She parks in his driveway, uncertain about everything. She lets her engine run a few seconds than she needs to, before she kills the engine and gets out of her car. Elijah opens the door as she walks to it, vampire hearing she remembers. He doesn't quite look like he was before the ball, there's an edge of something different now to him. Elena knows she doesn't look or feel the same either. This, Elena doesn't want to put a name on it or call it what it is, it's affected them both. It's time to deal with it.
They're on his couch again, farther away than they used to sit, and she breaks the silence.
"I'm sorry I ran." She admits and he says nothing, just waits to see if she'll continue or not.
"No offense, but I didn't think it would be you." Elena keeps talking, they both need to air all of it out before they can figure out what to do about them, this, together. She didn't plan any of this, meeting him and their alliance, running away, her voice cracking as she tells the truth-she thought soulmates were supposed to give you a feeling of relief or hope or something other than fear and uncertainty. It's not his fault it still affects them.
"I uh- I wanted kids. I wanted a husband or wife or whoever was supposed to fit into my fantasy of the suburbs. I was going to find my soulmate and make human choices. Kids or not, a place to pay a mortage, a workplace to spend a lot of time, grow old." A few tears escape her eyes and he wants to comfort her in some way but he's sure she doesn't want comfort from him. Maybe some wine later, but this is not the time.
"I always thought I'd have my parents and my family when I grew up. You know when you're young and you think adults are invincible? I thought my father would walk me down the aisle and my mother would help plan the wedding and they'd die when they were ready. I thought I had more time. I thought we'd all grow older together." Elena takes another deep breath.
"You are invincible. You can't age with me. We cannot have children, and I'm not rejecting you it's just that if I pick you- I don't think I can have any of that." Elena's weary down to her bones and she's crying in front of Elijah of all things but she kind of doesn't care anymore. This has been eating her up for days. It isn't all bad, there are a lot of good things to Elijah and picking him, embracing destiny but there are a lot of things to let go of, potential futures she has to kiss goodbye and she's never kissed anyone before.
Something warm and soft is on her shoulders and she looks at one of them before she figures out what it is. Elijah must have disappeared and returned without her noticing it- he gave her a blanket.
"You were shivering." He says simply, and she adjusts it around herself pretending like she can't feel his eyes on her, wondering what he's thinking. It's warm, but when she stops fidgeting with it she'll look at him again and she can't read him at all.
"You can't settle down with me in the suburbs can you?" It's supposed to be funny sort of but he shakes his head.
"I do not think I can." He admits and she lets out a small sigh.
"People would notice you looking perfect as ever as I get crow's feet." Elena muses and Elijah looks at her with curiousity.
"You think I look perfect?" He wonders aloud and Elena groans.
"Of course I do. I'm sure several people would agree with me. Don't let your ego get too big." It's lighthearted, it feels good, it feels easy but Elena can't let herself slip into it like she might have before. They're practically strangers.
"Would you ever consider finding a human to live the life you want with you?" The question slips out of his lips and she freezes.
"I-" She can see doing that, with the possibility of Elijah checking in or maybe just observing from time to time, but there'd be regret there. She's not sure she can do that to Elijah, asking him to help keep her safe even at the risk of his own feelings and their status. If she doesn't have any help in normal human life she might just get kidnapped by vampires or whatever else is out there. It wouldn't be normal with her knowledge of the supernatural. Whoever she'd pick wouldn't be her soulmate and having kids could make another doppelganger, but Jeremy could easily have kids and cause that too.
Elena looks lost in thought and the lost look disappears as she adjusts the blanket around her again.
"Any children Jeremy and I could have might lead to another doppelganger in a few centuries, right?" They can't lie to each other but he hasn't heard her voice like this, so starkly forward laced with hurt.
"Yes." He hears himself say and she looks thoughtful but there's regret there too, it's in the way she moves. He shifts unnecessarily and one of her hands touches his sleeve for a moment.
"One of the buttons was undone." She excuses lamely, it's the truth but it's still kind of awkward, and she asks what he wants.
"A chance to see what we could be like." He answers, no frills to his answer. Elena nods for a few moments before she swallows and speaks again.
"A chance. Okay. Let's do it." It's better than dismissing Elijah and regretting it. It's better to have known and lost than than to have never known at all. Elijah's face looks starkly open and surprised with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth.
"So we should get to know each other. Since you're such a chatterbox I figured you wouldn't mind going first." Elena smile and he lets out a bark of laughter.
