CHAPTER 29: HONOUR AND GLORY 2/2
'What in the Oblivion should I do?'
Staying perfectly still, Natsu held his breath, his gaze locked on the dancing and singing Companions on the other side of the hall. His frightened heart raced within his chest, nearly bursting through his ribcage. The blade grazed his throat, ready to slit it open if he made a single sudden movement.
"I know you know something you aren't supposed to know," the man said, his voice barely audible. Faintly, he pointed at Lucy. "I know she knows, too. And there is a slight… problem."
This man had to be Jellal, Natsu assumed. There was no one else it could be. Jellal from the Dark Brotherhood, a professional killer reeking of death and danger. Nothing like the novice cutthroats he had encountered before. Blood rushed in Natsu's ears as his stomach sunk to the bottom of his body, turning into stone.
'What in the damned fucking Oblivion should I do?' he wondered, over and over again, adding more curses each time. His world came to a complete stop as he realised what was going on. 'Erza must've told him. Erza must've told him I know about them. Damn!'
Natsu glared at the warrior woman with ire in his eyes. There was no doubt of it. By Sheogorath's beard, of course she'd told him! Why else would've Jellal been out there in the middle of Whiterun, in the guise of a scholar from Cyrodiil? Jellal had to know everything Natsu and Erza had talked about the morning before heading to Kynesgrove. Now he'd come to secure their little secret.
Rage began to simmer in Natsu's throat, nearly boiling over. He wanted to curse Erza Scarlet to the deepest pit of Oblivion, but then he realised Lucy hadn't been there. She'd been sleeping when they'd talked, and knew nothing about the disguise. Why would Jellal still claim she knew about it, too? Could it be about Aventus Aretino, then? Natsu bit his tongue, swallowing his fury. Before he was sure what Jellal was after, he couldn't react, or it would end badly.
Damn, it would end badly anyway, no matter what he did. Getting messed up with the Dark Brotherhood was one thing, but this time they had messed up twice.
"So…" he tried to speak, but the dagger brushed sharply against his skin, forcing him to lower his voice. "You mean –"
"Careful with your words now," Jellal whispered, louder now before his tone faded back to silence. "I know Erza told you about my… cock warts."
The mage's widened eyes shot to the man beside him. His jaw nearly fell to the floor from the utter surprise.
"… what!?"
Jellal chuckled dryly. "Don't play stupid with me. You know what I mean."
The mage pinched his brows until he grasped it. To conceal the real reason behind this dispute, Jellal spoke in a code. Of course. If Jorrvaskr's old maid saw everything, heard everything, and knew everything, it was better to use certain… euphemisms. 'Cock warts' appeared to mean his occupation as an assassin. Clever. Even if someone eavesdropped on them, they wouldn't realise a thing… or at least wouldn't want to listen for too long.
A small hope sparked in his despairing heart. There could be a way to solve this civilly. If he could talk his way out of this, he wouldn't end up bleeding. But damn, he wasn't so good at talking his way out of anything. Lucy would've handled it so much better, but she was rather… otherwise occupied.
"Then what's holding you back?" Natsu asked, deciding to play along. "If you can't let me live, why not kill me right here and now?"
"Because I wanted to talk to you first, from man to man." Jellal paused and cleared his throat. "You see, I could let you live, under certain… conditions. I'll try to make this quick. So, tell me – which one of you killed the chicken in Riverwood?
As Jellal gestured towards Lucy, Natsu understood what he meant. That's what Jellal wanted to know? The chicken meant the dragon, and Riverwood meant Kynesgrove. So, Erza hadn't told him who the Dragonborn was? Ironic of her to keep one promise while breaking another. Her honour was already tarnished.
"You're sure you want to have that discussion here?" Natsu questioned, as quietly as he could. He thanked the gods of alcohol for not being as drunk as he could be. Had he drunk wine or booze as he had in Fort Amol, he would've already fucked this up. Mead was merciful when it came to that matter. It made his mind slower, but not duller.
"It's not my first choice, you see, as you weren't quite… willing, for a private chat. This is good enough. The Companions don't listen to whispers," Jellal answered and cocked his head. A faint snap sounded from his neck. "Once again. Was it her, or was it you? Because if you don't tell me, I'm afraid you won't be walking out of this hall alive."
'Willing for a private chat?' Natsu didn't understand it. He bit his cheek, hard enough to taste blood in his mouth. 'But still, he wants to know who the Dragonborn is… and I must not tell him. There has to be a way to deceive him, but…'
Across the hall, Lucy sat laughing in Cana's lap. What they talked about, Natsu couldn't hear. The lute had now passed to the huntress woman, who played a melody to which there were no words. The twins brawled again and Cana poured more wine in Lucy's mouth, the red liquid spilling as she tried to hold back the giggling. So, that's what happened when a girl spent a month in the monastery?
'Damn it, Lucy', Natsu thought. He watched as Cana pulled back the bottle and pressed a drunken kiss on Lucy's chin, licking off the spilt wine. 'I need a little help here…'
Natsu sighed. No matter what, he wouldn't sell her out to this creep. They had all agreed on it. She'd be in grave danger if the information would spread. Besides, the question had nothing to do with Jellal's so-called dragon research. If it had, he could ask directly from Lucy. Something was wrong, and Natsu did not like it in the slightest.
"Why do you want to know?" he asked then, frustration growing in his voice. "I can't trust that –"
"Knowledge for knowledge," Jellal interrupted. "I can't trust you if you don't give me something in return."
Natsu began to tremble in rage he desperately tried to keep at bay. Trapping him like this wasn't just humiliating, it was unfair. He couldn't do anything except speak. His every spell took a second to charge, and one second was too much now. He couldn't kick him off, he couldn't punch him to the face, not even knock him with his head, for he knew the smallest movement would trigger the blade held on his throat.
"This ain't fair," Natsu hissed and gazed at Erza. "That beast told me about your 'cock warts', so kill her, not me."
Jellal silenced as his gaze lingered on the warrior woman. A strange fire flickered in his eyes, a fire which Natsu hadn't seen before. Like possession mixed with obsession, the assassin looked at Erza like there wasn't anyone else in the world at that moment.
"You still don't quite understand, don't you?" he whispered then with a choked laugh. "That would be… unspeakable. She might've made a mistake, yes, but I've forgiven all of her mistakes. I always will. Now I'm just… cleaning up the mess."
A drop of cold sweat rolled down on his forehead. For the briefest moment, Natsu searched for the glass dagger once secured on his belt, but it wasn't there. He cursed under his breath. His only escape was still stuck in the eyes of the frost troll guarding the seven thousand steps.
"Then spare some of that forgiveness to me, too," Natsu whispered.
"Yes, I will, after you tell me who killed the chicken in Riverwood."
"How would you know I'm not lying? Get that butterknife off my goddamn throat and then we can talk. A man would say anything when held on a blade."
"Not yet," Jellal stated coldly. His hold around him persisted. "After we've talked, when I've decided if you're worth not slitting your throat with this butterknife."
Natsu grit his teeth. "You wouldn't do it in a hall full of people, you fucking idiot. All I need to do is scream, and your little cover would be all blown up."
"Wouldn't I? Ever tried screaming through an opened windpipe? That would be quite a whistle. Too bad, no one would hear it. A smart man would know not to do anything stupid when held on a blade," the assassin spoke, the rhythm of his words calm and calculated. "You're testing my patience, my dear. One last time: is it her, or is it you?"
Suddenly, Natsu understood that it would be so easy for this man to just pull him off the bench, slit his throat and leave him to bleed out under the table. No one would notice. And after he'd be dead and done, Jellal would do the same for Lucy, once she'd be released from the Companion's tight hold. Just as easily, Jellal would claim to escort Lucy to the inn, stab her through the neck in the night, and toss her body to the sewers.
Natsu's thoughts ran back to the early morning he escaped Embershard mine with Lucy. He had forgotten all about Erza Scarlet until she emerged from the forest to the road, ruthlessly putting wolves to her sword. And as she had threatened to arrest him, his grief-ridden mind had remembered the thing Erza had accidentally slipped two years ago. It had been his only defence then, how could've he known it would lead to this?
As a matter of fact, back then he wouldn't have believed anything would ever lead him to where he was now. Damn, he shouldn't have threatened to tell the jarl about her connection to the Dark Brotherhood. Jellal must've heard about that, too. To the assassin, Natsu was just a threat to be eliminated.
"Alright," Natsu hissed. "I get it, you're pissed, but it's still not my fault! I promise I won't tell anyone." He gazed at Lucy again. "And she probably doesn't even remember it. Is that enough?"
"You're not very good at this, aren't you?" Jellal asked. "What would be your reason to keep that promise?"
Abashed, Natsu couldn't say anything. He would never tell anyone, ever again, but how could he make him believe it? His reasons weren't good enough for a member of the Brotherhood. Yes, he'd keep the promise because he didn't want to die, but it would be just a joke in an assassin's books. He had probably heard that line too many times before. When faced with a Brotherhood's blade, nobody wanted to die.
Jellal needed knowledge, as heavy and crucial as the one Natsu had. Something to hold his tongue forever in chains, something to make them square. Only then he could live. He had no choice but to tell, yet he still refused to accept it.
What had he even expected when he thought he'd have no consequences about this matter? He should've known it the moment he saw the disguised assassin in the plaza that he'd be in big trouble. Most importantly, he shouldn't have let his guard down. Right now, sitting there trapped with a dagger held on his throat, he felt like the stupidest man in the whole world.
"Let's play out a little scenario, shall we?" Jellal whispered as Natsu stayed quiet. "If you'd happen to break that promise, bad things will happen to me and my partner. People with cock warts have been hunted down lately, and so we wouldn't be around anymore to make you pay. It's quite a huge risk, if you understand, a risk I'm not willing to take without a good reason. If you happened to be just some commonfolk, then I would've already exposed of you. But I've had this doubt, this feeling in my gut that one of you is rather… important."
Cold shivers ran down Natsu's spine, making him shudder from disgust. He remained silent, fearing what he'd say next.
"Have you heard of the chicken cults? Those who still worship the chickens as gods?"
Natsu didn't like at all where it was going, as his insides kept on twisting. "Not really. I just know they exist."
"A very ancient order. Even as we speak, they're searching for the one who's destined to kill the chickens. They just don't know who they're searching for." A wicked grin roused on Jellal's lips. "They'd be more than happy to be told who that one is."
In utter silence, Natsu stared at Lucy, who was now absorbed into a heated embrace with Cana. Suddenly he felt so cold, abandoned. Why couldn't she just look for him? All she'd need to do was to notice him, and Jellal would go away – the assassin's plan worked only until someone saw them. But Lucy didn't, and probably wouldn't. And even if she did, it would just look like someone had caught him in a brotherly hug from the side, when in reality, it couldn't be further away from that.
Everything in him wanted to break away from the humiliating hold, and strangle the assassin to death. Mentioning the dragon cult was too much. It was the very reason they had decided to keep her identity a secret. If the cultists would get their hands on her, the whole world would be doomed.
"Let's imagine it would be her," Jellal started and eyed at Lucy with a sinister sparkle in his dark eyes. "Let's also imagine what happens if you ever tell anyone about me again."
Natsu squeezed his fingers into fists to suffocate the sparking flames. Jellal was so dangerously close to the truth that Natsu didn't know how to escape it anymore. He closed his eyes and breathed in, realising what Jellal tried to achieve.
The morning before Kynesgrove, Natsu had asked Erza what would happen if anyone found out about them. She'd told the Jarl's men would torture the Sanctuary's location out of her, and then execute her for treason. Back then, Natsu had even sympathised with them. Little he knew about courtship, but he'd thought it would be miserable not to see the one you cared about. Now he despised himself for giving them a single crumb of empathy. None of them deserved any of it.
"I'd give her name, outlooks, and habits to the chicken cultists," Jellal spoke slowly, as if he enjoyed it, savouring each word. "They'd hunt her down, no matter where she tries to hide. They'd capture her, no matter how she tries to defend. They'd break her apart, no matter how she tries to fight. Then they'd kill her, no matter how you try to prevent it." He paused for a breath. "Because for my special wish, you'll have to witness that before they kill you too. It would be excellent revenge, wouldn't it?"
Blankly, Natsu stared at Lucy. Even still, she did not see him. She did not know at all what was going on. The red-haired huntress now played a sweet ballad while Cana kept drowning Lucy in drunken kisses. She giggled between them, merrily embracing another one. Natsu hadn't ever seen her so happy.
'He wouldn't do that. He's just threatening me, he wants to frighten me into silence…' Natsu tried to assure himself, failing. He was frightened. 'She's too valuable to be wasted like that. She's innocent of this. The world depends on her, and he wouldn't be so selfish to ruin it all for the sake of his own… right?'
"You still need some convincing?" Jellal continued and chuckled, perhaps noticing how long he had looked at Lucy. "You see, she's a pretty lass, perfect for the cultists to destroy. I've heard legends about their torture methods. They're rather… creative when it comes to causing pain and suffering. Who knows how long they'd enjoy turning her inside out? Weeks, or months? She would no longer smile, no longer laugh, ever again –"
Shivering, Natsu forced his eyes shut, trying to banish the brutal image from his mind. Jellal's venomous words painted a clear picture, so vivid he could see the blood, hear her screams… and he couldn't bear it. Not as a thought, not in reality, for just envisioning it was enough to rip him apart.
"You bastard lay one bloody finger on her," Natsu blazed, low and monotonous, "and I'll burn you until there's nothing left but ashes."
Even though his anger was enough to freeze him, he meant every word he said. It was sickening. Utterly sickening. He wouldn't let anyone hurt her, at whatever cost. Be it a dragon cultist or an assassin, he'd burn them all if they'd even dare to scratch her. Excellent revenge, as Jellal had called it. He'd sworn to protect her, and he intended to keep that promise.
Jellal only chuckled as a reply. "You like to protect your world, same as me. I'll think we'll come into an… understanding. It's her, isn't it?"
Suddenly, Natsu's blood turned cold. His anger twisted into immeasurable regret when he realized Jellal had wanted to know which one of them was important. Now he knew. Because if she wasn't, he wouldn't have reacted like that. He wouldn't have reacted at all.
He had offered the Dragonborn's identity to him on a silver plate.
"You wouldn't do that," Natsu muttered, voice trembling. "You wouldn't, because –"
"– she's the one to save us all?" Jellal finished for him. "You see, at that point, I'll have no need for the world anymore. Let it end and be reborn all the same. Mine would be already over."
Glumly, the mage lowered his gaze in shame and frustration. It was pointless to fight anymore. The damage was already done. "Yes, you son of a bitch. It's her," he muttered, despondent. "What do you want now?"
A mischievous grin flashed on Jellal's face. "Your part of the bargain is to keep your mouth shut. You keep my secret safe, and I'll keep yours. Do you agree to that?"
"Yes."
"Smart man," Jellal chuckled. "It's a deal, then. We are partners now in a pledge of silence. Actually, we could work together, if you'd like to hear my suggestion."
The assassin's words echoed in Natsu's head as he drowned deeper into guilt. The other voices around him faded, leaving behind the paralyzing self-hatred which pointed its finger at him, calling him a liar, a traitor, a defiler. Through tears blurring his vision, he looked at Lucy, feeling like he could never talk to her again after this.
He had sworn to protect her. Damn, in the name of his deceased best friend, he had sworn to protect her until he'd leave this world, and now he'd sold her out like she was nothing. And for what? Just to save his own skin? He tried to assure himself he had no choice, but in the end, there was always a choice. He just hadn't taken it.
"Can you let go of me now?" the mage asked silently.
Jellal nodded. "Of course," he answered and released him.
Natsu emptied his lungs with a long sigh, finally able to breathe properly. He lifted his hand to his neck, and few drops of blood stained his fingers. Jellal hid his blade back into his sleeve. Just a moment ago he hadn't been able to make sense of the words the others spoke, but now the sounds of the feast carried to the mage again. As if he had been under the water and then surfaced, gasping for air.
"Before we begin our partnership," Jellal began, cocking his head again. "I'd like to know why my first plan to talk with you failed. What did I miscalculate?"
Furrowing his brows, Natsu turned to the assassin. "Which plan?" he asked.
Now was the first time he saw his face fully. Jellal seemed older than him, maybe around the same age as his brother. A strange tattoo adorned his right eye, his sharp chin was shaved clean and the skin pale from the lack of sunlight.
"Ah, my first plan wasn't such a great success indeed. I thought I'd… friendly invite you into a, well, how should I put this… into a safe vault where I'd keep you until I would've figured out what to do with you," Jellal answered and pointed at his shoulder. "She didn't even miss an arrow. How did you make it?"
With blankness filling his mind, Natsu stared at his mead cup. The reflections of the torches on the wall shone on the liquid's surface, dancing as he swirled it nervously in his hold. So, the attacker in the woods had nothing to do with Aventus Aretino? Had Jellal hired the girl to capture them? Natsu swallowed. He had blamed Lucy for nothing – it had been all his fault in the end.
If it was true, then Jellal must've found the girl's remains. But how did he know the arrow had hit his shoulder? Natsu's eyes widened as he remembered the strange feeling he had in the inn at Windhelm, when he'd stripped his blood-stained cloak. 'Gods, that's just a scratch to you?' had Lucy asked as she'd seen his wound. The figure hiding in the shades must've been Jellal.
"The poison didn't work on me," Natsu mumbled, apathy conquering his voice.
"Well, wouldn't have guessed that. Damn. Elsen was a good girl. But so was your knifework," Jellal chuckled, a twisted grin on his lips. "But, things turned out well enough in the end, didn't they?"
So, Elsen had been the girl's name? Natsu's chest hollowed the same way it had done when he had killed her. He had never known the names of those he killed, and knowing it now brought back all the guilt he had managed to push aside. She had been a person, not a nameless object. Her friends, Felrys and the others, were still searching for her and waiting for her at home, but she'd never come back. She now lay on the forest floor as a laden table for the vultures to feast on, all thanks to him.
'No, all thanks to you,' Natsu thought as he stared at the assassin from under his brows. He had stayed up so many nights and dwelled in so much guilt and fear he nearly lost his mind. And why? Everything had been because of this immeasurably stupid, worthless thing. When he looked at Jellal, he felt so enraged he could crush a giant's head as easily as if it was only a bug. And yet, he couldn't do anything. Not a single thing.
"Can't tell yet," he said, swallowing his bitterness.
"You should know that I am not your enemy. As I said, we could work together now, thanks to the information you've given me," Jellal answered. "I've got a place in the Jarl's service. I can provide you with everything you need on your next mission. I have an idea I'll hone a bit more today, and I'll introduce it to you tomorrow in the council."
Natsu turned his head and looked Jellal into the eyes, repulsed by the thought that the bastard had forced him into an alliance. Just because he'd taken off the blade didn't mean Natsu trusted in him. The man was a threat, as a great fireball on the verge of exploding. He could double-cross him anytime if he just felt like it – how could he ever trust he wouldn't?
"You aren't going to tell the Jarl about her?" Natsu asked silently.
"Of course not. But in order to help you, I need to know where you're headed next."
Natsu hesitated for a moment, but then realized he had nothing left to lose. The worst had happened already when revealed Lucy's identity to him. "To Ustengrav," he said sullenly. "Why'd you want to help us anyway?"
Jellal smirked. "You know, I've been researching into the… chickens for a good while. When it comes to defeating them, she is the missing piece. The key. Though our reasons might be different, we have the same goal. To save the world."
The sudden change in the man's endeavour shocked the mage. A moment ago he had threatened to kill him, and now he pretended they were some great heroes? Natsu frowned, looking as Jellal gazed at Erza across the hall.
Natsu chuckled. "So you're up to save the world, you piece of shit? Why?"
"Because Erza is terrified of them. Has always been. That's why. I'm going to give her a world where there are no chickens, and that's why I need you… or her," Jellal eyed at Lucy again. "But it seems you come as a part of the package."
Just as Natsu had initially thought, Jellal didn't come to him asking who the Dragonborn was. He'd come here to extort him, and only used Lucy as a plaything. The knowledge was just a side-product he had gained.
"From now on, you are just survivors from Helgen seeking to avenge the family and friends you lost," Jellal kept explaining as Natsu sat in catatonic silence. "I'll give you a place in our research team from which you can operate safely and well-equipped. Especially after what happened in Rorikstead, the Jarl is more than eager to have all the help he can get."
Hearing Rorikstead made his heart skip a beat. They'd mentioned it earlier today, but never spoken more about it.
"What happened there?" Natsu asked.
"A dragon attacked the village."
Natsu's eyes shot to the assassin again. He struggled to believe it, but no lies resonated in the man's voice. Could it be true? Had it been the same dragon that destroyed Helgen, or another one? Natsu's heart twisted at the thought of others having to suffer the same terrors he had gone through with Lucy. The return of the dragons was inevitable, it seemed, and thinking they wouldn't attack more settlements was just false hope.
He had wondered what had happened meanwhile they were stuck in High Hrothgar, and now he knew. Even his worst fears didn't compare to this.
His lips parted, but he couldn't say anything except mumble a silent curse. "… shit."
"There was only one survivor. An older man came to Whiterun to tell about it, but then he… came to a very desperate decision," Jellal said and paused. "He threw himself from the Dragonsreach's balcony. But considering what he had to witness, it was more than… understandable."
Natsu was taken over by complete silence, as a small moment to spare for those who'd lost their lives. Another village blazed in dragonfire, a beginning of an end. If they just hadn't been in the monastery for so long…
"You'll hear more about that tomorrow. I've got to go now," Jellal said and rose from the table. "Pleasure to meet you, Natsu of Dragonbridge. I'm looking forward to working with you."
Still shocked about the news from Rorikstead, Natsu stared at his mead cup and sighed. When he lifted his head again, the assassin had already disappeared. Relieved that he was gone, he brought the cup to his lips and drank to the last drop. Then he smashed the cup to the table, cracks appearing to the wood. His fingers squeezed around the handle as he resisted the urge to smash it again, and again, and again, until the whole table would've been turned into smithereens.
Everything, simply everything was going to ruin.
He didn't know if he was more enraged at Jellal or himself. He wanted to run after the assassin and strangle him, in front of all these people, not caring at all what they'd think or say. At the same time, he wanted to jump into a well and stay there forever. How could he face Lucy now? Could he even tell her about what he had done? He had to tell her about Rorikstead, too, but would she take the news without shattering?
"Scarlet," said someone across the distance. Natsu lifted his head, and saw Jellal standing at the doors of the hall. "Important information regarding tomorrow's council. Meet me immediately in your quarters."
When, or how, had he gone there? Could he turn invisible or go through the walls? He walked around like a shade, a ghost lingering in the evening dusk, and suddenly Natsu understood what the man's divine blessing was. His gift was to move unseen and unheard, even hide in a plain slight – and for an assassin, such a gift was beyond perfect.
"It's a bit too obvious you're going to fucking," Cana declared, and Natsu could see her perverted grin from afar.
"That's most inappropriate, Cana," Erza answered strictly. "We're involved in serious research here. So please, I must be excused."
Jellal only chuckled and walked in. His steps made absolutely no noise. He was tall and slender, delicate in his movement as he guided Erza towards the stairway. He tried to place his hand on her back, but she slapped it away, giving him a fierce stare which only made him smirk.
Natsu looked down again. If those two were so obvious and open about their courtship, the truth was doomed to be revealed sooner or later. Would Jellal blame Natsu then, and take his revenge on him? The thought only strengthened the urge to murder him right ahead. Would it take care of the problem or breed a dozen more? Natsu didn't know anything anymore.
"Who would've thought Erza would find herself a scholar?" Cana wondered loudly when the two had gone downstairs. "There's plenty of strong, free warriors in Jorrvaskr."
"M-maybe sheees fonder of teh mind, or… or brainsh i-instead of… mussle?" Lucy asked.
Natsu hadn't heard her voice in a while. The wine had made her slur helplessly. It would've been funny if the situation hadn't turned into this. Compared to her, Cana spoke clearly as if she was perfectly sober, which Natsu doubted. The Companion had also had a fair share of drink too, and it showed through the way she talked, and what she talked about.
"You feel the energy he resonates, how he walks around knowing he's got the biggest cock in town?" Cana jested, grinning again. "Erza's only fond of that. Yeah, yeah, they say it's only professional manner, but damn, Erza must've been like 'By the Gods, what is that thing? Could the legends of the giant willy be true!?' when she first saw him naked."
Suddenly, Cana stood up and placed Lucy on the chair they'd been sitting at. Then she climbed up on the table in front of Lucy, spread her arms, fingers pointing to her groin. "It's the end times! The end times have come!"
Lucy broke into a burst of laughter and welcomed Cana into a warm hug as she jumped down from the table. Even Natsu had to chuckle. It seemed Jellal, or 'Mystogan' as the others knew him as, only had that cock for brains. There was no other way he could be that stupid. At least now Natsu knew what couples did. They risked everything and selfishly ruined the lives of everyone around them only for the chance to… well, he didn't want to know the details of what was going on in their bedchamber.
"Why else would he be like," Cana grabbed Lucy from the bare thighs as she lifted her into her arms, "Come on, Scarlet, we've got some serious research to do! In the bed!"
As Lucy kept laughing, Cana pulled her into another kiss. She did not resist. Lucy wrapped her arms around Cana's neck, whose hands now groped her chest, and Natsu didn't want to see more. He shielded his face with his hands, wondering if that was what Cana meant when she said she didn't want to experience just half of the world. At least she took each opportunity she got and enjoyed it to the fullest, that Natsu did not doubt, but Lucy? He had not expected her to be like that, too. Not that it mattered to him anyway.
Natsu rested his aching forehead into his hand and stared at the table. Lucy's drunken preferences weren't his concern, so he tried to forget what he just saw, and think for a solution to bigger problems at hand. He had to tell Lucy, but how? How could he ever tell her what he had done? His headache grew the more he thought, to the point where he only wanted to slam his head through the table.
"Erza has been lonely. You've claimed half of our men for yourself, Cana," said someone. Natsu couldn't connect her voice to the name, but he lowered his hands from his eyes. Observing the feast wouldn't make his mistake go away, but he knew couldn't figure it out now. He had to sleep over it, and then decide what to do.
"We all know Erza's one true love is the strawberry cake Tilma bakes," Cana replied. Lucy rested her head on the Companion's chest, looking like she'd fall asleep any moment. Cana sipped from the wine bottle and offered it to Lucy, but she didn't even notice. "Remember when Vilkas dropped her cake slice and Farkas stepped on it? She gave them both an extra beating!"
The whole hall roared in laughter.
"Erza is just too smart for our brutes," the red-haired huntress stated. "Even you, Vilkas, even though they say you've got the smarts of Ysgamor."
"And I have his strength!" responded Farkas as he finally threw his brother to the ground. Their brawl came to a conclusion, claiming him as a winner. "For the final damn time, we're keeping the whelp!"
"There's no way in the world we'd keep him!" Vilkas shouted from the floor and wiped the blood dripping from his nose. "He's a mage, Farkas, not a warrior!"
"A man who wins Erza in a brawl is a warrior!"
Natsu gulped. They were talking about him. He shielded his face with his hands again, hoping they wouldn't see him. Right now, he didn't want to be included in the feast. Not anymore.
Vilkas shook his head as he struggled to get standing. "That had to be a lie! No-one has won against Erza, ever!"
"Ya meen Natshu?" Lucy suddenly asked, lifting her head from Cana's lap. "A-actually, I… I was theer wen… t-they brawled, and he reelly won."
"See? He's strong!" Farkas declared to his brother. "He should be a Companion! I'd speak for him, as a shield-brother!"
"Gods, stop it already –"
"I'd stand to witness to the courage of a soul before us!" Farkas began fiercely. He lifted a mead cup to the air and continued, his shout echoing on the wooden walls. "I'd raise my shield in his defence and stand at his back, so that the world would never overtake us! My sword stands ready to meet the blood of his foes! I'd raise a mug to his name, lead the song of triumph as our mead hall revels in his stories!"
Natsu pressed face into his hands and shook his head, trying so hard not to cry. He wasn't a victim now. Lucy had trusted in him, yet he had broken it in the worst possible way. He could've as well given her identity to the cultists himself. And as the Companions kept praising him for winning some stupid brawl, Natsu felt himself sinking to the smallest he had ever been.
"… where is he even?" Vilkas asked, gazing around. "See, you scared him away, Farkas."
"D-did he leeev?" Lucy wondered aloud. Her speech was barely understandable. "Natshu? Wheer did ya goooo?"
A bit too late, Lucy searched around, soon spotting him in the corner of the hall. He cursed silently, wiped his eyes to his sleeve and raised his head.
"Theeeerh he ish!" she exclaimed and pointed at him. A wide smile lightened her face, but her eyes were lost in fog as they met his. "Natshu! Come here!"
Natsu sighed as his hiding place was now exposed. He would've wanted to stay in his corner for a moment longer. Maybe forever. He left the mead cup on the table and stood up, his legs numb as he walked to Lucy. She rested her head on Cana's chest again, humming silently when Natsu stopped near them.
"Alright, what's going on?" Natsu asked when he arrived. Keeping his voice regular was a struggle. He avoided the gazes of the other Companions. It embarrassed him to death now that they all knew he had won Erza in a brawl – Lucy had forgotten to mention that the warrior didn't have her armour on that time. Even Natsu had to admit that he wouldn't have stood a chance if she'd been all clad in steel plates.
"Farkas wants you to join the Companions," Cana answered and pointed at the wolf twin, winking.
"What the…" the mage sighed, nervously glancing at Farkas, who smirked at him. "I already said, I'm not –"
Farkas interrupted him fiercely. "Fight me, new blood!"
Natsu turned his eyes to his feet. Maybe once before, he would've picked up a quarrel with the Companion, but now he had learned to choose his battles. This one would end badly. He couldn't afford to find himself beaten to death's door tonight when he was still struggling in the aftermath of his former bad choices.
"No thanks…" he muttered. From the corner of his eye, he saw how the Companion crossed his arms on his armoured chest.
"Hhmp," Farkas snorted. "Sucks for you."
Natsu scratched the back of his head. Farkas stared at him for a moment before heading back to the feast table. The Companion took a whole roasted goat's leg from the pan and sat down to devour it, and Natsu wanted to puke. He had thought College used to be weird sometimes, but this place took it on a whole new level.
Everything was simply too much.
"Join us instead!" Cana suggested loudly, beckoning at him. She pressed her face against Lucy's cheeks and smiled. "Get two for one today."
Natsu shook his head. "Not gonna happen."
"C'mon, it would be fun. Let loose and enjoy life for once. We're all gonna die anyway soon."
Natsu eyed the woman, who kissed Lucy again. While Cana seemed to welcome the end of the world, Natsu didn't share the same mindset. And even if he did, that wasn't the way he'd spend his last days. Life was short in Skyrim indeed, but it didn't need to be messy. He got enough worries to last for the rest of his days anyway.
"Hurry up, you're gonna regret it if –"
"Come on, Lucy, let's go," Natsu announced abruptly and grabbed Lucy's wrist. He tugged her out of Cana's arms, the girl fumbling to maintain her balance on the floor. "We're leaving."
"Wheeer?" she asked, eyes open wide as she clutched into his sleeve.
"To The Bannered Mare," Natsu answered and gestured towards the doors. "We'll both get our arses raped if we stay here tonight."
Lucy blinked many times. She didn't seem to understand what he meant. They had originally meant to stay in Jorrvaskr for the night, but the longer they'd been there, the more Natsu felt like it would be a terrible idea. Especially for Lucy. She had had way too much to drink, and barely knew where she was or what she was doing. Perhaps she still thought she was in the monastery. Natsu wouldn't let anyone take advantage of that.
Besides, Natsu would never stay under the same roof with an assassin from the Dark Brotherhood.
"Yeah, I can totally see through you guys," Cana told with bitterness in her voice. "It's soooo obvious that you're going to –"
"Shut up, for fuck's sake," the mage grunted at her. As a quick defence, he pointed at his robes. "I'm a monk, you see? A sworn brother. I wouldn't do that."
Cana seemed to believe his lie, as she failed to give anything back to him. Probably she didn't remember anything they'd talked about earlier. Still, a sour expression stayed on her face as he dragged Lucy away.
"Can you walk?" Natsu asked her when he let go of her arm.
"Suuuuure," Lucy answered as she followed him, her steps swaying and tangled. "W-wait, wheeer did I leave m-my t-things?"
"In Erza's quarters," Cana answered. "Maybe better not to go there now. She can bring them to you tomorrow."
Natsu snorted. "Indeed."
Lucy stared at both of them blankly, but then nodded. She kept nodding far longer than she needed to. Natsu headed to pick up his backpack in the rack by the doors, and meanwhile, Lucy tumbled on the stairs. Reluctantly, and painfully aware of Cana's stare on them, Natsu helped Lucy on her feet again and walked her to the door.
Natsu took his travelling cloak from the rack he had left it, held it for a moment as he looked at Lucy's rather not-warming outfit. She always complained about the cold. Knowing she'd freeze herself out there, Natsu placed the cloak on her shoulders instead and tied the harness so it wouldn't fall.
Sighing, he turned to take one last glance on the mead hall. He considered saying a word of thanks for the food and the drink, but no one except Cana paid any attention to them anyway. He nodded to her before grabbing the doorknobs and pushing open the heavy wooden doors.
"Thanksh for teh feestht!" Lucy hollered as Natsu nudged her outside. "I had veeery… veery… musch fun!"
As they stepped into the cold night air, Natsu felt a sense of relief. The hall had been filled with the stench of smoke, mead, and sweat. He raised his eyes to the bright, starlight sky and listened for a moment as the feast carried on behind the closed doors. Perhaps never had he been so glad to leave a party behind, even though the night was as cold as a grave.
Natsu somehow knew where to head. It had been a while since he'd been to Whiterun, but he remembered the inn was near the marketplace. After he'd set forth, Lucy took fumbling steps forward. The ground was slick with gathered moisture, and she fell again on the stones beneath her. She whimpered, rubbing her feet through the leather boots.
"Natshuuu, my ankhlesh hurt agen…" she whined and gazed at him, a strange plea in her black-painted eyes. "C-could ya –"
"No," Natsu answered straight ahead. He already knew what she'd ask. "Sorry. Not now."
She sniffled and got up with absolutely no problem at all, just as he had guessed. "O-okay…"
Natsu flinched as Lucy then grabbed his sleeve for support as she headed to the stairs. Though at that moment he barely tolerated being touched, he let her hold onto his arm. It was still better than have her plunge down the stairway to the plaza.
As they went in the night, Lucy kept talking without a moment's pause. Natsu couldn't understand half of it, but he had to chuckle as she began to hum some senseless songs. They didn't make his distraught thoughts vanish, but offered enough distraction for him to not fully plummet into despair.
"I'm sooo hungry… need a shweetroll… or a carrot… tra la la, tra la lee, da da dum dum, dee dee..."
Reaching the sacred tree in the middle of the plaza, Lucy suddenly stopped. She lifted her face to see the branches spreading across the night sky. The stars and the moons sparkled in her dark eyes, and suddenly she went so silent. Natsu looked at her as her face grew paler, sicker almost. She swayed, closed her eyes and lowered her head.
"I…. I-I'm gonna…"
She couldn't say anything else as she bent forward. Swiftly, Natsu caught her hair as she threw up with force. Bloodred liquid mixed with bile now flowed down the trunk of the sacred tree. Natsu's chest tightened in fear of it being blood, but then he remembered the wine she had drunk. It had been red as well.
"Better now?" Natsu asked her as she kept gagging and coughing.
Lucy nodded repeatedly and then wiped her mouth to her arm bracers. "S-shorry…"
Natsu tried to pull her back up, but she stayed like that for a moment. Taking support from her knees, she vomited again. Cringing, Natsu snorted and looked up, still holding her hair. Torchlight glowed in the darkness, creeping closer as the night guard patrolled the streets. They'd better get going before anyone would notice them dishonouring Gildergreen.
"Hurry up," Natsu urged her, gently tugging her shoulder. Nervously, he glanced at the guard closing in. "We, uhm… we better get going."
Lucy trembled from head to toes as she lifted her head. She gazed around, but didn't seem to understand where she was.
"It's… It's dark…" she began silently as panic grew in her voice. "Natshu! I… I can't shee! I've… I've come blind!"
Natsu held back a laugh. "Lucy, it's… It's just night. Come on, let's head to the inn."
"But I'm blind!"
"No, you're completely wasted," he sighed, grabbed her arm and guided her towards the gate which led to the lower district of the city. "Don't worry. It will wear up soon."
The guard passed them by and greeted them with a slight nod. His glare persisted them for a moment, making sure they caused no commotion. Natsu was relieved when the guard went away, and hoped he wouldn't go investigate what happened to the tree…
Even though the evening had been disastrous for him, being alone with Lucy again wasn't so bad. He didn't pity her shape – he'd been there too, and much worse than that. As she was exploring the life out of Helgen's walls, this was inevitable to happen, but Natsu hoped she wouldn't make a habit out of that. Maybe next morning would teach her the lesson.
Lucy didn't speak anymore as they walked through the empty marketplace. Her steps were weak, powerless as he dragged her along in the night. Fires burned near the inn's entrance, welcoming weary travellers and drunken citizens. Not a soul seemed to be awake at this wee hour. If someone was, they'd be in the Bannered Mare, and those were the ones who drank until it was dawn.
The doors of the inn were open, as they always were. Natsu embraced the warmth in his freezing bones. A firepit was placed in the middle of the hall, and a few patrons still drank their meads around the flames. Natsu helped Lucy over the threshold and closed the door behind him. Heads turned towards them as they appeared, but turned away as fast.
"Alright, so…" Natsu started and put Lucy into a chair. Her head fell to the table, and her eyes slipped closed. "I'll go rent us a room, so you just… you just wait here, okay?"
As Lucy didn't answer, Natsu headed to the counter. He flinched as he saw the innkeeper. She was the same lady who had ran the inn when he had last been there. The very same one who gave him a good beating for stealing the Argonian Ale.
The lady glared at him, her expression twisting from confusion into anger. "Wait… I know you."
"You're making a mistake…" Natsu muttered.
"The only mistake was showing your face around here again!"
Nervously, Natsu scratched the back of his head. He was sure his scalp was bleeding at this point. He averted the innkeeper's blaming stare, wondering what he should do. All of his small talents of persuading had been exhausted today.
"I don't have time for this," he hissed. "Do you?"
A small silence passed. The innkeeper kept staring at him, but the fire in his eyes seemed to change her mind. Because at that moment, Natsu was sure he'd murder anyone would piss him off. The old lady must've felt that.
"Well, maybe you aren't worth the hassle…" she admitted with shrug. "Just keep your filthy hands off my mead stash this time."
"That's right. I'd rent a room for a night." Natsu tossed the innkeeper a small purse of coins. "Is that enough to shut you up?"
"Yes. Sure thing. You can have the one in upstairs."
Natsu nodded and received the iron key the lady gave him. He walked back to Lucy to find her sound asleep. Her messy, braided hair covered her face as her head rested on the wooden table. She'd fall from the chair at any moment.
"Lucy?" Natsu asked and shook her shoulder. "You, uhm, shouldn't really sleep like that, so…"
She did not wake up, but Natsu couldn't leave her like that here. He glanced over his shoulder where the drunken soldiers sat at. It wasn't safe for a maid to pass out around too many hungry eyes. In fact, as the world was now with thieves and bandits running around, it wasn't safe for anyone.
Understanding that her safety was more important than his pride, Natsu picked her up into his arms. The steel plates and the decorative, green stones on her huntress's armour made her heavier than usual. He wrapped the fur cloak around her, for the amount of bare skin made it awkward for him to carry her upstairs.
When he reached the door to the room, he grunted as he tried to open the lock with one hand while holding her on one arm. No light of the fireplace reached the loft and he had to fumble in perfect darkness to get the door opened. When it finally did, he kicked it open with a mumbled curse.
'Gods, what's my life come to?' he wondered as he stepped into the chamber. Moonlight shone through the dusty window and helped him navigate in the dark. And as if he hadn't had enough misfortunes for today, there were no beds for the both of them, but only one. Did the innkeeper try to give him some hints? Why did every goddamn person have to take him as a kind of a man he was not?
'Fucking great,' he kept cursing at himself. He placed Lucy to sit on the edge of the bed, opened the harness of the cloak, and then lowered her down. 'Really fucking great… she's gonna kill me tomorrow… well, she's gonna kill me anyway, so whatever…'
Natsu put the edge of the dark green, feather-filled blanket around her, and then began to roll her into it. She looked like a cocoon when she reached the wall on the other end of the bed. In case she'd throw up again, Natsu left her to sleep on her side. Hopefully, she wouldn't move much from that. Still, it was better for her to be here than on her own in Jorrvaskr.
Burying his face into his palms, he wanted to cry. Cold wind seeped through the cracks in the wall and made him shiver. He dropped his backpack on the floor and considered laying down to accompany it, but as the frigid draft of air caught his ankles, he knew he'd freeze. He glanced at the bed again and convinced himself their tent was smaller than that, so maybe she wouldn't slaughter him for sleeping next to her.
Well, if she'd know what he had done, she'd probably slaughter him either way.
Sighing in utter frustration, he lay down on the other edge of the bed and covered himself with the fur cloak. It had caught Lucy's scent. Fearing what would happen tomorrow, he stared into the ceiling with only one thought in his mind.
'I betrayed her,' he repeated a thousand times with tears rolling down his cheeks. 'I fucking betrayed her.'
A/N: Phew, that was one hell of a chapter to write. I found many threatening plot holes in the Jellal thing, but I hope I managed to fix them… *nervous laughter*
I had planned this scene between Jellal and Natsu for a long time. I don't know if I've said earlier, but I don't want these characters to be perfect. I want them to do stupid things and mistakes they'll later come to regret. This chapter was one of those for Natsu, for he broke a part of Lucy's trust. Did he have a choice?
Yet somehow ironically, there was a lot of Nalu development in this chapter, even though it's set up for a major setback. I also brought up Lucy's drunk lesbian side with Cana. In fact I listened to Type o Negative - My Girlfriend's Girlfriend while writing that scene lol. And I really just had to do "there was only one bed" trope at some point and decided now was a good place for it.
I think this chapter had a lot of light and darkness entwined, which reflect's Lucy's and Natsu's mindsets during the events. Lucy was having the funniest evening of her life, hence the gamer poop references and all (Please check out gamer poop skyrim from youtube) while for Natsu it was just terrible.
There's going to be one lore-based chapter next, and it's going to be in Lucy's POV. She's gonna have a very great morning. After that chapter, we'll dive headfirst into a darker, more action-filled arc. One more character is going to do a comeback. Who do you think they'll be?
