Disclaimer: I don't own Superman

Okay, don't flame me for the chapter, I swear I'll update soon...and Lex Luthor may not be in this one, I know he wasn't in the past few, but his plots will come up soon...and note that I said 'plots' and not 'plot.' Most of you may not like this chapter, though, but I like it.

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The rest of the weekend was pure, unbearable torture. Lois wasn't speaking to him yet; he wasn't even quite sure why. It only upset and frustrated him, which he tried to channel into fighting crime. It didn't quite blot out the pain and confusion, it only numbed it a little, but he was willing to take whatever he could get. Women were a pain in the ass.

"Lois, please," he started, trying to reason with her. She didn't answer, only continued typing her report on the gang fights. Clark bit back a growl. They weren't even remotely interesting; he just pretended to pay attention for his job's sake, and his cover as the over-eager reporter. Lois was definitely pretending the report was remotely fascinating. He sighed, trying to release some pent-up irritation.

"Lois, you're acting like a child!" he exploded, his efforts at containing his anger failing miserably. It wasn't real anger, like the kind he felt for criminals, though. It was just a shallow aggravation. He still loved her more than life itself, but boy, could she be a pain! She whipped around to face him, hurt and rage flaring in her eyes. Clark actually took a step back.

"I'm acting like a child? Well, I suppose you're right, it was childish to think that maybe life wouldn't kick me in the face when I tried to get a sturdy love life. God knows I don't deserve one. Lois Lane, have a normal relationship with a guy? It sounds stupid just thinking about it. I think maybe we should just move on, Clark. You obviously aren't interested, and I obviously need to get some therapy, and then let's just call it a day," she snapped, all the fury whooshing out of her like a popped balloon, only to be replaced by a dull throbbing in her heart area. Clark had a pained look in his eyes, but she didn't care. He didn't stop her when she marched back to her room, but she didn't care. He stood there for another ten minutes, but she didn't care. She heard him sniff…and God, how she cared.

Clark stood in place for a while, unable to move. If life was hard for him, it was harder for Lois. She didn't know she had four men who loved her more than anything in the world; Superman, Clark Kent, Richard White, and Jason Lane.

Well…maybe Superman and Clark Kent couldn't be counted separately…but then again, they lived separate lives. Superman was the flashy hero, while Clark Kent worked a mediocre job with a mediocre pay. Were they really two different people? Who was the middle man?

'Kal-El,' he thought bitterly to himself. Why couldn't he just be him? It would be great to just live the life of Kal-El, not having separate personalities, not disguising his voice, not having to mask his face. But…that would eliminate Lois from his life. It would be dangerous to be with her, so he would have to avoid getting close to people. Well, wouldn't that also eliminate Clark Kent? So, would he be only Superman?

Clark shook his head. He either had to get rid of Superman or Clark, and he had already seen the results of trying to get rid of Superman…which left Clark. But, Clark was who he was! Clark had a past, had a future, but Superman only had the present; a life of fighting for what was right. But what was the point? When he eventually died, the world would return to what it was.

Well, it was definitely the most depressing conversation he had ever had with himself, but that was probably because it was the only conversation he had ever had with himself. He felt a tear drop, but didn't feel the pain. It was like watching someone else cry; he didn't feel anything. With a sniff, he turned to go anywhere but here.

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The plane ride was possibly worst than the house. At least when they shared a house, they could avoid each other easily, but on a plane, they had to sit together. It was awkward and terribly uncomfortable, and Clark tugged at his collar. Lois looked determinedly everywhere but at him. He cleared his throat. Suddenly, he heard screaming.

"I…I have to go," he muttered to no one in particular. Leaping to his feet, he paused for a second to find an inconspicuous way out of the plane. Well…it was possible, but it would take some quick work.

Running to the back, making sure nobody was around, he pulled off his suit, revealing the flashy emblem. Not quite sure how to handle the idea, he stopped for a moment. He started again when the screaming persisted. This couldn't wait.

Kneeling, he tore a panel from the floor. Diving below the plane, he pushed the panel back into place and welded it with heat vision. Satisfied that there wasn't a leak, he zoomed off to Brazil.

The landslide was enormous, covering much of the village. Luckily, most had escaped, but some were buried alive. Scanning the ground, Clark determined that most were still alive, trapped in the collapsed buildings. Firefighters and volunteers struggled to dig them out, but all in vain. They were under a dozen feet of muck.

Stepping forward, Clark used his heat vision to burn a hole through the mud, solidifying the walls of the passage at the same time. Then, after having made a tunnel, he dove into it at top speed. The victims didn't have long.

It wasn't hard after that. He used his super hearing and heard a small child sobbing hysterically to his left, and plunged his hands effortlessly into the mess like it was water. Digging easily, he uncovered a small girl about six or seven years old. Once freed, she clung to her savior like she was still in mortal danger. Gently, Clark flew up and handed the girl to a man above him before flying back down. Only nineteen more to go.

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Lois sat, pretending to read her newspaper in case Clark happened to return. She didn't want him thinking she was waiting for him, or even caring about his existence. Checking her watch, she saw that he had been gone for about seven minutes. What was taking him so long? Was he sick? Worry flooded her mind, only to be covered by a thin mask of indifference. So what if he was sick? He deserved it.

Another part of her mind, probably not the part that got her the job at the Daily Planet, whispered softly in her ear, wavering and shy, but audible.

'Clark's not like that. He doesn't deserve to be treated like this. He's a good guy.' It wasn't loud, but it made her feel guilty all the same. What had he done besides unintentionally hurting her pride and feelings? Well, wasn't that enough? All the good deeds he had done in his life didn't make up for future wrongs. Or…was he simply in the wrong place at the wrong time? It wasn't like he asked to be loved by Lois Lane. Well, he did stare at her constantly, not that it wasn't flattering, and he was rather flirty sometimes in his shy kind of way…but maybe he didn't mean it. Maybe it was just her mind playing tricks on her again.

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Clark walked back in, careful to use the same way as when he left. He hoped Lois didn't ask questions, but then again, she was a reporter. She couldn't help it.

"Sick?" she asked off-handedly, and Clark smiled weakly.

"A little," he murmured, trying to sound embarrassed. It came out as sort of irritable, and he quickly changed his demeanor.

"But thanks for asking," he tried to make up. She didn't answer, and he assumed they still weren't talking. He became frustrated again, and settled down to finish the book he had been reading. His mind, though, was plagued with the memories of pulling dead people from the mudslide, their families' screams of grief and horror killing him. If anything was worse than kryptonite, it was others' misery. That was why he took up the job of rescuing people, but his job came with a price. Every night, he suffered with the images of the people he couldn't save, the people he didn't get to in time.

He laughed dryly, quieting when he felt Lois's questioning stare. Avoiding her gaze, he pretended to be buried in his book, even moving his eyes to look like he was reading. She finally pulled her gaze back to her newspaper, and he relaxed.

Lois shivered. That had to be the most bitter, miserable laugh she had ever heard. She wasn't even sure that it came from Clark; Clark, the happy-go-lucky man who she had worked with for so long. He had everything. He had a great family, a good job, he was good-looking, and he was just so contentedly oblivious to the suffering of the world. He looked like he slept well every night of his life, while she sat up crying for the loved ones she lost. For five years she cried for Superman, and for the last few months, she cried for Richard and more recently, she cried for Clark. It was amazing that she wasn't dead from her lack of sleep.

Maybe Clark didn't have quite the life she had fully expected him to have. Maybe unknown sorrows plagued his life; oh yeah, that was her.

The plane landed, and Lois wondered how she would ever face him again. They worked together, he even lived with her! It wasn't possible to avoid him every day. Something had to be done. Unfortunately, Clark had realized this days ago. Wearily, he turned to face Lois, his voice nearly lost under the noise of the airport. She could hear the happy people in their happy lives bustling around, talking and laughing and smiling. It made her want to cry.

"Lois, I think we both understand that it can't go on like this," he started, and she nodded gingerly. She wasn't ready to make up so fast. It would take time to heal.

"So I called and got an apartment yesterday. I'm also considering that transfer Perry offered."

Lois's jaw dropped, though she quickly recovered. Not wanting to beg and not wanting him to leave, she fought a quick internal battle. She decided on both.

"You don't have to…you can stay a few more days," she offered, her voice breaking in the middle of her sentence. She stiffened, ashamed, and tried to sound more casual.

"And you don't have to leave your job because of me," she said, and it came out better this time. He glanced at her wearily, unable to stem the flow of hope, and yet knowing he couldn't stay.

"Well, I guess all that soul-searching got me right where I was in the beginning," he said unhappily, "Maybe I can stay at the office, but I can't continue living off of Lucy. It isn't right."

He wished more than anything he could leave the planet and just fly in circles forever, but he would never forgive himself. So many people would die because he was being selfish. It wasn't right.

"I have to go," he muttered, putting his hat on and picking up his suitcase. Maybe he should just disconnect from people entirely, but that would make him feel more alone than ever.

Once outside, he turned around a corner and changed into his Superman costume. Maybe a nice long day of fighting disasters would help him realize that he didn't have it so bad.

He flew up into the sky, hearing the cries of shock and awe that usually accompanied his sightings. Of course, there were always the occasional screaming fans that got in the way. He rocketed off at top speed, the blast from his takeoff blowing dust and stray papers into the air.

Instead of listening and helping people like he had promised himself he would, he settled into a silent orbit around Earth. Flying as fast as he could without harming the natural balance of the planet, he tried to leave his emotion behind. It was so hard; but here, up in the sky, unseen by the human eye, he allowed a few tears to gather in his eyes. It just wouldn't do for the innocent victims of Earth to see their heroic icon cry. That would cause panic. And what would he tell them? 'I'm sorry, but my horrible, dysfunctional love life makes me sad.'?

A few tears multiplied, and soon he was blinded by a barrage of them. Gasping quietly, he reached up and touched his wet cheek. Maybe this was why his father had advised him to avoid human contact. Love was so painful.

Soon, the whole misery of his situation grasped him, and he let himself cry out in sorrow. It felt so good to finally be able to release his emotions, unhampered by annoying observers. He screamed and cursed the planet, the solar system, the entire universe so loudly that surely the inhabitants of Earth could hear him. He even lifted a meteorite and threw it out into the deep recesses of space as hard as he could. When he finished throwing the tantrum he had never gotten the opportunity to throw, he floated on his back, laughing hysterically. It was much better to release his anger in space than to release it on Earth. Much more people would have been harmed. Here, it was undisruptive relief. It was an outlet, somewhere to spread his anguish to the skies. Finally content, he slept, still orbiting his beloved planet.

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Lois sat in her car, her face in her hands. It was all so wrong. She loved three men, and was unable to get even one. Richard wouldn't come back because he insisted that he would be in the way of her 'other' relationship; Superman was avoiding her; Clark was…well, she still wasn't sure why he was so negative towards her affection. Something was definitely wrong with this picture. Starting the car, she drove off to see Jason, the one man in her life who wasn't complicated.

Some unbearably sad country music started playing, and she quickly changed the station before she could start crying. The classical station popped up, and she changed it faster. The last thing she needed to remember right now was Lex Luthor, and the day she found out whose son Jason really was. Hip-hop started playing, and it didn't help her headache. Finally, she just turned off the radio, but it was too quiet. Right when she was about to tear her hair out, she realized that she was in Lucy's driveway.

She sprinted in to see Jason and Lucy, not even bothering to grab her bags from the car. She burst into the door.

"Jason? Lucy?" she called, but no one answered. Confused, she searched the house, only to find a note sitting on the kitchen table. Once having read it, she dropped into a chair and put her head in her arms. Why was no one here for her when she needed them?

'Dear Lois,

Sorry, we're out at the moment, I just decided to take Jason out to eat tonight, he so wanted to go to the new Italian diner…but we'll be home soon, I promise.

Love,

Lucy 'n Jason'

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See? I told you that you wouldn't like it. Anyway, sorry it took so long to update, I had a bit of a writers block, and my sister had to do her college applications. Whoo! Let's hear it for my sister! And guess what? Once she goes to college, the computer will be completely free for me! Well, I'll have to kick off my little sister once in a while, but that's not hard; she's a wimp. Don't get mad about Lois and Clark's fight, I'll work on that later. And I promise to update soon!