CHAPTER 50: TRIALS 1/2
Lucy awakened to the scent of smoke, like wildwood burning in a campfire. It lingered on her skin, warm and familiar, as if attempting to lull her back to sleep. She resisted the call and opened her eyes. It was too dark for her to see, but she could hear a heartbeat, a steady rhythm that had echoed through her dreams to let her know that he was still there.
Gently, she lifted her head from Natsu's chest. She couldn't remember when they had fallen asleep. Her fingers were still intertwined with his, his arm wrapped around her back. His pale skin was the only visible thing in the darkness, and slowly the outlines of his face came clear as her eyes adjusted to the lack of light. Lucy smiled longingly as she rolled beside him, pushed herself to sit on the edge of the bed, and lit the candle on the nightstand.
As the small flame illuminated the room, she glanced over her shoulder to the still-sleeping mage. Natsu's hair was a mess, as her fingers had passed through it too many times last night, in ways both gentle and rough. At some point, Lucy had torn his tunic off him and tossed it to the floor. A hot blush crept back to her cheeks as her gaze travelled from his bruised eye to the many bruises on his neck, left by her lips. It looked like a starving vampire had feasted on him. There were tiny bloodstains on the light-brown linen sheets, but that wasn't his blood. It was hers.
Lucy sighed and traced her fingers down her jawline, feeling sharp stings on her skin where he had left his marks. They seemed to be cut from the same cloth, after all. He had kissed her neck with his teeth when he got carried away, but whether it had been a hasty accident or a reminiscent of his vampirism, Lucy wasn't sure. Perhaps a little bit of both. Either way, Lucy had liked that. If something bled, it was alive, and a little bit of pain reminded her that she still lived. As long as he didn't pierce her arteries with his fangs, all was good.
Lucy lowered her eyes to her chest. The laces on the neckline of her dress had been torn open, and the little vampiric bites now adorned her breasts. To her surprise, there weren't his handprints on her soft shapes. She had thought there would be. Still smiling, just slightly ashamed, she tied the laces to hide the evidence of their lascivious acts.
By the gods, what a night it had been, indeed.
As if sensing her disappearance from his arms, Natsu stirred in his sleep, fumbled on the empty side of the bed. He rolled on his stomach and when his scrawny hand found the side of Lucy's thigh, he stilled again. Lucy placed her hand on his, stroked his fingers, still remembering how they felt on her body. She remembered everything from drinking the tree sap to the moment they had both dazed out, and she regretted nothing. The sap had worn off somewhere in the midst of the first kiss she had stolen, but she had already taken the leap of faith, so why would've she stopped there?
It had been fun, after all – but how much did he remember?
And how much of it would he regret?
Natsu had been drunk enough to let himself get lured into her play and follow her lead in the lusty game, but not too drunk to forget. Or at least, so she assumed – it would get slightly more complicated if he didn't remember what they did. The wine must've given him the courage and boldness he had suddenly possessed, even if he still hindered in the end.
Natsu had said that he wanted to be sure that it was her and not the tree sap that wanted him, but each time it had sounded a little bit more like a lie. He had been up to it – literally up to it – but too afraid to cross that line. It wasn't because he thought she didn't want it. As the night went on, it had been obvious that she wanted it, but he had still refused to take it further than… whatever they had already done.
He had promised to carry on where they left at, but Lucy knew that it too had been a lie. A part of her wanted to wake him up and ask if he was still up to it now that she had surely sobered up, but she decided to let him sleep. They had stayed up far too late. She had lost the grasp of time and knew not how long they had made out. Maybe that was the purpose of it all? To drown the sorrow in comfort, get lost in the moment and live like there would be no tomorrow. Because that's what they did. Lived, just for once.
Lucy just hoped that Natsu wouldn't regret that they had been alive as human beings instead of stone-hearted heroes on the mission to save the world.
And somehow, she wanted him to know that she'd like to feel alive more often.
Lucy turned towards him, lifting her legs back to the bed. Once more, she brushed her fingers through his hair. It had grown long enough to reach his sharp shoulder blades. She gathered it into a ponytail, held it together with her hand, chuckling silently at the sight – it fit him surprisingly well. She released his hair and moved her fingers down his spine, clear and visible on his skin like a pearl string. She had grown familiar with the bones of his body, felt them all against her own, could draw a map of them just from her memory. Probably could've done so before this happened.
In the end, this didn't even change much.
Since the battle at Labyrinthian, when she had absorbed Krosulhah's soul and almost killed Natsu in that form, she had been more drawn to him. As if her whole world had turned into a blizzard and he was the last blazing hearth left, her only warmth, only comfort. She had stayed close to him ever since, slept snuggled up to his side to alleviate the frostbites in her soul. And the colder the world turned, the closer she wanted to get to that flame, closer and closer and closer until it she'd have his fire inside of her. Only that would be close enough.
Lucy caught the wool blanket at the foot of the bed, tucking both of them under it as she laid down next to him again. She pressed her forehead against his shoulder. He was always so warm, his skin feeling the same as the side of an oven when the fire had gone out, bringing her back to the comfort of home. He always felt like home. It was one of the many reasons why she loved him. As a friend, of course. Nothing serious, nothing frightening in the love for a friend.
Perhaps deep down she knew it was more than that, much more, but being honest with herself had never been one of her strengths.
As she kept gazing at his sleeping face in the candlelight, she kept telling herself that whatever they had was just comfort between friends. Trust and security, comfort and warmth. That was all she sought from him, what he sought from her. This didn't make them lovers. It didn't have to make them lovers, for what they had, what they were, that couldn't be labelled with the terms of the society. A best friend was the closest she could describe him with, for there wasn't a better name for the bond of companionship and trust they shared.
She knew what she had thought yesterday, how they were more than friends but less than lovers, but now she had realised that it wasn't something lesser. A friend could have more meaning and importance in one's heart than a lover ever would.
Lucy rolled on her stomach and crossed her arms under her head, face turned towards Natsu. He was still, breathing calmly. Lucy wondered if he dreamt of anything, as his dreams had returned after years of being absent. This night, Lucy had been free of nightmares, thank the gods. The bruise around Natsu's eye had darkened, turning purple in shade. How strange it was that just the night before she had been wrestling with him through the terrors of her sleep, only to end up with a different kind of wrestling tonight, both leaving marks on his body.
A sudden dread made her stomach drop, chest tighten in pain when she remembered that dream. Krosulhah had offered her an opportunity to show her worth, test her mettle, and she had taken it. In her sleep, she had been forced to live through the frost dragon's death, feel her agony as Natsu's fire destroyed her lungs. And this time, she had survived. It had been rough, but she did it. She trusted in his fire, surrendered to the flames, and let it burn her alive. Only when the sword made of Skyforge Steel had pierced through her skull, the pain had ended. And after that, there was emptiness, a mystery passageway deeper into the dragon's soul she had still left to explore.
And Lucy was just so glad that she didn't have to return to that place tonight. She didn't want to, not ever again, but how could she run away from her mind? At least for now, she had managed to evade that, but she knew she'd eventually have to face her own darkness. It was where the answers were kept.
She had only unlocked the way, but the journey was still undone.
Trying to cast away her nightmares, Lucy cupped Natsu's cheek, stroked the bruise and quietly called his name. He stirred a little, but didn't wake up. Lucy brought her hand back and smiled. Her stomach coiled as she was getting hungry – for actual food this time – and she thought that maybe she should just let him sleep. The wine must've given him a terrible headache, as it always did. She could head to the tavern for breakfast, then come back. Maybe bring some for him to eat too, something else than her neck. Chuckling, Lucy pressed a quick kiss on his cheek and wistfully left the warmth of the bed.
She had to take support from the wall to keep her from tumbling down. Her legs were weak as if all strength was stolen from them. Feeling lightheaded, her vision blacked out for a moment. An after-effect of the sleeping tree sap, she assumed. Inhaling deeply, she waited until the dizziness faded and then went to dig a few coins from the bottom of her bag. She found three septims, enough to buy a loaf of bread. She took her comb too. Her hair had been braided and then tied to a bun, but nothing was left of it now. Badly tangled braids fell to her shoulders in a dire need of being sorted out with a comb instead of the fire mage's fingers.
Grimacing at the pain on her scalp, Lucy began combing through her messy locks. Loose, cracked hair fell to the floor along with the violent tugs. When she was done, picked up Natsu's scarf that lay abandoned on the wool rug. She wrapped it around her shoulders to cover at least some of the bruises on her skin. Walking to the tavern with her neck eaten up would stir unnecessary jealousy in a certain ginger-haired resident, and she had no energy to deal with that now. As quietly as she could, she opened the door and stepped out, closing it without a sound behind her.
The Ragged Flagon was almost empty. The thieves worked at night and slept during days. Only the bartender stood behind the desk, cleaning mugs and organizing bottles. Haming was snoring on the bench, but Loke wasn't anywhere in sight. Gildarts had probably headed to his quarters to sleep. The blue-haired woman, Juvia, was writing something at one of the nearby tables. She raised her eyes from the paper to Lucy when she appeared.
"Good afternoon, lady," Juvia greeted with a smile. Her voice was still quiet and meek, but friendly. "Is there something you need? Could Juvia be of help?"
Two things surprised Lucy: the woman's kindness, and the fact that it was already afternoon. She smiled back at her. "Actually, yes. Can you show me to the privy?"
The woman nodded. "Of course. This way."
Juvia left her writing supplies on the table. Lucy stole a peek as she walked past it. Juvia had been writing a letter to Gray of Dawnstar, but many papers were tossed and thrown to the floor. Valuable parchment shouldn't be wasted like that, but sometimes putting feelings into words was challenging.
The silence didn't feel awkward as Lucy followed the woman across the hall. She had been shown last night where the crappers were, but she didn't like to go there alone. Juvia's steps were careful and considered, as if she was constantly avoiding invisible bear traps on the floor. The woman slowed her pace to check that Lucy was still following. Juvia's cheeks blushed slightly as she noticed the red marks on Lucy's neck, those that the scarf didn't cover.
"Oh, Juvia is happy for you. Juvia wishes to do the same with her beloved Gray soon," she congratulated, but then she glanced at Lucy's fingers. She still wore the enchanted ring, but not in the place of the bond of matrimony. "But you aren't married yet, Juvia sees."
"And I don't plan to be," Lucy answered, her tone assertive. She had expected Juvia to take a note of that, since she was so obsessed with marriage. "I'd like to live as a free woman instead."
Juvia gazed at Lucy's hands, her words seeming to unsettle her somehow. But then she nodded and turned her eyes back to Lucy's. "It's a courageous choice that not all dare to make, but Juvia trust you know what suits you the best."
If Juvia had already planned – or foreseen – her married life with Gray, Lucy was surprised to hear her say that. As she had said herself, Juvia was one of those who saved themselves to the priest's word, and that kind of people often thought everyone should do the same. Lucy believed that one didn't need the gods' permission to enjoy life, since the divines didn't really care. The gods barely existed, and if they did, they had other things to worry about than who bedded who before or after the priest's blessing.
However, Lucy was glad that Juvia didn't force those beliefs on others. Besides, Gray didn't have a shred of that virgin's purity left, so why should Juvia have, if those two intended to marry? That sounded not like an even trade to Lucy, but she decided to stay quiet about it. She trusted that Juvia knew what suit her best as well.
Juvia led her to the privy's door and waited outside until Lucy came back. The place was disgusting and shady, but still better than making her water in the freezing outside behind the bushes, as she had to do so far. At least she had learnt to hold it for as long as she could to reduce the times she had to expose her bare skin to the cold.
"Well, do you need a potion?" Juvia asked as they walked back to the tavern's side. Lucy stared at her quizzically.
"No, thank you," she answered in confusion. Did she look so unwell? "I'm feeling fine. I didn't drink that much."
Juvia gazed back at her, just as confused until she realised Lucy had no idea what she had been talking about. "Uhm, Juvia meant a… different kind of potion," Juvia muttered then, slightly embarrassed. "Juvia trades potions that prevent you from getting pregnant. Of course, if a child is what you hope for, then…"
Lucy blinked as she finally understood it. Natsu was living proof of the effectiveness of such potions, or rather ineffectiveness. "Oh, no, no, we didn't actually… do that," she answered then with an ashamed smile, shaking her head. Juvia's expression screamed of disbelief, but she remained silent. "Besides, I… I can't have children, so it's not an issue I need to worry about."
Juvia halted and glanced down at Lucy's body. "It's not true," she said sharply.
Lucy sighed as the woman's gaze lingered on her waistline, as if she tried to measure her fruitfulness just by looking at her shapes. Yes, she came from a prosperous family and she had never known hunger before, and that still showed on her body. The long travels and the lack of food had taken their toll, but her figure remained the same, soft and full. Despite that, there was no way Juvia could know what was going on within her just by looking at her.
"I'm going to be the last of my family line. It has been prophesied to me," Lucy explained. There was no annoyance in her voice, only wonderment. She wanted to know why Juvia thought it wasn't true that she couldn't have children.
"Who prophesied that?" Juvia asked, her eyes narrowing. "A hag? A seer?"
Lucy shook her head slightly. How could Juvia react if she said that a dragon told her that? A dragon's knowledge was far beyond human's comprehension. Any seer couldn't know more than an ancient dragon did. "An old midwife back at Helgen, who was also a seer," she lied instead. "Me and my friends visited her when we were kids, wondering how many children we'd have in the future. And she said I'd have none."
"Then she's wrong," Juvia replied. "Because Juvia is also a seer, and Juvia knows you can have children."
Lucy's eyes shot open as Juvia gazed straight into them. "But…" she stuttered, but Juvia placed her finger on her lips. There was sorrow in her deep blue eyes, deep as the ocean itself. For a moment, Lucy felt herself drowning in the sea, as if waves of the woman's psyche washed over her own, reading the threads of her lifeline like an open book.
"One child you will have," Juvia said with an otherworldly voice and released her from the spell. "One daughter, just like all your mothers and foremothers had before you. A beautiful girl, graceful and strong, with golden hair and emerald green eyes." Then she lowered her head. "This is what Lady Mara lets Juvia know."
Stunned, like the tides had washed her ashore, Lucy just stared at her without uttering a single word. She tried to speak, tried to refuse this, but no words came out of her mouth.
"But, just… how?" she mumbled, finally recovering from whatever Juvia had done to her. She could still feel warm water dripping down her soul, as if she had been swallowed into the ocean of Juvia's storming mind. "When?"
"That cannot be known to Juvia, just as Juvia cannot know when she'll have her own," Juvia said and then smirked. "Only time can tell."
Air got stuck in Lucy's throat. At least Juvia knew who she'd have those ten children with, if it was truly going to be Gray of Dawnstar. For fairness, she could at least prophecy that to Lucy, too.
But then Lucy realised she knew just one particular person with emerald green eyes.
She lifted her hands over her mouth, felt her cheeks blazing up. That just… That just couldn't be. They might've had some fun, but Lucy couldn't even imagine ever marrying him. She couldn't imagine Natsu marrying anyone either. If someone would succeed at luring him to the altar, he'd turn on his heels and run out of the temple, and never be seen again. And him as a father? No, no way. But as a father of her child, a child she wasn't even supposed to have? What a catastrophe. Screw Alduin, that would be the literal end of the world.
Then all colour left Lucy's face when it finally hit her that they had just almost actually done that.
Lucy buried her head into her hands, letting out a long, nervous sigh. Had she been so foolish that she believed in something that a dragon inside her head had told her? Lucy had talked about it to Erza, and even the warrior – who actually was childless – had doubted it. Her missing 'moon times' as Gajeel had called them could be traced to the extreme stress she was under, not a sign of actual infertility. There was probably nothing wrong with her body. It was her mind that wasn't functioning right.
Lucy felt so stupid, so incredibly stupid that she wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. Even if she had cursed that last night, now she praised the gods for putting some sense in Natsu's head, because she had completely lost all her senses. There must've been a primal instinct telling the man that getting naked with this woman would most likely result in some offspring, and thanks to that, Natsu hadn't let things get too far. She had always known she could count on him, even in a matter like this.
"Are you alright, lady?" Juvia asked when Lucy looked like she'd faint. Lucy peeked at the woman through her fingers, nodding slightly. "Would you like some water?"
"Yes, please," Lucy answered and seated to the closest chair, resting her head into her hands. "Kynareth save me, I'm such a fool… in so many ways…"
Juvia brought a clean mug from the shelf, but instead of pouring water from a jug, she cast a spell of sorcery Lucy hadn't seen before. Feeling the threads of strange magic in the air, Lucy raised her gaze and stared in awe as the woman filled the mug with water. Water, out of nothingness. She smiled and offered the mug to her.
Gods, she really should've just asked for water from her yesterday instead of drinking some tree sapped milk.
"You're welcome," Juvia said and sat down next to Lucy. She placed her hand on her trembling shoulders, her touch cool and soft like a still pond on an autumn morning. "Juvia is here to help you."
Lucy nodded with a small smile as she placed the mug on her lips. She sipped the water and swore she had never tasted a drink so clear and fresh in her life. River water tasted like sand and fish, lake water had the stench of rotting plants in it, even natural springs had their unique tastes. But this water was pure. She drank eagerly, feeling it bringing her dehydrated body coming back to life. When she was done, she asked for another mug.
"How do you do that?" Lucy asked in wonderment while Juvia refilled it. Her thoughts were still circling around Juvia's prophecy, and she wanted to put them to a stop. Just thinking about the mere possibility of having a child with Natsu threw her over the edge of her sanity. She thanked the gods for him not being here to hear that. Such discoveries seemed to turn a wicked woman into a religious one, it seemed.
"Juvia is a water mage," the blue-haired woman answered and gave the mug back to her. "It is a blessing from Kynareth, an art forgotten long ago. Juvia can transmute magicka into water, even bring rain upon her will. But as a child, Juvia couldn't control that yet, and so her homestead flooded with heavy rain. That's why her parents gave her away. It rained for half a year straight in Riften until… until…"
Lucy's eyes narrowed as she focused on Juvia's story. "Your parents abandoned you to Honorhall?"
"Yes, Juvia was left at the doorstep in a basket, but she doesn't remember that. But she remembers when the mistress whipped her bloody just to make the rain stop. That night, it rained blood over Riften before it finally stopped."
Lucy fell silent.
Glancing into the cup of water, she searched for the right words, but didn't seem to find any. The visions of her own possible child disappeared as she thought of the horrors young Juvia had to bear.
"They thought Juvia was cursed. Nobody wanted to adopt her. The headmistress made that clear. She would stay in the orphanage until her sixteenth birthday, when she'd be thrown out to the cold, evil world where mean people would use her for their own purposes. Juvia could bring rain. Farmers wanted rain. Not always, but enough for the crops to grow. They had families to feed, and they'd do anything to feed them." Juvia's eyes grew watery as she paused for a moment, leaving many words unsaid. "But then Gray of Dawnstar came to the orphanage."
Lucy listened curiously now. To Juvia, it didn't seem to matter if she answered or not. It was enough that she listened. There weren't many patrons in the tavern at the moment, except for Haming who was still sleeping at the bench nearby. For him, the tree sap seemed to work in relaxing and soporific ways.
"On his first day, Gray saw how Juvia spilt milk on the table," Juvia continued sorrowfully. "The headmistress started yelling at her for being a clumsy, cursed brat, but Gray stood up. Gray, the righteous hero was the first one who ever stood up and defended poor Juvia. Gray got the belt for that good. He got the belt so many times for Juvia…"
A lonely tear rolled down Juvia's cheek as her voice died down.
"Gray saved Juvia's life," she whispered then. "Juvia had already decided to drown herself to end her suffering, but then he saved her. One day, when Juvia had been locked to the room again, Juvia decided she wouldn't take it anymore. She ran away, headed down to the canals. She was sitting by the dock, swinging her bare feet in the water when Gray found her." She swallowed a powerful sob. "And Gray told her to live. He promised it would get better if she'd just hang on, fight for a little longer, so that's why Juvia… that's why she decided to live."
Lucy smiled wistfully, remembering how Gray had almost sacrificed his own life to protect her in Labyrinthian. He had used his last remnants of magicka to create a wall that separated her from the frost dragon's blizzard. Maybe deep down he wasn't as heartless as he let others know. Below the ice-cold surface beat a warm and caring heart. Maybe that's how orphans survived. They hardened their shell to survive in the cold, ruthless world, but kept their hearts open for those who felt the same. Connecting with others was the only way one wouldn't feel all alone.
However, Lucy's smile withered. If Juvia had wanted to take her life as a child, it meant that the conditions in the orphanage were truly terrible. It had been years since that happened, and it hadn't been getting better if children escaped and tried to summon the Dark Brotherhood to rescue them. And now that the poor boy at Ivarstead was going to move to Honorhall, it felt like a responsibility to barge in and intimidate some sense into the cruel headmistress's head. Grelod the Kind, she was called? Grelod the Spawn-Of-Molag-Bal would suit her much better.
"I'm so sorry you had to live through that," Lucy whispered to her. "You deserved better. At least Gray… at least he was there for you back then."
Since the woman's mind was so fragmented, Lucy wasn't sure if she could believe everything she said. One thing bugged her greatly: Juvia was an Imperial. Gray was a Nord. And Gray hated everyone who wasn't a Nord. He surely could've stood up for an innocent orphan girl who was about to get beaten for spilling milk, but did he really save Juvia's life? Or promising to marry her? Was Juvia just imagining everything? Lucy's stomach sunk at the thought. Maybe next time she'd meet Gray of Dawnstar, she'd ask him what truly happened between those two.
Juvia nodded sorrowfully. "Juvia's heart still grieves for all the children who have to live there. The headmistress has forbidden adoptions. The adopted children started telling… telling their new parents how they were treated, staining the name of Honorhall. So Grelod decided to raise all the orphans herself. Poor, poor children…"
Lucy grimaced from anger and disgust. "Has anyone tried to interfere? Tell the headmistress that she can't keep treating children like that, or… bad things will happen."
Juvia shook her head. "Nobody here cares. Juvia has tried to tell them, for someone to go and try to change things, but… it wouldn't be of help. Grelod is old and stuck in her ways. That's the only life she knows."
Lucy thought for a small moment, and then an idea popped into her mind – an idea fueled by her anger. "You know, they say I have the way with the words. I could go and try to talk to her," she said and smiled softly, with no joy in it. "I want to help people. Children, especially. The world's harsh enough as it is."
Juvia looked into her, disbelief in her deep blue eyes. "You have a good heart, lady, but Juvia doubts it will change things."
'No,' Lucy thought by herself, gazing at the woman in silence. 'A good heart changes nothing. A cold heart does. And a very sharp knife.'
She blinked as she sipped the water Juvia had conjured, knowing she should feel shocked by her own thoughts. But she didn't. She had already killed men and women who had probably caused less harm than the evil headmistress. Killing the old hag would be a perfect way to solve the problem, but there were certain… restrictions that made it more difficult, so she tried to cast the thoughts from her head. 'Maybe I should try talking first. I'd rather not serve the next decade in Riften's jail for a homicide…'
Kill or be killed, that had been the thought that carried her through the guilt whenever she had to take a life. That's what Natsu had taught her, the moral line he lived by: never kill the innocent. So far, she had only killed for self-defence. Someone had wanted to take her life, so she had to take theirs first. But was there really a difference? What was dead was dead. A kill was a kill, and her hands were already elbow-deep in blood. Besides, a promise was a promise.
She had promised to Aventus Aretino that she'd kill Grelod the Kind.
It was so long ago now, but she still remembered it. Back then, she never thought she'd even consider doing that. But things changed, and the things she had seen changed her. Sometimes she could realise that and see the change, as if she truly saw herself from eye to eye for a moment and wondered where was the Lucy she had once been. Buried somewhere beneath blood and guts, alive but barely breathing, screaming for someone to salvage what was left of her. The old Lucy reached out for her hand, but she didn't take it. She just coldly stated, 'This is what you wanted.'
Lucy chuckled dryly. Just last summer she had prayed for a change, for someone to come and take her for an adventure, out of the life that was killing her slowly. She found no sympathy in her heart for the person she used to be. A foolish, naïve girl with stupid dreams, who wouldn't survive a single day in the real world. That Lucy had to die, and so she turned and walk away, leaving her old self to the hands of fate.
But if she couldn't even save herself, how could she save the world? Or was losing herself the sacrifice she had to make in order to fulfil her destiny?
She was flinched awake from her thoughts when the blue-haired woman waved her hand in front of her. She turned her misty gaze from nothingness to Juvia, who smiled softly when their eyes met.
"Don't worry for Juvia, she's alright now," the woman said. "When she came to age, she was thrown out of Honorhall… and then she finally found her place in here. Made brothers of a different kind instead."
"I'm glad you did," Lucy wondered, tempted to ask if brothers of a different kind meant vampires and thieves, but it would've been a stupid question. Of course, it meant that. Gajeel had said yesterday that it was an agreement between him and Juvia that in return for protection, she offered him blood. And now Lucy understood why she needed protection. Juvia was a water wizard who could conjure rain, and there were people in this world who'd suck her out of all magicka just to get their drought-stricken wheat fields watered. "But what about Gray? Are you going to go to Winterhold now and ask for his hand?"
Juvia began to nod, but then she shook her head. "Juvia is going to send a letter to him, but she… she doesn't know what to say. She has never written a letter before, or… never really written anything."
"Want me to take a look at it? I used to be a merchant, so I kept a trade log, sent letters to other shopkeepers, that kinds of things," Lucy proposed. It had been too long since she had touched her journal, but she could help her to write the letter, just to prove herself that she hadn't completely lost friendly her heart yet. "I'll go get some breakfast, but after that, okay?"
Juvia's eyes began to sparkle. "Thank you so much, lady! There's still oatmeal left. Just tell to Vekel that it's on Juvia."
Lucy smiled quickly as she stood from the table, nodded as thanks, and then the smile died.
"Lady," Juvia called after her while she walked to the bar. "What's your name?"
She stopped, glanced over her shoulder and said, "I'm Lucy."
The name had never felt so foreign on her tongue.
Lucy had never imagined she'd be writing a love letter to Gray of Dawnstar, but now she did.
Well, theoretically she didn't write it herself. Juvia's handwriting was rather messy, and so she had requested if Lucy could write the letter instead. And so Lucy kept dipping the quill in the inkpot while Juvia rambled on about her feelings. She tried to pick some lines out of the endless word flood and write a condensed, well-thought letter. That was quite easy.
However, trying to forget the sight of troll guts covering Gray's butt-naked body wasn't easy. Lucy struggled to keep a straight face as she described Juvia's fantasies towards the frost wizard while having that image constantly flashing in her head, no matter how she tried to cast it away. Her innocence had truly died that day. She pitied Juvia for what she was getting signed up for. Marrying a man who got hard from killing frost trolls? Lucy didn't even want to know what kind of treatment Juvia would receive in the marital bed. And fortunately, that wasn't her business to know.
And as Lucy scribbled down Juvia's reminiscences of Gray's bravery and strength, she began to remember some details of that situation in Labyrinthian. She remembered that Natsu had covered her eyes, and she had never thought why. Back then she had whimpered from embarrassment when she had seen it. Gray had just said that it couldn't be helped, that the rush of a battle did that to a man sometimes. Did it do the same to Natsu, then? He had told the frost mage that it was a 'pretty good fucking reason to keep some pants on like the civilized folk do,' so maybe it did. Well, if not, at least sitting in his lap did.
But still, why had he covered her eyes? Was it because he thought she couldn't bear such obscenity, or because he didn't want her to see another man's dick? Had he been jealous of it, in his own, strange way? Lucy found it funny to think about it now. Natsu didn't need to be jealous of Gray. He was rather… well, better proportioned than the frost mage when it came to that matter. Maybe the real reason for their constant fighting was that Gray couldn't stand the fact that a half-elf had it larger than his? Only he would be so petty, but that was just typical for a Nord guy. They were all bad losers.
"I think it's about ready," Lucy said and put the quill down. The empty page was now written with honeyed words. Lucy almost prayed that Gray wouldn't recognise her handwriting as she offered the letter to Juvia. "Take a look."
Juvia read through it slowly, frequently nodding. "It's like… poetry," she answered as a whisper and lowered the page. "Thank you so much. There's no way Gray can refuse Juvia's proposal after reading this!"
"Yeah, indeed," Lucy answered, hiding the uncertainty in her tone.
The blue-haired woman seemed to melt into a puddle as she read the letter over and over again. "Would you… would you want to attend the wedding when it's held? Juvia doesn't have too many friends who'd be able to come to the temple during daytime."
The woman was getting way ahead of things, and it felt wrong to lie to her. Most likely, there wouldn't even be a wedding if the dragons would destroy the entire land. But Lucy didn't want to take away Juvia's hope and replace it with reality. Why exchange that joy with her bleak view and leave the poor woman as miserable as her?
"Sure," Lucy answered. "That would be great."
"The fire wizard could come too. He was friends with Gray, wasn't he?"
Lucy nodded. Natsu would probably do every possible thing to ruin Gray's imaginary wedding, but if Juvia wanted to believe those two were friends, then she was allowed to think so. "Yes, they are like brothers."
"Brilliant!" Juvia answered happily as she rolled the letter and sealed it with wax. She pressed a kiss on it when it had dried, then let out a dreamy sigh. "Juvia still can't believe it's really happening. She thought she'd never see him again, but now, just maybe…"
As Juvia started rambling again, Lucy leant to her hand and stared past the woman. Her gaze travelled across the walls, the doors of the bedchambers, then moved back to the empty bowl of oatmeal on the table. It had been too salty, but she had eaten it anyway, and spared the loaf of rye bread for Natsu. She missed him already and hoped he would wake up soon. She really didn't want to hear a word about Gray of Dawnstar anymore.
People walked in and out in the tavern, drinks were served and stories exchanged. Lucy observed that with a wistful curiosity, anything to distract her from the melancholy she was drowning in. Emptiness. It hit her like a tidal wave, washed over her mind and withdrew back to the sea until the rocking motion lulled her numb. She kept staring at the candle that stood in a silvery holder. Drops of wax drained down the candle's side as the flame ate its heartstring, slowly but surely closer to the end.
"… what did you think of those names? Juvia thinks Gregor would be a good name for the firstborn son. A warrior's name."
Lucy's eyes flitted to Juvia when she realised she had asked a question. She blinked a few times and nodded, not understanding what she had been talking about. Juvia opened her mouth to say something, but then a door behind them opened, making her fall silent as Lucy's attention turned fully to the man who stepped in.
But the moment Natsu's gaze met with Lucy's and he noticed the scarf wrapped around her neck, he turned around on his heels and walked straight back to the chamber. Lucy let out an amused, dry chuckle when the door slammed shut. The mage had looked as pale as a ghost, or as if he had seen a ghost.
"I… I'd better go talk to him a little," Lucy explained quickly and rose from the table. Juvia glanced at her quizzically. "Good luck with sending the letter, Juvia. See you later."
Juvia said something after her, but Lucy didn't hear. She hurried to the door, the amusement within her twisting into sudden dread. Just why had Natsu reacted that way when he saw her? Hesitating, Lucy rested her hand on the cool doorknob. What if Natsu really regretted it? Lucy swallowed before she stepped into the room, gently closing the door behind her.
There was no avoiding this conversation, after all.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," Lucy greeted, trying to sound like nothing had ever happened between them. The mage's back faced at her, but the position of his shoulders let her know he was covering his eyes. Apparently, Natsu wasn't in the same boat with her on pretending that nothing had happened. "Does your head hurt?"
When Lucy walked closer, Natsu turned around and took a step back. He had crossed his right arm on his chest, holding onto his elbow while he rested his chin into his left hand. Shaking his head, he avoided looking her into the eyes, and that just made Lucy's heart fall. Yes, he certainly had a killer headache, Lucy could see the pain in his eyes, but that wasn't all of it.
"Lucy, I... I..." Natsu tried to start, but only a hopeless stutter came out of his mouth. "I'm sorry, I really... I just don't fucking know what got into me. Sorry. I –"
He regretted it. Damn it, he was squirming out of his skin. He chewed his nails as if he was waiting for the punishment of the biggest mistake of his life. He didn't know how much she remembered, but the marks on their necks would've surely reminded her even if she had forgotten. Natsu must've realised that. He probably thought she'd be as mortified as she had been the morning after Jorrvask, while in reality, he was the one who was mortified now.
And he had no reason to be.
Determined to assure him of that, Lucy walked to him and reached for his hand, but he shoved hers away. She sighed and smiled softly. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not –"
Natsu shook his head again.
"I was drunk, okay? I was fucking drunk. I didn't think. I just… Gods damn it," Natsu sighed and looked down at the marks of his kisses down on Lucy's jaw. "I know, I know it's not an excuse, but I just –"
"Natsu," Lucy started with a calm tone, lifting her brows. "I started that, you know."
That didn't seem to help. "Yeah, and you were high. Shit, I'm so sorry. You just... you don't probably even remember everything, so..."
Lucy understood why he was so difficult. He had said that he wouldn't take or let anyone else take advantage of her, and now he thought he had taken it. This side of him she hadn't seen before. It definitely hadn't been the wine, since he had been drunk many times before and not shown a single hint of affection towards anyone. It was something else. Being intoxicated had been only a catalyst for both of them that set things into motion. The rest had been their own choice – he was just trying to deny it.
"No. I remember what we did," Lucy said boldly. It was better to be straightforward and honest here, she knew. There didn't need to be any more secrets between them. "And the tree sap wore off before we got into bed."
Natsu fell deadly silent as if he was falling through the floor straight into the depths of Void. Lucy had thought he couldn't get any paler, but he did. He squeezed his eyes shut, shielded his face with his hands and mouthed a silent curse. "… fuck."
Seeming like he'd faint, Natsu leant his back against the wall. As Lucy knew him, he had thought of himself as a person who had no appetite for the carnal dish. He had had no interest in such a thing, unlike Lucy. That's where they differed. Deep down, she always had an interest, a curiosity, but it was suffocated and shunned by the outer world. Whenever someone sparked that curiosity, she learnt to smother it down. She was to be married off anyway, so why pretend she had a free choice? Why get hurt on purpose, fall for someone she couldn't be with?
For all her life, she had believed it was wrong to want such things, as if touch was tainted, kisses poisoned. Finally, she had realised that she had been wrong. A kiss didn't kill anyone, warm hands roaming on her body left scars. She could do whatever she wanted, and nobody would judge or stop her, and suddenly she found herself wanting many things. Like a bird who had just escaped the cage, she wanted to explore the world, experience everything there was to experience.
This, too.
Even after the doors of her cage had been opened, she had still stayed in that cage for a long time. Now the time had come to bid those chains farewell and fly. Fly as far as her wings could carry and never look back. But Natsu, he just… he had always been free, never held in a cage. He had always been like that. Was she forcing him into something he was not? She had led and he had followed, but did he really want to? Had she been so blinded by her thirst for comfort that she had taken advantage of his loyalty?
And now the regret finally hit her like a hammer to the face.
"Don't fret, Natsu. It isn't like that's the worst thing we did yesterday." Lucy chuckled, desperately trying to lighten the mood. She swore she could cut it with a knife. This wasn't the aftermath she had expected, not at all. She had never thought that something that had felt so right would end up feeling so bad. "We also failed to save a trading cart and killed about six bandits, for example. And not too long ago, a kid was orphaned because we –"
"Lucy," Natsu interrupted her with a quiet, harsh voice. "This is different. It's about what happened between us, not some –"
"Yeah, I know. So what?"
It hurt, gods damn it. Had her recklessness destroyed their friendship? The thought of losing him because of this made her chin tremble. The tears welled up in her eyes, but to keep them at bay, she swallowed hard and kept herself together. She could fix this, but she struggled to find the right words. They had always said she had her way with the words, and suddenly she just didn't.
Natsu frowned, staring at her questioningly. "Are we… Are we even talking about the same thing? That we –"
"We made out, yes. I'm talking about that," Lucy answered. The nervousness gave an edge to her tone that she did not like, making her sound more annoyed than she was. That seemed to scare Natsu. The poor boy was shivering already. They both were. "If you think I'm mad at you, you're wrong. Nothing's wrong, believe me. I… I liked that." She turned her eyes to Natsu's. "Did you?"
The mage nodded, slightly easing Lucy's discomfort.
"But do you still regret it?" she asked.
Natsu looked away from her, chewing the bloody crust on his lower lip. There was a conflict in his silence that made Lucy's stomach curl. He didn't know what to say. He admitted that he had liked it, but he probably felt like he shouldn't have. There was certain sweetness in forbidden things that was difficult to resist. He had given in, tasted that, and now he wallowed in guilt as his conscience whipped him bloody.
Lucy just wanted to take that mental whip from his hands and burn it away. They were alive for such a short time, after all. Why spend that little, precious time in a war against yourself and what you wanted?
The silence stretched on until Lucy was sure the mage was about to burst into tears. Ignoring the tension in the air, she walked up to him, caught his hands and gently moved them from his face. "It's okay, I promise," she whispered. "There's no need to regret it."
Still, he refused to look into her eyes. "It was wrong."
"No, it wasn't."
"It was wrong, Lucy. I… I shouldn't have let that happen," he repeated, stuttering. "It shouldn't have been like that, and I… Shit, I just don't want things to change between us, you know?"
"What does that even change?" Lucy asked with a smirk. "We have been sleeping together since Morthal."
Natsu chuckled. "Not like that."
"And what's the difference? Snuggling is comfort. Kissing is comfort. There ain't too many comfortable things in the world left, so we might just as well keep doing that."
"It's not the same thing, for fuck's sake," Natsu answered, a bright blush rising to his cheeks. "And we should not keep doing that. Never should've let you sneak into my bed in the first place if I'd known it would lead to this. Because sooner or later we'll probably just end up…"
As Natsu silenced, Lucy filled up, "Fucking?"
Ashamed, the mage rolled his eyes. " – well, yeah, and we just… we just can't." He dragged his fingers down his face and sighed. "I… I don't know what's gotten into you, Lucy, but that's… that's not right. We can't keep doing that. You know why."
Lucy knew why, indeed, but the seriousness in his eyes made her guts sink. For once, she had thought she could keep fun without caring about the consequences – she had believed herself to be infertile, after all – but apparently, thinking one could escape from them was just a fallacy. Natsu was right, after all.
However, if that was the only reason he wouldn't budge about this, Lucy felt relieved. She hadn't used his loyalty to please herself against his will. Natsu had just kept the consequences in mind. Neither an ancient dragon nor a mentally deranged seer could tell her if she could have children or not. There was no solid proof for either claim. As long as the matter remained uncertain, she'd better not take that newfound comfort too far.
She just didn't know how difficult that would be.
"What did the dragon tell you anyway?" Natsu asked after a small silence, as if he knew what she had been thinking.
"That I'm the last Dragonborn there shall ever be," Lucy answered quietly. "That my line of blood ends with me."
"And were your parents Dragonborn?" he bounced back the question, causing Lucy to shake her head in uncertainty. "I'm no-one to say this, but being a Dragonborn probably isn't a simple hereditary matter."
"Talos and his heirs were all Dragonborn, as the dragon blood passed down the family line for generations," Lucy said, recalling the knowledge from the book Natsu had found in the monastery. "But how became one isn't known. I talked that with Arngeir in High Hrothgar. He just said that dragon blood was gifted to me by Akatosh, that's all I know."
Natsu rubbed his chin. "So, the dragon told you that you're going to be the last Dragonborn, and because of that, you think you can't have children? There seem to be some missing pieces, Lucy," Natsu said, growing difficult again as he switched back to the topic. "We just… can't trust that, you know? We can't take that risk."
Lucy nodded. With time, she would find the truth. What mattered to her the most was that this had been Natsu's biggest problem. As they both slowly realised that no damage was done between them, the atmosphere eased.
"Okay, I'm fine with that," she agreed, playful disappointment in her tone as she walked close enough to step on his toes. Then she smirked mischievously. "But if that's the only problem, then maybe we could… share that comfort in other ways, then?"
Natsu snorted. As his back was against the wall, he couldn't back away from Lucy's closeness. "Seriously? That's what we are going to be from here on out? Comfort?"
Lucy shrugged. "Why not? It wouldn't have to mean anything. We could just… play around a bit for fun. Alleviate the pain. Make it a little easier to watch our doom approach."
Natsu blushed, shielding his face with his hand.
"What's going on, Lucy? Like really going on?" Natsu asked, his voice finally soothed down. "This just… This isn't like you, not at all. It wasn't too long ago when you freaked out by the mere thought of... doing anything with me."
"Maybe I learned something from Cana," Lucy answered, smirking as she placed her hands on his chest. "When I go to Sovngarde, I want to say that I lived my life to the fullest and enjoyed every moment of it. And in times like this, I don't think it's the wrong philosophy."
"Well, you promised you wouldn't go to Sovngarde without me," Natsu said. "That's not a place of a Breton, you know."
"At this rate, we'll both end up in the Void anyway."
Natsu chuckled.
"Now I see why Igneel warned me of the innocent ones," he said. "They don't 'play around' that often, but when they do, they're freaks."
"Weren't you a shy one, too?"
Lucy couldn't help but laugh as Natsu realised he had outsmarted himself. She pressed her face into his chest, breathed in the relief as the tension finally melted from the air. For a brief moment, she had thought she had ruined everything.
"Are we good?" Lucy asked then.
Natsu nodded softly. "Yeah. It's just… It's something I need to get used to, I think. Just… give me some time, okay?"
Lucy raised her brows as she pulled her head back, glancing up to his face. "So you're considering my offer."
With a surprised laugh, Natsu answered, "Did I say that I am?"
Lucy kept smiling as she gazed into his eyes. There was something different in the way he looked at her, like his inner world was thrown into turmoil each time their gazes met. Maybe it had been like that since the beginning, but Lucy hadn't seen that until now. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around her back while Lucy clutched his black tunic in return.
"You're the best friend I ever had, did you know that?" Lucy said after a silence.
A quick smile crossed his face, then he pressed his forehead against hers. "You're mine, too."
And for that brief moment, everything was alright.
Lucy basked in his warmth that was like balsam on the wounds in her soul. Despite everything that happened, he still opened his arms and welcomed her in an embrace that made the pain disappear for a while. And Lucy knew it was the same for him. They were one and the same, after all, and nothing would ever change that.
Not even the approaching doom.
When Lucy realised that she was missing his voice, she remembered the thing she had wondered yesterday, but never got the time to ask. She pulled herself slightly back so she could see his face. "By the way, what was the private matter you wanted to talk about with the vampire?"
Natsu chuckled, curiously rising an eyebrow. "Wait, what did you think I asked?"
"Something about your vampiric reminiscences, I'd assume."
Natsu tried to keep his expression serious, but failed as he cracked into a smile. "Gods, no," he muttered, shielding half of his blushed face with his hand as he shook his head. "Lucy, I… I asked if he knew about my brother."
Suddenly, Lucy's amusement was gone. She grasped tighter onto his tunic.
"Well… did he?"
Natsu nodded, and Lucy fell completely silent.
"Apparently, Zeref now lives in Castle Volkihar, a home for an ancient and powerful vampire family," Natsu sighed. "Gajeel met him there some years ago. Zeref was gifted with the vampire lord's blood when he brought his lost daughter back to the castle. But the other things that Gajeel said about him… those didn't sound so good."
"Why didn't you tell me? That must've been pressing you a lot, especially after what Clavicus told you."
"Why, huh?" he answered, smirking. "Think you know why." Natsu poked her forehead with his finger. "My brother hasn't been in my life for years. I like to focus on people who are actually here instead of chasing ghosts. And well, when I came back and you were like… that, I… kinda forgot."
Lucy grinned. It was sweet how embarrassed Natsu still was, his speech turning into hopeless stutter and his cheeks flaring red. But if he had truly just forgotten about learning the location of his long-lost brother when she started honeying him, it meant that she had succeeded in the impossible. She had once thought it would be easier to seduce an undead Draugr than Natsu of Dragonbridge, but it had been surprisingly easy in the end. Maybe almost becoming an undead himself had changed something…
Before Lucy got too distracted, she switched back to the topic. "What were those other things, then?"
Natsu's gaze went past her as he stared into nothingness in silence. "Even by vampire standards, he's frighteningly powerful. His vampirism is different. It doesn't originate from the disease, as mine did, but from Molag Bal himself. He's been made a true-born, pure-blooded vampire, those who walk as lions among the sheep," Natsu told and paused for a worried sigh. "But Gajeel said that he hasn't heard anything about them in years. The whole clan seems to have disappeared. Back to square one, in other words."
"At least now we know which doors we should go knocking first," Lucy said with an empathic, soft smile. "Where is this Castle Volkihar?"
"Northwest coast of Skyrim," Natsu answered, but shook his head again. "We're not going to knock those doors. Gajeel said that it's not a place for a mortal. And I don't doubt him."
"But I am a dragon."
A wistful half-smile crossed Natsu's face, fading as quickly as it came. "Yes, you are. And we've got more important things to do than go searching for my vampire brother. Let him sulk there in his castle for all eternity."
"More important things?" Lucy echoed, smirking. She didn't like the way how this talk of Zeref brought sadness back to his eyes. She wanted to chase it away.
"Yeah, like slaying dragons and saving the world, for example."
"I know just one dragon who you could slay right now," she teased.
Natsu rolled his eyes and let out an amused chuckle. "Gods damn you, Lucy."
"Come on," she whispered. "You could slay me with that flaming spear of yours."
Natsu cracked into laughter. "You –" he started, but laughter suffocated his words. "You've been reading too much Lusty Argonian Maid!"
"But you knew what I was referring to, you naughty little half-vampire half-elf with a –"
" – and you're the one who corrupted my innocent soul!"
Lucy laughed. "I think I'll be the one to punish you next since you never actually did."
"You famished, wingless beast – "
"Just come here a little bit!"
" – are gonna be the death of me!"
Lucy loved the way how Natsu shrieked when she tugged him from his tunic, how his voice died when she pressed her mouth on his. His body tensed under hers from the surprise, but then he eased into the kiss. She walked backwards and dragged him along, collapsed to the bed with him falling on top of her.
"Okay, okay, okay –" Natsu stuttered, broke away from the kiss and straightened his back, now sitting on her hips. "Alright, if you really want it so bad, then I'm gonna punish you now."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
Suddenly serious, Natsu placed his hands on her waist. Lucy held her breath, surprised by the shift in his demeanour. Well, he didn't consider long, it seemed. Chills shot down her spine like lightning when he traced his bony fingers up her sides, her lungs bursting from anticipation with his next move.
Then, a mischievous grin crossed his face.
"Gotcha!" Natsu exclaimed as he dug his fingertips between her ribs. Uncontrollable laughter erupted from her as he tickled her sides with no mercy. "You like that, huh?"
Lucy tried to squirm her way out of his hold, but it was useless. She rolled onto her stomach and Natsu caught her legs instead, tickling her from the soles now, making her scream. "Natsuuu, stooop!"
Natsu laughed as she kicked and writhed, and Lucy knew he wouldn't stop that without drastic measures. He caught her thigh and aimed to tickle the backs of her knees, but Lucy extended her leg and kicked him straight to the face. His laughter twisted into a pained welp, and Lucy was freed. And while he was still rubbing his cheek, Lucy decided to take on her revenge.
"That… That was cruel," she muttered as she gasped for breath, climbing to his lap. She cupped his cheeks and brought his face so close her nose touched his. "You don't want to awaken the dragon, don't you, boy?" Natsu grinned as an answer, and so Lucy kissed him again.
Then, there was a knock on the door.
"Hey, Natsu, I've got to talk to you," Gildarts's voice carried through the wood. "As soon as you, uhm… can."
Natsu cleared his throat as Lucy pulled her face away, both holding back laughter. "Yeah, yeah. Coming."
Cursing, Lucy rolled down from him, seated on the edge of the bed and straightened the laces of her dress. She couldn't tell if Natsu was relieved or annoyed when he walked to the door, but he for sure was embarrassed to death when Gildarts saw him. The old mage studied him with an analytical gaze, glanced at Lucy, then a smug grin emerged on his face. He raised one brow as he turned his eyes back to Natsu, as if congratulating him.
"Son," Gildarts started, taking a deep breath as he nodded. "I'm proud of you."
"Fuck you, gramps. What do you want?"
Even though Natsu practically hissed to Gildarts, there was still a certain crumb of respect and friendliness, a hint of humour in his tone. Lucy knew how much Natsu had hated his own father, and witnessing the relationship these two had warmed her heart. Gildarts even called him 'son'.
Gildarts cleared his throat. "There are things we need to discuss about, but maybe that can wait if you were in the middle of –"
"We're just finished, so yeah, let's hear it," Natsu answered and turned away from the door, picking up his cloak from the wall. "Your quarters?"
Gildarts nodded.
"I, eh… I'll go pick something to eat first, okay?" Natsu said.
"Of course. A man's gotta eat. It's rough work, I know."
Natsu rolled his eyes and gestured at the door. "Shut up and get going. We'll be there in a moment."
The damned grin didn't leave the older mage's face as he left the room. When the door was closed, Natsu turned his gaze to Lucy. For a moment, they stared at each other in silence, wondering how in Oblivion did they ever get to this, but then they both cracked up. They laughed endlessly, holding their aching stomachs and shedding tears of joy, losing themselves into the comfort they had found. The doom could just wash over them and they wouldn't even notice.
Not until it would be too late.
A/N: Hi guys, hope you enjoyed this chapter! It took me a little longer to write. I took a little break after writing the double chapter, and I also completely rewrote chapter 1. I posted that today, too :)
This chapter was one hell of a trial to write, indeed. The title comes from Starset song called "TRIALS", and it's about the aftermath and the change that just went on in the previous chapter. I kinda like the combo these chapters form. "Trust and Trials", sort of. Anyway, to the actual contents of this chapter.
So, I decided to make Lucy not regret anything that happened between her and Natsu, which might come a little bit unexpected to some. It might not even fit her character, but hopefully the other hints in this and the previous chapters tell enough how radically the events have changed her. She's becoming the opposite of herself, and to survive somehow and keep her sanity, she clings to Natsu. He's her only source of dopamine at the moment. Writing her points of view is very challenging because her mind is basically shattering apart, and she's becoming "unrealiable" as a character.
The second half of this chapter will be completely in Natsu's point of view. While Lucy feels like she's fine, Natsu notices this change. He knows everything is not right, but he struggles to tell about that to Lucy. She just can't see that herself. Personally, I find Natsu's role very sad. He's hopelessly in love with Lucy, but she's unable to love him the same way - but he thinks she does. The second part will definitely explain and open this chapter a lot better, I promise :D
