CHAPTER 49: TRUST 2/2
Content warning: Alcohol and drug usage, sexual content continues. The events of this chapter start slightly before the previous part ended. Also notice that I posted these chapters at the same time, so make sure you've read the previous part!
Natsu closed the door of the bedchamber, his shoulders tense from the vampire's presence as the red, lifeless eyes kept staring at his back.
He didn't like this, not at all.
He didn't like leaving Lucy alone, even if Loke and Haming and Gildarts had left the table, but it was probably best for her to stay there for a brief moment. The thing he wanted to ask from the vampire wasn't something she couldn't hear. It was the other things Gajeel could mention that Natsu didn't exactly like to discuss with Lucy around…
"So, what is it?" Gajeel asked when Natsu turned around and met his undead gaze. It was haunting to look into a vampire's eyes. There was no life in them, but they could still see, and Natsu knew exceptionally well how sharply they saw. "Did the vampirism permanently destroy the blood flow to your cock, and now you're looking for some tips on how to keep your woman satisfied?"
Natsu shook his head, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Yes, he had known that this was exactly what Gajeel would assume he'd ask – and leaving Lucy out of it had been the right decision.
"No, for fuck's sake. I, eh… I got no problems on that matter, thanks for asking," he muttered and embarrassed, he quickly switched to the actual subject he wanted to talk about. "It's about my brother, who's been missing for years. I've heard that he's become a vampire, so I was wondering if you'd know him."
Gajeel rested against the stone wall, his head almost hitting the roof. Natsu noticed how he had dodged the chandelier where candles were slowly burning. The vampire nodded, yet there was a small disappointment in his presence. "What's the name?"
Natsu swallowed dryly. A painful lump was forming in his throat. He tried to ignore it the best he could. The wine had made him dizzy, slightly dazed, but he could still understand what was going on. For a moment he hesitated. As he had learned from Clavicus Vile, knowledge only added to the pain, but he had lived in uncertainty for too long. It was time to face the truths, no matter how painful they'd be.
"Zeref of Dragonbridge," Natsu said silently.
Gajeel's eyes widened. He fell very quiet, very still. Well, of course he was still – he was a fucking vampire. He was dead. He didn't breathe, his heart didn't beat, and it was haunting for Natsu to know he would've ended up like this. It was the Daedric influence and the blood of mortals that kept them eternally in this state of unlife.
And finally, Gajeel answered.
"For brothers, you look nothing alike."
Natsu's heart fell. Blankly, he stared at the vampire, chewed on his lower lip to distract himself from the shock. All these years, he had been looking for someone who had met Zeref, and finally… "So you've met him?" he asked.
Gajeel nodded again.
"Where?"
"About four years ago, I had some business in Castle Volkihar, on the northwest coast of Skyrim," Gajeel started, crossing his arms on his chest. "It's a nasty place, a secluded headquarter of a very powerful line of ancient vampires. That's where I saw Zeref of Dragonbridge."
Natsu's fingers began to tremble. He clutched them into fists. Well, his instinct had been right on this, too. Something about this vampire told him that he'd know something about Zeref. Was he beginning to read the minds of others, as vampires did, or was it just a coincidence? Just as before, one answer bred a dozen more questions, and Natsu couldn't find them in the vampire's eyes.
"Why was he there?" Natsu asked.
"He brought Lord Harkon's long lost daughter back to her father," Gajeel answered. "And in return, Lord Harkon rewarded him with the greatest gift upon his power to grant: his blood."
Natsu shivered. He didn't understand what that meant, or where Zeref could've found the daughter of a powerful vampire family, but it didn't sound promising. "So, that's why he's now called 'Lord Zeref', I assume?"
"Yes. There are vampires, and then there are vampires. We, who have been infected by a disease, and those true-born, pure-blooded ones who have been given vampirism from Molag Bal himself. Those who walk as lions among the sheep," said the vampire, falling silent for a moment. "But… since I've last been there, something has certainly happened. As if the entire clan has been… blacked out."
Natsu had never known there were two kinds of vampires. Well, there was probably more, depending on what disease they had contracted. There could be other diseases than sanguinare vampiris that did the same thing, but the ones who were granted the vampirism directly from Molag Bal? And Zeref was one of them? "What do you mean?" Natsu wondered.
"There's no information of what has been going on. The Volkihar vampires were planning on something very big, but apparently, those plans were never carried out. I don't know why, alas," Gajeel said. "I haven't heard of your brother since. It's possible he's still in the castle, or somewhere else completely. And when I saw him…"
As Gajeel's voice died, Natsu realised he was shivering from head to toes. "Go on."
"He didn't speak. He didn't look into anyone's eyes. Vampires are often masters at concealing their power, but Zeref's… his couldn't be hidden. That man's magic is just… terrifying. Even by vampire standards," Gajeel said. "You can be proud to have a brother like him."
Not sure if it was supposed to be a compliment or a warning, Natsu just nodded. "Thank you. That was all I needed to know."
"One more thing."
"Well?"
"Don't even think about going there," Gajeel told, his tone strict and serious. "A halfling you might be, but you're still a mortal. And Castle Volkihar is not a place for a mortal."
Natsu nodded again, unable to say anything. He put his shivering hand on the doorknob, but Gajeel interrupted him before he could open it.
"If I snitch on some knowledge about your brother, I'll let you know."
"T-thanks," Natsu answered, stuttering. His mind was still processing this knowledge, and the wine he had drunk didn't make it any easier. He'd probably better shove it all to the side for now and think about this in the morning. "Alright, uhm… better head back there. Don't like leaving Lucy alone for too long."
Gajeel grinned. "Are you sure you don't want to hear a tip or two?"
Natsu rolled his eyes, not answering as he finally opened the door and stepped back to the tavern. It was slowly getting annoying how people always assumed he and Lucy were together, when they were not. Gildarts did. Loke did. Even this vampire he had known for half an hour did.
Well, that exactly wasn't what annoyed him. It was how they thought that he was less of a man for not bedding her. Didn't they seriously have anything else going on in their heads? Was that all they could think about, how and where to find a new woman to warm their beds at night? Even Igneel had been the same, and only now he realised how annoying it had been. Igneel said it himself that he didn't love those he had slept with, could barely see their faces or remember their names – he just had to get the rocks off, that was all.
And Natsu had just always wondered that what was the point of the whole thing. Why make love to someone you didn't even love, whose face you couldn't see, whose name you couldn't remember? It just didn't make sense.
It might've been last summer when Natsu had been fairly drunk and overly frustrated with Igneel's endless teasing about when he was going to get himself a woman. Igneel thought that something had to be wrong with him, as the gods themselves had put a man on Nirn for three things: eating, fighting, and fucking. Finally having enough of that shit, Natsu had punched the Dunmer to the face and yelled that nothing was wrong with him. He'd be happy to live his entire life without ever touching a woman. He was put to Nirn for three things as well: eating, fighting, and drinking. That was enough for him, and didn't make him a lesser man.
However, he couldn't help but notice that he had been drinking less and less since he met Lucy.
As Natsu walked through the smoky tavern, searching for their table, he heard Lucy's laughter. He soon spotted her right where he had left her, giggling helplessly like a little girl. Gildarts had just returned to the table with more wine, and Loke and Haming were back from their piss break as well. The strange, blue-haired woman was still talking about Gray, which was just as disgusting as it was disturbing. Just how could have anyone fallen in love with that bastard? Natsu couldn't understand. Maybe that's why Lucy was laughing.
"Alright, Lucy, what's so funny?" Natsu asked as he seated back in his chair. Gajeel beckoned at Juvia, and so the woman rose and left with him. Perhaps it was his dinner time or something.
Suddenly, Lucy stopped laughing. Strands of her fair hair had been tucked behind her ears, but now they were loosened, nicely framing her face. She stared right into him as if her gaze was piercing through his soul, but something was… off. It was in her eyes, how they were black instead of brown, dazed and distant but still so close. Natsu glanced at the bottle of Dragon's Breath mead and found it empty.
Oh shit, here we go again…
When would he learn that leaving her alone was never a good idea? Hoping that just one mead hadn't made her as drunk as she had been in Jorrvaskr, Natsu tried to ignore the whole thing. He poured himself another mug of wine and listened to the discussion Haming was starting about Loke's latest job or something – the crippled guy seemed to be the smartest one of the Nord men at the table – but it turned out impossible to focus as Lucy leaned forward, closer to him.
"Natsu, you are really, really pretty… have I ever told you that?"
Lucy's speech wasn't slurred, but the tone she spoke with was different. Sweet, honeyed, higher than regular. She laid her head down on the dark mahogany table, face turned towards him as she kept blinking her eyes. Candlelight reflected from her gaze, little flames fluttering on her dilated pupils.
Natsu swallowed a mouthful of wine. "Uhm... thanks? I guess..."
"Can you do that thing where you purr like a cat?" she whispered.
He chuckled, smiling as he answered, "When in the Oblivion have I ever done that!?"
Lucy put her finger into her mouth, hummed as she tried to think. Her movements were slow and drained, but she didn't seem to be in pain. Yes, the mead must've been some extra strong brew if she was this drunk already. Then her eyes sparkled as an idea popped into her mind. "Then I'll do it for you!"
Before he could say anything, Lucy stood up and boldly seated herself to his thigh, wrapped her arms around his suddenly tensed shoulders. She leant her face to the curve of his neck, making him unable to breathe or even speak from the confusion. "Purr, purr…" she mumbled while stroking his chin.
"L-Lucy… what the fuck are you doing?" Natsu muttered. He felt a very unfriendly gaze on him, coming from the other side of the table. It was easy to sense how much Loke loathed his existence because Lucy decided to sit on Natsu's lap instead of his. If Loke would kill with a glare only, Natsu knew he'd be dead.
Lucy lifted her head and gazed into his eyes again. For a moment, her face was serious, but then she started to laugh again. "Natsu… your eyes a blue… now yellow… now blue and yellow! No… I don't want yellow… No yellow…"
Was she… hallucinating?
Natsu frowned, angrily looking at Gildarts. "Did you put moon sugar in the mead, old man?"
"I swear, I didn't!" Gildarts defended. He seemed to notice that something was off in Lucy's behaviour too, but he didn't know what it was. "It was just the chilli powder."
Nodding, Natsu turned back to Lucy. "What exactly did you drink?"
"Milk," she answered.
"Milk?"
Lucy smiled and leaned her face against his chest. "Yes, milk with honey… pink honey… the honey was pink and sweet, and now I feel like that honey… sticky… warm… and pink…"
Then Natsu understood what it was.
No, no, no… oh fuck, no!
He slammed his hand to his face, dragging his bony fingers down, then eyed at every man sitting at the table. "Alright, who the fuck gave her sleeping tree sap!?"
It had to be the sap. Natsu still remembered how Igneel had accidentally drunk half a bottle of raw sap from the sleeping tree, and hallucinated heavily the entire night. It wasn't exactly a dangerous narcotic, not addictive and life-ruining like skooma, but it could still have unwanted effects. It worked differently on each individual, but because Lucy was the Dragonborn, a mortal with the soul of a dragon, the effects could be totally unpredictable.
Loke and Gildarts seemed just confused, but then Haming looked down into his cup, only to find it empty. Terrified, he screamed, "Oh fuck, did Lucy drink my sleeping tree sap!?"
Natsu cursed under his breath. "Great. Just fucking great." He had seen that Haming was drinking something, but never even dared to think that he had sleeping tree sap mixed into his drink. Perhaps it helped with his pain, but still, leaving that unguarded at the table was stupid. Especially now when Lucy had drunk that, thinking it was milk.
"Yeah… I'm feeling great," Lucy mumbled. She had stopped stroking his chin, and now lifted her legs on Natsu's other thigh, as if cradled in his arms. Natsu stared blankly into nothingness as reality truly hit him, cold sweat breaking on his forehead. When he said he didn't want to handle drunk Lucy in the nearby future, it didn't mean he'd rather handle this instead.
"No worries. It's watered down with milk. I use it as a painkiller, but eh, I've grown more tolerant to it than she," Haming said awkwardly. "She'll probably just feel as healthy as a cave troll, nothing else."
"Probably as virile, too," Gildarts added with a burst of roaring laughter.
Natsu didn't feel like laughing. Not at all. Terrified, he gulped as he felt a hot blush creeping to his cheeks when Lucy snuggled her face into his neck. Loke turned his head away, and Natsu knew he'd kill to switch places with him.
Haming chuckled. "Yeah, some get like that when they drink the sap. Others just fall asleep like hibernating bears. Good luck, lad."
"Kynareth save me…" Natsu muttered. Lucy moved a bit and almost fell down from his lap, forcing him to wrap his arm around her waist and pull her back. "How long will this last?"
Shrugging, the crippled man took a small, pink bottle from his pocket and took a sip from it. "For a few hours, maybe."
"Better use that up well, boy," Gildarts commented, winking.
Natsu rolled his eyes. He'd punch the old, perverted bastard again just for thinking that he'd take advantage of Lucy's current state, but he couldn't. Lucy clung to him like she was drowning and the only thing keeping her head on the surface was him. She mumbled something against his chest, but he couldn't hear. His mind was screaming.
Loke, who had been quiet and grim ever since they followed Gildarts into his quarters, eyed at them for a long while. His gaze analyzed the way Lucy's hands moved on his shoulders, how her fingers clutched to his black tunic, how she smiled like the happiest girl in the world. Natsu brought the wine mug to his lips just to hide his face away. He knew that he was already drunker than he needed to be, and getting drunker than this was most likely a bad idea.
Then, Loke interrupted the discussion between his brother and Gildarts, and finally spoke to him. "So, are you two a thing?"
Lucy heard Loke's voice too, glanced at her old friend, and then pressed a kiss on Natsu's cheek. Wincing, he dropped her slightly, just to get her off his face. "What if you minded your own business?" Natsu answered, his cheeks burning up.
Loke grimaced. "What if you weren't such a dick? I just asked –"
"What if you stopped asking questions –" Natsu began, but was cut when Lucy reached for his chin to kiss him again. He shoved her hand away. "Hey, stop that!"
"Uh-huh?" Loke wondered and leant his elbows to the table. "What if when we're done with here, we go to your house and I rape your mama?"
Getting equally pissed as him, Natsu took a long sip from his wine mug, then laid it down. He took a better hold around Lucy's back so she wouldn't fall, then shot his eyes to the damned gingerhead. "What if you find her on top of your dad slamming firewood up to his ass while he's calling out my name?"
Everyone fell quiet until Gildarts and Haming broke into roaring laughter. Even Loke smirked a bit, then nodded quickly.
"... nice touch," he said.
"Thank you," Natsu answered and drank his wine again. Damn, I seriously sound just like Igneel sometimes… "And by the way, my mama is buried six feet under, so you better not go rape her."
"And my dad lies among the ashes of Helgen, so maybe she won't be slamming anything into his ass for now."
"Only the Gods know what they're doing in Aetherius."
Loke sighed and leaned his back on the chair as if accepting his defeat. Suddenly, Lucy started giggling again. She had probably heard the whole thing, but understood it with a little delay. "You're so funny, Natsu… Can you tell me another story?"
"It wasn't a story, that was just some shit talk with this idiot," Natsu answered.
Lucy fiddled the loose edges of his white scarf, leaning her head to the curve of his neck. If she would just stay like that and not get any worse, Natsu could just maybe pull this through. He wasn't used to Lucy behaving like this. She was supposed to be the shy one, now she was everything but shy. For Mara's sake, she had even kissed him to the cheek. His skin still tingled where her lips had touched it.
Nervously, Natsu put his wine cup down, even if he felt tempted to get so wasted that he wouldn't care at all what would happen. It wouldn't be right. He had to stay sober – well, as sober as he could be – and take care of Lucy. Whatever tricks she'd try, he had to remain calm and understand that it was just the sleeping tree sap that made her behave weirdly. But her body felt warm, soft, comfortable against his, as he was just skin and bone – and he liked it. Liked the way she felt in his arms, even though her weight was making his legs grow numb.
"Yeah, yeah…" Lucy mumbled. She spoke so quietly that the others couldn't hear, and Natsu was glad of that. He didn't want to pay attention to the Nords on the other side of the table right now. "Can you tell me the story when you were in a Dwemer ruin and a spinning blade trap almost sliced your dick off?"
Natsu chuckled – of course, of all things, she'd have to remember that story now, and top of all, remember it wrong. "That was Igneel, not me."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm damn sure."
But then, she gave up on his scarf and moved her hand down his chest. Natsu bit into his lip as she didn't stop, but kept going lower instead. Just how damn bold would she get? And what was she –
"Natsu... is this your...?" she asked quietly, amused by the thing she had found.
"No, it's my fucking hip bone –" he said, but almost squalled when Lucy moved her hand and caught him into a tight grasp, right there. "– Lucy!?"
"Oh my goodness –"
Natsu grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away, placing it on his chest where he'd rather have it. Lucy just giggled, her cheeks flared just as red as his. Gildarts was staring at them with a gods-forsaken, smug grin on his lips, his eyebrow lifted up to his hairline.
"I can't believe it, this little half-elf has a mammoth's –" Lucy shrieked, but Natsu cut her off.
"Shut up!"
It was bloody embarrassing to be a man sometimes, but just as Gray had once said, the blood had a will of its own. It flowed wherever it wanted to, especially when you had a pretty girl sitting on your lap. There wasn't much comfort in that thought though, for all he wanted to do was to take an axe and chop his fucking dick off. Perhaps he should've turned into a vampire after all. It would've solved all his problems…
Lucy pulled herself slightly away from him, then brought her hands on his shoulders and just gazed into his eyes in a dream-like state. Natsu really struggled to look at her with a straight face after what she had just done. She was all out of place, out of control, and it was only getting worse – by Sheogorath, groping him in front of all the guys? That had to stop.
"But it's true –"
Then he got an idea.
It had been what Igneel had once done in Windhelm, when a group of Nord soldiers had drugged a Dunmer girl, most likely to use her up in turns all night long. Igneel had noticed something nasty was going on, and so he devised a plan to save the girl's dignity. He had pretended to be the girl's fiancé and caused a scene, blaming her for cheating on him, then dragged her into their bedroom to be 'punished' for 'whoreing around the town'. And when they had gotten her behind closed doors, Igneel just put her to sleep. The next morning, she had been very thankful to Igneel. Now, Natsu could do the same thing with Lucy. He'd have to pretend a little, but it would get both of them out of the situation.
Lucy grinned as Natsu's bloody embarrassment just fueled her desire to tease him. She was just preparing to grab him again when Natsu grasped her wrist instead.
"You naughty, naughty girl!" Natsu said to her, stood up and placed Lucy to the ground, keeping his hand locked around her wrist. She swayed, but could still stand. "Looks like I'll have to punish you for a bit. Come here!"
"Oh, whoa...!" Lucy whined as he tugged her along, but if it was from pleasure or protest, he couldn't tell.
Internally, Natsu wanted to jump into a well and remain there for the rest of his life. He was giving exactly the wrong idea to everyone, but if he wouldn't do it, they'd do it instead. He'd just get her to safety, put her to sleep, and get over it.
"Way to go, son!" Gildarts hollered after them as Natsu dragged Lucy through the tavern. Ignoring the cheers, Natsu squeezed his eyes shut and fumbled through his pockets for the key to the chamber. He found it, opened the door and pushed her inside the small chamber.
The room had grown dim, as almost all the candles on the chandelier had been burnt out. Only a few remaining candles gave faint light to the chamber, but soon they'd go out too. There wasn't a lot of furniture, only the bed, a nightstand, and the wardrobe where they had left their belongings. A big rug woven from sheepskin covered the cold stone floor.
"Alright, get to bed! Now!" Natsu ordered, loud enough for the others to hear, then he slammed the door shut.
'What the fuck am I even doing?'
Lucy did as bid, giggled as she fell on her stomach to the bed. She supported her upper body on her elbows and glanced at him over her shoulder. Frozen in place, Natsu stood at the doorway. Perhaps he had been too drunk to think this through because putting her to sleep could be more challenging than he thought. She wasn't sleepy at all.
"And what then?" Lucy asked.
Natsu tore his eyes away as he realised how long he had been looking at the shapes of her body. That blue dress brought them up too well. She had been wearing the same dress at Gray's house in Morthal, at the best morning after the worst day of his life. "T-then, you go to… sleep," Natsu stuttered, dying from his nervousness. "Good n-night."
Lucy laughed, but then her face fell as she realised he meant it. "Good night? Oh, come on," she whined and rolled onto her back. "Aren't you going to fuck me, after all? I just thought you'd –"
Just hearing her using language like that made him shiver. "What? Of course not. You're high as a cloud and I'm not gonna take, or let anyone else take any advantage of that. I just brought you here so that you could sleep that off and –"
Lucy sat up, leant forward, taking support from her knees as she gazed into his eyes. Her dress was revealing a bit too much cleavage, Natsu only noticed now. "Well… The world's ending, and I'd rather not die as a virgin," she said. "Come on… it's not like we're gonna die or anything…"
Natsu pinched his brows together as her arguments basically invalidated one another. First, she said they were going to die anyway, and then she said they wouldn't die. While it was true that the world might've been nearing its end, they were the ones supposed to save it and not fool around.
"I… I don't think it's a good idea," Natsu said, still not daring to take a single step further from the door.
Lucy pouted. "Should I go ask Gajeel for that special treatment, then?" she wondered. Her speech was clearing up, the nonsense now replaced with rather sensual content that made Natsu crawl out of his skin. But if her speech was clearing up, perhaps the effects of the tree sap were already clearing out, too?
"You're not getting back there in that state, sorry," Natsu answered. "You just… You just go to sleep. It's the best choice, believe me."
She chuckled, as if she hadn't heard half of what he was speaking. "Well, I don't mind, since you're my first choice anyway…"
So, the sleeping tree sap had truly made her as virile as a cave troll in heat. The problem was that she wasn't a cave troll, but rather an attractive young woman. It would've been easier to turn down a cave troll… No, just what am I thinking? Natsu brought his hands to his face, resisting the urge to slap himself. He'd never had trouble turning anyone down, and he still didn't, but…
It was Lucy.
Natsu sighed, wiped the sweat from his forehead into his sleeve. She wasn't the first woman who wanted to take him to bed – it was obvious to him at this point, he wasn't that oblivious – but by the gods, she was Lucy. Lucy wanted to sleep with him, and he couldn't help but wonder if this was just because of the sleeping tree sap or if she had been thinking that before, and if she had, for how long. Because Natsu hadn't. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind, not until now, when someone he trusted in wanted him.
"Don't you think I'm pretty?" Lucy asked after a little silence, her eyes growing sad.
"Gods…" he sighed – in fact, he found her very beautiful. "Yes, you are pretty, I just don't –"
"You don't want me?"
Natsu bit his lip, accidentally drawing blood again. Perhaps he wanted her – he liked how soft she felt in his hands – but he knew he'd better not touch. He covered his chin into his palm, but Lucy noticed it anyway. She stood up, walked closer to him, close enough to step on his toes.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to bite yourself when you're nervous?" she said with a smile, then wiped the blood from his lips.
Natsu looked down into her eyes, suddenly locked into her gaze, too dazed to notice how Lucy tiptoed herself and cupped his cheeks into her hands. Only when her mouth almost brushed against his, he was startled awake from the sudden haze and pushed her away with a frightened shriek. Lucy let out a disappointed sigh when Natsu marched to the other side of the room, as there was nowhere else to escape – well, he had locked the doors by himself, and now he'd have to deal with her on his own until the effects of the goddamned tree sap would wear off.
And it wasn't just Lucy he had to deal with, but his own feelings, too.
Feelings he had believed he'd never have.
"This is not like you, Lucy," Natsu hissed with a half-humorous tone as he rested his back against the wall. "Not at all!"
Lucy followed him, smiling. "And how'd you know what's like me?"
That didn't even make any sense, but Natsu had no time to ponder about that when she approached him again. 'What in the Oblivion should I do?' His mind ran through his scarce options, not even one of them anyhow good. Would a Calm spell work? Probably not, since she wasn't necessarily aggressive in her pursuit… yet. Was there even a spell for making someone un-seductive? Because that was what she was being at the moment. Seductive.
And never before had he struggled to resist that, but now he did. Just how did a boy like him get into this? He struggled to not give in – even if he'd sworn by his honour not to touch her when she was like this, his body disagreed with his mind. And the more persistent she became, the harder it got to resist.
Only because it was Lucy.
"What are you so scared of?" she asked and placed her hands on his chest. Now that they were alone, Natsu didn't give a damn about the way she touched him. "It's not like it'll hurt. Not me, at least…"
"We can't do this, Lucy," Natsu answered, stepping away again. A part of him wanted to stay close to her, relish in the warmth of her touch, but he knew he shouldn't. This just couldn't happen. They were friends, just friends, not more than that. "Seriously. Y-you could –"
Persistently, she kept following him as he circled around the room. Her steps swayed as she struggled to walk a straight line. "Don't worry about that. I can't have children."
"And how do you know that!?"
"A dragon told me."
'Just what are you talking about?' Natsu wondered, confused beyond measure. He knew fairly well how children were made, and it was a risk they simply couldn't take. And she didn't look like a woman who couldn't have children. Natsu couldn't explain how he knew. Perhaps there was an instinct in his head, something that told him that if he didn't want to become a father just yet, he'd better keep his pants on. Her shapes were basically screaming for fertility. And as such thoughts just flooded into his mind, he wanted to slam his head to the stone wall to make them disappear.
"For fuck's sake, that's not a reliable source of information –" he exclaimed, but halted when Lucy started loosening the laces of her dress. "Hey, stop undressing!"
"Oh, so you could tear it off me instead?"
"Lucy," Natsu called her name quietly, opening his palms in surrender. This time, he just had to talk his way out of it. Nothing else would work. He had to outsmart her somehow, and he had no idea how to do it. "I-I don't want you to do anything you'll regret next morning, so it's better to –"
"Just come here and let me love you!"
" – not do anything at all!"
Already running out of options, Natsu crouched and began to crawl under the bed – he had been good at hiding under the bed when situations escalated – but Lucy grabbed his ankles and pulled him out. He rolled to his back and began to push himself up, but Lucy tumbled down on top of him, giggling. And as her weight locked him to the ground, she caught his hands, interlocked her fingers with his and pressed them into the wool rug. In a moment's silence, she gazed deep into his eyes, with need and desire and love, admiration, and Natsu swore he could get drunk by that alone. The way she looked at him now, that just –
Then she pressed her lips on his.
Stunned and dazed, the first thing he understood was her taste in his mouth, sweet and warm. She let go of his hands and cupped his cheeks, pulling him even closer, like this wasn't as close as it could get. His whole body tensed from the surprise that she really kissed him, that she was still kissing him, and he didn't know what to do, what he was supposed to do while being kissed by a girl who was also his best friend. He closed his eyes, lifted his hands, searching for something to grasp, fumbling on her shoulders towards the back of her head.
He couldn't breathe, but he didn't really need to. He didn't think he could if Lucy would pull away now, like she'd stolen his breath away forever. Gently, she sucked on his lower lip, and for a second Natsu thought how strange it was that the same part of a human body that was being kissed was the one doing the kissing, but the thought withered under the cascade of emotions that overwhelmed his confused mind. He felt how her soft lips twitched into a smile against his mouth before she lifted herself, letting him gasp for air. Supporting her upper body on her elbows, she gazed into his eyes again.
Without thinking about anything anymore, Natsu grasped her hair and pulled her back.
Yet somewhere in the back of his mind, there was this little voice of reason screaming, 'man, what the fuck are you doing, stop that right now, immediately, come on, let her go,' but the more he lost himself into the kiss, the more his senses faded. He couldn't resist, not anymore, even if she had poison on her lips he'd still die for a taste. He dug his bony fingers into her scalp to hold her in place so she could never run away, never disappear from him.
Right then, at the moment that he would cherish for the rest of his life, there was nothing else in his world than her. Her scent, her soft skin, her hasty heartbeat drumming against his. Even the taste of her blood paled to this, an otherworldly bliss that turned his whole world around. Everything he had once believed in was gone, changed, taken over by her. He had thought he'd never come to love anything or anyone, but he had been wrong.
As Lucy pulled herself away from the kiss, he felt like all the lights faded, like he died and he'd only come back to life when she'd kiss him again.
"What made you think I'd ever regret you?" Lucy whispered, pressing her forehead against his.
And upon those words, Natsu realised that he loved her.
A curse escaped from his lips, but she silenced it with hers, the cascade of emotions within him feeling like explosions that broke all of his bones. That's how falling in love felt? Like falling from the skies to the bottom of the ocean, crushed by the pressure and grounded to dust when everything else just vanished? Like for a moment, for just a small moment his chest was torn apart, mangled over and over by the realisation, the awakening, that by Sheogorath's beard, he was in love with her – utterly, hopelessly, insanely in love.
Had probably been for a long while.
Surreal and astounding, it had been the spell she got him under, the ethereal feeling that he hadn't been able to name until now. He couldn't trace it back where it had begun, he just knew that it had brought light to his darkness, made him lucid, clear just like the first ice on a lake. There were no words to tell her how he felt when he was with her, but she didn't need to hear it. She knew him without an uttered word, had always seemed to know. In a profound way, she illuminated his world, caught his hands and took him into a place that he couldn't explain, couldn't describe. He just knew that this was where he belonged.
Natsu hadn't noticed when, but all the candles in the chandelier had gone out, and the chamber had grown dark. He was still dazed, taken high by the chills that thundered down his spine like chain lightning, but now the haze began to clear up. Lucy's body against his was burning hot, like she held pure dragonfire within her, and he just wanted to get close, closer to that fire, cremated in the heat like a moth drawn to a flame – if he'd die in her arms tonight, that would be a perfect way to go.
Softly, Lucy moved her hands down on his neck as she moaned against his lips. She caught his white scarf and pulled it out from his shoulders, tossing it aside. She broke apart from the kiss, inhaled air and straightened her back, straddled on top of him. In the darkness, Natsu just gazed at her face, her smile, wondered how could he ever get so lucky to find her. Hers was the only name he could recall, hers was the only face he could see. Her fingers played with the neckline of his tunic, bold and brave, and Natsu knew she wanted more than kisses.
Well, he did, too.
He just knew that they shouldn't.
"Eh… Lucy," he started. It was difficult to speak, as if his tongue had gone numb. He caught her hands from the wrists and looked into her eyes. "We… We really shouldn't do this. Not… now."
Lucy smiled, pressing herself closer to his body. Damn, how it almost hurt. "Why?"
"B-because… I… Well, I'm a bit drunk and you're on tree sap, so it… it wouldn't be right."
"You think I am?" she smirked. "I can't even feel the sap anymore, really."
Well, that… that had to be a lie. It didn't wear off that quickly. He could see it in her eyes. The sharpest effects might've worn off, but the sap was still certainly there.
Suddenly, he began to shiver as all the courage left his body. He had thought that she was high, that it was the tree sap that made her like this, that she would forget it all the next morning. Fuck it all, he had been so caught in the flames of his emotions that he completely forget how much this would change. He might've been ready to kiss her, acknowledge that he was in love with her, but was he ready to face the aftermath?
No, he wasn't.
And she wasn't ready either.
Maybe, in the back of his mind, he had thought that he could just let it happen once and then let it pass, but it wasn't like that. He had already crossed the line, reached the point of no return, and it just frightened him to think that what if she didn't want this once the sap would finally wear off? He had been a fool, followed his hands and not his head, knowing it was wrong all along.
"Just don't be afraid of me anymore, Natsu," Lucy said softly, stroking his cheek. "Trust in me as much as I trust in you."
Natsu placed her fingers on hers, gently stopping the movement. Torn between his senses and urges, he closed his eyes as his mind was screaming at his body to not do this. Lucy sensed his hesitation – damn, she fucking knew that he wanted it too, and it was the same as throwing bear fat to the fire. She smiled, crawled down on him and only the gods knew where she would've kissed him next if he hadn't caught him from the armpits and pulled her back up.
"No," he said, looking into her eyes and shaking his head. "No, sorry. Not until… Not until I'm sure that you're not on the sap anymore."
She just smirked, as if she had taken that as a challenge. "Tomorrow morning, then?"
Natsu's breath got stuck in his throat. Yes, she was still high, but most likely wouldn't be in the morning. She'd be back to her normal state, and normal Lucy would never be that bold, never even ask something like that… and that was where Natsu had to place his hope.
"Yeah," he whispered voicelessly, nodding. By the morning, Lucy would've hopefully forgotten this, or at least, wouldn't want it anymore. Or even if she would want it, she would understand why they shouldn't do it. They had a world to save, not a kid to grow. "O-okay."
"Is that a promise?"
Natsu nodded again. "Y-yeah."
The way Lucy smiled was almost mischievous. Natsu had known a long ago that in the end, she always found a way to get her will through. She had a dragon's will – he had just a man's. And as Lucy stood up, helped him on his feet as well, and then pulled him to the bed. As she wrapped her arms around him and drowned him in another kiss, Natsu realised that he was just a boy who had fallen in love with a dragon. And of all the places on Tamriel, he realised that in the Ratway of Riften.
A/N: I could talk about this chapter for a long, long time, so prepare for a small essay for the end of this chapter.
Honestly, this chapter felt a lot inappropriate to write. Many borderline themes here and there, but I came to the conclusion that since there's a lot of bad stuff happening in this story (villages burning to the ground, children orphaned by frost troll attacks…) I decided that I'll keep it this way. In an ideal world, Natsu and Lucy would have had their first close-call sexual encounter in a bit more sobered up conditions, but life isn't like that. Even real life is never "idealised," but I tried not to romanticize the inappropriateness in this chapter either. I'm an absolutist myself, I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, so my mindset is that it's always best to be sober. I feel the same way about my characters, but well, they don't always behave that well.
So, if drunk Lucy was a bit overly-affectionate, sleeping-tree-sap Lucy is a sexual predator. In this chapter, I had this question: what would Lucy be like if she got to grow in a more open-minded family, where sexuality wasn't completely shunned? She grew up with zero sexual education (as in this medieval setting was pretty usual) except for not-so-healthy stuff she heard from her friends, and adapted into this mindset that sex=bad and love=bad. Everything she could have developed into is sealed within her shell. That is something I can personally relate to, as for example, it was a taboo to even talk about boys or sex in my household, and I learned to hate the whole idea of that. It took a long time for me to "grow out" of that negative attitude. Here, sleeping tree sap quite released Lucy from that shy shell all at once, but maybe she's just gonna crawl back into her shell after this and hope nobody remembers anything.
The second thing I'd wanted to bring up in this chapter was consent. First off, Lucy wasn't in a condition to give proper consent to sex. Even if the tree sap made her horny as fuck, no-one could've told if that was actually her wish or just the tree sap messing her mind. So, a thumbs up for Natsu for not taking advantage on that and taking her out of the situation where someone else could have taken advantage. Then, a thing that's too often dismissed in real life and popular culture is male consent. People seem to think by default that men always want sex or are always ready for sex, which isn't true! An erection is not consent; it is an involuntary physical reaction. And men are thinking human beings, not automatons compelled to do as their erections tell them.
Natsu, however, was quite in between rock and hard place here. He's obviously in love with Lucy and has, on his own level, realised this himself, too. And as I've "labelled" him as a demisexual, it means he doesn't have sexual attraction until he has a deep emotional bond with someone. Now he has, and the attraction is starting to be there too. But while this situation was new, weird, and even challenging for him to handle I think he managed that fairly well, trying to keep them both "safe" until they'd both sobered up. When he said what he said, he was trusting that Lucy wouldn't even remember that next morning and gotten back to her regular, shy self already… We'll see if his strategy worked that far xD
Overall, as the title mentions, this chapter was about trust. When you are really close with someone, you trust them with your boundaries. You might screw up sometimes, but the trust is still there. They were safe with each other all the time. Even if it was awkward, it was something they can just laugh at when the time passes. And with the slow-burn, I'll have to say I originally didn't plan them to kiss here. That was supposed to happen a lot later, but one morning I just woke up like "KISS, YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKERS!" and then I made them kiss. Besides, it had been already over 300k words. I thought that what was the purpose of putting them into a situation like this if there wouldn't be any major development?
Phew, that was one hell of an chapter, but I'm even more excited to write what's happening next! I hope you liked this mammoth of a chapter :D
Next up: Trials
