CHAPTER 28: HONOUR AND GLORY


The glares of the grim-looking Nord twins persisted on Natsu as he chewed the fifth roasted chicken leg, brown sauce flowing down his chin. He did his best to ignore the Companions sitting on the opposite side of the long table, but the silence grew more excruciating the more he ate, and the less they talked.

Clad in armours made from steel plates and black wolf fur, and being head and a half taller than Natsu, they easily appeared more intimidating than they probably meant to. Carvings adorned the pieces of metal they wore, representing the likeness of a wolf's skull and teeth. There was something feral about them indeed, a hint of a berserker, their dark beards and brows and hair as wild as if they'd never seen a comb. Like wild wolves themselves, something Natsu preferred not to mess with.

At first, he had been too hungry to care about them. He had been starving for a month, and sitting down on a table laden with food had been nearly an otherworldly experience. There had been nothing else in his world at that moment than the many dishes of different roasted meats, baked potatoes, cheese dumplings and apple pies. But now, as his hunger had been satiated, he could no longer overlook the way those Nords stared at him.

"What're you staring at?" Natsu finally dared to ask. He swallowed, waiting for them to answer.

Their names were Vilkas and Farkas, but Natsu couldn't tell which one was who. The other twin, the one with the longer hair, let out a snort, but did not say anything.

"Still trying to figure out why Erza invited outsiders to our mead hall," said the other one with short hair. "And mages! Since when she has trusted in some shady wizards?"

"We shady wizards saved her arse once. She owes us a good meal," Natsu answered and wiped his mouth, leaving a sauce stain on the back of his hand.

"Really? She hadn't even mentioned you before."

"Maybe because I won her in a brawl once. She's too ashamed to admit it."

The man's dark eyes widened, and he nearly spat the mead from his mouth. "What? You won Erza in a brawl, you scrawny little whelp?"

Natsu grinned. Winning her had indeed been one of the best moments of his life. He had never felt as strong as then. "Yeah, believe me or not, I did! She was begging me to stop when I knocked her hide to the ground."

The Companion shook his large head. "Can't be. No one has won against Erza. Let me guess – she let you win so you wouldn't feel pathetic?"

"Don't be so rude on the new blood, Vilkas," said the long-haired twin. Natsu was surprised he could talk. His voice was lower, even more ruthless than his brother's, but his words were kinder. This one had to be Farkas, then. "It's nice to have a new face around. It gets boring here sometimes."

Natsu knit his brow together as he took a sip from the mead cup. "It isn't like we're joining you or anything…"

"Too bad," Farkas said sharply with a nonchalant shrug. "I was hoping we could keep you."

Vilkas sighed, burying his face to his enormous, hairy palm. "Sorry. You see, I love my brother, but his brains aren't his strong suit…"

Suddenly, Farkas tilted his head towards his brother, and spat out, "Huh? You wanna go?"

"Hey, calm down –" Vilkas defended but was interrupted when Farkas turned at Natsu and pointed his thumb at his brother, grinning.

"Some people don't think I'm smart. Those people get my fist," he told. "But you, I like."

Natsu had no idea what the man meant, and to be honest, he didn't even want to know. The brothers continued their rambling while he shut himself out of it. Having finished his meal, he picked up his mead cup and withdrew to a smaller, rounded table nearer the walls. He seated down, enjoyed the newfound calmness, and eyed at the structures of the building.

A strong scent of tar lingered in the air, similar to how the decks always smelled like. Candles, torches, and the fireplace in the middle gave a dim, soft light to the place. The roof of the hall was made from an ancient longboat, now supported by many posts and beams. All kinds of different weapons were hung on display on the racks on the walls. Swords, axes, maces, and bows, but most important of them were the fragments of a greataxe old Ysgamor himself had wielded in the battle against the elves, or so Erza had said. Wuuthrad was the name. Only shards of it were left, but Natsu could sense the hatred it held against the elvenkind, of which he shared a small part in his blood.

Now that he looked around, he didn't see a single elf along their lines. All of them were Nords, maybe a few Imperials, Natsu could barely tell the difference between those two races. But since the Companions rooted in the ideas and traditions of the ancient Nords, it was not a big surprise that they didn't let any outsider join. Seeing them brawling and drinking and eating suddenly made Natsu understand why Nords were such a rare sight in the College of Winterhold.

This, in all of its simplicity, was their way of life. The Nordic way.

The moment they had arrived in the smoky mead hall, there had been a full-blown fistfight going on. A couple of them had brawled on top of the long table, throwing each other down, while others had wrestled on the floor. Erza's mighty command had made them stop. As silence had fallen, Erza had ordered them to prepare for a feast. After that, they'd be able to continue solving whatever quarrels they had.

Soon enough, the meals had been served by an old woman whose name Natsu didn't quite catch. She was said to be a maid who had tended the Companions as long as everyone could remember. Some even said that the mead hall was built around her, but it had to be a joke. As she had brought the fresh food from downstairs, she said, 'I see everything, hear everything, and know everything,' and it made Natsu wonder if she knew about Erza's little connection to the Dark Brotherhood too. Especially now that they had brought their courtship into daylight, even though in a disguise.

When Natsu had sat down to eat, Lucy had disappeared to the dorm with Erza and the other women. They said something about transforming her into a real Nordic warrior, but Natsu didn't know what it really meant. Whatever it was, it was taking her too long. Being here surrounded by all these Nord strangers was getting uncomfortable.

Now that he thought about it, he didn't remember seeing Lucy or Erza around that much when they'd been at Igneel's memorial in Fort Amol. There had been only elves then, different kinds of wizards from necromancers to illusionists. Natsu, though not being an elf, but a mage himself, had suited into the unruly group well enough, but his friends did not. They had withdrawn into the most distant corner of the hall. Maybe Natsu felt now what they had felt then, the feeling of not belonging.

While College of Winterhold was a place for studying and preserving the arcane arts, Jorrvaskr was home to a band of warriors. As Natsu had heard, they showed up to solve problems in Skyrim when the coin was good enough. They fought side by side as brothers and sisters, with glory in battle and honour in life.

In some way, Natsu admired that. Maybe, if his path had been different from the beginning and he had been born as a warrior at heart, he would've chosen that kind of life too. But as a man he was now, he couldn't even imagine choosing steel over fire. Swords and axes and maces felt foreign in his hands, while flames felt just like home.

Suddenly, a familiar voice pierced through the uproar and snapped him out of the ridiculous thought of imagining himself as a Companion. Natsu turned his head to the stairway, and didn't quite expect to see Lucy standing there, dressed like... that. He had to blink more than once. He barely recognized her.

Fair braids ran along her scalp, gathered into a mane of hair on the middle of her head. Her eyes were painted black to make them appear even bigger, her lips tinted as red as snowberries. The monk robes had been changed into an armour made from leather and fur and steel plates, yet it seemed to be meant for allowing free movement rather than protecting the wearer.

She was accompanied by the Erza and the other women, but Natsu barely noticed them. Natsu's gaze lingered not on her revealed skin or the shapes of her body, but on the red scar running from her shoulder to her chest. The troll's claw marks had healed well, though they still needed a lot of time to fade. Natsu hoped it didn't hurt anymore. He still blamed himself for letting that happen.

Lucy turned her head around, searching across the hall. When her gaze met his, her eyes brightened and she flashed a smile. She said something to Erza and then left their company.

"Where's Lucy?" Natsu asked jokingly when she walked to him. "What did you do to her?"

Lucy smiled, somehow shy as she looked down at her new outfit. "Ancient Nord archers looked like this, and Aela holds on to that tradition. I borrowed her armour." She chuckled, nervously rubbing her neck. "Or rather, they made me wear it..."

"I see," Natsu commented and turned his eyes back to the table. Seeing her like that reminded him of the leather armour she had found in Embershard mine. At least when she had tried to put it on the wrong way around.

Lucy pulled her short leather skirt down, the chainmail clinking as she tried to hide her thighs. Her boots reached her knees and bracers shielded her arms, but her sides and upper legs were bare. Straps and laces kept together the leather pieces barely covering her chest. Either the snowberry tint had smudged from her lips to her cheeks or then she was bloody embarrassed by her armour.

"Don't 'I see' me," she hissed silently and sat beside him on the bench. "I don't feel like myself at all! Gods, if my mother would see me now, she'd –"

"I'm still wondering where the heck Lucy is."

"I'm here, flame-brain!" Lucy cried and nudged his side with her sharp finger. "At least they bathed me. In warm water. Can you imagine? A warm bath!" She paused for a moment. "You'd totally need a bath too. Should I ask them if they'd turn you into a huntress? This wouldn't be so embarrassing alone."

Natsu chuckled into his cup as he sipped the mead. Lucy was right. He hadn't felt warm water on his skin since bathing in the inn at Ivarstead. In High Hrothgar, ice-cold bucketfuls straight from the well had been the only thing he'd washed himself with when the reek had become unbearable.

As she mentioned the bath, Natsu realized she smelled different. Not like the usual honeyed soap she used, but like scented oil – a strong hint of tart autumn berries with red mountain flowers. Maybe the old Nordic warriors used those herbs to increase their strength and valour in a battle, but it didn't suit her natural, innocent endeavour.

"Just take it easy. It ain't like nobody here will bat an eye," Natsu consoled her and offered her a bottle of mead, which had been stored in the basket on the table. "Here, have a drink."

Lucy received the mead bottle, but held it hesitantly. She struggled to get the cork off, and took no sip from it.

"I don't know if I should…" Lucy said silently. "You know, my parents never let me drink. They feared I'd do something... inappropriate, bring disgrace to the whole family. They didn't drink either. Only a cup of wine with a fine meal, nothing more."

Lucy eyed at the label clued to the side of the bottle as if to avoid drinking it. Natsu's parents had, ironically, taught him the same. Father had given the best lectures about the dangers of alcohol when he'd been drunk himself. The moment Natsu had been out of that house, those words had lost all power, and he had been drinking ever since.

"Sorry to put it like this, but they aren't here anymore," Natsu told her, hoping she wouldn't get sad. "You can do anything you want. And it isn't like drinking is the worst thing you've done."

Lucy silenced as she gazed into his eyes, then averting her gaze back to the bottle. "Then tell the father in my head to shut up."

Natsu knocked on Lucy's forehead with his knuckles. "Hey, Lucy's old man, let your kid have some fun for once," he said and smirked.

"Thanks," Lucy chuckled, and took one hesitant sip. She cringed at the taste, barely able to swallow it. "Gods this is horrible."

"Yeah, Nord mead is. Tastes like goat's piss," Natsu said. "I miss the one with juniper in it."

"Too bad Vilod won't be brewing it anymore."

"Did I hear someone insulting our mead?" a loud voice said behind them and cracked into a laugh. "Unforgivable."

Natsu glanced over his shoulder. The brown-haired woman, the one who had wielded two swords, stood in the stairway. Her weapons were now resting in the racks by the front doors. She wore a wide grin as she walked to their table.

"Sorry, I… I think the taste is rather strong," Lucy tried to fix her mistake. "I'm not really used to it."

"Yet," the Companion said. She carried a small barrel in her arms, and Natsu realised it was full of mead. She seated to the bench opposite to them, on the other side of the table. "So, you're Erza's friends? I haven't heard of you before, but I'd love to get to know you. If our stone-cold Erza has become fond of you, you'll have to be some special kind of folk."

"Yeah, sure," said Lucy awkwardly. "My name is Lucy. This one is Natsu. And you are…?"

"Cana," she answered and bowed deeply, so deep her mead almost spilt from the barrel. "Are you both mages? So, you can cast a few spells?"

"We're from the College," Natsu told.

"Ah, the College. They say the College has been snooping around Saarthal. Mages in a burial crypt? No good can come of that…"

A sudden interest sparked within Natsu's chest. He hadn't heard a word of what had happened in Winterhold since they had left. Lucy had wanted to go to that expedition, so Natsu thought she'd find it intriguing as well.

"We've been away for a while now," Lucy said. "Has something happened out there?"

"I've heard that someone saw a mage appear out of thin air. Claimed it was one of those Psijic monks," Cana told and lifted her shoulder, the mead nearly spilling again. "Man's been hitting the skooma, I say."

"That has to be Gray," Natsu replied. Gray had gone to that trip as a tutor, and Natsu had a feeling that thing had happened to him. "But Psijics? Here, in Skyrim?"

"Who are the Psijics?" Lucy asked.

"A group of mages no-one has seen in centuries. Very powerful, very secretive. I have no idea why they would've been there," Natsu explained. "That's all I know, really. Gotta ask them more about it when we get back."

Lucy sighed, swirling the bottle in her hands. "We've probably missed out a lot…"

"Nothing that important," Cana said. "Besides, now is the time for a feast. Let's wash down the worries of the world. It's going to end anyway soon." She drank directly from the barrel, the mead running down from the corners of her lips. "Hey! You seem like decent folk, but I'm not drunk enough to say for sure. So, let's play a little game!"

"A game?" Lucy wondered, lifting her brows.

"Erza! Aela! The wolf twins!" Cana hollered to the hall. "Come here. Let's play a game with the whelps."

"That drinking game of yours? Not again…" Aela, the red-haired huntress muttered. "I'll pass this time."

"We too," said the twins.

"It's going to be great!" Cana shouted at them. "Erza, at least you should come. You can't leave your friends on my mercy."

"Well… Alright. Can't argue against that," the warrior answered, left the company of her friends and joined Natsu's and Lucy's small table. When she had seated, Cana poured her a cup.

"Here are the rules", she began as she passed the mead to Erza. "In turns, we make statements about each other. The same statement is meant for everyone. If the claim is true for you, then you drink. If it's not, then you don't drink. Easy."

"So… If you say 'you've killed a giant,' those who have killed one will have a drink?" Lucy asked.

"Exactly. To spice things up, if no one drinks, you are out of the game. You have to read the others, know who they are and what they've done. The last one standing wins," Cana said and laughed. She seemed to be laughing all the time. "Let's begin. The youngest starts."

"I'm seventeen, so I bet I'm the youngest," Lucy answered. "What would I ask…"

"Anything you want, but there's no lying in this game. I'll know if you lie."

"Okay," Lucy sighed and wiped her face. She had forgotten her painted eyes, and smudged the black colour on her temple. "You… You've seen a dragon."

Somehow Natsu knew she'd say that. He took a drink from his bottle, and so did Erza. Cana did not, to her disappointment.

"Who's next?" Lucy asked.

"The second youngest. I've lived for twenty-three winters," Cana answered and looked at Natsu. "What about you, half-elf?"

"Guess it's my turn then," Natsu said and leaned forward to the table. So, he had to read the others and make legitimate guesses about their past and present lives? He wasn't good at that, but there was one thing he was sure about Erza, at least. "You're a bastard child."

Cana smirked at him as she drank, eagerly swallowing the mead for a lot longer than she needed to, in order to prove the statement correct. Erza drank too, as Natsu had guessed. Her full name was Erza of Rorikstead. Carrying the name of one's hometown as the last name often meant being a bastard, or being from a family too poor for a family name, like Natsu was.

In Skyrim, bastards weren't frowned upon, but they weren't praised either. The children were innocent of their parent's premarital acts, and deserved not to be despised for it. But, illegitimate children had no right of inheritance, and were often placed in an unfortunate situation compared to their true-born peers.

"Something wrong about it? We might've never known our fathers, but at least we know we've been born of passion," Cana said after drinking her share. "But my mama used to say my father was a mage."

"Really?" Natsu asked.

"Yeah. A nomad, spent a drunken night with my mama, and I was the result," she told, nearly sounding proud of it. "But well, no magic passed down to me. Only the thirst did. He was a great drinker. That's all I know about him. Did you two know your fathers?"

Natsu shrugged. "Unfortunately."

"Many of us here never did," Cana said and pointed at the twins, who were now brawling on the other side of the hall. "Vilkas and Farkas were brought here as pups. A soldier, off his way to fight in the Great War, dropped them at the doorstep and never came back. They were grown and raised here until they eventually joined."

"Being orphaned by that terrible, terrible war is a shared wound among many of my generation," Erza joined the conversation, her tone grim and serious, as it often was. "But for those whose fathers returned, it was much worse. I'm glad that the man who fathered me died in the battle instead of slaughtering his family, mistaking us for Thalmor spies. Those things happened too."

Igneel had been born during the Great War, and so had Zeref. They had known the shade of the falling empires, lived in constant fear of the battles spreading across their homelands. The things Natsu had heard of were mere, distant echoes, but the shadows were long-stretched. The horrors grew like thin dark vines in the hearts of each citizen of Skyrim.

"I know. There was a homeless man in Helgen who claimed to be a veteran of Great War," Lucy told, sudden tremors of disgust running down her body. "Everyone feared him. He always told… grotesque tales from the war, not leaving out the goriest detail. We were glad when he died one winter. Nobody missed that rambling about severed limbs."

"Had a few of those beggars here, too. There was one who practically preached about how men shit themselves when they die," Cana said and laughed again, her voice rising. "Shit here, shit there, shit everywhere, all day and night until he was taken to jail. Not that the situation has improved, as now Heimskir is preaching about Talos…" She paused, letting her laughter die down. "So, you were from Helgen?"

"Yes… My family were merchants, but they died in the dragon attack, so I… I joined the mage's college."

"But why? You should've just come here. You'd make a good shield-sister. The way you helped us kill that giant was just… brilliant!"

"Erza actually suggested that, but well, I've… I've kinda always wanted to be a mage, and that was my chance, so I decided to follow that path instead," Lucy said. "How did you become a Companion, Cana?"

Cana nodded slowly. "Like most of our band, I found this family after losing my own. I came to Jorrvaskr after my mama died. I was ten, and I didn't let them take me to the orphanage. I fought the jarl's men away with two butterknives."

"So that's why you wield two swords?" Natsu asked. He could easily imagine her as a little girl, slashing the guards with her knives like she had fought the giant earlier today.

"Yeah. Why have just one when you can have two?" Cana said, left the barrel rest in her lap as she spread her muscular arms. "Dual-wielding comes to me as naturally as everything else in life. If there are two options, I take both of them. I don't want to experience just half of the world. When I go to Sovngarde, I want to say that I lived my life to the fullest and enjoyed every moment of it."

"Well, that's a… good philosophy to live by," Lucy replied with a faint smile.

"Ha, it's not the time for discussing philosophies now! Time to move on. Was it my turn now?" Cana asked, and Erza nodded to her. "Alright, so… You've kissed someone."

Natsu almost drank, but then realized that being kissed by his mother probably did not count this time. Trying to keep her face as calm as possible, Erza took a sip from her mug, but to Natsu's utter surprise, Lucy drank too. Natsu stared at her in disbelief.

"Ah, now I see," Cana snickered. "That kind of a thing."

"No, I… That was…" Lucy stuttered, waving her hand at her flushed cheeks. "I-it was only a misunderstanding."

"Isn't it getting interesting now!"

Natsu turned her eyes away from Lucy. Though he didn't need to know what had happened, he couldn't help but feel curious.

"Let the poor girl be, Cana. Last for the round, I guess it's me," Erza said. She thought for a while until a smile rose on her serious lips. "You've stolen someone's sweetroll."

"You have no right to arrest us based on that, you know," Natsu said as he took a drink, and so did Lucy and Cana. Erza was the first one to find a statement that applied for them all, and it was no surprise. Unguarded sweetrolls tended to wander into better mouths. The round now began again with Lucy's turn.

"You've killed someone," Lucy stated, and all three of them drank. It wasn't a surprise either. The Companions were often hired to clear out bandit hideouts or track down escaped criminals, and Natsu had a fair share of deaths on his account as well, an amount he couldn't count with his fingers.

As his turn came again, Natsu wondered what he should ask next. Though the claims weren't direct questions, they were more like digging up details that were either true or untrue, and the purpose of the whole game was to reveal them. But what did he want to get to know? Something deep or something trivial?

"You have tried sleeping tree sap," Natsu decided to say. Only Cana drink, to his relief. The kiss thing he could somehow get on Lucy's regard, but if she'd ever done drugs, that would've been totally different.

"You've thought about trying it," Cana said in return, eyes tightly locked on him. Natsu had to drink too.

"Only thought," he defended.

"It isn't as addictive as skooma, but still fun. I had it, my vision turned all purple and distorted and I was as slow as a drunken horker."

Natsu chuckled. Igneel had once found a strange bottle from a cave, and thought it was a healing potion. He had drunk half of it. As he started hallucinating and claiming Natsu's hair had become green, so it turned out the potion was sap from the mystical sleeping tree. Natsu had considered drinking the rest of the bottle, but as Igneel started screaming about the cave being full of bees, he decided not to. For the rest of the night, Igneel fought against imaginary bees, and Natsu laughed his ass off.

"Gods, I remember that. You started seeing horkers everywhere, even mistook our old Kodlad for one!" Erza laughed. "My turn now. You've trespassed in someone's house."

Everyone took a drink. Again, Cana drank so much that the mead flowed down on her chest. Despite that, she appeared completely sober, compared to Lucy who had no tolerance to strong drinks. Her eyes revealed she was getting fairly drunk, her gaze unfocused and blurry.

"You've… you've…" Lucy stuttered. Cana took a drink even before Lucy said anything. "You've watched someone dear to you die."

Natsu was the first to drink. He emptied the whole cup and poured himself another one. That wasn't a fun statement, not at all. Maybe Lucy wasn't a fun drunk, or hadn't reached the point yet? Sullenly, Erza took a drink, and Cana followed, even though she had already drunk her share. Her barrel was half empty now.

Natsu's turn came around again. He shrugged, completely out of ideas what to ask.

"You've been in a jail," he said then. Only Cana drank.

"I passed out in the marketplace and puked in the hunter's booth. Woke up in the jail the next morning. Erza had to buy me out."

"You don't have to explain every time you have to take a drink, you know," Erza told her.

"I know, but I want to," Cana smirked as it was her turn. She held tight on her barrel and studied them carefully. "Ha, now I know what to ask. You're still a virgin."

Natsu squeezed his fingers around his cup, feeling like a fool – he wasn't fully sure what the damn word meant. He had heard it being used to describe unmarried women, but he wasn't one. Lucy took a long drink, her cheeks flaming red. When she lowered her empty bottle to the table, her eyes shot at Natsu, who still hadn't sipped his drink.

"Natsu!?" Lucy nearly exclaimed, her brown eyes wide as moons. "You… You've what? Since… since when?"

"I don't even know what the damn word means!"

"It means you've never slept with anyone," Cana explained, and as Natsu's expression stayed just as confused, she clarified, "You know, fucked anyone. Have you lived in a barrel? You've got to know what that –"

"Yeah, I get it, I get it," Natsu answered quickly, embarrassment spreading hot in his neck. He buried his face into the mead cup and drank. "I'm not that ignorant."

"Thank goodness," he heard Lucy say.

"But how could that be?" Cana wondered when Natsu lifted his head again. "I've heard Bretons are true magicians everywhere: in the battlefield, in the kitchen, and most importantly, in the bed."

"By Sheogorath's beard…" he mumbled and covered his eyes with his hands. He did not want to have this conversation. "Well, I… I've never –"

Cana leaned forward with a strange smirk. "I could teach you to do it."

"I know how to do it," Natsu said, harsh enough to shut her up. The drunken 'representation' Igneel had once given him with his fingers was still painfully clear in his memory. Playing oblivious had just proved as a sure way to get out of an awkward situation. "I just don't want to. Never did and never will. Get it?"

Blood rushed to his cheeks. He wasn't nearly drunk enough to feel comfortable speaking about it, if there even was such a point. Damn, he didn't even know what to say. Igneel had always teased him about the subject, calling him a eunuch and that sort of a thing, saying he'd feel the need when he'd be older. He was older now, and still didn't feel it. And when he didn't think about it, it wasn't even a problem. At least to him. Just a way he was.

Natsu buried his face into his hands again as Lucy kept staring at him. Why did that Companion woman have to ask that? Sure, she seemed a very straightforward and open-minded person, but she could've at least stop talking to him like that. Especially with Lucy around, for having her witnessing all that turned him into the very definition of awkwardness. The last girl who tried to seduce him ended up dead – when would they learn to leave him be?

"That's strange of a man," Cana said, rubbing her chin. "You know, I've been with half of the men in Whiterun –"

Natsu shook his head. "I don't really care to know –"

"– and about all of them are like dogs. Dogs, I say!" Cana pointed at the twins. "Just like those two. They only fuck from the behind."

"Cana," Erza said, her brows furrowing, "don't say you've been with both Vilkas and Farkas."

"Not at the same time."

Lucy's face was as red as a tomato. "Then how do you not… not, like, have any… consequences, like you, results of a… a drunken night, as you called it," she mumbled.

"I get it. I only fuck boys when I'm bleeding," Cana explained. "The rest of the time I go for girls. It has worked so far, if you catch my meaning, ha!"

Natsu stared at them in silence, unable to get a single word out of his mouth. He began to consider joining the wolf twin's brawl instead of listening to this madness.

"So, keep that in mind, half-elf, if you ever change your mind," Cana told, drank from her barrel and turned towards the mage. "Don't be a dog."

Natsu scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Whose turn was it?"

"Mine, I think," Erza said. Natsu hoped she would change the subject. Anything was better than this. "Alright, so… Continuing with the theme, you've never been sweet on anyone."

Disappointed, Natsu drank, and so did Cana, to his surprise. Lucy hesitated a bit, but then she drank too. Maybe the word never had confused her.

"What about you, Erza?" Cana asked.

"The one who makes the statement doesn't have to answer to it. I don't make the rules."

"But I make, and now you do!"

Erza didn't drink, but whether it was the answer or just a decline to Cana's sudden change in rules, wasn't sure. Natsu thought it was the answer. She was engaged with the man from the Brotherhood, and that had to be more than being just sweet on someone. However, love was a thing even Igneel couldn't teach him anything about. As Igneel had said, 'getting his rocks off' every now and then had nothing to do with love.

While Natsu could somehow understand why people needed some comfort, the concept of an established courtship had always been bizarre to him. He only had his parents' marriage to reflect upon, but it had been closer to pity than love, more of a prison than a home. When the words had been spoken and the bond of matrimony formed, there was no breaking it, and that thought terrified Natsu.

Cana snickered at Erza's reaction. "There's a reason why the guards and old sellswords say 'I used to be an adventurer like you… then I took an arrow in the knee',"she said. "Because love, kids, will be the end of all fun. That's where the misery begins, and only a goblet of mead in front of the damn hearth will help with that."

It was the first thing he agreed with her so far. When Natsu had been younger, he had thought that maybe, just maybe he'd one day find a person who'd set up a spark within him. But the older he got, the more he understood that he'd never find that. How could he, when he wasn't even searching?

"But what if the adventures lose their charm one day?" Lucy commented after a long silence. "If you'd just want to go home and drink that mead in front of the hearth." '

"It happens to some," Erza answered. "Some of us get tired of the constant fighting and drinking and retire, start a family. Like Bisca and Alzack did. I've talked with them sometimes when I meet them at the market. Alzack always says that he misses the warrior's life sometimes, but every time he holds his daughter in his arms, he knows he made the right choice."

"If I ever start to babble something like that, you know I've caught brain rot," Cana said, twisting her face in disgust. "Gods, I hope such accidents won't happen to me. It was so tragic for Bisca. I miss having her as a shield-sister."

"It isn't like she's dead! She's the happiest she has ever been as a mother."

"… just w-what are you t-talking about?" Lucy stuttered.

"Two of our companions had a child, nothing more serious," Erza told. "Things like that tend to happen sometimes. The heat of the battle is the fire that forges the strongest blades."

"Were they… young?"

"About the same age as me. I was surprised it didn't happen earlier. They had been a thing for a while," Erza said and chuckled. "In fact, their daughter was born only five months after their wedding…"

Lucy stared at her mead, swaying from side to side on the bench. "I… Well, my parents always told me about this girl from our hometown. A blacksmith's daughter, a bit older than me. She… she had 'a thing' with the lumberjack's oldest son and… and she came to be with a child. When she found out, she threw herself into the river. Her family found her washed on the shore of Lake Ilinalta a week later." Lucy took a drink from her bottle. "And so, my parents warned me not to, you know… do that. That boy's little brother was my friend, but I never… I'd never…"

"The same story has been told in every town since the dawn of time to scare us from keeping some fun," Cana said and grinned. "My mother told the same thing to me. Her mother told the same thing to her, and look how much it helped."

Natsu gazed at Lucy as she suddenly began to talk so much, about things she had never told before. When it came to this subject, she was like him, too shy to speak about it. But with the uprising she had got, it was no wonder she turned out shy.

His mother had once given him a similar speech, and for him, it had been effective. The only thing he dreaded more than getting married was fathering a bastard. Igneel probably had a share of those running around Skyrim, as results of his drunken nights, but Natsu never wanted to find himself in that situation.

"But it really happened. I remember when the girl went missing," Lucy said. "I didn't know her, not personally, but I knew they would've… lived, survived, I don't know. It wasn't the child, but the town which made her drown herself. The things they said about her, how her life was ruined, how she had no dignity anymore. All kinds of nasty lies." Lucy took another drink. "Gods I'm glad I don't live in Helgen anymore."

"Well," Cana sighed and shrugged, "that's a pity. I know alchemists can brew potions to get you rid of the baby. Not that I've used them or anything."

"As that would work," Natsu said. "My mother ate nightshades to get rid of me. She nearly died and I came out with pink hair, that's all they did."

"So you're a bastard, too?" Cana asked, giving him a long look.

Natsu chuckled. "Just an accident. My brother used to call me 'Oops'. Shit happens, you know."

Cana broke into laughter. "I'll call you Oops from now on 'cause I already forgot your name. Usually, I forget it in the morning, but maybe if you're Oops from now on, then I'd remember it… Ha, maybe that's the first thing I'll say when I woke up next to ya. Oops!"

"Wait, what? When?"

"C-could you please stop honeying him?" said Lucy, staring at Cana with a worried look.

"Why?" she smirked, silenced for a moment. "Ah, now I get it. You have half a mind to go for him yourself!"

"No! Of course not, I…"

"I said there's no lying to me."

Natsu slammed his head on the table, hoping to sink through it. Why did he even open his mouth?

"But it's not true!" Lucy cried. "Besides, my parents had already betrothed me to a merchant's lastborn son from Falkreath. Never knew his name, or what he'd be like, even look like, but I always thought I had no… word, in that matter, so I…"

"Well, they ain't here now, so –"

"I know they aren't, for fuck's sake! But I still feel like if I even glance at a boy, my father will come and kill him!"

Natsu lifted his face and nearly shouted, "Goddamnit, whose turn was it in this stupid game?"

"Did we have a game going on?" Cana wondered.

"It was your idea!"

"Maybe it was my turn?" Lucy asked. "Or was it yours, Natsu?"

Natsu knew he couldn't take the foolish game anymore or he'd go insane. He thought for a moment, and then figured out an escape route. If his statement wouldn't apply to anyon, he'd be dropped from the game.

"You've flown on a dragon's back," he said.

Lucy's eyes widened. "What?"

"You heard right. Have you rode a dragon?"

"Ain't nobody ever done that!"

"Well, too bad."

Cana pointed her finger at him, with a deep frown on her forehead. "You did that on purpose!"

"I've had enough of this," Natsu defended fiercely and stood up. "I'm done! Have fun!"

"Milk drinker," Cana mumbled as he walked away.

Natsu was more than relieved to leave their company and head to the distant corner more silent and dark and comfortable. Natsu seated on a long bench that lined the wall, positioning his legs under a small table. He placed his left arm, the one still holding the cup, on the table while his right rested in his lap.

From there, he watched as Lucy said something to Cana, and soon they went outside, probably to visit a privy. Natsu hoped she didn't feel offended or left alone as he quit the drinking game, but he just had to retreat, otherwise his head would've exploded. But as he saw Erza following him, he wasn't sure he wouldn't blow up.

"Don't quite feel yourself at home in Jorrvaskr?" Erza asked and laid her armoured hand on his shoulder. Her touch made him flinch.

"Not quite," he sighed.

Erza stood beside the table, not seating herself down. "Maybe you aren't drunk enough. The reckless fire mage I met two years ago would never back down from a feast."

Natsu scoffed. "Is it always like this here?"

"Usually," Erza said. Her gaze travelled across the hall. "But this is my home, and this drunken lout is my family. We Companions have been many things across the pages of history. A conquering army. A band of ruthless mercenaries. And this esteemed group you see before you. But all this time we've held on the honour and glory of Ysgamor."

Natsu didn't say anything, but he thought it was a great thing to have. Of course, his fellow apprentices in the College were his family, but the bonds weren't as close as the Companions seemed to have. Igneel had been the only one he was able to call his brother, and sitting there without him made his heart twist in grief once again.

"I see you've changed your mind about joining the Stormcloak rebellion?" Erza asked suddenly.

Natsu stared at her for a while. It now felt so absurd he had ever even considered that. The Empire had taken Igneel away from him, but he finally knew that killing them wouldn't bring him back. "Yeah. Got more important things to do now."

"That's good to hear. The news are getting worse and worse every day. We fear that –"

A loud ruckus rose over Erza's voice. Lucy and Cana had returned, and cheers filled the air as the Companion held a wine bottle on Lucy's lips.

"Gods, I've got to make sure they don't kill each other," Erza whispered as she stood up, leaving their conversation unfinished as she left. "Cana! Don't pour wine down Lucy's throat!"

When Erza was gone, Natsu thought about Igneel again. All the noises rang in Natsu's head like a thousand bells, the cups and tankards clashing against one another while voices rose to join uplifting songs. While the mood of the others kept elevating, Natsu's did not.

Smoke from the fireplace in the middle of the hall filled the air, but he could still somehow see to Lucy. She laughed, she was enjoying her life for the first time since, who knew, forever? It was all that mattered now, yet Natsu still struggled to push the grief aside.

Maybe it, in the end, wasn't intended to be pushed aside, but embraced tight. Grief was all he had left of Igneel, and it wasn't ever going to change. No matter how he always hoped, Igneel wouldn't come back, suddenly appear on the door and flash him the smile he missed so fucking much.

Natsu lifted his cup and wiped his eyes into his sleeve. The damn smoke stung. He leaned his forehead against his wrist, gazed down at the table, studied the patterns of the wood's annual rings. Tears blurred his vision as he bit his lower lip, and wiped his glistening eyes again. He wouldn't allow himself to cry, not here, in the hall of honour and glory.

Had Erza been right, saying he wouldn't have turned down a party two years ago? Had he really changed so much in such a short time? There hadn't been a worry in his world back then, now there was nothing but worries. Erza might've called it maturing, but it was not. It was a series of misfortune, bad choices that now hung around his neck like an iron chain.

Sometimes he felt clearly how everything happened for a reason, how there was a greater fate behind all of this suffering, but at times like this, he just hoped life would stop beating him with its spiked mace. Master Arngeir had told him his role was no accident, but what else could it be than a twisted joke? Would it even be worth anything in the end, if he'd somehow make it through that far?

Natsu sighed, opened his eyes, and drank. The mead tasted bitter now, as if it had turned to sour vinegar. He lowered the cup to the table, unsure about how much time had passed since he had last glanced at them. Lucy now sat in Cana's lap, the Companion's arms tightly wrapped around her. One of the twins had found a lute somewhere and struck a few discord chords.

"I know I'm not a bard, but I'd play you one of the first songs I ever learned. The local favorite, Ragnar the Red!" the man announced and was replied with loud cheers.

Natsu rolled his eyes. If there was something worse than drunk Nords in the world, it had to be their drinking songs.

"Oh, there once was a hero named Ragnar the Red, who came riding to Whiterun from old Roriksteeead… And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade, as he told of bold battles and gold he had madeee…"

The rest of the Companions joined the song, and so did Lucy. Natsu hadn't ever heard her singing, only humming faint melodies every now and then. She had a bright voice, clear and sweet, unfit for those violent lyrics.

"But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red, when he met the shield-maiden Matilda, who said; "Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead, now I think it's high time that you lie down and bleeeeed!"

Natsu chuckled at himself when Lucy broke into laughter. Her sense of humour was sometimes very dark, but if it had always been so or had turned like that due to the late events of her life, Natsu didn't know.

After today, Natsu suddenly felt like he didn't even know her at all. But maybe he one day would. As the Nord proverb went, one didn't know a woman before having a strong drink and a fistfight with her. A strong drink he could have with her, but he'd let her win the fistfight. He wouldn't ever hit her, even in a playful brawl.

But then as his thoughts wandered from the song to fistfights, liquid dripped down Natsu's fingers. He turned his eyes back to the cup at his hands to see his mead spilled, the drink's surface following the sidewards momentum of a quick tug. It was only then when he felt a cold, sharp something pressed against his throat.

"Good evening, Natsu of Dragonbridge," whispered a familiar voice beside him, so close he could feel the warmth of breath on his cheek. "It's good to finally meet you, in, should I say… flesh and blood. I'd have a brief discussion with you, so please, listen very carefully now… your life might depend on it."

A strong arm had wrapped around him, locking him into a hold he couldn't escape from. It had happened too fast for him to grasp. His right hand was stuck beneath the table, as someone pressed themselves against his right side. Natsu glanced slightly towards them, and a strand of azure hair let him know who the man was.

At that moment he understood the cold, sharp thing against his throat was a dagger, hidden inside the long sleeves of the man.

"Then speak," Natsu answered quietly.

Natsu held his breath, turned his gaze back to the singing and dancing warriors. He looked at Lucy, who swung from side to side in the Companion's arms. She was smiling, laughing, and did not see him at all as the song continued, and came to an end.

"And so then came clashing and slashing of steel, as the brave lass Matilda charged in, full of zeaal… And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no mooooore, when his ugly red head rolled around on the floooor!"


A/N: I had to split this chapter in two parts. It was supposed to have three scenes, but as the first scene turned out as a 8k long monster, I thought it was better this way.

Lucy's wearing Aela's armour in this chapter. If you want to see how it's like, google "Skyrim Aela" to get an idea. I really wanted to give her that warrior look! And yes I love Vilkas and Farkas and had to bring them to this chapter too.

This author's note is probably going to turn into an essay but there's a few things I want to talk about. So yeah, this chapter was the closest to any sexual content so far in this story, and I think it was necessary to introduce these things about certain characters at this part of the story.

As this story is set in a world which is based on medieval-like period of time, I want that the development of relationships and relationships in general fit well into this world. There isn't much information about love in the game, because as a game it obviously lacks certain things, so I've had to fill the gaps by myself.

For example, there isn't really any contraceptives available in this world, and so sex is a big risk for young people, for many reasons. Women often died at childbirth, and even if they didn't, how could they feed and sustain the child if they had no homes/workplaces/stable relationship? I've thought that in this world parents often advise their children to wait until they're married before they have any courtship with the opposite gender. Natsu's parents, for example, were like that, but it isn't the reason why he doesn't show any interest in love, sex, and that kind of things.

In this story, Natsu's character definitely falls somewhere under asexuality umbrella. There will be more about this as the story goes on, but I'd label him as a demisexual who's very unexperienced and reluctant when it comes to romance. As it has been mentioned, he has had changes to have sex (case Fort Amol for example), but he has always declined it. He doesn't (at this point) feel attracted to anyone and has no sexual desire. He isn't fully oblivious to the concept though, as life with Igneel taught him a few things about that…

Lucy in the other hand never had the freedom to develop any romantic feelings to anyone. She was told she'd marry the man her father would choose for her, some merchant's lastborn son, and she wouldn't be able to choose her partner. Therefore, she learned not to fall in love, because it would be useless, for she couldn't marry the person she'd love anyway. Deep down Lucy is also incredibly shy.

And yeah putting these two together is going to be one hell of a journey but I hope you're in for a ride xD At this point of the story they've become important for each other, but Natsu thinks Lucy only wants him around because he's teaching her magic and keeping her safe, while Lucy thinks Natsu is only helping her because she's the Dragonborn. Neither of them view their friendship as completely unconditional, or are scared of the other one not thinking of it as so.

So that was about it for now, I hope I can get the rest of the chapter written fast! Thank you for reading and supporting! Let me know what you thought about this chapter :)