This is embarrassing to admit: I'm not allowed to be left alone anywhere anymore.

One morning, I got a call from Tifa that Cloud collapsed while out on a delivery five towns over. He had caught a bad bout of pneumonia that was going around and even taking lives. What was worse is that it was too contagious for the doctors to allow visitors. Not knowing whether he'd live or die... I thought we were past all that.

"Are you sure you don't want to come, Zack?" Tifa asked me. She made plans to book a hotel with Denzel so they could be there for his recovery.

"I think I'm better off holding down the fort," I said. "Working on self-care and all..."

"If you change your mind... If you're feeling off in any way, call us."

"Will do."

I put on a happy face and waved them good-bye. Best case scenario, standard pneumonia recovery takes a week. I could handle one week on my own no problem, I thought. I sat at the table, grabbed a pen and paper and went to town with what I could do and what needed to be done.

Meal prep.

A load of Cloud's laundry.

Plant decorating since I've heard they can be therapeutic.

Meal prep.

I wrote that twice, dammit. My stomach had taken over my writing for me. Fucking insatiable hunger. It's felt like I've been eating for two or three ever since I first woke up and saw Cloud again; a side effect from being subject to mako and Jenova cells again according to Tseng.

GRRRRURRRLLRR

"Okay, okay!" I shouted.

I stood up, clasping my hand over my monster of a black hole. It practically feels like an earthquake with each rumble. I rummaged through the fridge for my protein shake stash. Three of them do the trick for a solid hour and a half. Five for an extra thirty minutes. However, groceries weren't getting any cheaper. I try to stick with three and direct my attention elsewhere to distract my stomach until when people normally eat, but God damn, if I wait too long, my body will get tremors and scare Cloud.

It had to have been my fault his working so hard was catching up to him. Regular thyroid and insulin medication had no effect on me, so The Turks wanted to try a pill they just manufactured, but Cloud didn't like the idea of me undergoing any more experiments. We had a heated argument I prefer not to reflect on.


"We don't know what potential side effects there are. What if they make you worse?"

"Isn't it still my decision? If it saves our pantry, then it's worth it."

"No it's not!! Do you get a good look in the mirror?? The incisions and injection marks??"

"Thanks for the body-shaming. I really needed that..."

"Just listen and use your head for once! Don't go headlong on your own like this!"

"Great. Now I'm a freeloader AND an idiot."

"That's-- You're not-- I just can't. I just can't with you today."


He stormed off and went out about his delivery business; that was our last interaction. I chugged the protein shakes and made a b-line for the shower; I read that was another good way to calm down.

I ran the water and just stood under the nozzle, bowing my head to let the warmth trickle down my back. I couldn't stop thinking about him. What would I do with myself if he died and our last words to each other were filled with anger? Anger. I was just so angry. With myself. I should've been more aware and sensitive to Cloud's feelings. So stupid. Stupid body. What are you even doing? Stop being so selfish!

BAM

I had rammed my fist into my left eye without thinking about it. The knock back made the back of my head whack the wall pretty good. Then, gravity pulled me hard enough for my ass to sting upon impact. I just sat there; I couldn't believe I had done that. As the shower pierced my ear, I was taken back to when I was back flat on the ground just outside of Midgar. Cloud had woken up and made his way to me. Those sad, worried eyes... I needed to find a way to get my shit together and fast.

Since showering was a bust, I hobbled out of the tub. I could feel a head sized bump forming already, but nothing an ice pack couldn't fix. Yeowch, though, especially when getting into my clothes was a catalyst for my old wounds to show face.

My right knee in particular. While on the run with Cloud, a group of Tonberrys tried to rob us. One of them drove a knife deep clean into the kneecap, making it protrud to the other side. I probably didn't heal it right if it's still bothering me. I settled for sitting down to get dressed. Standing back up though, my knee felt ready to snap off, but hell, if I could survive Malboro breath, I could survive this. I opened that door and walked the mvp of the year walk.

Until my right foot touched the first stair.

It spun and flung me backward. All my weight went onto my right shoulder.

CRACK

I bit my tongue so hard to keep from crying out in pain, I drew blood. It sounded like a fracture for sure. As I sat up, my arm dangled in a way that it really looked like it shouldn't. Now what was I supposed to do for a whole week? Since getting up again would lead to more accident prone disaster, I figured the best thing to do was to nap on it.

So this is where things get confusing as hell: either my stomach turns into a pack of Hellhounds or it turns into battering rams ready to pound my meals out of me. My head ached and raced with the thoughts of the two possible realities: suffering here or suffering waiting in closer proximity to Cloud. I pressed my good hand against my mouth to keep the protein shakes down, but the taste of blood wasn't helping.

Water.

I SOLDIER crawled back to the kitchen. This was my last shot for today. All my training, all my fighting, all my devotion and survival into this one, final push. I let out a bellowing war cry, thrust my feet onto the floor, and rose triumphantly. Screw you, knee! But wow, was this what being high felt like? I felt great and all my pain disappeared at once. I opened my eyes and reached for the fridge handle.

"Huh?"

Something was DEFINITELY not right. Everything was in every possible shade of green. There were little light specks in the air, too. Suddenly, a little girl popped up next to me, putting dishes in the sink. She looked eerily similar to Marlene.

"Marlene? What are you doing here?"

She didn't answer me; she hummed and made her way to the dining room. I looked over and I saw the father and a mother with two other kids, one older and one just a baby.

"What...?"

They acted like I wasn't there at all, but that was the only thing unsettling. Their attire looked outdated by at least two hundred years.

"Wait..."

I ran to go outside. I opened the door and sure enough, not only was everything still green, but I had completely gone back in time: chocobos and chariots and colonial architecture.

"Where the heck am I?"

Any sensible person would stay put and wait to wake up from this pain and hunger induced dream, but I was not a sensible person. And besides, if the people were anything like the family inside the house, they wouldn't give a crap.

I walked around and realized that I had been to somewhere similar before: floating in and out of the lifestream with Aerith and Angeal as my guides. The lifestream: the planet's life force containing the memories of events and everyone who's ever lived. But why was I here again now? Was I dying again? How do I get back to the present?

"Hey Aerith?" I called out. "Angeal? I could really use your help again! What's going on?"

No answer.

"Yoohoooooo!"

I squatted to release my nervous energy; it's always done the trick before.

"If you can hear me, say Awooooooo!! Yeah! Like a puppy! Right, Angeal??"

Still nothing. I thought, maybe I'd have a better chance with a body of water. As though the planet answered my prayers, from the corner of my eye, there was an old well. My energy spurt compelled me to hop over.

"Hold on, Timmy. I'm comin' in to join ya."

I threw my legs over the hole and down I went in a streamline position.

SPLASH

I made it. I kept sinking and sinking. This well was more bottomless than my stomach, but my God, it was beautiful down there. The specks looked more like crystals and stars. Finally, I saw them. I swam as though the entire world depended on it.

"Aerith!! Angeal!! Hey!!"

They turned to greet me. I stopped and merrily waded in place; just to see and speak to them again would make this wild trip worth it.

However, their faces and bangs were the same as Jenova's. That red gleam in their eye. I suddenly felt cold, and my stomach clumped into knots that didn't even hurt. They were a weight that just sat there. I couldn't even move my limbs. Suddenly, something wetter than the water was touching me and spinning me around. It was the real Jenova, staring directly and even smiling at me. She or they... were never human. And Sephiroth called this thing his mother?

Clamp. Squish.

Something grabbed my feet and anchored them down. I looked down... Was that a heart? I looked back up and there were more Jenovas, enveloping the entire space in rows, all looking into my soul. There it all was: flashes of my mom feeding me sliced ham lathered in butter with fresh pomegranate juice, me riding on my dad's shoulders as we picked apples from the orchard, me promising to return home one day when I left to join SOLDIER...

"Ahh!!"

My arms tensed and moved behind my back on their own.

"What's--"

Jenova was smiling, her/their teeth were showing. My body became a freezer for my bones to turn into icicles. This was not normal; this was pure evil.

Crank

Above me. I looked up and saw a helmet descending towards me. I heard the same sound coming from below, too... A tube...Like an umbilical cord.

"No!! Get that thing away from me!!"

Click

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Everything went black, then white, then black again, the type of thing that needs a strobe light seizure warning. I must've been blinded because I couldn't seen anything after that. In fact, I couldn't feel my limbs, my anything at all. Was I floating or on a flat surface? All that was left was dread and regret. I had failed. I couldn't do the one thing that every human being should be able to do. I should never have fought with Cloud, then this never would've happened.

Rain.

My sense of hearing came back. I opened my eyes and I was there again; I could feel where I was, too, the Buster Sword in my hand. Something always pulled me back here. Perhaps this was a bridge between the living and the lifestream, where I was stuck for a long time. I wanted to let go as I had accepted my fate because Cloud was safe and on his way. I wanted to stay with Aerith when it was her time, but remnants of Shinra had other plans and had me deadlocked in limbo. Because Aerith had more power in the lifestream, she could send me back when I saw how bad Cloud wanted me back when I was found. Was it really okay though? Am I okay? The way I am? The way I was made?

Speak of the devil. There he was, having woken up and made his way to me.

"Zack..."

His voice was soft; his eyes were especially pleading. I know, bud. I screwed up big time. I wish I could make it up to you. I always have.

"Zack, wake up..."

"Nnnnn...?"

It had stopped raining; the sky became a ceiling. Cloud was in his present attire, looking relieved and smiling warmly.

"It's me, Zack," he said. "I'm right here."

I felt his thumbs press against my cheeks, stroking beneath my eyes. I guess I had been crying?

"Huh?" I croaked. "Cloud...? But aren't you sick?"

"Was sick," he corrected.

"But you had us worried sick for two whole weeks."

Barret was there, too.

"I should've made you come along."

And Tifa.

"I'm so sorry," she said sorrowfully.

"Why?" I mumbled, still kind of coming to. "What happened?"

"You were found blabbering and fish flopping like an overdosed drug addict."

And Yuffie. Did the whole gang really come for me?

"And your eyes turned into rave night lights," she added. "Your good eye, anyway. Your black eye emitted more like a laser."

"Do you remember who did this to you?" Cloud asked gently. Ah, geez.

"About that," I said hesitantly. "Could I talk to you alone?"

"Sure."

At the time, I didn't know if there were more people. My vision was skill kind of blah. I did hear footsteps and a door close. Cloud took my hands into his, cupping them carefully.

"So..." My voice trailed off. I had so much I wanted to say, but how to go about it without mouthing off? "I was kind of fighting... myself... My body... I hate that it's making me leech off you... That's why you got pneumonia in the first place, isn't it? You could've died..."

"You could have, too..." He sighed. "I shouldn't have snapped at you before I left. None of this is your fault. It breaks my heart when you put yourself down." He held my hands a bit tighter.

"I've had visions of you struggling to feed yourself while I was out; of you fending off the enemy all by yourself... Did you even sleep?"

"Hell," I huffed. "I don't even remember. Sure, I was hungry, but the mako and added Jenova cells kept me on my feet. I was a real beast." I let out a cackle. "Maybe I still am. I could eat everything and everyone for all we know."

Cloud shook his head.

"You would have already if that were true."

"You don't think I'll turn into a monster? That monster?"

"Absolutely not."

"You say that with such confidence."

"Because I believe in you and want to take care of you."

Did either of the party accidentally turn the heat on when they left? My cheeks were burning hot iron.

"Huh??"

Cloud chuckled and patted my head.

"You deserve to be cared for," he said.

I writhed and shuffled in the bed sheets.

"N-now wait just a minute!" I protested. "Any kind of relationship is supposed to be a two-way street!"

"I know, you dork," Cloud said playfully. "The best thing you can do for me is be careful and let us help you. Tseng, myself, and the others decided that you need at least one person nearby at all times."

"... At all times?" I repeated back. Cloud nodded, confirming I heard right.

"But falling in the shower and down the stairs weren't on purpose!"

Cloud blinked and stared dumbfoundedly.

"Wait, so that's how you hit your head and broke your elbow?"

Shit. I hid myself under the covers.

"Well, yeah... I have this old knee injury that acted up, too... It happened during that time... I used healing materia on it, but it wasn't strong enough."

Cloud moved his hands to that spot.

"Right here?"

"Yeah. On both sides. Right through the bone and skin."

"Hmmmm."

His gaze was so focused and serious. He brought his hands back to mine.

"I'll let the doctors know and I'll help you work on it when we get home," he told me.

"You really don't mind...?"

"It won't be just me; you've got an entire team behind you. If it'll really help, we can give the pill a try."

"Sweet," I said, getting some of my pep back. It looked like things were back on the upswing.

Or so I thought. After I was discharged, I wound up having an allergic reaction that made me look like I had chicken pox all over again after the first dose.

"Aw, rats," I moaned as Cloud was giving me an oatmeal back. "Back to square one."

"Even if we stay there," he said as he scrubbed my arms. "We'll make it work. Cid is working with Red XIII to ship over shares of his game. Yuffie is taking up bounty hunting on the side and sells some materia to pay for shipping and handling of groceries. She's found a crew, so she'll be okay."

"That's good..."

"Whatever Barret and Marlene don't finish, they're donating to you, and Tifa is collecting coupons for your protein drinks. Denzel is even taking up growing fruits and vegetables. Oh yeah, and the Turks package is arriving tomorrow morning including three more fridges."

Grrrrrrrglegrrrrrrrr

My stomach, ladies and gentlemen, right on cue. Cloud came prepared, popping a protein shake with a straw in my mouth.

"Exciting, isn't it, Raven?" he teased.

He even named it after 'ravenous'. An internal organ, a third wheel. Who was I? Mother Mary?

"But you'll have to be patient a while longer, for Zack's sake. You make it hard for him to sleep at night. Whether you like it or not, you're stuck together, so you have to learn to live with one another so you both can be happy."

He washed Raven next and gave it a pat. Cloud was oddly fond of giving belly rubs. I could hear Angeal laughing and cooing at me, Zack the puppy.

I'm not allowed to be left alone anywhere anymore; Cloud and I even share a bed for my safety. Granted, I kept him close by at night during the dark ages, but I never had to worry about him kicking me or punching me in his sleep. He promised me that chamomile would calm my nerves and knock me right out. After finishing, we'd laid on our sides facing each other. He'd pet me and sing me a lullaby he remembered from his mom.

Little moogle, look yonder

In the midst of the misty woods.

There be a party of Nibelungs

Offering a trade.

For your tuff of cotton,

They would part with a map and key

To trot through their gates

And bring them business gleefully.

And that was it. Lights out. Works every time. There was more to the cute little folk song of the first settlers of Nibelheim, but it was never needed. He had a lovely, velvety tenor voice.