CHAPTER 18: HOME
Towards the end of their journey, time seemed to slow down.
As they passed through snowy forests, Lucy's mind grew more and more restless. Knowing she'd fulfill her biggest dream today felt so unreal. What if they wouldn't take her in? What if she wasn't talented enough to become an apprentice? But considering how fast her skills had increased, it wouldn't hopefully be the case.
She had heard there was a test for those willing to enter the College. One would have to cast a required spell, and failure meant denial of access. That stressed her the most, her magicka still depleted for overusing it yesterday. Would they take her in if she told them she was the Dragonborn? That she could prove, but should she if it had to stay as a secret?
Lucy had been waiting for this so long she feared it would all slip through her fingers.
As the road led them to a mountain's side, Lucy knew they were close. She placed her hands in her armpits as her fingers grew numb again. A pair of wool mittens weren't enough to keep her hands warm. The bench she sat on was padded with bear's thick pelt, which insulated her from the worst cold. However, as the sun's warming rays disappeared behind the mountains, she started to have a chill.
Wrapping tighter into her fur cloak, she struggled to get comfortable. After a long day of sitting still, her body ached for motion or being able to lay down and stretch. She almost hoped she could travel like Natsu, but once she'd seen him puking out his breakfast she envied him no more.
The mage curled up in a ball on the floor of the cart, covered under fur blankets. Lucy wasn't sure if he was asleep or not. He had grabbed the edge of the blanket, gripping it with white knuckles. Natsu had been okay for the first ten minutes, but then it had begun. His face had lost color as he tried not to throw up. And when the road made its first curve, he had stooped outside the cart and puked until there was nothing left in his stomach.
Since then he had lied at Lucy's feet without uttering a single word.
Beside her wonders and worries about joining the College, Lucy had been thinking about him and the Aretino boy. She had kept her emotions contained in the morning and she still did, even though the boy's fate disturbed her a lot. If it had a disheartening impact on her she couldn't imagine what Natsu must've been feeling. To him, it was much more personal.
Lucy looked at the mage again, smiling gently. Lucy had always been a person her friends had trusted with their problems, and she had done her best to help them. Listening to others had made her forget her own pain for a while. No matter how macabre the morning had been, she was glad it got him to talk to her. His words had been raw and quiet, smothered by years of suppressed pain.
Though all of her former friends were gone now, Lucy's desire to help wasn't. Natsu had saved her life and taught her magic, so hearing out things he evaded to tell was the least she could do.
She had hoped they could've continued their discussion while on the road, but silence was all she got. Lucy had wanted to hear about his adventures, people of the College, the teachers, about everything. What kind of lessons did they have? Where did the students live? How many books were in the library? Guess she had to find out herself, the mage's speech paralyzed by his sickness.
Lucy let her eyes rest on the dimming sky. The sunset painted it in shades of purple and red, the horizon melting into the Sea of Ghosts. Blinding white fields of snow separated them from the ocean steaming in the distance. Natsu had told that the snows usually came during this time of a year. When the other world bid farewell to the summer, it was already the end of autumn in Winterhold.
It was the end of Last Seed, and waters were already freezing. In Helgen that point would be months away. If it were this cold now, how cold would it be in the heart of winter? Would she ever get used to it, or would she long for the warmth she had in the south? But she was a Nord, made to survive through ice and snow. Of course she would get used to it.
At least she wanted to believe.
A faint shape of a building appeared through the mist far in the distance. It looked like it stood in the sea on a lone stone pedestal. Placed at the end of the road, at the end of the world, it couldn't be anything else than the silhouette of the College.
"Are were there soon?" Lucy asked from the mage. "I can see something on the horizon."
The mage opened his eyes, weakly raising his head and falling down before he could see.
"I don't know but I fucking hope we are."
"You hanging in there?"
"Yeah", he mumbled. "Like hanging in a rope."
Lucy chuckled, hoping he was exaggerating.
"It's not a long way to go", the carriage's driver hollered. He was an elder man but said he was the fastest rider in all of Tamriel. Lucy couldn't see any difference to any other rider, but maybe they all said that.
Lucy watched as the silhouette in the distance became clearer and sharper which every passing minute.
Soon.
By the time they arrived the sun had already set. The lights of the College pierced through the darkness, and Lucy's heart dropped as she saw the city. More exactly, it wasn't a city anymore. Once the capital of Skyrim, now only a ruin. Most of Winterhold had plunged into the sea, and destroyed buildings stood behind the few houses left unscathed by the disaster.
The carriage stopped next to the inn, and the driver got up to help Lucy from the cart. She took the old man's hand as she stepped out, her legs numb and tingling as blood returned to them.
"What's the matter with him?" the man asked, pointing at the mage who still hadn't got up. "Is he going back to Windhelm or what?"
"I'll handle it", Lucy replied smiling. "Natsu! Get your ass over here, now!"
"Can't a man die in peace? Goddammit."
"No corpses in my cart", the driver stated and climbed into the wagon. He tossed aside the blankets and grabbed the mage from his neck and belt. As if he was as light as a child, the man threw him out of the cart. A cloud of snow puffed in the air as he dropped to the ground next to Lucy.
"It was a good ride", the mage muttered ironically. "But it's even better now it's over."
Lucy chuckled, wondering if he could get up on his own. The mage groaned and pushed himself from the ground, wiping snow from his robes and stretching his back.
The driver climbed back to the cart, grabbed the bridles, and whipped them gently. Upon his command, the horse began trotting, turning the carriage around to leave back on the road they had come from. When they were out of Lucy's sight, she took a better look at their destination.
An inn stood on the right side of the street, a Jarl's longhouse on the opposite side. A few chickens roamed freely between the buildings, pecking grains among the snow-covered cobblestones. The place was so eerily silent Lucy thought they'd arrived in a ghost town. Only a single guard patrolled the street, making Lucy wonder who he was looking after? The chickens?
The guard noticed them, raising his glare from the chickens to the mage.
"Natsu?" the guard asked. Natsu turned towards the voice, revealing his pink hair under his hood, thus confirming the guard's guess. He had to be known around here. "So you've returned. Seems like I'll be busy again…"
Natsu grinned at him. "Good to be home."
"Just try not to set anything on fire, all right?"
Natsu didn't answer as he began walking down the street. Lucy followed him and nodded to the guard as they passed by him.
The books did the College no justice when Lucy finally saw it with her own eyes, the sight telling more than the thousands of words Lucy had read.
Gasping, Lucy stopped before a gate. It opened to a stone bridge that crossed a shaft, leading to the free-standing pillar made of rock and ice where the College was built on. Except that it hadn't been built there. The ground surrounding it had fallen into the sea during the Great Collapse a century ago.
"Come on", Natsu said, climbing up the stairs and stopping in the shelter of the gate. "The bridge can be a bit flimsy, so watch your step."
Lucy walked after him, feeling magic seeping from the rock as she placed her foot on it. She took a deep breath as she adored the eye-shaped pattern carved on the ground. She had seen it before in the robes of the mages from the College. How many mighty wizards had walked here, in the same place where Lucy now stood?
A brazier was built where the bridge made a turn, but instead of fire, magic fluttered there. Blue, circling magic enlightened the entrance, guiding Lucy forward. They climbed up, the bridge growing narrow and rumbled. Stones had fallen into the ocean far below, and glancing down made Lucy's stomach twist.
She grabbed the intact railing to feel more steady while Natsu just leaped past the broken parts like it was nothing. The fall had to be a hundred metres at least, and Lucy didn't want to take that fall.
Lucy sighed from relief when they reached the end of the bridge, arriving at the closed iron gates. She stopped by Natsu's side, staring at it in awe. The walls of the College towered high upon them, almost as if reaching the sky.
"Hey! Anyone still up? I lost my key!" Natsu shouted and banged his fist on the iron, making it clatter against its hinges.
Lucy lowered her gaze from the walls to the courtyard. Another magical brazier was located in the middle, giving light to the entire yard. A statue of Shalidor, the first Arch-Mage was erected behind it, but more than that, Lucy couldn't see yet.
She had thought the College would be crowded with mages, but it didn't seem to be the reality. Maybe most of them were already asleep? It would be smart to go to sleep early if the lessons started at cockcrow.
Then someone walked behind the iron gate.
"Oh, you", a man's voice asked, scoffing. "Wasn't expecting to see you around anymore."
Lucy's eyes caught a pale figure moving closer, and from Natsu's sour expression, Lucy deemed he knew the man.
"You were waiting for me? How sweet of you."
"Who's she?" the man asked, eyeing at Lucy while ignoring Natsu's ridicule. "Did Igneel get turned into a woman or did you finally get yourself a girl? Or did Igneel become your girl?"
Lucy's cheeks flushed, the warmth almost making her miss the sensitive subject the man had either accidentally or purposefully touched. She and Natsu were just becoming friends, and Lucy couldn't even imagine them ever being anything more.
But to be honest, Lucy couldn't see him ever being anything with anyone. The way he had turned down a woman in Fort Amol made it clear. Either he was too dense to get a hint or then he simply didn't have an interest in that kind of a thing. Maybe that inspired the jokes among his fellow mages.
Thanks to Natsu's grim expression, Lucy managed to turn her thoughts away.
"Shut up, man", Natsu spat out, managing to ignore the talk about Igneel. "She's Lucy. Now open this fucking gate."
After a second of silence, the man opened the gates. As the iron bars shifted aside, Lucy got a better look at him. His chest was bare instead of white robes as Lucy had first thought, only short pants covering his nakedness. His dark eyes glimmered behind his charcoal-black, spiky hair, glaring at Lucy.
"Why am I not surprised you're half-naked again?" Natsu scoffed, looking down at the man's muscular body. "Get dressed already, you damn creep."
The black-haired answered by lifting his shoulders. "I'm just training as always", he said, seeming relaxed despite his lack of clothing. Wasn't he getting cold? Lucy had a fur cloak around her and she was shivering.
"Training to freeze your balls off?"
Lucy pinched her brows as she wondered what was going on between those two. Natsu's tone was playfully hostile, one kind of Lucy hadn't heard before. As if a lot of bad blood had spilled in the past.
Lucy glanced at the man again, his bare body sturdy and tall. He had the features of a Nord, and suddenly she remembered one thing Natsu once said.
"There's a crazy Nord in the College who barely wears any clothes. His name is Gray, and he'd go into a snowstorm in his underwear."
Judging from that, he couldn't be anyone else than Gray.
As his head tilted towards the magelight roaming in the brazier, Lucy noticed his eyes weren't black, but gray. Was that how he got his name? "I wouldn't be judging other man's balls if I were you, you little fiery shit."
Lucy clenched her hands into fists inside her mittens. Natsu was about to retort, but Lucy interrupted him.
"Could you just stop, both of you?" She raised her voice. "Joining this College is my biggest dream, so if you want to argue about your manly parts go do it somewhere else."
Natsu turned away from Gray and whispered to Lucy, "Don't mind him, he's always like that." Loud enough for the man to hear.
Lucy rolled her eyes, sighing. There was nothing to praise about Natsu's behavior either, the two of them equally childish. Gray didn't bother to argue with him anymore.
"Anyway, if you want to join the College, Mirajane is talking with Makarov right now", Gray said as he walked away. "You should wait until they get their business over with."
"Actually, I have something to say to Makarov as well", Natsu answered with sharp bitterness in his tone, meeting Gray's quizzical stare. "Igneel's dead."
The words brought him into a halt, all annoyance vanishing from Gray's eyes. He mumbled an apology, but Natsu didn't stay to hear it. He grabbed Lucy from the sleeve of her robes and dragged her to the door behind Shalidor's statue. Lucy watched how Gray disappeared into the dark as Natsu's hand on her back pushed her indoors.
The sound of a heavy wooden door slamming shut echoed in the entry hall.
Lucy put back her hood, perfect awe freezing her body. Shivering becoming chills, she stared into the great, circular hall opening behind another iron gate.
"Sorry 'bout that", Natsu said behind her. "I can't stand being around that annoying pervert."
Lucy stayed silent. Suddenly she just forgot everything that had just happened, the astounding beauty of the College capturing her fully. The architecture itself was magical, every detail in the walls carefully thought out. She lost herself in the ornaments adorning the gate, not listening at all as Natsu continued his quibble.
"At least he had his pants on this time. Most often he doesn't. He might be wearing robes one second and the next he's butt naked. Don't know how he does it, or why… It creeps me out. Anyway, let's climb up to the Arch-Mage's quarters."
"So Mirajane is the master wizard?" Lucy asked, somehow recalling what Natsu had told earlier.
"Yes. She's all sweet and charming until you make her angry. She's a master of Alteration and can transform herself into a daedric demon. Hope you don't need to ever see that. Damn, she's like Erza when she's mad, except worse", Natsu said, suddenly seeming awkward. He had surely made her mad quite a few times. Natsu rubbed his neck, noticing Lucy was still staring into the hall. "Anyway, here's the Hall of the Elements. It's where most of our lessons are kept. Sometimes we train in the courtyard or and sometimes we make expeditions into some ancient ruins, but almost always we are just here."
"It's so beautiful", Lucy answered quietly.
"I'm sure Mirajane will give you a proper tour later, but there's the Arcanaeum", Natsu told then, pointing to the door at their right. "It's the boring hall. All the books are here. Don't mess with the Librarian though. Levy is nice but very protective about her books."
Lucy nodded, hiding her chuckle. She had no doubt how Natsu had learned that. Instead of letting her see the library now, Natsu led her to the other door.
"Here are the Arch-Mage's quarters", he said and tested the iron knob. It wasn't locked. "We apprentices must not bother the Arch-Mage until it's absolutely necessary, but well, I think now it is. Deaths, they have to be reported directly to Makarov. And it seems Mirajane forgot to lock the door."
Natsu stepped into the dark stairway, Lucy following right behind him. They climbed up the stone steps and arrived at another door. Natsu knocked before entering, not waiting if anyone would open.
"Hey, it's me", he said, interrupting the quiet chatter. "It's important."
Lucy lingered in the staircase for a moment, hesitantly stepping into the lobby. She eyed at the walls lined with bookshelves, her gaze leading into the chamber ahead of them. In front of an indoor garden stood a very short, grey-bearded man talking to a beautiful, white-haired elven woman. Both of them had their eyes locked on Natsu, as if Lucy wasn't there at all.
"Natsu?" the Arch-Mage Makarov wondered, his elderly voice filled with confusion. He turned towards him, walking closer. His eyes narrowed as he leaned forward, taking support from his staff. "It is really you."
Natsu scratched the back of his head, nervously avoiding the man's examining gaze. "You're all acting like I'm supposed to be dead."
"It's because we received a letter from the Imperial Legion a week ago, saying you and Igneel will be executed in Helgen", the elven woman said, concern and worry showing through her. She had to be the Master Wizard, Mirajane. "They described what you did, and made it clear such destruction would no longer be tolerated, or the whole College would pay."
"But since you're here now, we assume something went wrong. You managed to escape?" Makarov asked. Natsu had an answer ready.
"Yeah, a dragon went wrong."
"So it's true then. The dragons have returned", Makarov sighed, his old eyes finding Lucy. She was still standing in the doorway, not daring to step in. "Igneel did not make it, then?"
Against Lucy's expectations, Natsu remained perfectly calm. Lucy knew he had feared this moment, but here he stood, bravely facing whatever reaction he would receive.
"He didn't."
The old man closed his eyes, falling silent for a moment. He had known the answer, but Lucy could see how his shoulders went stiff from the weight of an apprentice's death. How much the Arch-Mage took part in the student's lives, Lucy didn't know, but it was clear he didn't take the news easy.
"I always knew one of you would one day come back alone. Perhaps I was part right, part wrong", the Arch-Mage said then. "Who's this new face by your side? What business does she have?"
Lucy froze, not knowing what to say. She didn't want to break the gloomy atmosphere, feeling like dishonoring the dead if she'd speak – and disrespectful to the Arch-Mage if she wouldn't.
"I'm Lucy", she said then and cleared her throat. "I wish to join this College. I want to learn about magic and wield it as powerfully as my ancestors once did."
The surprise in the old man's eyes made Lucy doubt if she had said something wrong. Did she interrupt a custom of a sort? Had she been too hasty or inappropriate? Was she supposed to be invited into the College?
"You do?" Mirajane answered, stepping in as Makarov silenced. Lucy figured the Makarov wasn't the one to choose new apprentices. "Those wishing to enter must show some degree of talent with magic. Could you demonstrate your skills for us?"
Nervousness bubbling in her chest, Lucy bit her lip and took off her mittens. She put them on her belt, clenching her fingers, still numb from the cold. She felt Natsu's eyes on her, knowing he'd oppose it, but she didn't care.
"Can't we do this tomorrow?"Natsu asked, the question directed to her. "We've had a long journey, she'd surely do better after some rest. And we have to -"
"I can take the test now. What do you want me to cast?" Lucy said, trying to sound more confident than she was.
This was the moment she had been waiting for, and she wouldn't let it pass by.
"Excellent", Mirajane said, clasping her hands. "A standard spell for one skilled in Conjuration is Conjure Familiar. Do you know the spell?"
"Yes", Lucy said, relief filling her heart. "Wait a moment."
Lucy concentrated, trying to find magic from her tired blood. Collecting shards of her power into her palms, she prepared the gate, purple light swirling on her fingers. But the moment she tried to open the portal, it fell apart, the shimmers dying into the air. Lucy let out a frustrated sigh.
Just as she feared, she didn't have enough magicka.
"It's alright", Mirajane consoled. "You can try again later. You show great enthusiasm, and if you keep training, maybe you'll –"
"But I... But I..."
Natsu walked beside her, giving her a supportive pat on her shoulder. "Lucy's real good, she's just tired. She could, uhm, stay with me until she passes the test?" he said nervously. "What about getting some sleep first, Lucy? I'll show you my soul gem collection or something -"
Lucy shoved his hand away. "You can go sleep, but I won't until I've proved myself worthy of staying here."
"Lucy -"
She gathered her voice, raising her eyes from the floor into Mirajane. Desperation made her whole body tremble as the terror of not being accepted flooded over her. "Right now my magicka is depleted, but would you still grant entry to -"
"A descendant of Conjurer Anna?"
Makarov had sat down in his chair, everyone's heads turning at him when he spoke so suddenly. Air stuck in Lucy's throat.
"W-what?" she stuttered.
"There's no doubt of it. The looks, the wits... it's all like hers. Do you happen to have a relative named Anna, who was master at conjuration?"
Lucy blinked rapidly in disbelief. "Yes, my great-grandmother was Anna, and she was a conjurer. She'd... she'd be around 90 if she'd still live, but she died far before I was born. You knew her?"
"I knew her very well. She was a friend of mine, right here in the College."
"... here?"
Lucy glanced at Natsu, seeing his face as surprised as hers.
"She was a scholar here in her prime days, before her daughter was born", Makarov explained. "She settled down in Helgen after your grandmother's birth, disconnecting herself from the College. I've always been waiting for her offspring to wound up here. The magic was strong her blood, all her ancestors being mages as well."
In loss of words, Lucy stared at Makarov, unable to believe what she just heard. Mother had never mentioned Anna being in the College. Lucy had thought Anna had been only a free mage, practicing magic on her own. Why didn't Mother tell her?
"I think you'd make a superb addition in the College, Lucy", Makarov said then, smiling. "No need for any show-off. Right, Mirajane?"
"That's... That's alright", the elven woman agreed, the hint of doubt fading from her voice. "You can show us your skills once you've rested. Welcome, apprentice. Let's add your name in our books and make it official, shall we?"
Warmth spread from her smile into her whole body, the frightened trembling fading. Here it was, her biggest dream, just fulfilled. She had thought of joining the College as a goal itself, but right there she understood it was only a mere beginning.
The beginning of everything she ever dreamt of.
After signing Lucy as a student, Mirajane gave her a set of novice robes and told her the quick basics of studying and living in the College. It was getting late, so she promised to tell more tomorrow morning before the first lessons she'd attend.
Natsu twirled a key in his hands as they walked down the stairs, arriving in the Hall of the Elements. He lost the keys to his room while imprisoned, so Mirajane gave him a spare one. Ironically, he knew how to pick Igneel's lock but not his own. Upon their common agreement, Igneel's old room was given to Lucy. Something about it unsettled him, but he convicted himself Igneel wouldn't be needing it anymore.
Yet still, packing Igneel's things into a chest, emptying the room of his personal belongings made his death so horridly final.
Swallowing his grief, Natsu opened the large door leading to the courtyard. Mirajane had asked if he could give Lucy a brief tour while she'd prepare the room for Lucy, and Natsu had agreed. Despite knowing the College better than his own pockets, he didn't know where to start.
It didn't feel like home anymore, the walls familiar but the atmosphere lonely.
"There's the Hall of Attainment", he said while walking across the yard, pointing his finger to the right tower. "It's where I live. Igneel's room is in the first floor while mine's in the second."
Lucy looked down, a stunned smile still not fading from her lips. "Does your brother still have a room?"
"Yes, in the Hall of Countenance. It's where scholars and high-ranked wizards live, right on the other side of the yard. It's locked though. Only Happy can get in. The spare key was given to Mavis back then."
'Where's Happy by the way?' Natsu wondered by himself, disappointed the ghost cat hadn't come to greet him yet. 'I bet he's on the roof as always.'
Natsu opened the heavy door of the Hall of Attainment, letting Lucy walk in before him. Warmth embraced him as he walked into the vestibule, another brazier lit in the middle of a circular tower. Doors lined the walls, and a staircase started on the opposite side of the hall. Some doors were open, allowing distinct chatter to travel through the air. Not everyone was asleep.
"How many rooms are in one tower?" Lucy asked, counting the doors.
"Fifteen here for apprentices. There are extra rooms for dining, a few storages, an alchemy lab and an enchanting room. Downstairs is the washing chambers, but be warned, the water is always cold."
There was one thing Natsu wanted to say to Lucy but didn't. He had noticed how she had almost slipped and revealed her identity as the Dragonborn. Natsu wanted to point her out for it but knew there were too many ears in the tower. Secrets spread like wildfire among the College when once set loose.
Lucy had been way too reckless today, and Natsu hoped it wouldn't be permanent. Otherwise, their mission to save the world from dragons wouldn't be a great success. Even Natsu knew when to act serious, but today Lucy had been on the verge of losing it.
"Igneel's room is behind that door, next to Gray's", Natsu said, gesturing towards the door closest to the staircase. "Mine's upstairs, but it's... It's kinda messy. Let's just drop our bags there before taking a look around?"
Lucy nodded, following him up the stairs. Like a phantom hand grasping at his throat, Natsu felt his grief creeping back again. He shoved it to the background, not giving it space to thrive.
Natsu sighed as they reached the second floor and saw Laxus, the Arch-Mage's grandson, and his friends sitting in the dining room drinking mead. Laxus gave him a confused glare before raising his hand to greet him. Natsu lifted his hand in return, only faintly touching his own cheek. He had no energy to deal with anyone, knowing they all had the same question in mind. A question too painful to answer.
He walked to the second door on the left and placed the key in the lock. The old key got stuck from the edges, forcing him to violently thrust it in. It creaked and rattled, but luckily the door opened before he lost his nerves.
"Home sweet home", Natsu mumbled and swung his bag away from his shoulders. Lucy peeked past him into his room, her eyes widening at the sight.
"Kinda messy?" she asked, almost as a squeal. "Have you ever cleaned here?"
Natsu stepped in, casting a magelight into the ceiling. He threw his bag on his unmade bed, relieved to have its weight off his shoulders. That's what his room was for: dumping the extra weight, mostly on the floor. Natsu wasn't much of an organizer, and it showed.
"Once, when Mira threatened to capture my soul in one of these gems if I wouldn't place them on the shelf."
Memories from his former adventures adorned the wall shelves and empty mead bottles collected dust on the night table. Worn clothes laid on the floor, piling up to reach his knees as he walked to the cabinet. Alchemy ingredients, random jewels, potions, notes and books… there was no end to the clutter. Lucy stood frozen in the doorway as she stared at the mess.
Natsu shoved his hand into his pocket, picking up the dragon tooth he collected yesterday. He twirled it in his fingers while looking for a suitable place for it. "Well, where should I put this?"
"Didn't think of you as a hoarder."
"Hoarder? I'm just collecting things from my travels. Mementos, you know", Natsu said, placing the dragon tooth between two black soul gems. On the same shelf was a bent piece of metal, formed in an oval shape. "I found this in a Dwemer ruin near Dawnstar. Isn't it cool? It's thousands of years old."
Lucy furrowed her brow, finally stepping into the room. She sat down on a chair next to the door, moving her backpack into her lap. "It's just scrap metal."
"It was attached to a Dwarven spider I destroyed. Strangely, the Dwarves have been gone for... I don't know how long, but their creations are still functional, performing whatever things their masters once tasked them with."
"Sounds haunting."
"Dwemer ruins are haunting. A whole civilization lost to the ages. You've probably read about it. But it was fun to explore the ruins with Igneel. Lots of traps though." Natsu chuckled at a memory surfacing in his ind. "Damn, Igneel almost lost his prick into a spinning blade trap. Was it the same trip I got this from? Maybe. That explains why I'd track it along."
Lucy pinched her eyes closed. "Please don't tell me more -"
"You know, he went to take a piss and accidentally stepped on a pressure plate, activating a hidden blade, and it... it almost sliced his dick off... The way he screamed was even funnier than the whole thing."
Lucy stared at Natsu, pressing her lips into a thin line and holding her breath. Then she broke into laughter, still trying to hold it back. Natsu smiled as he put the metal back to the shelf. To him, the joke wasn't that funny anymore, but back then he had laughed so much he ended up rolling on the floor, gasping for air through his spasmed lungs.
Would he ever laugh like that again? Sure, Lucy was also funny sometimes, Natsu doubted things like that would happen with her.
"Are you hungry?" Natsu asked, searching for an excuse to leave his room. There was nothing more to see, even though every item held a story to tell. Going through them would take hours and many ales. "I'll eat something before showing you around. There are too many stairs to walk with an empty stomach."
"The tour can wait 'til tomorrow. Even though it's so amazing to be there, I'm too tired for it", Lucy answered with a sigh, her laughter now gone. "So yeah, let's eat while Mirajane gets the room ready."
Natsu agreed, the long day taking its toll on him too. But despite his exhaustion, he didn't feel sleepy. It was sometimes like that after coming home after a long journey. An ale or two would surely help with that, prevent him from tossing and turning and staring into the dark ceiling until it would be dawn.
Lucy's gaze lingered on the soul gems as Natsu rose, questions appearing in her brown eyes. He had collected quite a few of them indeed, his last count being fifty-six. Most of them weren't filled. It crept him out to store souls of the animals inside the crystals, but he thought they were pretty as they were.
While Natsu locked the door, Lucy found herself into the dining room. It was a small hall with a long table with benches on each side. There were an oven and a fireplace for the students to cook their own food from the ingredients stored in barrels. Natsu rarely cooked, though. Mirajane always made sure everyone had a hearty meal, the woman preparing a huge kettle of stew every day.
It wasn't a Master Wizard's duty to do, but Mira loved to cook and bake. She said she forgot the worries of the world while dipping her fingers in the dough. Natsu never had an older sister, but he thought of Mira as one. He had lost count of how many times she had healed his burns and bruises when his training went too far during his novice years.
But besides her and Igneel, Natsu never really had other friends in the College, and he only realized it now.
"All food is for everyone", Natsu said and took a bowl for himself. "Personal treats shouldn't be stored here though. Leave your sweet rolls on the table and they'll be gone in a blink of an eye."
Lucy nodded, picking up apples, bread, and cheese. They sat down on the vacant end of the table, Laxus and his friends still eating on the other side. The Thunder Tribe they were called, the elven mages specializing in shock magic. Natsu rarely had any business with them and didn't really want to. Being the Arch-Mage's grandson had gotten into Laxus's head long ago, the young man more arrogant than Natsu liked to deal with.
"Hey Blondie", Laxus hollered to Lucy. "You're new here, yes? Haven't seen your face before."
"Uhm, yes", Lucy stuttered, hiding her mouth in a mug. "I'm Lucy. Just joined."
"Good. There ain't too many pretties here. Be seeing you around."
Natsu squeezed his fingers around the wooden spoon, staring Laxus from below his brows. The tall, blond Breton man was known for his ill intentions, often mocking the newcomers for the sakes of his own fun. Especially Gray got hazed by Laxus when he joined three years ago, the two still not standing each other.
To Natsu's relief, Laxus's group finished eating and left, letting silence fall into the dining hall. Laxus had something in his eyes which Natsu had rarely seen before. A pitying look, the closest thing to condolences the man would ever get.
His appetite suddenly gone, Natsu forced the stew down his throat. It was made from chicken, cabbage, and onions, but the flavor was gone, dulled by sadness. He and Igneel had lived in their own bubble, and everything was just so different now it was broken. Was this hollow silence how things would be from there on? Would everyone always look at him with that fucking pity in their eyes?
"Thank you", Lucy said suddenly, cutting him off from his thoughts.
"What?"
"Thank you for taking me here."
Natsu turned to look at her. "Anytime", he answered, instantly realizing it didn't really make any sense. Lucy didn't seem to mind, the woman silencing again to finish her apple.
When Lucy had eaten, they left their bowls and mugs on the dish table. Natsu thought he'd go straight to bed and drink the ales he had stored, but then he heard Mirajane's voice from downstairs.
"Natsu, come here!"
Letting out a tired sigh, Natsu headed into the stairs, his legs feeling heavy as logs. Mirajane stood at Igneel's door with an open chest beside her. He and Lucy walked to her, and Natsu's heart dropped into his stomach when he looked into the box.
Igneel had used soul gems the way they were supposed to. Instead of putting them on display, he trapped souls in them and used them in enchanting his weapons and armor. The gems on the bottom of the chest gleamed, the souls dancing inside of them.
"Do you want them?" Mira asked. "I know you collect soul gems."
"No thanks."
"You want to keep anything? I'll store his personal items away, but his robes will be given back to the College."
Natsu shook his head faintly and grasped his white scarf. "I don't need his clutter to remember him from."
Mirajane's eyes widened as she recognized the pattern on Natsu's scarf. Her lips twitched into an inward smile, brows tilting slightly to the side.
The mage's shoulders tensed as Mirajane suddenly wrapped her arms around them, pulling him against her chest.
"I'm so sorry for you", she whispered into his hair, so silent he could barely hear. "I know what it feels like to lose your kin."
Usually, Natsu didn't like being touched or hugged, but now he accepted Mira's embrace. It was genuine empathy, lacking pity he despised. Natsu knew where it came from. Mira was still haunted by her own loss, the accidental death of her little sister still weighing her down.
"Yeah."
"We thought we lost both of you, so I'm glad at least you made it back. The College has been awfully quiet the last few weeks."
Natsu pushed himself apart from the embrace, flashing a quick, fake smile and lowering his gaze to the floor of Igneel's room. His eyes locked to the chair next to the shelf. Air stuck in his throat because for the briefest moment he could see vividly see Igneel sitting there, reading books about the greatest deeds of his ancestors.
"I know", Natsu mumbled. "Still is."
Mirajane didn't say anything, but Natsu felt her eyes on him. He bit his lips, fighting back a sudden wave of emotions he knew he couldn't keep at bay much longer.
"You'll be fine from here?" Natsu asked, turning to Lucy. He knew she would be okay. She was in a good mood, bubbly happy even, and Mirajane wouldn't let her get lonely.
"Yes", she answered. "You can get to sleep."
"Good night, then."
"Good night."
Natsu left and climbed upstairs, the route from Igneel's room to his own so familiar he could walk it even in his sleep. He picked up the key, turning it in the lock while holding back the damn tears.
And when he finally got into the lonely safety of his own room, they fell.
Coming home had never felt so fucking bad.
Torn between not wanting to be alone right now and not wanting anyone to see him crying, Natsu dragged himself to bed. He lied down in the dark and hid under all the blankets he had, still unable to cast away the coldness from his bones.
He had felt the same five years ago, the day he first arrived in College in late autumn. Laying awake in the same bed, staring into the same ceiling, feeling just as lonely. He had made all the way up here only to find his brother had been missing for a year already. The thought of a happy reunion had pushed him through the darkest moments but left him empty-handed.
His memories of the first days were shrouded in mist. His brother's disappearance had chased away his rest, his mind going through every possible scenario when he was supposed to sleep. Everyone knew as little as him, making him question what was the point of coming here after all. But he had no other home to go back to, what was done was done. His choices were going back to the streets and forests or settling into the College.
It had been his third day when Igneel found him crying in the dining room at night, trying to force himself to eat Mirajane's stew.
"Don't let Mira catch ya crying at her food", Igneel had said. "She'll turn into a demon."
Instead of ignoring him and walking away, Igneel had sat next to him to eat his own dinner. He had talked about everything except Zeref, Natsu's answers slowly changing from grunts into whole sentences.
So had begun the friendship which lasted into Igneel's last breath.
A door creaked, but no light got in. Flinching, Natsu raised his head, noticing his closet being suddenly opened. A ghostly tail swung beside the bed before a cat jumped on Natsu's stomach.
"Happy!" the mage shrieked. "You scared the shit out of me."
The cat leaned closer to his face, sniffling him with its whiskers ticking Natsu's cheeks. Despite being a conjured animal and being able to go through walls, it manifested as a corporeal being, Natsu feeling its weight as it kneaded his chest.
Had it been hiding in his closet all this time?
Happy curled up on his stomach, calming Natsu with its peaceful purring.
Natsu didn't know where the thought came from, but suddenly he realized his friendship with Igneel didn't have to end. Death might have separated them, but it wouldn't break their bond.
Just like his brother was still alive in a distance away, why wouldn't Igneel still exist in another plane? Natsu hadn't believed in afterlives before, but how could he know what came after death? Happy was Zeref's sign of showing he was still there, so maybe, just perhaps Igneel could also somehow tell him his spirit carried on, watched over his path, waiting for them to meet again.
All he'd need was the smallest sign, even in a dream, and then he'd know he'd one day feel like home again.
A/N: Sorry it took me a whole month to update! I rewrote chapter 2 and part of chapter 3 before starting working on this chapter, but at least I managed to stick in my goal of writing one new chapter per one month.
And sorry for typos, it's late at night while I'm publishing this and I'll read it tomorrow with fresh eyes. My most common typo is accidentally messing personal pronouns. Like writing "Lucy closed his eyes" when I should write "Lucy closed her eyes". There's gender neutral personal pronoun in my mother tongue so that explains the mess ups. Anyway, if there are stupid things like that please forgive me.
What did you think of the College? Not every member was introduced right ahead, and many characters from original Fairy Tail won't be in the College, but spirkled across the other guilds and factions (like Erza and Cana in the Companions etc). I'll also include some College characters from Skyrim, so there will be a mix of FT and Skyrim in the College.
I keep slipping into angst while writing Natsu's POV's, sorry 'bout that, I hope there isn't too much edgelordyness in this. But, considering it has been only 8 days since he lost his best friend it should be unrealistic to espect he'd be magically fine. Lucy also lost everything, but she's coping differently, because she's mostly dissociating due to the trauma. I want to keep their traumatic experiences in mind while writing this but I don't want to drag too much in the angst, you know?
