CHAPTER 53: HONORHALL
Content warning: child abuse, violence, mentions of miscarriage and stillbirth
The passage.
It opened in the darkness in front of her – a bridge built from bones that lead across the abyss, to the other realm where only dragons reigned. She stood alone at the threshold and stared into the nothingness waiting for her, calling her by the name, for it was a bridge she had built, a bridge she was meant to cross. Still, she hesitated, for she knew that there would be no turning back once she'd reach the other side.
Tides of emotions washed over her in a fading rhythm, like the aftermath of a raging storm. Fear, pain, sorrow, things she had once felt, burdens she had to leave behind if she wished to cross the bridge. She had felt that agony once, embraced it too tight, hold onto it as if it was her anchor – and now the time had come to let it go, for it was a dead weight she couldn't keep dragging along. Anchors were like that. Sometimes, one held onto them long after the storm had passed, and holding on caused more pain than letting go.
And so, she finally let it go.
Without looking back, she stepped on the bridge and moved forward – and suddenly, she didn't feel alone anymore. She passed down the passage her ancestors had passed before. She heard the echoes of their voices, those who had known the language of dragons and carried the dragonblood within their hearts. The deeper she delved into the darkness, the lonelier she got. The voices grew silent, for only a few had slain dragons before her – and in the place where the bridge led her, she found him.
The first of her kind.
In the dome of darkness, there were three presences. She knew two of them – Krosulhah and Sahloknir, the remains of their souls and knowledge were resting here, but then there was the third. A stranger, uninvited, the ghost of an ethereal being that did not belong here, but had always belonged. Krosulhah had told her about him. He had served the dragons and been an esteemed, powerful priest among their order. Then he had turned against them, becoming something they feared… and he could've defeated Alduin. He had just chosen otherwise.
For a moment, she was confused – she knew not why this stranger was here, knew not how he had arrived, but then she realised that he had been here far longer than she. She had just arrived. He had been waiting here for thousands of years, because this wasn't her soul anymore.
This was the plane where dead dragons dwelled.
"And so, the First meets the Last, Lucy Heartfilia," the man's voice said. "I've been waiting for you to finally arrive here. I've watched you from afar… and so has He."
Then, more presences awakened behind the First Dragonborn. She hadn't sensed them at first, but now she did. One by one, she counted the shadows of the dragons behind the man. There were twenty-two of them. Those were the ones he had slain, whose power he had absorbed, whose knowledge he had gathered. And immeasurably strong resonance vibrated between the man and the dragons, like ropes, like chains, and he was the one holding the reins.
On the other side of the darkness, she could see the bridge that would lead to the soul trapped within the physical manifestation of the First Dragonborn. This place was the burial ground for the dragons who the Dragonborn had slain, for their souls couldn't contain the entirety of a dragon's soul – or several dragons, as was his case. She struggled to comprehend it, but slowly, the knowledge began to seep in through the cracks in her soul, and she doubted no more.
"Who?" she asked.
Amongst those shadows, something else was watching her, too. An Eye. All-waking, all-knowing. His presence lingered in the darkness, peeked behind the veils of Oblivion, waiting for her to turn her eyes to Him. She didn't. She knew that once she'd look into the Eye, she wouldn't be able to look away. She kept her gaze locked on the First Dragonborn, the twisted shade of what was left of him, while the stare of the Eye burned her back.
"The guardian of the unseen, the knower of the unknown. The Prince of Fate, the Lord of Secrets. You'll come to meet Him, too. All seekers of knowledge come to Him, sooner or later. But beware, and hear me: He will betray you as He has betrayed me," the First Dragonborn said, his presence growing clearer in the darkness, but she still couldn't see his face. "I know what you're seeking: the way to defeat Alduin. He is going to offer you that power. And you have to refuse."
She nodded, knowing he was speaking about the Eye that watched over them both. The Prince of Fate, the Lord of Secrets? A mass of shadows, of darkness and light, good and evil intertwined as unknown intentions, as unforeseen consequences. Though she couldn't name Him, she knew what He was. The Gardener of Men, and the roots of the First Dragonborn reached deep into the hollow soil because of His doing. He was the source of his corruption, and in that way, Krosulhah had been wrong.
Staring at the ethereal presence in front of her, she wondered how he could still exist – he had lived during the Dragon War in the Merethic Era, after all. Thousands of years spanned between their lives. In this place, the souls of the Dragonborn could come in contact under certain conditions: they must have killed a dragon, and they must be alive. How this was possible, she couldn't know. Maybe it was connected to the Eye – she felt the threads of energy flow between the man and Him, like strings sown on a puppet. The First might've kept the dragons in chains, but he was being chained just the same by something far more powerful and frightening than them.
On the edge of the darkness, she spotted the ruins of two other passages. Two Dragonborns had been here between the first and the last – she had read their names in the book the fire mage had found in the monastery. The other one had to be Reman Cyrodiil from the First Era, as the ancient Akaviri had recognised him as Dragonborn and followed him as the ultimate Dragonslayer, thus forming the Blades centuries later, but who had the second one been?
She wondered for a moment, then she realised it.
If the folklore said that Talos hadn't killed any dragons, they were mistaken, for she knew for sure that the second collapsed bridge had belonged to him. She remembered the statue of Talos on the steps to High Hrothgar, a brave warrior holding a greatsword on a serpent's neck. Ysmir, Dragon of the North, was where the legends originated from. Of course he had killed dragons. The history had just forgotten it. The dragons hadn't been nearly as extinct as everyone thought. Maybe they were never fully gone at all, just hiding in the lost corners of the world, waiting for their overlord's return.
But Talos was dead, ascended to godhood, and the few dragons he had slain during his life had dissolved into Aetherius with him. When she looked down to the mystical ground, she felt the same power she did on the Throat of the World, knowing she was walking in the footsteps of a god – and for the first time, she understood that she, too, carried the same divine strength within her. Dragonblood, the essence that had been granted to her by Akatosh, held power so immense she hadn't fully comprehended it until now.
And she knew what she was destined to do with that power. A fate she had been fighting against for so long had been written in the stars all this time. Alduin was destined to return. And she was meant to be the Dragonborn who'd finally defeat him.
"It's been said you could've defeated Alduin," she asked, turning back to the ethereal ghost. The deeds of First Dragonborn were lost to the ages, too far for mankind's memory to reach, but that's what Krosulhah had remembered. "What made you choose otherwise?"
"He," the First Dragonborn answered, and pointed at the Eye. "I was seeking for knowledge to turn against my dragon overlords, and He granted me this forbidden power. With it in my hands, I finally enslaved the dragons. I rode them, I killed them, I bathed in their blood, I devoured their souls. And when the Tongues came begging for me to help them kill Alduin, I chose not, because I was leading my own rebellion – I was trying to break free from Him." The man paused, as if letting out a deep lifeless sigh. "Knowledge always comes with a price. For all my life, I had served the dragons… and then I had to serve Him for eternity. That's the price I had to pay, but you are my successor. I want you to avoid the same fate."
She felt the Eye's silent gaze on her back, sharp enough to pierce through her. Krosulhah had said that the power of the dragons had corrupted the First One, how greed was mankind's greatest frailty, but now, she couldn't see it like that. She looked straight into the First, and all she could see was the desire to be free. Free as a dragon soaring through the skies instead of being chained down to earth. She couldn't blame him for that, but the choices he had made had led him to this – and she wanted to know what he had done. She wanted to avoid that fate, too.
"And with this forbidden knowledge, you could've killed Alduin?" she asked. "Can you teach that to me?"
The First Dragonborn lifted his arms, and the dragons behind him rose, taking flight within this limitless plane. They followed his orders, for he had taken away their freedom, chained them down to his will. He took on the mighty aspect of the dragons, and his presence began to alter as the power flooded onto him. Ethereal scales covered his ghostly limbs, horns formed onto his crown as he became less of a mortal and more like a dragon, the power that radiated from him growing colossal, frightening, and utterly inspiring.
In awe, she shuddered at the sight, wishing she could do the same.
"I can't, for only He can, but I can teach you something else," he answered. "You've done little besides killing a few dragons, and you still have no idea of the true power a Dragonborn can wield. You've let these dragons rule over you, when you should be the one to dominate over them instead. Their power is yours by birthright, so go and take it. Become the one they fear."
Faintly, she nodded and turned her gaze to Krosulhah and Sahloknir, the dragons she had slain. She had seen the fear in their eyes, but she still couldn't fully wield their power. She had learnt only fragments of their Thu'um, for her will hadn't been strong enough to breach through the defences of their souls and chain them to her command. Especially proud and arrogant Sahloknir had shown more resistance in communicating with her, but now the time had come to change that.
"But how can I do that?" she asked as she walked to the dragons, feeling the dragon's knowledge resonating with her soul, making her question obsolete. She already knew the answer.
The First Dragonborn chuckled when she touched the hearts of the dragons, and their power rushed over her like a great wave in an ocean. Like a fruit that was ripe for harvesting, she took their whole aspect upon her. Once she might've feared it would've broken her, but it didn't.
Finally, she had grown strong enough to bear it. Perhaps she had always been, as wielding the power was her birthright, but her doubts had kept her from reaching it.
Lines upon lines of Words of Power flooded over her, faded chants from aeons ago. She understood the Thu'um now as she witnessed centuries pass by her eyes. She flew through the blasting blizzards, turning everything into ice and frost in her wake, and at last, the power was right within her hands, and she was the one holding the reins.
The First Dragonborn smiled from the shadows. "You are a dragon, Lucy Heartfilia," he answered. "Now it's time to be a dragon."
The skies above Riften were shrouded in clouds that day, grey and heavy.
Mist rose from the lake, enveloping the wooden houses and stone walls in white veils, calm and still in the absence of wind. A faint frost covered the nightshades that grew near the entrance to the Hall of the Dead. It had been a cold night, yet Natsu couldn't feel the crispness in the air, only the damp fog that was almost suffocating.
Lucy's hair had curled from the moisture, but she didn't seem to care. Lucy had woken up with a sudden decision to see the shrine of Talos before they'd leave, as the shrine in Riften was one of the few that hadn't been torn down. Natsu had wondered why, but well, she was a Nord, and he'd better not question her wish to visit the shrine of their ancient hero.
It was the early afternoon of the 13th of Sun's Dusk. It had been five days since they arrived in the city, and today would be the last they'd spend here. Tomorrow, they'd set forth on the long journey to Sky Haven Temple on the western side of Skyrim. Natsu wasn't looking forward to it. Not at all.
They'd have to travel through the mountain pass below the Throat of the World. Then they'd have to go past the ruins of Helgen and through the endless pine forests near Falkreath. For the last, they'd have to cross the damned, vast wilderness of the Reach. It would take weeks if not more, with more dangers than Natsu dared to imagine. The temple was supposed to hold sealed information about Alduin's defeat from the Merethic Era, and that better be true. If they'd travel to the other side of Skyrim again for nothing, Natsu swore he'd lose his mind.
They wouldn't only have to fight against the hunger and the cold, but against trolls, bandits, bears, the savage Reachmen, frostbite spiders, probably some dragons too. In the worst-case scenario, all at once, and in the pitch-black darkness. The darkest time of the year was slowly drawing in. At the end of the Evening Star, the sun barely rose above the horizon in the southern regions of the country. In Winterhold, Natsu had grown used to not seeing the sun at all for months, but thankfully there the auroras lighted the nights. Here in the south, the skies were so cloudy at night that one could barely see the stars.
For the past few days, as he had been drowning in the dread of their upcoming voyage, he realised how much he missed the north. He might've once hated the freezing cold, but he had still made Winterhold his home. And now, he'd give up everything just to be sitting atop the College's roof at night, gazing at the auroras with Lucy, listening to her talking about the stars and constellations and birth sings that he knew nothing about. Well, he didn't necessarily complain about the nights as they were now, reading books in their bedchamber at Bee and Barb and falling asleep entangled in each other's arms, but there was something in the College of Winterhold that the rest of the world had not: safety.
Finally, he had come to realise that the adventure had lost its charm, the thrill had worn off, and he just wanted to go home.
In Riften, one had to always watch over their shoulders, as threats ranged from petty pickpockets to brutal murders, especially after nightfall. The Thieves Guild had their role to play in the state the city had turned into, but they weren't the only ones to blame. During this little time Natsu had stayed here, he had heard and seen how the whole hold of Rift was corrupted to the core. People were thrown to jail for crimes they didn't commit while the thieves and murderers went on with their daily businesses. Compared to this rat's nest, the College of Winterhold was an eyrie, protected by the strongest magical wards in this world, a haven where the shadows of the world wouldn't reach. And now, Natsu just wanted to keep Lucy out of the evil's grasp at all cost.
However, seeing the sparkles in her eyes as she had adored the Mistveil Keep, enjoyed the busy hours at the lively marketplace, watched the fishing boats setting sail to the Lake Honrich, Natsu knew that locking her to the Hall of Attainment might keep her safe, but make her miserable. She couldn't be kept behind iron bars, for dragons couldn't be kept in a cage.
Lucy had accepted the dangers that came with freedom, yet Natsu was still coming to terms with that. Struggling, if he was honest with himself, but he knew he had to forget the auroras and stars for now and focus on the storm raging on the horizon, embrace the small moments of calm, then let them go.
They'd be gone faster than he'd ever know.
As he was still staring at the frost-covered nightshades, Lucy chuckled and tugged his arm, pulling him towards the garden behind the Hall of the Dead. She was getting used to him zoning out every now and then, but reacted with amusement instead of annoyance. Perhaps she knew what was going on in his mind, knew there was a lot he needed to process, and that caused him to freeze at random moments. To confuse him more, she always said he looked sweet when he was confused, and Natsu was starting to believe she did that on purpose.
For the past few – and very strange – days, they had been doing nothing but resting, yet he felt even more tired than before, as if his mind was constantly shrouded in fog as heavy as the air today. Lucy smiled at him as he floated from the College's roof, where he'd been watching the stars with her, back to the present moment. The little, mischievous smirk on Lucy's face made sure she was aware of what he'd dreamt about, but she didn't say anything, just wrapped her arms around his and leaned to his side.
"I've learned something interesting," she started quietly, glancing up to his eyes as they walked on the garden path, fallen leaves rustling under their steps. A priest in yellow robes was tending the graves at a distance, absorbed into his work, but Lucy still kept her voice low. "There is a major flaw in the books of history. They say that Tiber Septim never killed any dragons… but the truth is, he did. There were dragons left in Tamriel at that time, scarce and in hiding, but they were never as extinct as everyone believes"
Natsu nodded. Before he met Lucy, he had never paid any attention to history. It was too confusing, too complicated, and too bloody for him to understand. The years and eras had melted together into an incomprehensible mass, but Lucy had somehow, perhaps with her magic, managed to teach it in a way that made sense to him. Tiber Septim, later known as Talos as he became a god, had been a Dragonborn who united the entire Tamriel and founded the first Empire six-hundred and something years ago… and that's as much as Natsu knew. Compared to what he had previously known, it was a lot.
However, neither he nor Lucy had known there had still been dragons six hundred years ago, when everyone assumed they went extinct during the Merethic Era. The ancient Akaviri might have killed the last dragons in the First Era, but that was still thousands of years ago. How had she had learnt this? Through Krosulhah's memories? Since she had blackened his eye while going through the frost dragon's death, she hadn't had nightmares. She had slept so peacefully snuggled up in his arms that Natsu had been fooled to believe that nothing was going on within her mind, but he seemed to be mistaken.
"Well, wasn't he summoned to High Hrothgar too? That must mean that he did slay at least one dragon, and the Greybeards were able to sense it," Natsu answered, his expression quizzical. "But where does this come from now, Lucy?"
She looked down, hesitating for a moment. "Now I know," she answered, leaving everything unsaid, and Natsu only hoped she'd tell him later what had happened. "I know many things now." She tugged his arm again. "Come."
The path led them to the shrine of Talos, sheltered among leafless birches near the tall stone walls. A few gravestones stood beside the shrine, the carvings on them already faded in time, covered by moss. Most Nords were buried in the catacombs of the Hall of the Dead, but other races had chosen to be laid to rest under the skies instead. Lucy stopped in front of the monument and let go of Natsu's arm, lifting her hands to touch the hilt of the greatsword Talos held upon a serpent's neck. Natsu knew not what she was doing, or why, but perhaps he didn't need to.
Lucy took a deep breath and glanced up to those centuries-old stone eyes. Natsu stayed behind, observed quietly how something in her aura started to change. It was energy, power in its rawest form that only a mage could see, twirling and dancing between Lucy and the shrine – a connection, an ancestor's blessing, Natsu realised. Had it always been there, or had she formed it just now? He had to blink more than once. The connection was still there each time he opened his eyes.
Before he could come to any conclusion, Lucy pulled her hands away from the shrine, letting them fall limp to her sides. The threads of magic – no, Natsu was mistaken, they hadn't been made from magicka, but blood – disappeared from his sight. Dumbfounded, he stared at Lucy, who raised her gaze to the grey skies.
"We Nords should always call him Ysmir, the Dragon of the North," Lucy said suddenly. "It's the Imperial beliefs that bleed over ours, that made us forget who he truly was. The hero of mankind, not the hero of Tamriel." She lowered her gaze and whispered, "And now I'll follow in his footsteps."
Natsu remained silent, wondering what she truly meant. There was a different kind of confidence in her words, as if something had encouraged her, finally made her believe in herself. Defeating Alduin, as she was fated to, would truly make her the hero of mankind. Would people build shrines for her, would her name become a prayer that they'd chant centuries after her death? Would she ascend to godhood as Talos did? Despite the ultimate honour it held, Natsu found the thought so very lonely.
After a moment, Lucy turned towards him and took his hand back to hers. Her bare hand felt cool against his, as her skin had absorbed the coldness from the stone shrine. Without saying anything, she began to lead him through the graveyard. A flock of pigeons nestled on the roof ridge of the Hall of the Dead, cooing softly as they passed by the building. The damn birds were teasing them for walking hand in hand, Natsu thought. They couldn't be so obviously sweet on each other that even the birds would notice it, couldn't they?
"There's something I have to do before we leave," Lucy said then.
The priest was now so far gone that he couldn't hear them, but she still kept her voice low, making Natsu feel suspicious. "What do you have in mind?"
Lucy turned her eyes to him. "Something must be done with the orphans," she answered. "I've been thinking this for a few days, actually. We'll go talk to that monster of a headmistress, and I know how to do that."
Natsu nodded. "You're going to persuade her to stop giving the belt to the children? Heroic."
Though there hadn't been sarcasm in his voice, Lucy still smirked. "No one else has even tried, so we gotta do that. For Aventus Aretino's, Romeo's, and all the orphans' sake," she answered. "Juvia said that the headmistress has forbidden adoptions. The children started talking about those terrors in their new homes, staining Honorhall's reputation, and so Grelod the Kind decided it's better to raise the children by herself until they come of age. That has to change."
"So, what's your plan?" Natsu asked. She had honourable intentions, indeed, but how would she make them work? "I might be easier to talk sense into giant's head than hers."
"First, we have to get into the orphanage. I've heard that the other lady who works there is a kind and understanding woman. Let's hope that she opens the door for us," Lucy said and halted, turning towards him. "Then we'll pretend that we are married, but not blessed with a child, so we're considering giving a family to an orphan. If she says that the children aren't up for adoption, I'll fiercely demand an explanation."
Natsu's face went pale as he stared at Lucy, processing what she had said. The pigeons kept cooing in the background, and Natsu wanted to yell at them to shut up. Each time she did something like this, his cheeks turned hot and his head became light. Natsu had firmly stated to Gildarts that he and Lucy were just friends, but day by day, the old man's words began to feel too real, so exposing that he felt stupid for still having to deny them.
'Do friends do that?' the old mage had asked and pointed at the marks of Lucy's kisses on Natsu's neck, and he knew that the answer was no. They were lover's bites, as Gildarts called them, but one time didn't make them lovers, right? Because after that night, they hadn't gotten that far. Well, yes, they had gotten somewhere, but not that far. Lucy hadn't even kissed him in a day and a half. And that was a long time, so long that Natsu had started to fear her sudden madness had already worn off.
"Lucy," he started quietly, voice trembling. "The only time I'll ever go down the aisle will be in a coffin, you know that?"
She chuckled. "Does it look like I'm wearing an Amulet of Mara here? I said we'd pretend. All you have to do is to be quiet and hold my hand. You're already doing that all the time. Leave the talking to me."
"Yeah, I just wanted to make that clear before you'd get some other great ideas."
The way she put weight on word pretend made the hair rise on the back of Natsu's neck. The word was like a dagger coated in venom, struck straight to his back, because he couldn't bear the thought of pretending to be anything with her. Either it was real, or then it was not. He understood the point of her plan, but still, it didn't make it any less confusing or awkward.
Because the truth was that he simply couldn't tell what they were, where they were going, what they would be.
What might seem obvious to everyone from Gildarts to the pigeons nesting on the ridge of the temple's roof, was everything but obvious to Natsu. Even if the whole Nirn would be convinced that they were in love, he'd still be ridden with heart-wrenching uncertainty. Lucy had told him that he was her best friend. Not a lover, not a potential life-long partner, just a friend. Everything in her actions screamed otherwise, but he was still hanging onto that damn word, paralyzed and afraid, as each day made him realise that he wanted to be so much more than a friend.
Many times, he hoped he could just glance into Lucy's mind, read her thoughts, find out if she truly felt the same, but he lacked that power. He didn't have a telepathic heart, only Lucy had. What would he even do if he knew the truth? It would break him if she didn't love him back, but equally, he didn't know what to do if she actually did. He didn't want to get married either. He dreaded the thought of needing a blessing from non-existent gods for a happy and prosperous life. Having to witness his parents turning into lifeless husks in their inescapable prison of marriage had truly left its mark on him.
Upon the matter of mortal love, the gods had absolutely no power over.
"Some other great ideas?" Lucy echoed, smirking. "What do you mean?"
"Nothing," Natsu answered and looked down to hide his blush. "Let's just… Let's just get this over with, okay? I'll hold your hand and keep my mouth shut." He gulped. It won't be too embarrassing, right?
Lucy leaned to his arm, snaked her hands around his and intertwined their fingers. "That's the spirit. Come on, then."
It was a long walk from the cemetery to the orphanage, and walks in the noisy city were exhausting in a different way than the endless treks in the wilderness. They soon made it out of the quiet gardens to the main street, slippery cobbled stones feeling uncomfortable below his boots. Paths in the forests and dusted roads were much more merciful for the feet. While Lucy admired the fancy mansions near the city keep, Natsu missed the mountains, lakes, rivers and valleys, and most of all, the silence and the fresh air. Even in the wealthier area of Riften, the stink of shit and rotten fish stuck like a stain.
Perhaps Natsu was unknowingly looking for reasons to feel excited about leaving the city tomorrow, because the dread started to fade. The guards gave them suspicious looks while they passed through the district, but they let them be. Natsu and Lucy were both wearing their robes, finally washed from blood and dirt, and that caused guards to notice them differently than common folk. Either they thought these travelling mages had actual business here instead of being just sightseeing, or then they simply avoided contacts with wizards. Natsu thought the latter one to be the right option.
"Hail, summoner. Conjure me up a warm bed, would you?" one of the guards shouted after Lucy, but she ignored him and carried on. Natsu laid a deadly glare on the guard, his stare threatening to burn him alive if he'd say half a word to her. That worked well, and they weren't bothered anymore.
Despite the gloominess and corruption behind its structures, Riften was always such a lively city. It had a special atmosphere. The common people here seemed content in a certain way, but perhaps that was because the beggars and lowlives were swept out of the streets into the Ratway. In other cities, the separation between social classes was far more visible, as in Windhelm, for example, the Dark Elves resided in so-called "Grey Quarters" and were openly discriminated. Natsu had always despised that from the bottom of his heart. His best friend had been a Dunmer, after all.
But behind the countless smiles on the faces that passed them by, Natsu saw immense fear. The news about the dragons, whether or not someone would believe them, and the blown-out war were tearing them apart. Mothers held their children closer, fathers came home straight from work instead of passing through the local inn, as if they sensed their time together was nearing its end. And somehow, Natsu absorbed this feeling of dread, and squeezed Lucy's hand a little bit tighter.
After turning a dozen times on the labyrinth of Riften's streets, they arrived in front of a large building, a worn-out sign saying "Honorhall" above the tall twin doors. The hall had a fenced yard, but no children played there. Natsu couldn't hear any laughter coming from the inside either, just silence. Lucy glanced at him before hesitantly knocking on the door, then she stepped back and waited.
As nobody came to open the door, Natsu was ready to turn away and head back to Bee and Barb, but Lucy grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back. He knew that once she had set her mind to do something, there was no stopping her, but could she help the children in any way? Yes, Natsu's heart wrenched every time he remembered the fate of Romeo and the part they had played in orphaning the poor boy, but did Lucy think she could just walk in there, tell the headmistress to start treating children with love and care, then walk out? It didn't work like that, Natsu knew, but as the door finally opened, there was no turning back from.
"Good afternoon," greeted a dark-haired woman from the doorway. She glanced at Natsu and Lucy from head to toes, their robes making her eyes widen. "May I… May I ask who you are, and what are you doing here? This is an orphanage, not an elixir shop."
The headmistress had been described as a hagraven, so this pretty young lady couldn't be Grelod the Kind. She spoke with a quiet voice, calm and pleasant Imperial accent, even though she was surprised to see two mages at the doorstep. Lucy flashed her a charming smile.
"Yes, we know that this is an orphanage, and we're here to adopt," she said confidently, turning her eyes to Natsu. "Me and my husband have been married for a while, but not been blessed with children of our own, so we've decided to give a family to an orphan."
The woman's brows tilted downwards, something in her eyes turning sad upon Lucy's words. Natsu wanted to scream as she called him 'her husband', but he kept it inside. He clenched his teeth and stared down, the lingering silence making him deathly awkward.
"My name is Constance, and I'm a housemaiden here," the woman introduced herself after she'd thought for a small moment. "I truly, truly appreciate your good intentions. These children need loving homes, but the thing is… The adoptions aren't allowed at the moment. I'm really sorry. With the war going on, it's… it's safest for them to be here." Her tone revealed the obvious lies. She looked at them again, smiling softly. "You're still young. I'm sure you can still get children when the gods see the time as right."
Lucy shook her head. "No, that's… I don't think it's a matter the gods can decide. Adoption is the only way for us to have children." Now, Natsu was already squirming out of his skin. He feared she'd make a lie out of some unpleasant side-effects of sanguinare vampiris, likely inspired by Gajeel's condition, but thankfully she wasn't so cruel. "I'm unable to bear children. I miscarried once, and… never healed from it. The midwife said that my womb was permanently damaged. I should be just grateful that I'm alive after surviving that, but... I… I'm really longing to become a mother. This is the only way, believe me."
The genuine sadness in her voice made Natsu shiver. He glanced at Lucy. Her eyes glistened as she gazed at the lady, waiting for her to change her mind and let them in. Natsu didn't exactly know what it meant to miscarry, but mentioning that broke down the woman's defences. Perhaps it was something she personally related to, something she had experienced herself, because the sadness visibly leapt from Lucy to her.
However, something about it leapt to him, too. Against his promises to himself, Natsu never asked Lucy if the frost dragon had something to do with this drastic change in her behaviour. Was Krosulhah truly using her to become a vessel for another child, a replacement for the one it had lost? He knew he should've asked, should've opened his mouth and talked things through, but each time he tried, he froze. But now, as she said those words, it felt like he was living a prophecy come true.
Perhaps he had been right all along.
Constance pressed her mouth into a thin line, sighing through her nose. "I'm sorry, really, but –"
"I know the war is a threat for everyone, especially to children, but in fact, we are leaving Skyrim soon," Lucy said and glanced at Natsu, who trembled and stared down at his feet. "My husband is the younger son of a noble family from High Rock, and we're going to return to his home before the fighting gets out of control here. We could take an orphan with us. We'd make sure they'd be safe, get proper education, and most importantly, loving home in a wealthy family."
It was amazing and frightening how effortlessly she made up a believable story and told it without a shiver of doubt crossing her tone. There had to be enough truth behind those lies to make them convincing. Natsu nodded along, seeing what she tried to achieve with it. They couldn't use the war as an excuse to forbid an adoption now, and they couldn't admit the real reason behind it either, so Constance had to give in. Lucy's goal was to talk to the headmistress, nothing else, but the means she did to achieve that were unnerving.
Because why would she have to lie about their identities?
"Well…" Constance muttered and glanced at them both once more, convinced that she couldn't find an excuse to not let them in anymore. "Alright, come in. Let's sit down and… discuss it."
A satisfied smirk crossed Lucy's face when the lady stepped aside from the doorway, allowing them to enter the building.
They arrived in a small entry hall with many small cloaks hanging from the wall, tiny shoes lined up below them, but there was still not a sign or sound of children. There was a bucket full of water on the floor with a mop lying beside it. Constance must've been cleaning the room when they knocked, thankfully. Now she closed the door, shuddering from the cold air that had flooded in.
"So, could you tell me your names first?" Constance asked.
Natsu glanced at Lucy, lifting his brow. She had promised to handle the talking, so she'd better figure out how to handle this one, too. Gods damn it, she might've already talked them into a dead end by telling her that he's a son from a noble family. He should've never told her about the whole thing in the first place, because she never stopped teasing him about it. He probably didn't have any real high-born ancestry anyway.
"Layla and Darien Gautier. I come from Helgen, but he's from the kingdom of Camlorn," Lucy lied with perfect conviction, almost making Natsu chuckle. Perhaps as a Breton, he should've known more about the noble familiars and kingdoms of High Rock, but he had no idea if those were even real names or places. However, Constance seemed to believe it. "We met a few years ago when his travels led him to the elixir shop my family owned. He picked me up on an adventure, and well… there's no going back to Helgen anymore, so we're going to return to High Rock. Skyrim has turned into a rather… unpleasant place, with the war and the… dragons."
Constance nodded sadly. "I see. I'm… I'm sorry for your loss. It's terrible what happened at Helgen, and I understand why you want to leave Skyrim as soon as possible," she said and shook her head, then went back to the business. "You're mages, right? That's how you make a living?"
Lucy fixed the neckline of her robes. "Yes. I'm a trained alchemist myself, but lately, we've both focused on the Restoration school of magic. That way, we can help more people."
Natsu tried his best to hide his cringe. Gods, that sounded almost believable, even to him. In situations like this, Natsu always told the truth. He just couldn't lie. He would openly tell the lady that yes, he was a pyromancer who conjured the Daedra for fun, and wouldn't realise he'd said something wrong until being thrown out of the hall. That's why Lucy had told him to keep his mouth shut.
Constance smiled. "There's never enough healers in this world, especially during times like these," she said and thoughtfully rubbed her chin. "I've no respect for destructive magic, not to even talk about summoning some… demonic creatures, as I've heard some do, but when it comes to healing, magic is an unmatched art. I'm glad you practice it."
"Indeed," Natsu answered abruptly. Standing there quiet all this time would either make him seem disinterested or suspicious, so he could say something, right?
Constance glanced at him, and then Natsu realised his accent was leagues away from a true high-born Breton speech. If he'd talk more, he'd surely reveal that he wasn't from Gamlurd or Camdorn, whatever the place was called, not even from High Rock, but born and bred in Dragonbridge in a family so poor they didn't even have a last name. Lucy realised this too, paid him an angered glare that said, 'Keep your mouth shut, gods damn it.'
Fortunately, his comment aroused no suspicion in Constance, and so she turned her eyes back to Lucy. "So far, this seems very good. I think you'd… I think you'd be wonderful parents. I'd gladly let you adopt a child, but unfortunately, that's for Grelod to decide." Suddenly, her face grew pale. "You'll have to talk to her about this. I'll warn you, though… Grelod the Kind has become rather… attached to the children, and she's not so willing to let them away from her care. So, please, don't mention the children that you're here to adopt unless Grelod has granted you the permission. It would be cruel to get their hopes up in case she refuses. Come on, follow me."
'By Sheogorath's beard, what if she's actually going to let us adopt!?' Natsu panicked in his mind, but followed Lucy and Constance in perfect silence. Either Lucy was convinced that Grelod wouldn't permit it, and hadn't planned their escape counting to that, or then she had some sneaky way to get out of this in case it would all blow up. Her face remained calm as still water, so Natsu tried to trust that everything was proceeding according to her plan, whatever that might be.
And when they arrived at the great hall, Natsu understood why her trust in the plan was so concrete. Before Constance creaked the door slightly open, the voice of an old crone sounded through it.
"Seven septims are missing from my purse. Which one of you riff-raff's was it? Was it you, Runa, or was it Samuel? I'll have you all rot in the dungeons if you don't tell me right away who dared to steal from me!"
"It was Samuel!" answered a choir of children.
"No, it wasn't me, it was Runa!" defended a boy.
"Now, come here you insolent brat! Perhaps a little bit of the belt will teach you not to steal, because next time, you'll be locked up in the room for two days!"
The anguish on the younger woman's face was visible as they listened to that. She bit into her lower lip as she kept her trembling hand on the doorknob, her whole being screaming apologies. Natsu looked at Lucy and realised that she wasn't even slightly surprised. This was exactly what she had been expecting.
"Stop it, Grelod! It's not fair, I didn't steal the gold!" the boy cried. "My parents are coming back to get me, for sure, and then it's gonna be the end for you! My father is going to –"
A loud slap echoed across someone's face. Natsu didn't need to see it to know that the boy had gotten the back of a hand, but it made him shiver nevertheless. He still remembered how it stung.
"Quit the nonsense. Your parents aren't going to come for you, because they don't want you. That, my darling, is why you're here. Why you're all here. Nobody wants you, nobody needs you, so no more talk about adoptions! You'll stay here until you come of age and get thrown into that wide, horrible world, where you will get your thieving little hands cut off!"
Constance held her breath as her lies came unravelled. Lucy turned to look at her, confusion and shock flittering on her face, but Natsu knew that was just for an act. Constance had known all the time that Grelod would be like that, so why had she still let them in? Perhaps the naïve woman had sincerely wanted to believe that the headmistress would change her mind this time, so at least one of these children could be given a better home.
"Gods, is it always like this in here?" Lucy accused fiercely, and Constance just nodded. "Then why aren't you doing anything about it? Are you just standing there in silent acceptance while the children get beaten!?"
Constance avoided her gaze. "It's because… Grelod…" she muttered. "She's a…"
"A monster," Lucy filled in. "That's why you told me the children aren't up for adoption? Because she wants to keep abusing them?"
Constance nodded meekly. "I… I've tried to make it stop, it's… It's not enough. She doesn't listen to me. I've tried to give them the love and warmth they deserve, but it's… it's never enough…"
"Then stop trying and start fucking doing. Own your power, woman," Lucy hissed at her. "Because I'm not going to let this happen."
Hope sparked in the woman's eyes. Natsu realised that maybe Constance had been waiting for someone to come and put an end to the years of prolonged abuse, by any means necessary. Perhaps she had seen through their lies, but let them in anyway, for she had hoped they could change something, make a difference that could change the orphans' lives forever.
"Now, what do you say?" the headmistress asked.
"We love you Grelod, thank you for your kindness and wisdom," the choir answered again.
"That's better. Now, Samuel, get off the belt and scurry off to the backroom –"
Fiercely, Lucy placed her hand on the doorknob, on top of Constance's fingers, and pushed the door open. She stepped past her into the great hall, ire burning in her eyes, the rage of a grief-ridden dragon merging with an empathic mortal who couldn't just stand idly by and witness the suffering of the innocents. The faces of the orphans turned to her, their eyes sparkling as if they'd just seen a hero.
"What do you think you're doing!?" Lucy shouted to the headmistress. "Let the boy go!"
Natsu and Constance followed her to the great hall. It was the dining room of the orphanage, with long tables and benches by the walls. Natsu struggled to count the children that had gathered in the middle of the hall – there was perhaps thirty of them here, but some of the orphans seemed to be in the bedchambers in the other wing of the building. And as Natsu's gaze found the headmistress, he thought that if he'd be an orphan here, he'd be hiding under the bed too.
A hagraven was indeed the first word that came to his mind to describe Grelod the Kind. The elderly woman was short, her back hunched, and deep wrinkles adorned her greyish skin. Her white hair was tied on a tight bun on the back of her head. Her skeletal hand held too tight on the boy's bicep with no intentions of letting go. With a murderous glare, Grelod stared at Lucy. Natsu swore he hadn't ever seen a gaze so cruel, devoid of all warmth and love, not even in his father's eyes.
"What do you want? You have no business being in here!" the old crone hissed, then turned her gaze to the woman next to Lucy. "Constance, why did you let strangers – "
"I'm here to talk about how you treat these poor children," Lucy said to her, staring deep into those old eyes, and something in them switched. "What about having a little chat in the backroom with me, Grelod the Kind?"
The headmistress froze, and when Natsu glanced at Lucy, he understood why. All the compassion she used to have in her eyes was gone, replaced with ire as cold as the grave. A shiver ran down Natsu's spine. Lucy's face remained perfectly still in the silence that lingered on, as heavy and suffocating as Riften's air.
Grimly, Grelod let go of the boy. The child fell to the floor and crawled backwards, his friends welcoming him into a supportive embrace. "You're from the Guild, aren't you?" the headmistress asked. "I'll have no chats with thieves. You've only come to steal our last septims, so that the children will have to starve –"
"The only thief in this room is you, Grelod," Lucy answered. "You've stolen their happiness. And you seem to know very well what happens to thieves like you in that wide, horrible world."
As Grelod suffocated a gasp, Constance eyed nervously at Lucy and Natsu. The utter shock on Grelod's face expressed that no one had ever called her out of her vile actions. It was frightening how the whole damn city knew exactly what was going on in Honorhall, yet nobody ever dared to intervene.
"How dare you!?" Grelod yelled with her crow-like voice. "I'm not going to be intimidated in my own orphanage! Get out. Get out in an instant!"
Then, Lucy did something Natsu hadn't ever expected her to do.
Another silence fell to the hall, this time denser than before. Lucy extended her arm in front of her, gaze locked in the old crone's eyes, then she closed her fingers into a fist. The magicka she released was sealed within her hand, but Natsu could still sense it – it was an Illusion spell, possibly Fear, or an alteration of it. Nervously, Natsu held his breath. Grelod's wrinkled face grew ashen pale, she began to tremble, horror flooding over her like a nightmare.
"I'm not going anywhere until you promise you're never going to hurt a child again," Lucy commanded. "Go. Open the backroom door. It's time to make things clear with you once and for all."
Perhaps Lucy had seen that Grelod wasn't up to a conversation, and so she used magic to force her into it. Despite the spell hadn't affected Natsu, he was still scared. Blankly, he kept staring at Lucy, wondering where was the person he had once known.
Gone.
That was the only answer that came to his mind as Grelod opened the door in utter silence. Lucy followed the crone into the chamber, which seemed to be the headmistress's quarters. When they were out of sight, the tight atmosphere in the hall eased. The children began murmuring, but then it turned into bright laughter. They were rejoicing, jubilantly dancing, but Natsu couldn't find any kind of joy from this moment. Only dread.
"Finally! Finally, someone has come to rescue us!"
One of the children, a boy aged nine or ten, came to tug Natsu's sleeve. "Please, mister. You got to get me out of here. Ever since Aventus left, Grelod's been even meaner than usual. I swear, she's going to kill one of us!"
Natsu pressed his mouth into a thin line as more orphans flocked around him. The younger ones kept to themselves, but a few of them came to him with sparkles in their eyes.
"Are you from the Brotherhood? Did you come to kill Grelod?" asked the boy Grelod had slapped. A red mark stained his cheek. "Because Aventus said that he'd summon some assassins after that old crone! Now you've finally –"
Natsu shook his head, pretending he didn't know about it. "Eh… sorry, what?"
"Quit that, Samuel!" a girl hissed to the boy. "We weren't supposed to talk about it!"
Samuel didn't seem to care. "When I grow up, I want to be an assassin! Kill one person, solve so many problems! Just imagine the possibilities…"
Suddenly, Natsu's blood turned cold, because technically, Lucy had promised to kill Grelod the Kind. She couldn't be doing it now, in broad daylight with all these witnesses around, couldn't she? Natsu clenched his trembling fingers into fists. Knowing that Lucy had a steel dagger wrapped up in her sleeve – as wearing them on the belt wasn't smart in Riften – didn't make it any easier for Natsu to calm down.
Natsu's memories of talking with Aventus Aretino were scarce. Fragments and flashes were all he had, for the aftermath of the dragon fight in Kynesgrove and the journey back to Winterhold had eradicated his mind from memories of that particular day. He remembered how Lucy had assured him that they'd never hear from it again, but now they had come this far. She had told Aventus that she'd kill the old crone just to make the poor boy quit his frantic efforts of summoning the Dark Brotherhood, but what if she was actually going to do it this day?
After all, she had changed so much since that.
"Now, now, my sweet darlings. Let's just… Let's just all calm down," Constance said to the children, then she turned at Natsu and smiled. "Sorry, sir, they just… they love visitors. We don't get them that often."
In silence, Natsu kept nodding. He stepped away from the doorway, trying to sneak by the walls to get a bit further away from the curious children, but the effort was futile. They came after him like city guards following a thief.
"Hey, mister, why is your hair pink?" asked a little girl. "It's pretty, like a flower, but how did it get like this?"
He sighed. 'Yeah, my eccentric elder brother did some experiments with poison when my mother was expecting me, thank you for asking,' Natsu wanted to say, but decided not to. However, silence didn't satiate the curiosity of a child. He had to make up a quick white lie, something simple enough for them to understand and shut up about it. "It's, uhm… my mother's hair was fair, like golden wheat, but my father's was red as a flame, so mine turned out… like this. A mixture of both. Get it?"
The girl nodded with a wide smile, still enraptured by his hair. Natsu scratched the back of his neck and looked away, only to have another child marvelling at his clothes.
"Are these mage's robes?" a boy wondered, gazing at the patterns of his robes. "Are you a wizard?"
"Yeah, I am a mage."
"Can you really summon demons from Oblivion and close bleeding wounds?"
"Yeah, I can –" Natsu began, but realised his mistake. "I mean, mostly I just heal wounds and help sick people, but I can also cast protective wards on buildings, that sort of things…"
Noticing his growing discomfort, Constance smiled and gathered the children away from him, beckoning them towards the entrance hall.
"Children, please, don't bother him too much," Constance said, and a bit reluctantly, the children left him alone. "Now's a good time to go play outside. Dress up warmly, and don't forget to wear your scarfs –"
"I want to have a scarf like he has!" one boy shouted, pointing at the white scarf on Natsu's shoulders. "Constance, can you knit me one?"
"I can try, Erith, but go outside with Runa and Samuel now. I'll come to get you when the quests leave."
"But I wanted to talk more with him –"
Constance laid a firm, but warm gaze to the boy, and so he hurried off after his friends. The younger children stayed in the hall, playing with wooden blocks in a fenced area in the corner. Natsu wasn't good at estimating their ages, but it seemed that everyone older than three had headed outside. It was a relief. There would have been no end to the questions otherwise. As the hall grew quiet again, Natsu seated on a bench and sighed.
He just couldn't believe this was happening.
As Constance headed to the entrance hall to help the children get dressed up, Natsu was left alone with his thoughts. He buried his face into his hands, his twisted in a dozen knots. Now that the dining chamber had grown silent, he could hear Lucy arguing with Grelod in the backroom. The old crone's answers were as scarce as Lucy's accusations were fierce. Was she still using magic to intimidate the headmistress? Had this been her plan the whole time, to twist the crone's mind and tear it into shreds, and then reform it into a kinder one?
… but how and when had she even learned such spells?
As he couldn't hear any murdery happening in the backroom, Natsu decided to ignore that. He'd rather have her deal with the headmistress with magic instead of daggers. He had taught her to kill only in self-defence, to never kill the innocent… but Grelod the Kind was far from innocent. Lucy had arrived at a crossroads, had to make a rough moral decision, and so far it seemed she was doing the right choice. Brains before brawn. Lucy of all people could help others without staining her hands in blood.
Suddenly, Natsu flinched as he heard a soft, joyful cooing. He lifted his head, but couldn't see anyone, so he crouched his back and peeked under the table. A young child was sitting there on the floor, a burst of sweet laughter bubbling out of her as she saw Natsu's face. He assumed the child to be a girl from the white, ragged dress, and the ribbon tied in her fair hair.
Slightly surprised, Natsu furrowed his brows, but his expression made the child laugh more, and so he straightened himself and gazed out of the window, ignoring the strange creature hiding below the table. Maybe it would ignore him too. However, soon the child crawled towards him and taking support from the bench, she stood up.
"Well, hello there," Natsu said uncomfortably.
She giggled, the joy almost making her fall. Quickly, Natsu placed his hand on the child's back so she could restore her wobbly balance and not hit her head to the floor. Gods, she was so small she'd surely break if she'd fall. The girl smiled, clutched into his sleeve and pulled, surprisingly strong, as if she was asking him to play under the table with her.
"Sorry, kid, I eh… I don't really know how to play with anything else than fire, okay? And I guess the nice lady wouldn't be so happy if I taught you to cast sparks and set the whole orphanage ablaze…"
The girl cooed, her bright green eyes begging for him to play. Natsu shook his head again.
"Don't look at me like that," he said and pointed to the other side of the hall. "Go play with the other kids. There are some cool blocks out there. Build a tower or something, or… damn it, I don't know."
When Natsu brought his hand back to his lap, the girl curled her tiny fingers around one of his and leant her cheek onto his palm. Natsu grimaced, tried to pull his hand away, but the girl's hold was too strong.
"P-pa…pa?" the girl muttered, almost making Natsu shriek.
"What?" he whispered in shock, his guts entwisted. "Sheogorath's beard… Sorry, but I'm not your papa, and I'm not gonna be. You deserve someone better." As the girl turned her eyes back to him, Natsu yanked his finger away. "Get going now. I'm not here to –"
"She's such a sweetie, isn't she?"
Flinching, Natsu glanced over his shoulder and saw Constance standing behind him. He cursed silently, then clenched his teeth as he realised that 'fuck' would probably be the next word the little girl would say. Children's hearing was always too sharp, but he'd rather have the girl cuss than call him papa, because that felt too damn strange.
Constance sighed, seated next to Natsu, and picked the girl into her arms. The child snuggled against her neck and wrapped her little arms around the woman. "By the way… I knew you didn't come here to adopt."
Natsu shrugged. There was warmth in the woman's voice, meaning she wasn't upset about it, but Natsu wanted to know she figured it out. "Is it that obvious that we aren't actually married?"
Constance glanced down at his fingers. "I saw you didn't have the rings, but otherwise, couldn't have told." She smiled a bit, making Natsu feel like a fool. Of course he wasn't wearing a ring. Lucy had, but on the wrong finger. He sighed, shielding his blushed cheeks with his hands. "And I know you're from Skyrim. I can hear that."
The mage squeezed his eyes shut tighter. "Yeah, that's quite obvious too."
Constance chuckled. "Don't worry, I'm not going to let anyone know that you visited here. I know you're just trying to help. You must've heard how awful it is," she said. "However, I'm afraid that a little chat with your lady isn't enough to make Grelod change her ways."
"Maybe it will," Natsu answered and smiled a bit, the embarrassment slowly wearing off. "Don't underestimate how intimidating she can be."
Constance was about to say something, but the little girl in her arms let out a high-pitched, joyful scream, as if a word of protest. Natsu chuckled as the girl began to laugh and clap her hands together, then she started pulling her ears. Children were strange. Especially small ones.
"How old is she?" Natsu asked, finding out that conversing with Constance was better than sitting there in silence. He could still hear Lucy roasting Grelod in the backroom, and he was fearing when she'd pull out the dagger and slit the old woman's throat. That wasn't likely to happen, but he needed to focus on something else until Lucy would return without blood spilled.
"She's is eleven months. Her name is Lyra," Constance answered, smiling as the girl began to squish her cheeks. "I really wonder how she can always be so happy, even in here."
"Well, you seem to be taking good care of her," Natsu said. "Has she been here long?"
The woman's smile died, and she fell quiet for a while. "Her mother died birthing her. She was a singer in Bee and Barb, and the father left to Cyrodiil when he found out she's with a child, so she was brought here. Three days before she was born, my son…"
Natsu knit his brows as Constance's voice began to shiver. She pressed her face into the baby girl's curly hair and held her tighter.
"… what happened?" Natsu asked quietly.
"My son, he… he was stillborn. He never lived for a single day," Constance whispered, hesitation among her words, but somehow, she found she could tell him this. Why, Natsu didn't know. "My milk had just come in, yet I had no baby to feed, and so I took her as my own. I'm not her mother, but she's like a daughter to me. And I'm so sorry that she has to live here with me. She deserves a better life somewhere else."
Natsu nodded, unable to say anything. He knew that women could die at childbirth, but not that babies could be born dead, and that strengthened his decision to remain childless forever. Everything could go wrong in the most terrible ways. Seeing the baby dragon killed before his eyes was already more than he could bear, but to risk losing his own child before they'd even see the light of the day? That was way too dark.
"I try to protect her, but there are still… terrible things she's had to witness," Constance muttered, her chin quivering. "But I can't just leave with her. Working here all day and night is how I make my living. I have no other home. So, when you two came here, I just wanted to give her to you and tell Grelod that she disappeared from the courtyard."
Natsu shook his head. There was no way he and Lucy could've accepted that – their good intentions could only reach so far. Taking care of a child was impossible when they were struggling to keep even each other alive. "But you don't even know who we truly are."
"I don't, but my heart tells me that she'd be better off in your care than here. You're good people. I know this," Constance said.
The mage looked away, flattered and confused at the same time. No matter what kind of polished impression the woman had formed of him, he was still a killer. He had had his head on a block for a reason.
"Maybe, but I don't think I'd be a good father," Natsu said, rubbing his temples. He could clearly remember the conversation with Gildarts, how he had said that holding his daughter for the first time had been the happiest moment of his miserable life, but Natsu was convinced he'd never have that. "I never really… had a good example on how to be one. Better just break the wheel, you know what I mean?"
"Even if we might've not gotten the best example from our own parents, we can always choose to become different. We can break the wheel by loving them," the woman told. "That's how we change the future."
Constance seated the baby on her lap as she began to squirm, wanting to face Natsu again. The girl waved at him and laughed, and for once, he felt warm inside. He couldn't explain it, couldn't describe it, but he smiled when the child reached for him, as if wanting to go to his arms instead. He chuckled quietly, turning his gaze away when the girl began to fuss.
"Do you want to hold her?" Constance asked. "She really seems to like you."
Natsu wiped his hair from his face. "Eh, I…"
Before he could finish his sentence, the backroom's door opened. Lucy walked into the dining hall, and soon after him, the old crone followed her. Grelod halted in the doorway, all malice absent from her empty eyes. Lucy's gaze searched across the hall until she found Natsu sitting on the bench with Constance and the little girl called Lyra. She smiled slightly at the sight and hurried to them.
"I'm sure Grelod the Kind has learned her lesson," Lucy said to Constance, who sighed in utter relief, hugging the baby tight. "I apologize for the fuss we caused, but I believe it was necessary to –"
"Don't apologise, lady. You've done more than enough. I'd give you gold, but –"
"We don't need it. The divines bless those with kind hearts, and that shall be enough for us," Lucy answered, then glanced at Natsu. She must've assumed that Constance knew they hadn't come here to adopt, so she didn't need to talk them out of it anymore. "We're ready to go now. I wish you all the best in the future."
They bid their farewell. Confused, Natsu stood up and followed Lucy out of the hall, but he had to glance over his shoulder before they left. The girl was still waving at him, and he knew not why it made his heart wrench, as if he didn't want to leave. He just couldn't understand it.
When they were out of Honorhall, the playing children now filled the fenced courtyard. They were kicking a ball and playing tag, happily running around as if they knew their misery would finally come to an end. Natsu and Lucy walked past them in silence, the air as heavy and suffocating as it had been earlier. Only when the orphanage was out of their sight, Natsu asked,
"Lucy, what did you do?"
A/N: Hi guys, hope you liked the chapter!
This took a bit longer to update. I gave my thoughts and plans some time to "mature", and I'm glad I did, because many things had changed since I originally drafted this chapter. I had to draft this bad boy over three times until I was satisfied with it! Gods damn it.
But yeah, the first scene came out as a bit of a surprise to me, too. I never planned to include this certain character so early on, but I wrote that dream sequence intuitively, and I'm really satisfied with the outcome. The next chapter will be told in Lucy's POV, and that will open it a little bit more. Through Natsu's eyes, we only saw little hints of what's going on within her mind at the present moment.
And this orphanage scene, I can't believe I started that subplot in chapter 17 about a year ago. It's finally coming into a conclusion. I'll have to admit that I dumped a shitload of foreshadowing into this whole particular chapter, so good luck spotting them lol.
The story is coming to a major turning point and the chapters are going to be exceptionally long and complex form here on, so I'm going to take the writing process a little bit slower, just to make sure everything gets portrayed as I wish them to be. I'll try to update at least once a month though :)
Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and favourited/followed my story! It really means so much to me. I wish I could answer the comments here as I can in Ao3, but this site is a bit more chunkier when it comes to that lol. Just know that I really, really appreciate you all!
Next up: A Blade in the Dark
Ps. I wrote a Nalu oneshot a while ago, feel free to check that one out too! :)
