worse as I suddenly remembered everything from that century-plus.
I had to take a moment, push that century back and start compartmentalizing it first. Letting my memories of my life before the chain come to the forefront, I let them play at lightning speed throughout my head...over, and over again...
…
Finally. I feel like me again...
Alright. Where was I? Right. Body Mod Perks.
Next, I'll grab [Polyglot]. It doesn't make me a master instantly, but within an hour I can learn any language I experience. Could come in handy.
For my last 50 EP, I choose [Charismatic I]. It allows me to control my body language and presence so I get my message across perfectly and may hide any intent or emotions from mundane attempts to discern them.
It's quite simple, but where I think I may wanna go for my first 'official' jump it could be very helpful.
Lastly, I finally enter my name. It's a simple one from Greece that matches my appearance, and it probably best encapsulates me.
As I'm about to hand the document – all 57 pages of it, jeez – the thing suddenly flies out of my hand and into my chest.
Huh. That's what it feels like to take cosmic paper into your body.
Oddly pleasant.
The fairy perks up after the ordeal, "Ah? Finally done! Now! Can we talk about-"
"Actually." I hold up my hand, "Can I get my warehouse stuff settled first? Then take a nap...I got some...stuff to sleep on."
She tilts her head at this, "Are you okay...Dorian? Huh. That's the name you chose?"
I nod, "Yeah, it means a couple of things, one of which is 'From the Seas'. It's Greek."
For a second, I see her still, her eyes become unfocused...then she snaps back to attention.
"Isn't that just a way of saying 'Outsider' or 'Foreigner'?" I smile at that.
"Yeah, that's the point. Warehouse stuff please?" I hold my hand out, and hesitantly, she produces the document from her chest and hands it off.
I possess 180 Warehouse CP, I got 30 extra from one of my Universal Drawbacks.
I'll finish this quickly.
For utilities, I grab [Electricity], [Plumbing], [Heat/A.C.] and [Local Net] for 60 CP total.
For structures, [Shelving] is free, but the [Terminal], [Robots], [Housing], and [Workshop] cost another 60.
I nearly fall on my ass when a full-on house appears in front of me, Jumpchan disappearing only to reappear next to me to move out of the way.
Nice to say the house mirrors what I could afford with my trust found, so it's fairly decent, if standard, modern 2000s house.
Finishing up with miscellaneous stuff, I spend my last 60 CP on [Portal], [Food Supply], and [Return].
An interesting thing to note? My [Stasis Pod] option is completely grayed out. That's the option that lets me purchase companion slots, but due to my Universal Drawback, I simply can't. Makes sense.
I hand off the document to Jumpchan, who is still looking at me funny before I walk into the house.
The inside matches the exterior, it's fully furnished with all the modern amenities the trust fund could buy.
I get to the couch, and no further before I plop on down on it.
Within seconds, I am seeing darkness once again.
~000~
For the first time in a long time, I dreamed. And I remembered it.
I dreamed of every single world I had been to so far.
After the survival world, I was sent to a Fantasy world. There, I used my rogue skills and magical cantrips to take on a 'witch hunter' role of sorts; a magical thief. I never did get into a straight fight there, but damn if it wasn't profitable!
After that, I went to the Modern Occult world. I lived in a strange apartment, investigating the paranormal activity with the other tenants. I remember keeping the ghost girl in the hall company, high-fiving the hands coming from the walls, and the last day when the faceless men who claimed to be my father in that world told me goodbye.
Next was the Historic world, where I was practically a cowboy in a Western. I honestly preferred the 80s Action Hero shtick.
In a drastic change, my next world was the Science Fiction one. Based on cyberpunk, I, unfortunately, spent most of my time there as a corporate slave. I was so close to promotion there before I had to leave too!
Back to a modern setting, I was greeted with a Horror world, where all creepypasta was real. Herobrine haunted my hard drive in that one, and later on, when I turned 16 and the jump officially started, I was sent to Slenderman's forest as an intern journalist investigating missing people. No, it didn't make sense. Yes, I brought a gun. Did you know [Be Not Afraid] and [Screw The Devil] made it so good ol' slendy couldn't actually kill me? I broke the bitches knee with a crowbar before running. Good times.
In my Slice of Life world, I broke my own rule at the start. I became attached to the people there, the normal life I had, and the friends I had made. Just thinking about it feels like a knife through the heart. Whatever perk is letting me perfectly control my emotions and process trauma is working overtime to stop me from breaking down at the inevitable realization that I will never see them again.
In the Super Hero world, I was practically the sidekick to the guy who probably was the protagonist. It was at a super academy of sorts. From then on, I vowed to myself that I will never be in second place. The plot can break over my knee before I kowtow to anyone.
And lastly, the Military world I just came from? I had died.
…
Yeah. Musket round right to the back of the head. I had no control over the absolute agonizing pain that I went through before I [Try, Try Again]ed.
…
I didn't deserve a second chance. I'm a filthy cheater with perks that just let me experience all of that while hundreds and thousands died around me, and all I have to say for it? Besides a few vows and promises? I'm tired.
...I'm glad I got to experience all of it, though. That I got to live each of those lives. If I had just gone straight to the Pokemon world I would have still thought that this entire thing was a game.
And what with me literally being sponsored with cool powers to go to worlds of my choice to have fun and break stuff, I guess in a way it still is.
But it's also my life now. And I'm gonna live it well to deserve it.
Time to wake up.
~000~
When I did wake up, I was greeted by my body being covered in a small, albeit fluffy, pink sparkly blanket.
Jumpchan meanwhile was literally watching me sleep, her face nearly right against mine with swirling eyes staring at me. When I looked at her, it took her a moment before she finally jumped back.
"Finally! You know it's been like...three days, right? Since you fell asleep?"
Ah. Shit.
"Really?"
"Yes, really!"
"Well, better get breakfast then." And at that, I fling the blanket off me...only to find myself completely naked underneath. "Uh." I start, "Do I have any clothes?"
I caught Jumpchan staring for a moment., though she eventually began slowly, "No...though, I could just..." and with a wave of her hand, I had a pair of blue jeans on. That's it.
"Make em' shorts!"
She crosses her arms and pouts, but acquiesces anyways.
"Sweet." Now. Time to cook! Or, just...microwave bacon. That works.
"Hey..." Jumpchan began suddenly, but this time, she wasn't looking at me. "Are you...?" she kind of trails off there at the end.
"I'm good, nice to know that you care bout' little ol' me." And at that, she sputters.
"T-That's not what I was getting at you-!"
"Heh. Tsun-Fairy. Nice."
Not gonna lie, said that on reflex. She continued to sputter and started throwing full-on bricks at me as I ran all the way to the kitchen, chuckling like a mad man all the way.
Worth it!
~000~
After breakfast was done with okay bacon, I realized something.
"Say, Jumpchan?" She just hums at me. "Where are my cats from the [Creepy Cosmic Cats] Drawback?" It was weird. I have seen a single one here since I arrived...
Why the hell does Jumpchan look like white chalk now?
"A-Ah, well, y-you see..." She's actually shaking right now.
Huh. Alright. Remember that whole thing with the Body Mod? Time for some payback.
"Hmm...it's fine, I guess I'll just explore a little before I decide where to go for my first official jump." She sighs in relief, but I'm not done, "Ya know, check out the warehouse functions, like seeing how [Return]...maybe check out that one warehouse attachment I got."
And she's pale again, gotcha.
"Y-You know! You don't really have to, like, right now, r-right? Like! Aren't you still tired?" She starts following me as I walk to a hallway, separating what I'm pretty sure is my attachments from everything else.
At the end of the hallway is a door marked 'Return', but the first door in the hallway on the left is marked 'Jumper Fitness'. Yup. This is the one!
And I can hear...something, going on in there.
"Y-You really don't-!" She actually trying to pull me away from the door.
Cute.
I grab hold of the door handle and swing it open.
And I am met by, first, the shrill cries and shrieks of the eldritch fairy behind me.
Second? An absolute tidal wave of catastrophic proportions slams into the two of us.
Heh. Puns.
The cats wash into the halls, into the house, and I'm pretty sure some go flying out into the warehouse proper.
And I've gotta say, I was right on this one! These little guys, for the most part, look like cats! Like, your standard house cats!
Sure, you've got your forked tail cat, your big raccoon-tailed cat with sharp claws, a really really long cat that's somehow still able to walk on only four legs.
Seriously, it's the size of the hallway, how!?
There's this one cat that looks like one of those giant fluffy stuffed animals that go on beds.
And – uh. Why is the ground suddenly soft and fluffy?
I look down to see myself sitting in a space that could be described as...puddle cat?
"̶̨̔m̴̧͗ë̵̙ơ̴̪w̸̜̆."̵̢̀ the entire puddle echoes.
Hmm. Okay. [Be Not Afraid] for the win?
Meanwhile, Jumpchan is clinging to the ceiling like her own type of cat.
"Really getting into the spirit, huh?"
"S-SHUT UP! I don't understand h-how you humans live with those things!" When one looks at her, she tries he hardest to seemingly phase through the ceiling by vibrating at increasingly greater frequencies.
When that doesn't work, she settled for shrinking into her pixie form and ramming herself into my pocket.
Nice.
"Heehee...alright! Now that that's taking care of..." I pointedly ignore the glare being sent at me from my pocket as I stroll back to the living room, the cats are everywhere...but I don't really care. "I've been thinking, I know a couple of cantrips, but I don't know any real magic."
Jumpchan's glare turns into a slight gleeful smirk, even through her shivering.
"Know anywhere I could learn some real magic?"
~000~
:Author Notes:
Hello again!
Originally, I was gonna start the next jump by going through the doc here, but by the time I got to the end I found I was reaching my word limit.
Once again, this is meant to be an exercise in reigning in my way of tending to write way too much. If any of you catch me flying off the handle unnecessarily, please do tell.
Next chapter we finally start at some place quite...magical.
See ya next week.
