CHAPTER 45: ORPHAN'S TEARS 2/2


The days were short this time of a year, but exceptionally bloody.

It was already dark when they arrived at the cavern where Clavicus Vile's shrine was, after riding the snow-piled mountain road for the entire afternoon. The horse was getting slow and exhausted, but Lucy still tried to encourage Sagittarius to push through the last paces. Barbas trotted somewhere behind them, but at the moment, Lucy couldn't care about the accursed dog. Clavicus had broken the deal. And now it was time to solve things out.

But how would one solve things out with a Daedric Prince, that Lucy couldn't tell. She swore she could touch the tension in the silence, feel the anger radiating from the fire mage sitting behind her. He hadn't said anything since they left Ivarstead hours ago. If he truly planned to unleash all that rage upon Clavicus Vile… Lucy didn't even dare to imagine the possible outcomes. She just hoped that Natsu would remember who he was up against. He might've defeated the frost troll with ease, but Clavicus stood in a fully different league; he was literally immortal.

As the mountain walls rose steeply around them in the narrow pathway, dread filled Lucy's heart. Going back to this place where the troll-man, now dead, had captured her, sent her mind back to the fear she'd felt when she had thought she was completely powerless against the beast. How little she had known then – she hadn't known she'd come to kill dragons one day. As their mount finally carried them to the opening of the cave and Lucy climbed down, she forced herself to swallow that fear. She couldn't afford to be afraid of old ghosts now.

But when she glanced at Natsu's face as he dismounted the horse, she truly got scared.

With his mouth pressed into a thin line, he stared into nothingness past her, ire blazing in his eyes. His lips bled – he had been biting himself again – as he clenched his hands into fists, marched right into the dark cave, still in grave silence. Lucy cast Candlelight, caught the horse's reins, and walked the reluctant animal into the darkness after the fire mage. They couldn't leave it outside, for frost trolls still resided in this area, excessively active during the winter months. Gladly, the tunnel was wide enough to let them take the horse into the first chamber, where Lucy tied it to a wooden support pillar to wait for their return.

The barks of Barbas echoed in the cave as it hurried after them. As a Daedric creature, it was fast and endurable, but had struggled to keep their pace as they rode up here. It was aware of the deal Natsu had made with Clavicus Vile, but didn't seem surprised to find the slaughter in Ivarstead. As if it had been expecting that.

"Hey, do you know what's the fastest way to paint your kitchen red?" Barbas started as it reached Lucy. "Rip your wife into shreds in there!"

Natsu halted and glared at the dog – it was enough to let Lucy know he wanted to murder the mutt right here and now. "One more joke and I'll rip you into shreds."

"Oh, too soon?"

As an act of absolute self-control, Natsu turned away from the dog and kept going in the darkness. Sometimes Lucy forgot that he didn't need Candlelight anymore to navigate in dark tunnels. Soon, he vanished from her sight, only his footsteps echoing faintly on the rocky cave floor.

He blamed himself for this.

No matter what Lucy would say, he would still blame himself, because they could have taken Barbas to Clavicus already. Felrys and the others had found Barbas just days after they left Fort Amol. Natsu and Lucy had passed by on their way to High Hrothgar, and Barbas had been right there all the time. It must've been wrecking to know he could've prevented this. If the elven woman hadn't tried to capture them in the woods, they would've stopped at Fort Amol, like they originally planned. Just if, what if, this and that and all these thoughts were blowing up her head too.

But what concerned her the most was how little she had felt when she witnessed that carnage.

Numb and dazed, Lucy had watched from the distance as the guards dragged the blood-covered child into safety. She heard the screams, but they didn't resonate in her heart. The smell of blood and guts didn't make her stomach churl. Even after Natsu incinerated the troll, when they peeked into the house, the kitchen that was now painted bright red, she felt absolutely nothing. What to do now, she had just stated, cold as ice.

It was the same when they had ridden through the battlefield of Whiterun. She knew she was supposed to feel dread and disgust, but the emotions just weren't there. Once before she would've wept her eyes out for the fates of the dead soldiers, for the fate of the orphaned boy, but now the tears just wouldn't come.

Up ahead in the dark cave, which now seemed so much shorter than before, a ray of light descended from the crack in the ceiling, falling on the stone statue of Clavicus Vile. Lucy hurried after the fire mage, who halted before the shrine to take a deep breath. Then he shouted, from the bottom of his lungs, as if the name itself was a curse,

"CLAVICUS VILE!"

Well, that was one way to summon a Daedric Prince. The way his voice cracked as it reverberated within the chamber just made Lucy receive the numbness as a blessing.

Carefully, Lucy walked to Natsu as he waited there, quiet and grim. While she knew he wouldn't hurt her in any way, she was unsure if he'd appreciate her presence now. He didn't seem to notice her at all as he kept staring into the eyes of the stone statue, absent from all life. Even the Daedra had to sense his hate, and eventually respond.

And Clavicus answered sooner than Lucy assumed.

"Ah, you've got my dog. Splendid."

Just like the last time, his voice echoed in the air, as if it had no source, no end, almost like Lucy heard it within her head. But as Natsu's eyes were set ablaze upon the Prince's answer, Lucy knew it was real.

"And you broke your part of our deal!"

Natsu spoke those words as if spitting up poison. There was no proof of it yet, but the absence of the frost troll in the cave spoke for itself. Lucy held her breath as she stood aside with Barbas resting at her feet. Even the dog was nervous and silent, watching the hopes it had for the argument between it and its master being solved out dissolving into the air like smoke.

"Did I now? Listen, the time you were away was like a gnat's fart in my time. I had no reason to break the deal. I could've waited for a century or two. But in the time of the man, you were away for way too long."

"But you had trapped him into the area around this cave, didn't you?" Natsu growled. "He wasn't supposed to be able to run away unless you'd lift that binding!"

"You see, I'm the Daedric Prince of Wishes. He wanted to go home. I simply fulfilled his wish. I was getting tired of him trying to wreck my precious shrine!"

Lucy's gaze moved to the claw marks carved on the stone of Clavicus's statue, as it had been smacked thousands of times, gnawed away in the erosion of human rage. It was haunting to think how desperate the man had been. He had been here all alone, trapped in the company of the Master of Insidious Wishes. Eventually, he must have caved, given up hope of ever being rescued. Even if he had known he'd be killed, he just wanted to see his family one last time.

Perhaps it was mercy, Lucy thought, but kept it to herself.

"And because of that, he murdered his wife and orphaned his kid!" Natsu shouted to the Daedra.

"Orphaned? No. You orphaned the kid when you killed his sole surviving parent. No need to be a hypocrite with me," Clavicus said, his voice echoing in the chamber with a dry chuckle. "It's all your fault. You could've brought Barbas back to me far earlier, but you didn't. It's because of you that poor boy no longer has loving parents. I'm afraid it takes an orphan to create one, then."

The last words sent a shiver down Lucy's spine. She glanced at Natsu, how he fell quiet, something in his eyes dying as he failed to understand what Clavicus said.

"… just what are you even talking about?" he muttered, still staring at the statue. The features of a wicked, horned man carved in stone didn't as much flinch at his hatred.

Clavicus chuckled again. "Oh, so you don't know?"

Lucy walked closer to the fire mage, prepared to catch him if he'd try something drastic. They had to be careful here, not give up on anger – and Lucy was unsure how she could stop him if he'd slip. But as she felt the nervousness grasping her throat, she was glad to feel something.

"What I don't know?" Natsu asked.

"That your father is dead. Just as your sweet mother, and your brother –"

Then, Lucy caught his arm.

"Liar!" he shouted, loud enough to cut him off. He barely noticed that Lucy held onto him, both arms wrapped around his elbow. "He may be as much dead to me as I'm dead to him, but I know he's alive, just as my brother is! I would know in my heart if they were dead, and they are not!"

At that moment, Lucy counted seconds until Natsu would incinerate the shrine just to channel his rage into something, but he remained calm, collected, even if the wrath was churning below the surface. He desperately wanted to make the Prince pay, but how could he? How could he really challenge an immortal, divine being? Burn him out of existence? Perhaps he was realising that was impossible, and that realisation made him desperate.

Not everything in this world could be just burned away.

The Daedra was trying to trick him, Lucy realised. Natsu had told her that his father was still alive, and Lucy believed that too. The old man had contacts. Hunters bought dogs from him. If he had died, some of those would've found out and informed the other villagers, so that a proper letter of inheritance would've been sent to the College of Winterhold, where both of his sons supposedly resided. He surely couldn't have died in his cottage years ago without anyone ever finding out, rotted away with his dogs… couldn't he?

"Believe what you want, but I'm not the Lord of Lies. That's Boethiah's speciality, not mine," Clavicus said. "But listen here, mortal. We had a deal. You had to bring Barbas back to me so I would turn the man back to normal. But since he's already dead and gone, looks like we've run into a little dilemma here!"

Lucy tried to come up with something to say, but failed. The deals with the Daedra were always a bad thing, they should've known that. Surely, bringing a dog back to its master sounded like a simple task, but when there were Daedra involved, even that could end in bloodshed. As it had already ended. Now, they were left with an ugly clean-up, and Lucy just didn't know what to do.

"So, tell me, what do you want?" Clavicus asked after a small silence.

Natsu wiped the blood from his chin before giving his answer, sharp and clear.

"Justice."

"And what can I do about that? Bring the poor kid's parents back to life?" the Daedra mocked. "When will you brothers understand that it is beyond my abilities, alas. Why can't you just settle for some basic necromancy? Does the same trick… almost."

"My brother has nothing to do with this, so you'd better shut up –"

Then Lucy realised there was something they could gain, something they could wish for, for the sake of balancing the deal. There was one thing Natsu had been thinking for years, trying to find an answer, yet his efforts had been in vain. As their end of the bargain, they could wish for knowledge.

If Clavicus Vile knew about Zeref, he could know where he was, too.

"There has to be a way to solve this –" Lucy started.

"There is," Clavicus announced over her voice. "The only way you can get out of this is by killing Barbas. That would nullify our deal!"

"Killing Barbas!?" Lucy exclaimed, so shocked she let go of Natsu's arm. The dog behind her whined in terror. "But half of your power resides in him –"

"Guess that's a small price to pay to get rid of him for an eternity."

Fiercely, she shook her head. "No way! We're not going to kill him!"

"Then you'd better figure something else for the bargain, since I can't figure out what you'd want in return for giving back that insufferable little mutt!"

With widened eyes, Lucy stared at the statue, wondering if the Daedra could see the dread on her face. Did he witness the events behind the veil of Oblivion, clouded and blurred to match his own purposes? Lucy turned her head as she heard the sound of a dagger being unsheathed. Natsu crouched by the dog, caught the fear-frozen animal into a strong grasp and placed the dagger against its skull.

Lucy's heart fell as she remembered a thing he once said.

'And when I was old enough, he taught me how to do it myself. Where to hold them and where to strike the knife to kill them fast and painless.'

Back then, he had told her about how his dad made him kill their old or deformed dogs. That had been called as a responsibility of the man in the house, to finish the animals off when their time came. 'Having to put down one of our dogs, damn, I cried every time.' But he didn't cry now. He held the dagger in his left hand, his dominant one, yet it didn't even shiver as he kept it at the dog's skull.

He was going to do it.

"There's nothing we want from you," he muttered.

"Well, go ahead and kill the dog."

And Lucy wouldn't let that happen.

Not daring to grab him from the shoulders and pull him away, as he could accidentally stab the dog in the process, Lucy circled in front of him and tried to get in contact with his eyes. She had to deal with words only until he'd put the blade down, just somehow speak him out of this, reach through the flames of his rage and pull him out of there before it would be too late.

"Natsu, please," she started, soothing down her tone. "We don't have to kill the dog –"

"I said, there's nothing we would ever want from you," Natsu answered, but not to her. He was speaking to Clavicus, as if she wasn't there at all. "You're a liar."

"And so what? Go on, kill that dog all I care. I'll just absorb his being and be restored to my full power all the same," Clavicus answered. "And you, girl, don't you worry. After a couple of centuries, Barbas will be back. The Daedra never really die."

"Natsu, don't do that," Lucy asked again. Even Barbas was silent now, looking at her like it was pleading mercy. Even if the Daedra couldn't die permanently, the dog could still feel pain and fear. They had already caused more than a necessary amount of suffering today. "There could be –"

"There's no way!"

Lucy raised her voice over his. " – we could learn more about Zeref! We could find out where he is! Consider that information as your part of the reward, your part of the deal!"

Finally, Natsu turned his head and stared at her in silence, his eyes had never been as cold as now. "Everything this fucking Daedra says is a lie."

"And so what if it is? We already fucked this up, but we still can't kill Barbas. Barbas is a part of Clavicus, and sooner or later, killing him will harm us!" Lucy shouted to him, making him flinch. "We must take something to keep the deal. Then we'll take lies."

As her chin trembled and a lump formed in her throat, she realised she was angry. Angry at him for even thinking that killing the dog would solve this out – even if he was too enraged to think clearly, she was still mad. Clavicus saw that, saw the flames striking from his gaze, and used that to his entertainment. What would even happen once he would've killed Barbas and restored the Prince to his full power? Clavicus would probably turn him permanently into a flame atronach, or a worm, or something far worse.

"Is that what you want, girl?" Clavicus asked, his tone now curious. "To know more about this fool's brother?"

Lucy nodded. "Yes."

Then, as if defeated, the fire mage grumbled a line of silent curses and released his hold around the dog. The animal whimpered as it wriggled free, trotting closer to Lucy. Gently, she placed her hand on the head of Barbas, giving a few soft strokes on its fur. Natsu sat down to the ground and buried his face in his hands. Lucy had won. Somehow.

"Alright, we have a deal. In return of Barbas, I'll grant you three questions." Clavicus let out a satisfied, haunting giggle. "And I promise to answer honestly to my best knowledge!"

Lucy glanced at Natsu, sensing the gloomy, grim aura around him – it hadn't gone anywhere, and probably wouldn't for a while. And when he didn't seem to come up with a question, Lucy decided to take the lead on this. Even if Natsu wouldn't want to know anything about Zeref, she wanted to. People in the College wanted to. They deserved to know what happened – and Natsu did, too, no matter what he claimed.

"That's good," Lucy stated then, her decision for the first question made. "Then, tell me, is Zeref alive?"

Natsu had always said that his brother was alive. His conjured cat, Happy, was proof of it. But the things the vampire woman had said made Lucy doubt if he was alive differently than what they probably thought. That was the most important thing they needed to know.

"Here's a small riddle for you: he lives, but he isn't alive," Clavicus said. "What is he, then?"

'A vampire,' Lucy thought instantly, the blood in her veins turning cold. It was true. Zeref had, at some point after leaving the College and disappearing without a trace, undergone the same painful process as Natsu almost did. He had become a vampire, but the circumstances were still unclear. Should they ask why?

Natsu finally spoke up, still in denial. "Zeref would never become a vampire."

Clavicus laughed. "Just as he would never poison his pregnant mother with nightshades."

Lucy's eyes shot to the fire mage, her stomach twisting as Natsu blinked rapidly. She couldn't believe her ears either.

"… what?" he stuttered.

"Do you think you know your brother, little man? Like really know him?"

Even if Lucy had never met Zeref, the things she had heard about him painted a very different image of him in her mind. He could never do something like that. Clavicus has promised to be honest, so why was he lying?

"He didn't poison my mother," Natsu answered strictly. "She ate the nightshades to get rid of me, and Zeref… he had nothing to do with that. Just… w-why would've he ever done that anyway?"

The rage was still lingering in his voice, the edges of his tone sharp enough to cut, but he had been forced to face the fact that this was the only way they could come out of this. He had to swallow his pride, swallow his desire to shred the Daedric Prince apart. They just couldn't do that, just as nothing could bring the poor boy's parents back. There was nothing left to salvage than their own skins. Three questions, that's all it took. Nothing more, nothing less, then they'd just leave this behind.

However, by then they should've known that knowledge was a double-edged sword.

"Who knows? Perhaps he wanted to be the only child. Perhaps he did it for the sake of his own research," Clavicus said nonchalantly. "From what I understood, poisoning a pregnant woman to the brink of death, and then bringing her back with the right antidotes and healing spells resulted not only in your unique appearance, but in your magic as well. Do you know what's one of the alchemical effects of nightshade?"

Natsu shook his head, and Lucy didn't know enough about alchemy to answer either. How ironic it was that Natsu had told her the story about the nightshades when they had last been here… Clavicus truly heard everything they said within this cave.

"It fortifies Destruction spells," Clavicus answered. Lucy cursed under her breath. Should've guessed it. "In a way, one could say you're what you are because your brother made you that way. Ah… like a monster he created."

Natsu just shook his head again. "I don't believe that crap. I was always told that –"

"So, you'd rather believe your mother tried to murder her beloved second son in the womb? You were fed that 'crap' because your parents protected you from the truth. Your sweet mother didn't want you to hate your brother, you see. And oh, living in such a lie had to be draining for her psyche…" Clavicus told and paused for a second. "That was the second question, by the way. Think carefully for the last one."

The invisible iron chain of worry around Lucy's chest kept tightening as Natsu fell deadly quiet. Even if neither of them wanted to believe it, there was a reasonable logic they couldn't deny. While Natsu had told her that he was an accident his parents tried to get rid of, as the harvest had failed and they couldn't feed everyone, suddenly it didn't ring as the truth in Lucy's mind. If they had pulled it through, it had to mean that there had been enough food for the family of four. Besides, infants survived almost solely on their mother's milk through the first year. They had to have known that, too.

Perhaps, when she first heard the story, she swallowed it without chewing. But as he told her more about his mother, the less sense it made that she would've tried to murder her unborn son. Natsu's mother had, despite her mental conditions, loved him. There was no doubt of it. And even if Lucy had no children of her own, and would probably never have, she knew through Krosulhah's soul that a mother's love for her son was absolute, unconditional, strong enough to cross the boundaries of life and death.

But what about a brother's love?

At that moment, when Lucy understood in her heart that Clavicus spoke true, she doubted if it even existed.

The time had come to make the last question. Natsu was still silent, still thinking, and Lucy knew he had to be the one to make it. She looked at him, saw the anger in his eyes twisting into sorrow. For his entire life, he had believed his mother didn't want to have him. Lucy couldn't even imagine how confusing, relieving, and maddening it was for him to know the truth – it had been his brother all along.

And when Natsu finally made his question, it surprised her.

"What did my brother ask you when he came here?"

Lucy had assumed he'd ask where Zeref was, but at the moment, he didn't seem to care. She remembered what Clavicus had said, how he had told them that he had met Zeref. Zeref had come to him with a wish. And now, Clavicus Vile remained silent for a moment, as if hesitating.

"He wanted to rescue someone from the Soul Cairn."

Upon his words, Natsu and Lucy exchanged a confused gaze. Even Barbas glanced at them, just as lost. Lucy had never even heard of that, and neither had Natsu. She turned her head towards the shrine. "Soul Cairn?" she wondered.

"I owe you the whole story as a bonus, do I?" Clavicus answered.

Natsu nodded. "Yeah, you do."

"So, you do know how his wifeling died?"

Lucy didn't like where it was going. Not at all.

"Mavis died in a Dwemer ruin, but I don't know how. I always assumed it was a Dwarven Centurion who killed her. Those are deadly things," Natsu answered, but there was uncertainty in his tone. That's the story Lucy had heard, and she had believed that. Zeref hadn't even been able to retrieve her corpse and keep her a proper burial, that's how dangerous the Dwemer ruins were.

"False," Clavicus stated. "She and your brother were brewing some potions in your brother's hidden laboratory when they realised they were missing an ingredient. They had a beautiful garden right outside that cavern, and the girl proposed she'd go pick the flowers needed for the potion while your brother would watch the mixture. Zeref refused the idea, for he was quite protective over his wifeling." The Daedra chuckled scornfully. "See, she was with a child."

Silence fell into the chamber. If that was true, Mavis had been so early on that her belly hadn't started to grow. Secrets like that used to spread like wildfire in the College of Winterhold, yet no one had known about that, or so Lucy assumed. Natsu's surprised, slightly shocked expression made it clear that he hadn't known about it either.

"Mavis was pregnant?" Lucy asked, seeking for confirmation, the little trust there was with the Daedric Prince.

"She was, indeed. Why else would they have been getting married?"

Natsu brought his palm to his forehead, dragging his fingers through his hair as he sighed. "So, my mother's instincts were correct when she started knitting those baby socks…"

'Well, a mother's instincts are never wrong,' Lucy wanted to state, but remained quiet. With Mavis, Natsu had lost a potential niece or nephew, and had never known about that until now. He would've been an uncle if things hadn't gone so wrong. How he felt about that, Lucy had no idea. Usually, she could read him like an open book, but now his emotions were concealed behind this stone-cold veil, a wall he had built just to keep himself together through this trial.

"Anyway, back to the story. Oh, how I love tragedies…" Clavicus continued. Lucy wrapped her arms around herself. "Well, the girl said she'd be fine. She loved spending time in the garden, and so Zeref let her go. When she didn't get back soon enough, he started to worry, and went to check on her. And in their beautiful garden, he found her ambushed by necromancers, with a knife in her heart, and her soul… trapped inside a black soul gem."

Natsu's gaze dropped to the ground. From the necromancers they had encountered in Ustengrav, Lucy knew the horrendous acts they were capable of. Maybe there had been a solace in the false belief that Mavis was killed by an un-sentient, mechanic Dwarven automaton than a fully conscious human being. Conjurers, especially necromancers, trapped souls within soul gems. Animal souls could be stored easily in any gem, but human souls were harder to capture, yet more valuable, more powerful – and crueller. Much crueller.

"Wait… black soul gems are made for storing human souls?" Lucy asked, her voice as silent as a whisper.

"Indeed. Devastated by the loss, Zeref tracked the necromancers down into a nearby lair. He thought he could somehow seal her soul back to her body if he'd retrieve that soul gem. But then, when he got there, he found out they already used her soul to enchant a necklace. Imagine, the soul of a beautiful princess, used for nothing else than a necklace? What a waste! One could've made anything from it! A powerful weapon or something! What a brilliant song it would've made –"

"And what happened to her soul, then?" Natsu interrupted. He rested his chin against his fingers to cover how it shivered. The lump in Lucy's throat had grown to the point where she was choking, tears welling up in her eyes, but she fought to keep them back.

"She was sent straight to Soul Cairn, a plane of Oblivion haunted by lost souls, the most desolated and horrendous place of all existence. That's where his beloved princess now resides, for an eternity! Forever! For nothing can rescue a soul from there!" Clavicus laughed. "You can believe how he bathed in the blood of those who did that her, killed all of them to the last man, but no, no bloodshed could ever bring her back! Not from Soul Cairn!"

Lucy didn't know if there were worse fates than that. To spend eternity as a lost soul, wandering across the vast desolation, all alone, forever… Whatever Zeref was doing to rescue her, suddenly Lucy could understand why he did. If turning into a vampire served those purposes, then who could blame him? She remembered how she and Natsu had talked about the afterlife, of Sovngarde and Aetherius, the countless stars they both had caught a glimpse of… There wouldn't be a single star shining in the endless night Mavis had been trapped into. Only darkness.

And then, Lucy's heart skipped a beat when she remembered the dream Natsu had mentioned, the one where his brother had appeared to him.

Zeref had asked him to follow him into the night, and this was what he had meant.

"So, that's what he's doing now?" Natsu asked. "Trying to find a way to rescue her soul?"

"Indeed. Terrible things happen when a man can't let go of the one he loves. You mortals are so entertaining. Even Molag Bal has been impressed by your brother's persistence. Sooner or later, the Ideal Masters of Soul Cairn are bound to see his efforts…" Clavicus answered. "He's trying to do the impossible. Not to just rescue her soul, but his unborn son's, too. He wants to bring them both back, not as ghosts, not as some clumsy revenants, but as living, breathing human beings… And to which lengths he's ready to go to fulfil his goal, even the gods are observing with great anticipation."

As silence fell once more, they knew they had learnt enough. The deal was now fulfilled. They had exhausted the three questions only to breed a hundred more, but a time for them would come later, someplace else. When Natsu stood up and turned his back to the shrine, Barbas barked. It had remained quiet so far, as if knowing Natsu would still kill it if it spoke a single word.

"Well, wasn't that a touching story," the dog commented. "Seems like it's now time for me to return to my master. Thank you, mortals, for taking me here. Now I can annoy old Clavicus Vile again, for the whole eternity!"

"Yeah, yeah, the dog gets master, the master gets a dog, everyone's happy. Just get over here, mutt."

Then, the dog was surrounded by a gleaming, purple light. It disappeared into the swirl of otherworldly magic, then reappeared next to the statue of Clavicus Vile. The shrine was now restored to its former shape, with a stone dog standing by its master. Lucy stared all of that in awe, until she heard the Daedra's voice again.

"Ah, that feels so much better! You forget how nice supreme power feels until you've been stuck in a cave for a few years. It's a shame that you wished for something so dull as learning about this fool's brother. Quite the lack of imagination on your part. A lack of ambition like that really ought to be punished."

"We just wanted to bring Barbas back to you, that's all," Lucy answered, still struggling to understand what just happened. "Or, to be more exact, to get rid of it…"

"Since you are the Dragonborn, why didn't you ask how to defeat Alduin? That would've been much more interesting."

Lucy's lips parted in shock as the Daedra called her Dragonborn. Had he known all the time, or learned just recently? Just what could it mean if the Daedric Princes knew who she truly was? Natsu halted near the opening of the tunnel that led out of this chamber, blankly staring at the shrine.

"Because you can't be trusted," Lucy answered, trying to hide the quivering of her voice. They could take lies about Zeref, but not about the return of the dragons. "Why would a Daedra care about it anyway?"

"Well, the presence of the dragons quite disrupts our influence on Tamriel. We have been observing the situation from afar, but sooner or later, we'll have to step into the game," Clavicus said mysteriously. "And hey, you little fire wizard, before you go… I'm assuming your mother left some other things unsaid, didn't she?"

Natsu shook his head. "I don't want to hear anything more from you, Clavicus Vile."

Lucy's world was beginning to spin from confusion. First, the Prince mentioned the Daedra would be partaking in the upcoming battles with the dragons, then just smoothly switched the topic back to Natsu's mother? What kind of twisted games was he playing? Lucy hurried after the fire mage, halted by his side while they waited for Clavicus's answer. It took a while for him to speak again, but when he did, the spinning came to a perfect stop.

"Among the night's children, a dread lord will rise," said Clavicus Vile. "There will come a day when you'll understand what it means."

Lucy glanced at Natsu. It was difficult to see his features in the darkness, but she could feel the enraged heat radiating from him. He couldn't bear to hear one more word, not a single mysterious prophecy, he just had to get out of here before he'd lose his mind.

"What does that have to do with his mother?" Lucy wondered then. Natsu was already leaving the chamber, but he stayed just long enough to hear the Daedra's answer.

Clavicus chuckled. "Well, there is this incredibly powerful axe, the Rueful Axe I would want back…"

Lucy scoffed, cursed at herself for not realising he was up to another bargain. Unfortunately for him, they weren't. Not again, not ever. "Sorry, no deal. We're going now. Goodbye."

Then they left the shrine behind, and the Daedric Prince of Trickery spoke to them no more.


As they made their way back out of the cave, Lucy wasn't expecting that Natsu would talk much, but this was different from anything before. He was lost within his shell, lost within the silence she had just gotten him back from. Lucy hurried after him, failed to keep his pace, eventually had to shout at him to stop, to wait for her, but he didn't. Only when they reached the first chamber where they had left Sagittarius, he halted, but just to untie the reins from the pillar and guide the horse outside.

The sense of sadness turned into helplessness in Lucy's heart as she realised that there was nothing she could do, nothing she could say to make him feel even slightly better. He was shutting her out, perhaps thinking to save her from his pain this way, but it didn't work like that. She felt it too, felt it so close, and it hurt all the same.

It was dark as they stepped out into the mountains, but the skies were lit with thousands of stars, the two moons bright amongst them. The horse whined nervously in the night, afraid of the darkness, but they had no choice but to leave. It wasn't safe to stay in the cave now when Clavicus had been restored to full power, and the frost trolls of the area made camping just as dangerous. Without saying anything, Natsu gave the reins to Lucy as she reached him. She glanced at him with sorrow in her eyes, as he couldn't even look back at her.

"Where are we going to go?" Lucy asked, stroking the horse's neck.

Natsu chewed his blood-crusted lips, as if he had temporarily forgotten how to speak. "Ivarstead," he answered then, nodding for a few times. Then he raised his gaze from his boots to her. Lucy flinched at the emptiness she now saw in his eyes. "We have to tell the truth to the boy."

While Lucy understood why he wanted to tell the boy, but riding the entire night just to reach the village at dawn… it was draining to the already-exhausted horse. It couldn't see in the darkness, unlike he. Besides, it probably wasn't a good idea to bother the boy just now. They could tell him later, when the wounds weren't so raw.

"It's going to take us the whole night to reach the village," Lucy answered.

Natsu didn't even seem to hear what she said. "He needs to know what happened to his parents, as soon as possible."

Lucy forced herself to smile a little, to show that she understood, but the empathy wasn't truly there. Not now. She was hurt, hurt because he was shutting her out. "You need to tell him as soon as possible, don't you?"

Natsu fell quiet for a long time.

"I know why," Lucy said then, with sharpness in her tone that she didn't like. "I know you're blaming yourself for this, but please, just understand that we can tell the boy later. He's probably just sleeping those terrors away. Let the poor kid rest. Just suck the blame up for tonight."

"You just don't know," he muttered then, disbelief in his eyes as he looked at her. "You have no idea –"

"You take this personally," she interrupted, stepping closer to him. "You take this personally because you lost your mother too, and now Clavicus tricked you to believe it's your fault. Takes an orphan to create one, whatever bullshit he said, it's not –"

"Whatever he said doesn't change the fact that it's true, Lucy. It is my fault. And I –"

Lucy sighed and turned her gaze away from him. He would argue with her about this until it would be dawn. "Remember the run-down alchemist's shack? We could stay there tonight –"

" – of all the fucking things, I just want to tell him that I'm sorry," Natsu cut her off again. "And you, of all the people, should understand." He sighed and pulled his hood over his head. "I'm going to Ivarstead."

"Then fucking go."

Natsu halted, glanced over his shoulder. She didn't want him to go, but she was on the verge of snapping – if he really wanted to go there, who was she to stop him? He could handle himself for one night. As he remained silent, unable to say anything, Lucy continued,

"You can go to Ivarstead all you want, but I'm not going tonight. It's too far away." Lucy placed her foot on the stirrup and climbed onto the horse's back. "And I'm too fucking tired."

Lucy looked down at the fire mage, waited for him to get to his spot behind her in the saddle, but he didn't. He just stood there without uttering a single word.

"You need a moment alone?" Lucy asked. "To clear your head after… after everything."

Natsu nodded. She had known he'd give that answer.

"I'll meet you in Ivarstead tomorrow, then."

Natsu nodded again.

And then, Lucy cast a Candlelight, followed with Clairvoyance as she formed the image of the shack within her mind, and began to follow the trail of light into the darkness, leaving Natsu behind her.

For now, it was for the best.

As she rode in the night, listening to the howling wolves in the distance, it didn't take long for her to start regretting the decision. She wanted to pull the reins and make the horse stop, wait until Natsu would catch up with her, but she didn't. When he was in this mood, he just needed to be alone to sort his thoughts, calm his overheated nerves. It had been so long since they had been apart for longer than an hour, and Lucy didn't know why she dreaded that so much. Perhaps she still feared that once she'd leave him out of her sight, he would be forever gone, lost without a trace.

But now, just tonight, she had to trust that they'd reunite in Ivarstead tomorrow. There seemed to be a curse in the area – if she recalled right, he had gone there alone too when they were first here, so long ago. Eventually, he had gotten there just as he promised. This time wouldn't be any different. Lucy knew there was no personal ire in between them, just exhaustion. They were both tired, mentally and physically, especially after this cursed day.

With the stars as her only company, she looked up from time to time. The great gate, the massive stone pillars with eagle's head contrasted against the night sky. She tried to spot her favourite constellations amongst the stars, but now she just couldn't find them. Now, staring into the stars was just lonely, and so she turned her gaze down to the ground.

Keeping the light spell up drained her magicka constantly, taking small amounts with every passing minute. She rode down the mountain path, and when she was unsure where to turn, she cast Clairvoyance again, and followed the gleaming trail. By the time she reached the shack in the snowy forest, the Candlelight expired once more, and she had no magicka left to cast it again. Shivering from the cold, she tied the horse to the nearest birch and walked into the empty, run-down cottage. The door was left open, just like before.

She was just about to ask if Natsu remembered how they blew up the alchemy lab, but then she realised he wasn't there. Feeling her heart sink, she swallowed her words and crouched by the dusty fireplace. Moonlight flooded through the open windows, letting her see just enough to place the firewood into the hearth and stroke them aflame with a little, faint fire spell. She sighed as the little firelings licked the surface of the wet wood, died away and turned into smoke. Lucy tried again, put some bark in between the logs, and eventually managed to set them on fire.

It just didn't feel the same as Natsu's fire, not nearly as warm, just like a poor replica.

She warmed her hands by the flames, gazed around as the fire lighted up the small cottage. It was only one room, with a bed in the alcove, a stove by the hearth, a small table with two chairs, shelves and barrels lining the walls. A lonely alchemist must've once lived here, but died long ago. Moths had eaten away the books piled on the table, which Lucy pitied. She still remembered the times when she had been so excited about learning alchemy. That enthusiasm was gone now – she couldn't recall when she had lost it.

When she could feel her fingers again, she dug her journal and writing supplies from her bag. It had been a while since she had last written anything. Had she been enthusiastic about writing, too? She browsed through the pages, the dried flowers between them rustling. She had once collected them, naively thinking how it would be nice to gather them as memories of the places she had been. Some mountain flowers, dragon tongues, tundra cotton and lavender, then she had forgotten about them.

Maybe she had neglected her journal-keeping because she spent the evenings talking with Natsu, too enraptured in those conversations to even remember she was supposed to keep a journal. She had begun it as a way to document her adventures, dedicate the entries as letters to her dead mother, but now, as she placed the quill on the empty page, no words came to her mind. Just blank, bleak nothingness. She stared at it for a while until she felt herself being absorbed into that emptiness, and then she closed the book.

Lucy took a deep breath as tears welled up in her eyes. Her thumbs caressed the leather cover of the journal, and for a second she was tempted to throw it into the fire, but she put it back into her bag instead. Lucy moved her gaze to the flames. As she watched them dance, she wondered where was the god Natsu saw in them, because all she could see when she stared into the fire was him. She wiped her eyes as smoke make them sting, then rested her head on her knees, arms wrapped around her legs.

She just hoped he could be there, missed him so much it hurt.

Lucy didn't have to cry for long until her mind wrapped her in the soft, warm wool of numbness. The pain faded into a burning tingle, the same as a limb where blood no longer flowed. Her tears dried up, thoughts disappeared from her head, one by one. The grisly scene from this morning, the newly-learnt facts about Natsu's brother, about Mavis and her cruellest fate… all of them vanished, swept into the back of her subconsciousness, out of her reach. And maybe, as she felt the pain fade, she knew it wasn't how it was supposed to be.

With all the demons being exiled there, the back of her subconscious mind was becoming a very scary place to be.

Lucy held her head in her hands, slowly breathing in and out. She drifted to the edge of sleep, but a faint knock on the door pulled her out of it. Unsure if it had been just a dream, she waited for a second, until she heard it again, louder than before. Lucy nearly swayed off her feet when she stood up. Taking support from the wall, she walked to the door, hesitated before opening it.

She had to blink twice when she found Natsu standing at the doorstep.

As he looked into her eyes now, the cold emptiness there had been was gone. She knew not how many hours it had been since they parted, but the constellations and moons had drifted onward on the skies, and the dawn was still just a distant promise. It felt like forever since she had last seen his face, but like a blink of an eye at the same time. Resisting the urge to jump into his neck and just embrace him tight, Lucy stepped back, making room for him to step in. But he didn't.

"Can I come here?" he asked quietly.

"Of course," Lucy answered and flashed a quick smile.

Natsu nodded, walked in, and closed the door behind him. He stoked the dying flames in the hearth as he passed by, then sat down on the edge of the bed. Lucy waited in front of the door, watching him bury his face into his hands, let out a long, pained sigh. While Lucy was incredibly glad that he had come here, she also realised how foolish it had been to separate, even if it had been just for a moment. She had taken his pain personally, mistaken his need for a momentary solitude as leaving her out of it completely. It hadn't been his intention, not at all.

"Sorry, Lucy," Natsu muttered against his palms. "I… I just don't even fucking know what to think. What Clavicus said, about Zeref poisoning my mother, that he actually is a fucking vampire, how Mavis truly died, it's just…"

Lucy nodded, walked to him, and seated next to him. "It's too much, I know. And I'm sorry, too, for –"

Natsu shook his head. "Don't be," he said, his voice shivering. "I'm not angry at you, not at all, only… only at myself." He dragged his fingers through his hair and groped his neck, then turned to look at her. She flinched as she saw the tears welling up in his eyes. "I just keep screwing everything up."

There was something in his gaze that made her soul wrench, torn apart by the things he left unsaid. As if he wanted to say 'I need you now, Lucy', but didn't dare to – and it was enough that she knew it anyway. With a sorrowful smile, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulled him into an embrace. They could talk about all of this, could talk for hours, but not tonight, not until they had both rested.

And as she felt his heart beating against hers, she felt his pain as well, as it was the only one pain she could feel anymore – and she was so glad to feel anything, just anything than the hollow numbness she had been drowning into.

Natsu laid his head on her lap, clutched his fingers into her robes as she stroked his hair, running her hands through the soft pink strands. He didn't cry, not this time, as her comfort kept the tears at bay. And even after he had closed his eyes and fallen asleep, Lucy kept her hand on his head, wondering what colour his hair would be if his mother hadn't taken the nightshades. If those flowers had dyed it pink, it meant he would've been fair-haired, just like his mother had been.

Yet, for a second Lucy wondered how that would even be, if Zeref's hair had been black as night, just as their father's, but she was too tired to think that through. He had chosen to come back to her tonight, and that was all that mattered to her now.

When she was sure that Natsu was sound asleep, she moved him from her arms to the bed, settled snug against his back, and pulled the fur blankets over them. She pressed her cheeks into his sharp shoulder blades, held her arms around his thin waist, but just when she was about to drift to sleep, tears rolled down from her eyes. The drops absorbed into his robes upon the realisation that she, too, had taken the boy's fate upon her heart, but could only feel that through Natsu's pain – as if she needed it to channel her own emotions, reflect them and bring them back to surface from the depths they had been swept into.

And as her last thought before her mind blacked out from exhaustion, she realised that was only possible because they were both orphans, lost souls with heavy hearts longing for the places they once called home. A transient truth, fleeting but still so strong – the only ones they had left were each other.

In the morning, she had already forgotten it.


A/N: Hi guys, hope you enjoyed the chapter!

So, as promised, I dropped a lot of hints about Zeref in this chapter. What did you think about these? Also, was Clavicus being honest, or just tricking them? This chapter felt a bit chunky to write, to be honest, but I hope it isn't a bad as it feels like. It was quite challenging to write "Natsu's chapter" from Lucy's perspective, but I think we needed to hear about her emotions, too.

Also, thanks to Kurasame, I now know what do with Acnologia! I finally got that one figured out. I wrote about two pages worth of notes and I'm just too excited to share that stuff with you already :D

Next up: A Chance Arrangement